You're just an angel.
You're just like
God's gift to Earth.
Thanks.
Can I pray with you?
I'm just waiting for my ride.
Okay.
Lord, thank you for blessing
this world
with this wonderful gift
to show us
true strength in suffering.
For even though he's disabled,
he's still beautiful.
Actually, can you help
me pray for something?
Of course.
God is always there to help you.
Dear Lord.
Every time someone prays
for me, I get a b*ner.
Please help me.
Excuse me?
Prayers just give me
a huge b*ner, I don't know why.
I mean, of course,
I like the fact that
random strangers wanna pray
for me,
but every time they do,
it's just b*ner, b*ner, b*ner.
Okay.
All right.
Dear Lord, please help
this young man with his
unusual affliction.
Oh-oh, here we go.
-Okay!
-Don't stop now!
How am I supposed to get rid
of my b*ner without the Lord?
That's not funny.
Please help me with my b*ner,
lady!
You're late.
Did you do the b*ner thing?
Dude.
You know what,
I'm gonna just say it.
You say dude too much,
it's off-putting.
Why, I'm putting you off?
I'm a little bit put off by it,
yes.
We just got asked to open
for Dirt Devil
this Friday at 10 forward.
sh*t, seriously?
That's awesome.
-We should say no.
-Why?
Aleister,
that's gonna be a huge crowd.
-And?
-Were you not here
for the last two hours?
We sound like
warmed-over dog sh*t.
-f*ck that, I'm saying yes.
-f*ck, no, you can't!
-Watch me, dude.
-Hey, hey,
Tallywacker is a democracy.
I get a 50% vote
on all band decisions.
Y-E-S, exclamation point.
Dude!
You know what?
You say dude too much,
it's off-putting.
-You are such a d*ck.
-You're a d*ck.
Well, go f*ck your f*cking f*ck!
Go f*ck your high hat!
Go f*ck a tambourine!
Hey, you f*ck a tambourine!
You f*ck a tambourine!
Well, what shall we do?
We really should rehearse more.
We are not ready for this gig at
all.
f*ck!
Dude.
Right, back up, you
got it?
Yep, I got it.
Emmett, have you been
giving my son weed?
No.
I smell it on both of you.
It smells like the cheap sh*t
too.
I would never abuse
substances, Bonnie.
It's like buying a cup
of coffee, it's legal now.
It's a gateway.
I started weed when I was 12
and wound up sh**ting dope
in my arm for 15 years.
I'm not sh**ting dope, Ma.
Better not be sh**ting dope
or I would straight up
m*rder your tiny a*s,
right after I m*rder Emmett's.
What did I do?
You're not doing that show.
Yes, we are.
That place is a death trap.
-Death trap?
-It's not accessible.
-How are you even
gonna get down there?
-There's an elevator.
How else do you think bands
load equipment in and out?
What if there's a fire?
There's not gonna be a fire.
There could be a fire.
There are well-marked fire
exits.
I'll be able to get out.
What if the crowd tramples you?
I'm not gonna get trampled.
I'll be in the band, they
never trample the band.
Well, they'll tr*mp you if
you think your band sucks.
I'd like to think they
had better taste than that.
What if they boo you
outta the building
and they're like,
"No one wants
to listen to this garbage!"
If they boo us outta
the building,
I'll burn the place down myself.
Do you realize
that you keep folding
the same piece of underwear?
Okay, I'll drive to your show.
No, you're not invited
to the show.
I forbid you from coming.
You can't forbid me from
going, I'm your mother.
You are forbidden.
Do you understand?
Forbidden.
Oh, you sh*t!
You sh*t!
-What?
-You!
What are you doing?
You f*cking--
What are you--
I folded these!
We gotta take the stairs?
Yeah, the elevator's broken.
We should cancel.
f*ck that!
Should I help carry him or
something?
If you want him to bite you.
You ready to rock?
Nice set.
Hey, thank you.
How about a free beer?
Thanks.
I'm Aleister.
Scarlett.
Did it look cool?
I think so.
I had Tim, the sound guy,
record from the board,
so I can sync it up with the
video later.
You okay with me posting it?
Yeah, that would be amazing.
We don't have any video of
ourselves.
Are you like a professional
videographer?
I do some video, but I'm
mainly into still photography.
What kind of stuff?
I'm into people.
That's such a coincidence, I'm
a person.
You should take pictures of me.
You'd let me do that?
Let's go right now.
I'll let you carry my gear
because I'm a feminist like
that.
I have to close tonight
and open up tomorrow.
Jerry will cover for you.
Right, Jerry?
You'll cover for Scarlett?
Jerry!
His name's not Jerry.
He looks like a Jerry.
Did anyone ever tell you
that you look like a Jerry?
It's at this really small
gallery, but it's my first show.
I'm actually kind of
really nervous about it.
When is it? I'll totally come.
Oh, sh*t!
Someone's probably smoking
in the bathroom again.
-Aleister!
-Oh, Christ!
Ma, no!
Stop it, it's fine.
f*ck that!
Sounds pretty good for a rough
mix.
Dude, look at these comments,
man.
Smart strategy, put a guy
in a wheelchair on stage
and capitalize on the sympathy
card.
People are commenting?
How many views does it have?
Couple thousand.
Look at this, pretty decent
songwriting
for what is essentially
a novelty band.
2,000 people have watched this?
Almost 3,000, but how
are we a novelty band?
'Cause you're disabled?
These people are such assholes.
3,000 views since just last
night?
You're missing the point.
People aren't taking
Tallywacker seriously.
Can we put a link to the
new single up on the video?
I haven't finished mixing yet.
Then finish the mix, Emmett.
We've got new fans.
We've got people mocking us!
Anyway, why are we waiting here
anyway?
What did you forget last night?
My capo.
Your capo?
These things are like five
bucks.
Okay, they're about to open,
let's go.
That's why we're here?
You're stalking the bartender?
You know, it's good for me
to know that I'm abetting
a stalking, right?
You know, that's something
I should probably know
ahead of time.
Here she comes.
Hi.
Hi.
That was very dramatic.
Oh, sorry, I left my
capo here last night.
Is it okay if Emmett
runs down and grabs it?
Sure, no problem.
Lights are on the bottom
of the stairs to your left.
Won't be but a moment.
Take your time.
So you'd be happy to know
the place didn't burn down.
That's a relief.
Your mother get you home okay?
She's a little overprotective.
That's sweet.
Oh, the video you posted,
it's gotten like 3,000 views
already.
Seriously?
I know, right?
I owe you.
Let me take you out for a drink.
Okay, I'm gonna be brutally
honest with you here.
You seem like a really cool
dude,
but I just can't envision
myself ever having sex with you.
That's fine.
I can envision it enough for
both of us.
Oh, yeah?
How's that visualization going
for you?
It's quite a visual.
I'm very small, you won't
even know I'm there.
Sounds magical.
Seriously, I'm just talking
about a drink, that's all.
Honestly, I'm just really busy.
I'm working doubles and my
gallery exhibit is coming up.
Is it okay if I come to that
or do you think I'm a creep now?
You're totally a creep,
but of course, you can come.
It's on Tuesday at
Sandra Macombe's gallery
over at Thianka House.
-Tuesday?
-Yeah.
I will be there.
Be warned, I'm a very tough art
critic.
I'm gonna tear your sh*t apart.
I'd expect nothing less.
See ya.
I cannot find a single
capo in that entire place.
But I did find a ukulele.
Is this anyone's,
can I have this?
No.
What?
What?
It's a free ukulele, dude.
I mean, it's really f*cking
good, man.
I don't think we should play it.
Why not?
It's too obvious.
What do you mean obvious?
The lyrics, you're obviously
singing
about your brittle bone disease.
Oh, you caught that?
We shouldn't play a
bunch of disabled songs.
We've talked about this,
this isn't a disabled band.
You wrote a bunch of mopey
sh*t when Stephanie dumped you.
Is this a p*ssy band?
Did you see the comments on
our videos?
Everyone's focused on the
disability.
So what, they're watching us.
So what, about integrity?
The Tallywacker is supposed
to be about integrity.
Emmett, I wanna play
for an actual audience
with actual people in it.
All right, you know what,
fine, fine.
You know, forget integrity.
Then we'll just dress you up
in a leprechaun suit then.
You wear a leprechaun suit!
Well, you're the leprechaun.
You're the f*cking leprechaun!
You're the f*cking leprechaun!
No.
I'm not doing it, man.
She stirs it
while she's staring at it.
Oh.
Then licks her finger,
shoves it right into my face.
She does not!
-No, she doesn't.
-Yes, she does.
-She did?
-She does.
Hey, honey, Terry's here.
Hey, buddy.
How's it going?
How was practice?
Hey, your mom told
me you have a band now.
I mean, that's a really
good hobby to have.
I'm gonna go.
-No, no, Terry, come on.
-Yeah.
No, it's good, it's good.
It's good to see you.
Yeah, me too,
Buddy, so good to see you, man.
I mean, maybe I can hear
your band play sometime?
You know, that'd be cool.
See you, Terry.
-Take care.
-Take care.
I saw him in a meeting.
He's got six months.
You know what happens
when you hang out with him?
You don't understand
the fellowship, Aleister.
All right, we don't
turn our back on people,
no matter what they've done in
the past.
He's working on step four.
You know what, get off
your high horse, Aleister.
People f*ck up.
Don't let him in this house
again.
Okay, tough guy.
I'm serious.
I'm serious.
You're so immature.
You're so immature.
That's what you sound like.
-No, I don't.
-Yes, you do.
-You sound like a muppet.
-I don't sound like a muppet.
-You do, you sound like
the fuzzy bear.
-I don't sound--
That's you, that's you!
I don't sound like
a muppet.
You sound just like a muppet.
You're the one
that looks like Janice.
Yeah, man.
Groovy.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Why is there no one here?
It must be early.
Hate being early.
It triggers my social anxiety.
You think they got food?
You think it's free?
I don't know, probably.
Okay.
I'm gonna go eat my feelings.
What do you mean it's
inappropriate?
That's my face on the f*cking
wall.
I'm not gonna
talk about this right now.
Scarlett, come on.
Hey, Aleister.
Hi, Scarlett.
Everything okay, hoss?
It's fine, dude.
Actually, I have to talk
to Aleister right now.
He's kind of a VIP.
All right.
Want me to kick his a*s?
He's fine.
You know, models can
be so bitchy sometimes.
It's hard to be gorgeous, I
guess.
So, what do you think?
I think you're really talented.
That's what people say when
they don't like something.
You know, they are beautiful,
but it's easy to make beautiful
people look beautiful.
You should sh**t not so
beautiful people, like me.
I think you're beautiful.
I wasn't fishing for a
compliment.
No bullshit.
In your own way, I think
you are seriously beautiful.
Aleister, yo, Aleister!
I, hi.
I just got a call
from Jim Madden.
We got an offer to open
for Carly Major on Wednesday.
-What, how?
-Their opener dropped out.
I guess someone from their team
saw the video and liked us.
It's unbelievable.
We should say no.
We're not saying no!
We're not ready.
You're totally ready.
And I see a lot of bands.
You guys are gonna k*ll it.
I'll get you a press pass
to take pictures with.
You could do that?
Yeah, you can do that?
We wouldn't have gotten
this gig without you.
We owe you.
Oh my god.
You would do that!
Mm?
Fine, but we need you to start
rehearsing like right now.
And I'm sorry, but I'm
gonna need that ukulele.
We're losing time at the
chorus.
We gotta do it again.
Don't touch my sh*t.
Actually, it's my name
on the f*cking marquee.
So this is all my sh*t.
Actually, f*ck you, Carly.
Aw, poor little Travis.
You're such a f*cking baby!
Sound check works for me.
Thanks guys.
Hey, you're that dude from the
video.
Yeah, Aleister Budd.
You watched the video?
Yeah, I loved it.
You guys are hilarious.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks so much for having us.
Is everything okay?
Oh, Travis?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Just don't f*ck your guitar
player.
It's bad news.
I am the guitar player.
Well, I guess it's fine
to f*ck yourself then.
Oh, Carly, this is Emmett,
the drummer of Tallywacker.
-Oh, what up, dude?
-Hi, Carly.
It's nice to meet you.
Thanks for having us.
I think they're done,
you can start setting up.
Yes, Master.
Right away, Master.
Here, is here good?
Here, yeah?
Good, good, good, good, good?
Thanks so much, we're
Tallywacker.
I wanna dedicate this next
song to our friend, Scarlett.
She's an awesome, talented
photographer,
and she took the video
that got us this gig.
Thanks, Scarlett.
We're gonna try a new one
tonight.
This song's called Brittle.
-What the f*ck, dude!
-What?
You pull out
a new unfinished song
during the biggest show
we've ever had?
They loved it.
We agreed not to do that song.
You agreed, I didn't agree.
So that's what we do now?
We just surprise each other
with songs during a live show.
Why not? It's spontaneous.
Fine, the next time we're on
stage,
I'll just write a song
called Aleister is a d*ck.
Sounds like a hit.
What are the chords?
I'm sick of your sh*t, Carly!
You know what?
You are a f*cking C word!
You're a f*cking C word!
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Do you know the guitar
parts to my first two albums?
Yeah.
Great, you're hired.
Let's go.
Mm.
-Come on.
-Yeah, okay.
-f*cking help me, come on!
-Help you do what?
How about my new guitarist,
Aleister?
Give it up
You rule, Aleister.
You guys rule.
Oh, hi, Carly.
Do you wanna smoke?
It's the good sh*t
that they save
for the disabled people.
Sweet, yeah.
That was an awesome set.
You're really good.
Aleister saved the day.
You're my hero.
It was my pleasure.
I got seven more shows before
this tour's mercifully over.
Can you do it?
What, me?
Yeah, I don't know
how much money
there is in the budget for you.
It's probably not much.
You want me to play in your
band?
Yeah.
Are you okay?
He's really not okay.
Of course, I'll do it.
My manager will email you
with all the bullshit.
-Yeah, that's great.
-Oh, and you're gonna
have to get yourself there.
I don't think we have room
on the bus for your...
chair or anything.
No problem,
Emmett can bring me.
Who's Emmett?
Me, I'm Emmett.
Hey, what's up, dude?
Yeah, I'm gonna need to
bring him as guitar tech.
We don't have any money for
him.
We can barely pay you.
No Emmett, no me.
Well, look who's getting all
cutthroat.
Okay, fine.
I'll see you and Emmett
on Tuesday.
Wow, this is good sh*t.
Bring it on tour.
No problem, we'll hook
you up, Carly Major.
She just took my bowl.
Oh my God, we're going
on tour with Carly Major.
Thanks for volunteering me,
man.
Come on, it's a once in
a lifetime opportunity.
I can't just drop
everything and be your roadie.
I need to work.
Who's gonna bring me, my
mother?
I think Carly would love your
mother.
Come on, Emmett, I really
wanna do this.
I need you.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Okay, I'm begging.
You're not begging.
Please, good sir.
I'm just a poor, crippled
musician.
Do you know how many people
have probably pissed there?
Please help me.
You think I'm embarrassed,
but I'm not.
I'm so helpless and vulnerable.
f*cking prick.
You're not going.
Of course, I am.
Sorry, my decision's final.
You don't get a vote?
Of course, I get a vote,
I'm your mother.
And I'm an adult.
I forbid you to go.
You can't forbid me.
You forbid me from
doing sh*t all the time.
And you completely ignore me.
Honey, there are just too many
things
that can happen when you're on
the road.
Emmett will be there.
You know I love Emmett,
but he's a f*cking idiot.
I mean, he's gonna be
distracted,
just running around chasing
p*ssy.
And you're gonna be eaten by
hyenas.
Hyenas?
We're going to Boston.
Have you ever been to Boston?
Those people are worse than
hyenas.
I can handle it.
No, I handle it.
I always handle it.
And that's why you haven't
been scooped up by falcons.
Falcons?
Where do you think we live?
In the real world
and not in some fantasy
where you think you're f*cking
invincible.
Mom, I appreciate all that you
do
to protect me from falcons
and hyenas,
but I'm going on the road,
end of story.
Who's that?
Oh, that's Scarlett.
Who the f*ck is Scarlett?
She's a photographer.
She's gonna take photos
of me at her studio.
Oh, so you're a rockstar
and a model now?
I could figure this out.
Oh, it's okay, I got it.
There you go.
Don't drive like a crazy person.
If you slam on the brakes
too hard, he's gonna fly
through the windshield
like a watermelon.
Right, of course.
I'll be careful.
I'll be fine.
It's a lot of responsibility
to keep him safe.
Show me.
Go ahead.
Yeah, of course.
Is that too tight?
You can go tighter?
Didn't know I was into
the kinky sh*t, huh?
I had my suspicions.
See you later.
Okay, you ready?
You wanna take pictures
of me with my clothes on?
Yeah.
I think you look great.
I really wanna focus in on your
face.
f*ck that.
Oh, oh, okay.
This is happening, okay.
You need help?
Thanks.
You sure?
Did you ask Jordan if he was
sure?
Go ahead, sh**t.
Why are your legs crossed like
that?
When I was younger,
I used to break bones
and have surgeries all the time.
So I would move my legs
in these strange positions
in order to feel less pain.
And then they just sort of
grew and stayed that way.
Hmm.
What about the rod?
I was sick of going to the
hospital
and I didn't wanna worry my mom,
so I just didn't tell anybody.
The magic of long pants.
Do you have feeling in your
legs?
Yes, I feel everywhere.
You can touch them if you want.
Do you feel bad for me?
Why would you ask that?
Most people do.
I would understand if you did.
Mm-mm.
No.
I'm just trying to understand
your world.
And I'm just trying to
understand yours.
Corny f*ck.
Look to your left.
Are you up for something weird?
Always.
Can I bind you?
Hell, yeah!
So I have a surprise for you.
Oh, what's that?
I got you a press pass for
all the shows on the tour.
You can come with me and Emmett
in the van and...
get a bunch of behind-the-scenes
shots and video.
That sounds amazing.
Uh, but I can't just drop
everything
and go on tour with you.
What would you be dropping?
The gallery opening is done.
I have to work.
You wanna be a professional
photographer, right?
When are you going to
get this kind of access
to a rockstar like this?
Mm.
Do you think Carly would mind?
Carly?
I was talking about me.
Sorry.
What happened?
Carly Major is a f*cking
lunatic is what happens.
Where is she?
Hopefully, in hell.
Well, that sucks.
I guess we drive home.
No way.
We've gotta find Carly.
And how do we do that?
Well, we'll go look around for
her.
Oh, we can go look around for
her.
What are you, Carmen San Diego?
-Carmen San Diego
doesn't look for people.
-What?
The player tries to
find Carmen San Diego,
not the other way round.
Did you just mansplain
Carmen San Diego to me?
Her manager just texted me.
Show is canceled.
Carly's at the hotel.
Yeah, doing something
f*cking insane no doubt.
Let's go find out.
Come on, let's just,
let's just go home.
Alright, it's over.
No, it's not over.
My one-third vote says we keep
going.
We did drive all this way.
I hate democracy.
And right before it
lands, the dinosaur looks up
and asks, "Wait, is that
a meteor or an asteroid?"
Ka-boom!
Hey, there he is.
Hey, what happened with the
show?
Oh, I don't know, man.
sh*t happens.
You want a beer?
Give him a beer.
Aleister, do you know the
difference
between a meteor
and an asteroid?
I don't.
I don't either.
Does anybody know?
I think it has something
to do with the size.
Oh, the size.
Really?
I was always told
that size didn't matter.
Dude, I'm coming,
I'm coming in.
That was so good.
You're great.
I love you, man.
You're doing really great.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa!
I did not give you my permission
to take my f*cking picture,
girly.
I'm sorry.
She's not taking your pictures.
She's taking my picture.
I didn't tell you?
I've got a personal
photographer.
It's in my rider.
It's in your rider?
It's in his rider.
Dude, you are a f*cking trip.
Oh.
Aleister, let's write a song
together.
What, right now?
Yeah, right now is always the
best time.
Ben, give him your guitar.
Play something sad.
Yeah.
It was amazing.
An entire song just
poured right out of her.
That's good.
Is she gonna pay you for it?
That's not what it was about.
You gotta get paid.
Don't be like those suckers from
Motown
that died broke and penniless.
What are you doing today?
I'm going to a meeting
and then going to work.
Oh, you got a job?
Yeah, I mean, I gotta do
something
with your lazy a*s out the
house.
Where are you working?
Just doing some light
reception work at a garage.
Not Terry's garage?
Lots of people work there.
Mom, what are you doing?
What, Aleister?
It's a job, I need the money.
This is always how it starts.
You don't know anything.
You think you know everything,
but you know nothing.
Come on, Scarlett, please.
What is wrong with you?
Gimme 10 minutes of your time.
What is wrong with you?
- Mom, I've gotta go.
- You ghosted me.
You're ghosting me,
I know you are.
What you mean you gotta go?
Come on, just talk to me.
How did you even find me?
You're posting all over
about your big rockstar tour,
but yet you blocked
my phone number.
That's messed up, Scarlett.
- Well, I--
- Hey!
Hey, what's going on?
Stay outta this, man.
It's got nothing to do with you.
This is my tour
and Scarlett's with me,
so it's got everything to do
with me.
Are you serious?
Just go home, Jordan.
Yeah, go home, Jordan.
I'm not going anywhere
until I get an explanation
outta you.
Just wait.
You kidding me?
-In my face?
-That's right.
I'll f*ck up your pretty
face anytime I f*cking want.
What's up?
This f*cking stalker just
followed Scarlett here.
-Dude, what the f*ck?
-I'm not a--
-Just, just...
-I don't care.
Get the f*ck outta here.
You wanna do this?
We can do it.
My face better not
be messed up, Scarlett.
You're messed up.
Okay.
What?
You're messed up.
I'm not that good at tough guy
talk.
No, that was really good.
-What was I supposed to say?
-Literally anything.
Anything would've been cooler
than that.
My face better not be messed up,
Scarlett.
Carly Major, it is so
great to have you here.
But I bet you're not used
to playing this early?
Yeah, I am not usually awake
this early.
Well, we're really happy
to have you
and I see
you have a new band member.
Yeah, this is Aleister.
He's my latest discovery.
I picked him up somewhere along
the way.
So, Aleister, what's it
like touring with Carly Major?
It's been a dream come true,
but I do have weird dreams.
How about another song?
Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
This is a love song.
Aleister, have you ever been in
love?
Probably.
Probably, what do you mean
probably?
I mean, I think so.
Maybe.
Oh, what's happening?
Aleister's putting out a vibe,
everybody.
I think I may be in love right
now.
Oh, what a declaration.
Aleister is in love with
Scarlett Knight, everybody.
Hey man, does she love you back?
I don't know, you'd have to--
I-I-I--
She wouldn't go out
with me the last time
I asked her, so...
Hey, Scarlett, why won't
you go out with Aleister?
I'm in love with you, Carly.
Hey, who can blame you?
Sorry, dude, I tried.
This next song is dedicated
to Aleister's broken little
heart.
Mm.
Where'd she go?
Where'd who go?
Come on, man.
No, forget about it, dude.
What do you mean forget about
it?
I mean, what you did, it
wasn't cool.
Thanks for your opinion.
Where is she?
She was pretty pissed.
Where is she, Emmett?
I said I wouldn't tell.
-You said you wouldn't tell?
-I promised.
What the f*ck, man?
Whose side are you on anyway?
-I'm a neutral party, all right.
-No, you're not.
You're my friend and you're my
band mate.
I've covered for your a*s
more times
than I can f*cking count.
f*cking tell me where she is.
What are you doing out here?
Waiting for my ride to the
hotel
and the bus station, then home.
I'm sorry, I thought you would
like it.
You thought I would
like being humiliated
on national public radio?
It was a grand gesture.
It was supposed to be romantic.
You know what's romantic?
Listening to me when I
tell you what I want.
I listen.
What did I say when you asked
me out?
That was before the tour.
And Carly Major, all this.
So what, you think you've
earned me?
- No.
-You've won me like some princess
-at the end of a video game?
-No, I'm not like that.
You are exactly like that,
Aleister.
You're no different than the
rest.
You're, you're no different than
Jordan.
I'm totally different.
How, how are you different?
Look at me.
Look at what?
Obviously,
I'm no threat to you.
But you are, though.
You are a threat.
-How?
-You followed me
when I didn't want you to,
didn't you?
-I was just trying to explain.
-So was Jordan.
He was just trying to explain.
Did it ever occur to you
that maybe I don't want your
explanations?
I'm not some a*usive as*h*le.
I can't hurt you.
I'm disabled.
I'm gonna wait inside.
Scarlett, come on, no.
Come back, I'm sorry.
f*cking stairs!
Think it'd be weird if I
took a sh*t while driving?
All right, new business idea,
ready?
Pooper, it's like Uber,
but your driver's pooping
the entire time, all right.
We put like a hole in the seat
and you can poop.
As the passenger, you'd
be to poop.
But rest assured,
your driver is pooping.
-When's it gonna
work out for me?
-What do you mean?
If I can't get a girl
to look at me now,
I mean,
I'm--I'm an actual rock star,
when's it gonna happen?
Girls like you.
Not in that way.
You don't know that.
I am no one's sexual fantasy.
I don't know, I had a
sexy dream about you once.
You did?
You flew in on a Pegasus.
The wind flowing through your
locks,
your clown nose shining
in the moon.
I was wearing a clown nose?
It was a sex dream,
of course,
you're wearing a clown nose.
Hey, oh, don't judge me.
You should be flattered.
Oh, I'm flattered.
Little disturbed, a little
aroused.
Glorious, beautiful beast.
I don't know, man.
We could probably unload,
but there's no way
we can park here.
What's up?
My mother didn't answer.
So?
She always answers the phone.
Maybe she's taking a shower?
She brings the phone into the
bathroom
when she showers.
Maybe she's stuck in quicksand?
Her phone is quicksand proof.
Maybe she's flying
through the air
with the greatest of ease?
-On a flying trapeze?
-Precisely.
No, she has a wireless headset
for that.
Hmm.
Probably just sucking c*ck then.
Yeah, that lines up.
No, it's her answering
machine that gives it away.
Hi, this is Bonnie.
I can't come to the phone
right now,
but if you gulk, gulk,
gulk, gulk, gulk, gulk.
What, hmm?
Oh, nah. Just...
you look a little... peaked.
Peaked?
Nah, under the weather.
Do you need to fill in on drums
tonight?
I'm happy to do it.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Hey, there he is.
Yeah, they wanted to meet you.
Hi, I'm Sara.
I'm Gianna, we're
all friends of Carly's.
We saw your video and
what you do is amazing.
Cool.
Thank you.
This is my drummer, Emmett.
Hi, I'm Emmett.
So what time does the show
start?
I think we're on
in like 10 minutes.
You f*cking serious?
You serious?
You call me right f*cking now?
Are you serious?
Yeah, what you gotta say?
Are you hanging out after the
show?
Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
You wanna smoke?
Heck, yeah, rockstar lifestyle.
Awesome.
That's Aleister and his buddy.
Emmett from Tallywacker!
Okay, get the f*ck off stage,
Emmett.
Right.
All right, well, this next
one is called Cone of Silence.
Emmett, can you help me with
this?
Sorry, I thought you were
Emmett.
Holy sh*t.
Sorry, I'm so sweaty.
You're perfect.
You're an angel.
Oh.
Holy sh*t.
What are you doing?
We're, we're band mates.
We share everything.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Stop.
-We were partying.
Wait.
She's my ride.
-Are you f*cking kidding me?
-What?
I thought it would be
a good bonding experience
for the band.
They're not here for the band.
They're here for me.
Okay, but doesn't that
strike you as a little weird?
What do you mean?
Two hot women show
up looking to f*ck you.
Don't you think it's kind
of a fetish thing for them?
What?
I mean, no offense, but...
did you stop to think
why they wanted to f*ck you?
I don't care why.
I just don't wanna
see you get exploited.
Let them exploit me.
Please, exploit me.
Really?
You don't think that's a little
shallow?
I mean, you're better than that,
man.
f*ck you!
You're not in the band.
You're here to help me.
You're the f*cking help.
Yes, sir.
Let me get your gear for you,
sir.
Right quick, sir.
Get back here, f*ck!
Hey!
Get back here, I'm not
done yelling at you.
Just doing my job, sir.
No, don't take the stairs.
f*cking stairs!
Hey.
All set and ready to go, sir.
At your convenience, of course.
You don't get to be mad at me.
You just ruined my threesome.
I'm not mad, sir.
I await your instructions.
f*ck you.
f*ck you.
-f*ck you.
-f*ck you.
We're supposed to be a band.
We're supposed to be doing all
this sh*t
together as a band.
We are doing it together.
No, you're doing it.
I'm, I'm your f*cking roadie,
man.
Do you know how hard I've
worked for Tallywacker
for the last 15 years?
Do, why do I even bother?
You just walk in
and get all this sh*t
handed to you.
You think that I just
get sh*t handed to me?
Do you think you're the
best available guitarist
to fill in for Carly?
Do we think that's why
you got the gig?
I don't care why.
Right, you don't care.
Because I'm the only one
who cares. You see, I'm...
I'm the only one
in there who doesn't see you
as a sideshow, man.
Do you have any idea
how much harder things
are for me than you?
You know, you know,
from my end,
things actually don't seem
that hard for you.
See, I'm the one who drives.
I'm the one who carries your
sh*t.
And I'm the one
who everyone ignores.
And then when you roll up,
everyone's all over you
like you're David f*cking Bowie.
You're jealous of me.
You know what, just forget it.
Carry your own sh*t.
I'm sick of carrying it.
Fine, I will.
Good.
Have a good tour, rockstar.
I will, you f*cking prick.
f*cking.
sh*t.
f*ck!
Oh, hey.
Hey, man, I thought you left.
Nope, still here.
I need a ride to the hotel,
actually.
Is there room in the bus?
Oh, Travis is back.
So we don't need you anymore.
What do you mean?
Travis is gonna finish the
tour.
Thanks for filling in though,
man.
You were awesome.
So you're just firing me?
I'm not firing you, man.
I never hired you.
You were a fill in.
You can't just do that.
-I can't?
-Oh boy, here we go.
You can't just throw me
aside because I'm disabled.
I have rights.
I brought you on tour.
I tried to get you laid.
What did you do?
You fell over drunk
and then you brought your friend
on stage.
I wasn't drunk.
You completely ruined the show
tonight.
Do you have any idea how
unprofessional that is?
Carly Major is lecturing
me about professionalism?
Are you kidding me?
Huh, are you kidding me? Huh?
-Hey. Okay, babe.
Cool down, babe.
-No, no, no, f*ck this.
f*ck you,
you ungrateful little prick!
- It's-
- No!
Well, he's just officially
been fired by Carly Major.
Welcome to the club.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know, go home?
How am I supposed to get home?
Uber?
It doesn't work that way.
I don't get to just do things
like you do.
Things are harder for me.
I'm sorry, man.
Hey buddy.
What? Why are you answering
my mother's phone?
I was actually just
about to bring it to her.
Yeah, they wouldn't let her
have it for the first 24 hours.
- Who wouldn't let her have it?
-The staff.
The staff where?
What the f*ck
are you talking about?
Nobody called you?
Your mom went in-patient.
In-patient for what?
Actually, it's not a huge
deal, man.
You know, they overreacted.
-What happened?
-Well, they sectioned her,
you know?
But they can only hold her for
three days.
So she'll be out
first thing in the morning.
Nobody called you?
Who would call me?
There's no one.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Um, where are you?
Put your chair in the back here.
I don't really know why I still
have this.
This is Janie's when she was
little.
Who's Janie?
What do you mean?
Janie's your little sister.
Come on, man, you know,
you know who Janie is?
She lives with her mom in Texas
now,
and she's gotta be eight or
nine.
You don't even know how old
she is?
Pretty sure she's nine.
Cute as hell, though.
I mean, just...
Nobody told you about her?
So what do I gotta do, man?
Do I gotta...
lift you up in there,
or...
I got it.
Okay, yeah.
-I don't need your help.
-All right.
Okay.
So you were playing out with
your band?
That's pretty cool.
What happened to my mom?
It's not a huge deal, man.
Like I said, they overreacted,
so.
Did she relapse?
Yeah, listen man, that
addiction thing,
it's a tough Mickey Fickey, man.
I mean, you, it's genuinely
a disease of the body,
the mind, and the spirit.
You know, you can have
all this time cleaning
and you know, suddenly
it's just like, boom.
It's funny, she only seems
to go boom when you're around.
Oh, your mom, she's,
you know, she's an adult.
She makes, she makes her own
decisions.
So you're saying it's just a
coincidence
that she's always sober without
you?
It's a complicated thing.
So you weren't with
her when she relapsed?
What a f*cking surprise.
Look, man, I-I get it.
You--
You know,
you blame me for everything.
But your mom and I,
we were--
We were so young
when we had you.
No, don't.
Okay.
Well, you like music, right?
Let's listen to some music.
I already know
what you're gonna say,
Aleister.
I just messed up
on my medication, that's it.
Hey guys, I'm gonna make
some coffee for everybody.
You were just leaving.
Aleister, come on.
No, he's leaving.
You're f*cking leaving, Terry.
I get why you're mad at me,
buddy.
I get it, but we're family.
Stop talking.
Get out of here
and never come back.
I swear to God, if you
step foot in here again,
I will kick your a*s!
Aleister, stop.
I'll see you later, Bonnie.
No, you won't see her later.
It's just an expression, man.
It wasn't his fault.
No, it's never his fault.
Aleister, I just messed
up my medication, that's it.
I go away for one week and
you mess up your medication?
Well, maybe you shouldn't have
left.
You know what...
You want some coffee?
Do you, Mom, do you want some
coffee?
Yeah, sure.
All right, here you go.
You promise me you're
going to the meeting today?
Yeah, I'm going, I wanna go.
I'll go with you if you want.
Don't be stupid, it's
right around the corner.
-It'll be fine.
Go, go do your thing.
-Okay, okay.
All right.
Good luck.
You've gotta go.
I'm just expressing myself.
Express it somewhere else.
Does everybody hear this?
He's kicking the disabled
person off the property.
Everyone here knows
you and they all agree
you're a d*ck.
Emmett.
Can you at least give me a ride
home?
I can't, I gotta work a double.
Do you have dreams about
having hair?
-I do.
-I know bald guys always say
they have dreams
about having huge hair.
Hey dude, what's up?
Hey, guys, hi, Frank.
Is my mother in the meeting?
Come on, man you know I can't
tell you
who's in the meeting.
Frank, you know me, man.
Aleister, it's anonymous.
That's what the second A
stands for.
So she's not here?
-All right.
-Yeah.
-Thanks.
-See you later, dude.
Hey.
Come on, Ma.
What?
You don't think I know
what you're doing?
What am I doing?
You're supposed to be at a
meeting.
-Yeah, I went to meeting.
-No, you didn't.
I went over there.
I left early.
Why are you lying to me?
You never lied to me.
So what, you checking
up on me in meetings now?
Show me.
Show you what?
Show me, Ma.
Look, it's not a big deal.
You just got out of
treatment two days ago.
Yeah, that was for pills, this
is booze.
I've never had a problem with
booze.
I can drink socially.
So you're drinking socially by
yourself
at 10 in the morning?
Gimme the bottle, Ma.
-Gimme the bottom, Ma.
-No, not funny.
Just give it to me.
You know what, if I wanna
have a drink, I'll drink.
I've given my whole life up
for you, you mother f*ck.
So if I wanna
have a drink, I'll-
Give it to me.
Aleister!
Aleister, stop.
Stop!
Ow!
-f*ck.
-Oh my god.
Aleister, Aleister, are you
okay?
-Oh my god.
-Oh.
Oh.
-Sorry.
-Goddammit.
-Sorry, sorry.
-f*ck!
Sorry, hold on, hold on!
Ow.
It's okay, it's okay.
I'm so sorry, sorry.
Hey.
How bad is it?
Oh, oh, okay,
I'll be right there.
Hey.
Hey,
thanks for coming.
Is he okay?
He's got a broken leg,
but they don't have to do
surgery this time, so.
-That's good.
-Yeah.
-Where is he?
-He's in the living room.
Are you coming?
No, no, he doesn't wanna see
me.
I'm sure he does.
Trust me.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Hey Em, could you maybe
stay with him for a while?
Sure.
How long you thinking?
28 days.
Yeah, of course.
I just, I need to figure
some sh*t out, you know?
Just take care of him, okay?
Okay.
Thanks.
See you later.
See you.
Hey.
They make casts that little,
huh?
Well, children break bones.
Right.
Children, forgot about children.
So how, how long before
you can play again?
I can play now.
My cast doesn't really affect
my lifestyle all that much.
That makes sense.
Well, we got an offer to play
at Tent Ford next Tuesday.
We should probably say no.
We should say yes.
I just don't think we'll be
ready.
We'll be ready.
We should play
Necrocomicolingus.
But that song isn't done yet.
Well then get off your
lazy a*s and finish it.
-You're lazy.
-You're lazy.
How am I the lazy one?
Look at you.
You're sitting
literally all the time.
We should open with
the one about your dad.
That's a downer, dude.
You don't open with a downer.
It's emotional,
it grabs them right away.
Can I sign your cast?
No, you can't sign my cast.
-Please, dude, it is so white.
-Absolutely not.
Can I write the set list
on it at least?
That way the paper
can't blow away.
-Absolutely not.
-This thing's way too white.
-Can I draw a picture?
-No.
- Look at it, it's--
- Don't even think about it.
-Please.
-No.
-Please.
-No.
-Please.
-No.
-Please.
-No! No. No.
It's been a weird
couple of weeks.
But I gotta say, I'm really glad
to be back here playing
music with my buddy, Emmett.
Emmett Carmody on drums,
everybody.
I wanna dedicate this next song
to your bartender, Scarlett.
I've got something to say
and...
it's something that needs
to be expressed through song.
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Tallywacker (2023)
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