01x02 - Because... ADOS

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Run the World.

For your first assignment,

you won a trip to cover

Soulja Boy's Legends party tonight.

Anderson? What are you doing here?

I missed you, Ella.

No.

Well, I'm f*cking

my thesis advisor and kind of sort of

raising his kid

in an undefined relationship,

which makes our communication

about me fake step parenting

his daughter

easy and effortless.

You're getting married.

You missed the window for entry.

Well, apparently, I missed

the window for everything

because I spent my 20s

f*cking my college sweetheart

instead of f*cking that guy.

That's Chris Cabrera.

He's the community peen.

Weddings are so overrated.

Inspiring prenuptial insights

from our only married friend.

Make you wanna coca

Your boom party

Every y'all move back

When my mind don't play

Every y'all push back

Like a real artist

Ah, sh*t, I'm about to bust.

Not yet.

Why not yet?

Wait for it.

Oh, f*ck!

Jesus, Renee!

Oh, my bad.

I was just trying

to hit a reverse cowgirl.

Ow! What was wrong with regular cowgirl?

Did you have a private call

with Al Roker this morning?

Huh?

You're looking real Hollywood

in these Harlem streets.

Oh, Matthew and I

had a late night last night,

so it's a sunglasses

and Advil kind of morning.

Aw, look at you two having fun.

It's Renee.

n*gg*r*s!

Honestly, I can't.

- Ooh!

- Oh, oh!

We running, we running

We running, we running

We run the world

We run the world

We run the

Yeah, the ER's

pretty slow for a Saturday,

so I should be able to get outta here

when my shift actually ends.

Hey, your Aunt Feyi is the one

who's hosting us tonight, right?

She's your mom's

third youngest sister, correct?

Yes, correct. Impressive.

Well, I've been studying

the seating chart.

Babe, I appreciate you

making the effort,

but that's not necessary.

No, your family is important to you,

so your family is important to me.

You are important to me.

Aw, so you really like me, huh?

I'm serious, Ola.

I love you very much.

I love you too.

Now, my aunts came a long way

to meet and judge you,

so please be on time.

I'll be there with bells on.

Well, after dinner, uh,

I wanna ring those bells.

Ooh.

Take it off, take it off.

Take it off.

- Whitney?

- Take it

I got that research

on the Beyond Burger IPO you wanted.

Ah, I gotta go. I'll see you in a few.

Bye, babe.

- Oh, was that my mans, the Big O?

- It was.

I've never been to the wedding

for a Nigerian prince before.

Oh, you're not invited.

- And he's not a prince.

- You sure?

It's such a princely sounding name.

- Olabisi Adeyemo.

- Just don't.

Hey, where's the honeymoon?

Wait, don't tell me.

The doctor and the banker go to

Bora Bora.

- The Maldives.

- Boom!

That is straight baller status.

You are, like, never

coming back to work, are you?

- Of course I am.

- Yeah, right.

The Big O is gonna hit you

with the old honeymoon pumps

in a bumps and have you

barefoot and pregnant

by the time you cross back

over the Atlantic.

I am not getting pregnant,

and I am absolutely

- coming back to work.

- Okay.

I mean, that's what

all the boss chicks say,

and then three months later,

they bounce.

Stop being such a sexist moron.

These days, women go back

to work much faster.

Just pump and freeze and leave

the baby with a nanny.

Great, you're all still here.

Uh, Brett Peters

from Eco Cheese just called.

He's in town, and he wants us

Meaning you

To take him to dinner tonight

at one of those vegan places

where they substitute

cauliflower for steak.

Uh, George, I have

a wedding appointment tonight

- that I cannot

- Oh, I'll do it. Brett loves me.

No, he loves Whitney,

so he gets Whitney.

You get to go and learn.

I'm sorry about the wedding stuff.

You got this?

I got it.

G'day, ladies. What can I get you?

We'll take three mimosas.

Three gin martinis, straight up.

Must be a hard morning.

Actually, getting divorced

is surprisingly easy.

- Cheers!

- Okay.

What did Jason do this time?

Leave black socks on the floor?

No. I kicked him in the head.

- Huh.

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm trying

to picture that in my mind,

but the logistics of it are escaping me.

Well, I was f*cking him on top,

and I tried to turn around

without dismounting,

and I kicked him in the face.

She was born without a filter.

- Was he hurt?

- He bruises if you pinch him.

He has yellow undertones.

You could've broken my nose.

I said I'm sorry.

Stop acting like a p*ssy. God.

Well, that's not very

Black feminist of you, is it?

Right.

The feminist part of me

is supposed to be okay

with supporting you financially

while you chase a pipe dream,

but calling you a p*ssy?

That's off-limits.

I thought you believed in the band.

I do believe in the band.

I don't believe in you quitting

your job to manage them.

When we blow up

I'm not gonna let you

take a selfie with us.

Mm-mm.

Where you going?

Renee, I'm-I'm trying here.

- We said we were gonna try.

- I just tried.

This

was me trying.

We don't have to do cowgirl.

We got lazy doggy.

Regular doggy.

There's all different kinds

of doggy we could do.

That is a fascinating way

to end a marriage.

When did you move to the States?

Who, me?

Well, I've been here

for five years already.

I love your accent.

What's your name?

Colin.

No. Sorry, Colin.

We're here for me today. No flirting.

- Why you hating?

- How am I hating?

You don't f*ck white dudes,

so this flirtation

would ultimately go nowhere

and only annoy him and me.

- You've never f*cked a white guy?

- No. You know this.

- Have you?

- Yeah.

Do you remember Crew Kid from Emory?

Oh, yeah. Sophomore year.

How was the sex?

It was the same, but fleshier.

- What?

- I don't know.

There's something about white guys.

Their skin is just it's fleshier.

Well, no one's sucking

fleshy white dicks today,

so can we please get back to

mourning the end of my marriage?

Yeah? Let's do that.

Uh-uh, tell that broad

there's no conference dial

in a playtime.

What's her problem?

She's getting divorced.

- Again.

- Mm-mm.

Nope.

Where the f*ck are you?

Stuck at work.

- It's Saturday!

- I know.

We're prepping for this IPO,

and Ola and I have a tasting

I'm not trying to be mean,

but I don't give a f*ck

about your wedding today.

Wow, there. Way harsh, Tai.

I'm sorry, but today is

"Renee's getting a divorce" day.

I'll care about your wedding tomorrow.

So wait, it's really ov

- Well, okay, then.

- Okay.

So this m*therf*cker said

that sl*very is the reason

our marriage failed.

Oh, my God.

Not sl*very.

So you kick me in the face

and just go take a sh*t?

You're doing it wrong.

The paper hangs over the top.

Jason, who the f*ck cares?

And once again, you left me

four freakin' squares.

I care. I care!

Why do you always gotta be on

your independent woman bullshit?

Why can't you ever just do what I ask?

There's so not enough money

in this relationship for gender roles.

It's always about money with you.

Nope. Nope. Not letting you flip this.

Don't try to make me the villain.

I married a private equity manager,

not Ja Rule's former intern,

for a reason.

You've never supported

the things I've wanted.

You can't be serious.

Our entire marriage,

that is all I've ever done.

Sure, as long as it benefitted you.

- You should've kicked him again.

- Mm.

So where does sl*very

come into all of this?

Okay, what's up with these glasses?

Um, well

I have pink eye.

Amari brought it home from school?

No, no.

Matthew pooted in my face.

What?

Well, I have been trying

to spice things up in the bedroom

since that whole Amari ballet debacle,

so I was doing this

perineum stimulation thing

with my tongue.

Okay, and?

And I encouraged him to sit on my face

so I could get a better angle,

and when he got up there, he pooted.

You don't have pink eye,

you have stink eye.

Come on, girl. Laugh.

The sh*t's funny. The sh*t's funny.

What's a perineum?

Uh, it's an imaginary strip

of real estate

between your ba*ls and your as*h*le

that only existed in the pages of Cosmo

in the early aughts.

You're talking about the t'aint.

The what?

T'aint the ba*ls, t'aint the p*ssy,

t'aint the a*s.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Very funny, joke is on me.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm gonna go make room for more liquor.

- All right.

- Take your nasty a*s

to the bathroom.

Get your mouth off of me.

Oh, Mr. Perineum,

can you get me another one of these?

I love that dress.

- Oh.

- Cushnie?

- You have fabulous taste.

- Well, thank you.

So Brett, we wanted to discuss

pricing for the Eco IPO

'cause based on the Beyond Meat numbers,

we think we can go higher.

Yes, from our analysis,

we can go up to $10 more a share

and still expect

a 100% increase when we open.

I'll do whatever

this gorgeous gal tells me.

We're cheese people, not greed people.

Listen, Brett, you gotta be mindful

of leaving money on the table.

I mean, it would be malpractice

if we let you sell this

Take a breath, sweetness.

I trust Miss Whitney with my life.

She'll make the right call.

So how's the wedding planning going?

Do you have a picture of your fiancé?

I've never seen the lucky b*stard.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

He looks like a Benetton model.

You two are perfect.

Oh, well, I'm not perfect,

but he still loves me,

flaws and all.

Um, how do I get

an invite to this wedding?

He's the community peen.

He's literally f*cked everybody we know.

So Miss Whitney, invitation?

Well, um, let's get this IPO

to market and we'll see.

Excuse me. One second.

Hey, Whitney.

Are you seriously standing me up again?

I'm sorry, I'm still working.

Oh, what the hell?

Whitney, my aunts are pissed.

Ola, it's not like I'm just

hanging with the homies.

I'm with a client.

I know you were nervous

about meeting them,

but this is getting embarrassing.

Are you coming?

Yes.

Okay, well, just call me

when you're on your way.

I gotta go cover for us.

My love, where to next?

I wanna do Nueva York

à la Whitney Greene.

Oh, Whitney can get us in anywhere.

I guess I can do one drink.

So is he talking Kunta sl*ve?

12 Years a sl*ve? What degree of sl*ve?

Girl, he took it way back.

All the sl*ves were there.

Okay, do-do you not understand

the plight of the Black man?

sl*very?

Mm!

What are you looking for?

Oh, I'm-I'm just looking

for where the f*ck

sl*very just came from.

You act like I cheated on you.

Oh

you cheated on both of us.

You cheated yourself out of a career,

you cheated me

out of financial stability,

and you cheated us out of the future

we've been planning

for the last five years.

And, you know,

I'm just not understanding.

If you wanted to manage a band

why are we paying off your MBA?

Oh, you really think these degrees

mean something, don't you?

Yes, Jason.

A Stanford and a Wharton MBA

do not a broke couple make.

Barack to my Michelle.

Do you really think you're

bringing it like Michelle?

- n*gga, what?!

- Renee, listen.

If you think I'm choosing to not make

as much money as I want to make,

you don't know me at all.

I made an investment in something

I believe in for us.

For you.

We

You made an investment?

Jason?

I invested some of our mutual fund.

Uh, well, how much of our mutual fund?

All of it.

Some of that was my money.

It's your money now?

'Cause it was our money yesterday.

Yes, it was "our" money

when "we" were investing it.

You-you're joking, right?

Jason.

Please tell me you're f*cking joking.

Can't you see I'm trying

to own something here?

I'm trying to create a legacy.

Wow.

Well, you a big dog now, huh?

So he's on some Kanye sh*t.

No, he doesn't have Kanye talent

to be on some Kanye sh*t.

That is one of the challenges

of Black love.

We're all bringing our own trauma

- into the equation.

- Uh, yeah.

I am fully traumatized.

That m*therf*cker sold my Apple stock.

You know, Jason just might be

my last Black man.

It might be time for me to take a cue

from Eve, Tina, and Serena.

Y'know, get me an Alexis O-hani-han.

I don't think

that's how you say his name.

Listen, marrying

the non-Black billionaire

always sounds intriguing,

but my dad is a dark-skinned Black man

who has worshipped my mom

for the last 40 years.

I can't not want that.

If you are waiting for your daddy,

you're gonna be waiting a long time.

Okay, shut up! I'm talking!

Apparently, he's been

floating the entire band,

paying for studio time,

equipment, social media promo,

all of it.

Wow. Just wow.

When I got nothing better

To do, I think of you

And I don't waste my time

Wishing you would be mine

If I were a woman, I'd want those legs.

She's just so free.

- Oh!

- Yes!

- Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi!

- Whoo!

Mm!

Ah. Okay.

Drunk time, truth time.

I came into town to get away

from Jack and the twins.

Don't get me wrong,

they're the light of my life,

the center of my universe,

but jeez, money Christmas.

I just needed a minute to do me.

And by that I mean getting wasted

- and twirling around in circles.

- Whoo!

Oh, look at me, talking too much.

Enjoy your right now.

I loved planning my wedding.

Aww.

Actually, Brett, tonight,

I was supposed to be with my fiancé.

Hey, where's Radha?

Ooh, start the echo

Echo, echo

Speak to the silence

Echo, echo

Hands with the new dawn

Echo, echo

Home, are we heading?

Echo, echo

It's beautiful.

You're the husband, right?

Yeah.

Radha?

Whitney!

I was looking for you.

In the mirror?

Do you see stars?

Not like stars but, like

stars.

Did you take something?

No! I don't do drugs.

Although a really nice girl

gave me an Altoid

that tasted like a pocket.

Okay.

Radha, that was molly.

I'm on drugs?

I'm on drugs.

Okay, so let's get you home now.

You're so pretty.

I wanna be like you when I grow up.

Like, I know I'm a grown up,

but not like a real grown up.

I don't even have a Chanel bag yet.

Okay. Let's go.

What do you wanna do

When you're speed dial hollering

079 4:00 a.m. rude boy ting

I can keep you up,

put you down if I want to

Brett!

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Brett! Brett.

Hey, I'm so sorry,

but I gotta go get this baby to bed.

I love it!

Little Miss Priss is f*cked up!

Viva la freedom!

Don't worry, Whit. I got Brett.

Okay, all right, this way.

This way

Hold on. Don't-don't touch people.

Don't touch

Just don't touch strangers.

Oh, sorry.

b*tch shoulda got a prenup.

Let's not get carried away, girlfriend.

Pretty sure you don't

make enough money for a prenup.

b*tch, shut up before I

stab you with a butter knife.

I'm just being honest.

Oh!

That's it.

I can't go for that, whoa-oh

No can do, ah-ah!

Can't go for that

And there she goes.

I can't go for that

sh*t, I can't go for that

No

- my marriage is over.

- Okay.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Okay, come here. Come on.

- No!

Breathe, baby, breathe.

Oh, I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

I haven't been able to breathe

in my marriage for months.

And every time I try to swim

to the surface for air,

here he comes

with another wave of bullshit.

You do not need to feel guilty

about wanting more.

You know what?

I promise you I'm not just being petty,

and it's not just about the money

or the condo we bought

that we couldn't really afford.

I work really hard for this life,

and this is just not

what I signed up for.

You know, like, I know I'm a lot.

- No.

- Mm-mm.

I am, but this is just

unacceptable.

You ladies need anything?

No. No.

Read the room, man.

She's done for now.

Uh, do you think you could

take her home,

because I

Oh, I see.

You need to go get yourself Colin-ized?

We'll see.

I'm nearing

my drink-to-d*ck limit ratio,

and I really don't wanna call Anderson.

I could use the d*ck-straction.

Fine.

But only because

I'd rather you f*ck anybody

other than Anderson.

- I love you the most.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, no, no.

- Come here.

Up here, babe. Come, come, come.

You don't love me, and I know now

- I do.

- Yeah.

- It's all right.

- It's gonna be okay.

Come on.

No no no

You don't love me

And I know now

You're not leaving with your friends?

Should I?

Why don't you wait

till I get off my shift,

and I'll take you dancing.

I like trouble

'Cause some things

Ain't the way they seem

I like upfront

But quiet like I do not understand

Fly like I'm one

Vibe, I'm one

Feelin' the sun

Under our skin

Oh, you feel amazing.

Ew. Is that hair gel?

You all right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Fine.

- Yeah.

Can you get behind me?

Oh, yes.

- Mm.

- Yes.

Take this c*ck.

Did he just say "c*ck"?

Yeah, that's it.

Take this c*ck.

d*ck! It's "d*ck."

Say "d*ck."

Oh, okay.

Wha-what?

I gotta go.

Uh, I-I just, um

Thank you.

Who says "c*ck"?

You did not leave mid-stroke.

I had to.

"c*ck" is such a dirty word.

Really?

They say it in porn all the time.

Black men say "d*ck."

You must be watching white people porn.

Well, doesn't everybody?

- I do.

- Me too.

Really? Why?

Because. sl*very.

Exactly.

And when I watch porn with Black women,

I have all these questions

about pay disparity

in the industry

and whether or not these women

are socioeconomically empowered

to choose the sex scenes

that they're having on screen.

Ugh, that part.

And Black porn

always looks so low-budget.

They're always filming in, like,

MC Hammer's abandoned mansion

from the '90s

with mirror closet doors

and carpet on the stairs.

Personally, I just can't stand the sight

of n*gg*s f*cking with socks on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, so porn.

It's so porn. Ugh.

Oh.

It was just something about seeing him

- behind me in the mirror.

- Mm.

The imagery was just

so incredibly sl*ve-y.

I swear I could hear Harriet Tubman

calling out to me.

What'd she say?

She said bissssshhhhh

No, no, no, it was more of a,

"Ella. Ella.

You gots to git now.

Git up and go find your freedom."

You guys, I'm not sure

I should be getting married.