02x03 - Sugar We're Going Down, Swinging

[bunniefuu]

You guys, where we gonna take

these ramps?

We only have 48 hours.

SPEAKER: Five hundred dollars,

and there's enough dudes

to keep us getting paid, right?

There's no second dates,

no going alone.

Whatever.

JANAY: I'm not f*cking around.

This is not a joke.

That's fly, right?

-ASH: What did you think?

-It was interesting.

KIRT: You think anybody

wants a d*ck pic?

Actually, some people do.

CHANTING: Kirt! Kirt! Kirt!

I just thought you looked

really cute.

You know what I look like,

right?

Yeah, you're cute!

SPEAKER 2: I thought it could be

your new winter spot, huh?

- Hey.

- What up?

- What's going on?

- Thank you.

Good night.

- So, uh,

did your loan go through?

- Nah.

Can you reapply?

- I even get it--I didn't

get a--even get a reply.

I can't reapply

and get a reply.

- I got you.

- All these big businesses,

like--

it's the Red Lobster

over there.

They doing just fine.

They got they loan, I'm sure.

Applebee's over there?

They good.

People like us?

Like, we're from

this neighborhood.

Know what I'm saying?

Entrepreneurs.

Black-owned businesses shutting

down left and right, yo.

I-I can't even get a reply.

Like, at least tell me, "No."

- Yeah.

- You know what I'm saying?

I'm just gonna take it

as a "L," yo.

- No, no.

I mean, well, there--

there has to be something

that we can do, right?

I mean, we'll figure it out,

all right?

- Be safe.

- I'll talk to you later.

- I'll be around.

- Indigo!

Have you seen my red pants?

Indigo.

- Oh, you must be Camille.

Here.

I ironed them

and Febrezed them.

They were a little stinky.

- Who the hell are you?

- Camille, put some respect

on Magda's name.

- You hired a maid?

- She prefers "house cleaner."

- Why is she here?

- You asked me to clean up.

I'm cleaning up.

- I asked you to clean up,

not hire TaskRabbit.

Also, how can you afford

to hire a maid?

- Someone woke up on one today.

All right, I'm sorry.

Maybe I did wake up "on one."

I'm just freaking out

about the NFD thing.

They--they're trying

to make me sh**t--

like, get another girl,

and it's all bougie,

and, like, use another girl,

and I don't know

what the f*ck to--to

- You're stressed

about some pictures?

- Yeah!

- It's not funny.

- It is funny.

- No, it's not.

- I got you.

- You'll help me

with the photos and be in them

and, like, take them with--

- Yeah, that's easy.

- Um, we'll take them

and you'll help me with it?

- I got you.

I just need one little favor

in return, and we're square.

- Miss Indigo?

- All right, anything.

I'll do anything.

- All right, cool.

- Your stew's ready.

- You got her making stew?

- I like stew.

- So, basically, the way

the Inner Earth theory works

is that it's a hollow Earth.

You can enter the Earth

from Antarctica

or the North Pole, right?

And there's other civilizations

within the Earth, yo.

There's people--

- Hey.

Would you guys mind putting

this half-pipe over there?

Let's just, you know,

make it flow, you know?

- Yo, what's--what's this

shorty talking about?

- I have no clue.

- Shorty?

- Sylvester just told us

- To bring this stuff in here.

- Okay, well, I'm asking you

to put it in the corner,

please.

- Yeah, nobody doing--

- And who the hell are you?

- Nah, you gonna take this?

- Yeah.

- Yo!

Hey, what are you guys doing?

What are you doing?

What is this?

What do you think this is?

Listen, if you're

going to be here,

you need to be putting in work!

Work!

- I am working!

I am supervising.

- Yo, are you--

- My bad.

- Are you peeing in here?

- Yo, stop disrespecting

the space.

- Thank you.

- It's no problem.

Yo, the piss corner's

in the back left, bro.

- What the f*ck?

- We use bottles.

- Use the toilets!

Gosh.

Ugh.

Wait.

Holy sh*t!

- This must be saved

What up?

- We've got ten seconds

to think of a pose.

- Um, I don't know

how to do it.

- Look at the camera.

- Like, how--

- Don't pose like that!

You're posing

like a little boy!

This is not

what we need right now.

This is military hard--

- My body just wants

to do that automatically.

I'm sorry.

- Thumb in your pocket.

- It's not my pocket.

- Relax. Whatever.

- What?

I know you're feeling it.

You never wear clothes

like this.

Come on, come on, come on.

Now lean forward--

yeah, arch your back

and this foot--yeah, uh-huh.

But not, like, actually angry.

Like, sexy b*tch face.

Okay, now you look constipated.

- Why can't I do it?

Like, what the hell?

This is, like,

f*cking rocket science.

- It's 'cause you don't

believe in yourself.

- Yo, I got this idea

for our next video.

I'll film you ollie over me,

and then ollie over you,

then we can go skate that thing

over there.

- Not right now, little man.

Not the time.

We're not doing

funny right now.

- What's this, fashion show?

- No, we're just taking photos.

- Y'all taking h* photos?

You gotta go. You gotta go.

- No, just, like, regular--

- Oh, my God.

- I'll--I'll do--

we'll do it later.

I'll--I like that idea.

- A'ight.

I like your lipstick, though.

- That's so sweet! He noticed.

- This is, like,

public humiliation t*rture.

- You look f*cking hot, bro.

Shut up.

- Really?

That's me?

I told you, you look good!

- No, but, like--

- I can't wait

to take this makeup off.

- Ah!

Uh-uh.

You still owe me.

- More chicks than you

ever f*cking had

- Okay.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

- Nah, for real, bro.

Your testosterone levels

be on their cycle too.

- Mm.

- That's what they don't

tell you is that

you also have a period.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Nah, nah, nah.

- The pe--

- What the f*ck? Hell no.

- No, I'm serious.

The moon pulls

on your ba*ls too,

just like the tides.

High ba*ls, low ba*ls.

High ba*ls, low ba*ls.

- It does happen.

- Yeah.

- It happens

when I'm about to bust.

- Yeah, that's what

I'm trying to tell you!

- It gets really high,

and then when I'm done--

- Boom.

- You're gonna stick them

all the way up her p*ssy,

and then curve your fingers.

- Curve.

Wait, wait, wait.

Is she lying on her back

or her stomach?

- On her back, bro.

- Oh, in the text,

I wasn't sure, so--got it.

- Anyways, not every girl

can come like that.

What's the primary directive?

all: Don't neglect

the clitoris.

- Exactly.

But G-spots are cool too.

Um, actually,

you guys have a G-spot.

- True.

- What?

Where?

- In your as*h*le.

- Shut up.

Stop playing.

- Not for nothing,

my girl stuck her finger

up there once.

sh*t was lit.

- Hell yeah.

- Doesn't sound that bad,

actually.

- It's f*cking awesome.

- Yo!

Put that sh*t out!

- Yo, chill!

It's freezing in here.

What else are we

supposed to do?

- Yo, I could not find

the pee corner.

- What the f*ck

is wrong with you?

- What?

- And where have you even been?

- I've been trying to help

these boys

grow into men, Janay.

They need me.

- Right.

- It's the Lord's work.

- Oh, yes. Okay, great. Yes.

It's the Lord's work.

Well, while you're at it,

can you please ask the Lord

to help you get these boys

under control?

- Why?

- What do you mean, why?

Ugh! God!

- Bro, chill.

- Everybody stop

what you're doing!

Can you please just stop?

- Yo!

Yo!

- Stop!

- Yo!

Everyone shut the f*ck up!

Janay is in charge.

You guys better start

f*cking listening to her.

- Do it. Do it.

Yeah.

Oh, that looks good.

- I forgot to film it!

- Oh, my God.

- Mmm.

- Looks delicious.

- There's absolutely no reason

for there to be gold leaf

in a soup.

- I know, right?

Who's the chef, Rick Ross?

- Rick Ross.

M-m-m-Maybach meatballs

- Wait, I don't get it.

- Ah, whatever,

I'm just being a dork.

- Don't worry, I got it.

- You got it?

- Yeah, you're funny.

- Okay, cool.

- Don't worry.

- Cool, cool, cool.

What do you say, um, we go

have a drink at my place?

Or

Ay-yi-yi.

I'm sor--I'm just--

I'm new at this, you know?

- Yeah, we'll just need

to deliberate.

- That's totally cool.

Either way, it's all good.

It's good to meet you.

No pressure.

I'm gonna go, I don't know,

see if the urinals

are gold-plated too.

You guys deliberate.

All right.

- So we're--

we're not gonna go, right?

- Normally, I wouldn't,

but his Cartier

was real as f*ck,

which means we are

about to get paid, b*tch.

So I think we should go.

- Indigo, I'm not going.

- Camille.

Come on, he's chill.

It'll be fine.

And this sh*t is good.

- Um

- Oh!

Yo, you good?

- Damn, dude!

- Yo!

Yo!

What are you guys doing?

- What's up?

- Come on, bro.

You guys can piss all over

their floors and everything,

but you can't put

a f*cking poster on the wall?

- You're right.

- You guys are on a mission

right now.

- We got you.

- And then ask Janay

if she needs help

with, like, anything else.

- A'ight, bet. We got you.

- Okay.

- Yas, queen.

- Hey, up a little bit.

- Everything's coming together.

- Yeah, I know.

It's coming along real well.

- Right?

- Yeah.

- Where you wanna put this,

though?

- Yeah, not this.

I don't like this here.

We should move it.

Hey!

Hey, guys?

Could we move this ramp

and this middle section

right here, please?

- Yeah, of course.

Most definitely.

- Yeah, sure.

- Thanks so much.

- Everybody grab a side.

- Thank you.

- On three.

One, two, three.

So move it right--

- Yeah, right--

right there is fine.

Yeah, that's good.

Thank you.

- f*ck! God damn, bro!

- Oh, my God, are you okay?

- I'm good.

- Aw, you guys are so cute.

- Why don't you kiss it

and make it feel better?

- Oh, my God.

Your friends are exhausting.

- Trust me, I know.

They're immature.

- I just want a shawty,

yeah

I can f*ck' skate with

I just want a shawty that'll

listen to my playlist

I just want a shawty I can

go on cute dates with

I just want a shawty, yeah

I can f*ck' skate with

I just want a shawty, yeah

I can f*ck' skate with

I just want a shawty that'll

listen to my playlist

I just want a shawty I can

go on cute dates with

I just want a shawty, yeah

I can f*ck' skate with

Let's be real,

you're just my type

You with me,

it'll feel just right

sh**t my shot,

baby, I just might

Don't be afraid,

baby, I don't bite

- Yo, what's up, miss?

Can I help you?

- This place is amazing.

- Excuse me?

- It's so cool.

When did you all

get to the neighborhood?

- Oh, we just pulled up.

It's still fresh.

- Wow.

- Oh, man, here comes

the Karens, man.

I'm telling you.

- Ugh, hardly, you know.

And actually, we're not really

using that word anymore.

It's sort of

a misogynistic slur.

- Is it?

- Hi!

Hi, hi.

We're actually running

a new community center

out of this building.

- Oh.

Okay, uh

- Actually, um,

"VICE" is filming it.

- Oh, cool!

I love "VICE."

- Yeah.

- Yeah, don't we all?

- Nice.

Okay well, um

that's good to know

you're supposed to be here.

both: Yeah.

- So

- Cool.

Yeah, glad we figured that out.

- Awesome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Thanks for checking up on us,

neighbor.

- All right!

- See you later!

- Yep, just maybe

a little quieter.

Bye. Thank you!

- Hello.

- Hello.

What can I get for you?

- Um, can I please have a large

hot coffee just with milk?

- You got it.

Yo, are you Kirt?

- Yeah. Do I know you?

- No, no, but Ugly Charlie

told me about you.

You're working miracles.

- Here.

- No, no, no, on the house.

- Thanks.

- Yo, uh, can I audit the class

by any chance?

- Bro, it's not

f*cking like that.

Come on.

- Gotcha.

Good to meet you, Kirt.

- Yo, Kirt!

I don't know who the f*ck

you think you are,

sexting my man

about your G-spot.

Are you f*cking serious?

- Okay, who are you,

and who are you talking about?

- I'm Shelby,

and I'm Micah's girlfriend.

And I want answers.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

Okay, look.

I was not talking to Micah

about my G-spot.

I was talking to Micah

about your G-spot.

I been teaching all these boys

how to please women.

- What?

Oh, God, wait.

So you're not trying

to f*ck Micah, then?

You're, like--

- No.

- Oh, you're like--

- I, like, f*ck women.

- Oh.

Well

well, nice to meet you.

- Okay, hold up.

Why--why am I walking backwards

to come fix a pipe for you?

- Okay.

- Yo, this is--

- Because I thought

you needed a kitchen!

It's yours till you get

on your feet.

- Don't play with me like that.

- I'm not.

That's what this space is for,

and plus, like, we're family.

- Facts.

Do you know what that is?

- Nope.

Eh?

- You gotta be kidding me.

Yo, don't play with me

like that, yo.

Don't play with my emotions,

yo.

- What?

- I could rock with this, yo.

- Yep.

- Plus, all them racks on racks

on racks, that's me?

Pshh.

Say word?

Come here. Come here.

Come. Come here.

- Baby, hi!

I brought you pizza.

Your favorite kind.

- What the--

- What happened to the top?

- What do you mean?

It looks good!

- It's a bald pizza.

What do you--

- Okay, I ate a--

just, like, a little bit--

- A little?

Oh, interesting.

- No, we'll eat that

together later.

- No, you can eat it.

- Are you serious?

- But you ate it.

- But you love it

'cause you love me.

What are you painting?

Wait, let me guess.

Um, okay.

Right now, I'm seeing--

this is a alien nipple?

- No.

- This is adinosaur titty.

- No.

- Well, what is it, then?

- You're drunk.

- I mean, I had, like,

two glasses of wine.

What?

I thought we were allowed

to drink wine.

- Uh, yeah, we are.

We are.



- This is the heart

That used to feel

the joy of waking

I was thankful

for each flower, every dream

These are the eyes

That used to see

each new day breaking

And believing it was a gift

from God to me

I have felt

these things inside

Since you left, everything

beautiful has died

Come back home

Oh, baby, come back home

Everything that I've been

living for is gone

Oh, baby,

won't you come back home

- Thank you for riding

the Staten Island Ferry.

- And you see that?

That is OJ's other glove.

- No way.

- What?

- Mm.

I'm just f*cking with you.

It's not.

It's a Barry Bonds

2001 practice glove.

- Well

- You had me there, sir.

- Yeah.

- Oh, my goodness.

- What?

- Is this real?

- Yeah!

- Britney Spears?

- That's so sick!

- Yeah, it's Britney.

- What?

Why do you have all this stuff?

- What can I say?

I have a trust fund,

and I love eBay.

- You can get anything on eBay.

- You can get a lot of sh*t

on eBay.

You know,

I love all this stuff.

- All the sports?

- All the sports.

All the games.

- Mm.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing?

Are you skating in my house?

And you're gonna damage

a $3,000 board.

What are you doing?

It's my house.

- That's a signed original.

Okay, I'm gonna

take that from you,

'cause you're gonna

hurt yourself,

and that's a $3,000 board.

You're gonna bash--like--

ay-yi-yi-yi.

- I can do it. Watch, watch.

- Just--

okay, you're scaring me.

- Wait, wait, wait.

One more, one more?

- All right, one more.

Whoa!

- Oh, my God,

you're k*lling me.

I'm tripping right now.

- Check it out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- That's a Tony Alva board.

That's a signed original.

- Do you know--

do you know who Tony Alva is?

- Not really, but I know

it's expensive and sh*t.

- Whoo!

- What the f*ck?

You're good?

- I'm good. I'm good.

- You were all like

- Okay! All right, okay.

Yo.

- Look, look.

You're goofy, you know,

when you drop the act.

- What?

What act?

- That.

- Stop.

- Okay, look, I'll show you.

It's like, you're--

you're kinda like

Yup, yup.

Right there, put it right--

guys--gu--

How did I do it again?

How did I fall?

Do it again.

- You was like

- This your first time

seeing it?

- There's something

about it still.

It's like--

- It's better than crutches.

- You guys married?

- Nah, bro,

we were just on Molly.

- What?

- Yeah, I know.

I know.

You're not supposed

to get name tattoos,

but drugs are f*cking weird.

- Well, Micah says a lot

of nice things about you.

- Really?

I wish he'd say them to me.

- What are you doing?

- Stealing your warmth.

Obviously.

- Yo, bro, I have respect

for my friends, like

- Me too.

I'm literally

just sitting here.

- You literally are not.

That is so hot.

- My bad.

- Oh, I'll be damned.

Look at that!

- I told you!

- Oh, sh*t.

That is cool. So cool.

Who's that guy?

- Oh, it's my friend Tai.

He's, like, basically

like a little brother.

- Yeah.

- You know, we skate and--

- Hey, Bianca, give--thank you.

- Indigo.

He let me skate

the Tony Alva board

and I did a manual on the board

on his floor.

- Bianca, let's dance.

- I don't dance.

- Everybody dances. Come on.

- Mm, you're about to.

And I'm gonna

hold onto your phone.

- Not me.

- You can dance.

Oh, a little Britney?

Look out.

Is it dance party time?

- It's dance party time.

- Yeah.

- Uh, no, you know

I don't like to dance.

- Yes, you--come on.

- Come on, come on, it's okay.

- No.

- Go ahead.

- I don't really know how to.

- Yeah, you do.

Everyone knows how to dance.

- I mean, I can, like, do this.

- Mm, nope.

- There's no escape

- A little spin.

- Whoa.

- You're dangerous,

I'm lovin' it

Too high, can't come down

Losing my head

- Oh!

Are you okay?

- Do you feel me now?

- Oh, my gosh, really?

- Yeah, I think it's broke.

- Damn, where?

Nah, I'm just kidding.

I'm fine.

- It's not funny.

It's not funny--oh, my God.

- I got you, though.

- With a taste

of a poison paradise

I'm addicted to you

Don't you know

that you're toxic?



- Yo, I know this is weird,

but if you kiss right now,

this Tony Alva board is yours.



- It's getting late

- Yo, you think it would

be okay if I kissed you?

- Yeah, it would be cool.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- What the f*ck?

- Can't come down

It's in the air

and it's all around

Can you feel me now?

- f*ck.

- We shouldn't.

- We aren't.

- With a taste of your lips,

I'm on a ride

You're toxic,

I'm slippin' under

With a taste

of a poison paradise

I'm addicted to you

Don't you know

that you're toxic?

And I love what you do

Don't you know

that you're toxic?

Don't you know

that you're toxic?

- Okay, board please.

- With a taste of your lips,

I'm on a ride

- Okay.

- Intoxicate me now

with your lovin' now

I think I'm ready now,

I think I'm ready now

- I think I'm ready now

Stop, bro, don't yank.

We have gum stuck in our hair.

Oh, wow!

What if you guys

start dancing a little bit?

KIRT: Yes!

Why are we even

doing photoshoots here?!

I'm just trying

to make some money,

because I'm like,

homeless right now.

-Are you kidding me?

-Homelessness is a spectrum.

Hey, get your booty in here.

Hey, Honeybear.

Can you just like,

-take me already?

-sh*t.

SPEAKER:

(GASPS) We made it.

KIRT: This is all meant to be!

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYS)

(LAUGHS)