02x02 - Blue Is the Warmest Threesome

[bunniefuu]

As some of you may have heard,

we've lost our elites.

Which means that you

and everybody else

has to bounce.

Ma'am, you need to put on a mask

or you need to leave.

You can't even

cover up your belly.

You look like a prost*tute.

I don't breathe

-out of my bellybutton!

-Ow! Ow!

Damn girl, you bringin'

all that cake to the party,

you ain't save me a slice?

SPEAKER: We're probably

gonna do a new girls' line,

or maybe even a girls' team.

So, if you're interested,

I'll pull you some gear.

You look like a thot.

These men are like rich, rich.

Like, you talk to them,

you listen to them,

it's that easy.

ASH: I know you're supposed

to pick someone

you can actually hook up with.

HONEYBEAR: She's hot.

Wait, I think she's

coming over here.

What about the ribs?

Everything's getting tossed

the next 48.

If you can manage to get 'em

out of here before then,

they're all yours.

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

- Come here.

- I wanna freek you

[Jodeci's "Freek'n You"

playing]

- I wanna freek you



Every time I close my eyes

I wake up feelin' so horny

I can't get you

outta my mind

'Cause sexin' you be

all I see

I would give anything

Just to make you

understand me

- [moans]

- I don't give a damn

about nothing else

Freek'n you is all I need

[smooching]

Tonight, I need your body

Tonight, you got my time

Girl, whatever you want,

I would give it, baby

- Lay back.

- Yeah, ooh, ee

Tonight, you got my mind

You got my mind

- [exhales softly]

- What must I say,

oh, tell me

- You're beautiful.

You know that, right?

- Uh, I guess?

- Lickin' you all over

your body

Body, body, baby baby

I think about freek'n you,

baby

What must I say,

tell me

What must I do

To show how much

I think about freek'n

- [panting]

- What did you think?

- It wasinteresting.

- What?

[laughs softly]

- You guys were up

late last night.

- [laughs]

I loved watching

you two together.

- Oh, yeah?

- You're so hot sometimes,

I can't stand it.

[chuckles]

Well, would you wanna

see her again?

- Maybe.

- Sorry, I'm not sorry

I don't mean to offend,

but I can't pretend

That I ain't got a body

So sorry,

but you don't own me

If you're not comfortable

with the way I do

Then you ain't gotta copy

Freedom's taking over



Take that shirt

right off my shoulder



I just wanna

free my t*tties

They just wanna be free

I just wanna

free my t*tties

They just wanna be free

- All right, thanks Cecile.

Next, please.

Next, next.

- Yo, can I get this?

Damn, my fault.

Was you in line?

- Yeah.

- Relax.

- That's why I f*cking

answered.

[sucks teeth]

Can you spit in his sandwich?

- Oh, no,

we don't do that anymore now.

- What?

Since when you stopped

doing that?

Damn.

- What's up?

Let me just get this.

- Son, can you have respect

when you pass me money?

You can't throw money

to my face like that.

- What's up?

- Have respect

for yourself, son.

- Oh.

We're day drinking now?

- What's "day"?

It's a pandemic.

- Pardon me,

what are you doing now?

- What?

- You can't open a beer inside.

That is something

you can't drink.

Step outside now.

- What the f*ck?

- I said step outside!

- Why's everybody f*cking

coming for me, yo?

- I already said step outside,

m*therf*cker.

No drinking

inside the store!

No drinking, m*therf*cker!

[unintelligible], no respect?

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.

- What's up?

- Hey.

- [exhales]

- You guys, where are we gonna

take these ramps?

We only have 48 hours.

- I don't know.

- I was trying to think

of somewhere, but

- We need someplace indoors.

- Yo, my homegirl got some keys

to the Picnic House

in Prospect Park.

- I don't think we can bring

a bunch of heavy sh*t there.

- Okay, guys,

I got place for you.

- Where?

- You do?

- Oh, I'm sorry, just kidding.

Just put your mask on,

and go outside, let's go.

both: What?

- [unintelligible] mask,

in and out!

- Wow.

- Now get the f*ck

out, man.

Out!

Let's go!

- Love you, Deli Mama.

- Bye.

- [laughs]

- Love you, guys.

[soft piano music playing]



- So, uh, Zelda, tell me.

What is it that you do?

- I'm a beekeeper.

- Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah, that's pretty

interesting.

Uh, what kind of bees

do you keep?

- The bumble kind.

- Really?

Oh, all right.

- So when are we getting paid?

- [chuckles]

Uh

- What she means is, when are

you gonna give us our gift?

- Yeah--uh, well, you know,

if you ladies wanna do this

again tomorrow,

I am a very, very busy bee.

- [laughs]

- As you would imagine.

Uh, but if you two wanna

give me a buzz

- [laughs]

I'm down.

- All right.

Buzz, buzz.

- Check it out.

- Damn, this spot is big.

- Wow.

- Welcome to the big time!

- I was not expecting this.

- This place used to belong to

the guy, the Fyre Festival guy.

Not Ja Rule, the other guy.

That's how we got

such a good deal on it.

- Okay.

- Check it out.

You got the brushed

concrete floors.

You got a half bath,

whatever that is.

- [laughs]

- And, uh, yeah.

Place is incredible.

- Oh, my gosh.

- sh*t's big.

- Sick, right?

- Yeah.

- sh*t is crazy.

- What'd I tell you?

- Damn, you're a lifesaver.

- You guys are fam,

and I'm gonna knock off

half my fee.

How's that sound?

- Fee?

- What?

- What you mean, fee?

- What do you mean,

what do you mean?

- Check this sh*t out.

- Hello?

- $15,000 a month?

- [scoffs]

- What?

- f*cking Farouk!

I thought that you said

you could hook us up.

- I am hooking you up.

You know how hard it is to get

a showing during COVID?

You're lucky

it's not a virtual tour.

Want me to get that paperwork

started or what?

- Dude, of course not!

- Such a waste

of our f*cking time.

- Yeah, tell me about it,

buddy.

Hey, whoa, whoa!

Hey, the floor!

Stop!

That's brushed concrete, man!

Hey, hey!

- [sighs]

This is f*cking bullshit.

- [scoffs]

I mean, you're telling me.

That is your friend.

- Oh.

Do you have any better ideas?

- All out.

- Hey, stop, hey, the floors!

Come on.

- You have snacks?

- Yes.

- Guys never have snacks.

- What's that supposed

to even mean?

Hold up.

I'm not "guys."

Plus, it's a f*cking LUNA bar.

Like, I can't eat

the whole thing by myself.

I'd probably grow t*tties

or some sh*t.

- What?

- Yeah.

Would you like some?

- [sighs]

- [laughs]

- Tiny a*s lemon bar.

- Yeah, whatever.

- Come on, man, stop!

Let's go.

Come on.

Waste of my time.

You--hey, hey!

Stop, man!

Stop.

What are you doing?

[mellow music]



- Philip, man.

Just tell us what happened.

- sh*t's crazy.

[exhales]

- I f*cked her best friend.

- Oh.

- But she had f*cked

my brother.

- Lowkey dirty.

- You don't go f*ck

family members.

Like, she only knew her bestie

for at least three years.

I knew my brother

for at least 20.

I just--so I deaded

that sh*t last month.

- You've been in touch, though?

- Not at all.

I blocked her.

But I had unblocked,

but then she blocked me.

And now I'm just in my bag,

so it's just like--

- Always, you always do that.

- [sighs]

I just wanna call her,

to be honest.

- Yo, that's because

you don't feel sh*t

when sh*t happens, bro.

So you get constipated.

- For real?

Catching feelings

causes constipation?

- Bro, you're [unintelligible].

It's a metaphor, dummy.

- Yo, hit me again.

- So what's up?

So what's up? So what's up?

- Yo, chill.

Yo, listen, listen.

Listen.

- What?

Why you up?

- It's like you're a camel

in the desert.

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

- I feel you.

- You're used to going

hella long without sh*t.

Just wandering.

Then, you meet a shorty.

It's, like,

you reach this oasis.

- Oasis?

- Makes sense, makes sense.

- And you're chilling,

but at the same time,

it's your nature to wander,

so you do that.

[dynamic, contemplative music]

Then you good for a few days,

couple weeks.

And then you're just like,

[camel grunting]

"Damn, I'm thirsty."

- That's what I'm saying.

I've been looking for an oasis.

- Story of my life.

- I've been looking

for the oasis.

- Story of my life.

- No, but guys, really--

I'm--guys, I'm thirsty.

- Oh, where's the bag at?

- I think I got some water.

- You got the bag?

Give us some waters.

- Thank you.

- That's what I'm saying.

- See, I'm not

going back this time.

- Don't--just keep wandering,

bro, keep wandering.

It's hot wandering out here.

- Mm-hmm.

[all cheer]



- Listen to her.

Admit that you're wrong.

You think anybody wants

a d*ck pic?

Actually, some people do.

[laughter]

Say you're sorry.

Yo, cook something!

Sandwiches don't count.

Burp through your nose.



Yo, take a shower.

Wash your hair.

- Bro.

- My wrist.

I was skating! My wrist.

Nah, one more time,

one more time.

Nah, nah, I feel it,

right here, right here.

[all jeering]

[all cheering]

- [laughs]

Cuddle after you f*ck.

- Hold them and everything.

- Don't just leave.

Give more cute kisses.

all: Kirt, Kirt, Kirt, Kirt,

Kirt, Kirt, Kirt, Kirt!

Kirt, Kirt, Kirt, Kirt,

Kirt, Kirt, Kirt, Kirt!

Kirt, Kirt, Kirt, Kirt,

Kirt, Kirt, Kirt!

- $500?

And we're doing this again

tomorrow?

- Nah, we ain't.

- What?

- This is when they get touchy.

There's no second dates,

no second locations,

no going alone.

- Whatever.

- I'm not f*cking around.

This is not a joke.

I'm serious.

- Okay

[chuckles]

d*ck ain't free.

- But you can't go asking them

for money like that.

You gotta make it seem like

it's their idea.

Like, it's the best idea

they ever came up with.

- All right.

And there's enough dudes

to keep us getting paid, right?

- Pays the rent.

- Mrs. Paloma.

May I take your bags, please?

- Absolutely.

- Thank you.

- And how are you?

- Good, how are you?

Camille still has you

sleeping on the floor, though?

- Wanna see?

- Let's see it.

I feel like it was sketchy.

But whatever.

- That's fire, right?

- Ooh.

[leisurely music]



f*ck it, I don't care.

That's it.

We got the clip.

- Did we?

Nah, do it again.

Oh, ah!

- [yells]

- Water!



- Oh!

- Wow.

- All right, so I'm gonna put

the no-comply--

hmm, I feel like my no-comply

line is not as good.

- It is.

The 14 looks good.

- But I'll put that one first,

and then I'll put

my other line

- But make sure you put

the nose manual in it.

- I'll put the nose manual

in it.

Did you get me when I--

- I got it.

- [chuckles]

- No, it's probably on one

of the ones that's, like,

seven minutes, 'cause it took

you that long to land it.

- This is the other

ten minutes.

- I didn't film that.

- It's okay, it's fine.

I'll land--I'll fall again.

I fall really good.

It's my specialty.

- "I fall good."

- I fall good.

They're funny.

Yours is clearly

way better than mine.

- Nah.

- You're just being nice.

You can be honest with me,

though.

- Yeah, you're a*s.

- I know.

- [laughs]



- Hi.

[laughs]

Um, I like your board.

It's cute.

You got the, like, riser pads.

f*ck yeah.

What size is it?

- It's an 8.5.

- It's an 8.5?

That's f*cking great.

I ride 8.5s too.

- Are you sure?

- [laughs]

Well, not right now, you know,

but I usually ride an 8.5.

You know, it's fun.

It's a good size.

Good for my big-a*s feet,

you know?

Yeah.

Do you wanna go for a swim?

- What are you talking about?

- Do you wanna

go for a swim?

- You know how cold it is,

right?

- [laughs]

Yeah.

But, um, why not?

[laughing] It'd be fun.

You can, you know,

swim to the Statue of Liberty.

I don't know where it's at,

but it's around here somewhere,

you know?

Shouldn't be too far.

- It's that way.

- Yeah, it's that way.

Yeah.

But, um, yeah.

How about it?

You know, I just thought

you looked really cute,

and, you know,

I was wondering if I could get

your Instagram or something,

you know?

I don't know.

Up to you, really.

[clears throat]

[gentle music]

- You know what I look like,

right?

- Yeah.

- Without the mask?

- You look cute.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

Um

So what's your name?

- Honeybear.

- Honeybear?

Oh, sh*t, you look like

a Honeybear for sure.

Um, yeah.

Wow.

So, what do you say?

Can I get your Instagram

or something?



[camera shutter snapping]

- Dude, um, can you stop

taking d*ck pics?

I'm trying to sleep.

[breathes deeply]

Dude.

Oh, my God.

I'm trying to sleep.



[birds chirping]

- [exhales]

[car horn honking, dog barking]

[children chattering]

- [quietly] f*ck.

- Make a rude b*tch mad

'cause my ice got the brr

And your friends pullin' up

'cause my M's lookin' up

Yeah, young, reckless,

you can't test it

[cell phone buzzing]

New thing,

got a groove like Elvis

Going too ham, yeah,

don't touch my precious

- Yo!

- Yo.

- We have one day.

- I know.

I'm on my way.

- You're literally in bed.

- I'm not in bed.

[door creaks]

- Hi, Honeybear.

- Six feet apart.

Six feet apart.

- I'm bringing you

breakfast in bed.

- Ow.

- Eat all of it.

- I swear I'm on my way.

- Hit me when you

get on the ferry, okay?

- Give me two feet,

we're out of time

- I just checked it out.

Sick video.

But we need to see

that whole gear,

the shirt and the pants.

- Oh, okay.

Yeah, totally.

Um, I'll make sure

that I do that next time.

- How about this?

You got all those hot girls

around you and your crew.

Take some with them.

- W-what girls?

- You know, I'm always seeing

you guys on the 'gram.

What about eyebrows girl?

- Oh, no, she doesn't really

skate like that.

Like, she just started,

and she can't really do

tricks like that or anything,

you know?

- It doesn't matter.

You could fake it.

- Um, actually, I'm getting

another call right now,

so I gotta go.

- You're the best, Cam.

Thank you so much.

- Okay, bye.

- Yo, what's up?

- No one seem to understand

that this is the last day.

- Oh, yeah, okay,

I'll start looking.

- Thanks.

Are you with Indigo?

- I don't know where she went,

actually.

- [sighs]

- So you're saying I should

wait to sell the condo?

- Well, it's a classic mistake

to sell in a down market.

But you don't seem like

the type to panic, so

Smart guy like you.

- So don't sell

in a down market?

- No.

- Do you concur?

- Absolutely.

- Okay.

Should I refinance?

- What are the interest rates?

- Low.

- Then yes, you should.

- Brilliant.

Well, thank you

for the consultation, Violet.

- My pleasure, Rick.

I mean, who knows?

Having an empty condo

might come in handy.

- Indeed.

- Janay!

Janay!

Yo, Janay!

- [sighs]

- Yo, Octopussy

wanna tell you something!

- What--what is an Octopussy?

What is that?

- It's, like,

a tentacle kitty cat with a--

- Okay, Kirt.

I'll see you later!

- What?

No!

Wait, I found a connecting

skate spot!

- Are you serious?

Okay, let's hear it.

- I'm so f*cking hyped

we got a spot.

How'd you find out

about this sh*t?

- Kirt, surprisingly.

- What?

A'ight, cool.

Well, I got as much as I could

in the U-Haul,

but I thought you said you had

people to help us unload.

- I do.

They're on their way.

- A'ight, cool.

Well, I ain't gonna front.

We gotta kinda

hurry this sh*t up.

My cousin's in the middle

of moving,

and I gotta get the truck

back to Soundview ASAP.

- Wait.

- What?

- You jacked

your cousin's U-Haul?

- I mean,

have you ever rented one?

- No.

- They not really 19.95.

- Sorry.

Sorry, my guys.

[grunts]

[loud rock music playing]

Got the ramp right here.

You gotta hook these

into place.

Bada bing.

Perfect.

So, um, yeah,

I don't really smoke.

I mean, I microdose shrooms

on weekdays.

Uh, and I'll take

a hero's dose on Sundays.

You know,

really keeps the heart open.

Gotta keep the heart open.

Um

Yeah, the door's never locked.

It's actually busted.

But don't try and lock it.

And, um

Yeah, it's not really, like,

the party-party vibes here,

you know?

Or even really, like,

afterparty.

But, like,

after the afterparty,

if you wanna bring

some people back, you good.

That's you.



- This sh*t is f*cking

- [scoffs]

- Janay.

What the f*ck was that?

I thought you said

this spot was legit.

- Yeah, that's what I was told.

- I f*cking took off work

for this sh*t, you know that.

- Okay, all right.

Look, we can just bring 'em

somewhere else, all right?

- Where the f*ck we gonna

bring 'em, Janay?

I gotta have my f*cking truck

back now!

f*ck, bro!

f*ck!

- Okay, curse at me

one more time,

and see what happens.

- I'm sorry.

- That's a start.

So what's next?

- Well,

I haven't figured that out yet.

- [laughs]

Oh, gosh.

You quit your job,

and your plan is

to figure it out?

You remind me more

of your father every day.

- And that's why we both left,

'cause you say

stupid sh*t like that.

- Uh, and you both still

owe me money.

[cell phone ringing]

- I'm gonna f*cking

pay you back!

- Hello?

- Hey.

- Are you good?

- Sorry.

Yeah, um, what's up?

- Uh, well, we're still

looking for a spot.

Um, what's up with your mom?

- [sighs]

You know, she's just--

same bullshit, testing me.

And she just trying to tell me

how to the live the--

my f*cking life because she got

rich at gentrifying New York.

And obviously

I don't f*ck with that.

[sighs]

And actually

Actually

- Hello?

Are you still there?

Hello?

- How do you feel

about chocolate factories?

- No, stop.

Please stop.

- [unintelligible]

- Please stop.

Please stop.

- Come on, come on, pick it up.

- Pick it up, yo.

- So, "Proud Family"?

What, I like it.

- What, you don't like it?

- Wait, wait, hold on.

- Your mom hooked you up

with this?

- Something like that.

- Yeah, okay.

Wait.

Keys?

- No keys.

No.

- You don't have keys?

- All right, back up.

- But

- Bro!

- How do we--how are we

supposed to get inside this?

- Camille knows, Camille knows.

- Watch, because we do this

all the time, ready?

- Oh, okay!

- Three, two, one!

- Hold on.

Stop, stop.

Hold up, hold up.

[laughter]

- Okay, I mean,

that works too.

- That's what we doing.

This is what we doing,

we here.

We here.

- You know?

All right, go, Kirt.

- Oh, we Willy Wonka

in this b*tch?

- [laughs]

all: Oompa Loompa

doompety doo

I've got a message,

message for you

Oompa Loompa doompety dee

Something, something,

something

[laughter]

- Yo, what is this place?

- It's been sitting here

for ten years,

and I thought it could be

our new winter spot, huh?

Huh?

Huh?

- Damn.

This is valid!

Yo!

- Facts, let's explore.

- Oh, my gosh.

Yo!

[uplifting music]



- [unintelligible]

[laughter, indistinct chatter]

- [yells]

- Oh, oh, oh, oh!

- Oh.

- [grunts]

- Wow!

[vocalizing]

- Scary face.

- One time when Camille saw

this b*tch in her backyard

and she had on a white dress.

And she caught it on tape.

- Talking about me?

- Yes.

- You mean I saw a ghost?

- So, and then you deleted it

'cause you didn't want it

to go in the Internet.

- Yeah, because if I post it--

- No, you can't talk about--

- If I post a ghost on the

Internet, it's gonna haunt me.

- Please don't talk about

ghosts in here.

- You scared of ghosts?

- No. Look at this place.



- I would fall

out of bed a lot.

- Is she scary?

- And he would pick me up

and put me back on my bed.

- Who would put you back

in your bed?

- The ghost.

[both bellow]

- The ghost in the--

Look at her face.

- So my brother has--

used to have hair like mine,

like, just like mine.

And my dad would

always rub his hair

so, like, he would go to sleep.

But one day my dad

was rubbing his back,

and his hair started moving

like someone

was doing--touching it--

[both scream]

And then, like,

a couple nights later--

- They're scared.

- It was always, like,

weird sh*t, like--

it was always, like, really,

really cold in the apartment.

Like, you could see your breath

even if the heat was on,

like, hot summertime,

windows open,

90 degrees outside.

- See whose breath?





[bright tone]

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)

Hey! Can you please just stop?!

And who the hell are you?

Yo, Kirt. I don't know

who you think you are.

-Sexting my man

about your G spot!

-Oh, sh*t.

Place is amazing. When did y'all

get to the neighborhood?

Oh, we just pulled up.

It's still fresh.

-CAMILLE: You'll help me

with the photos?

-I got you.

Yo! Y'all takin' h* photos?

I just need one little favor

in return and we're square.

-I'll do anything.

-Look out. (SNICKERS)

We are about to get paid,

b*tch.