01x01 - Charlie Big Potatoes

[bunniefuu]

-Still no?

-Still no.

-Hey!

-Listen Teo, was it?

I honestly don't want this to

happen, but it is going to

unless Iris helps me

get into this briefcase

without damaging the contents.

So, do me a favour

and ask her for me.

Monica

please do as he says.

That's not my name.

I am sorry, Teo, I really am.

But he can't be allowed

to have what he wants.

Miss Brook, please don't let them.

That's not my name. And shush now.

No.

Please stop.! Stop! Leave him alone.

She's right. Stop!

How can you not care?

I don't know. I just

-don't!

-That is not true!

Oh, for God's sake, Cameron,

don't be preposterous.

-Miss Brook.

-Calm down, everything is fine.

-Everything is not fine!

-Come on, Iris!

Pull the trigger, or don't,

nothing changes.

Miss Brook!

Infinity minus one, Joy.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, that is such bullshit.

It's just a position she takes.

Even she doesn't believe it.

I can assure you

she very much does.

Please don't sh**t.

Please don't k*ll me.

Miss Brook

She's right, I can't.

You do it.

No!

'Here Comes That Day

'Oh, here comes that day

'Oh, here comes the rain

on your parade

'There's a price to pay

'For a life of insincerity

'And you pretend

'That it doesn't matter

'And that you're not scared

'Oh, here comes that day

'Oh, here comes that rain

on your parade.'

SARDINIA, ITALY

THE DAY BEFORE

This is Two Seconds To Midnight

and I'm Alfie Bird.

Those who have checked out

the conspiracy sphere

will already know we have had

a slue of Iris sightings recently.

Grainy photographs

from all over the world

showing women who might,

just possibly might, be her.

All over the world,

at the same time.

I mean, does that feel like

a disinformation campaign to you?

Almost like someone is trying to

make us look in the wrong places.

And who'd be doing

something like that?

Could it be someone

who don't wanna be found?

Like for instance,

someone in hiding.

We only know one thing for certain.

With the reward now standing

at four million Euros

the real question is

"who's gonna find her first?"

Buongiorno.

Buongiorno.

English?

-Si.

-OK.

Would you mind stepping

back from the edge for me, please?

Why?

All I'm doing is looking at the sea.

What's that in your hand?

Give it to me, please.

Whoa!

-Easy.

-Ugh!

And to your knowledge, has

she done this kind of thing before?

Not that I know of,

but I will talk to her about it.

And, erm, for the paperwork,

you are?

I'm Joy's tutor. Harriet Brook.

And you live here?

No. I'm here Mondays, Wednesdays

and every second Friday.

When will her parents

be back home?

Guardians.

They're expected this evening.

Paris. Wedding anniversary.

Nice.

I'm sure they'll be in contact

immediately, when they return.

I don't want to be rude,

but I really do feel

I should be attending to Joy.

Here are my details

if you need them.

Thank you so much.

So, I suppose you were

hoping to get their attention.

No.

I wasn't doing anything.

-Good. Cos it wouldn't have worked.

-I was just looking at the sea.

Why not?

Because they

don't like you very much.

-That's not

-What?

-a thing you can say.

-I don't see why not?

And, anyway,

the funny thing about trying

to erase yourself from existence,

is

it can't be done.

-That's definitely not true, is it?

-Oh, it definitely is.

-Sylvia Plath. That other woman.

-Yes.

But the thing is,

the universe is infinite

and in an infinite space containing

a finite number of particles,

any possible arrangement

of those particles

must occur infinitely often.

Which means that there

are infinitely many you's out there

and infinitely many me's.

Right.

So?

So

if I were to slice open my carotid

artery right here and now

that would end

this particular reality for me.

-Stop now!

-But it doesn't matter.

Because infinity minus one

is still infinity.

Which means all those

infinite versions of me

would never experience that death.

So, I don't die. Because I can't.

The maths say so.

There is no m*rder, Joy,

and there is no suicide.

The mathematics say

you have to exist.

So, the trick is to embrace

that existence

and enjoy yourself.

There, now.

Who says maths can't be fun?

The parcel arrived a month ago

Was picked up

a certain Myrna Loy.

-Probably not her real name.

-Probably not

Did she give an address?

No.

The parcel was

meant to be picked up.

It's Monica.

Hi.

ROME, ITALY

sh*t.

sh*t, what?

-sh*t.

-You said it.

They won't get an open coffin.

Looks like death

was caused by an accident. Damn it.

We'll be running out of body bags

before we run out of assholes.

Morning boss, how's the head?

As if it's been kicked by a donkey.

What do we have here?

Two traitors, tied up with wire.

Fingers, nose,

toes and tongue cut off.

You found her.

Where was that taken?

Six weeks ago at

a freight yard in Cagliari.

She picked up a telescope.

You can go, thank you.

-An address?

-Not yet.

There are several options.

A place near

Alghero looks promising.

Bernardo has gone to take a look.

Great.

If we go about it the right way,

it's a shitload of money.

We have to stay here

and solve the Emo case.

You go to Alghero with Bernardo.

You can't be seen.

Take the tourist ferry.

Find Iris Nixon.

Take her and do the deal.

Sell her to anybody

who is interested.

What's on your mind?

Nothing. Why?

I suppose

Why do we have to keep meeting here?

Well,

we could always go to your place.

Yeah.

It's just

I haven't even seen

your apartment.

I feel like I don't know

anything about you.

Well,

there's basically nothing to know.

Well, that's just not true.

Why do you say that?

Have you been sniffing

around my life?

Have you been following me?

Of course not! Jesus, Monica!

You're just very private.

I mean

do you have brothers, sisters?

Have you ever been married before?

-Do you like movies?

-Honestly, who cares?

I do!

God, you need to stop this, Teo,

you really do.

Why?

Because whoever you think I am,

I'm not.

I wish I was, sometimes, but

I'm just not.

Well, you know,

everyone is hiding something.

Right?

The truth is,

we don't know much about her.

Just that she was nobody much

from nowhere much.

A woman with a brain

the size of a planet.

Just drifting from

low-paid job to low-paid job

without ever being noticed.

And that she was addicted

to solving puzzles.

Quizzes. Cryptic crosswords.

Ciphers. Sudoku. Escape rooms.

Until

"Well, she followed a mysterious

online treasure hunt to Florence."

And disappeared

Completely vanished.

TWO YEARS EARLIER

Iris?

Iris, is it?

Welcome!

I'm Cameron.

Do you want a seat?

Thank you.

I know who you are.

I read, er, Wired Magazine.

Well, actually, I don't,

but I know who you are.

-Do you know what I do?

-Not really. Well

I mean, sort of. You're, basically,

like a venture capitalist,

kind of thing.

I'm an investor.

A private investor.

I don't want to be rude,

but isn't that just a nicer

way of saying "venture capitalist?"

No.

Er, it's a grown-up way of saying

"I'm excited by big ideas".

-And money, presumably.

-No, money's not the point.

Money's a by-product that enables me

to keep doing what I love.

Which is what?

Helping brilliant people

do brilliant things.

Speaking of which, congratulations

on winning this treasure hunt thing,

-which you just did, obviously.

-Thank you.

And by a long way.

Days, actually.

Do you have any idea

how many people took part?

-Nope.

-Guess.

-Twelve.

-17 thousand!

Give or take.

And that includes teams

from Oxford and Stanford,

crypto-security freaks,

obsessives, hobbyists, nut jobs.

But here you are.

So

Yes?

Do I win something?

-Like what?

-I don't know.

A chocolate factory?

Where's it come from,

this aptitude with puzzles?

I don't know.

I never gave it much thought.

Ah, I'm not sure

I believe you there, Iris.

It seems to me you probably give

everything a lot of thought.

Fine.

-Give me a number.

-Between what and what?

-Any number. Just a number.

-1,729.

1,729 is the smallest number

expressible

as the sum of two cubes

in two different ways.

OK.

Wow.

I can't take any credit for it.

It's just how I was born.

Born where and to whom?

Nowhere much, to no-one much.

But I would imagine

that you know this already.

What with all the due diligence.

So, you're a self-made woman.

Who owes her

lack of success to nobody.

You could be out there

earning millions!

Yeah, but to tell the truth

I've never been

all that interested.

But you know this whole

treasure hunt thing

was, essentially, a job interview,

right?

I mean, you must.

I like to recruit outliers.

And what an outlier's outlier

you are!

Listen, erm

I really appreciate the interest,

and everything,

but I'm not the person

you're looking for.

I haven't told you what it is yet,

or what it pays.

It won't matter.

-Jobs and I don't mix.

-Why? You get bored?

Partly.

Is it a compulsion, then,

solving puzzles?

Listen, I'm not a Rubik's Cube,

Cameron. I'm not a crossword puzzle.

-You don't get to solve me.

-No. I'm not trying to solve you.

I'm just trying to get you

to come and work with me.

-Doing what?

-Solving just, er

an incredibly difficult puzzle.

Something no-one's been able to do.

What kind of puzzle?

One that matters.

"Matters" is a relative term.

Some people think jazz matters.

Well, we're talking

Newton-level matters.

Einstein. Oppenheimer.

Fundamental nature

of underlying reality.

"Seeing the face of God" matters.

I'm really not interested.

My God, your pants are so on fire.

OK, look

this is what I think we should do.

Come with me, see it for yourself.

And if it is still a no

well, then, I tried.

SLOVENIA

So, is this your evil lair?

Pretty much. It's called Caliburn.

-Do you actually live here?

-Most of the time,

believe it or not.

It used to be some kind

of government listening station.

The living quarters are upstairs.

They are quite snazzy, actually.

So, what are you hiding down here?

-We call him Charlie Big Potatoes.

-Why?

Well, he's not small potatoes.

It's just a name.

No, it's not that.

You're diminishing it

because it frightens you.

Yeah, he does a bit.

So, what exactly is it?

He's a topological quantum device.

Operating at very close

to room temperature.

What does it use for Qubits?

Majorana zero-mode quasiparticles.

That's a complex configuration

Of electrons that can't suffer

random errors. I know.

Yeah.

And what about those things, the

excrescences?

-They look organic.

-Almost, but no.

He's using non-organic polymers

to create neural pathways.

Capable of creative thought.

It's growing its own brain.

Well, we've all done it.

What's the use case?

To think thoughts

that have yet to be thought.

What's the equivalent

processing power?

Say, two million Qubits.

That's not possible.

Well, like I say, brilliant people

do brilliant things.

He's world-changing.

He is before and after.

He's the wheel.

Not long ago, he came up with a cure

for acute lymphoblastic leukaemia.

We asked him how he felt about it.

What did it say?

He didn't say anything.

He sang.

So, what's wrong with it?

And what's

the puzzle that needs solving?

He's asleep.

And I need you

to wake him up for me.

SARDINIA, PRESEN

When where you planning

on telling us?

About what?

-About the police?

-What police?

The police who drove you home

this morning.

-Who told you that?

-Signora Antonio.

She's a liar.

She's a perfectly nice woman,

actually.

And why would she lie?

Because she doesn't like me?

Has it ever occurred to you

we could just call the police

-and ask them what happened?

-Whatever.

What's the point,

if you don't believe me anyway?

OK. That's enough. Can you

Can you go and do something useful,

please.

She needs to see someone.

Who's left? An exorcist?

This is Two Seconds To Midnight,

and I am Alfie Bird.

Check out the

increased activity on the

Find Iris Nixon crowd funding page.

The last time I looked,

the metre stood

at just under 4.1 million euros.

Someone pledged additional,

wait for it, 200 grand.

Oh, Cameron. Just stop.

It almost makes me wonder

Arghh!

Agh!

Arghh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

-No!

-Are you alone?

Are. You. Alone?!

-Argh!

-Good. Excellent, you are.

Argh!

Agh!

-OK.

-Agh!

Argh!

Do you speak English?

Do. You. Speak. English?

OK.

I'm getting a bit bored here. So, I

think I'm gonna cut off your p*nis.

Ah.

You do speak English, good.

Let's not worry about your p*nis

for the moment.

Let's put your p*nis

on the back burner.

Let's just,

leave your p*nis where it is.

-Agh!

-So, here's the good news.

You found me.

The bad news is:

is that even if

I don't cut your throat,

bleeding and shock is gonna k*ll you.

So, is that how you

want your evening to end?

Good. So how about this?

I'll do something about the bleeding.

And you're gonna tell me

what you're doing here,

who do you work for

and how many of you there are?

How's that sound?

Si.

-Si!

-Va bene.

Hey.

Stay.

Argh!

sh*t.

Ugh!

Vaffanculo!

Three, two

Oi!

SLOVENIA

TWO YEARS EARLIER

And this is Charlie's creator -

Jensen.

Jensen's got a brain

that's off the scale.

Eh, Jensen?

Off the scale.

What happened?

Mani.

Genius is madness on a good day.

Jensen ran out of good days.

He mustn't wake up.

He mustn't wake up.

He gave Charlie everything he had.

And I think he came

to hate him for it.

And he's been like this ever since.

All we need to get the machine up

and running again,

is to enter an activation sequence.

A password, basically.

Well, yes, except it's an extremely

complicated password.

That Jensen enciphered in this.

It's his diary.

Using an encryption system,

that only he understands.

And nobodies being able to break it.

Have they, Jensen?

Not yet!

So, if you can decipher

the password,

we can get Charlie operational

again, and

Bob's your uncle.

So, why all the sneaking

around with treasure hunts?

Why not advertise the job

like a normal human being?

Because nobody can know about this.

Not under any circumstances.

Not ever.

I got carried

away by the possibilities.

I burned through my capital,

over leveraged.

So, I had to go and find the money.

A silent investor.

-What kind of investor?

-Well

you know the sort of investor

where you can borrow

several billion US dollars

in exchange for exclusive access

to a piece of technology

that's gonna make them even richer,

but when you don't deliver,

they basically laugh it off

and chalk it up to experience

and don't m*rder you in terrible,

terrible, unimaginable ways?

Yeah?

That's not the sort of investor

I went to.

I need you to wake Charlie up

for me, Iris.

Or they're gonna k*ll me.

Ugh!

Ugh!

There's no m*rder, there's no

suicide, not mathematically.

There's no m*rder, there's no

suicide, not mathematically.

Urgh!

Ugh!

Urgh!

Don't ask who we are.

All you need to know is,

we've found Iris Nixon's place.

And we want your money.

Do you have Iris?

Not yet.

I want to see the money in escrow.

When she returns,

we'll bring her in.

Let's make this simpler for you.

What we need you to do is find

a book she stole from us.

What kind of book?

If you can find this,

the money's yours.

A disc.

Hey!

Iris Nixon! Stop