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02x06 - Santa's Sleigh

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "I Hate Christmas". Aired: December 7, 2022 – December 7, 2023.*
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Gianna is a nurse from Chioggia who is happily single but determined to avoid the usual questioning about her love life during the holidays, so she devises a plan to find a boyfriend to take home for Christmas.

02x06 - Santa's Sleigh

Post by bunniefuu »

[sweet, upbeat music playing]

[reporter] Hello, friends

of the Italian Weather Centre.

Worse weather in arrival,

with falling temperatures

2 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER

to medium to low altitudes.

- Shall we have lunch together?

- Sorry, not possible.

Ah, okay. Ah, I told the matron

to put both of our shifts as they were.

Good.

- Where are you going?

- I have a conference for two days.

Okay. So you were

going to leave without a word.

I thought that after last night,

things were more or less

beginning to be normal.

[chuckles]

- Gianna.

- Hmm?

I am so in love with you, and I have been

since the first day I saw you.

But I was really hurt.

And I don't want to be anymore.

You told me last night

that you're not scared anymore,

and you're ready

to let someone into your life.

- Yes.

- If that someone is me

if that someone is me

tell me at Christmas dinner when I return.

- All right?

- Yes. All right.

[delicate, dreamy music playing]

Christmas Eve dinner.

[inhales] Sounds superb.

Come on, for once humour me.

I've said it for 22 days now.

Christmas dinners work magic.

And even this year,

my Christmas dinner has a purpose,

as I plan to tell Umberto that I love him.

Yes! Go, Gianna! Go, Gianna!

Go, go, Gia! Gia-Gia! Gia-Gia-Gia-Gia!

Sorry, I got a bit carried away

in my enthusiasm, but

Here we are.

Some simple steps for a road map

that will lead me to the event. Easy.

More or less.

I have hope.

I HATE CHRISTMAS 2

Just in time, the last lobster.

Good morning.

To make it easier for you, I want you

to know that I won't be at your dinner.

Why?

Alessandro and I are

going to the Maldives.

- Ah.

- Another thing we have in common!

What? You hate Christmas?

No. No, no, no. It's people.

- Ah!

- Whereas you have such love for people.

I don't think you have enough time

to buy the last lobster.

- [Pietro] Gianna.

- Dad.

Dad, I'm sorry, I can't right now.

- Excuse me, can I ask

- I need your help, Gianna.

- I'm here about the matron.

- Ah.

Yes. Ever since I got back

with your mother,

she's become somewhat aggressive.

I'm scared.

You have to help me, Gianna.

Sure, okay. I will.

[Paola crying]

He told me that he liked pudding,

and I learnt how to make puddings.

He liked lipstick,

and so I put on some lipstick.

Santa Claus,

I even dressed up as Santa Claus!

By the way, if I may,

I think red really highlights the

I'm really sorry.

My parents are a disaster,

and I know what it's like.

I understand how it feels

to be dumped. It's horrible.

- It's truly sad when you're dumped.

- I know

Gianna, thank you.

I know you need to prepare

for your Christmas dinner.

- It can wait

- No, go on.

[Paola sniffles]

Actually, I quite fancy

some pudding, you know?

- Shall we share, if there's any left?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Perfect.

Okay, let's measure

your blood pressure, then medicine,

then I'm off to my kitchen,

where I'll cook amazing vegetables.

Because it's easy to have a lobster menu,

but a Christmas dinner based on

cauliflower served eight different ways,

it's difficult.

[blood pressure cuff droning]

All right? Hmm?

Fine, thank you.

It's just that, um

I used to read a lot, you know,

but now sometimes the lines blend together

and it makes me feel a little nauseous.

"Blend" meaning that they move

together and over one another.

Yes.

[enchanting music playing]

I'll read for you.

If I may.

No, you have to go

and cook cauliflower, right? So go home.

And miss the opportunity to be corrected

for every mispronunciation? Not happening.

And I'm using "not happening"

in its actual meaning,

as an intensifier of "never",

and not in its erroneous literary meaning

of "sometimes".

Of course.

Can I?

So

[enchanting music continuing]

How lovely.

They met at university when they both took

a physics course in 1975.

[Monica] And you're sure

he wants to see her again?

Well, Professor Arlanch

can't remember anything,

but he remembers her.

I even think finding this photo

in his book means something.

The thing is,

he's letting himself go a bit,

and the only person who seems

to catch his attention is Rosa.

I was sure I put it here.

I put an announcement

on the alumni board of that year,

and these here

are the emails I managed to track.

- Genius.

- Found it! Ah!

Ah yeah, yeah, that hurt.

The reindeer mould.

- Wow.

- I'm going to study at Letizia's.

- [Gianna] Thanks.

- It was nothing.

- And don't stay out too late.

- Yes, Mum.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Did you know that Elio remembers

the exact way in which he met Rosa?

Remembers it all.

What about you?

Do you remember when you met Umberto?

[quirky music playing]

I met him there at at the hospital,

because that's where we we work.

And it was a meeting with all the staff.

- Are you sure?

- At the hospital. I'm super sure.

- Okay.

- And yeah.

[Filippo] Okay. Good.

Anyway, thanks for the reindeer.

I'll send the email and start the cooking.

No. No, no, no.

You're going to stay sitting here

and start eating something.

I'll send the emails

- Ah, no.

- and I'll help you cook tonight.

- No, I really can't.

- No! No, no, no! It's not an option.

You always take care of everyone else.

Let someone take care of you.

[delicate, enchanting music playing]

I bet all the Christmas presents

that it's going to snow.

You're out of luck there,

because Monica and I have promised

we're not doing presents this year.

On Christmas Eve, after the concert,

on a plane and [whistles]

off we go to Santa's hometown.

Ah!

Who knows, maybe the sleigh

will pass by again.

But you always say

the sleigh can't pass by a second time.

I know, I know. I was wrong.

The sleigh can pass by a second time.

Or even three, or four. It depends.

Hmm.

Well, that would be nice, actually.

Come with us.

Don't worry about packing, tickets.

I'll take care of everything.

Just come with us.

Umberto.

Christmas dinner with Umberto, right?

We need to get a move on.

There are less than 24 hours to go.

Yes, exactly, we're running quite late.

Now we need complete and utter focus.

Yeah.

[faint sobbing in distance]

Margherita!

What's happened?

Guido just left me.

I wanted to tell him that

that thanks to therapy, I've realised

I never wanted us

to give up on our marriage.

I even took my notebook with me,

with all the things I miss about him.

But I don't have time to give it to him,

because he left me.

I arrived there, and the divorce papers

were already signed and waiting for me.

Now he'll fall in love

with someone younger than me.

- No.

- Yes. He'll get married.

And when he dies,

he'll want to be buried with her.

But I'm not gonna let him do that.

I'll never sell him

my part of the tomb, ever.

Actually, do you know what I'll do?

I'll die right now

and I'll screw up his plan.

[Filippo] May I?

It's a great plan. Great.

But maybe just one glass of wine

before dying?

Yes, yes. Gladly. Thank you.

[feisty, lively music playing]

Good. Well, I'll be off.

You do have another bottle?

We're gonna be here all night.

- I do.

- You have nothing else on, no?

CAKE

[frantic drumroll]

[cymbals crashing]

Absolutely nothing.

[gentle indie pop playing]

Seasons come and go ♪

It's okay to feel afraid ♪

Everything, my little one ♪

Everything will be okay ♪

Just as long ♪

As you call ♪

Call my name ♪

We'll turn out all right ♪

Just take my hand and hold on tight ♪

And let's dive into the blue

All around ♪

24TH DECEMBER

8 HOURS TO CHRISTMAS DINNER

I just put the notebook

in Guido's mailbox.

That's my right, as her sister.

How is it possible

that Margherita never asked herself

if she still loved her husband?

Well, sometimes the right questions

are the hardest ones.

I remember when they first

got together, they were lovely.

You're so lovely.

Listen, do you do you remember the

I mean, our first ever encounter.

Of course. We were in the corridor

in front of the operating theatre.

I passed by and bumped into you.

You were wearing your green jumper.

I'm getting the three o'clock train.

See you at your Christmas dinner.

It's not It's not my dinner.

It's not my dinner!

Okay. Bye.

SHIPPING OFFICE

[Gianna] I know it's been a year,

it's just that I I

Last Christmas Eve, one of your postmen

delivered some Christmas cards to me,

which were amazing,

and I'd like to know who it was.

I don't know if you maybe have an archive,

somewhere you note down

No?

Let me explain. Basically, I was convinced

that my boyfriend had sent them to me.

But then, when I found out

that it was not him, it just

I'd really like to know

who sent those romantic messages.

- If there was some way to

- Miss, we keep invoices for 60 days.

- Ah

- After, no returns or disputes, sorry.

Listen, I'll leave you my address

in case you find anything out

I live here.

If you find the sender

- Thank you. Goodbye then.

- Goodbye.

[funky, groovy electro-pop playing]

[song halts]

These here are for your father.

I'd like him dead,

but it was nice to have someone

that could still call me Paola.

- It did me good. Yeah.

- It is a lovely name, Paola.

- But you won't call me that anymore.

- Never again.

Now you best get back to work.

You have your Christmas dinner tonight.

I bet you haven't cooked anything.

No. But I have a hair appointment at 4:00.

So not a lot of food,

but lots of elegance.

Well, the important thing is

that I leave here at 3:00.

At 3:00. Thank you.

["Shaboom" by Randi DeMarco playing]

[bold, groovy electro-pop playing]

[no audible dialogue]

Boom, boom, boom, shaboom, boom boom ♪

[no audible dialogue]

Take a sip of that good-good, yeah ♪

Get your groove and get back ♪

[bold beat continuing]

I'm slipping, he's flipping ♪

Sit back, relax and listen ♪

Getting hard to keep talking, talking ♪

Boy, I'm losing my breath ♪

Better stop when you start that groove ♪

Pitter, patter, pop

And the heart go boom ♪

[song halts]

The surgeon operating

is the best there is. It'll be fine.

Yeah, yeah I know.

They'll remove the mass,

but keep the bone. I'm totally sure.

- Aren't your parents or friends here?

- [Stella] No.

No, I don't want to be in there knowing

that they're out here worrying for me.

I don't want that.

I'll wait for you.

Once I finish my rounds.

I'll have a free afternoon.

You sure? You don't have stuff to do?

DECORATIONS WITH MONICA

HAIRDRESSER

Not at all, no.

[gentle, stirring music playing]

Okay. That's really, really good.

[sighs]

[sombre, subdued music playing]

[Davide] Thanks.

[Gianna] I couldn't say no to a coffee

with someone about to leave for Bali.

Even if you need to prepare

Christmas dinner

and you've spent all day at the hospital?

- You know this, why?

- Everyone here knows.

Ah! No, it's just that today,

Stella was having her operation.

I didn't want to leave her on her own.

Anyway, there's Grazia

on the fourth floor,

who has to stay over Christmas,

and her son needed to do his homework,

- so I helped

- So you stayed.

Yes, well

Um, it's my job.

Coffee was an excuse.

I wanted to thank you.

I wouldn't have done this job without you.

Oh? How so?

When we were together,

and you'd wake up and rush here,

you were happy.

And not because you were

saving people with some miracle cure,

but because you were

taking care of them, day after day.

It was a great example.

And that's what I wish for you.

A man who takes care of you,

day after day.

[gentle, tender music playing]

That's the miracle, right?

Thank you.

- Have a good trip.

- Thank you. And good luck.

Are you sure you want a professor

who can't even remember

how to tie his shoes

at your house on Christmas Eve?

- With everything you have to do?

- Yep.

No problem, it's practically ready.

[chuckles] If you say so

There is nothing ready.

You said you'd bring the new tablecloth,

the candles, the holly and the decor.

I know, you're right. Absolutely right.

It's just that the day has been really

I didn't have time. I'm sorry.

- Elio, Come on in.

- Hello.

Hello.

It's just that I have to dash off now.

I have the last rehearsal

for the band concert,

then I'm leaving with my dad.

Yes, of course, go. Thank you. And enjoy.

- The concert will be great.

- I'm sorry.

No, it's my fault. Go on, go!

Go, go, go, go! See you.

Well

Gianna.

Yeah?

- Can you say bye from me to Didi?

- Yes, of course!

Even if we argued,

I still care about her well-being.

And I really hope things

between her and Alessandro work out.

Oh.

Even if I don't understand

why someone as amazing as her

wants to be with someone

who used to make a fool of her.

What do you mean?

Alessandro dumped her back then

because he said it was lame

to sing in the choir.

Did she not tell you?

No, of course she did.

Actually, I No, I'll say bye to her

for you, of course.

- All right. Sorry.

- Go to the concert! Go on!

[eccentric music playing]

You are aware that you are

suffering from an illness, right?

Yes, I know.

I'm going out for a second,

so please don't go anywhere.

Thank you. Thank you. Bye, Elio.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be at home?

Yes, but I wanted to tell you

to give you these.

The band is playing tonight

before mass, in the square,

and Monica's saved you

a place next to her.

Gianna Mmm

To go to the Maldives,

you can just take a flight.

But to put on some antlers

and discordantly perform

to the whole of Chioggia takes guts.

They're lovely.

Think about it.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- What are you doing here?

- She was about to leave.

- Okay. Good.

- Yeah.

[gentle indie pop playing]

Bye.

- Shall we go?

- Yes.

Umberto, I'm on my way.

What'd you say?

Elio!

Elio!

Elio!

- [Gianna] It's my fault.

- I think we should call the police.

He'd already got lost once,

and I left him at home.

And what for?

To try and make things right for Didi.

She didn't even listen to me.

You can't always fix things

for other people, Gianna.

If they're supposed to be fixed,

they fix themselves on their own.

Elio! Elio!

[sighs] Elio!

Thank goodness you're here.

You gave me a fright.

I wanted to buy some flowers

to put on the table for you.

Then I started walking, and

then my legs just brought me here.

That's her door, there.

Who exactly?

Rosa.

I came to pick her up

on my bike every morning.

Did you know that migratory birds

find their way home

by following their instinct?

There, my illness has made me

regress to a state resembling a swallow.

[Gianna, Elio chuckle]

Come on, Elio, let's get back.

- Let's go home.

- [Umberto] Come on.

Let's go.

[wind whistling]

[gentle, tender music playing]

[Elio] Rosa

[gasps]

Elio

[breathes tremulously]

It is you.

So I'm told.

[music swells emotionally]

Do you think we can trust her?

A widow who invites her first love

to dinner with her grandchildren? Please.

- Mmm.

- It'll be fine.

[Gianna] It's incredible

what love can do, hmm?

I mean, we looked for her for days,

and in the end, he found her.

Because his instincts led the way.

He looked at her and he realised

he loved her like before.

Without question.

Just like my sister, in the end.

She realised she wanted to be with Guido.

Or like the matron, who was dumped,

but on the inside she's happy,

because she remembered

that her name is Paola.

Love truly is a miracle.

And I guess if you have to ask yourself

whether you love someone, then

you already know the answer.

So I guess we don't have to wait

for Christmas dinner, right?

[delicate, melancholy music playing]

I guess not.

I'd like to tell you that I hope

you manage to see Santa Claus' sleigh.

But the truth is I hope

I never see you again, Gianna.

[melancholy music continuing]

Whoo!

Come on, otherwise we'll be late.

Quick, quick! Look, it's snowing!

Margherita.

Do you mind waiting for Mummy in the car?

Go on, kids. Go.

Off you go. I'll be with you right away.

If you've come for the divorce papers,

I can tell you that I haven't signed them.

Because it's Christmas, and at Christmas

you sign cards with well wishes, not

[Guido] What does this mean?

Where did you

It's the notebook

from our therapy sessions.

She asked me to write down

all the things I missed.

And this is what I miss.

That day when everything

seemed so possible.

[rueful chuckle]

I miss it too.

But the incredible thing is

that I miss everything else too.

[bright, hopeful music playing]

- I even miss the difficult things.

- Really?

It's not going to be easy.

You know that, don't you?

Yes.

I know.

But if there's one person

I want to die with

that person is you.

["Heartstopper"

by Emilíana Torrini playing]

You said I began ♪

This messy state of love affair ♪

And I drink too much

And smoke too fast ♪

That this city's cleared my innocence ♪

And when it stops, it stops ♪

My heart stopped beating ♪

[bold, festive music playing faintly]

[indistinct chatter in distance]

- [Margherita] Merry Christmas!

- [Giulio] There she is!

[Margherita] We were waiting for you.

- [Giulio] Here she is! She's here!

- [Gianna] What's happened here?

- [Margherita] Hi!

- Hiya!

- Merry Christmas!

- [Giulio] Little sister!

- [Marta] Gianna.

- Hi! Hi, Mum, Dad.

- [Pietro] Hey.

- But, you two Uh

It's the magic of Christmas.

No, no magic.

Your father always exaggerates,

and I just missed him.

And being free and easy can take its toll.

But if you're going to get back together

just to break up over and over again

No, no, Gianna. I missed your mother.

We had to break our marriage

to realise that we wanted to fix it.

Does that make sense?

And anyway, as of next week,

we're going to couples therapy.

- Oh!

- That was a great idea you had.

No. I have nothing to do with therapy. No.

- [laughs] That was my doing!

- There you go.

[whispering] You crazy?

Therapy for those two?

I think our mother will be

extremely pleased with our therapist.

She's so lovely and caring.

Look at who's coming.

Hi.

- How's the nausea? Everything all right?

- Well, I still get it.

But there's also this.

- Oh my God!

- [Giulio] Beautiful, aren't they?

Who else has got

twins that beautiful, hmm?

What have you got there?

Wow.

Gianna, It's all really amazing.

I truly don't know how you did it.

Well, truly, I don't know

who actually prepared this.

- No?

- No! I don't

It's

Well

[sweet, eccentric music playing]

Filippo.

[Filippo] You always

take care of everyone else.

Let someone take care of you.

[doorbell ringing]

- No, no, no!

- Wait!

No! Because of you I have been

surrounded by disasters.

- It's best if you knock on another door.

- I know who sent you the cards last year.

- Oh?

- Um

His name was Davide Trevisan.

I thought it was only fair that you knew.

- Toy Boy?

- Who?

Uh

No, no, it's not possible.

I've been wanting to speak to you.

That's what I wish for you. A man

who takes care of you, day after day.

Thank you! Merry Christmas!

Thank you so much! Thank you!

Sweetheart, where are you going?

It's snowing. All the roads are blocked.

I know.

- I don't need the roads.

- [Pietro] Gianna!

Gianna!

[band playing "Silent Night"]

[singing in Italian] Silent night ♪

Holy night ♪

All is calm, all is bright ♪

[Didi in English] Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry!

Sorry!

Excuse me, I just need to Thank you.

Sorry! Thank you. How kind!

Good evening. Evening.

May I? Hiya.

I'm not here because I like singing.

I'm here because they've closed

the airports.

You're amazing and I love you too.

[belting off-key in Italian]

Silent night ♪

Holy night ♪

[stirring, hopeful music playing]

[in English] Didi!

No, I can't believe it's her.

Filippo!

- Filippo!

- [Filippo] Sorry, honey.

It's me!

Over here!

Down there.

You wanted to see Santa's sleigh

one more time? There you go!

I know, it's not exactly Santa's sleigh!

Clearly, this is not it, but you know

You know what? I don't care, because

you're my sleigh, can't you see?

Because because you're bad

at dancing and you don't care.

- I can dance.

- No, you're really bad. I'm really bad.

But we dance our own way!

And because if I call you at night,

you answer and you'd listen to me

It was 3:00 in the morning.

You see!

You make me eat

even when I don't have any time to eat,

and you put ice on my ankle

when my leg hurts,

and you take care of me.

You do that every day.

And, as a special person

reminded me recently

I think that's the real magic.

["I Hate Xmas" by Marco Guazzone playing]

[singer harmonizing festive notes]

[Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town"

by the Jackson 5 playing]

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

You'd better watch out

You'd better not cry ♪

You'd better not pout

I'm telling you why ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

He's making a list

And checking it twice ♪

Gonna find out who's naughty and nice ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town, oh yeah ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

He sees you when you're sleeping ♪

He knows when you're awake ♪

He knows if you've been bad or good ♪

So be good for goodness sake ♪

Oh, you'd better watch out ♪

You'd better not cry ♪

Better not pout, I'm telling you why ♪

Oh, Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Oh yeah ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Little tin horns and little toy drums ♪

Rooty-toot-toot and rump-a-tum-tums ♪

Curly-haired dolls that tootle and coo ♪

Elephants, boats, and kiddie cars too ♪

Oh, Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Oh yeah ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

One more time now ♪

Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

Oh yeah, Santa Claus is comin' to town ♪

[song trails off]