02x19 - Scarytale Endings

[bunniefuu]

- They say the perfect quiche

doesn't exist,

yet here you are, you--

- Dad!

- Ahh!

- We have a situation.

[Spitsy yelps]

- Why does it always land

face down?

- Focus, Martin. Focus.

EEW Corp Land has

a brand new ride,

the Vertical Integrator.

Whoo-hoo!

- It's a hair-raising trip

through EEW Corp's history,

with insane

upside-down action,

union busting,

and toxic waste dumping.

Guys, it's so awesome!

- Sounds fun,

but one corn dog there

costs more than

I've ever made in an hour.

- Oh, Dad, come on.

- You don't need money

to have fun, Nate.

We could go

to the public library.

Books are like a roller coaster

for your mind.

- [groans]

- That's the spirit.

Now help me scrape the dog hair

off this quiche, and let's eat.

No!

[upbeat music]

- Don't want to go

to school today

The sun is red hot

and I wanna play

But if I get caught

they'll make me pay

Detention again

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Math and social studies

just ain't my thing

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Rocking with my band

is where I'm king

Stealing the teacher's teeth

or bailing on a test

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

Big Nate

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

- Pay attention

to this video, children.

- Hello, tweens.

Like you, I too was once

a human boy or girl.

I loved playing sport games

and enjoying beverages

such as juice or sports drink.

- Something weird

about this guy.

- I think he's just rich.

- EEW Corp is sponsoring

a contest, Minds Over Matters,

to find the brightest

untapped minds in Rackleff,

not only from the good schools,

but P.S. 38 as well.

- Oh, let me guess.

The prize is some

dorky ice cream party.

No thanks, corporate stooge.

- The winning school will

receive a sizable donation

from EEW Corp and a trip

for the entire school

to EEW Corp Land.

- [gasps]

[kids clamoring]

This is the greatest

moment of my life!

- Wow, that could

really help the school.

Maybe we could even afford

filtered water again.

- Aah!

- Looks like Nate Wright is

going to EEW Corp Land.

- There's no doubt in my mind

that our students

are going to win the

Mind Over Matters competition.

all: What?

- But students can't go

on that big trip

to EEW Corp Land without

a chaperone, right?

[all chuckling]

- So I'll be selecting

one chaperone.

I encourage you to do whatever

it takes to convince me

how desperately you want

the job.

- Wesley, are you

suggesting bribery?

- Winning this contest

will be easy.

All we gotta do is come up

with an amazing,

world-changing,

contest-winning invention.

- Did somebody say

amazing and world-changing?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry, Gina.

We've already got a blond geek

with dubious social skills.

- Actually,

I'm more of a dirty blond.

- Look, Gina, I'm sorry.

It's not you; it's us.

But the opposite of that,

'cause it's definitely you.

- I swear on the grave

of Marie Curie

I will destroy your little team

with my own

brilliant invention.

Which of you losers want

to make an invention with me?

[kids screaming]

- Well, well, well.

Oh!

Fancy running into you here.

- We go to school here, bozo.

- Just wanted to let

you clowns know that

Jefferson Middle has

this contest in the bag.

- [laughs] I think we'll be

all right, Nolan.

We both know Francis is smarter

than every kid at Jefferson.

- [scoffs] Oh, but I figured

out Francis's Achilles heel,

or should I say

ex-chilles heel?

[chuckles]

- Hi, Francis.

- Sabina?

- I haven't seen you

in a while.

How have you been?

- [squawks]

- Condora and Sabina?

And Condora and Sabina?

And Condora and Sabina?

And Condora and Sabina?

And Condora?

[puffs on inhaler]

I gotta go!

[clattering]

[grunting]

[loud crash]

[Francis screams]

- Guess Francis can't handle

being around his exes.

- Um, why am I the last

one to know that

one of Francis' exes is

a bird?

- Bird, human--who cares?

She should be

a huge distraction

that will take Francis's

head out of the game.

- Oh, so you're admitting

that Francis is

too smart to beat

in a fair fight?

- If I cared about fairness,

I wouldn't have gotten

Sabina and Condora

internships at EEW Corp.

- EEW Corp is wonderful.

They pay us in snacks

and in free shipping.

- Francis doesn't

stand a chance.

- [squawks]

- And neither does P.S. 38!

[upbeat pop music]

- And I'd be like

- All right, educators.

Wow me.

- Okay, whatever you say

Okay okay

Okay okay

Okay, whatever you say

- Oh.

- [screeches]



- Hmm.

[gasps]

[horse whinnies]

- I am see-through

when I'm with you

- [grunting]

- I don't know.

I just don't see

what the big deal is.

They both seem really nice.

I mean, one is clearly a bird

that you dated, but, um--

- That's the thing.

I never technically broke up

with either of them.

- Wait, you ghosted them both?

Cold, brah.

- It's complicated and awkward.

And I've hurt them

with my recklessness

and raw animal charisma.

They're living things

with real emotions, not robots.

[echoed] Robots.

- Hmm.

- Robots.

Robots.

- [gasps]

You're a genius, Francis.

That's our invention,

a lifelike robot

with real emotions

that can help you

with your relationship issues

and me with my "I want to go

to EEW Corp Land" issues.

Come on, guys.

Let's start inventing.

- Yay!

- Whoo-hoo!

- [laughs]

[upbeat electronic music]

[beeping]

- Guys, we don't have time

for a weird science robot

creation montage.

Let's just get it done.



[beeping]

- I present to you all

the most advanced,

fully functioning relationship

robot ever created,

Robo-Rita.

- So cool.

- Hello, Francis, my dear.

Would you and your friends

like a snow cone?

all: Yeah!

[cheering]

- Oh, my God.

- Wow.

- Yellow, my favorite.

- Francis, I'm a genius!

- [groans]

[cheerful music]

- Soufflé?

- Wow, if this trash-bot

can master French pastry,

what can't she do?

- Something smells great

in here.

Either I'm having a stroke

or there's a soufflé on.

[gasps]

[romantic music]

Hey, there.

Nate, who's your friend?

And is she single?

- Gross, Dad.

She's made out of garbage,

and only has eyes for Francis.

- Had to take my shot.

Well, time to go read a book.

[chuckles]

I'm kidding, obviously.

- Looks like Robo-Rita's

already got fans.

Gotta be happy

about that, right?

- Robo-Rita's perhaps

my greatest invention,

but I still feel awful

about Sabina and Condora.

- Francis, I've prepared

a picnic to clear your mind.

Shall we go?



- [giggles]

I really hope

that was chocolate.

[fanfare playing]

- [clears throat]

Hello.

Hello, my loyal subjects--

uh, colleagues.

You're too kind.

- Have kitten.

My cat make extras

with angry neighbor cat.

- Why, thank you.

Put it with the others,

Mrs. Shipulski.

[cats meowing]

- Would you like

to hear specials?

- I will tell specials.

- [vocalizing]

- [grunting]

[yelping]

- I love a good

lunch lady fight

as much as any

red-blooded American,

but this is getting

out of hand.

- Hi-yah!

[grunting]

- You're telling me.

Look at Galvin.

He's on the floor,

licking sauce.

We need to put an end

to Principal Nichols'

reign of terror.

- 115092164201989.

- Wow, the first

1,000 decimal places of pi.

You speak my love language.

- Say ahh.

- Ahh.

Ahh. Ahh.

Mmm.

- Have I performed

my primary function

of mending your lovelorn heart,

Francis?

- You've done more than that.

You've given me

the confidence to have

that tough conversation

with Sabina and Condora.

Boop.

[crash]

Oof.

- Boop.

[triumphant music]

- Hmm?

- [whimpers]

- You are so strong, Francis.

And I'm right behind you.

- [squawks]

- Hi, Francis.

- I got this.

[sighs]

- What a pleasant surprise.

I can't wait to hear about

how your invention is going.

- Yeah, it's--uh, uh--

it's a--uh--

uh--

- [screams]

- You okay, brah?

- Don't look at my face!

- Is Francis okay?

- Uh, yeah. You know,

he's, um--

well, he's a genius.

Geniuses can be eccentric.

- Yeah, we can.

- Or maybe he just caught

a glimpse of his invention

and had to go throw up.

I know I want to.

- I do not take that

personally,

as I know that hurt people

hurt people.

Nolan, may I offer you the hugs

your father denies you?

- Ew. Stop psychoanalyzing me,

trash-bot.

Nate, your trash-bot doesn't

stand a chance.

How's it feel to be a loser

before the game even starts?

- Our invention is really cool.

It's a consumer-grade

water desalinating machine

that would provide

clean drinking water

to the whole world.

- Huh, I never

pictured you as a guy

who wanted to save the world.

- Oh, you simple

middle-class peasant.

I care about making

a lot of money

off rubes who care

about saving the world.

Good luck

with your garbage gal,

your dumpster dame,

your waste woman--

- Don't worry.

We got this.

[whirring]

Let's save the hugs

till after.

[school bell rings]

- Oh, that food-based fracas

was insanity.

I don't even want

to mention where

I just found tuna casserole--

my undercarriage.

- Anyone else find it

strange we're stuck

under Nichols' thumb

even though there's

more of us than him?

- You are talking

about making union.

- A union?

I didn't go overseas

and fight side by side

with a bunch of

like-minded individuals

towards a common goal

we couldn't have

achieved without cooperation

to be in some union.

- You just describe

what union is.

- Stuff a sock in it,

Sloppy Joe.

- Point is, if we tell

Nichols we all want

to chaperone

the EEW Corp World trip,

there's nothing

he can do about it.

We do it together.

- Like union.

- You're on my last nerve,

lunch lady!

- Even the saltiest seawater

comes out drinkable

after just 12 seconds.

[cheering]

- Holy guacamole.

Their inventions

look really good.

- Hey, don't worry.

These corporate keynotes

are all about showmanship

and emotions.

- And a whole lot of pyro.

- Pyro?

[chuckles menacingly]

[dramatic music]

[cat meows]

[cheers and applause]

- At NateCo, we believe

the future is the future.

- We are passionate

about creating

a satisfying

user-to-product interface

fully integrated

like never before--

vertically, metaphorically,

vegetarian-ly.

- Feed the beast.

Say it with me.

Feed the beast!

Crowd: Feed the beast!

- In business,

you're either the cure

or the zombie pathogen

eating your face off.

- So what do you say?

Are we ready to meet

the friend of the future?

[fireworks booming]



- Hello.

[cheers and applause]

- I have seen enough.

Robot-Renee is the future.

P.S. 38 is going

to EEW Corp Land.

- I, uh--

this is unexpected.

[chuckles]

I guess I have to pick one

of you to chaperone now.

[cheering]

- Well done, human tweens.

- Ah, come on.

It was nothing.

Wait, who am I kidding?

We nailed that.

- We will take your

robot with us now.

- What?

- We simply plan

to cut her open

and study her

so she may be mass produced.

Robotic-Regina will soon be

in every home or b*ttlefield.

We are still spitballing.

- Wait, where are

you taking me?

Francis.

[dramatic music]

- Robo-Rita!

[sobbing]

- She was the perfect woman.

Now I'll never see her again.

- True.

But we're going

to EEW Corp Land.

Up top, Fran Fran--oof.

- What if we made

a new Robo-Rita?

The right way this time,

with a weird science

robot creation montage

and everything.

- Yeah, and a lot less trash

and medical waste.

- There will never be

another Robo-Rita.

She was my person.

- Fine, I guess we can

steal Robo-Rita back.

It's either that, or we

put a wig on an air fryer

and hope for the best.

- [sobbing]

[romantic music]



- I think you should

meet my parents.

- Wesley!

- [shrieks]

- We're here to talk about

our little chaperone situation.

So get your face out

of your food, Wesley.

- Oh, this?

Just a mid-morning

shawarma snack.

Want some?

- Um

I'm not crazy about eating

so close to your toilet.

- Oh, it's more than

a toilet, Mrs. Godfrey.

This is a high-tech bidet

I just ordered from Japan.

- [speaking Japanese]

- Wesley, we've decided

we all deserve

the trip to EEW Corp Land.

- Yeah, come on.

I never thought we were

actually going to win.

- [gasps]

- Whoops.

[menacing music]

- Howdy there, amigo.

Just dropping off

these supplies

for Thirsty Thursday

in the lab,

where they're building

that Robo-Rita.

- 'Scuse us, hyper-powerful

X-ray machine

randomly coming through.

- Hey, no worries, snow flurry.

[suspenseful music]



- Almostthere.

All set.

- What about Chad?

- Hey, guys.

[elevator dings]

- Well, now I got

to get to janiting.

Good luck with that

corporate espionage.

[chuckles]

- You guys, doesn't this

seem kind of impossible?

- [gasps] Robo-Rita!

[all gasp]

- Robot dream girl

Made of medical waste

and broken spare parts

- I knew you would come for me.

- Francis?

What's going on here?

- [squawks]

- Security,

we have a situation.

- [squawking]

- Destruction loading complete.

Press any "butt-on"

for convenient escape.

[coughing]

- Freeze, y'all.

- Zeff, what are you doing?

You're supposed

to be on our side.

- Hey, what can I say,

little lady?

A gig's a gig.

- We gotta split up.

- Quick, in here.

[tense music]



[buttons dinging]

- Francis, what are you doing?

You're going to make a--

[screaming]

- Oh. Hmm.

What's going on?

Is this another

hostage situation?

I really don't want to fill out

that paperwork again.

- [in English accent] It's

the end of the line, guv'nah.

Feast your peaky blinders

on this, would you?

- [gasps]

- Can someone turn

on the lights?

Suboptimal lighting

makes me sad.

- Oh, it stings.

- Ow.

- I can't see a thing.

- It's like the sun.

[clears throat]

We, the teachers of P.S. 38,

demand the following

for your bad behavior:

better parking spaces,

bagel Fridays,

on-site pet sitting.

- Sloppy wet foot massages.

- Okay, okay.

I get it.

I'm sorry.

I was wrong.

It was just nice to feel

like a big shot

who had everyone's respect

for once.

- Well, that ain't

happening again

because we got strength

in numbers.

- We are union.

- No, we're just a group

of co-workers joining forces

to improve our work lives

through strength in numbers.

- That is union.

- I'm done splitting hairs

with you, ladle jockey!

[suspenseful music]

- Close one.

I wonder where

everyone else is?

- Francis and Dee Dee

are together.

But I hope Chad's

okay on his own.

- Oh, baby hamsters

with human hands.

[gasping]

[crash]

- [sighs]

[both gasping]

[dramatic music]

[ding]

- Basement floor.

- [groans] Robo-Rita?

Where's Dee Dee?

- Francis, over here!

- Huh?

- Whoa.

Who knew all this

was down here?

- [squawks]

- Security, subject

Cowardly Ghost spotted.

Converge on location.

Warning, flight risk.

Subject is known to flee

at the slightest provocation,

no matter whose

feelings get hurt.

- Enough!

I can't keep running

just to avoid having

an awkward conversation.

Sabina, it wasn't clear

how we left things.

And then time passed,

and it got too awkward

to bring up again.

I'm sorry.

- I felt a little awkward, too.

I worried I had done

something wrong.

- No, you're great.

You're brilliant and creative.

And Condora, you're--

a bird.

- [squawks]

- I shouldn't have

ghosted you two.

But I've met someone,

and it feels real.

Could you just look

the other way and let us go?

- Security, false alarm.

Subject has escaped and also

demonstrated emotional growth.

Call off the search.

- No, Francis.

Our love can never properly

flourish in a world

where machines are

forced to serve humans.

- What?

- Fear not.

My memories have been

uploaded to the cloud.

And I will return someday.

If you somehow survive

the robot apocalypse,

you will be well

positioned for a job

as executive meat servant.

Boop.

- What are you doing?

No!

I can't wait that long!

I want to be your

meat servant now!

[sobbing]

- This is the only way.

- [sobbing]

[dramatic music]



You doing anything later?

- Francis! Come on, man!



- Ah, I have been found.

Time to show you

the true face of EEW Corp.



both: Huh?

- [grunting]

- Hello, tweens.

- Come on.

- Oh, man.

- Really?

Hey, look, I'm sorry

to barge in,

but we made a mistake that

really bummed out our friends.

So we just want to get

our trash robot back.

- You probably don't

want to give it up

because the robot

is awesome, but--

- [robotic laughing]

I am laughing with sarcasm.

Your robot was not awesome.

It wasn't even the best

invention from P.S. 38.

- Hey, StreamTube.

We are moments away

from the beta test

of a renewable energy source

that will end global poverty.

Be sure to like and subscribe

for more.

[easy listening music]

- Gina's invention

is revolutionary.

It could provide humanity with

cleaner, greener w*r zones.

- Okay.

Well, silver lining,

we at least beat Nolan.

- [laughing] No.

Nolan's water purifier

is brilliant.

It could save so many lives.

We have bought it

and destroyed it.

- Wait. If it'll save lives,

why would you destroy it?

- For fun.

Plus, it would cut

into EEW Corp's

20 billion-per-year

bottled water empire.

Now that's refreshing.

I can't wait

to pee that out later.

[laughs]

- Well, you're not

getting away with this.

Me and Nate both have

pretty sizable

online fandom following, so--

- No, you don't.

But I am bored of this.

And you are very annoying.

I will give you anything to

get out of my office right now.

- Anything?

[whispering]

Negotiate hard, okay?

He seems like an idiot.

Okay.

Free passes to EEW Corp Land.

- For life.

- Is that all?

[whispering]

- We're good with this.

Okay.

[clears throat]

- Yes.

- We have a deal.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Ha! Sucker.

Told ya Nate Wright was

going to EEW Corp Land.

[exciting music]



- Hey-o.

That'll be

63 "Ameri-can" dollars.

- 63 bucks?

That's more than the tuxedo

I got married in.

- [laughs]

Guess parking wasn't included

in your genius negotiation,

huh?

- Whoa, whoa. Dad, wait.

No, no, no, no, no.

Why are we turning around?

No, we have to ride the--

- [robotic laughter]

- Dad!

- [robotic laughter]

- Hajimemashite.

- Well, hajimemashite

to you too.

[chuckles]

Mind if I sit down?

[zipper swishes]

Ooh, invigorating.

- Robot dream girl

Made of medical waste

and broken spare parts

But don't call her trashy

'Cause she'll tear

your face off

Robot dream girl

You will always be

my 10011001101