02x01 - Villain Era

[bunniefuu]

So, yeah. Me again.
Amina Hussein.

I recently completed a PhD
in Microbiology. Yay, go me.

So, yes, you could
call me Dr. Hussein,

if you felt so inclined,
but, right now,

I am the lead guitarist
of a punk band.

♪ Bashir with the good beard ♪
♪ You're so pretty ♪

♪ You're so pretty
You're so pretty ♪

♪ Bashir with the good beard ♪

♪ You've gone and disappeared ♪

This was the final gig of
a magical summer of gigs.

And, oh, what a summer
it had been.

One, two, three, four!

[PUNK MUSIC CONTINUES]

AMINA:
We had crisscrossed the country

in a beat-up VW camper van
affectionately named "Karen."

[HONKING]
Oi! Pick a lane, matey-boy!

Small to medium venues
up and down England

have reverberated
with our music.

Birmingham, we love you!

Hello, Liverpool.
Stoke-on-Trent, let's go!

AMINA:
We had finally found
our people. Our tribe.

Let me see all my sisters
down in the front. Let's go!

Love you so much!

We had a following of
not-insignificant proportions.

[ULULATING]

Actual human fans.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

OMG, Saira, um,
I love you so much.

AMIRA:
Only Saira seemed to find the
love all a bit overwhelming.

You're, like, my favorite ever.

OMG that's such
a stupid thing to say.

Um, you're not a Pokémon.

Saira. Hi. It's me, Taifa.
Oh.

Lifestyle vlogger-hyphen-

massive Lady Parts fan-
hyphen-multi-hyphenate.

Did you get my DMs?

No, I don't think I did.

I'm not really online.

Thank you for all the support.

It really
means a lot to us.

AMIRA:
We were inspiring
the next generation.

[SQUEALS]

With a little help
behind the scenes.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate you.

Stay beautiful.
I'll get you a kebab.

Don't f*ck up the kick.
[SUCKS TEETH]

AMIRA:
Ahsan came too.

Official Lady Parts roadie.
Whoa.

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

[HOOBASTANK'S
"THE REASON" PLAYING]

[HUMMING ALONG]

AHSAN:
♪ --that I just want you ♪

[SONG CONTINUES ON HEADPHONES]
[LOUDLY] ♪ To know ♪

♪ I've found a reason for me ♪

♪ To change who I used to be ♪

♪ A reason to start over new ♪

[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]

♪ And the reason is you ♪

Oh. Ahem.

Uh, I got you a kebab, but--

But I-- I can come back later.
Uh-- No, thanks.

Uh, sorry.
Sorry you had to see that.

I was just, um...

making a massive tit of myself.

You have a really great
singing voice.

Really?
No. That's a lie.

I'm lying to you.
Please never do that again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[STAMMERING]

[SIGHS]

[GROANING]
Mm.

[CHUCKLES]

SAIRA:
We are absolutely delighted

to be ending our tour in London,
our hometown!

[CHEERING]

Grotty, disgusting,
beautiful London.

You have our heart.

[ULULATING]

AMINA:
And with the tour finally over,

we returned home
to our mothership.

Damn, it's good to be back.

[CHUCKLES]
[INHALES DEEPLY]

Stale farts
and big dreams.

Mm.
It stinks.

Ah.

Saira, what are all these?
Mm-hm?

[SUCKS TEETH, INHALES DEEPLY]

Ah, don't worry about it.

The council
have been threatening

to turn our womancave
into posh flats

for the past six years,

but it never goes through
because, lucky for us,

we're built on
a highly unstable sinkhole,

so, eat sh*t, capitalism.

Wait, what?

Mm, so nice to finally
get to relax, kick back.

Game plan. Next steps.

You know what we've got to do.
[GASPS]

A relaxing spa weekend?

A treat for all our hard work?

No, Amina.
Not a relaxing spa weekend.

We are going to record an album.

An album?
A hit record.

An opus.
Our music immortalized.

SAIRA:
Verily 'tis true.

We can pull a middling crowd
to a not-so-sh*t venue.

We have a fanbase,
thank you, Taz.

Pleasure.
But now it's time

to lay down our legacy.
Drum roll please.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
We, us, Lady Parts,

will be recording
our debut album

with the legendary Dirty Mahmood
at Molico Studios.

He's back in the UK
for a little stint next month,

he said he'd squeeze us in.

Aw, sh*t!
No way!

Yes!
No way!

[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Who are you talking about?

Mm?

Dirty Mahmood.

Only the greatest producer
of all time.

He's a legend. A maverick.
A maestro of the mixing desk.

[BLOWS]

[COUGHING]

He produced all seven incredible
albums of Sister Squire.

Um, Sister who?

Who?
Who?

Who? Who?
Who?

Who?
Who?

[SCOFFS]

What is this, an owl sanctuary,
am I right?

[CHUCKLES]
AMINA: I didn't know it,

but Sister Squire,
aka Samia Sheikh,

was our foremother.

The first ever
Muslim woman punk.

Not that she ever referred
to herself as such.

A cult figure
with one breakthrough hit,

"Monkey Man Dance,"

a biting critique
of the imperialist

white supremacist
heteropatriarchy.

[MONKEY CHATTERS]
Ow.

Yeah, but, Saira,
Mahmood's only agreed

to waive his producer fee.

We still gotta pay studio time
and the sound engineer.

I know, it's fine. Whatever we
made this summer from gigging

just throw that at it.
Job's a good'un.

Saira, we need 2000.
Pounds?

No, shillings.
[SCOFFS]

And we only made 200.

Pounds?

Pounds, yes, pounds.

That's it? We--
We played, like, 30 gigs.

MOMTAZ [SIGHS]:
Gigging at this level
doesn't pay.

Taz, now we need a gig that
does pay to afford studio time.

You say that
like it's easy.

I believe in you.
We're recording this album.

AMINA:
Taz had her work
cut out for her,

butpour moi,
band life was going great,

and so was work.

I had landed a dream job

at Queen Elizabeth Institute
for Stem Cell Research.

Things were finally
going my way.

Wanna know why?

Because I was in
my villain era.

After all,
I had learned the hard way

that trying to please everyone

had a tendency
to explode in one's face.

Yeah,
it's a family emergency.

Oh, no, not family emergency.
Aw!

Amina.
Right back, promise.

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

[THINKING]
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

So my new MO:
Doing exactly what I want,

on my terms, my way.

Let me show you.

Amina.
Dr. Saunders.

Now, I've told you, Amina,
call me Jimmy.

Now, listen,
I'm terribly sorry, but, um,

I'll need you to stay tonight to
cover the liver disease tests.

I'm sorry, but as I detailed
to you in my e-mail last week,

I have a hard out
at 5:30 p.m. on Wednesdays

due to prior
and pressing commitments.

Look, I'm always happy to help,
but I require 48 hours' notice.

Good day to you.

Right.

[♪♪♪]

I am not a people-pleasing
yes-woman.

I'm a bad mother
with boundaries.

Non-negotiables.
Thank you. Thank you.

Villain era, baby.

[GIGGLES]

Meanwhile,
Taz was hard at work

trying to find paid jobs
so we could afford

to record the album
of Saira's dreams.

[PHONE RINGING]

[GASPS]

She was working
around the clock.

You get it. You get it.
No, you get it.

[ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]

Momtaz Records,
receptionist here.

How may I help you?

Oh, of course,
just let me patch you through.

[IMITATES STATIC]

It's a promoter.
Which promoter?

I don't know.

[EXCLAIMS SOFTLY]

Momtaz here. Heh.

Gary, mate, you all right?
Yeah, yeah. How's the daughter?

[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, brilliant. Brilliant.
Yeah, no,

I was just calling around
seeing if, uh,

you had anything
for my band.

Yeah, w-- We-- We'd love
to play Transcience Fest.

Transcience Fest.
[SQUEALS SOFTLY]

How much does it pay?

No, sorry, no, no,
we need to get paid.

[SUCKING TEETH]
What, unproven?

Right, we've got serious clout.
You-- You've seen our following.

Wait, what other Muslim band?
What-- What do you mean? Who?

[♪♪♪]

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

[♪♪♪]

MA:
It does sort of
seem like a date.

Ma, it's not.
Ahsan friend-zoned me.

It was brutal, if you recall.

AHSAN:
I should have been clear:

I really like you, but just,
you know, as a friend.

Plus, he said his colleague's
just started these folk nights

and he needs a crowd
to help get momentum.

You know, bums on seats.

So you're a bum-on-seat.

Nothing more,
ah, nothing less.

How do I look?

Lose the hat.

Really?
It's just a bit appropriate-y.

We didn't raise you
on a Kansas prairie.

[SIGHS]
Fine.

[♪♪♪]

[PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]

AMINA:
Oh, wow. Nice. Hm!

I thought you might like it.
Hm.

Are you gonna
play something?

Oh, maybe,
if the feeling takes me.

Oh.
[AMINA GIGGLES]

Ahsan.
Oh, hey, bro, thanks for coming.

Yeah, no worries.
Unh. Oh.

Uh, Billy, this is Amina.

She's an insane guitarist
and singer.

Uh, and this is Billy.
Uh, we work together at uni.

Uh, colleague.

Uh, your event looks amazing.

Yeah, thanks. Been, you know,
cooking it in my mind palace

for a few years now and, it's--

Ah, it's finally come
to fruition, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

So, um, insane guitarist, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gonna--
We gonna hear you play?

Oh, I don't know if I will.
But are you going to play?

Yeah. Yeah, maybe a tu--
Tune or two,

if the feeling takes me.
You know?

That's exactly what I said.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ahsan, isn't that what I said?
Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Well, um...

Well, yeah, let's, uh--
Let's make a pact.

If I play, you play.
Deal?

[SIZZLING]
Deal.

AMIRA:
Was it just me

or could you
smell something burning?

It was a pleasure
to make your acquaintance.

[WHIMPERS SOFTLY]

[GASPS SOFTLY]

Yikes, sorry.
Heh-heh.

Should have warned you,
he's pretty pretentious.

It's like Clint Eastwood called,
he wants his hat back.

[SIGHS]

Hey, guys, Taifa here.

This is our cover of Ladyparts'
"Bashir With the Good Beard."

Don't forget
to like and follow.

So, as you guys know,
I don't really...

The f*ck? They're using
our music to get famous.

This is f*cked up!
Nah, come on, it's a compliment.

What's that imitation
flattery thing?

How the hell did they get so big
so fast anyway? Yeah?

It doesn't make any sense.

I swear that it was,
what, 10 minutes ago

that she was sniffing around
your a*s.

Ah--
Taifa's a beauty influencer.

I mean, she had a following
pretty much ready to go.

She's got
brand sponsorships, the works.

She's--
I mean, she's savvy.

Yeah, Imani's obsessed with her.
Mm.

It's really cute.
Beauty influencer.

Beauty influencer?

I thought she was just
Saira's creepy little stan.

What?

[♪♪♪]

Oh, my God.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
They're called Second Wife.

f*ck, that's good.
It's really good.

It's good.
So good.

We have to play
Transcience Fest,

even if it doesn't pay us.
Oh, n--

We can't let them
do the show and we don't.

Otherwise, what's next?

They get offered all the shows
that are meant for us.

SAHAR: Uh, okay, sisters...
Yeah.

...are really going
to buy into the narrative

that there is only
one slot for us? Hm?

Only one band of Muslim women
allowed to exist?

When our whole thing
is that we support

the greater sisterhood,
right, Saira?

[WHISPERS]
Think about it.

We're getting away
from the point.

Our focus should be
recording the album.

That's all that matters.
[SIGHS]

But yes, we will
play Transcience Fest.

Yes, mate. Yeah, we will.

Yeah, we will.
And I'll tell you why.

Because it's tactical.
It's tactical.

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

BILLY:
♪ In colors
On the snowy linen land ♪

[BILLY PLAYING
DON McLEAN'S "VINCENT"]

♪ Now I understand ♪

[SIGHS]
He's playing Don McLean.

I love Don McLean.
♪ What you tried to say to me ♪

Yeah. Don's a don, innit?

♪ How you suffered
For your sanity ♪

♪ How you tried
To set them free ♪

♪ They did not listen
They did not know how ♪

♪ Perhaps they'll listen now ♪

[SIGHS]
Hm.

[WHOOPING AND CHEERING LOUDLY]

Yeah!

Whoo!

So, Amina,
how's the new job going?

Amina? Amina?

Hi, everyone, I'm Amina.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

Um...

Um, I told Billy that
if he played a song, so would I.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Little did I know

he had every intention
of performing, so, heh, um--

Whoo!
Anyway, uh, this is a song I--

Uh, I used to sing as a kid.

It's really a duet, but...

it still works, I think.

[LUKEWARM APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]

[PLAYING EXTREME'S
"MORE THAN WORDS"

♪ Sayin' "I love you" ♪

♪ Is not the words
I want to hear from you ♪

♪ It's not that I want you ♪
Whoo!

♪ Not to say ♪

[HALTINGLY]
♪ But if you only knew ♪

♪ Only knew ♪

[THINKING]
sh*t, the words,
what were the words?

So sorry.

Brain? Please come back.

Why can't I perform
without the band? Oh!

♪ How easy it would be ♪

♪ To show me how you feel ♪

[EXHALES SHAKILY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

AMINA & BILLY:
♪ More than words ♪

♪ Is all you have to do
To make it real ♪

♪ Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me... ♪

♪ 'Cause I'd already know ♪

♪ What would you say ♪

♪ If I took those words away? ♪

♪ Then you couldn't
Make things new ♪

♪ Just by saying ♪

♪ "I love you" ♪

[AHSAN GROANING]

♪ La-di-da-da-di-da- ♪

♪ Di-da ♪
[LAUGHS]

♪ More than words ♪

Oh, you really shot yourself
in the foot with that one.

What do you mean?
You told me

she likes rootin' tootin'
dad music,

so I took her to a folk night.

What I told you

was to take her to see
some wheezy, crusty old men

trying to rekindle
some former glory,

not to take her to see

some sexy, brooding, hokey-cokey
-folky white boy with guitar,

all flushed with youth
and whatnot.

That is her kryptonite.
What are you saying?

What I'm saying,
if you'd listen,

is that this white boy's
prettier than you.

And you just got owned.
[LAUGHS WHEEZILY]

How's he prettier than me?
I-- I'm pretty, damn it!

Listen, I'm not saying

he's objectively
prettier than you, you nimrod.

What I'm saying is that we live
in a white supremacist society,

and them's the rules.
[SCOFFS]

Which m*therf*cker decided
that them creepy,

freakish, slopey, small button
noses were superior

to my characterful, unrepentant,
unapologetic shnoz, yeah?

Our white overlords, that's who.

That's why we hate ourselves.

That's why
they're prettier than you.

Look, whatever.
Amina's not that basic.

[LAUGHING]
She's--

She's not just going to prefer
someone because he's white.

Have you seen
her bedroom wall of fame?

[♪♪♪]

Whiter than Christmas.

Listen.

Enough of this bullshit
"laddy-lad, how's it going mate,

how's it going, pal" bollocks,
all right?

You really gut-punched my girl
when you turned her down,

and now there's only
one route left for you.

And what's that?

Grand gesture or bust.

TAIFA:
This is our cover
of Lady Parts'

"Bashir With the Good Beard."

Don't forget to like
and follow! Enjoy!

Isn't imitation
the highest form of flattery?

Yes, exactly.

Not when
we're getting shafted.

No one's getting shafted.

Can we please
just concentrate on the album?

We need new material.
Song ideas, come on.

Um...

AMINA:
After my girlboss,

scorching hot performance
at the folk night,

courtesy of villain era,
I was sort of riding high.

I wanted to write a song,
nay, an anthem.

I was thinking we could--

[ALL CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]

[LOUDLY] I was thinking...
Whoa!

...we could write a song about
strong women in their power

who also have boundaries
and non-negotiables.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Catchy.

Is this about you
being in your beast mode.

My villain era. Correct.

Saying yes to things I want,
no to things I don't.

So like, a basic
girl-power song.

[CHUCKLING]
No. No, no, no, no, no.

It is not a basic girl-power
song. It is very specific.

Done her homework.

[INHALES SHARPLY]
Let's have a little read. So...

"Jimmy ate my yoghurt, now he's
putting it back in the fridge."

Oh, no.

My boss, Dr. Saunders,
Jimmy,

he's always crossing
my boundaries.

He's eating my yoghurt
out the fridge and then

he's putting it back half-eaten.
Hm.

[RHYTHMICALLY]
"I got your e-mail, Jimmy,
you sent it at night.

You expect a response,
but I'm tucked in tight."

Yeah,
that is a violation.

Right?

[INHALES, EXHALES]

[MOUTHS]
Please.

All right, f*ck it.
Let's do a girl power anthem.

[LAUGHING]
Yay!

[DRIVING GUITAR PLAYING]

I hope this song
finds you well, Jimmy.

♪ Jimmy ate my yoghurt
Now he's putting it back ♪

♪ I used to ignore ya
Now I'm playing attack ♪

♪ I dropped the defense
Now I've got you in my scope ♪

♪ Jimmy, back away
From the fridge slowly ♪

♪ Got your e-mail, Jimmy
You sent it at night ♪

♪ You expect a response
But I'm tucked in tight ♪

♪ I'm different now, Jimmy
I'm in my power ♪

♪ I'll respond to your e-mail
At a reasonable hour ♪

♪ At a reasonable hour
At a reasonable hour ♪

♪ At a reasonable hour ♪

[ULULATING]

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck given ♪

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck ♪

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck given ♪

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck given ♪

♪ Given
Given ♪

♪ You ask me to work late
But I'm all done ♪

♪ Off the clock, punched out
Time for fun ♪

♪ You ask me where I'm going
So I tell you the truth ♪

♪ Jimmy boy
I'm going to a spin class ♪

♪ Kind regards, best wishes ♪
♪ Eat sh*t ♪

♪ Yours truly, sincerely ♪
♪ This b*tch ♪

♪ But I'm different now, Jimmy
I'm in my power ♪

♪ I'll respond to your e-mail
At a reasonable hour ♪

♪ At a reasonable hour
At a reasonable hour ♪

♪ At a reasonable hour ♪

[ULULATING]

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck given ♪

♪ Self-care, bad b*tch
I'm a villain, I'm a villain ♪

♪ Out of office e-mail
Saying zero f*ck given ♪

♪ Saying zero f*ck given
Given. Given ♪

[CHEERING]

You are f*cking amazing.
Thank you so much.

[LAUGHING]
Oh, man!

That was such a feeling.
So good!

[CHEERING]

AMIRA:
We were a triumph.

My villain era
was already paying off.

I think they liked it.

No, no, no, no, no.
They loved it.

AMIRA:
Good luck to whoever
had to follow that.

ANNOUNCER:
You're a beautiful audience!
And welcome to the stage now...

Second Wife.

[♪♪♪]

TAIFA:
So you heard "Bashir
with the Good Beard" tonight.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Ladyparts were great.

They're my inspiration,
and I heart them.

FAN:
We love you, Taifa!

But now wanna hear an update
on an old classic?

[APPLAUSE]
Excuse me.

Old classic?

TAIFA:
All right. Let's go.

♪ Why won't you love me?
Why won't you text me back? ♪

♪ Leave me on read
And ghost me like I'm dead ♪

♪ Are my clothes too tight?
Do I love too much? ♪

♪ You say I'm not polite
I say f*ck you very much ♪

♪ Bashir with the good beard
You're so pretty ♪

♪ You're so pretty
You're so pretty ♪

♪ Bashir with the good beard
You say you think I'm weird ♪

AMIRA:
And there it was.

The crowd loved them,
but it was our song.

Were we being replaced?
Updated?

Like a new iOS in the night.

♪ Look what they've done
To my song, Ma ♪

[MELANIE'S "LOOK WHAT THEY'VE
DONE TO MY SONG, MA" PLAYING]

♪ Look what they've done
To my song ♪

♪ Well, it's the only thing
That I could do half right ♪

♪ And it's turning out
All wrong, Ma ♪

Stop, stop.

♪ Look what they've done
To my song, Ma ♪

♪ Ma, look what they've done
To my song ♪

♪ It's the only thing
I could do all right ♪

♪ And they turned it
Upside down ♪

♪ Oh, Ma, look what
They've done to my song ♪

♪ Look what they've done
To my-- ♪