I guess you could say this tale
revolves around this guy.
He was my boss.
He'll be dead soon.
No, not because that toy g*n
actually fired.
But because I think
I k*lled him.
But let's start
at the beginning.
Before it all went to hell.
After a slew of mind-numbing
talks and chats,
informational meetings,
and a formal interview
called "super dead",
you land a full-time job here,
the bullpen.
A junior investment
banker's home.
The recruiting sales pitch
is, "You have great
exit opportunities.
Think about that."
To get you to join,
they sell you on the exit.
And believe me, we're all trying
to get the hell out.
But once you're here,
you're theirs.
They lure you with fantasy
and trap you with fear.
And I know what you're thinking,
"Boo-f*cking-hoo."
But trust me,
this isn't just a story
about a bunch
of corporate tools
unraveling in fun
and entertaining ways.
It's about you, too.
It's about all of us.
But for now,
welcome to investment banking.
First, we've gotta get
this conference call together.
Let's go over these.
Discussion materials.
A sales pitch to convince
a client to buy a company,
sell a company,
leverage a company,
anything a company,
as long as the client makes
a deal, the bank makes a fee,
the MDs make a juicy bonus.
And us junior bankers?
We get that.
A deal toy.
Is Chandler on?
Someone, loop him in.
Brandon, you on?
Bobby's here.
I'll loop him in.
My job is to put these pitches
together.
Bunch of charts, metrics,
sensitivity tables
with shitty b*llet points.
Including EBITDA assumptions.
EBITDA, finance term for how
much money a company makes.
Sort of.
The kind of number you pull
out of your a*s
lots of the time.
And if Chandler sniffs it out,
I'm f*cked.
Hello?
Hey, Chandler, it's Bobby.
Can I loop you into the call?
What call?
The Project Monarch call
you scheduled
for 10 minutes ago.
Oh, yeah, patch me in.
Chandler's on.
We've got a quorum.
Page one, fine. Two, fine.
Actually, add Q3 APAC deals.
Easy for me to bullshit around.
Page three looks
directionally right.
k*ll page four.
Page five,
cash balance looks high.
We sweep proceeds from the
recent sale of air handling biz?
Swept them.
Accuracy matters.
Conviction matters more.
Cap structure pro forma
for new unsecureds?
Yep.
Secureds pari to term loan?
Yep.
Revolver cash flow or an A.B.L?
Yep.
What?
A.B.L.
Page six. What the f*ck?
Who chose this shade of orange
on the concept chart?
Colors are important, too.
Got it.
You're amazing.
Betty, my analyst. Lifesaver.
Updated color palette.
Beats the old goldenrod.
Yeah, more like golden sh*t.
Love it! Moving on.
Hey! Devils are on fire, my man.
Back-to-back
hat tricks for Hughes.
Leads the Eastern Conference
in points and plus/minus.
Hey, what about Blackwood?
Pays to be tall at net, huh?
1.9 goals against average.
I mean...
What do you make of that winger
they just signed from Russia?
Markov, yeah. Great release.
Flashes of Kovalchuk
in his prime.
Right.
Hey, gotta get you
to a game, man.
My seats go right
behind the Devils net
first and third period.
Pretty sweet.
I would love to come
with you guys sometime.
It looks like my dabs
are gonna be sippin' bubbly
out of the cup this year, B!
Hey!
Not if my Rangers have anything
to say about it, T!
Then you woke up.
Hey, congrats on that
Triton deal by the way.
That was great.
I saw the big piece
in the journal.
I would love to see a case study
if you have one.
Sold 'em at nine
and a half times.
Fully synergized.
Bottom of the cycle.
Get the analyst
that worked on it
work out a few
pages of nuts and bolts.
That'd be great. Thank you.
That is Tom Abernathy.
Another MD I work for.
He invented SPACs,
or MLPs, or some sh*t.
Loves talking about hockey.
Especially since I played
a little pro minors in Europe.
Last thing
I really enjoyed doing.
He thinks I look up to him,
aspire to be him,
and follow the Devils.
We play this fun game
where he pretends he knows
something about hockey
and I pretend to care
what he says.
Sometimes, that feels like
the hardest part of the job.
Pretending.
Another great part of the job?
Flipping the decks.
Looking for mistakes.
We call 'em "busts".
Why are your footnotes
in Calibri?
You don't want to be fired,
do you?
Why did you engrave your charger
with your initials in gold?
Uh-uh.
Bedazzled in 24-karat gold.
Probably cost more
than the charger's worth.
It's the principle, okay?
Everyone here takes
everyone else's chargers.
Those sons of a shoe
will know not to take mine.
You do not f*ck with Farouk.
"You do not f*ck with Farouk."
-That's a good line.
-You think so?
Yeah, it rolls off the tongue.
You do not f*ck with Farouk.
Hey, I heard Lev-Fin was meeting
on Project Falcon.
You're on that, right?
Uh, I don't see a meeting.
Oh, it's more casual.
Lunch, getting drinks.
Isn't one of the MDs on that
married to a film producer?
She used to work
for Joel Silver.
Mm. Yeah.
I heard she was gonna be there.
Son of a donkey.
Do you know where?
I think it was close.
Nobody was Ubering.
You can probably
still catch 'em.
Oh.
And it was a Halloween thing.
Like dress-up.
But I don't have a costume.
You're a Christmas tree yeah.
I wish your tailor
could see this.
He'd be so proud.
Don't worry. He will.
Peng is downstairs
purchasing my dinner,
rubbers, and companions
for the evening.
Are you for serious?
Accuracy matters.
Now, we're talking.
Go, go, go.
There is no meeting.
Farouk, fellow associate
and Egyptian royalty.
Dad's a huge bank client.
Bought him a pesticide plant
as a graduation present.
But Farouk's real dream
is to make movies.
He's always on the prowl
for good story ideas
or a snappy dialogue
when he's not threatening
to get you fired.
The plane is running up
straight.
Normal day in the sky.
Wait, diversion, diversion.
Good night on the Savannah?
Seems we both have a penchant
for bent-over dumb doll Rose.
Hey, do these footnotes
look right to you?
Uh, yeah.
Times New Roman,
but use size seven font.
Double-check that EBITDA.
And make sure it's pro forma
for the new bullfrog.
Right.
Don't let the blas attitude
fool you.
Danny is a hell of an analyst.
They're the lifeblood
of the bank.
The guys who actually
know the numbers.
Me? I'm an MBA associate
who fabricates numbers.
Know half as much
and make twice his salary.
But he's probably gonna run
this place one day.
Those are not a*s implants
either.
I got nudes, too.
Baby's first bath.
f*ck.
You should get that.
Hey, hon.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no,
I haven't left yet.
Mm-hmm.
Dry white wine?
Yep, you got it. Okay.
Be there soon.
Kiss, kiss. Love you more.
Um, oh, what is a valance?
It's on our Amex bill.
I just wanna make sure
it's not fraud,
'cause our credit score
is, like-- Joan?
That's Jack.
Another associate.
Probably an investment bank
lifer.
Each new baby and valance charge
makes those golden handcuffs
click a little tighter.
And triggers a nasty case
of focal hyperhidrosis.
Sweaty armpits.
Valance is some sort
of fancy window drape, I think.
Either of you two know
what RMT math is?
Reverse Morris Trust math.
Are you dense?
You're useless.
What happened to the paleo diet?
Cheat day.
Gym girl and I are doing drinks
at Pegu Club with her friend.
You in?
Oh, I can't,
I gotta reprint these
and get 'em over
to Chandler's.
Mm.
You should see his new place.
6,200-square feet ranch.
Oh my God.
Can you imagine
the property taxes?
Ken Chandler's house.
They say banking
is an apprenticeship business.
If he was a cobbler,
I'd be the lackey,
hammering shoe heels all day
and night.
Guess there are worse things
to be.
Love you, buddy.
Night.
sh*t!
Hey.
Hey.
-For you.
-Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Uh, good luck with the meeting.
If you need anything,
just sh**t me.
Text me.
-Anything like that.
-Oh, hi.
Oh.
-Where are you going?
-Hey, Mrs. Chandler.
Please let me offer you
some Halloween punch.
Oh, no, thank you.
That's very kind.
But the driver's waiting for me,
so...
Oh, he can wait a few more
minutes.
He really does need to go, Liz.
Of course, he does.
What else is new?
Come on in, Bobby take a seat.
Sure, why not?
- Here, take this.
- What?
- Just f*cking take it.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Mm.
Mm.
Looks like you guys
scored tonight.
Oh.
We bought all that.
We debated
whether this was the year
to venture out,
but he's so young.
Still plenty of kids came over,
and as you can see,
we really got
into the Halloween spirit.
Well, that was delicious.
Thank you.
I thought we agreed
it would stay in the holster,
Ken.
It did.
Then why is it out?
Okay, please don't tell me--
Stevie didn't lay a finger
on it, all right?
It was me.
I did it.
Why would you do that?
Actually, it was-- it was me.
I asked to take a look at it.
It just reminded me
of a toy g*n
I had when I was a kid.
Well, I don't want any g*ns
in the house.
Not even toy ones.
I figured we could make
an exception for just one night.
-I know.
-But maybe that was a mistake.
No.
Oh, you know what?
Here.
-Oh, take it.
-Take it.
Have fun with that.
Thank you.
Get the f*ck outta here.
Yeah, and you should be ecstatic
that I gave any tip at all,
because you gave me a 12-ounce
passion fruit La Croix
when I ordered
a 24-ounce tangerine Perrier.
Do you like passion fruit?
Oh.
Hey, hon.
Okay.
Well, um, did you tell them
that we're not getting
a divorce?
I missed-- I missed
two dinners.
I can't, I can't, I got...
Can you help me?
Why would you think you...
No, not unless Nana magically
taught you
Reverse Morris Trust math.
All right,
I'll see you guys later.
Yeah, I'll sleep in the...
...the guest room,
so I don't wake you up again.
All right, I love you.
f*ck!
This is Adesh.
How may I help you?
Hey, it's Bobby Sanders.
Tibet's the best we can do?
You're referring
to the analysis?
Yes, your analysis.
I asked for the numbers on
Chinese thermal coal imports,
not Tibetian-ese.
Tibetan.
Tibet is an actual importer
of U.S. coal, Mr. Sanders.
Chinese thermal coal imports
from the U.S.
is what I asked for.
They're meager figures, sir,
as I laid out in the report
I sent you this evening.
93.3 percent
of China's coal imports
come from four country.
Australia, Indonesia,
Mongolia, and Russia.
Less than 2 percent
are American I'm afraid to say.
But Tibet's a different story.
As China consumes more coal
and exports less
to countries like Tibet,
Tibet is being forced to look
elsewhere for its coal imports.
And that includes the U.S.
Hence, my report, Mr. Sanders.
Hey, Adesh.
We're about to take our client's
American thermal coal
company public
I understand that.
So, what is it you would like me
to do exactly?
We need to show
that they have a market upside
beyond a third-world country
with half of Rhode Island's GDP.
Yes, I see.
And uh, I wish
I could provide you
with a bigger market
for our client's coal exports,
but I'm afraid I can't
in this instance.
Mr. Sanders?
We need to show that China
is the market for their coal,
not Tibet.
But that would be inaccurate.
If Adesh had been born here
in the States instead of Mumbai,
he would be running this bank.
But instead, he's running
analysis for assholes like me.
He is good at his job.
I just need to be better
at mine.
You said that Chinese thermal
coal consumption was increasing.
At what rate?
10 percent, year over year.
Try to say that U.S. coal
exports to China will increase
at 10 percent annually, too.
Not necessarily.
As I mentioned, the U.S.
is not a major exporter.
Not yet.
It would be misleading
to say otherwise.
But not necessarily wrong.
No matter what Adesh says,
our offering prospectus
will say that U.S. thermal coal
has huge upside in China.
Technically, if we disclose it
in the footnotes,
it's not necessarily lying.
And that's assuming
that any investors
actually read the footnotes.
Tibet has five airports.
Fly into Lhasa Gonggar,
and you get a bird's eye view
of Mount Everest.
Talking to guys like Adesh
gets you daydreaming
about going somewhere exotic.
Not like I'll ever book
any flights,
but going through the motions
makes it all feel possible.
This guy escaped for real.
Hendrix. Walked in one day,
called it quits.
All sorts of theatrics.
The place can drive some
a little nuts.
Made him a legend.
Gifford's the staffer.
Avoid at all costs.
He assigns work
even when you can't keep up
with what you already have.
So, you do your best
to look busy which rarely works.
Especially when there's a new
deal on the horizon.
That means later nights
and even more f*cked-up
weekends.
You think you can f*ck
with Farouk, my friend?
Never.
Absolutely not--
I'm no son of a shoe.
Lev-Fin did not meet
on Project Falcon last night.
You want to be fired?
Farouk, are you accusing me
of lying?
Sanders.
Gifford, hey.
What's up?
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Yeah, sure.
Why would I do that?
To steal my charger.
- It's gone?
- Yes.
Someone took it while I was out
looking for that meeting.
Well, maybe
it was your manservant.
Manservant?
No, Peng is a tailor.
My tailor.
And he's a loyal
and honorable subject
acquired by my father
decades ago.
He would never do such a thing.
Unlike you.
Well, it wasn't me.
And as for Lev-Fin,
I may have made a mistake.
And if so, I'm sorry.
But if you wanna have me fired
for looking out for you,
then so be it.
You would be doing me
a huge favor.
You're lucky I'm merciful, bro.
Peng bicep.
Come.
Private measurements now.
Have a seat, Sanders.
Hey.
We got some bad news, Bobby.
And some good news.
Chandler's dead.
What?
He smashed his car
into a lamppost
on his way to the train station
this morning.
Lucky for him, he probably
never saw it coming.
He was reviewing
the pitch deck at the time.
b*stard was still clutching it
in his hands
when they pulled him
out of the wreckage.
f*ck' imagine.
You know, I had a meeting
with the client.
Number two guy at the firm
scheduled for this morning.
They've been alerted.
And of course,
everything's been postponed
on Project Swallowtail.
Oh, it's Project Monarch.
The client picked the name.
It's his daughter's
favorite butterfly.
Was her favorite.
First-grade field trip
to the f*cking
botanical garden changed things.
So, are pencils down
on Project Swallowtail?
God, no.
Pencils are very much up.
He's dead. Deal's not.
And since you know
the project best,
we're leaning on you
to make sure
everything stays on track.
Good opportunity
for you, Sanders.
Assuming you're up for it.
Yeah.
Absolutely. Yeah.
The deal will be a good b*llet
on your rsum.
So, uh...
so, what's the good news?
You said you had some good news.
Yeah, there's some great news.
We found a bunch
of busts in the deck.
The good news is we have time
to fix 'em.
- We?
- Yeah.
Masterson's done a ton
of work in the sector.
So, you're taking over
from Chandler?
At our chairman's request.
They're the biggest player
in the industry, Bob.
Which is why we need
to impress them.
Important piece of business
for our franchise.
And the league tables.
So, taking Betty
off the project.
But she's my analyst.
She was holding the pen
on the model the whole time.
She's not client-ready.
Her work has left
a lot to be desired.
How so?
Half the EBITDAs
on the comp set were stale.
Multiples weren't tying.
And I wasn't crazy about
the color palette she used.
Yeah.
That's on me.
No, no, no, no.
No need to protect her.
Those were my mistakes.
Not the color palette.
But the EBITDAs...
I made 'em up.
-Hard-coded them--
-Made 'em up?
-Pulled 'em out of my a*s.
-Out of your a*s?
Yeah.
That's funny.
-You pulled 'em out of your a*s?
-Yeah.
That's funny.
That's funny.
She'll be fine.
Staffed her on a new M&A deal.
Thank God,
she can be somebody else's
problem now.
So, who's replacing her?
No one, you'll be running the
process.
Just you and me now, Sanders.
Lot of wood to chop.
As my illegally immigrated
Mexican cousin might say,
"This is totally f*cked."
Yeah, what a way
to kick the can.
I mean, sure, I don't know
about the accident,
but Bob out here has spent
two years on Chandler's book.
He's gonna have to start
all over again.
Chandler was his ticket
to the top,
and now, he's dust, literally.
Don't remind me.
Oh, that.
I mean, the accident
was pretty f*cked, too.
All right what about Abernathy?
-Maybe he's the ticket.
-Nice guy.
He's not gonna go to bat
for anybody.
-So, it's Masterson.
-f*ck.
Guy's got associates practically
jumping out of windows.
Windows on the 44th floor
don't open.
I've checked.
People are saying his car
went up in flames.
You don't think
there'd be an open casket,
do you?
Well, what does it matter?
It's not like any of us
are going to his wake.
Yeah, but his family is.
He had a kid, didn't he?
Yeah.
He did.
Are you for serious?
If you put these up,
you deserve to be hit
with 60 shoes.
I wish.
That is genius.
You know, the flyer says
there's a reward.
You might wanna specify
the amount.
It could supercharge
the search.
You're mocking me, my friend.
I was not, but now, I am.
One would be a fool
to f*ck with Farouk!
Most definitely run
a foul f*cking with Farouk.
One would be a fool.
Who would be...
f*ck it.
Jack, be better.
My father will bury you people.
-All right, you ready to go?
-Yeah.
Abernathy roadshow, okay.
Are we saying China or Tibet?
We're saying all of Asia,
my man.
All right.
Farouk, to be continued.
And I promise I will keep
an eye out for your charger.
I want that reward.
Say, you say you did find
this charger, Farouk.
Any money in it for real?
Are you actually looking
to be fired, my friend?
Oh, I'm dead serious.
Gold-plated monogram's worth
like 50 bucks, right?
Fifty?
This cost me 15,000!
What?
You don't wanna do the IPO?
Look, all we're saying, Tom,
is let's take a beat.
All right?
Think about the alternatives.
Market's sh*t.
All right. We try to go public,
and we're trading
over the counter
on the pink sheets.
The market's sh*t one day,
it's not sh*t the other.
That has no bearing
on our offering.
But we go public now
and no one buys it,
what's the point? All right?
Our goal right now
is to shore up our cash reserves
'cause we're strapped.
Tell me, you got any possibility
that we could sell ourselves
to one of the big majors?
The market won't buy
synergies with a strategic,
financial buyer
will come in,
rationalize headcount,
and sell you for pieces.
Gentlemen, we can sit here
and we can talk direct listings,
we can talk SPACs,
we can talk
any flavor-of-the-week vehicle
you wish, but the fact remains.
An IPO is your best way
to access capital markets
in this environment.
If we recommend these guys
sell themselves, our bank
won't be involved in the deal.
Thus, no fees.
Translation.
In order to make money,
Abernathy needs them to IPO.
But fees
and Abernathy's personal
career development aside,
these guys are spot-on.
An IPO in this environment
makes no f*cking sense.
Bobby, why don't you opine
as to why now
is the perfect time
to bring these guys public?
One word.
- Solar.
- Son, you're confused.
Our business is coal.
No.
No, not just coal.
Thermal coal,
which to most people
sounds like another word.
Cancer.
And you're right. No one wants
anything to do with that.
Especially not investors.
-You got nerve.
-Hey, hear him out.
Gentlemen, our pitch
is to rebrand you
as a solar royalty company.
Mm.
That dog won't hunt.
A forward-thinking company
who plans to use the cash
generated from its thermal coal
to build solar panels
on reclaimed land
that it already owns
and already mined.
Not just a royalty play,
but green royalties.
IPOs are about buzz,
razzle-dazzle.
You show the company's evolving,
investors will latch on.
Hey, one problem,
Jim Bob Jumpback.
We ain't going solar.
No one said you had to.
Just that you plan to.
And you think the investors
will buy that we're evolving,
huh?
Plenty of precedent.
Danny boy?
Gentlemen, it's such
a lovely day outside.
Mm.
I only wish that
we're sitting by a pool,
perhaps,
instead of in this meeting.
Thinking about great literature.
Perhaps I had a--
a book to read.
Books?
Oh.
Where did I get this amazing
piece of literature?
A little company called
"Amazon" .
Do you remember
when they only sold books?
Books! I mean, come on.
Today, the majority
of their revenue
comes from web services.
A little thing we like to call
the "cloud" .
Solar, speaking of a nice day,
requires land.
Massive footprint.
And you guys
have that in spades.
He's not wrong.
We'll throw a million bucks
at McKinsey,
whip up an ESG report.
And what do you think
we'll trade? Four or five times?
Yeah...
if you were just another miner.
But with a solar future,
I'd say...
...three turns higher.
Oh, seven handle easy.
Let's not forget, gentlemen,
the key stakeholder here
is Mother Earth.
Your best path forward
is an IPO.
Renewables analyst
is top rated on the street.
He's got you covered.
He'll throw a strong buy
on the name.
Well...
...giddy up.
All right!
Let's hit the road and sell it.
No idea we had so much upside
in Asia.
No way Chandler k*lled himself.
How can you be so sure?
Come on. He was f*cking
Chandler.
This job f*ck with you, man.
Maybe it got to him.
as*h*le MDs. Fellow as*h*le MDs.
as*h*le clients. Not you guys.
Lots of people
have stressful jobs.
They're not driving their cars
into lampposts on purpose.
I don't think he was happy.
Who is?
If he did k*ll himself,
there's plenty
of other possible reasons.
Like what?
He was over-leveraged.
He gambled too much.
His smoke show wife found
his stash of his kiddie porn.
-Come on. We all have secrets.
-I knew him.
He wasn't the kiddie porn type.
Still not buying burnout.
Myth.
Like Bigfoot.
Or my mother's love.
What about Hendrix?
f*cking Hendrix, man.
Like, the job drove him crazy.
Literally.
Hendrix was next level.
Smartest finance guy I know.
He's probably buying up
gold mines in Peru as we speak.
And he just did that sh*t to--
to-- to create buzz.
I mean, we're talking
about him, aren't we?
With substantial organic
growth opportunities ahead,
here's an overview of several
projects underway.
Deep mine 53's estimated
production is one
to 1.2 million metric tons
per year, starting in Q1.
Where Branch Fork 42's
estimated production is--
Irrelevant.
Hmm?
Well, in case you guys
haven't heard,
the world is running.
No, it's actually sprinting away
from fossil fuels
including coal.
I mean, investing in it now
seems as smart as investing
in an abacus production.
Yeah.
But this is more
of a solar royalty plan.
Right. Right. Yes.
I've read the deck.
How the plan is to reinvest
coal into solar panels.
Right.
I plan to lose 10 pounds
next month.
I also plan to up
my meditation game,
so that I can be nicer
to my ex-husband.
I also plan to...
...Bradley Cooper.
Okay. So, planning aside,
why don't you look
at what they're doing right now?
Which is mining lots of coal
at low cost.
Great.
- I invest for the future.
- Good.
'Cause this company
is uniquely positioned for it.
Danny.
Just paid down their debt
with no legacy liabilities.
They go public.
Execute on their roadmap.
They become an even more
attractive buyout target
for a major player like
Peabody.
You cash out,
invite Bradley Cooper
over for a low-carb dinner
at your new chalet in Aspen
where you share the divine joys
of tantric meditation.
Do you practice?
I'm on my way
around the red tantra.
I prefer more of a pink myself.
Whatever floats your chakra.
In the end, your ex-husband
cries
into his unenlightened pillow.
I like that part.
Being nice is uh--
is overrated.
So is a slick pitch.
I think the tree
would like you to have a seat.
We're done here.
They are sitting
on high-quality coal mines.
- So you say.
- No.
He does.
Best geologist
in the coal business.
And I know his word
means something to you.
I read how you operate.
When you were investing
in traditional energy
to build your first fund,
you drove all through
the back roads of Texas,
speaking to wildcatters,
not financial analysts.
Why?
Because my daddy
is a wildcatter from Midland.
And he always says
that you take a wildcatter
at his word.
Especially one from West Texas.
Cline.
Where'd you say you played
high school football again?
At Kermit High.
Two-time 3A Winkler County
champs, West Texas.
Allstate safety my senior year.
So, I'd say...
...you can take this Texan
at his word, too.
Allstate senior year, Cline?
Bunch of malarkey.
Honorable mention.
I've got the yearbook.
We'd have given you a lickin'.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hell of a save in there, Bobby.
Yeah, I thought
we were dead for sure.
Now, let's hope
this IPO works out.
I like our odds.
That's just not sales talk,
is it?
No, I mean, Gemma's got one
of the biggest energy funds
in the industry.
So if she bites,
this will be over-subscribed.
Easy.
Bobby! A word.
You're interested?
I'm definitely intrigued.
- Good.
- Good.
I'm available
for any follow-ups.
Wonderful.
'Cause I'd like to get to know
you a little bit better, too.
Me?
Yes.
We're gonna bring on
some new people
here at the fund.
And I think you might
be a very good fit.
Maybe meet later?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Good.
I'll have my office set it up.
Nice touch.
Now, watch me go.
You have to take this Gemma job.
You'd never have to worry
about money.
How is some hedge fund sh*t
gonna be any different
to this sh*t?
Buy side.
Junior banker's wet dream.
You have all the power.
Here's my wet dream.
Just sent you a link.
"The four funds have combined
over 15 billion
under management."
So, you figure 2 percent
management fee.
Wow.
Pesticide industry merger.
Who needs Viagra?
Page 17.
"22 percent annualized returns."
Plus, you know
she uses leverage.
Imagine if you had
carry in the funds.
Yeah and still spending my
nights
fumbling around Excel
and PowerPoint.
Not to mention my nightly
fireside chats with Adesh.
Can I see
your acquisition target?
I take it by the sounds,
you'd like to start KYC
on the name?
These PE guys won't stop
chasing me.
- Can you convince 'em--
- Use your Bs.
They're chasing me. I can't--
Use your Bs.
Huh?
If you combine
with the buy side, use three Bs,
bifurcation, backwardation,
and Bal Harbor.
If you use the three Bs
in the conversation,
they can't...
Harbor Miami?
Joan wanted to vacation there.
It's like, $500 dollars an hour
to park in a...
My name has three Bs.
Smart. A mnemonic device.
That's not mnemonic, numbnuts.
Yes, it is, f*ck.
sh*t, Gemma is asking times
to meet.
Oh, you got a little--
Yeah. Got it off there.
Chandler's markup.
-Chandler's.
-Recovered from the wreck.
Turn his comments and mine.
Tick and tie.
Scrub the numbers this time.
Check if they have any NOLs.
Market update for today's close.
Swap my photo for his
on the team page.
If there's room,
you can add yours.
Also, make sure to add our
Asian M&A guys to the team page.
Need to show
we're a global franchise.
We don't have an Asian
M&A group.
Check the company database
for some Asian people
and put them on there.
Three of 'em.
And Sanders, resend
the 7:00 a.m. dial-in info.
I can't find it in my inbox.
Can't tell me Gemma's phone
isn't looking
a lot better right now.
f*cking fascists.
You don't know
what that means, do you?
f*ck.
I did k*ll him.
Ah. Mouche.
It's French for fly, right?
I always remember that one
'cause it rhymes
with fermer la bouche.
Oh.
Shut your mouth.
That's about the extent
of my French.
What about you?
I minored it in college.
So, I've got a little bit more.
I'm an excellent
conversationalist in English,
though.
Throw out any subject.
Okay.
Aluminum siding.
Why don't we talk about vinyl?
I can do much better
with vinyl.
Or spot me, Steel.
I've been workshopping
a whole bit.
Michelle.
Hi.
Did you receive those pending
patents I emailed you?
Yes, thank you so much.
Are you new to pesticides?
I am.
It's good to get in now.
As my father often says,
"It's a big growth industry."
He'd know.
He bought me a pesticide plant.
And if you need
those translated,
I'll be happy to help
however I can.
She's probably good, Farouk.
French minor in college.
Ah.
Thanks.
Oh, and maybe I could hear
that steel siding bit sometime?
Yeah, I would--
I would love that.
Jack, I gotta get
on her pesticide deal.
Well, what if he puts me on it?
He won't.
I can't handle another staffing.
I'm here every night.
Joan will divorce me for real,
or worse, buy another valance.
Gifford knows
you're way busier than I am.
So, that's why we suggest you
and not somebody else,
so he staffs me and not you.
Blow it.
Jack, Jack.
If he receives an email
from Farouk
suggesting only me
as his replacement,
then, of course,
he's gonna know I'm behind it.
I can't hack
Farouk's email password.
f*ck.
It's probably some famous
movie line.
I know.
I've tried a bunch.
"Coffee's for closers."
"You complete me."
Try, "I'm gonna put my nutsack
on your drum set."
It's gotta be eight
to 16 characters.
Okay! Plan B.
We're just--
we're just gonna have to find
a way to get the password
from Farouk.
How?
We-- we pretend that we're IT.
Can you do a fake accent?
- Fake accent?
- Yeah, yeah.
You're gonna have to disguise
your voice.
You know,
like when you tell your wife
that you love her,
or her parents.
-Nana.
-What?
It's not a fake accent.
It's a different octave,
like a higher pitch.
Okay, but she hasn't divorced
you yet, has she?
No.
It could be worth a try.
Great.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on.
This is your mom, okay?
Okay.
Jack, huh?
Let's go.
This is Farouk.
Farouk, it's, uh...
it's Dwayne in IT.
Are you calling
about my charger?
No! No, no, no, no.
We're just--
we're just doing some, uh,
some tech stuff, and uh, we--
we just need your, uh,
email password.
Sorry, who are you again?
Dwayne in IT--
Jack, are you trying
to sabotage this?
If I could lie,
I'd have an affair!
Step aside! I got it.
Farouk.
This is--
this is Dwayne's manager.
Vladin.
We are experiencing an escalated
tier three systems
upgrade emergency.
I do not know what that means.
Your email is compromised
and infected, possibly,
with malware.
So, we're going to need
immediate access.
Wouldn't Ihave my email password?
Yes, but our server is corrupt.
But it is forbidden
to give out our passwords.
We were told
it is a one-strike policy.
That was made quite clear
during orientation--
By us! By us! Okay?
And I want you to know
you're wasting valuable time.
Okay? I need you to do
exactly as I say.
Now, if you refuse to cooperate,
we're going to have to start
deleting your files.
But I am not refusing
to cooperate--
Which could include photos,
correspondence,
your screenplays.
Wait! I haven't backed those up.
Do not F with Farouk.
That is my password.
All caps, one word
with an exclamation
point at the end.
Thank-- thank you.
And thank you
for your cooperation.
-f*ck, yes!
-Yeah!
We are in! We are in!
Hey, Michelle, here we come.
Okay.
Are you okay with this?
No!
Sounds good.
Are you for serious?
Why would I have asked
to be taken off
this pesticide deal I've been
working on for five months?
You sent me an email
requesting I restaff it,
and I did.
You should be grateful
I was able to.
I never sent such a thing.
Someone hacked my account!
Farouk, there's no evidence
anyone has done
anything with it. None.
They sent this email,
didn't they?
Look, I restaffed it.
Since Jack
doesn't have capacity,
I staffed Bobby
like you suggested.
But I did not suggest it.
I own the pesticide plant.
My father says this deal
will provide me
with excellent experience.
You know, countdown prices
have raised
to 70 dollars per short time?
Hey, Farouk.
I'm happy to bite
the b*llet on this one,
but let's not make a habit
out of it, okay?
Peng, my mandarin.
Why wasn't this pre-peeled?
Do I have to do all this work?
I'm sorry?
Can I help you?
Bobby.
Filling in for Farouk.
Well, do you have the updated
football field?
Farouk was wrapping it up.
I asked for a 5 percent
haircut on the downside case
and 50 bps of margin
expansion on the upside.
Right.
Maybe we should just call
Farouk.
I don't exactly know
what's going on here.
I got the football field.
Oh. Great.
You wanna present it then?
Football field...
is a, uh, presentation
of the valuation methodologies,
public comps, DCF,
downside, inside out.
How about the cow dung
spot prices skyrocket?
We all know
what a football field is.
We just need the numbers.
He's a bit foggy.
We were going over
the football field
late last night...
...for the steel siding
addendum.
-What's that?
-New SEC reg.
I haven't heard of it.
Wrote a memo on it.
I can recirculate it,
or go over it now if you'd like.
Just the football field.
You'll have it by tonight.
Along with the rest
of the closing appendices.
Right?
-Right.
-Mm-hmm.
Yes, right.
Steel siding addendum.
File, too.
Yeah, I just want
the football field tonight.
Tonight.
You got it.
Great.
Where were we
on the fairness opinion?
I was thinking we could do
some number-crunching
and legal scrivening
tonight if you're free.
Your cubicle or mine?
Please find attached
updated football field
and closing appendices.
Your to-do list?
That is a reminder that I'm not
alone here.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- It's comforting.
- Mm.
Sort of.
I could use a drink.
Bars are probably closed.
I do know a place.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh!
Did you see that?
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Very doable.
You think? Let's see it.
No, no. Heels.
I should make you a drink first.
No, you're stalling.
Get concussed or worse...
Die?
No one's ever died
playing horse.
Mm.
You're a hustler, aren't you?
-A horse hustler?
-Yeah.
Don't I have to pretend to
suck first
in order to be a hustler?
And then I school you?
Sorry, can you let me
tell my joke,
so I can just charm you?
Oh, yes. No, yeah. Continue.
I lost it now.
You're probably too busy
getting your butt kicked
in hockey to have time
to play horse.
How'd you know I play?
I can tell by the way you walk.
You sorta waddle.
Bow-legged.
Wow. Really?
No. Well, yeah, you walk funny.
But the background of your phone
is you in your hockey gear.
Do you miss it?
I miss losing myself
in something.
I mean, I'm f*cking lost
all day here,
but I miss-- I'm never lost
in what I'm doing, you know?
That's exactly how I felt
on the basketball court
in college.
Sometimes, I think that
part of me died
when I stopped playing.
Yeah, I'm full of insights
like that.
You know, sometimes
you have to make your own break.
Like scheming your way
onto a pesticides merger.
No, the crop protection sector
is growing 30 percent--
No, stop. You sound like Farouk.
Yeah.
He hates this gig, too.
He's biding his time,
so he can sell
his pesticide plant
and start making movies.
You know what,
I actually envy the guy.
- What?
- Yeah.
He's maybe actually found
the thing that he loves to do.
The only thing worse
than doing a job you hate
is doing one
that you can just scrape by on.
You really are full
of insights, huh?
That one was highly unoriginal.
That's just something
I heard a guy say
at a graduation speech
once on YouTube.
I'd really like to own
my own WNBA team.
Back home in the Midwest.
-No sh*t.
-Yeah.
But law is a decent
holding pattern.
We'll figure it out.
And until we both figure it out,
you, sir, still have H-O-R-S.
I need to sink this
to stay alive.
f*ck.
-Looks like I lost.
-Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm telling you.
No, no, no, no.
She wouldn't stop.
No, she's blabbing
about equity kickers.
You know, like,
"Oh, this is right
out of the KKR playbook."
And I'm like, "I wanna see you
on my bed,
not on my cap tables."
Look, I gotta jump. All right?
My lunch date just arrived.
Axl McGee.
-How are you? Good?
-Yeah, yeah, good.
Great. Sit down.
So-- so you work with Gemma?
Well, LP of hers.
Advise a few family offices,
a couple big shops
on the street.
- Yeah, is she joining?
- Is she on her way?
No, it's just us. Just us.
She mentioned the IPO
that you're underwriting.
Said you're a real
thought leader
in the energy space.
Her words.
Well, if she says so.
Brave man,
taking any energy company
public these days.
You're familiar
with the energy sector?
Enough to be dangerous.
Yeah.
So, we're talking
the lowest cost,
largest U.S. coal producer in--
How do you get comfortable
with pure-play coal?
You know what I mean, like--
You know, uh...
Use your Bs.
Huh?
When you're in a bind
with the buy side,
use your three Bs.
Backwardation. Backwardation.
Backwardation.
The coal market is floating
with backwardation.
Spot prices are surging.
Forward curve is steepening--
You know something?
I took Western Coal public,
I don't know, eight years ago.
I'm dating myself here.
They just filed for Chapter 11
for the second time.
Use the three Bs.
Bifurcation. Bifurcation.
Bifurcation.
The market is bifurcated.
So, met coal is--
is not economic to mine.
Of course. But we're talking
about low cost,
thermal coal production
with a solar royalty potential.
Right?
So, what better inflation
hedge than a low-cost
commodity player
with a green future?
Greenwashing.
Love it.
Hmm.
Gentlemen,
what can I get for you?
Chopped herb salad san farro.
- Okay?
- Gluten allergy?
Intolerant.
So like a protein?
Only if it's wild caught.
You're in luck.
Our Copper River King salmon
looks excellent today.
Long as it's poached.
Gotta love
the specialized order.
Holding this, poaching that,
it's all just a power play.
The kind of guy who uses
the no-as*h*le rule when hiring
even though you know
he's a total as*h*le himself.
Red sea bream looks good.
Coming up.
Bal Harbor.
You work these three Bs
in the conversation...
You know you haven't had real
red sea bream unless you go
to Atlantikos in, uh...
Slap me in the g*dd*mn face.
Bal Harbor!
Whoo!
Mm.
So, I'm on this breakaway,
right?
And I'm shouting, screaming
the German word for rebound.
Because I know
my left winger's is trailing me.
-Rebound.
-No. It's...
Pull up the hat.
Goalie goes down.
You're onto this huge rebound.
He's Czech.
And you know what the Czeck word
for rebound is, right?
-No.
-Neither do I.
Oh my God.
Well, look, I gotta run.
I'd love to get eyes
on that IPO material.
All right.
Real pleasure
meeting you, Bobby.
Yeah, likewise. You got it.
Bobby!
Impressive.
Axl must really like you.
I already got a text.
You've been here
this whole time.
Long enough for me to see
what I had to.
And what was that?
How well you make friends!
Oh, you have this whole hobnob
thing down, don't you?
I could use that.
Just think of it.
No more incessant
pitch deck revisions.
No Excel models.
Just...
just this.
You create an experience.
Something the client
will remember, a story to tell.
Therein lies your power.
Then you'd pay me for that.
More money than you know
what to do with.
Guys like Axl, they just--
they can invest anywhere,
but they'll do it with me
in exchange for the privilege
of hanging out with you.
That sounds a little sad.
I guess I get it.
So, what's next?
I'll let you know.
Oh, I have house in Montauk.
It's open most weekends.
It's all yours.
God, it's scorching out.
Are you as hot as I am?
Oh.
You mind?
You know, you might
really suck at horse, but...
You could have a very bright
future at this.
Well, you know,
I was the two-time
all-American lotion applicator.
Mm?
Okay, fine. Honorable mention.
What's the secret?
Soft touch.
Make sure to use
the whole surface area.
And...
...take your time.
Am I making it hard for you
not to pick up your phone?
So hard you have no idea.
I think I might.
Your phone broke?
Got a little wet.
Short-circuited the--
the chip, I think.
Don't disappear.
Not on my time.
Won't happen again.
You know,
prior to taking over this deal,
I heard a lot about you,
Sanders, from Chandler.
Big fan of yours. Big fan.
Had a massive hard-on for you.
Said you had a sharp pencil.
Which is why I can't explain
how f*cking terrible this is.
I can tackle that again.
Let's not boil the ocean here.
These are simple decks.
You tell 'em
what you're gonna tell 'em,
you tell 'em, then you tell 'em
what you just told 'em.
I'm happy to change
whatever you want.
That would mean all of it.
The whole damn thing.
But maybe I'm wrong.
You know,
I've only been at this job,
what, 25-some-odd years?
I could be wrong. I'm not.
It's just math.
Math?
They teach adding
and subtracting
in business school, right?
Okay, good.
Now, it's time
for a little refresher.
Just-- just really quick.
We'll start with page one.
Who is the dyslectic
behind this work of art?
Your executive summary,
which summarizes
one thing excellently.
Your inability to summarize
anything.
Now, stay with me, Bobby.
Are you with me?
Bobby? Bobby?
Stay with me. Thank you.
Section two.
Now, companies in this sector
trade at price to tangible book.
At least they did
in the two decades
that I covered them.
But you decided to show
P.E. multiples here,
which means you must know
something
the rest of
the industry doesn't.
Shh! I won't tell them,
'cause it's f*cking bullshit.
Multiple on the Barick deal
looks wrong.
The company just filed
their 8-K.
I double-checked
with Equity Research.
They confirmed it was correct.
It just looks wrong!
Fix it!
And how the hell did you come up
with this number?
I can't see
what you're looking at.
Let me just, um...
let me just--
I'm gonna circle it for you,
so you can see it.
You wanna see it?
Just this number.
You're right. Uh, yeah.
Just hang on a second.
See it there? See that number?
I backed into it.
Oh, okay. Backed into it.
Okay, great.
That there. Save that for later.
Section three. Sum of the parts.
Now, on this page,
the page you made here,
you made that with your
little fingers, didn't you?
This says that if the company
divests its dogshit assets,
that the RemainCo will trade
at a discount to SpinCo.
You should be proud
of yourself for this one.
Now, this really takes the cake.
Yeah, he's trying to
intimidate me.
But even he doesn't know
what the deck
is supposed to show.
As long as he keeps me
confused and lost,
I'm the fall guy for
when sh*t goes south.
My only hope to unfuck this mess
is to decipher those notes.
It's like a toddler did it!
It's stifling in here!
- You sick?
- No. No.
Get out. Get out.
The Seahawks are in town.
I am not missing them,
because of you.
The dust in the vents.
It's blowing dust up my nose.
I have allergies!
- Get out. Get out!
- Between the valuation
and the sum of the parts,
any preference
on which I prioritize?
Pull the f*cking doors!
Sandy, get my oil of oregano!
f*ck!
f*cking dirty-a*s millennial.
f*cking frick!
f*ck!
f*ck!
f*ck!
You think these pages are bad?
Well, the ones that give you
nightmares are these.
I don't even know
which way is up or down.
Voice memos.
Everything they say
goes in here.
Figure it out later.
No more tape or Elmer's.
Genius.
Adesh,
what are we looking at here?
I'm uncertain, Mr. Sanders.
You're uncertain?
It could be a six or an eight.
Does either one
make more sense than the other?
I'll see if I can confer
with some of my colleagues
who have also had extensive
experience in dealing
with Mr. Masterson's notes.
f*cking nested if statements.
SOS, my model just reffed out.
Oh, sucks to be you.
This is true friendship.
Turn your search switch off
and then on again. Look.
f*ck' dandruff
in my bald spot.
Gracias, Danny deal-flow.
f*ck you, Excel.
It's okay, buddy.
It's gonna be okay.
Come, come, Bobby.
Welcome.
Do you meditate?
-Not really.
-Do you breathe?
-Breathe?
-Yeah.
I want you to breathe
with me, Bobby.
And I want you to think
about the fire,
red, red, red down
in your undercarriage. Right?
-Right.
-Yes.
And out.
Do you have a dog, Bobby?
We did, growing up.
Yeah, her name was Annie.
Yeah.
Oh, did you have to put her
down?
We did actually.
She had these stomach issues.
Max here has cancer.
Best-case scenario,
a few months.
Oh!
But the vet says
that he could be in agony
for most of it.
He won't be Max.
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, the vet wants us
to put him down.
But I'm not so sure
that he shouldn't, you know,
die a natural death.
What do you think?
I think that it's not my place
to say.
I made it your place to say.
Say, Bobby!
I would put him down.
Even if my heart
wants him to live out
whatever natural days...
...he has left?
I think that I would rather
keep the good memories.
I want you to come
work for me, Bobby.
I know you have a few months
left
before you get your bonuses,
so see the IPO through.
Then you and I get together
after.
Work together.
- Sounds great.
- Okay.
Just don't f*ck up
anything at the bank.
Don't burn any bridges.
Namaste, Bobby.
Namaste.
Bobby, your nether regions
are on fire.
You can go.
I'm good.
- So, I set out to take
- Gemma's advice.
I just needed to hold it
together for a few final months.
Success in banking
isn't so much doing stuff right
as it is not f*cking it up
too badly.
So, that became my goal.
Michelle and I kept our thing
going, and going, and going.
Things were even looking up
for Danny,
who had a hair specialist
diagnose his bald spot.
Turns out, the stress
of thinking he had a bald spot
had actually caused one.
The doctor prescribed
weekly sessions of hot yoga
as a stress reliever
which got Danny back on track.
And despite all his initial
trouble with RMT math,
Jack became a whiz at it,
giving unsolicited tutorials
to whoever would listen.
The kind of guy
he once made fun of.
Bobby horsecock.
Everything was right
in the universe.
Until it all felt
as up for grabs.
Abernathy's imaginary downhill
three-footer for a triple bogey.
What are we doing for lunch?
It's a push, not a pull.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Grab a seat.
Okay.
Do you remember how I told you
I wanted to own my own
WNBA team?
-Yes.
-Well...
You're buying the Starzz.
Funny.
No.
But you are looking
at their new general counsel.
What?
-Michelle, that's amazing.
-Shh! I'm not done yet.
So, the owner of the Starzz
also happens to own
his own minor league
hockey team.
And they are looking
for a new general manager.
So, naturally, I pitched them
the best candidate.
Between your playing
and your business experience,
you'd be amazing.
I had no idea what to say.
I think Farouk is looking
for material
for his next screenplay.
He's got his dictaphone out.
Pretend to work.
That's something I'm good at.
Hello?
You have my charger?
Reward?
Now listen to me,
you son of a dog.
If you-- no, wait, wait, wait.
I'll pay you whatever you want.
I am on my way.
Hey!
I told him meet me
on Pearl Street.
Where were we?
GM job is bait to suck you
right into marriage.
Gemma's job is easy street.
Bullshitting all day with LPs.
You carry in her funds.
He's gonna be just as miserable
there as he is here.
Miserable?
Joan emailed me
a calendar invite
to her C-section.
You're three times
over-subscribed.
Well, a lot of hard-working
people were counting on us
to execute this IPO.
And we have you
to thank for it.
I'm just happy it worked out.
And thank Gemma, too.
I mean, none of this would have
been possible without her.
How much is she in for?
Let me check.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm just gonna call you back.
Hello, Bobby.
You're f*cking them on the IPO.
No!
I'm shorting them.
Sustainability funds
are all the rage these days.
I-- I do what you advise, Bobby.
You gotta lead with your brain.
Not with your heart.
Coal's dying.
I'm just putting it
out of its misery.
We sent over
employment contracts.
Haven't gotten them
back yet, Bobby.
I haven't gotten time
to read it yet.
Whenever you get time.
f*ck! f*ck! What'd I do?
f*ck! f*ck!
If you don't sign it, I'm gonna.
Did you see the base salary?
Pull.
Money isn't everything.
Bullshit.
Money buys you everything
that's not money.
Freedom, most of all.
After a few years, you cash out,
go live on a beach or a yacht.
Not a big water guy.
Buy your own mountain.
Carve your face in it.
Ah! Why would I want a mountain?
I just have a few scenarios
to work through, okay?
Like whether you pick
the hot girlfriend and GM job
or this hedge fund job
I'd k*ll for?
Yeah.
-f*ck you.
-f*ck you!
You have two legitimate outs
and you're bitching about it.
I'm not trying to be a d*uche.
Yeah, yeah, you are.
I'm just trying
not to f*ck up my life.
Dude, we all f*ck it up
eventually.
Hey, it's Bobby.
My office now.
f*ck.
Oh. It's that bad?
Yeah, he's probably gonna
tear up the deck
and make me start again.
Or maybe he's finally
gonna give me the axe.
Did you know bonuses
are forthcoming.
And it got me thinking.
What are bonuses, Bobby?
I mean, what do they signify
really? I'll tell you.
They're an honest-to-God
assessment of one's value.
- That's what they are.
- Look.
I know I haven't been on top
of my game
these past few months.
The Chandler thing
kind of threw me.
But I assure you, I will--
The mistake we make,
we fool ourselves into thinking
of bonuses in terms of our jobs.
Forgetting that we have to earn
our bonuses at home, too.
And I simply haven't.
My wife moved out.
She says it's over.
Look, I'm sure it's temporary.
That's-- yeah.
Now that the deal's dead,
I need to-- I need to f*cking
refocus my priorities.
I gotta straighten out my life.
Wait, wait. The deal's dead?
Financing hit a snag.
We've been pencils down
for over a week.
Sandy, get my crowbar!
I've been dicking around
with this deck
for the past three nights.
Good on his wife for bailing.
Hey, Michelle.
Utah Comets ownership group
wants to meet
with Bobby Sanders this weekend.
And since Park City
just got a big snow dump,
figured we could hit
the slopes, too.
There's a 9:00 flight
from Newark Friday.
You know, I work weekends.
So, I can't really afford
to just drop everything
and go skiing.
All right.
Maybe we'll talk later.
No, look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
It is exciting, and I'm--
Pencils back up, Ichabod.
Bobby? Bobby, what's going on?
I'll talk to you later.
Let's go.
Wait.
We'll be needing this.
No, we won't.
Back to the drawing board.
We were hired to explore
strategic alternatives.
Big, out-of-the-box ideas.
You follow?
Refreshing boilerplate wedges
with hand-wavy assumptions
every two weeks
isn't gonna cut it.
You can tell by that matinee-
idol-like, penetrating look
that it's all starting
to sink in.
Pull over.
Why don't you f*ck yourself off?
Do you mind a little privacy?
Get out! Get out!
Hi, sweetie.
Uh...
Can you f*ck the f*ck off,
please?
Not you! Not you!
Honey, don't hang up!
Don't hang up! Don't hang up!
Hey, no!
How are the kids? I miss you.
I'm so lonely, Marcie.
I-- I know.
No, I lost my f*cking ring
at the park. You know that.
I take it off
when I do pull-ups.
No, no, that was one
f*cking time I was drunk.
It meant nothing.
She was an analyst
for Christ's sake.
No, I didn't even f*ck her.
It was just a handjob.
She gave me a handjob.
It was terrible.
No, you have a way better body
than she does.
Look, I couldn't even
f*cking get hard.
I know, that's the thing!
So, I basically didn't f*ck her.
Okay, yeah, I went down on her.
But, no. I-- I was drunk.
She meant nothing to me.
She was an analyst.
I don't even know if we f*cked.
She had the ugliest shoes.
I don't even think I f*cked.
Yeah, she gave me a blowjob.
Not good!
The craziest thing is,
is that anyone at this bank,
anyone on the planet
would sleep with that music.
If he was drunk,
she must have been blasted.
I still don't buy
he could get it up.
I think he stole your Viagra.
Danny and I kept
replaying that part
where he begs to stay
at their house in Sag Harbor
and starts crying.
Had to have faked that.
No, those tears were real.
Our guy's coal company
just got ginsu-ed.
Why they chose to go public
where our global environmental
priorities are shifting,
I don't understand.
Yeah, stock's down 70 percent
after Gemma shorted him.
No way they're coming back
from this.
Breathe.
Do you feel the heat
in your undercarriage, Bobby?
Hold that.
I've had this thing
for 23 years.
I can't tell if it's hideous
or lovely.
Art.
So, apparently,
an audio is making the rounds.
A very...
private phone conversation
between me and my wife.
You know anything about that?
Uh, I-- I might have heard--
It was a rhetorical question.
Your email was flagged
and discreetly forwarded to me
by compliance.
It got me curious, though.
What other emails
were you sending
and receiving
from your work account?
Quite a few, huh?
Seems you've been exploring
some strategic alternatives
of your own.
GM position for a hockey club?
Job offer from a prominent
hedge fund manager
in the process of eviscerating
one of our clients,
suggesting, of course,
you were in on it.
Push an IPO.
You know we'll doom our client
in exchange for a job offer.
That was not what I was doing.
Not only do your actions
constitute a fireable offense,
but they'll likely k*ll
your career.
Could even land you in prison.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
Don't be sorry.
I'm feeling charitable.
I'm gonna keep this between us.
And you are gonna stay
in my good graces.
Because, Sanders,
you're all mine.
He's right.
Masterson f*cking owns me.
Turns out, he now also owns
Farouk's charger.
I don't think he has
the authority to demand
you move outside his office.
You should ask compliance.
Compliance got me
into this mess.
You think your coal guys will
hire our restructuring group
when they go bankrupt?
They called me
five times already.
I can't bring myself to pick up.
There we go.
You're not taking
those with you?
I'm putting them in storage.
I don't wanna be reminded
of two guys
whose careers I ended, you know?
Nothing you could do, man.
That's banking.
Onto the next client.
Hey, discussion materials
are packed and ready to go.
Double-check.
Will do.
Now.
Okay, one second.
They're just at my new desk.
Don't need a play-by-play.
Just need to know I'm showing
up to the client meeting
with what I need.
11, 12 pitch decks
spiral bound.
MASTERSON
Delivered to my house tonight?
Yep.
Got someone messengering them
to you within the hour.
And the box will fit
in the overhead compartment?
Measured it myself.
Do it again.
All right.
15 by 12 by 10 inches.
Hello?
Hey.
Hey.
The box on my desk needs to go
to Masterson's home ASAP.
Finalized
the purchase agreement.
Deal's closed.
That's-- that's great.
Yeah.
We should get a drink
and celebrate.
The WNBA just announced
a lockout.
I'm supposed to start
my new job Monday.
So, they want me to fly out
tonight.
Tonight?
Yeah.
Right.
Not ideal, but...
definitely what I signed up for.
Yeah.
Have you given any more thought
to that GM role?
I don't think it's something
I can pursue right now.
This Masterson thing,
I gotta figure it out
before I can do anything.
You know, I really hope
I get to hear that steel siding
bit one day.
It's because I'm not saying,
yes, right--
Shh.
Fermer la bouche.
Hello?
I'm sorry. Is there a case of
moron going around?
Because I was delivered a box
of your desk trash
and deal toys last night.
Where are the pitch decks?
Oh, sh*t.
The analyst took the wrong box
from my old desk.
I can get it to you
before your flight, I swear.
I'm downstairs in the car.
You're riding to the airport
with me.
And bring my phone charger.
Maybe it's my fault.
I expected too much.
We're gonna start you off slow.
Pick up and drop off
my dry-cleaning.
Then you move to shoes.
In a few months, maybe you'll be
confident enough
to take my coffee order.
But let's not be hasty.
It's like a toddler did it!
Pull over!
Have you lost your f*cking mind?
Tread carefully, Sanders.
Some moves
you can't come back from.
Counting on it.
Pencils are down now.
But I couldn't walk away
without a deal toy.
I hadn't been seen in days.
And everyone had a theory.
Deactivated his social media.
Went off the grid.
Nah, hombre.
He probably just blocked you.
Bet he's in Miami.
Three Bs.
b*tches, booties,
and Bal Harbor.
Can you f*ck
the f*ck off, please?
Not you, not you.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Please don't hang up.
Don't hang up! Don't hang up!
No, no.
That was one f*cking time.
I was drunk. It meant nothing!
She was an analyst
for Christ's sake.
No, I didn't even f*ck her.
It was just a handjob!
She gave me a handjob.
It was terrible!
No, you have a way better body
than she does.
Look, I couldn't even
f*cking get hard.
I know, that's the thing!
So, I basically didn't f*ck her.
Okay. Yeah, I went down on her.
I was drunk.
She meant nothing to me.
She was an analyst.
I don't even know if we f*cked.
She had the ugliest shoes.
I don't even think I f*cked.
Yeah, she gave me a blowjob.
Not good.
And in the end,
the only guy
who really deserved to be fired,
actually was,
after attempting a hasty exit.
Sandy, get my hammer!
Weeks went by,
and I still hadn't reappeared.
Written off as someone
who lost it.
But who's to say
I didn't do it all?
Maybe I took a trip
to South America
to meet Hendrix,
where I ended up staying,
and cornering the ESG market
for Gemma's new fund.
And she admitted
that the whole sick dog schtick
was just that.
In truth, little Max
was the picture
of canine health.
And Michelle...
...expanded the WNBA brand
with not one,
but several teams
that she co-owned
while continuing
to own me at horse.
Turns out that mining Bitcoin
takes a sh*t ton of electricity.
The kind generated
by low-cost coal.
Or maybe none of this is true.
Maybe the point
wasn't some lesson
about how to live your life,
or end it.
Because it's not about
what you get.
Whether that's the job,
the money, the girl.
It's about what you lose.
Could be your hair,
your independence,
or 10 straight games of horse.
In the end, we lose it all.
Only thing that's left is...
After a slew
of mind-numbing coffee chats,
informational interviews,
and a full-day
of formal interviews...
Ah! Let's start again.
I can say that line much better.
May God destroy my house
and the house
that gave birth to me
if I don't.
Make-ups,
touch-ups, quick, quick, quick!
Red camel, yellow camel.
Red camel, yellow camel.
Red camel, yellow camel.
Okay, okay. Good, good, good.
Go, go, go, go.
Scene one, take 81.
A-- after a slew of-- Cut!
Again!
Roll again. Come on.
In the end,
the only thing left is the tale.
Your life's discussion
materials.
And if you happen to return
a gold-plated,
monogrammed charger
to a rich Egyptian
who sees it as a sign
of divine intervention,
well, then that tale
may even be turned into a movie
for the price
of a pesticide plant.
Scene one, take 81.
What does Peng mean to you?
Oh, everything.
Which is why I've actually
made him
head production assistant
on this film.
You know, when I was a boy,
that is when we acquired Peng.
My father said to me,
"Farouk, you are too old
to tie your own shoelaces."
And then Peng was right there.
He's to me, you know,
like family.
Well, not my family,
more like your family.
Right, Peng?
What are you doing?
There we go.
He likes to uh, polish
the shoelaces.
For me, this endeavor
is not about the money.
It's about storytelling.
I have a labor of love.
What the hell? Cut!
Peng, that makes no sense.
It doesn't make any-- any sense.
It is important
to have a soundtrack
to one's life.
That is why I have composed
a song
for every facet of my day
from morning to night.
Listen, this track over here,
it's called "Up In It."
I play it every day
before I go to set
to remind myself to up my game.
It's composed by this dope-a*s
beat producer in Los Angeles
named Pricks Meditated,
17 years old.
I discovered him
when I was on TikToks,
you know, doing the dances.
I know how to do a whoa.
Anyway, I was trying to pay him,
but I have to pay him
through his mother's Paypal
account. I don't understand.
Why not wire transfer, huh?
You had your own bank account
by the time you were 17?
I had my own bank.
Peng, dance with me.
This is the beat to slow down.
I like to slow down.
Okay, Peng. Time for a massage.
It's not about the money.
It's about the passion
to tell a story.
My story.
Cut.
I like that one.
Peng?
Good boy.
Good boy.
That will do, Peng.
That will do.
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Bull Run (2024)
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