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01x06 - Episode 6

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "I Don't Like Driving". Aired: January 12, 2023.*
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A college professor in his forties decides to get his first driver's license.

01x06 - Episode 6

Post by bunniefuu »

I DON'T LIKE DRIVING

Can they fix it?

They're going to need new parts.

More like, vintage parts.
It's an old model.

What parts do they need?

Don't know, I'm clueless
about cars. A spark plug?

Maybe it wasn't a spark plug, who knows.

They might track them down.

It's not looking good.

Being so old, it's a miracle
it's held out this long.

So you're not going back
to driving school?

No car...

what's the point?

- Dedicated to whom?
- To Patricia.

- Thanks.
- Thank you. Bye.

Dad, why are you here?

I've come to talk with your professor.

This isn't grammar school.

Teachers don't meet with parents.

But surely he wouldn't mind
if we chat a little, professor?

No. Of course not.

- Please.
- Thanks.

- Don't you lock the door?
- There's nothing of value.

I beg to differ.

This one's quite valuable.

With this one I won
the Planeta Award, no less.

600,000 euros, cash.

They've raised the endowment.
I'll have to reenter.

- Won't you take a seat?
- I'm fine standing, thanks.

I can't stay long. I'm getting
picked up shortly to go to the radio.

If you're here
to talk about Yolanda's test...

like I told her, I never give A+'s.

Her exam merited that
but I don't think it's right

to tell a student
they've done a perfect job.

And I think that's a great idea.

After attending your class
my daughter's becoming big-headed.

I don't know what you're doing
but it needs to stop.

I'm not doing anything,
I just lecture from my book.

All I'm saying is that I want
to spare her the trouble.

I'd rather you not encourage her,
if you do, she'll get frustrated.

She's a very impressionable child.

Let's see, I know too well

the impression a university professor
makes on a girl.

It happens to me all the time.

In a different manner, of course.

Every year at the Book Fair

girls my daughter's age
are lined up around the block.

And their mothers too.
My audience is quite broad.

Standing there for two hours

just so I can sign their book
and give them a smile.

Yolanda's very bright.

And I think she's got talent.

You've been teaching her for a few months.
She's been my daughter for 20 years.

That's ample enough time
to realize one thing.

What thing?

A child can have your eyes,
wing nut ears,

or turn out to be a hemophiliac,
but talent...

It's not inherited.

You're selling her short, right?

The only advantage she has
is that she's a woman.

And careful, to be a woman now
is a big advantage, right?

The infamous quotes.

I know I'll never win a Nobel Price

because they'll give it
to some African writer

with zero readerships or to a woman.

I thought we were discussing Yolanda.

And we are talking about Yolanda.
Let's see, If I sensed

any sort of talent in my daughter,

I'd be the first to tell my editor:

"Listen, get this girl published,
she's bona fide".

But she's not... at all.

At the very least
you should give her a chance.

Let's see... I don't want to offend you,

but my daughter, Yolanda,
has told me about you.

Well, about your novel.

I haven't read the whole thing,

but I know it was
a resounding failure, right?

I'd like to spear my daughter
a similar shitshow.

Right.

Well. There are worse shitshows.

Such as?

Having you as a father.

Ah, I knew you'd be offended.

Wow! The mere mention
of your failed novel set you off.

Let me cite one of my own quotes, please:

"Only those who yearn
to be offended are offended".

- I have a class to teach.
- Don't be in such a rush, professor,

running off to lecture. I still have
some time... before they pick me up.

Better if I leave.

Hey, sorry. Excuse me, but...

bearing in mind you're an avid reader
of mine you're being quite rude.

There's a quote I really like.

- One of mine?
- No, it's from a woman.

Not sure if bona fide or of a quote one.

It reads: "Just because you enjoy pâté

doesn't necessarily mean you want
to meet the duck". Good day.

There'll be no lecture today,
forget about the books.

This is a workshop, a roundtable.

Let's crack this class wide open.

You're always saying
I don't let you talk. Well...

Let's dive in.

Let's dive in.

We're going to discuss and debate ideas.

Debate what?

This course is called
Fifteen Century Spanish Lecture.

That's what we're going to talk about.

- But about what...
- That's it, "but".

An adversarial conjunction.
Conflicting ideas. A debate. Good.

This doesn't make sense.

- It's to be prepared a little.
- What are we debating?

For example. Who create 'el pie quebrado'?
Juan de Mena or Jorge Manrique?

No, no, no, no.
There's no debating that one.

The 'pie quebrado' sextile
makes its first appearance

in the verses of Juan de Mena, it's true.

But in "Coplas por la muerte de su padre"

it's known as a 'Manriqueña stanza',

it isn't Manrique's.

Please, pay attention in class.

So what are we debating?

Fair enough, I'll prep it a little
so we can do it another class.

And... and... and today
let's carry on with the lecture.

Let's go to page 204.

"The Marquis triumph".
By Diego de Burgos.

What did my dad say for you to do that?

Didn't you say you weren't
one of those 'hip' teachers.

Your father.

No, it was fine, I had a friendly chat.

What did he want to talk about?

About you, how you were doing in class,
your grades. And...

The career paths for this degree.

No, that can't be right.
My dad never talks about that stuff.

Your father may seem strict, Yolanda,

because he's demanding
when it comes to you.

- Is that seriously what you talked about?
- Yes.

It's the mechanic.

Yeah?

Would you like to grab some lunch?

Despite what I said the other day,
today's is tricky.

Better if we don't, right?

Yeah, better if we don't.

You're right. I'll drop you home.

It's not on your way, you have
to take a huge detour. Forget it.

Are you OK?

Can I ask you for something, Iria?

Of course.

Can I have the keys to the apartment?

It should have been me offering
to give them back.

You think I'm being a d*ck
asking for them?

No.

I think it's healthy.

It's to help you along too.

I'll be OK.

Now it's your turn to be OK.

Pablo.

I understand that you wanted
to do a solemn act.

- I didn't want to be solemn.
- It came out solemn.

You're usually not that melodramatic.

You chose a place...
which is in the middle of...

Let's go, I'll drop you off at home,
even if it's the last time.

FOR SALE

Hi.

- Ah, hey.
- Long time no see.

I took a few days off.

- On vacation?
- No, I went to Cuenca.

Well, you can go to Cuenca
on holiday, it's lovely.

Like I said, the coffee at the cafeteria
is better. We made plans to go.

I know.

Hey, I'm sorry, that day got very messy.

Don't worry.

Really, it's not like it was a date.

We can head over there now if you like.

Its crowded!

Let's head to the faculty area, right?

- We're fine here.
- No, come on.

I get it, it's full of faculty,

but there's less of a line,
and the coffee's better.

It's just that I'm not allowed in there.

Why not?

It's just been the typical thing
where you don't nip it in the bud.

And by the time you come clean,
it's already awkward.

Imagine after having talked to you
a couple of times,

I go and I say, "By the way,
I'm not a professor, I'm a student".

That would have been fine.
Look, it's no big deal.

And I was embarrassed too,
I'm not going to lie.

- Embarrassed?
- Yes.

At my age, getting an undergrad,

surrounded by 20-year-old kids.

College is supposed to be for youngsters.

And of course, then you appear,

a guy my age, who talks to me normally

because you think I'm a teacher.
And what am I supposed to say?

That I'm part of the over 40 cohort?

That I've flunked my second year
of English Literature three times?

Of course not.

I'm going to say, I teach here too

and that's where things got messy and...

You flunked three times?

Plus, I work.

And between my job and college,
I can't do miracles.

Classes, exams, the assignments
you make us do...

So why don't you just quit?
Studies I mean, not work.

Because I've started
and I intend to finish.

I don't like leaving things half-done.

So, are you not angry?

You seem very understanding
after me talking your ear off.

No...

It's just that everything you're saying...

What?

I understand where you're coming from.

Wow, Pablo, How are things?
It's been a while.

Hello.

What? Interested in
resuming your lessons?

Come on, you're nearly there.

A few road lessons and exam,
you'll ace it for sure.

When's the next available slot
with Lorenzo?

It's going to be tricky with him,
I can slot you in with Rosa,

who's a great instructor and patient.

I'd like with Lorenzo.

Lorenzo isn't doing well.
He seems demotivated.

He's not taking on many lessons.
He's gone back to driving taxis.

He hardly teaches.
He's not coming in this week.

He seems crestfallen.
Coming from Lorenzo.

Crestfallen? Lorenzo?

And quiet. I mean, it's not like
he's totally silent, he talks.

But he talks like everybody else now.

Not his usual repartee, you know?

He's like... moody.

Is it because of something I said?

I don't know. What did you say to him?

That I was going to report him
to the Traffic Authority

to have his driving teacher's
license revoked.

Well yeah, that might be it.

Should I sign you up with Rosa, then?

Sorry, sir, you'll have
to take the first taxi in the rank.

Hi, Lorenzo.

Do me a favor and get out of the vehicle.

I'm here to apologize.

If you need a ride,
call a ridesharing company.

Do you know what those are?
They're part of the sharing economy.

Sharing my a*s. Stealing.

"Sharestealing", like my colleague says.

Sharing and stealing, to steal I mean,

in case you don't understand
the word play, huh?

You don't know much, for a teacher.
You know very little.

Elisa said you were
all quiet, she was wrong.

You know me well and know
I can't shut up even underwater.

I won't be silenced

by a middle-aged college professor,

who doesn't know his a*s
from a hole in the ground.

I didn't send any letter to the
DfT, Lorenzo...

I know you didn't send it.

You didn't send it because
your complaint had no leg to stand on.

What was hurtful, and incredibly so,

was when you crossed
that red line, professor.

You know I'm not one
to erect sanitary cords.

In fact I only have one.
And you broke it.

That's why I'm asking...

Wait.

I'm asking you calmly,
not like I did earlier,

forgive me for acting like a jackass,

to please vacate this taxi immediately.

Could you just give me a minute
to explain, please?

Not getting out? Then I will.

Hang on, why do you even need a taxi?

Don't you already have a license?

Hadn't you gone to Cuenca
to get it done the easy way?

It's true,
I should have mentioned Cuenca.

My brother got a real kick out of

seeing one of my students
show up like that.

I can hear his cackling from here,

from the junction of Vara del Rey street
and Ramirez de Prado st.

You want to listen for a second?

And are you wondering
where my excitement has gone?

My excitement for being an educator?

You've let me down beyond words,
professor.

My brother may have knifed me in the back,
but you've betrayed our trust.

I don't have a license, I couldn't do it.

But didn't you go to Cuenca?

No one fails when they take
the test in Cuenca.

Well I did.

That's why I want to get it with you.

No cutting corners, no shenanigans.
Do it and learn how to drive.

Not even in Cuenca, professor?

That's really saying something.

I can't believe you couldn't
get your license with Satur.

Even a chimpanzee

could get a license
at my brother's driving school.

- Nope, not a chimpanzee.
- Why's that?

Because a chimp cannot present any ID.

Good point, professor.

I see you're learning.

So, will you teach me again?

Get in.

I'll take you to the driving school,
the taxi rank is dead today.

The only thing
I'll charge you for is the fair,

because if I drive with the taximeter
turned off, I'll get fined.

The card machine doesn't work, incase

we have to stop at the ATM.

Very well.

No, not new, second hand.

One you don't mind getting
scratched up, beat up...

That's what they say you should do.
To learn with an old car.

But my own.

My dad said he's going
to buy me a new car.

One like his, and big,

like a military vehicle.

But only one condition.

That I drop out of school.

Seriously?

The chat you had with him wasn't
at all as you described, but thanks.

Thank me for what?

For lying to me.

For trying to make me believe
I actually mean something to him.

I'm going to be your teacher
just for this year.

Your dad's going to be your dad
your whole life.

Well at least you got something
out of talking to him...

- Me?
- Yeah.

I think you got something out of it.

What's up, Lopetegui? So, nervous?

- Yeah.
- Just relax.

It doesn't work like that, Lucy.

If you tell someone to relax
all you do is make them more "nervouth".

Passing is overrated, Lopetegui.

You pass and next day you realize that

there isn't a guy
next to you with pedals.

You're all alone in your car,
left to your own devices.

And the other drivers on the road
are a bunch of scumbags.

Myself included, I'm the worst.

You wouldn't want to run into me
merging on a ring road.

Because the slightest
of distractions... and boom!

I find driving relaxing.

Lorenzo was right about one other thing.

Recall that music-obsessed
student of his?

- The one who couldn't drive without music?
- Yeah, that one.

Of course, I can drive just fine
in silence or talking to someone.

But the best is driving with music.

- I love driving like that.
- Then I'm going to put some music on.

"Caution, my driving friend"

- Is this what you listen to?
- Whatever they throw at her.

"The trail is dangerous"

And your mother or your wife awaits

To fall into their embrace of love

Caution, my driving friend

Speed is your enemy

Remember your kids

Who tell you with love

Don't drive fast, dad

Well. The timing is neither good nor bad.

It's not rush hour, nor are the streets
deserted. Neither fish nor fowl.

Don't worry, Lorenzo.
If I fail, I'll take it again

- it's not the end of the world.
- No, professor.

Don't go around thinking
you're going to fail.

Massive error. A rookie mistake.

And you at your age,
that's all history now.

You have to believe you'll pass,
if you don't, you won't.

Think like a winner.

Although I'll tell you something,

if you don't pass
just take it again and it's fine.

Very well then.

Hey, Lopetegui.

Second attempt.

Shall we start with you?

Sure, no problem.