01x04 - Art Basel

[bunniefuu]

Do it! Do it! Do it!

He shoots it off every 40 minutes.

And that is considered art?

Come on. This is Art Basel.

The greatest artists in the world

come here.

You really have to

embrace the weird, okay?

Last year, I paid to be in a room

with an Australian man folding laundry

for 16 hours straight.

Oh, love it here.

I'm so inspired right now.

Ness, can we go to Michaels after this

to get arts and crafts and stuff?

Uh, okay, cálmate.

You're still a musician.

You can make weird art nobody likes

after you make it big.

Oh, my God, Zale Bonus is here.

Is that a person or a jewelry store?

He's the biggest name

in digital art investing!

His podcast, We Was Cryptos,

is f*cking genius.

Wow.

Sounds like an amazing guy.

Holy sh*t, he's having a panel.

We have to go.

Miss a once-in-a-lifetime

collection of artists

to listen to a tech bro you get off to

in the shower? Uh-uh.

I don't get off to him.

I'm sorry. Keep at it, champ.

Let's put it to a vote.

All in favor of going

to the Zale Bonus talk?

Oh, this is a y'all conversation.

Ugh! Missed it.

There's so much

to love about artists, y'all.

They bring beauty into our world.

They push our culture forward.

And, honestly, they usually got

the best f*cking drugs.

I ain't promoting, that's just the data.

All right, let's get serious, though.

Who gets to be an artist in today's world?

People like you and me, my sister?

No. I want our artists

to succeed and thrive,

but that's not what happens, is it?

Nope. They get priced

out of they own cities.

Can't even live there,

can't even paint there.

On top of that, you do get poppin',

and you get gouged by art dealers.

Don't we wanna create a world

where everybody can be an artist?

- Yeah!

- Right?

Not just white people,

you know what I'm saying?

Black folks, brown folks.

Latina girls, Asian m*therf*ckers,

everybody can make art

and not be placed

- in a box.

- Right.

- Yep.

- And that's why

I'm so excited to announce

our newest initiative, y'all.

An artist incubator,

built specifically to help fund

GOC,

aka Geniuses of Color.

All right. Let's go.

Let me hear you say GOC!

- GOC!

- GOC!

GOC!

Wait, you think

this guy would, like, fund me?

Or is he only talking

paint and paper artists?

- Paint and paper?

- No, no.

I mean, you are a Genius of Color.

- Been saying it for years.

- Wait.

I'm gonna make this happen

because this guy's loaded.

He wants to blow it on art

and maybe he could blow it on me.

Uh, okay, but wouldn't it be weird

to be backed by, like, a non-label, Mia?

Oh, no, I think it's a great idea.

New musicians get weird funding

in this town all the time.

- All right.

- I bet he'd be into you.

Look at him,

he has incredible f*cking instincts.

Ahhh!

Why'd you tell Santi

this benefactor was a good idea?

Aren't you supposed to be

pretending you're gonna sign us?

Getting funding from outside doesn't

prevent me from signing him, Felix.

If anything, it helps.

How?

A patron provides capital

for you guys to record new music,

you get some good radio play,

make another video.

It's just gonna make it easier to bring

him to the label at the perfect time.

Aren't you worried he's gonna become

this trusted advisor to Santi

and help him build his career so much

he realizes he doesn't need you

or the label to sign him?

The dude who was on stage

using a d*ck cannon?

I think we'll be fine.

Hey, you remember that time

I ate your finger?

- That was cool, right?

- Shut up, Felix.

There he is.

Okay, there's gotta be 20 other artists

waiting to chat him up. None are white.

- We don't even have that going for us.

- Ness.

Please breathe.

- Okay.

- I got this.

Excuse me. There he is. Look at you!

This is Oh, my God, dude.

This shirt is crazy.

You look like you're in a hurricane

or something, with the blue hair.

Yo. I know who you are.

- Yeah?

- You're the dude that

- remixed that "Eduardo" song.

- Yes!

- That's some good content.

- Thank you.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. You know,

my team, we worked so hard on it.

I learned a lot about produce that day.

There's 21 types of melon.

- No sh*t.

- Vanessa Peguero.

- Hi.

- People call me Ness.

It's a privilege, pleasure and honor

to be meeting you, sir, and my God!

Your hand is incredibly soft.

You gotta tell me

what kind of lotion you use, right?

I must say, not to fangirl,

but I listen to your podcast religiously.

Your innovation knows no bounds,

and we are tickled

that you enjoyed the campaign

that I conceptualized, produced

and brought in under budget.

Yo, no misogyny or nothing,

but you gotta chill a little bit,

- you know? You're good, though.

- Yeah, yeah.

Grocery store homie, your name?

- Santi.

- Santi.

My financially obligated time

to be here is officially over,

so I gotta bounce. It's real dry in here.

But let me get your phone real quick.

Oh, yeah.

So, this is where we 'bout to be.

Come through with your team

and we'll chop it up a little bit more.

All right, my boy.

Let's get out of here. All right.

All right, yo, I'll see you later.

- You're gonna leave me hanging?

- Yeah.

- I'mma catch you next time.

- All right.

Let's go!

Hey, Ramon.

- Hey, Mia.

- Well, I have Santi and his team here.

Not seeing Santi on the list, Mia.

Oh, well, look.

The label and I were really trying

to woo Santi,

and I feel like Oscar

would be really upset

if he didn't go

to his first paid brand campaign,

if it was because your dyslexia

was acting up again.

All right, Mia.

- Go ahead.

- Thank you, Ramon.

Felix, let's go find Zale,

I'll get cool with him,

he'll wanna fund us,

and then Ness, you come in

with all the business-y stuff like

Like interest rates and sh*t. Come on.

Hey, uh, how do you do that?

- Ramon?

- Yeah.

Oh, we go way back.

No, I I mean, like, um,

how do you, like, you know, just

get sh*t done?

Well, look, it's about making people

feel like they're in power,

when actually you're the one

pulling the strings.

I won't make myself smaller

to make people feel more comfortable.

Ness, that's literally the job.

If you wanna manage Santi,

you have to become

a million versions of yourself

to get what you want.

It's not about making yourself smaller,

it's about tricking people

into thinking they're bigger.

Right.

I think I'm gonna go work the room

and trick some people

into thinking they're in charge.

Just like I did you.

Very Kandinsky,

body horror, but also like

Rebecca Romijn from X-Men.

High-low, very inspiring.

My boy. Zale.

Oh, sh*t, let's go.

Thank you so much.

Ooh, you shaking that sh*t.

What's that, a unicorn?

Yeah!

You got that m*therf*cker galloping!

- Ey, ey, ey!

- Yo!

What's up, Zale?

- Yeah, baby!

- What's up, baby?

Yo, make yourself at home.

- Yo, I was wondering about earlier

- Yeah.

- if I could be the guy that you

- Right.

- fund. I'm the perfect

- Hold that thought.

There's somebody

I really want you to meet.

He's genius, like, real creative dude.

- Yeah?

- He's, like, savant level.

- Okay.

- Javier Luna.

Yeah, real cool cat.

You're gonna love him. Here, here. Javi!

- Yeah.

- What's up, baby?

Yo, Zale. How you doing, my bro?

- Yo, I'm Javi.

- I'm Santi.

Santi. Nice to meet you.

A pleasure, my brother.

Santi, the guy you talked sh*t about

on Twitter, bruv.

You called him "Internet famous."

I'm so sorry, my bro. I was really

going through it a few months ago.

My rabbit died.

Oh, damn.

I'm so sorry.

I've been trying to get Zale

to back me up for my real talent

but my label says I'm crazy.

They don't know sh*t.

So, what's your, uh, real talent?

If this is like

Magic.

What's so funny?

Why are you laughing?

I mean, I was just

f*cking magic, dude.

Well, like, the thing about magic

is it's always, like,

"Oh, my God, how did you do that?"

Right?

Thanks. I tried to tell my manager that,

and they look at me like I'm crazy.

Yeah, well, that's suits for you.

They don't get the vision.

I love this guy. I'm gonna sit.

- Pull up.

- Please.

Yo, Javi. Please show Santi a trick.

- Wanna see a trick?

- I'm good.

- I'm still working on it, but

- Oh.

- Oh, sh*t!

- What the f*ck?

- I mean

- Crazy.

Hi, I'm Ness.

Terrence, with a T.

- Okay.

- Nice to meet you.

So, uh, what brings you

to Art Basel, Ness?

Uh, I rep an artist

in the Urbano music space.

- Do you?

- I do.

Well, I actually happen to work

in music PR myself.

- Do you, now?

- Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

Maybe we could, you know,

have a few drinks,

talk about business sometimes?

- What do you think?

- You're absolutely right.

We should talk about you

helping my client in the PR space.

No.

That's not how I phrased it at all.

Oh, no, no. You definitely did

and it was a great call

on your part.

I remember 'cause you just said it.

Look, I gotta go meet some friends.

Nice seeing you.

Maybe we'll see each other again.

Hey, remember, it was your idea!

You're the one in control!

Okay, came on a bit strong there, champ.

You told me to come on strong.

You're right.

He's just probably intimidated.

Okay, game plan. On the next one,

I should, uh

I should play it a little cooler

- and, like, coddle his ego, right?

- Up to you.

You are a master manipulator.

A woman is good at her job

and she's a manipulator?

No, I No, I didn't mean that you were

- You f*ck. You are good at this.

- Yes, I am. Keep up, Ness.

Okay, wait, so, you, like,

push it in? Not out?

- In, not out.

- Cool.

- Oh, sh*t. Uh

- You almost got it.

- Try one more time.

- Oh.

Yo, I can't believe

how much of a weirdo Javier Luna is.

I don't know. He seems normal to me.

Get rid of him for me.

What, like

No! Just bring him over there

so I can talk to Zale.

Yes, I can do that.

I would k*ll for you

under the right circumstances.

Yo, pick a card. Pick a card.

- Pick a card.

- Any card?

Yo, Javi. There's this VR exhibit.

You can experience what it's like

to be awake during surgery.

- I am in.

- Let's check it out.

- Zale.

- What's up?

- How you doin'?

- What's up?

- All right, all right.

- Yo, listen, man. Um

I really connected with all the stuff

that you were saying earlier and

- Mmm. Mmm.

- And I feel like Like I can be the one.

Because I do know that

you got a lot of other potential artists

that are interested,

but I bring something that's different,

and I feel we would just be

the perfect match to be working

I'm down.

Wait, wait. Like Like, really?

Yeah. I'mma hit you with some funds, bro.

- Stop, bro! No way.

- Yeah. Yeah.

I thought I was gonna have to sell you

on my career goals,

on On like, my team, on my whole vision,

- and you just saying, "Yeah?"

- Nah.

I don't give a f*ck about that.

All these artists I kicked it with,

you're the only one that's just chill.

Like, you just get me.

m*therf*ckers talking about what?

All this David Blaine sh*t.

This one dude like, "This is my destiny."

"I was born to do it." Shut the f*ck up.

- That's not me.

- Exactly. Me and you,

- we're on the same wavelength.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Same frequency. Same exact frequency.

- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

You just wanna make music

- Make music. Mmm.

- Party.

- f*ck b*tches.

- Yep.

And that's it.

Right. I mean,

I definitely do love those things,

but, you know, it's also about the art.

Nah, not really.

What about, like, the Geniuses of Color

stuff that you were talking about?

Well, my PR team, they made me do that

'cause I was getting some heat online.

They say I work with

too many white people,

but it ain't my fault.

They got all the money.

What you want me to do? I want the money.

So, wait.

Oh, you don't care about the art?

I mean, come on, bro. Look at this sh*t.

This is silly. This is all fake.

Art is just some weird sh*t

m*therf*ckers make up.

It's just commerce.

You better learn that, buddy. Hey, yo!

b*tch with the big ole booty. Yeah,

butterfly. Can a n*gga get a dance?

You know what?

I've always wanted

to do magic in a music video.

Oh, my God, you should. Wait.

- Uh, uh

- Right?

- What if you sawed yourself in half?

- Uh-huh.

Classic magician's trick.

And your torso is singing.

And we follow both your torso

and your legs

as they lead separate

but completely depressing lives.

That is the kind of sh*t

I was talking about, bro.

We should definitely do that.

Oh, wow.

I'd love to,

but, uh, I can't cheat on Santi like that.

You don't art direct for anybody else?

For real, for real?

For real, for reals.

It's, uh, monogamy vibes for us.

Respect, but if you ever change your mind,

a magician always needs an assistant.

And you know what I mean.

I think I do.

But I should probably

- find my current magician.

- Mmm.

- Peace, my brother.

- Peace, my brother.

What the f*ck! Oh, my God. Sorry. I

Very scary. Good job. Oh, my God.

- Hi.

- Hey.

f*ck it, I can't do this.

You are so clearly

the most boring man on the planet, so

I think you seem nice.

f*ck!

Hmm.

I love that.

Your look.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- It's vintage.

- Cool.

This your first Art Basel?

Yeah. Yeah, um, we just moved here.

We?

My, uh, client and I

just moved here from Fort Myers.

What do you do?

I'm

a music manager.

At least, I am trying to be

a music manager.

You have a client, right?

Yeah.

Then you're a f*cking music manager.

Who do you rep?

Uh, a new reggaeton artist.

His name's Santi.

- For real?

- Yeah.

Exagerao ♪

- Okay, okay. Damn, you know your sh*t.

- Mmm-hmm.

Wouldn't be very good at my job

if I didn't know

who the next up-and-coming artists are.

I'm a very big fan of your client.

Look, I'm a little bit

pressed for time, but

I'd love to figure out

how we can work together.

If you're interested.

Absolutely. Uh, yeah.

Are you, like, a producer? Do you, um

Do you finance artists, or

I'm a little bit of everything.

- Right.

- I can explain more at my place.

I'll have a car pick you up in 15.

We can head over there and discuss.

Yeah. Discuss at your place. Cool. Cool.

You should bring Santi.

Guys. I just met

the coolest woman in the world,

- and I think that she wants to fund us.

- She?

- Why you so out of breath?

- Doesn't matter.

Tell me you didn't sign with Zale Bonus.

No, that guy f*cking sucks.

What?

The guy with the Crypto podcast?

You were right.

Well, this woman is super rich,

she's a huge fan of yours.

She's super hot,

her hair's, like, really shiny.

- How is that relevant?

- 'Cause she's f*cking hot.

Now get your sh*t together,

we are going to her house tonight.

- Dude, I love houses.

- Right?

You guys have fun. I'm gonna stay here.

Gotta talk to people from the label.

Okay. You're missing out though

because she is sending us a car.

- She got money!

- Yeah, she got money.

- Sending us a car!

- That is so great.

You gotta stop acting so broke

all the time.

g*dd*mn.

I told you she was rich.

I have 100% watched porn

filmed in this home.

Hi, um, we're here to see

sh*t, I didn't get her name. Uh

Up here.

Santi.

It is so great to finally meet you.

Same to you. This is, uh

This is quite the place that you have.

I actually have a couple of these.

They're good investments.

You would be more than welcome

to use them while I'm away on business.

It's great to see you again.

The feeling is very mutual.

Felix.

Okay.

Márchense.

I could give you

the whole song and dance,

or I could just cut straight to the chase.

Santi.

You're a no-doubt-about-it star.

I want in on the ground floor.

I've done this with many young artists.

I haven't missed once.

You will not be the exception.

Let me give you some cash.

Say

three

Four hundred grand?

I'll hook you up

with my studio connections, producer,

you'll lay down some great tracks

and we will all get very rich together.

I know it sounds crazy,

but look around you.

It really is that simple

when you're with me.

What do you say? You in?

f*ck it. Uh, I just

I think that everything feels right

right now,

and I think the universe

is just telling me to say yes!

- Yes!

- We're in! Yes!

Fantastic.

We'll set up the paperwork in my office,

all very standard.

Okay, so, uh, do we come in Monday

to, like, sign, or

No!

We'll do it now.

It's all very straightforward.

Don't sign anything

if you're not comfortable.

Oh, okay. Uh, wow.

- They're waiting for you.

- Okay.

Guys, this is Gabriel,

he's my business partner.

He'll set everything up.

I have to take care of some business,

but then we will pop the champagne!

I love how much you say business.

Business.

Stay here.

Stay here.

- Guy's f*cking weird.

- She has a waterfall?

Ooh, g*dd*mn! Santi, check out this sh*t.

- What the f*ck are you doing?

- Ooh!

Going through her sh*t.

What do you think I'm doing?

That's really weird, man. Stop!

Yo, she is rich!

Whoa.

Guys, this is weird, right?

That could be anything.

That could be, like, a wrapped book,

or first edition book.

She must, like,

really like wrapping books.

Okay, it's a brick of cocaine.

She said she likes to have parties.

It's Miami. Is it really that weird

to have a couple bricks at a party?

- Party animals!

- Exactly.

Guys, she has a g*n.

Whoa!

- Whoa.

- Put that sh*t down!

Stop opening drawers!

Oh, sh*t.

There's so many g*ns in that drawer.

What?

Who the f*ck are we dealing with?

A business lady, I don't

f*ck, I should have known.

Look at this waterfall.

She's a James Bond villain.

She's clearly a f*cking bichota.

What's that mean?

Like, James Bond in Spanish?

Coke dealer, drug dealer, big shot.

We haven't signed anything yet, right?

So, we can just say that

we had a change of heart,

and that we are looking

to stay independent. Done.

Yeah, great idea,

because international drug traffickers

- are famously reasonable.

- What's going on?

Hey!

- Girl! Hey, you!

- Hey.

Hey, girl.

- What's up?

- You just call me a drug trafficker?

Uh

Why is there a g*n

and bricks of cocaine on my desk?

- Is that what that is?

- Hmm, yeah.

- Hey!

- Oh, my God.

Oh, f*ck.

Please.

I wish you guys could see yourselves.

I mean

It'd be weird if I just

went all Scarface on you, right? Like

Oh, you okay?

Guys, I'm just f*cking with you.

Come on, chill.

It's really not what you think.

- Relax.

- Okay.

You're not a drug dealer?

You need to stop using that word.

He's so stupid!

He says the stupidest sh*t all the time!

Don't listen to him. Right?

Stupid, stupid, random, awkward, crazy!

Okay.

Are we ready to sign this contract?

Huh?

Aw.

Do you not wanna sign?

Uh

It's not that I don't want to.

You don't need to, if you don't want to.

- We don't?

- No. I know

what we agreed to

and I always stick to my word.

The question is

do you?

Yeah.

- I feel great about this.

- Great.

Excellent. Now that we're all

in business together, let's f*cking party.

Anyone know where we can get

some good cocaine?

Guys, I don't actually

feel great about this.