01x04 - Coffee Shop

[bunniefuu]

Goodnight ladies.

Goodnight, ladies.

Goodnight ladies.

We're going

to leave

you.

Ohh. Perfect. You were a little flat.

What's that? Yes, you were Pitch up,

pitch. Ohh. Ohh. Hi, George. I think

you've got it. OK, let's do it

again. And 1:00 and 2:00. And you

know what to do. Good. Wait,

wait, wait, stop. What is that rap?

It sounds like those girls downstairs

sounds like a real rowdy Dow.

Sounds like they could use our help.

Open up the door. It's us.

Guys, Stacey, what's wrong? I don't want

to be their friend anymore. I don't wanna

be your friend ever again. I hate both of

you. Guys, stop fighting. Stop fighting.

Look, I don't know what you guys are

fighting about or if you're just on the

rag or what, and I don't care. Whatever

the problem is, it's not worth losing a

friendship over. What do you think about

breaking up?Friendship polarity?

Really. Ohh yeah

true. Stuff.

We came perilously close to losing our

friendship once. Oh my God this coffee

is incredible. Irony alert.

It's funny you say that, Jennifer,

because coffee figures prominently into

our tale of woe. It all started

a few months ago.

I'm bored. Me too. I wish we had

some place to hang out. Yeah, and some

place that didn't cost any money or place

we could hang out all day long. Hey,

what about a coffee shop? That's the

ultimate hangs. Ohh, right. Let's go for

it.

It was perfect. We hung out

there all the time.

Don't tell me.

Rich guys, can I get you anything? Ohh,

no thank you. We're fine. Because you've

been sitting here for quite a while. I

know.

What are you doing? I'm making some

cinnamon milk. What's that? Ohh, it's

this free drink I make out of cinnamon

and milk. See, first you pour the milk,

then you add the secret ingredient,

cinnamon. Here.

Want something? Yep. Everything was going

great for us, but then somebody came

along who changed our lives forever. Do

you know if he's looked at my resume

yet?OK.

Thank you.

Hey. Hey,

looking for work? Yeah.

Downsizing is a bench. I know, right?

Yeah. I mean, it's only been a couple of

months, but I just don't feel like a

complete person unless I'm working,

contributing something to society, you

know what I mean? Yeah. Contributing

something. I mean, what am I gonna do?

Hang around in Sainsbury's all day long?

That really hit home for me, you know?

I mean, here I am, almost 21 years

old, and I started thinking to myself,

what have I ever contributed? Nothing. So

then I did something I thought I'd never.

Ever.

Hey, Mike, what's with the get? It looks

like you work here or something. Yeah, I

was kind of hoping to talk to you guys

about that. Took a job here. Why would

you do that? Because I want to contribute

something, Dave, for once in my life.

What are we going to hang out? We're not

going to hang out anymore. Yeah, I

may pull double shifts around here, maybe

save up, buy that boat. What boat? Look

what you just get off my back about the

boat, Dave. Look, there's one

of the thing. I can't have you guys

hanging around here anymore, not buying

nothing all day long. What are you

saying, Michael? I'm seeing you guys. Got

to go. Go on now. Go on.

Get out of here, OK? Don't mean you say

it twice. Please tell me this

is a joke. Excuse me, can I get a

Grande mocha frap? Yes, just a second.

I'm sorry.

Thank God they don't contract coming up.

I can't believe Michael would do that to

us. That don't just r*pe my ****. Well,

now where we supposed to hang out? Ohh,

forget about that stuffed shirt. If we

can't hang out there, you and I, we're

going to build our own coffee shop to

hang out in. Yeah, that'll show. Yeah,

and it'll be even better too. It'll be

the most amazing coffee. Shock this world

has ever seen.

Lamb Stew, everybody.

So after Showalter kicked you out of

Sam's Berries, you went across the street

and set up your own coffee shop? Did we

ever? How did that go, ladies? Take it

from an old barista. Mixing friendship

and business is a poisonous brew. Am I

right right now? Ohh, yes, Michael.

Well. This is our

stop. How's it going anyway?

Awesome, our coffee shops a great place

to hang out.

It's. It's a

lot of work too, not.

And hanging out as much as they used to.

I know what that's like.

I should, I should get going. Yeah. Well,

you, you you have a good one. You too.

OK. OK.

I suck every penny into that old coffee

shop, work my fingers to the bone. And

they could go over now. In the end, I

guess I just didn't have enough help.

Hey, Michael. Hi. Looks like your friends

are natural entrepreneurs. Yeah, they're

regular Donald Trump. A real Donald

Trump's. Are you saying Donald Trump?

Yeah, Mike, we're Elmer Funding it. I

forgot all about funding.

I almost forgot about that outfit I was

wearing. I know it looks so stupid in

that too. I'm glad you brought it up

because I was thinking it. Yeah, so.

Hey, your coffee shop. That's right, best

coffee in town. Where can I get for you

a cup of coffee? Cup of coffee here.

Either you guys into Cajun chicken?

Of coffee coming right up.

So Richard, you working hard or

hardly working?Heard that?

Hey. Hi, can I get a cup of coffee

please? Sure, what size?

Can you give me a SEC?

Yourself on drain Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

David.

I'll just take a smaller.

And.

Little you just take what? Just

take it, all right?

Thank you.

Here you go, one coffee. Ohh. I want a

large. Yeah, well, we're all out of large

coffee. So, David, can I talk to you for

a SEC? Dave, I'm busting my buns trying

to run a business here, and all you're

doing is slacking. Ohh, really? That's

right. And if you'll excuse me, that

chair is for Hang Zone customers only.

Are you saying what I think you're

saying? Yeah, I'm kicking you out. Well,

if that don't beat all, First Mike kicks

us out, and now you're kicking me out.

Prince Machiavelli himself couldn't have

orchestrated a more murderous coup. Well,

I'm going to. Open my own coffee shop and

it's going to be super fun and it's going

to be amazing and you're gonna be sorry.

Lots of luck, we know.

Umm. How about some sugar

for my coffee? How about I'm not your

batch?

Lots of luck, he says. I'll

show him both.

So Showalter worked in one coffee shop,

Black opened another, and then you opened

a third. That's right, I'm getting scurvy

just thinking about it.

It's really cool.

Great place, man. Hey, what can I get

you? A cup of coffee. Coffee coming right

up. Who's next?

I don't need those two.

I remember the low point of our

friendship.

We were sitting right here.

Umm, well, I should get going to the

coffee shop. Yep, got to go to work

right now. Like the old days when all

we did was hang out all the time.

Yeah, that was stupid. I don't miss those

days at all. Well, it's not like they

were all bad. Well, it was some

pretty good times. We did laugh a lot.

Would you guys maybe ever want to

hang out? What what, what did you

say?Are

you gonna say hang owls? Hang wooden owls

on the on the kitchen wall? Oh, oh,

wooden owls on the kitchen. Yeah, we

should do that. That's a great idea.

Well, I have to go to. Yeah, gotta go.



Michael.

Made you poop on the bathroom floor. Ohh

you buddy.

I was miserable.

I was miserable too. There you

go, Richard. 1 cup of coffee.

That'll be $3. Please. No, this

is my 10 cup. It's free.

Ohh. Yeah.

Ohh, and despite great success and

the award of best coffee shop

from every alternative weekly in town,

meet me later if you want

to have sex, I was miserable.

Ah.

Things were so awkward between us.

Finally we couldn't take it anymore.

Ohh, hi.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Well, goodnight, goodnight. Goodnight,

goodnight.

You guys, I can't do this anymore. We

never talk, we never see each other.

We're like strangers in our own home. All

we wanted to do was find a place to hang

out and now we're leading separate

businesses and. We're live. It's been so

long since we've actually talked. How

are you guys? I'm good.

I'm not so good. Tell us all about

it, man, there's so much I have been

dying to say. Well, you guys know about

that coffee shop I opened, right? It

hasn't the point where, like, I don't

even feel like I'm Michael Showalter

anymore, you know? It's like I'm

Sainsbury's corporate employee number



at this. Wow

David that is

great look I'm

Australian. Ohh,

wow, this is this is great. I'm from NSW.

I know there's something out there, but I

don't know if I want to call it God, OK,

because like I I believe in God, right?

But I don't know that I think God is like

some guy on the throne with long white

right right. Like to me, God is like it

could be anything. Ohh, it could be like.

It could be this table, It could be

totally be this is it's like I'm

spiritual, right, But I'm not religious,

right. Do you understand? I totally it's

like I can get off spiritually. I'm just

sunlight through trees.

Stop. Hey, hey, guys. Look

at this. What happened to

my pinky finger? Ohh. That's

so awesome. David. Yes, it's

fine. It's fine. God.

I have missed this,

you know.

Stop.

Scratch, scratch.

Stop,

stop,

stop.

Come in.

Michael, where have you been? I came to

your coffee shop and no one was there.

Richard, you kindly old fool. How I've

missed you. Come in. We've got coffee

brewing here. Michael,

there you are. You're late

for work. Not late. I quit.

Ohh, Why? Well, I realized that sometimes

you've just got to know when it's time

to move on. Come on, have some coffee.

I remember the last time somebody offered

me coffee. Hey,

we're here too. Ohh, come on in, look

me up.

Richard, come here. What's up? I know

you've been looking for a job. How'd you

like to own your very own?Business.

But I wouldn't know the first thing about

Richard. You are the most talented,

creative businessman I have ever met. The

only thing holding you back is, you know,

go get started. You've got a lot of work

to do. I will, Michael, I will. But I

can't do it alone. Need a

good manager to run things. I'm

interested, but Julie, you've got a great

job. I know. But somebody once told

me that sometimes you have to know

when it's time to move on. It

was me. Told you.

I don't know if I'm ready for

this. It's OK, we'll take it slow.

Ohh God.

Ohh God I want you so bad.

So everything worked out for them, huh?

Well, no, I mean, they they went out a

couple of times, but I think things kind

of fizzled out after that. They turned

out they didn't have a lot in common.

I've actually seen her recently. I porked

her. So you see,

we do know about almost losing

a friendship. Wow, what a great

story. Ohh, I'm

sorry. I'm really sorry. You guys,

you guys, you never told us.

What is it you were fighting

about anyway? You know what? I

can't remember.

I guess friendship is like

a barbershop quartet, everyone has

their separate part, but it

takes everyone together to make

beautiful music. What do you

say guys? One more time.

Goodnight ladies. Goodnight

ladies. Goodnight ladies.

We're going to

leave you now.

Ladies, farewell,

ladies, farewell

ladies. We're

going to

leave you

now.

So everything turned out great for you

guys, but whatever happened to David's

coffee shop? Well. That's a very

interesting story too.

Well, how's well that ends well, huh

guys? Yep, For a second there I really

thought our friendship was over. Wait a

minute, guys, it's not that simple. Show

quit his job and Mike gave up his stand.

But what about my coffee shop? Hey, I've

got an idea.

So do you guys want to do now, I don't

know, hang out?

Back at our place, Yeah, sounds cool.

You've got such a big clock. Yes, that is

a big clock. My goodness, there's clock

everywhere. That's fine. It. We'll check

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