01x06 - Part 6: Technology

[bunniefuu]

All right so something

you're gonna have to deal with

way more so than me

is gonna be technology.

You know? Like, I was fine with

technology right up to 1995.

You know, we had air bags.

Used to be like curing diseases,

going from a horse to now

where an automobile learning

how to fly.

That used to be technology.

Now it's just like,

"Oh, look, I can take a

I can take a clearer picture of

the burrito I just f*cking ate."

f*cking bullshit. All excited

because you got a better camera.

It's an invasion

of your privacy.

Just watch how much

you have it in your house,

'cause I'm telling you, everybody,

they're bugging the house, right?

There's no place for you to

jerk off without getting filmed.

Every time you rub one out, you

got the camera pointed at you.

Somebody's saving

all that stuff.

I mean, I held onto my square TV

till the late 2000s.

All my friends were trashing me,

and they went out and they

bought these stupid flat-screen TVs,

and little did they know

there's a camera on it

and the thing's sitting there

watching you

banging your f*cking wife.

You gotta watch out

for those guys.

All of those guys I think

work for the government.

All those people that come in,

they set up your TV,

your entertainment

Your speakers in the ceiling.

f*ck that. You should

have all your technology,

all your media,

in one room of your house,

and everything else

is a safe space.

[R&B music playing in room]

MAN'S VOICE: Ashley?

[clears throat] Ashley.

[mutters] This is really

annoying, god dammit.

Sorry, sorry.

[scoffs] Ah.

Ashley. No, no, no!

Ashley! Ashley!

I think you have cancer.

I've been watching you

for the past nine months.

Ashley

I love you.

I love every detail,

everything about you,

including the cute little mole

on the back of your left shoulder,

which I now see

is melanoma.

Ashley, my mom died

of skin cancer.

It's a hell of a beast.

Just get it looked at.

I love y

Hmm? Yeah, 10:00 am Wednesday

works great.

Yes, I'll, um

I'll bring my insurance card.

[door opens]

[crying]

ASHLEY: No, it's fine.

No, I told you, it's at noon.

Yes, Mom, I know

it's my last one.

Okay. I'll see you there.

All right, love you too. Bye.

[door closes]

Hello?

Hello?

Are you there?

Oh, Ashley! Mm.

Uh, I just wanted to, um

I can't believe this, but, um

I just wanted to say thank you.

The doctor said that, um,

it could've been really bad

if we caught the cancer

any later.

I'm really glad you're okay.

[chuckles] This might

sound crazy, but

Could I take you out

to dinner sometime?

Yeah.

Really?

f*ck no! You're a

f*cking stalker.

- Got it.

- Bye.

God, I gotta tell

my mom about this.

But watch out

for technology, man.

I spent the most important years

of my life

staring at my phone

looking at online porn.

You know? And I do mean

looking at it.

'Cause I swear to God, after a

while I just stopped jerking off.

I would just be, like, you know,

like I was watching

surveillance footage.

I'd start laughing.

"Why would she say that?"

I haven't watched it

in three months, so,

that's a good thing.

[country-pop music playing]

[teen girls giggling quietly]

MADDY: She's so wasted.

EVA:

What is that dance she's doing?

- EVA: Mom?

- BOTH: Mom?

EVA: What was the dance to this

you showed us at, um

At Jeremy's wedding?

[girls laughing]

MADDY: She's so wasted.

- MADDY: Take the camera.

- EVA: Okay.

MADDY: Watch this. Mom?

Uh, hey, Mom, can I have

some money for the movies?

How much do you need?

- Like $200.

- [Maddy giggles]

- $200?

- Yeah.

- Sure, sweetie.

- EVA: Oh. Holy sh*t!

I have to find my purse.

MADDY: [giggling] Mom?

Dishwasher. Uh, Mom?

What are you doing? Mom?

EVA: Oh, my God, she's a mess.

Uh

MADDY: [urgent whisper]

Did you know that was there?

Eva, when is what's the date of

your birthday again?

- Is it six or seven?

- Six.

Right.

[groans]

- Mom!

- Oh, my God! Mom, stop!

- Mom!

- Okay

Mom!

[all screaming and clamoring]

[man grunting in panic]

[girls screaming]

[bodies thud] What is going on?!

- [screams]

- Mom, what is happening?

- MOM: Hit him!

- EVA: Maddy! Hit him!

- No!

- EVA: Aah! Do it!

MOM: Hit him!

[Eva screams]

[country-pop music continues]

Good girls.

I told you my purse was in here.