01x02 - Clenching crocodiles

[bunniefuu]

Take it off, will you?

You look ridiculous.

Hell! That's a lot of money!

What did you pawn?

The title deed of my house.

What? Does your wife know?

Drive! Hurry!

Let's go!

Faster! Listen.

My original plan was to

buy some land with this money

but now we have to bail the statue out instead.

We'll just get some cheaper land

with the remaining money.

What do you want the land for?

I've been having the same dream lately.

In my dream, Phra Phrom told me that

he doesn't like the place we got him.

That makes sense actually.

Phra Phrom shouldn't be in some gazebo.

Why didn't you tell us

you're pumping in extra money?

I'm telling you now, aren't I?

If you pump in more money

how do we split the shares?

We'll worry about that later.

-No, we do it now. -It's all right.

Just split the shares three ways like before.

I'm not asking you for more money.

We're buddies, I don't want to

take advantage of you.

I wouldn't mind taking advantage.

The task at hand right now

is to bail Phra Phrom out

or he'll be repatriated to Thailand.

Man, Ming-qi. You're so ignorant.

Only migrant workers get repatriated.

The customs would confiscate it at best.

Shut up.

This is all because you found

that godforsaken place for Phra Phrom.

Instead of arguing with me, think about

where we can enshrine Phra Phrom.

Don't worry. It's a piece of cake.

-So who is this man? -A friend.

-Have you met him before? -Yeah.

Why are you wiring him money?

I'm buying something from him.

Don't ask so many questions.

What are you buying from him?

Enough with the questions.

You're such a bother. We're in a hurry!

Fine, fine!

We're buying a statue of Phra Phrom.

But it's stuck at the customs.

We need to pay the clearance fee.

That's why we're wiring him money, OK?

That's a scam.

No way.

We've given him a deposit of NT$150,000.

He's waiting at the customs

for us to wire him the money.

-At the customs? -Yeah.

Call and tell him

that we'll send the cash over personally.

Cash on delivery.

That's out of the question.

It's a huge statue!

-That big? -Yeah!

There must be a record of it at the airport then.

Which freighter was it on?

My statue doesn't travel via freighters.

It came on a passenger plane.

That's impossible.

The cargo hold is too small for it.

Maybe it's not that big.

More like this.

How big is it exactly?

Can you please leave us alone?

We're in a hurry!

But your friends don't seem to be in a hurry.

Are you in a hurry?

Yes, they are.

Tell you what. Call him now.

If you trust him that much, I'll talk to him.

I'll let you wire the money if he checks out.

Man, you're stubborn.

Charoen?

We're trying to wire you the money

but they're not making it easy.

Talk to them, will you?

The police.

Hello... hello?

Forget it. He has chucked his prepaid card.

You won't be able to reach him.

Hell!

Ma'am.

Do you know him?

No, I don't.

Do you know him? And you?

You know him, don't you? Where is he?

-I don't know him. -Bloody hell!

Then what's with that smirk?

I thought you migrant workers know each other.

-Do you know Jay Chou? -What?

I thought all Taiwanese know Jay Chou.

We're surrounded by rolling mountains

99!

Towering over the landscape

-99! -Ming-qi!

Why are the three of you

dressed like some singer from the sixties?

Are you taking part in a talent show?

Tell me. Do you know this guy?

It's Charoen. We used to work together.

-He's from Indonesia. -Indonesia?

-He's from Indonesia? -Not Thailand?

And you're from Indonesia too?

Yeah. He's definitely from Indonesia.

-He's from my hometown. -Hell, Ming-qi.

You couldn't even tell where he's from

and you bought a Phra Phrom statue from him?

A Phra Phrom statue?

You're such a sucker, Ming-qi.

How much did you pay for it?

(Thai) Hello.

I'm from Thailand too, Ming-qi.

-I can give you a better price. -Shut up!

I saw the photo before I gave him the deposit.

See?

Is this your statue?

Look.

Why do you have this picture too?

I just Googled for it.

There are tons of such images online.

Chang, Quan.

You didn't put your money in too, did you?

(Thai) Hello!

Bloody hell...

Ming-qin! Ming-qin!

Your brother collapsed!

Your brother collapsed!

Help is on the way.

Hang in there, he'll be here soon.

Hang in there.

Hurry...

I'm sorry... we forgot his inhaler

when we went home to get changed.

More...

Does anyone have water?

Any water?

Better now?

Be careful.

I'll send him home to get some rest.

Come back as soon as you can.

We have to finish the 15th floor today.

I'll be back.

Ming-qin.

I'm sorry you have to send me home

and cover my share of the work.

What is it, Mei-feng?

I'll be right there.

Dad is in hospital.

Mei-feng couldn't get you on your phone.

Mei-feng, how's Dad?

He had trouble breathing

so I called an ambulance.

They've treated him.

He's under observation at the ICU now.

We can only see him at 7.00pm.

-7.00pm? -Yeah.

Go find our insurance agent.

He's in the lobby.

He was coming to collect the premium.

I told him to meet me here instead.

OK.

Where's my money?

Where's your money?

Beats me.

I'll pay him.

Do you even know him? It's OK.

Your brother is all dressed up.

I'm sure his pockets are filled with money.

Go on, pay him.

No, I'm dressed like this because...

Because? You had another great business idea?

Or did you fall for yet another scam?

I don't believe this!

Did you really get scammed again?

Hey, we're in a hospital!

I was blind to marry you!

You're such an embarrassment!

Ming-qin, did you lend him money again?

It's bad enough that you fall for these scams.

You had to get your brother involved too?

-Stop it! -Ming-qi.

I got our wages from yesterday's gig.

Here's your share.

I'll go pay the guy. You crazy woman!

You guys did an ad-hoc job yesterday?

That's great, Ming-qin.

Get your brother more ad-hoc jobs.

Keep him busy

lest he starts daydreaming again.

Ru-hui, dinner is ready!

Mum, you forgot to set a place for Dad.

He doesn't need to eat.

He's going all spiritual.

He'll be fine just huffing some incense smoke.

Here. Tuck in.

Dad's going all spiritual?

What do you mean by that?

Ask him how much money

he blew on a Phra Phrom statue.

You bought a Phra Phrom statue, Dad?

I'll go huff some incense smoke.

How much did it cost?

-Dad... -Ignore him. Eat.

My wife is never wrong!

Dirty bugger. You've worn that for days.

Aren't you going to wash it?

I love my wife

You need both hands to sweep the floor!

Sweep elsewhere. I'm eating over here!

The dust is everywhere.

-Hey, Quan. -Yes.

Do you need me tomorrow?

Tomorrow? You've been working day and night.

Don't you need to rest?

I got scammed so I need to recoup my losses.

My workers will be back tomorrow.

Why don't you take the day off?

I'll call your superintendent if I need you.

OK?

I see.

-OK. -Yeah. Thanks.

Boss, I just pawned it yesterday.

Could you waive the interest?

-I won't charge you extra. -Cool.

This is just NT$768,000.

You need to pay NT$800,000

to redeem your title deed.

I thought you're waiving the interest?

I'm just not charging you extra.

The NT$800,000 includes the interest.

That's the amount you need to pay.

No way! NT$800,000?

You think I'm a sucker because I'm a labourer?

Even hocking it for a day will cost you

one month's interest.

And the interest is payable upfront.

Come back when you have the money.

But do come back within the month

or you'll incur another month's interest.

Bloody hell! They're charging you

a full month's interest?

Those bloodsuckers! It's outrageous!

Is it an unlicensed pawnshop?

Did you even need to ask?

Some pawnshops allow you

three months to a year to redeem your item.

If you don't redeem your item in time

they confiscate it and leave you with nothing.

I see.

Chang, you seem pretty familiar

with how pawnshops work.

Back when I was running my own business

I had to get loans from pawnshops

when I had cash flow problems.

Ming-qi, don't dwell on it.

It won't help you any.

Just work hard, save up

and get your title deed back.

You're right.

There are so many ways to make money.

I'm sure I'll strike it rich eventually.

You know what?

I've even thought about breeding pigeons.

Breeding pigeons?

I've seen people keeping pigeons on rooftops.

The feed doesn't cost much.

The pigeons are bred for racing.

I heard the prize money in Taoyuan

ranges from NT$50 to NT$100 million.

You're aiming for an aerial business?

But racing pigeons is considered gambling.

Don't do it.

How about we go into retail?

What do you want to sell?

I've heard there are screensavers

that are blessed by Buddhist monks.

Those screensavers will make you rich.

Come on, that's obviously bullshit.

If those worked, they'd be rich.

Why are they still selling screensavers?

If you're Terry Gou (Taiwanese billionaire)

or that dude from Alibaba

you might be able to sell that crap.

But you're a nobody.

No one will buy anything from you.

All we need is a lucky break.

Those who are lucky strike it rich.

Those who are not strike out.

All those wealthy folks got their lucky break.

That's why they're rich now, don't you think?

And bang! Money comes pouring in.

-It's thundering. -Oh my!

Will we get struck by lightning?

Touch wood!

What is it, Superintendent?

See for yourself. You got fined.

Why?

NT$60,000?

Think about the drain slope when grading land.

The muddy water is draining into the ditches.

That's why you got fined by the EPB.

But I checked with their superintendent.

I did as he said.

So, you want me to call him

and say that it's all his fault?

No... no, sir.

No. But can the EPB lower my fine?

They've already issued you the letter.

What do you think?

If you happen to know some legislator

you can try asking for his help.

Who knows? The EPB may even

withdraw the fine.

Where did that crocodile come from?

I bet it came from the farm nearby.

It got washed up here by the heavy rain.

It's a crocodile.

No, I think it came from the lake.

Yeah, right.

It can't cross the road, can it?

Wow, that's a powerful bite.

Be careful, Quan. Don't drop it on us.

Quan, swing it over!

Let it bite off Monkey's ba*ls!

Shut up! It's just a tiny crocodile.

I'm not afraid.

-Bring it on! -Don't diss it.

We ought to learn from it.

Look, it's still holding on tight.

I'm tired just watching it hang on

but it sure as heck is not giving up.

Cut it out!

That's not funny, Quan!

Put it down!

Fine.

Quan.

I'm not paying you to flirt with the crocodile.

Are you planning to take it out to lunch?

Relax, I've got this.

You startled us!

It's going in...

Come on, get in there...

Mrs Chang.

Get our neighbour to collect his crocodile.

OK.

What? We're giving it back?

I heard crocodiles are very nourishing.

Yeah, we can have crocodile sashimi.

What a bunch of gluttons.

If you're hungry, go catch yourself some rats!

Go back to work.

-Show's over. Go! -Get back to work.

-Go eat some rats. -Let's go!

Hey, Boss...

What is it?

Sell me the crocodile.

You want to buy it?

Yeah. How much is it?

I sell them by weight.

How much does it weigh? Give me a price.

NT$6,000.

Come on, we're neighbours.

How about NT$3,000?

Fine, deal.

What are you doing?

Thanks.

Close your mouth before flies get in.

Let's go.

Ming-qi, what are you doing?

Are you going to eat it?

I'm not eating it.

Then why did you buy it?

Hey, Quan.

What has your goddess been hankering for?

Let me see...

-A crocodile leather handbag! -What?

A handbag made with crocodile skin.

They come with a five-figure price tag.

No, way more.

Your goddess must not be eyeing

a high-end luxury brand.

Or maybe it's a really small one.

My wife used to sell luxury handbags.

A crocodile handbag can easily go for

hundreds of thousands.

-Or even a million or two. -NT$2 million?

That's the average price.

There are a couple of designs

that cost as much as NT$60 million!

Poor folks like you wouldn't get it.

Before my dad fell sick

my wife sold luxury handbags at the mall.

She'd tell me how those rich ladies

snapped up the handbags

without batting an eyelid.

Like the bags don't cost a thing!

Wait, so where are we going?

To buy the crocodile some clothes.

What?

Hold it tight. Don't let it get away.

It's worth millions.

It looks like a baby all bundled up like this.

Baby...

So where are we going?

I do not understand your instruction, Quan.

I'm not talking to you!

Please repeat what you said, Quan.

Turn it off. It's annoying.

Quan, how about heading to My Heart?

"My Heart" is just a destination

that I've entered into the system.

And where exactly is that?

Come on, I'll show you.

I got off work

What day is it? It's Saturday

I'm having beer and getting a girl

Ready for some pumpin'

Where are we partyin'?

What music do you want?

Disco, Electro, Hip-hop?

Or trash music?

A round of applause, please!

No one's going home tonight

We're partyin' all night

Get your neighbours

And friends together

That girl's smokin' hot

Oh my god

Let's have some fun

When you get off work

Let me see your hands!

-Watch it! The crocodile! -Stop it!

Watch the crocodile!

Stop it!

No... keep it away from me!

We have reached your destination.

My goddess

I'm back

Your heart is where my home is

Betel nuts for you, Quan?

NT$100's worth.

That's all you're getting?

NT$200 then.

There's three of you. How about NT$300?

OK, NT$300 it is. No problem.

Your goddess is one savvy saleswoman.

NT$100 each for the betel nuts

and NT$1,000 each for the crocodile.

We're splitting the profits

so we should all share the cost.

We'll be making NT$50,000. It's worth it.

Split three ways, that's NT$17,000 each.

You guys have no business sense.

It costs money to make handbags.

The crocodile won't turn into a bag by itself.

How much can we make then?

It's too small right now to be worth much.

We need to let it grow

to fetch a better price

and to make more bags.

Better yet, we'll get another crocodile

for them to mate and breed.

We'll feed 'em and breed 'em...

Breed 'em and sell 'em...

We'll be running a crocodile farm then.

Where would it be? And who...

The crocodile can hear you!

Who do we sell the crocodiles to?

One question a time, all right?

I'll give you the answers when I have them.

-But, Ming-qi... -For now, we need a place.

To keep this little guy.

But Ming-qi, first you want land for a temple

and now you want a crocodile pond.

Can your next business idea be less costly?

-Are you in on this or out? -Here.

-Thanks. -That's NT$300.

My goddess, can you keep

-a crocodile at your stall? -A crocodile?

It's cute.

You're not afraid of it?

-You're not. -I'm taking a photo with it.

She wants a photo...

Come on, let's pose.

All right...

One more. A couple more.

Hey!

Tell her we just want NT$200 of betel nuts.

-That's one pragmatic chick. -Hey!

What is it? Can't this wait until tomorrow?

I'm sorry. We won't take long.

Could you give us some privacy?

Sorry about this.

We're thinking of keeping this at your place.

We can't find a place to keep it.

Why don't we ask the farm

to take care of it for us?

And keep it with the other crocodiles?

Would you be able to tell which one's ours?

And it will cost us another sum of money.

Quan, let's keep it on your truck.

No frickin' way.

What if it bites off my ba*ls while I'm asleep?

-Keep it at your place. -Why not yours?

My wife will chew my head off.

As if mine won't?

I can't believe Ming-qin said no.

You're his brother.

Will it k*ll him to help us out?

I had no idea he would freak out.

What a wuss.

I can't believe someone so macho

would be so scared of a tiny crocodile.

He's so closed-off all the time.

We're finally seeing his human side.

He didn't use to be like this.

Eyes on the road!

-Look! -What?

Can it fit through?

-Shush! -Not so loud!

-Lift! -I'm lifting!

Get the flashlight out of my face.

What have I done to deserve this?

Be careful.

Quiet!

You lift like a girl, Ming-qi.

-You're such klutzes. -Be quiet.

Hang in there.

Yeah, almost there. Come on.

It's bloody heavy.

-Easy... -Watch where you're going.

Easy...

Watch it.

Hell!

It's too dark. I can't see.

I'll light the way.

-It's so heavy. -Over there...

Easy...

-Put it here... -Won't it be draughty?

Put it here. Easy...

-Be gentle with it. -It's all right.

-Be good. -Come on, good boy.

It's OK...

-Give me the tea eggs. -Why?

It's for the crocodile.

Crocodiles don't eat tea eggs.

That's for the crocodile too.

Give it this instead.

Crocodiles don't eat flour.

They don't eat chicken cutlets either.

Pipe down, will you?

What if the superintendent finds out

we're keeping the crocodile here?

Relax, he never comes up here.

We just have to be careful.

Hey.

Move aside...

Move aside...

There. No one will know it's here.

Is it eating?

It doesn't want to eat that stuff.

Hey, have you seen Chang?

No, I haven't.

-Oh, Superintendent! -What?

Nothing. What are you doing up here?

Do I have to report my whereabouts to you?

No... I mean, the floor is wet.

And it's dirty up here.

Quit if you can't stand the dirt.

Go work at a toilet paper factory or something.

Why are you walking backwards?

Superintendent! I have a frickin'...

I mean... I have a massive headache.

Do you...

have any painkillers?

My head is really k*lling me.

Thanks...

Mrs Chang.

Mrs Chang...

I have a bad headache.

I'm here to see what you guys are up to.

Why is there a bathtub here?

Do you not understand my question?

Why is there a bathtub here?

Superintendent!

It's mine. It's for... my bathroom at home.

I don't have anywhere to store it

so I'm putting it here for a few days.

Don't worry! I'll move it home soon.

For a few days? Here on the fifth floor?

You want me to believe

you lugged this all the way up here

just to store it for a few days?

Yeah.

That was some quick thinking.

Thank goodness you hid the crocodile

or we would have been caught.

How did you do it?

I saw how the farm owner handles crocodiles.

I just did what he did.

You have a knack for this.

This crocodile is one smart cookie.

It knows that I feed it, so it's nice to me.

Are you getting attached to it?

It's very affectionate with me.

We can't keep it here for long.

We need to find someplace else.

We're moving this bathtub again?

I told you not to move it here!

Do you think...

Mrs Chang!

Mrs Chang.

Don't go there. There's a gap in the floor.

-It's not safe. -Yeah.

Get out of my way!

Are you dancing the tango or something?

You can't even feed your kid.

Now you're keeping a crocodile?

What were you thinking?

Do you expect it to live on air and sunlight?

Take this!

Crocodiles eat raw meat.

Fill the bathtub with water!

It will die out of water!

You don't even know what it needs.

You're going to k*ll it before the day is out!

-Got it. -OK...

-Fill up the tub. -Go on.

Come on. Do it.

Why didn't you tell me you want raw meat?

I wasted all that food.

The chicken cutlet...

She's busy but I'm available.

What say you?

Ming-qin?

Why is this over here?

Sago!

Look at the mess you made!

When did you start keeping a cat?

I found it at the market.

Sago, say hi to Daddy.

Hi, Sago.

I'm Daddy. And you're Mummy.

Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Don't worry. I don't mind at all.

I ran into your new neighbour next door.

A Thai lady.

She's not the only one.

We have Vietnamese and Indonesians here too.

The p*mps brought in a bunch of girls

from Southeast Asia to steal our customers.

Sago's very interested in you.

What do you feed it?

Cat food.

Is there crocodile food for crocodiles?

Crocodiles eat fish and raw meat.

-Fish? -Yeah.

Fish, shrimp and the like.

Cats eat fish.

Cats eat mice too.

Do crocodiles eat cats?

This is for Dad, Mei-feng.

You didn't have to.

Dad can't eat any of this.

It's OK. My brother can have it.

Your brother?

Tell him to eat sh*t.

Mum wanted to cook earlier

but all the meat's gone.

As in raw meat?

Does it matter?

No, I'm just thinking

he probably wouldn't take cooked meat.

Do you know what your brother is up to?

Tell you what, Mei-feng.

I'll go buy you some meat.

Which do you prefer?

Pork belly or chicken drumstick?

Uncle, may I request for steak?

Steak?

-Don't hit me on the head. -Ming-qin!

I'm still growing.

Hell. Meat is not cheap.

The crocodile eats better than we do.

We're going broke just feeding it.

May I help you?

I'm sorry... close the fridge.

May I ask you something?

-What do crocodiles eat? -Crocodiles?

-Are you buying this for a crocodile? -Yeah.

That's a little extravagant.

There's a dusk market nearby.

Most of the fish and meat

go on discount after 5.00pm.

You might want to check it out.

Really? Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thanks.

I bet she's a working-class kid.

Are you a fortune-teller now?

Working-class kids know how hard it is

for their parents to make a living.

That's why she's studying and working part-time.

-You're full of sh*t. -What?

I don't let my son work part-time.

These kids who work part-time

will only be meeting more working-class folks.

I'd rather my son spend more time in school

mingling with the rich folks.

I wonder who it was who said

"Be it a labourer or God himself"

"everyone needs to have hope."

Oh my, what a good memory you have.

Why didn't you study for a doctorate?

-What a shame. -A doctorate?

A doctorate in operating cranes, more like it!

I could've gotten a doctorate if I wanted.

You hear?

How big must a crocodile be

to be made into bags?

Ask my wife.

-She knows everything. -Yeah...

You're useless.

Shall we give it a name?

No.

You'd grow attached to it once you do.

You wouldn't bear to sell it then.

In that case, we can wait for it to lay eggs.

We'll breed them and sell them

like you suggested.

It might get us more money.

Don't be stupid. We don't have a mate for it.

Besides, we don't even know

if it's a male or a female.

Get your wife to take a look.

Don't you think

this crocodile is a lot like us?

Whether it's stuck in a mud pool or a tub

it fights hard to get itself out.

No matter how much it gets bullied or oppressed

-it wants to be somebody! -Yeah!

Drink up!

Stop it! You can't give it alcohol!

What if it gets drunk?

-You're crazy! -So what if it gets drunk?

Look, it's just bobbing away in the tub.

If it does get drunk, it'd feel seasick at most.

Relax.

-You think? -Drink up!

Empty it if you have the ba*ls.

Does it have ba*ls?

-Let me check. -That's enough.

Come on...

Empty it if you have the ba*ls!

It's too strong.

You should have diluted it.

How much is it?

-NT$50. -NT$50 for 600g?

Thanks.

Hi, Mei-feng.

My brother?

Yeah, he's with me.

Yeah. No problem.

Xiu-ling? Xiu-ling!

Come on. Let's go home.

Incoming call: Mei-feng

Mum?

I've found Dad.