01x09 - Crime After Crime

[bunniefuu]

[heist music playing]

[sneaky heist music playing]

-[Snake] It's not a twist top, ya dingus.
-[Shark] I'm gonna twist your top off!

-[Wolf] Hey--
-Shh!

-[vehicle approaching]
-[Webs gasps]

[tires screeching]

[screaming]

-[brakes squeal]
-[Shark whimpers]

Guys? What are you doing out here?

Is that a statue?

Whoa! Yeah. Uh, where did this come from?

Wait a sec.
Did you replace me with a statue?

No. We went on a heist without you.

[sighs] Less outrageous, but still rude.

You were just taking so long to find
street parking after our last heist,

we decided to pull another one.

It's because our crummy lair
doesn't have a garage.

It's been hours,
and I still haven't found a spot!

Isn't that one, right there?

-Oh, come on!
-[engine starts]

[tires screeching]

[grunting]

Why did we choose a lair
with so many stairs?

You don't have to climb them.

-It's called empathy.
-Never heard of it.

[Snake wails]

-[door opens]
-[woman] What's going on out there?

Hey, neighbor.
Just a little a cappella practice.

[Snake wails]

-[woman] Yikes! Sounds like you need it.
-[door shuts]

[sighing]

-Find a nice spot for this, Shark.
-Uh…

Where?

Is it hilarious or sad

that the hardest part of our heist
is where to fit the loot?

It's good. All this?

It's criminal credibility.
It's why we heist.

[sighs] Finally parked.

-[coins rattling]
-[Shark gasps]

Fin Bro!

[yelling] No!

[heist music playing]

[engine revving]

[hisses]

[tires screeching]

Our loot k*lled Piranha!

-[coins rattling]
-Hey! Watch it! That thing is dangerous.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but you ever think
we've stolen too much stuff?

[laughter]

[Snake] "Too much stuff."

Good one, Snake.
No way we're stopping now.

We just hit number three
on the Worst of the Worst List,

and number four is dying
to knock us back down.

Boo, number four!

We need something big
to solidify our status

and get us into
the same tier as the greats,

like The Crimson Paw or…

My mentor? How long has this been here?

I just found the perfect heist
to boost us to infamy.

And I found Piranha.

I saw the white light!

Everybody, listen up.

This is a will from
my dearly departed mentor, D.B. Cougar,

that bequeaths me
his "greatest accomplishment."

I knew he didn't just forget about me
after he disappeared.

He sort of left me hanging.

No goodbye, closing lesson,

or student-has-become-the-teacher
sort of moment.

But this is it.
Uh, a final challenge for his star pupil.

[gasps] Huh.

A garage door opener?

You inherited a garage?

Oh, my prayers are answered!

[device whirring]

[Piranha gasps]

A holographic map?

Your mentor was legit.

And there's only one thing
it could possibly lead to.

[videocassette loading]

[retro synth music playing]

Tiffany Fluffit Senior reporting live
from the scene of an unthinkable crime.

Big-time crook D.B. Cougar

has just stolen
the mother lode of gold bullion,

valued at $50 billion.

That's right, billions in bullion.

A heist that's so off the scales,
Channel 6 has created a brand-new scale.

Presenting the Worst of the Worst List.

All to illustrate
that D.B. Cougar was here,

but is now here.

I can't think of
a greater accomplishment for a criminal.

Which sounds like a commendation,
but is really a firm condemnation.

In other news, a new album
from Kidz2Men is coming out today.

Oh, a new Kidz2Men album is coming out?

I love "Rhythm and Hooves."

Everybody loves "Rhythm and Hooves."
But we need to focus.

Dozens of criminals and cops have tried
to find the bullion since, and failed.

If we get it, it'll be like--

Looting Atlantis?
Stealing Excalibur from that stone.

Defrauding El Dorado.

Exactly.

Okay, it says here
that the inheritance is located

at the treasure chest symbol on the map,

past a keypad lock with a five-digit code.

Each of the dots is the location
of an item we'll need to heist

to reveal each number of that code.

Jeez! That's complicated.

I guess D.B. wanted this bullion job to be
just as hard for us as it was for him.

Great. We love a challenge.

Sorry. That sounded sarcastic,
but I actually meant it.

-True, we love 'em.
-Webs is spittin' facts.

I ain't afraid.

Good, because we get one try
to enter the code by midnight tonight

or the gold will self-destruct?

What? Why the heck would your mentor
set such a tight deadline?

He didn't. The will actually arrived
a few months ago.

I guess it got lost
in the mess of the lair,

and now time's almost up.

You do realize
this means five heists in one night?

The all-time record is four.

And that was set by The Crimson Paw.

We'd have to beat a legend
to get this done.

I love it!

Again, we like challenges.

-I'm gettin' all tingly.
-Bring it on!

If we could pull this off,

The Bad Guys
will finally be in the big leagues.

We'll go down in history.
Heistory! Missed it!

Copying the map onto our phones.

[phones chiming]

Let's get ready for a heist-a-thon.

It's glorious.

[Snake] You hit heist-vana.

Ooh! You're the Michelangelo of plans.

The Michel-plangelo.

Wow. We're absolutely
not getting our security deposit back.

The first item is somewhere in the museum.

Our only window to pull it off
is the guard shift change,

which just happens to be right about now.

[heist music playing]

[gruff voice] Stop right there!

-[bell dings]
-What's going on?

[in gruff voice]
I got here early for our shift change

and spotted these
crusty-lookin' scoundrels on the prowl.

No need to call it in.
I've got it covered.

-Why don't you head out early?
-Oh.

That's real generous of you… "Not Shark."

[tense music playing]

Now, that is a great name.

Might have to steal it
for my firstborn. [chuckles]

Now, that's a weird thing to say.

[Wolf] Once the guard's gone,
Webs will disengage the security system.

-[keyboard clacking]
-You're clear to proceed.

[Wolf] Our mark is Sad Boy?

Okay, remember,
don't look directly at the painting,

or else…

Too late. I couldn't help it.

[Snake sobs]

Oh, crud. Now I'm looking too.
Where's the code number?

I can't see.

His sad little mug is clouding my eyes up.

[sniffling]

Let's just jet. Webs will figure it out.

D.B. Cougar was a legendary thief.

He wouldn't leave code numbers
in clear sight, like a noob.

My guess?

He used a phosphor to hide them.

Bingo.

-[whooping]
-[Wolf] Yes! That's a number, baby!

We've got the first number.
The remaining heists are too far apart.

We won't finish in time
if we go one by one. We split up.

Webs and Shark will take item number two,

Snake and I will take three,
and Piranha will take four.

Then we rendezvous
at the location of the last item.

Remember, tonight cements The Bad Guys
as big-shot criminals.

D.B. Cougar believed I,
and you by extension, could do this.

Let's prove him right.

We have to be at our best, our sharpest,

so turn those predator instincts
all the way up.

My mom's? Again?

Jealous! Can we please swap items?

-Yes!
-No! Stick to the plan.

-I hate you and this m*rder house.
-You love me.

I have that macaroni valentine
to prove it.

I know things were tough
the last time we were here,

but we know what we're doing now.

We'll be in and out in a jiff.

[chandelier creaking]

[floor squeaking]

That's it, over there.

Huh. I kind of like it.

Gives me a nostalgic,
cold feeling of dread.

-Makes sense. It's your mom, right?
-What? No! Get it off me!

You're the one holding it!

And you dropped it.
We're never gonna get the number now.

[Serpentina] Not unless I tell you.

[claw whirring]

[teddy squeaks]

Kind of weird
that D.B. hid an item in the arcade.

I thought
heisting a claw machine would be fun,

but I'm almost out of change, and mad!

Well, that bear has the code. Quarter me.

Check it.

[whirring]

[groans] I do not like that.

It looks like a spider.

Dude! And you'll like it fine
when it gives us infinite tries.

Put it in the coin slot.

-[teddy squeaks]
-[gasps, groans]

-[teddy squeaks]
-[growls]

[grunts]

This claw machine is rigged. It's a thief!

I mean, so are we,
but at least we're honest about it.

[grunts]

How is it not breaking?

I guess they amped up security
after we stole from them.

Someone will have to go inside
to grab the bear.

I volunteer as tribute.

[grunts]

I was clearly talking about me!

-Why am I back at the lair?
-[Wolf on earpiece] Why did you leave?

[chuckling] It's where your item is.
We talked about this.

Doesn't ring a bell. But I'll look around.

[grunts]

[panting]

-[electricity crackling]
-[jabbers]

[grunts]

[groans] Webs must have
set up more security.

How do I get in?

-[drone whirring]
-[automated voice] Intruder.

[Piranha yells]

[spits]

-[grunts]
-[neighbor] What was that noise?

I'd better take a look.

No! Uh…

It's just us again,
with more a cappella practice. Ha-ha!

-[drone whirring]
-[grunts]

[neighbor] Why does it sound
so percussive?

We're adding big band elements.

[drones clattering]

Nice cymbal work, other person.

[in high-pitched voice]
Thanks, Piranha. You're so cool.

[in normal voice]
Aw, shucks. You're so cool.

[in high-pitched voice] This is crazy,
but should we grab dinner tonight?

[drones whirring]

-[grunting continues]
-[big band music playing]

[neighbor] Whoo! That's good stuff.

Serpentina! You know the number?
You gotta tell us. Please.

I don't "gotta" do anything.

Of course, if I had incentive,
say, of the 24-carat variety…

You know about the bullion?

Mothers know everything.

[sighing] All right. What's it gonna take?

A clean 90/10 split in my favor,

and I'll give you
the information you need.

-What? No way.
-Shove it, Ma.

Then off to my evening soak I go.

Okay. What if we give up 15%?

[Serpentina scoffs]

Um… [sighs]

We'll throw in Snake's ball.

-No! Not in a million years.
-[Wolf] Think about it.

Fifty bill worth of bullion?
The respect of the criminal community?

Folks using "notorious" before our names,
all for one ball?

Plus, we'll just steal it back.

[retches]

The number was a three.

Now, get out and get me my cut.

[heist music playing]

[automated voice] Foreign object detected.

-[gasps]
-Webs!

[grunts]

[alarm wailing]

[gasps]

Webs!

[yelling] What are you doing?!

[whimpers]

[gasps]

[grunts]

[grunts] Got it.

[gasps]

[whimpers] Come on, Shark. Do something!

[automated voice] Foreign object detected.

Nice, Shark!

[teddy squeaks]

It's a seven.

[Piranha screams]

[grunts]

[groans]

Home not-so-sweet home.

[grunting continues]

[sighs] This is almost as bad
as looking for parking.

I'll never find the number
in all this mess.

Oh, I'm pooped.

Hoo! Ha! Get pumped, Piranha! [grunts]

The Bad Guys are on their way to glorious…

uh… glory, yeah.

You need to do your part!

Ooh!

-[gulping]
-[steam hisses]

[exclaims]

[unhinged laughter, panting]

[laughter, panting continues]

Team, the fourth number is a nine.

Or… Or a six? No, a nine. I don't know!

[Webs] Just bring the loot with you.
We gotta go find the last item.

[automated voice]
We are back with a new update.

How?

[grunts]

[tank hissing]

Uh-oh. This may be a one-way ticket.

[expl*si*n]

I hope everything's all right
with Piranha. He's running late.

Piranha! Ha-ha!

Ooh! You… Are you on fire?

[flame crackling]

What? No! Are you?

W-what's with all the questions?
Aren't we on a time crunch?

[gulping]

You're right.
There's only 20 minutes till midnight.

Twenty minutes to heist another item
and get to the bullion?

The timing is tight,
but we've already pulled four heists.

One more, and we'll prove
we're the best criminals in the city.

We started with nothing,
and now we have a lair full of loot.

[Snake] You're right!

-[Webs] We're gonna crush this!
-And be the best of crooks.

-[Ricki cackles] Hoo!
-[engine revving]

The best of crooks?

That's a good one, coming from
the lair-less losers with no loot.

The Night Owls?
What are you talking about?

No need to play dumb.

Word's already spread like fire,

pun intended,
through the criminal underworld.

Your lair blew up, with all your loot!

[cackles] Hoo!

That's ridiculous.

[Piranha farting squeakily]

-Piranha, why aren't you saying anything?
-Your nervous squeakers freak me out.

-Fine! Yes, it's true.
-[squeaky farting]

The lair blew up after I got the necklace,
but because of Webs' drones.

They thought I was an intruder!

We had a whole house meeting
on how to deactivate the security system.

You just say "deactivate,"
and they shut down.

Uh… Doesn't ring a bell?

-[squeaky fart]
-[Ricki laughs]

Now The Bad Guys have nothing,

and The Night Owls have one less
criminal group to worry about.

Oh, what a hoot of an evening!

Thanks for the laughs, losers.

[Ricki cackles]

Hoo!

How could this happen?
We're laughingstocks.

Our lair, our loot.

Was everything we did until now
for nothing?

Well, I guess what they say is true.

You should never try
to achieve anything in life.

Let's just go home.

Oh, wait. We don't have a home.

-It was an accident. I'm sorry.
-[Webs] Guys, look!

-[beeping]
-The fifth dot is moving, away from us.

Whatever. What's another kick
when we're already down?

That's right. We're down.
Ricki said it too. We have nothing.

Which means we have nothing to lose.

We're all in.

The only one to ever pull off
anything this crazy is my mentor,

and if we get his bullion,

we'll show him and the world

that The Bad Guys
are the baddest of the bad.

Yeah. I didn't give up my ball
to slither away empty-handed.

Let's get this heist on the road.

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

[engine starts]

[tires screeching]

We're almost to the fifth item.

It's on The Night Owls' truck.

-[Webs] That's it.
-[Wolf gasps]

Stop the car and hand over
your hood ornament, Ricki.

Are you kidding me?

Why would we give anything
to you crime-wads?

[tires screeching]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

The steering wheel's not working!

Oh, we're being hacked!

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

I'm blocking Ash's signal,
but she's not giving up.

[tires screeching]

[laptop whirring]

[Night Owls grunt]

Take out the big one.
He's clearly the muscle.

I'm not the muscle, I'm the thespian.

Release me, ye fiends!

Ha! You can't fool the Chaz-ster.

Muscle recognizes muscle.

Five minutes until midnight!

Are you crazy?
You're gonna end up as roadkill!

We're so close to getting that gold.
We need to pull this off to be great.

[Wolf whimpers]

-[clattering]
-[Wolf sighs]

If you're gonna do something crazy,
at least let us help.

Don't mind if I do.
Your tail. I have a plan.

Yeehaw! [grunts]

-We got it!
-[Webs laughs]

You rotten, no-good thieves!

First, the emerald, now this?

Quick, Piranha! Less than a minute left.

-To the bullion!
-[tires screeching]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[engine stops]

[Piranha] We lost 'em!

[Webs] The map says we're close.
Turn in here, now!

[Wolf] There's only ten seconds left!

-[keypad beeping]
-Five, seven, three!

-Careful.
-I… I can't do this.

I got the shakes. Too much coffee!

Six or nine? Six or nine?

-Piranha, this is a four!
-[keypad beeps]

One!

[beep]

[in unison] Whoa!

[gasps] Private parking.

[elevator bell dings]

-Who's ready for some bullion?
-[Shark gasps]

[Shark] Huh?

Why don't I see anything
but a stupid mirror?

[spluttering] This can't be it.

Where's the gold?

I thought we hit rock bottom earlier.

Who knew there was another bottom
beneath that bottom?

But w-we were gonna show the world
how great The Bad Guys are.

[sighs] I guess we're losers after all.

Cut it out, Wolfie.

I'm the only Bad Guy allowed to say
bad things about The Bad Guys.

Could a bunch of losers
pull off five heists in one night?

Six, if you count that statue.

Wolf, what did your mentor's will
say he was leaving you exactly?

-His "greatest accomplishment."
-Look up.

We misunderstood the will.

His greatest accomplishment
wasn't the bullion.

It was you.

And I'm nothing without you guys.

I was so fixated on proving
that we're the baddest of the bad,

when we already are.

It's not about the loot,
the lair, or the recognition.

The most important part of pulling heists
is that we all enjoy doing it together.

That's what makes The Bad Guys great.

We still need a new place to live.

Yeah. It would be great to have parking
this time, like that elevator back there.

And someplace soundproof,
with thick walls like these.

If we're comparing,
I really like how isolated this place is.

Our neighbor always peeks in
on my backyard rehearsals. Creep.

Is it just me, or would this hideout
make a pretty fantastic lair?

I think this is it, fam.

I won't have to crouch.

-Good feng shui.
-Pretty empty though.

I suppose we'll have to get heisting again
to really fill the place up.

[chuckles]

I already have tons of ideas.

[bell dings]

[beeping]

[beeping continues]

[cackles menacingly]