Last Thanksgiving, The (2020)

[bunniefuu]

(logo whooshes)

(woman screams)

(logo whooshing)

(ominous music)

Your daughter is going

to be late for work.

She's a big girl.

She can get herself ready.

Lisa Marie!

Lisa Marie!

Lisa Marie!

(faint music)

Lisa Marie!

Take me, Jesus.

(upbeat rock music)

I'm ready.

Oh, oh, oh

Ah

Ooh

Lisa Marie!

Yes!

Oh, there you are. Aren't you

going to be late for work?

- Please don't look at my work schedule.

- Don't avoid the issue at hand.

You can't seriously expect me

to go to work on Thanksgiving.

[Mom] Oh, yes, I can.

Responsibility is not

something to be taken lightly.

You have a job. You

need to do it.

Then I quit.

Oh, no, you won't.

You can quit if you

go back to college.

We'll have a special

Thanksgiving next week just for you.

How about, tomorrow, we take

you to a restaurant you want?

Chili's?

No, wait, now you're

avoiding the issue.

I don't wanna work when the rest

of my family is coming here.

I never see them.

You hate the rest

of your family.

Please, Lisa Marie. You

have to learn to grow up.

When I was young-

Oh, ew, stop, I'll go.

Who made the deviled eggs?

I did.

They taste iffy.

You evil...

Honey.

Sorry, but she can be

such a b*tch sometimes.

(upbeat rock music)

Home

Ah, ooh

Ah, ooh

I'm a b*tch?

(car engine rumbles)

f*ck them!

Who needs Thanksgiving anyways?

(car engine roars)

(traffic roars)

(old lady screams)

God damn it, Jill!

Not today, mom,

I swear to God.

That Lisa Marie is a

menace to the neighborhood.

[Old Lady] We have to

go back so I can change.

Then we'll be late.

Please!

My way back home

Oh

Ah

(leaves rustling)

(ominous music)

(blender whirring)

Kurt, can you come

and get one of these?

- Don't mind me.

- It just needed a little flavoring.

Do you want a sandwich?

No, I'm saving

room for dinner.

- That's good.

- I'd hope so.

(ominous music)

Try not to make

too much of a mess.

(knocking)

Trip, it's me, Cordelia.

I made lunch.

I wish you wouldn't

wear that for me.

I have such a handsome

little brother.

Okay, I wish you

weren't afraid of me.

I think you're beautiful.

Try and eat something, okay?

(foreboding music)

I have food.

(knocking)

I guess I'll leave it here then.

(footsteps echoing)

(door creaks)

(ghastly moaning)

(flags fluttering)

(foreboding music)

(traffic roars)

You're only 20 minutes late.

That's responsible.

Go watch "The Craft" for

the 50th time, you poser?

Why don't you eat me,

malnourished nympho?

I'll sleep on it, Trudy.

No one gets me.

(slow rock music)

Hey

Oh, my.

God, what a shitty trash heap.

Hey, you okay, friend?

I have spend my entire

Thanksgiving dinner

being here, doing d*ck.

Are you okay?

- I never really liked Thanksgiving.

I was always more of a Halloween

slash Christmas kind of guy.

I'll watch Ghouly's Special and

that'll hold me over til next year.

God, you're a nerd.

But we can make the

best of being here.

I'm going ask out Tyler tonite

and I could use a good wing man.

He's a bit old for you, and

I'm 100% sure Tyler's not g*y.

But he's so gosh darn tall.

Whatever happened to Craig?

Oh, he did that

eyebrow-raised half-smile thing

The Rock does all the time,

but he had no reason

to be that confident.

It was embarrassing.

Life's embarrassing.

Yeah, well, I seem

to get the brunt of it.

Remember in 7th grade

when I crapped myself at

Hailey Weinfeld's bat mitzvah?

Everybody called me

Sharty McTabernackle

for a year and a half.

(indistinct rock music)

There is no way

Jerry's going to be able to

make Thanksgiving dinner.

He always messes everything up.

Why don't you go home?

I can handle things around here.

It's not like I have

anybody waiting for me.

Charlie didn't

come home this year?

He's with his

girlfriend's family,

and we're not quite on

speaking terms right now.

Girl, I'm so sorry.

Well, you don't have to

worry about anything from me.

(both chuckle)

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Now, what kind of

sandwich did you make me?

BLT. You?

BLT.

[Both] You read my mind, jinx!

How cute.

You guys should make out.

Mr. Pearl, I have

to speak to you.

Yes, Trudy?

Goodness, girl, what

happened to your face?

Who's the kumquat?

This kumquat is my father,

and if you're going to smoke,

please do it behind

the restaurant.

You're scaring away

potential customers.

Mr. Pearl, I need to

talk to you for a sec.

Hello, Ms. Marie.

Hey, Mr. Pearl's dad.

That was my father's name.

I'm Mr. Pearl Senior.

Oh, have some candy.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Well, I guess you can go

ahead and have one too.

Please ignore him.

What do you two want?

I can't work here

today, and if you make me,

I will burn this

place to the ground.

Oh, I'd get in on that.

No, no, no, stop, okay?

You two, out of the office.

Staff meeting in 10 minutes.

Do you see what I have

to deal with here?

Eh, they'll be all right.

Listen, you just do

what you think is best.

After all, it's

your business now.

I know, but I should

probably just let them go.

Nobody's going to

come today anyway.

Well, just do what

you think is right.

As for me, I'm going

to get a drink.

(foreboding music)

(car engine roars)

I just wanted to wish

you good luck.

Oh, thanks, Cordie.

Yeah, and be careful.

I don't think I could stand

losing another sister or brother.

No problem, right, Trip?

I think that means right.

Don't come in the front door.

Everything's gonna be ready.

- I can't wait.

(foreboding music)

Are you kidding?

(peaceful music)

Thanks, Tyler.

Hey, Tyler.

(Tyler roars)

(Tyler laughs)

So, Mr. Pearl's going to

call a staff meeting today.

Fun, fun.

Right?

Any chance I can get a drink?

Isn't it a bit early for that?

He's drinking.

It's just a coke.

And you're not 21.

What if I trade you

information?

[Tyler] I don't think so.

You can tell me anyways though.

So, Eddie's going

to ask you out.

He's a bit young for me.

And I'm not g*y.

You don't need

to tell me that.

Oh, I did have to, didn't I?

Gee, thanks.

Well, I'd be nicer if you

had ever answered my calls.

- Well, bye, then.

- I think I'll be okay.

I'm with Buddy now, so I

see him like every day.

Look, just let Eddie

down easy, okay?

He's like the

nicest person here.

You can be nice sometimes.

Fat chance.

Lick my cl*t, you

psychotic c**t!

I don't know. I try to be.

Well, I won't have

to let anybody down.

I'll just deflect.

Deflect.

Yeah, now scram.

Good talk.

Hi, Eddie.

Oh, hey, Tyler, what's up?

Nothing much, and you?

There's something

I've been meaning to ask you.

That's perfect, because I

have to tell you something too.

Really?

So, I've never told

anyone this before,

and I really need to

get it off my chest.

Yeah.

You're like the nicest person

here, so I feel I can trust you.

- Yeah, of course, sure.

- Okay.

I'm a little bit...

Psychic.

What?

It's just something I've

always had to live with.

So, like, you can

see the future?

Sometimes.

In flashes.

(Eddie chuckles)

Okay, can you prove it?

Maybe.

Let me think.

(ominous music)

(peaceful rock music)

I think Mr. Pearl is

about to call a meeting.

Well, that, okay.

Anyways, I thought I'd

just go ahead and ask you-

[Mr. Pearl] Can I get

everyone here for a meeting?

- Duty calls.

- Psychic?

I got you all out here

because I wanted to apologize.

I thought we'd have

better business today.

So are you going

to let us go home?

Oh, good, then I can

fix my husband's dinner.

Unless you need us here.

I thought right now would be

a good time to tidy

everything up, and...

You guys are like a

second family to me.

I know that we don't

always get the chance

to all spend time together,

so I thought we could

do a group photo.

It is Thanksgiving,

after all, so...

Oh.

(indistinct rock music)

(camera clicks)

Perfect.

So, if no other paying

customers come through the door,

then you can all go

after we tidy up.

- Fantastic!

- Oh, thank God.

[Chef] I can see

my grandchildren.

Oh, hello?

Are you open?

[Both] f*ck!

(foreboding music)

(knocking)

Hey there, you awake?

It's Thanksgiving,

so I just wanted to say

happy one year anniversary.

You never know how these

things are going to go,

so I wanted to say thank

you for being here for me

when they're gone.

You're a really great listener,

but there's nothing

else you can do.

It's funny.

I've been missing the way

things used to be a lot lately.

I mean, we used to only k*ll

a couple of people a year,

because pretty much everybody

celebrated Thanksgiving,

but now people just don't care,

and it's getting

really repetitious,

and our plan's been

done to death.

Maggie knocks on the door,

says that her van's

broken down up the road,

and needs a phone.

Eventually, there's a chase.

Trip shows up, and

what happens happens.

(blood splatters)

(woman screams)

One or two things may

go off the rails,

and she might turn

the tables on us

or the boyfriend will show up,

but that just means we

have leftovers 'til Monday.

(kitchen wrap rustling)

(ominous music)

But they always win.

(man screams)

(flesh ripping)

(man groaning)

(woman sobbing)

(blood splattering)

k*lling people's so fun.

I mean, there's nothing better,

especially when we're quick

enough to get off a good line.

Do you smoke, Carol?

You will in a second.

(Carol sobs)

I just...

I wish we were seeing

some progress.

(match crackles)

(ominous music)

(fire booms)

(chef screams)

What did I just do?

Your equilibrium's

all outta wack.

We're having to work

here on Thanksgiving.

Mrs. Kim, Ms. Perez, is

there anything I can help with?

Aren't you supposed to

be working the counter?

I figured I'd come back here

and see if you guys

needed any help.

[Both] Aw.

Hello?

(door clicks)

Are you guys open?

Yeah.

Uh, the entrance is on the

other side of the building.

Yeah, I'm actually

looking for a job.

Oh, well, then the manager's

office is right over there.

Thanks.

Nice meeting you all.

Weird day to go job hunting.

Not in this economy.

Nice picture.

(door knocking)

Come in.

I hope this is a good time.

What's happening?

I need a job.

And you're asking today?

My family ate

here a few weeks ago,

and mentioned about you

being open on Thanksgiving.

Yeah, business is

business, right?

Right.

Mr. Pearl, Trudy can cover

my tables, so can I please go?

Lisa Marie, just the

person I was looking for.

This man...

Kurt, Kurt is

interested in a job,

and he needs to shadow someone,

so could you take him

to one of your tables

and show him how it's done?

But Mr. Pearl, I-

Want to take out the trash?

- No.

- Yes.

God damn it!

Come on.

- Thank you, sir.

- No problem.

Can I leave after I

take out the trash?

Whatever turns your boat on.

Whatever floats your boat?

Oh my God.

(indistinct rock music)

Hi, your order's almost ready.

How are you doing?

- Fine.

I was thinking of

changing my order

from the turkey to a salad.

But your turkey's

almost ready.

The cooks would crucify me.

But I'm a vegetarian.

Well, then why would you...

Trudy.

Mr. Pearl told me to

take out the trash.

She's your customer now.

Oh, oh, and this is Kurt.

He's going to be shadowing you.

(indistinct rock music)

- Hi, I'm Kurt.

- Calm down.

Where's the rest of your party?

I'm alone.

(Trudy chuckles)

What do you need?

(traffic distantly roaring)

You know what's really funny?

Whenever I'm working,

I'm counting down the

minutes until I get a break,

but whenever I get a

break, I get bored,

and I count down the seconds

until I can work again.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Are you going home?

[Lisa Marie] God damn it!

She's going to

see her boyfriend.

That's it.

I'm going to go see Buddy.

(ominous music)

The salad?

I'm sorry.

She changed her mind.

But we just

finished the turkey.

I don't know what

else to tell you.

You want this?

No thanks, I have

a big dinner later.

(phone buzzes)

Excuse me.

Yeah?

How far are you?

(ominous music)

We're on our way now.

You can knock off one

or two without us,

as long as you keep things

quiet and save some for dinner.

Yeah, I can do that.

All right, see you soon.

So who was that?

My ride.

I should be leaving soon.

(foreboding music)

Kurt, do you need

an application?

Actually...

Actually, I'm gonna

need to sleep on it.

Well, that's fine.

Do you want anything

before you go?

We can cook you up

something in the kitchen.

Hm, I'm more in the

mood for seafood.

What?

A whisk.

What are you gonna

do with a whisk?

Well...

(tense music)

(Mr. Pearl groaning)

Here it comes.

Here comes the choo-choo!

(Mr. Pearl screaming)

(flesh splattering)

(Ms. Perez sighs)

(Mr. Pearl screaming)

(flesh splattering)

See food, get it?

(Kurt chuckles)

(somber music)

I'm all done here.

Good, we can finally

clock out and go home.

Mr. Pearl was hoping

one of you ladies

would show me

around the walk-in?

Fine, I guess I'll do it.

Excellent.

(foreboding music)

Buddy?

- Hey, girl.

- Hey, Buddy.

What are you doing spending

your Thanksgiving here with me?

I wanted to see you.

Oh, well, that's so sweet.

The darker the berry,

the sweeter the juice.

You're not black.

Is that what that means?

(upbeat rock music)

Oh, what?

I wanna hear some MJ.

I was going to play

some Thanksgiving music.

Okay, like...

I can't think of any

Thanksgiving songs.

I know. The only one that

I can remember is

"Over The River & Through The Woods".

- "Over The River & Through The Woods"?

Like, over the river and through

the woods, to grandmother's...

That's a Christmas song.

- It's definitely a Thanksgiving song.

- No, it isn't!

- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't!

Shut up!

The only reason there

are no Thanksgiving songs

is because no one wants to

write one about an

outdated, hypocritical,

appropriation fest.

Geez Louise.

Cool it, Trudy.

I'll cool it when the

turkey's off the oven.

White men just love patting

themselves on the back

because they shared a

meal with a minority

whilst ignoring the r*pe

and m*rder that follows.

Oh, it's so nice seeing

someone so sensitive

to the plight of minorities.

f*cking white men.

They'll paint portraits

of themselves

giving food to the hungry

and charity to the needy.

All they do is take!

God damn Indian givers!

Nevermind.

Oh, wow.

(foreboding music)

Here's the washer.

Back here, we have

the frozen meats.

We have bacons and ground beefs.

Now, the artichokes,

they're not over here,

because somebody told me

artichoke hearts are vegetables.

Could have fooled me.

I'll try to remember that.

Now, over here, we have some

mushrooms, some black olives,

some bacon bits for

the mashed potatoes.

- Hey, Mrs. Kim.

- Kimberly! (Knife clatters)

The young people

are playing music,

and I want to show them how

you and I looked in the 80s.

Woo!

Sorry, I'm gonna have to

show you around later.

Can put on some Chuck Berry?

- I love Chuck Berry!

[Mrs. Kim] Girl, you

know I know you do!

[Ms. Perez] Let's go.

Jesus.

(gentle synth music)

Wait, wait.

Can we rain check 'til

after I get off work?

Nobody else is here.

My manager could

always come back.

I'd get in really big trouble

if he knew someone

else was in here.

Fine.

So, what do you wanna do?

Well, I have to set up

"Santa Claus Conquers The

Martians" on the projector,

you know, maybe now's a good

time to run through my new script.

Buddy.

It's a prequel to

"I Heart Huckabees."

It's called "I Hate Applebee's."

That's a bad joke, Buddy.

Is it really a bad joke if

it made the Lisa Marie smile?

(Lisa Marie chuckles)

"Santa Claus

Conquers The Martians"

isn't much of a

Thanksgiving movie.

Yeah, but we're starting

a Christmas series tonight.

I mean, can you think of any

really good Thanksgiving movies?

"Adam's Family Values"?

Okay, yeah, but that

costs money to show.

So, anyway, so, my movie

idea, it's kind of like

a future "She's All That" meets

"Sleepaway Camp," and I was-

Oh, you have like

a real movie idea.

Well, yeah.

Anyway, I was thinking we'd get

Gary Busey and Demi

Moore to star.

How are you gonna

get Demi Moore?

Well, it'll be later in my

career when I have some clout.

Good luck with that.

You know, Lisa Marie,

a little bit of support

might go a long way here.

Maybe drop the mean

act once in a while.

Mean act?

Yeah, you can't always

be that big of a b*tch

without a little bit

of effort, right?

Gee, thanks.

sh*t.

(traffic roaring)

Hey, Dad?

Can you pick me up?

No, no, no, Dad, they

didn't close the restaurant.

No, Dad.

Dad!

(upbeat disco music)

Now I know you're

gone for good

If I only could

have you back

Right next to me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

If you will look for

me, I will look for you

If you come back for me,

I will come back for you

If you will look for

me, I will look for you

If you come back for me,

I will come back for you

(upbeat disco music)

[Lisa Marie] Mr. Pearl's dad?

You don't wanna dance

with an old cr*pple.

Of course I do.

Then let's go.

(upbeat disco music)

You look like you

could use a smoke.

No kidding.

(traffic distantly roaring)

You know, these things will

really cut into your life.

The sooner I die,

the sooner I will stop

wanting to k*ll myself.

God damn Lisa Marie.

Hold this.

- Sure.

(traffic distantly roaring)

I swear, I do too much.

I bet you do, I bet you do.

- Say, you wanna see a trick?

- No.

Come on, something

you've never done before.

You've shotgunned

a smoke, right?

Since like the fifth grade.

Well, this is similar.

Better, even.

Close your eyes.

You aren't going to prank me, are you?

- Never.

Thank you. I hate when

people laugh at me.

You're welcome.

(ominous music)

Open your mouth.

Now breathe in.

(Trudy sighs)

(tense music)

(cigarette sizzles)

(Trudy coughing)

(Trudy sobbing)

[Trudy] Help!

(Trudy screams)

(flesh rips)

(ominous music)

How was the sister?

Crispy. I did a

whole smoking thing.

I just did a smoking thing

too, and the manager inside,

I got him in the eye, did

this whole seafood bit.

Great stuff.

(foreboding music)

You got the jammers, right?

f*ck.

(upbeat dance music)

She says

Hey, hey, hey,

whatcha gonna say

When it doesn't

matter what you do

And I say, oh, oh,

oh, all I really know

All I really know

Is I only wanna be

with you, be with you

Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

She lives her life so free

Sometimes, it seems to me

Like she's the star

of an indie movie

Who is this?

Oh, this is my sister, Maggie.

Well, Maggie,

nice to meet you.

Are you leaving?

[Kurt] Soon.

Mrs. Kim, is it?

Yes, it is.

Why aren't you with your family?

Well, I guess I

lost track of time.

[Maggie] I'm sorry, for what?

Mrs. Kim?

(Kurt grunts)

(blood splatters)

Hey, hey, hey,

whatcha gonna say

Everybody wants

to bring you down

And I say, oh, oh, oh

[Ms. Perez] Stop!

All I really know is that

it's better when you're around

Do what you like

- Where are you going?

I have to carve my turkey.

Nothing quite gets the

job done like a knife.

Slow.

It's gonna be all right

And classy.

(tense music)

And she says

- Oh, no!

- Someone help me, god damn it!

(foreboding music)

(customer screaming)

Oh, damn it, help me, ah!

I'm here!

- Hold it shut!

- I am!

(customer grunts)

What the f*ck's happening?

(sign buzzing)

(foreboding music)

They blocked the door.

They can't get out.

If they do, Trip's ready.

Watch the front door,

and I'm gonna do a sweep.

Starting with the

handicapped guy.

He's not going anywhere.

He can listen to

his friends die.

Let's k*ll the stragglers.

(Lisa Marie quietly sobs)

(faint rock music)

Oh, come on, come on, please!

Hello?

Hello?

No feet.

Tyler, I don't know

if you're doing

number one or number two.

Whatever you're doing,

you're doing it wrong.

Now, let's see what's behind

the lucky door number one.

Door number two.

And for $1,500, let's see

what's behind door number-

(Tyler grunts)

f*ck!

Open the door!

There's nobody

behind me, hurry up!

(faint rock music)

Why didn't you stop him?

I can't let the other two out.

Where is she?

[Maggie] They're

in here somewhere.

So, who do we have left?

(ominous music)

You're not in here,

are you, Lisa Marie?

Pick a name, by the way.

She's already in the kitchen.

Oh, is she?

Leave these kids alone.

You don't scare me, scumbag.

I k*lled my share of

men for this country,

so k*lling you two dip shits

for this restaurant

is going to be grass.

Okay, meals on wheels.

Mow me down.

(tense music)

(Kurt groans)

Not good at playing

fair, are ya?

Neither am I.

(Kurt grunts)

(Maggie groans)

(Mr. Pearl Senior grunting)

(Kurt grunts)

(tense music)

(Lisa Marie screams)

Let me the f*ck in!

Open it, open it, open it!

You f*cking c**t!

Let me the f*ck in! Open it!

(Lisa Marie sobbing)

Of course, the one time I

decide to leave the house,

I walk into "The Most

Dangerous Game,"

and I don't even get

to be Fay Wray.

Sorry, what's your name again?

It's Paula.

Well, that's pretty.

You don't ever leave

your house, Paula?

I don't really

have a reason to.

I go get groceries and

I go to the bank.

(knife clanking)

Oh, you're slicing that

tomato all wrong, honey.

Hold up, come back here.

Don't break now.

We all have to be strong.

Hello?

I heard you, I just-

What?

Mr. Pearl's dad, I...

(solemn music)

When I was a kid, my

grandpa got really sick,

and I was alone with

him when he died,

and he started

shaking and gasping,

and he just reached his

hand out to touch me,

but I couldn't hold it...

Because he wasn't

my grandpa anymore.

He lost all this weight

and his skin was all gray,

and he just looked like a

skeleton wrapped in loose skin,

and I loved him so much.

And I abandoned him.

And this nice old man

outside just died,

trying to save my life,

and I didn't do anything,

and I really didn't think I was

gonna ever feel this way again.

I'm sorry about all that,

but I need you to move

past all this right now

because we need you.

You don't need me.

All I'm good at is

being a nasty b*tch.

Don't you ever

call yourself that.

Being strong doesn't

make you that.

I'm so awful to everybody.

Maybe you have all this energy

and you haven't found

a good outlet for it,

and maybe you're a fighter.

You've just never had

anything to fight.

(Lisa Marie laughs)

That's really cheesy.

It was, wasn't it?

But it's true though.

You have a fire.

You can do anything.

(car engine rumbles)

[Tyler] Everybody!

- Are you gonna be all right?

- Don't worry about me.

Out the kitchen door, quick!

We can go out the front

while he's in the back lot.

(tense music)

(group screams)

- Back, back, back, back!

(foreboding music)

(group screams)

Go, go, go, go, go!

(Eddie groaning)

Please don't leave

me like this!

I won't.

Try to stop moving!

(ominous music)

(Kurt shouts)

(Lisa Marie screams)

(Lisa Marie grunting)

No!

How long can you

hold your breath?

(Lisa Marie sobs)

(tense music)

Don't you touch him!

(Paula grunts)

(Eddie coughs)

(Paula groaning)

(blood splatters)

(Paula screams)

(Lisa Marie groaning)

(Lisa Marie grunts)

(foreboding music)

(Paula groaning)

(metal door slams)

(machine whirring)

(ominous music)

[Eddie] We need to go!

- No!

- We need to go!

We'll call back for

help, I promise!

(foreboding music)

[Eddie] Over here!

(car beeps)

(car engine rumbles)

(Kurt sighs)

How fun, a chase.

(car engine rumbles)

Woo!

(car engine roars)

(foreboding music)

(Lisa Marie panting)

(Lisa Marie sobs)

God, she looks like

she's in trouble.

Ugh, it's Lisa Marie.

Oh, gross.

(both laugh)

(both laughing)

(car whooshes)

m*therf*ckers!

(ominous music)

Oh, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck,

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

[Tyler] Calm down, Eddie!

- How is there no f*cking signal?

Whatever you need

to do to calm down,

I'm gonna need you to do it.

(upbeat rock music)

(traffic distantly roaring)

[Movie Character]

Why did you run away?

I don't know.

[Lisa Marie] Buddy!

[Child] Uh-oh!

(tense music)

Buddy?

(polar bear growling)

[Child] What's that?

Buddy, Buddy, Buddy!

(polar bear growling)

(dramatic music)

Buddy!

[Child] It's okay,

Benny, I'll go take a look.

(foreboding music)

[Little Kid] I see it!

I see Santa's rooftop!

- Buddy, Buddy, Buddy!

[Child] Where?

(tense music)

(Buddy groans)

Where?

(blood splatters)

- Buddy!

[Child] The lights are moving!

(dramatic music)

They're coming closer!

Benny, that's not Santa's house.

[Benny] Well, what is it?

[Child] I don't know.

(traffic distantly roaring)

(solemn music)

(indistinct rock music)

So I guess you're

not psychic, huh?

What?

You said you were psychic,

I feel like you would have said

something about our coworkers

being m*rder*d today.

I'm...

I'm sorry.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

(foreboding music)

Oh no.

[Tyler] What is it?

He's coming.

Follow me!

(dramatic music)

(wind howling)

(footsteps clattering)

(tense music)

(Lisa Marie screaming)

(foreboding music)

Hey, boys.

Nice night for a drive, huh?

Leave us alone!

Think fast.

(Tyler screams)

- [Tyler] What the f*ck is that?

- Oh my God!

(gas whooshing)

(ominous music)

(faint rock music)

Tyler, Tyler, wake up!

Hi, Eddie.

(car door rattles)

Hey, where are you going?

That's right, sleep.

I'm taking you to

your new home now.

Night night, buttercup.

(ominous music)

You're awake.

Welcome to our

Thanksgiving celebration.

Where's Tyler?

Well, he got loose and

thinks he can escape.

Trip's not gonna

let that happen.

Anyways, it goes

without saying that

none of you will ever be

seeing your families again,

so we're going to give

you one last opportunity

to tell them how thankful

you are for them.

This is all because

we weren't with our

families on Thanksgiving?

(Lisa Marie chuckles)

You mean you're going

to let us call out?

Don't mistake this for trust.

Giving a thanks is a tradition.

And if any of you say

that you're in trouble

or start a text, my brother

will sh**t you in the heart.

(ominous music)

You first.

I have no one to call.

You better think

of someone quick.

And not the police.

Remember that?

I think we handled

that pretty well.

(somber music)

Charlie, it's your mom.

If you're there, please

answer the phone.

I'm sorry things got out of

hand, but I need you to answer.

I love you.

I love you so much and

I need you to answer.

I just need to hear your

voice one last time.

Ah!

(hammer bangs)

(Eddie whimpers)

That sounded awfully close

to an, "I'm in trouble."

Please, don't try anything.

(ominous music)

(wolf howls)

(eerie music)

(people screaming)

(man cackling)

(thunder rumbling)

Welcome back to our Thanksgiving

night's Spookapalooza, ghouly fans!

For those of you

just now joining us,

we couldn't find a

Thanksgiving Day horror movie,

so we're showing "Friday

The 13th" again.

(Ghouly cackles)

I hate this. Where is she?

She does this every

other time we get into it.

She'll be back in a day or two.

(phone ringing)

Lisa Marie, thank goodness.

Where are you?

Well, that's all right.

Just let us know next time.

Well, I love you too, honey.

Are you sure you're all right?

(dog whimpers)

You're not usually

so complimentary.

Very funny, just-

(hammer bangs)

(Lisa Marie sobs)

She just hung up on me.

Last one.

You're up, Lacey.

(ominous music)

(Eddie panting)

Dad, I...

(Eddie whimpers)

Idiot.

(hammer bangs)

(Eddie whimpers)

(blade whooshes)

(Ms. Perez screams)

(Lisa Marie gasping)

(Eddie groaning)

(foreboding music)

Kurt, can you get Ms.

Perez set up at the table?

Me and, uh, Lisa Marie, is it?

Yes.

How would you like to do

some Thanksgiving Day cooking?

(ominous music)

Cutting it a little close

for dinner, aren't you?

We don't need a

lot of prep time.

The key is separating

the pieces beforehand.

(ominous music)

Mm, good gravy.

Is your sister's body mixed

in with the rest of the parts?

No, Trip is outside,

burying her.

Family isn't food.

Wanna throw some of that

compassion over here?

I'm sorry if you don't

agree with our diet,

but tradition's tradition.

When did eating people

become a Thanksgiving tradition?

A good long while ago.

At this point, there's

nothing more American.

(ominous music)

(ax whooshes)

(tense music)

(Tyler shouts)

(blood splatters)

(intense music)

(Tyler groaning)

(Tyler screams)

Well, the table's all set,

and the guests are ready.

Good. Tell Trip that dinner

will be ready in an hour.

Sure, just one more thing.

Yeah, after last year, I think

we should give the g*n up.

Too much power, you know?

This group is a feisty bunch.

You sure? I can hold it.

I'm sure.

Have fun.

- Thanks.

Are you two f*cking?

Gross.

I mean, he is yummy

though, isn't he?

That's disgusting.

Oh, wow.

I think I have something

you might like the taste of.

A Thanksgiving turkey.

(ominous music)

Have you ever seen

anything so beautiful?

Buddy?

But this turkey's not

gonna fit in the oven as-is.

(electric knife whirring)

No, no, wait, please!

Let's begin.

Please, please, wait,

wait, please, no!

No, stop!

Buddy!

(Lisa Marie sobs)

Well, let's cut up the rest.

(electric knife whirring)

(blood splatters)

(foreboding music)

All right, everybody.

(thunder rumbling)

Turkey's ready.

I already ate.

Get him off the table!

Every year.

How can you possibly

expect us to eat our friend?

If you don't, we

can move right along

to picking the

closet or the pit.

(thunder rumbling)

The pit, what's the pit?

The gravy pit.

[Ms. Perez]

What's a gravy pit?

(steam hisses)

Uh, a pit of gravy.

Well, it's not actually gravy.

It just starts to look like

gravy after it sits for a while.

This is all very excessive.

Why don't you just have a

normal f*cking Thanksgiving?

We are.

No, you're not.

You're k*lling and

eating people.

It's evil.

We're not evil.

We don't do this for ourselves.

We do it for her.

[Cordelia] To

honor her memory.

Who is?

An old relative.

Abigail Brimstone,

one of the passengers

on the Mayflower

and coordinators of

the first Thanksgiving.

In 1620, the Mayflower

landed on American soil,

and the pilgrims

settled in Plymouth.

During the first winter,

half of them died.

The remaining pilgrims

sold their souls,

praying for a miracle.

In the spring,

the savages came,

and taught the pilgrims

primitive harvesting techniques.

Their bounty flourished,

and in late November,

the pilgrims had a

celebration, a three-day feast.

The first Thanksgiving.

So, today is very

important to us.

What does that have to

do with eating people?

Our Abigail organized

the whole thing,

and even did most

of the cooking.

[Kurt] And the Indians

arrived uninvited.

They brought a couple of deer,

but it wasn't nearly

enough to feed everybody,

not for three days.

[Cordelia] So,

Abigail got creative.

[Kurt] She offed a

few of the Indians,

served them as a main course,

and nobody was any the wiser,

because people taste

just like venin.

[Cordelia] In the following

years, she continued the tradition,

and as her family grew, so did

the Thanksgiving day feast.

[Kurt] Year by year.

[Cordelia] One by one.

(saw whirring)

[Kurt] They all

paid the price.

(man and woman screams)

(electricity sizzling)

(blood splattering)

(woman screams)

[Cordelia] And if

they fought us off...

Stop or I'll sh**t her!

[Kurt] Or even

k*lled one of us...

(woman screams)

[Cordelia] We'd still

get them in the end.

(steam hisses)

(g*n bangs)

(blood splatters)

(ominous music)

Whenever we'd find anybody

not showing the proper

respect to our holiday,

we'd make sure they'd celebrate,

whether they liked it or not,

and that's how things

have gone for 400 years.

That did not happen.

Oh, buddy.

Lisa Marie.

(thunder rumbling)

Yes?

What happened to those

ropes on your hand, hm?

You gonna try and hop away

like your little friend Eddie?

Uh.

Well, I guess we can't

trust you either.

(ominous music)

If you k*ll her,

we'll let you out.

(door slams)

No, no, no, please, please!

f*ck.

(Lisa Marie panting)

(guttural groaning)

(tense music)

(Lisa Marie screams)

Oh my God, please, please,

hurry, open the door!

(Lisa Marie gasping)

(monster gutturally groaning)

Please, don't!

(somber music)

(Lisa Marie gasps)

We'll both get out

of here, okay?

Good, good, good.

What did you do with them?

Well, Lisa Marie stopped

screaming, so not a great sign.

And Tyler's all set to make

a new member of the family.

Hopefully, this one

makes it to birth.

I hope it's a girl.

This is insane!

You're going to burn in hell,

and for what, to honor some

crazy dead pilgrim b*tch?

Dead?

(foreboding music)

(fabric ripping)

(Tyler groans)

(ghostly gasping)

(somber music)

(thunder booming)

(blood splatters)

(Ms. Perez sobs)

See, it's not so bad.

Jesus, Trip, manners.

Ooh, looks like somebody

had a good time.

Tyler, what did

they do to you?

Go ahead, Trip.

(somber music)

(liquid sizzling)

Ugh, no!

You know, all in all, I'd say

this year went well.

You ready to go in the closet?

Why not?

Oh.

(suspenseful music)

Wouldn't you like some company?

I'm not going

in there, no, no!

No, ah!

(Tyler groaning)

(Tyler screams)

God damn it.

(creature grunts)

(blood splattering)

k*ll him, k*ll him!

No, no!

(liquid sizzling)

(Tyler groaning)

(tense music)

(flesh squelches)

(flesh squelches)

(Cordelia groans)

(blood splatters)

(Trip grunts)

Don't you dare!

If you take one step closer,

I will k*ll your sister now!

(thunder rumbling)

(ominous music)

(Cordelia gasping)

Oh, no, you don't.

(foreboding music)

(Lisa Marie grunts)

You stupid b*tch!

You...

What, more Thanksgiving

puns, more stupid quips?

b*tch.

No!

(Lisa Marie grunts)

You don't think Tyler or Eddie

or anybody else that

worked in that restaurant

loved their families?

You hypocritical monster!

But you didn't care.

You don't care about

values or family.

What do you care about?

You're no better

than a g*dd*mn Indian.

They're called

Native Americans.

(electric knife whirring)

(blood splattering)

(Cordelia groans)

(tense music)

(Cordelia screaming)

(Lisa Marie screams)

Die, b*tch!

(Lisa Marie screams)

(Tyler groans)

(Tyler screams)

(monster groans)

(Tyler shouting)

(Ms. Perez panting)

(Tyler shouting)

(monster groaning)

(blood splatters)

(ominous music)

Are you guys okay?

This is not a joke.

(distant thumping)

(ominous music)

They're getting away.

(g*n clicks)

- No, they're not.

(suspenseful music)

(g*n bangs)

(Trip groans)

(Abigail coughs)

(tense music)

(g*n clicking)

sh*t, sh*t!

sh*t!

(g*n clatters)

(suspenseful music)

(thunder rumbling)

Oh my God!

No, no!

No, please, no!

(Eddie grunts)

(blood splatters)

You like Thanksgiving?

(ominous music)

Happy f*cking Thanksgiving.

(flesh squelches)

Eddie!

You're alive!

Barely.

(foreboding music)

(Abigail coughs)

So what are we

gonna do with her?

I have an idea.

(Abigail coughs)

(peaceful music)

I called 911.

They should be here any minute.

Good.

I think I need an ambulance.

Me too.

Oh, you definitely do.

(group chuckles)

(peaceful music)

(Abigail wheezing)

(gentle synth music)

(Abigail wheezing)