02x06 - Workaholic

[bunniefuu]

[21 SAVAGE AND METRO BOOMIN'S

"MR. RIGHT NOW"]

♪

I'ma slide anytime you want ♪

Put you in Chanel,

I'ma teach you how to stunt ♪

21, slip and slide like a waterfall ♪

21, ay, turn your phone off ♪

Take your clothes off, 21, I'm a savage ♪

But I [BLEEP] her to a slow song, 21 ♪

Turn the lights down, 21

21, I ain't Mr. Right

But I'm Mr. Right Now, straight up ♪

She want me to [BLEEP]her

to Beyoncé, straight up ♪

But I don't treat her

like she my fiancé, on God ♪

Oh, my goodness! You are terrible at this!

Stop k*lling me!

Oh, man.

[INDISTINCT]

- Aw, Gary, drive safe.

- Yeah.

Huh?

You said oh, yeah. Of course.

Good hang, girl.

You read, too. That's tight.

[FUNKY UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪

That's me, Kenan!

♪

Excuse me, sir.

How are you and your wife enjoying

Atlanta's food truck festival?

Oh, we're not married yet.

We just met by the sushi burritos,

which I'm buying for my beautiful wife,

who's home caring for our four children.

What? You married?

You said your wife was dead!

Well, it looks like the jury's still out

on the food and wine festival

and that guy's marriage.

And cut.

I should have known they were

too happy to be married.

Oh, that lady looks low drama.

- Uh-huh.

- Excuse me.

- Sheila.

- Oh!

- [LAUGHS]

- Oh!

- Girl!

- Hey!

Kenan, this is Sheila,

my soror from college.

Skeewee!

What you doing in Atlanta?

Oh, you know last-minute work trip.

- Sheila, you ready to party?

- [LAUGHING]

Oh, [BLEEP], Mika.

Skeewee!

Kenan, these are my other sorors,

Keisha and Alexis,

who are apparently in town

for the birthday weekend

I thought was canceled.

Well, very awkward to meet you.

Sorry, Mika.

It's time we tell you the truth.

Keisha?

We were going to invite you, but Sheila?

Mika, we love you,

but you always say you're gonna come,

and then you bail on us at the last minute

because you gotta work.

Then one of us has to pay

full price for a room.

And split the stripper

three ways instead of four.

Oh, that's when the up-charging starts,

am I right?

And don't get a stripper on the holidays

because they gon' add in surge pricing.

I'm not paying doub

that's not important right now, is it?

Not at all.

Now, come on, y'all, I canceled one time.

You canceled the birthday trip one time.

You've canceled four homecomings,

two Friendsgivings, and Essence Fest 2016.

- Did I?

- That one was your loss.

We were extras in "Girls Trip"! [LAUGHTER]

That's what I know you from!

- You got peed on by Jada!

- I did, I did!

- [LAUGHTER]

- [CLEARS THROAT]

We could try to add one more

to the reservation tonight.

Yeah, come get yourself

some of this life, Mika.

A job ain't it.

Well, my job is. I love it.

And I'm passionate about it,

so that's why I can't make dinner tonight.

Excuse me. I'm gonna get back to work.

You guys enjoy your little trip.

Skeewee.

Hey, hey, hey, come on now.

Don't let those ladies get under your skin.

They didn't. Why would you say that?

Because it sounds like

your friends didn't invite you

to a crazy fun weekend

- I got it.

- Oh, okay.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Hey, sorry to do this to you guys,

but we need to stay and come up

with a new segment.

What? Why?

Because Kenan's "Word on the Street"

turned into a turd on the street.

Easy.

I think with some good editing

and maybe some cool graphics,

we could turn it into, like, a "Cheaters:

Food Truck Edition."

Oh, I'm fine polishing the turd

if it means we get out of here.

Yeah, Mika, I've got

my tennis league tonight,

and I already took my slow release oxy.

Huh, I'm gonna go ahead and assume

that oxy is prescribed

and not the reason you went to Mexico

four times last month.

Let's go with that.

Look, guys, we'll just stay

for a couple more hours,

and you'll see.

Putting in a little extra work is worth it.

Yes, free dinner. Am I

Just ask for the raise, man.

Okay.

[SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪

That was incredible.

What happened in there

or what happened in here?

[LAUGHS] You're silly.

And cute. Don't forget cute.

- What happened in here.

- Yeah, fo' sho.

And the whole night, I guess.

It was nice going on a real date for once.

It was.

Even though Lauryn

Hill was four hours late.

Hey, she's been

pretty consistent about that.

[LAUGHS]

You know, some people

are worth waiting for.

- Anyway, what should we

- Drive safe.

Okay.

- Uh, you want me to go?

- Yeah.

Oh, you got, like, work in the morning?

No, I get to sleep in,

but I'll hit you up again.

Okay, when? I mean, cool.

I'm cool with that, okay?

Just the coolest guy. Yeah.

Oh, so you already busy.

Okay, so I'ma just go ahead and head out.

Bye. Thanks.

Open, closed?

She said two hours. It's almost midnight.

I missed my bleaching appointment.

- Your hair looks great.

- It wasn't for my hair.

It was for my you know what?

It's not important.

I don't get it.

Why did she make us

work late for no reason?

Well, it's not for no reason.

Oh, yeah, it's 'cause your segment sucked.

Uh, no, it's because

Mika and her friends have been

having some problems outside of work.

- Mika's never outside of work.

- That's the problem.

And when her friends pointed that out,

it put her in a bit of a mood.

We're all friends.

Stop being so pathetic, Phil.

Sorry. [CELL PHONES CHIMING]

And we're working late

again tomorrow night.

Come on, I got Joe Rogan tickets.

When I see Mika, I am gonna be

as nice as I always am, but on the inside,

she better watch out.

You know what? Let me talk to Mika.

I think I can get her to ease up.

- You need a wingman?

- Get a dog, man.

A dog and a raise.

God, Phil, have you ever been a wingman?

No.

[SIGHS]

Are you just getting home from work?

Yeah, man, Mika is tripping.

But what's up with you?

How was your second date with Miss Carrie?

Wait, wait, Carrie and Gary.

Oh, that's adorable.

I'ma get a drink.

Well, we slept together again,

and she asked me to leave again.

Great. That's awesome.

I mean, I guess the only thing

better would be

if she gave you a little cash

on the way out.

I'm sorry.

I don't like making jokes like that,

but it was right there.

It's not funny, Kenan.

I want to be the one to leave.

I feel like she has all the control.

- So get it back.

- How, huh?

Invite her over here and smash,

and then ask her to leave?

Oh, that's not a bad idea at all.

Well, actually, I was gonna

suggest maybe take her out

to a nice dinner and then politely ask

for some of the power back

in the relationship.

But hey, you and I are

two very different people.

Yes, we are. I'ma go with my smash plan.

But thank you.

All right, well, may I suggest

that you maybe smash outside the house,

like in a hotel or the backseat

of your car perhaps?

Oh, give it up, Kenan.

I've already had sex in your bed, dawg.

What?

Yes, in your clothes, role-playing as you,

and I made her wake up with me.

Hey, was it in one of my suits?

Could've been.

It better not have been the baby blue!

[SCOFFS] Gross.

"We're having fun." Okay, grow up.

"Cheers."

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, Mika, we really need to ta

is that your pillow?

- Are you sleeping here?

- Sometimes.

But where do you bathe?

In all the places that matter,

boom, boom, and beep-beep.

That's not what I meant.

I think you knew that.

Bot look, is it possible

that maybe your friends were right

about you working too much?

Huh, too much.

You see this? This mine.

Sheila rents her handbags.

Alexis lives with her mama.

I own a house. You see these awards?

Just accolades,

accolades, accolades, right?

Keisha's biggest achievement

is getting peed on in a movie.

I mean, she still smells

like Tiffany Haddish.

All right, this is a very bougie rant.

I'm just saying

that I am proud of hard I work.

And look, Kenan is

proud of you, too, queen.

Thanks.

But, I don't know,

maybe you're in your feelings,

and you're not dealing with it,

so you're making everybody work

all these crazy hours.

And people are not happy about it.

"People"?

People who work

on the number two morning show?

Huh. Who, Kenan, who? [LAUGHS]

Give me names.

I don't know, I think maybe

Phil was saying something

about his check or something, I don't know.

You know what? I got this.

No, you don't. You don't have to get this.

Mika, come back!

Show me some more fancy handbags, queen!

I mean, it's too much.

- It is late.

- I'm so tired.

- Yeah.

- Hey, everybody.

Kenan told me that you're upset

that we're working late tonight,

so I want you to go home and get some rest.

- Oh.

- [SIGHS]

Because we're working the weekend.

Oh, thanks a lot, Kenan.

Hey, you wanted a night off, right?

- So I delivered.

- Mika, you're crazy.

I'm not working the weekend.

What did you say?

I said you're crazy.

Just 'cause you don't have a life

doesn't mean you have to ruin ours.

- Ooh.

- Okay.

Okay, let's calm down a little bit here.

- Everybody's friends here now.

- Yeah, best friends.

- Phil.

- Phil.

Work is way more important

than barfing around the streets

with your friends, okay?

So we are gonna eat, breathe,

and sleep this show

until we're number one.

- Okay.

- No.

I am gonna eat food,

I am gonna breathe air,

and I am gonna sleep

on a cool-a*s adjustable hospice bed

that I just got at an estate sale.

Pamela, if you don't come in this weekend,

don't bother coming in tomorrow

or any day after that.

Hey, long weekend. Look at that.

That's a compromise, right?

This is a good day.

- Shall we get some scones, or

- No.

I meant don't come in ever again.

- Are you firing me?

- Come on, Pam.

- Nobody's firing anybody.

- Pam, you're fired.

[GASPS]

Damn, she just fired Pam.

- [LAUGHTER]

- What?

Okay, I'm sorry.

You still got R. Kelly on your playlist?

- I know, he's a monster.

- Yeah.

But he also made me believe

that I could fly.

But you can't fly though.

Deleted. [BOTH LAUGH]

All right, but if you're

getting rid of that,

I am getting rid of

the Shaq album!

Okay, you not about to play

with "Shaq Fu" like that.

- No!

- He gave you slam dunking

- No, he didn't.

- Being a ninja

Mm-mm.

And a police officer in a random town.

- Well

- Come on now.

He might have a personality disorder.

Also, hold on, you can't judge

because you have Michael Jackson

and then Donald Trump's audiobook,

"The Art of the Deal."

Is this your canceled playlist?

Yes, and my list of people

who can't read that well.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Ugh.

[MUNI LONG'S "HRS AND HRS"]

Well, I mean, I think it's time

- that you um

- [LAUGHING]

I mean, I think it's time that you

- Mm-hmm?

- Should have some water.

Do you ever drink water?

I mean, don't most people?

Right, well, I'ma get you some

so that you stay hydrated.

- Okay, thanks.

- All right.

- You sit tight.

- Okay.

Don't go nowhere. I shall be but a minute.

I don't know why I did that. [BOTH LAUGH]

All right.

I could do this for hours ♪

And hours and hours - [LAUGHS]

I could do this for hours

and hours and hours ♪

I could do this for hours and hours ♪

So you just gon' go through

with your crass-a*s plan

to get your power back, huh?

Yeah, of course.

Absolutely, yeah.

About to, soon as I give her this water.

She gon' be on her way.

Kenan!

Hi. Carrie. Sorry, big fan.

[LAUGHS]

You're so much taller in person.

Why, thank you very much.

- [LAUGHS]

- And here's your water.

Oh, and thank you. Bye, guys.

And you should leave and drive safe.

Go on, get on out of here

and drive cautiously.

You think that qualifies

as asking her to leave?

And she done took one of my good glasses.

Boy, what's going on with you?

I've tried to kick this woman out, man,

but I can't.

Oh, I get it.

You think this is

about getting your power back,

but you sprung.

Since the first night, man.

All I wanted to do was

stay over and cuddle.

What do I do?

- Help me.

- Just tell her that.

Tell her how you get lost in her eyes

whenever you see her

or how your heart skips a beat

when she enters the room.

Man, that is corny as hell.

I'm not saying that.

Yeah, well, maybe it is,

but you been swiping through

these streets for years,

and I have never seen you like this.

You were singing Michael Bublé

in the shower the other day.

I know.

I was experiencing

a Bublé level of emotions,

all light jazz and tight Zara suits.

But what if she don't want

to stay the night, though?

Well, then, you come back and pretend

you didn't like her in the first place,

and I pretend to believe you

'cause I'm your brother.

Thanks, fam. You a real one for that.

I'ma go to bed real quick.

You 'bout to go see if she's still

in the driveway, ain't you?

No, no, I'm not even gonna do that.

- All right.

- That's a stupid idea.

Okay, then why are you

running to the front door?

Mm-mm-mm, the pitifulness of yourself.

Okay, come on, Mika.

You made your point,

but you gotta get Pam back.

No, all I gotta do is

pay taxes and stay cute.

Yeah, but Pam is family,

and the good kind of family, too.

She would never steal

your social security number

and go buy a car.

- Ooh

- Yeah, that was Gary.

Okay, Kenan, can we talk

about this after the show?

You're on in one minute.

Oh, forget about the show for one second.

Work isn't all there is, Mika.

You know what, it might be easier for you

to understand that if there was no show.

What are you talking about?

I'm not working until you bring Pam back!

Excuse me?

I that's what my mouth just said,

and I believe I concur.

This is for Pam.

[JOINTS CRACK]

I heard something pop!

Yeah, I need to get back up.

- But I believe I made my point.

- Mm-hmm.

Come on, help me up, girl.

Appreciate you.

I'll just stay down here all day, then.

Can somebody call LeBron's doctor?

I need new knees.

Kenan, I ain't playing with you.

- Get to work.

- No. No.

Not until you agree to talk to Pam.

Kay. Kay, fine.

Tami, guess what? You got your wish.

The show is now yours.

Really?

No, Tami, Tami, think about Pam.

- Tami.

- Tami.

- Tami.

- I'm so torn.

This is just like

when I divorced my parents.

You don't want it like this.

You're right. I choose Pam.

She would never spend my pageant winnings

on beef jerky and Mountain Dew.

Kay. Kay, fine. Phil!

Oh, geez, please no.

I'm a fourth banana at best.

What's a fourth banana?

I don't know. Maybe it's sexual.

Okay, you know what? Hey, you!

The show is now "Wake Up

with What's-Your-Name."

- What's your name?

- Beck.

But I'm sleeping with Pam.

Also, we're on in 30 seconds.

Okay, okay, so nobody?

Nobody cares about the show? Hmm?

Not as much as we care about Pam.

Would you please go talk to her?

And say what, that she was right?

That I put work before

my friends until I had none?

And my life is so sad, I asked my Postmate

to watch "Queen's Gambit" with me.

She was like, "Uh, not again.

Not again."

Now I'm dragging you all with me.

Well, I wouldn't mention the Postmate part.

That's rock bottom.

But the rest of that was pretty good.

I am so sorry.

Wake up, wake up, wake up ♪

Good morning, Atlanta.

Welcome to "Wake Up with Tami."

Finally.

She slid out there

halfway through your rant.

- Yeah, she was quick.

- Girl can't even help herself.

BOTH: Tami!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

You think Pam will forgive me?

I was pretty awful to her.

Yeah. I mean, it's Pam.

- She's super reasonable.

- Okay.

Huah!

- Ah!

- [GROANS]

- BOTH: Oh.

- MY bad, b*tch!

Hey, tell your wife I got her

while you heal up.

All right, well, everybody knows

that trash talk is a big part of tennis.

- Is it?

- Limp faster, Kip!

This is Pam's house! Pam's house!

- Hey, Pam

- Who wants some?

Oh, Kenan, sorry. I was in beast mode.

Yeah, yeah, we saw you

serve Kip up that vasectomy.

Not on me.

- Mika.

- Hi.

What do you want?

To talk about last night.

Well, I only have the court for an hour,

so if you wanna talk, we talk in my house.

Oh, but I'm in heels, so

- Kip, run those shoes!

- Hm?

Oh, he doesn't have to do that okay.

He'll do whatever I ask. Hey, Kip!

Bring me a $20 bill!

- He's gonna bring me $20.

- Oh.

Want one?

[LAUGHING]

Okay, strip.

Okay, but can we talk first?

Oh, no, baby, you're not pregnant, are you?

'Cause I swear it's not mine.

[LAUGHS]

You're so funny, man. I love you.

- What?

- Huh?

- What?

- No, mm-mm.

What I was gonna say is,

I think after we do the thing,

we should watch TV together

and take a long nap,

and then wake up the next day

and have some cheesy eggs and some juice,

something like that.

You're saying you want to stay the night,

and then eat breakfast?

Uh, sure.

Definitely, I think.

Oh.

I mean, I figured you just

wanted something casual.

I mean, we met on Impromptu-Vous.

I'm sure I wasn't your first vous.

No, no, but

look, you're the only girl with a smile

that made my heart skip a beat.

Aw, Gary, that's hella corny.

Man.

[LAUGHS] But it's also kinda sweet.

For real?

So you'd be down

for more than just hooking up?

Yeah.

You wanna cuddle?

Hell no, I don't wanna hell yeah!

- I'm little spoon!

- What aww!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

It was hard for you to say that.

- It was.

- It was.

I almost farted right in the middle of it.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Okay.

Okay, all right, next one.

I got the next one.

- Here we go, and

- Huah!

Just oh! Okay.

Didn't get that one either.

Do they always come this fast, or

- Okay.

- All right, come on, Pam.

Ease up. Hear her out.

Fine! I'll go lefty. Talk.

Okay, look, I'm sorry, Pam.

Okay, I never should have fired you.

Look, my friends really hurt my feelings,

but they were right, and so were you.

I need to work a little less.

- Huah!

- Okay, a lot less. A lot less.

I definitely need to find

a work-life balance.

Look, can we stop now?

I'm meeting my sorors for dinner,

and I don't wanna sweat out my silk press!

Wait.

You're going out instead of working?

Yeah, I told you, you're right.

- Pam, Pam, Pam

- No, Pam, don't hurt her!

[BOTH GRUNT]

Aww, love. Just like tennis.

[LAUGHS] Man, I am funny.

Really worked up a sweat there, huh, buddy?

- I skew moist.

- Let me get in on this.

BOTH: Aww.

- Oh, you are moist.

- Yeah.

- Should we hit the showers?

- I'm out.

- As a group, or

- I mean, whatevs.

Okay, well, shower for one. Jealous?