02x09 - California Sphinx Moth

[bunniefuu]

I'm going now.

Sorry.

Okay, bye.

Love you.

[door closes]

♪

[sniffles]

Nicholas?

-What are you doing down there?
-Um...

I, just, um...

Sittin' on the floor.
That's what I do.

I'm a floor-sitter now.

Have you seen Alex?

I need help
lifting the table.

Nicholas:
No, Alex left.

He dumped me
actually, yep.

He broke up with you?

-Yeah.
-Ugh.

Why on Earth would he
do something like that

to someone
as decent as you?

Uh, he, um, he thinks
I don't love him.

That is... absurd.

He said we were
"in different movies."

Why couldn't I tell?

Uh, man, if he didn't
feel loved by me,

then I don't know
what hope I have

because that
was the hardest

I've ever worked to try

and show someone
I love them.

Like, that was my best.

I definitely, like,
I gave him my best.

It appears there was
a pretty major disconnect.

Yes, that's what
I'm tryin' to say, yeah.

Yeah.

Nicholas,
may I tell a story?

Why not?

When Drea was seven,
I lost my mom.

And I cried a lot.

Drea...

didn't show
much emotion.

She just kept asking,

"What do you need?
What do you need?"

Well, that's sweet.

It was.

But one day I just...

I just snapped.

And... I shouted,

"The only thing I need

"is not to be
the only sad person

in this house!"

I said that to a,
to a child.

And Drea,

she just looked up at me,
and she said,

"I feel sad you have
more sad than me,

which is why I wanna help."

Drea cared about my mom,
she cared about me,

she just cared
in a different way.

We know now
that's because her brain

works differently from
other people's brains.

You know not worse,
just different.

The only problem
was that...

sometimes people
didn't understand this

and they often interpret
her actions more harshly

than the truth
of her intentions.

Uh-huh.

I made you a mimosa.

Suze, I don't think
that story offered me

the clarity
you hoped it would.

Well, maybe that's
what's happening here.

Nicholas...

It's starting to look
more and more likely

that you are autistic.

What?

Suze, what the hell?

Oh, no. Okay.

I'm s... I'm sorry.
Yeah, I've...

No, I have
the bad timing.

I was just tryin' to

help you feel
less confused.

Suze, dude.

Nah.

Nah, man.

Okay.

-Okay.
-[door opens]

I didn't know we were
allowed to be in here.

Welcome.

I'm not well.

They're so
high-pitched.

Have you ever
noticed that?

Alex dumped me
and Suze thinks I'm autistic.

What?

Well, Alex felt disconnected
from Nicholas.

No. No, I'm-I'm sorry, Suze.
He's not autistic.

He's just
a bad boyfriend.

Thank you.

[Suze sighs]

Oh, dear.

I've created
a snowball, haven't I?

-No, no snowballs.
-[door opens]

Aha! There you are.

I'm just gonna
get the colander.

-Nicholas--
-No.

-Toby. Toby.
-Toby: All right, I'll get it.

Nicholas has just had
his very heart torn in two,

and tossed carelessly
into a dumpster

by a deeply
inconsiderate Alex,

who we are absolutely
not a fan of.

Oh, Nicholas...

Oh, buddy,
I'm-I'm so sorry.

Aah! You were
such a great couple.

You know,
it's such a shame.

You brought the chaos,
he brought the order.

This is so sad.

Nicholas, love is
a crazy game.

Okay, it's not a game
per se, but it...

I'm sorry.

I don't why this is
affecting me so much.

It's because
it's-it's sad, Toby.

-It is, it's so sad.
-[door closes]

[sniffles]

Why are
people crying?

'Cause they're
happy for us.

[laughs] Yeah, that's
'cause we are so happy.

-Suze: Yes, we are!
-Yeah.

Barb: Moss family?

Are you guys
hiding from me?

I noticed that Alex left.

And I was wondering
if you guys

would be cool
and give me a ride home?

Yeah, we can
give you a ride home.

[sniffles]

♪

[sighs]

I'm sorry
it's so messy.

I really thought
I cleaned up,

but, yeah, I mean,
I guess I didn't.

Don't even
worry about it.

I'll get out
of your way. Yeah.

Standing felt formal,
but no, it's fine.

I guess I'll stand.

Whatever is comfortable.
I'll be done in a minute.

Is that like
all your stuff?

Yeah.

Did you like
never move in?

I moved in.

It's not like
you offered me

a drawer
or anything.

Was I supposed to
offer you a drawer?

I think so.

But you have a drawer.

Well, yeah, eventually,
just took one without asking.

Of course. Why ask?
Who cares?

I don't know, Nicholas.

Maybe with the next guy
offering them a drawer

would make them feel
more welcome?

But...

I never offered you
a drawer

because you've
got a drawer.

You go in there,
you fuss about

and you come back
in different clothes.

A good system.

Do you even know
where I kept my stuff?

No. I didn't
look into it

'cause it's not
interesting.

You go over there,
you do a menial task,

and I sit here
on my phone.

It's nice.

Sorry, I didn't realize

this had such
emotional stakes for you.

Just put things
wherever you want.

There's so much space
to put things.

Oh, I took up
as much space

as was there for me,
Nicholas.

Oh, I see. Are we
doing a metaphor?

And the drawer is
that I didn't open up
a piece of me

for you to put stuff in?

Because, actually,

that's very confusing.

'Cause actually I've
opened up so much of me

and you've put
so much in me,

and I took it.

I took it, and I know...

Look, I know it sounds like
I'm talking about penises.

But I'm not talking
about penises.

I'm talking
about feelings.

And also I'm probably
talking about penises.

You're trying to be
all funny and clever

to distract me from
my very real and valid feelings.

But it doesn't
work anymore.

Okay. Fine.

Are you
getting along?

[sighs]

Yes.

Very well.

I'm relieved.

Because Alex
is one of my best friends.

And, Alex...

I want you to come
to the wedding.

I made you
an invitation.

And...

it wouldn't be
the same without you.

Please come
to my wedding.

Hmm.

I wouldn't dare miss it.

I guess
we won't have sex?

Do you even want it?

I can't tell.

Maybe with blindfolds.

♪

Nicholas?

Is that my
sweet sister Genevieve

come to rescue me
from the feelings?

So, the thing is...

Um...

Um, maybe...

maybe you are autistic.

I thought I knew
everything about autism

because of Matilda, but...

Actually I think I don't know
much about autism.

I just know everything
about Matilda.

So, if-if you need...

to, um...

No.

Okay.

Yeah, you can
just keep hiding.

Nicholas: Thank you.

Mm-hmm.
Right, so, um...

So there are
these tests.

Uh, these screening tests,
and so I did them,

um, as you in character.

And, well,

they say that me
masquerading as you...

have some
autistic tendencies.

Genevieve,
I'm already g*y

and I have ADHD.

I don't need
any more stigmas.

You're almost rich enough
to call them eccentricities.

It's just that...

You have difficulty
interpreting

how others are
feeling and thinking,

and your
social anxiety.

Nicholas: Name one
social situation

you don't wish
was canceled.

Also...

you got that
strange accent

and also you're
an entomologist,

you collect
insects.

Nicholas,
you collect insects.

Nicholas:
My accent's Australia.

It isn't though,
is it?

Nicholas: Yeah.

I've seen
"The Crocodile Hunter,"

and it ain't you.

Nicholas: Crikey.

Yeah, um...

No.

Another time.

How's he doing?
Any better?

Yes, Matilda, very good.
Excited for the wedding.

Do you have
any questions

about the tasks
that I emailed you?

No. Nope.
All good.

Great!

Go, Team Matilda!

-Team Matilda.
-Matilda.

Yes!

I didn't read the email.
I didn't read it.

She has you down

for an ambitious amount
of carpentry.

Genevieve: "Bullies often
targeted me in grade school."

Very often.

Um...

"I get so absorbed
in a detail

I lose sight
of the whole."

Very often.

"I have a hairstyle

others might
consider eccentric."

"I prefer to read
non-fiction over fiction."

Well, I don't know
how I'm supposed to care

that some
made-up character

cares what some other
made-up character did.

"I can easily create a picture
of something in my mind."

I don't know.
I don't know.

Well, how easy is it
supposed to be

to create a picture?

Yeah, yeah,
I don't know.

Well, you say something
and I'll imagine it.

Um, a bird.

Okay.

Yeah, good. Done. Easy.

What type
of bird is it?

Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't wanna
do this anymore.

Okay.

"I find it difficult to make
or maintain eye contact."

Yes.

Unless I'm trying
to trick someone

into falling in love
with me.

"I enjoy collecting
information

on the categories
of things."

Yes.

"I am often captivated
by running water."

What?

Really?

Yeah.

Everyone is.
Aren't they?

Everyone loves
running water.

People love a brook,
don't they?

Don't you love a brook?

Look, it's really not easy
for me to work out

how much I'm supposed
to speak during this.

[sighs]

When I was in the third grade
sometimes I'd throw myself

off the top bunk of the bed

because all the kids at school
with casts were so popular

and I thought if I broke my arm
that that would make me popular.

Okay.

Seems pretty misguided.

Yeah.

♪

Suze:
Category is...

mother of the bride!

Toby:
We are ready.

-Yes, please.
-Suze: All right.

[laughing]

Ooh!

-Suze: Can you believe it?
-Nicholas: Oh.

[Nicholas laughing]

Wow!

It's a knockoff,
but you can't even tell.

Honey, are you sure
that's the right size?

What are you
trying to say, Toby?

Uh, I mean,
don't I look pretty?

Maybe we should
email somebody.

To say thank you?

[laughs]
Can you believe it?

[Suze and Nicholas laughing]

Ooh-ooh-ooh.

[laughing continues]

You guys are
pretty good friends, huh?

-Hmm?
-Yeah.

Yeah, I think they might be
your only friends.

Hmm.

"It's difficult to imagine

what it would be like
to be someone else."

Yes.

For example,
some people like cats

and videos of cats.

I'm trying
to be neutral,

but I have to agree
you're terrible at it.

I have to add it up.

How are you feeling?

I'm thinking about
getting those

Korean fish pastries.

Yes, please.

Of course.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

When I was a kid,

my ma, she was always
sending me to hearing tests.

I spent my whole
childhood in a booth

wearing huge headphones,

being asked if I could
hear the beep.

And...

it was always a,
"Yeah, yeah, I can
hear the beep.

I can hear..."
I actually have
amazing hearing.

And then, uh...

I don't know,
she was always,
like, so disappointed

to find out I wasn't deaf.

That's not normal.

Genevieve:
No.

[keyboard keys clacking]

It says
you're autistic.

Like...
Like, a bit?

Hmm...

[softly]
Yeah, like...

Yeah, quite high,
like...

like, above borderline.

Right.

Mm-hmm.
[clicks tongue]

Do you want custard?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

♪

So...

What?

What's going on
with you?

Well...

Um...

I feel sort of
weezle-wozzle, don't I?

It's just so hard to know

if I answered
those questions right.

Nicholas, you answered
those questions right.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I just think that,
actually, if you ask me again

to mention
a specific bird,

I could do it,
I'll do it.

I'm imagining
a rainbow lorikeet.

It's rainbow,
and...

[sighs]

Yeah, I don't like
talking to new people,

but nobody does.

Who likes talking
to new people?

It's crazy to like
talking to new people.

And, yeah, I don't like
the sound of fans.

I really don't like it,

but it seems
pretty intense
to take that

and parlay it
into me being,

quite suddenly,
autistic. Doesn't it?

Honestly, I don't
wanna be autistic, okay?

Because then everyone's
gonna look at me

and they're
gonna think,

"Oh, that's Nicholas.
He's autistic."

When I used to
just be Nicholas.

I thought this family
was all like,

"Autistic Pride,"
et cetera.

Yeah.

So what am I missing?

Well...

It's easier to be proud
for somebody else

than it is for yourself,
isn't it?

It just is.

[rattling]

Should I help?

No, I have to learn.

Are you curious
what I brought?

Not yet.

Nicholas:
It's a picnic.

Matilda:
I'm not hungry.

Ah.

-Ohh!
-[sighs]

Nicholas:
Oh, la, la!

Wow!

Which color?

What vibe
are you going for?

Happy, independent,
feminine.

You know, I just really
love this soft blue.

Nicholas...

that's my
favorite too!

What?

-Yes.
-That's your favorite?

-Yes.
-And it's my favorite?

Mm-hmm.

Get outta town.
What's it called?

We don't know

because we forgot
to mark down

which paint
matches which paints.

-[laughing]
-But we have a plan.

What's the plan?

To repaint
all the splotches

and remember to mark down
which is which this time.

Wow.

That's a good plan.

Isn't it?

Sorted that
right out.

Can you believe how good
this picnic I got for us is?

I've decided
not to bring my piano,

so I have an excuse
to leave

if Drea
annoys me.

So just nothing
about the picnic?

It's good.

Can you get me
another one

so I can do this
with Drea

and pretend
like it was my idea?

Yes, I can. Yeah.

[laughs] Babe, do you
mind if we, um,

talk about me
for a second?

You don't have to ask permission
to not talk about me.

[sighs] I just... Um, there's
something I wanna tell you

and I-I thought maybe
I could get your advice.

Of course.

Well, I think that maybe
I might also be autistic.

No.

No?

No, I don't
think so.

[laughs]

Can you pass
the quince paste?

[laughs] Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, but...

don't you wanna hear
more about why I think that?

You're just messy
because you have ADHD

and you don't
follow things through.

I think the ADHD
has been a distraction.

[sighs]

Were you diagnosed
with autism?

Well, no.

You're not autistic.

Hmm.

I think I might be.

It's very offensive

when people
who aren't diagnosed

pretend
they're autistic

to get away with
their bad behavior.

Yeah. Okay, but...

I don't think
that's what's going on here.

Why are you
so sure?

Because you're fine.

You've always
been fine.

Well, I guess that's nice
that you think that,

and I agree that I've
always been like a happy guy,

but I, um...

You're not autistic,
I promise.

But I think maybe I am.

Why?

Well...
Okay, um...

You know, like,
yeah, I appear fine,

but that's because I put
an embarrassing amount of work

into camouflaging
how confused I am

and how twitchy I am,

and just generally
stopping myself

from behaving the way
I wanna behave and...

I don't know,
I feel like

maybe Alex
was the first person

I let in close enough

to see through
that performance and...

I sort of...

I thought...

everyone was doing
as much work as me,

but it turns out, no,
it turns out some people,

well, actually
most people

just know how to be.

And, um, well, yeah,
I didn't realize.

Yes.

Do you know the emotion
that I'm talking about?

That I appear fine
but it's fake. Right?

It's-it's
a performance. It's...

-Yes.
-...exhausting.

Yeah. Yes.

Yes, I know it.

Well, okay.

Okay, fine.

You're likely
autistic.

Yeah.

Great.

Uh, I wanna show you

the shower curtain
we had made.

It has our faces
on it.

Okay. Yes, please.

Wow!

Very elegant.

♪

Receptionist:
Nicholas?

There are more pages
behind the front page.

Nicholas:
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's so many
more pages.

No, I can fill this out,
but I'm so late already.

Should I...
Should I do this after?

Receptionist:
We need you to do it
before the appointment.

Nicholas: Okay.

No, that makes sense,
yeah.

Ohh.

Well, what is that?

Give me it.
Give me. Give me.

It-it's a gift for you.

A lizard?

Um, more specifically,
an emotional support lizard.

Right.

And that's for me,
is it?

-Yes.
-Is that for me?

-Yeah.
-That's my lizard?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To help with your autism.

Well, that's interesting,
isn't it?

Because, um,

you're always asking me
to buy you a lizard?

-So...
-Oh.

So it seems like...

-No. No, no, no.
-No?

That-that was
just a phase.

I've outgrown it.

Oh.

Terrible timing.

It's actually
a thoughtful gift for you

because he eats bugs
and you're an entomologist.

Yes. I mean,
of course.

That just makes sense,
doesn't it?

How many times
have you heard me say,

"If you love something,
feed it alive to a predator"?

A cute little
lizard pet.

What better way
to make an autistic house

an autistic home?