01x02 - I'm My Worst Hater

[bunniefuu]

[string instrument plays high note]

Dude, sometimes to ease the tension,

I'd picture myself jumping off a building.

Like, many times.

- [Dan] Awful.

- Pretty often.

It's always the same thing.

I like to go to the top of the building,

which is flat.

Then I run, I run, I run.

I even pick up speed

in order to jump, you know?

So, we talk about it.

- We talk about, like

- [Aísha] Yes.

Not to end your life, to end the pain.

You wish that the wound would go away,

that the person who cheated on you hadn't.

And when you can't feel,

can't see a way out,

- then the brain goes to different places.

- [Dan] You picture scenarios.

It's a matter of taking responsibility

for yourself and for your feelings.

And above all, I think

the most important step is to face them.

Face your shadow.

I AM MY OWN WORST HATER

[guitar playing gentle melody]

[Brazilian music playing]

DECEMBER 2022- CREW PARTY

[Flávio] The Carnival muse!

She's been a muse. She has spoken.

- Our muse! Our muse!

- [guests] Our muse!

I'm only dancing

to "Na Boquinha da Garrafa".

Otherwise, I won't dance.

[guests cheering]

[man] Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Luísa Sonza!

[guests cheering]

[band playing "Na Boquinha da Garrafa"]

[music continues]

[Luísa] Well, I kicked this off.

Now, it's your turn to dance

and call up the others.

Dance and call up the next one.

- You can't run, tech team! Luciano!

- [guests cheering]

Don't run! I didn't think I'd tear up

when I looked at your little faces.

- f*ck!

- [people cheering]

[Luísa] And I know

how important each one of you are.

Seeing our party here,

and how well we get along,

how we really are a family.

And how we had to be

away from our families.

It's really good to see

how we've become a family,

that everyone treats each other

the same way.

Everyone curses at me,

talks trash about me.

[guests laughing]

[man] sl*t! wh*re! Gold digger!

I'm just doing my job,

putting up with this bullshit.

That's that.

You're all a part of Luísa Sonza.

Yes.

I'm f*cking nothing without you all.

Thank you for your effort.

- And sorry about all my swearing.

- [guests laughing]

I swear when I'm stressed out.

I f*cking love you, for real.

Yes. You are the best crew in Brazil,

and I'm not just saying it

because you're my crew.

You're the best. Thank you for everything.

[guests cheering]

And for choosing For choosing

For choosing to be with me every day,

because I know it's a choice.

You've chosen to be here,

you didn't have to be here.

You've chosen to be here.

Thank you for real.

[cheering and applause]

["Flores" playing]

SEPTEMBER 2020- LUÍSA AND VITÃO

ANNOUNCE THEIR RELATIONSHIP

[music volume decreases]

[woman] After all the rumors, Luísa Sonza

announced she was dating Vitão.

[woman 2] Luísa Sonza finds herself

involved with yet another mess.

[man] Luísa Sonza,

with a slightly controversial music clip

SHE USED WHINDERSSON

left the internet in a frenzy.

[woman 3] She makes a sexy clip

after getting divorced.

When you decide to post on social media,

you're choosing to let people judge you.

These are choices you make.

LUÍSA'S CAREER IS OVER

[man 2]

I met Luísa when she was very young,

but we were never friends.

I liked Whindersson.

We used to hang out at his place,

and it was always a lot of fun.

I noticed some of her actions

DON'T MESS WITH WINDERSSON

and I would say,

"No, that's not right. That's not okay."

The way she treats him,

for instance, is not okay.

So, that resentment was created.

Right after her divorce,

that's when I realized

ARTISTIC COORDINATOR

that the harassment wasn't as simple

as I thought it was, you know?

It's not like when an artist posts

a picture and people complain.

I realized that people kind of chose Luísa

as their internet punching bag.

The attacks have never been aimed

at things I had actually done.

It's always been made-up things.

So, I concluded

that it doesn't matter what I say here.

To me, I don't care

what you all think of me.

I don't care if you think of me

this way or that way.

Doce 22 was born

from all that.

[singing "INTERE$$EIRA"]

MAY 2021- DOCE 22 RECORDING SESSIONS

[Doug] This was born

from some talks we had.

"Don't speak out.

Stay quiet. Answer with music."

So she kept quiet about it.

When people got to listen to the album,

it was all in there.

They call me a wh*re,

I have to call them names too!

[singing "Fugitivos"]

["Fugitivos" starts playing]

[Doug] We had plenty of time,

we were all in quarantine at her house.

It was a kickass experience.

All these friends working together

to make a record.

Working for the same goal.

[music continues]

[Lucas] We were working hard,

and we isolated ourselves

in our little Doce 22 world,

where we did what we like most:

creating stories.

- [instrumental music playing]

- [shutter clicking]

[Flávio] Working on the concept

of Doce 22,

we studied a lot of pop music classics.

Pop music from the 2000's.

As the album was taking shape,

and we came up with its B-sides,

we thought, "Dude, hang on,

it isn't such a cheerful album after all."

So, our idea was to combine

the glamour of pop music

with its decadent side.

And the album is called Doce 22

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

because it's about the year

she turned 22.

In that year,

she gained a lot of notoriety.

Her professional life was great,

but her personal life

was in really bad shape.

She got divorced,

she started dating Vitor,

and she got backlash for it all.

[Lucas]

Luísa was bashed online for a year

because people thought

she'd cheated on Whindersson,

and he never said a word.

Then, very late one night,

she got pissed off and replied to a tweet.

[dramatic music playing]

f*ck YOU. I NEVER CHEATED ON ANYONE.

I NEVER EVEN LEFT ANYONE.

PEOPLE MADE UP A PLOT.

[Lucas] That night, specifically,

people decided to believe her,

and went to Whindersson for answers.

Then Whindersson posted something like,

"I don't read these things online,

I didn't know she was being harassed."

"No one got cheated on. Please stop it."

Now, the internet started

to harass Whindersson.

A week later, Whindersson's wife

had her premature baby.

- A few weeks.

- A week or so.

Then the internet turned

against Luísa once again,

saying that Luísa had

come up with this plan

to piss off Whindersson and his girl,

who freaked out and had her baby early.

WHINDERSSON AND MARIA LINA'S

PREMATURE BABY DIES

WHINDERSSON AND MARIA LINA'S SON DIES

YOU k*lled WHINDERSSON'S SON

YOU HAVE A FILTHY SOUL

[Lucas]

"m*rder*r" was the first trending topic,

followed by "Luísa" and "Whindersson".

LUISA IS A WITCH.

YOU k*lled WHINDERSSON'S SON!

My God. For God's sake. Stop with that.

Stop it.

[sobbing]

We can't take it anymore, people.

We can't take it anymore.

- [music continues]

- [crying, sobbing]

For the love of God!

For the love of God, stop with that.

- Hate's effect?

- [music fades]

I don't know how to answer that.

I'm not sure yet what the effects are,

I don't know how to handle a lot of stuff.

Maybe I'll never know, I'm not sure.

It's really hard to look at these things.

It's even hard to admit

that people affect you this much.

Her parents had their phones hacked.

FORMER PERSONAL ASSISTAN

They had to change their number.

She did as well.

They got doxed.

People said they'd k*ll them.

They threatened Sofia.

To k*ll a kid. Her sister.

MY BOYS WILL k*ll ALL YOUR FAMILY,

YOU b*tch

YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR EX'S SON'S DEATH

YOU f*cking b*tch

[man] You'll pay for it,

you hear me, you f*cking b*tch?

Whindersson's son died because of you.

We'll eat up all your family.

We'll dissect you, burn you, you b*tch.

Your life will become a living hell.

[man 4] They'd send her pictures

of dead women on her phone, her DM's.

That's how bad the threats got.

ARTISTIC DIRECTOR

They'd say: "If you ever set foot

in my state, you die."

Whindersson's crew got in touch with us

and told us that Whindersson was getting

tons of messages

saying they'd k*ll Luísa to avenge him.

We had to get her out of here.

We were all set to go.

The streaming platforms were ready.

But we pulled the plug on everything.

We put the record on hold.

Then she went to Mexico

for something like 15 days.

But you can't, like,

get your head on straight

in a fortnight in Mexico, you know?

IN JULY 2021, AFTER A ONE-MONTH DELAY,

LUÍSA RELEASES DOCE 22

["VIP" playing]

LUÍSA SONZA'S NEW ALBUM

BREAKS RECORD ON SPOTIFY

[music continues]

LUÍSA SONZA CELEBRATES ONE BILLION STREAMS

"IT CHANGES EVERYTHING"

- [music stops]

- [André] That was

the start of a huge shift.

TV wanted her. Everyone wanted her.

All the songs were well-received.

It was a response to the media

and to the music industry.

It was her response to everything.

- [cashier register dings]

- ["VIP" resumes playing]

POLEMIC: LUISA SONZA CROSSES THE LINE

[music stops]

[announcer] Check out this girl.

She believes she's an artist,

she thinks she's a singer.

["VIP" resumes playing]

Doce 22 was a turning point

in Luísa's career.

ROCK IN RIO ARTISTIC VP

But I think that happened

because it's an honest record.

It's a record that shows her guts.

You think:

"Isn't she afraid to expose herself?"

Right from the beginning,

she'd listen to the premade songs.

CEO OF MUSIC2MYND

We'd have meetings

with the music producer and he'd say,

"I have these songs for you."

And she'd say: "No way."

"I want my songs to tell stories."

So for Doce 22, she said,

"I want to tell my story."

She took the sentimentality

of Brazilian country music

and brought it to pop.

[water spilling]

["Better Off Alone" playing]

[Doug] I'll tell you how

"Melhor sozinha" came about.

She rented a badass house in Ilhabela.

It was a Saturday, or a Friday,

at the end of the afternoon,

the sun was down and I told her,

"Let's get to work."

And she said, "What?" She scolded me.

"f*ck it, you came down here to the beach,

with a pool, the sun, and want to work?"

"You want to lock yourself

in a room to write music?"

I kept my head down.

I went upstairs. Later on, she came up.

"What are you up to?"

I was so pissed, so I said, "Nothing!"

"Stop with the drama and let me hear it."

I hit play.

Then she started in,

"It's dope, let's do it."

Dude, it was around nine o'clock.

We stayed up until three. Three, four a.m.

Then we came back to São Paulo,

worked on the track,

on the accordion part.

It reminded us so much of Marília.

And the song started to take shape.

["Melhor sozinha"

playing through the speakers]

Damn.

[Doug] She sent a text to Marília,

"I have something to show you."

She tried to send it to her manager.

I talked to people,

trying to get the message to her.

Eventually, we were informed

that Marília wouldn't record the track.

We were like, "Sure, it's cool.

If she doesn't want to do it, it's fine."

Then Luisa didn't want

to release the track.

I told her,

"But the song means 'better off alone'."

"Because Marília wouldn't record it,

you won't release it?"

"You're better off alone, life goes on."

The day after the album was released,

Marília posted a video of herself

singing "Melhor sozinha".

The whole song.

[singing "Melhor sozinha"]

[Doug] "Oh, my God,

it makes no sense at all!"

Luísa showed me their texts

where she'd sent her the song,

"Marília, listen to this, please.

This song is so you."

Then Marília texted back,

"Let's pretend this never happened.

Let's start over."

"Hi, girlfriend!"

"This song is beautiful.

Wanna do a collab?"

["Melhor sozinha" playing]

- [music stops]

- [audience and Luísa singing]

- [music resumes]

- [singing continues]

IN AUGUST 2021, LUÍSA AND MARÍLIA ME

AND RECORDED "MELHOR SOZINHA".

THREE MONTHS LATER,

MARÍLIA TRAGICALLY DIED IN A PLANE CRASH.

[Luísa, in Portuguese]

This great friend once told me

[piano playing]

that a love shared between two people

is not a need.

It's a choice.

There's something else she said,

which means a lot to us, women.

It goes like this,

"I like you"

[audience replies] "But I don't need you."

[audience cheering]

[in English] Then the story that the TV

and magazines wanted to do was:

the girl who was harassed online,

who had to leave the country,

fixed herself, fixed her head,

and came back

- And she's doing great.

- with a smashing album.

This fairy tale

like the plot of a soap opera.

I'll never forget when she got back

and we asked, "Are you fine?"

She said,

"I'm not fine at all. I'm all f*cked up."

"I shouldn't have come back.

My mind isn't in a great place."

"I had to come back."

AUGUST 2021:

LUÍSA AND VITÃO BREAK UP AFTER ONE YEAR

[Luísa] My relationship with Vitor

was very complicated.

Because I saw someone being harassed

for dating me.

And more than that, that's when I started

to feel extremely guilty.

Once again.

It was like I was the problem.

[string instrument plays high note]

I'd look in the mirror and yell at myself.

I'd say, "Just do it,

you f*cking idiot. You b*tch."

"Just do it." You know?

I was too hard on myself.

I was too hard on myself, sometimes.

I'm my own worst hater.

I was definitely my worst hater.

[melancholic music playing]

[Luísa] I hear all the time,

"Wow, you're so strong."

Dude, I think I'm so fragile.

I'm the person who can't handle things,

because I feel them so intensely,

everything hurts so bad, I hurt so bad.

No one can live like that, right?

Music is a way for me to endure

my being this weak.

Because when I use music to unload,

my suffering isn't in vain, it becomes

"Penhasco", it becomes lyrics to a song.

So music, it

Music keeps me going.

It keeps me alive.

It allows me to feel

the things I feel so intensely.

- ["Outra Vez" playing]

- [Luísa singing alone]

I'm sad.

- [singing, laughing]

- [laughs]

- You laugh to keep from crying.

- Uh-huh.

- You always do that.

- I always do that. Dude!

[sings, laughs]

[Lucas] Oh, my God.

I always feel bad when I hear this.

- [laughing]

- [Lucas] No.

[clears throat]

Well, I'm done with cheerful songs.

I don't know to what extent

I can just do the sad things,

the things I want to do.

We're gonna have to discuss that.

I don't know. I'm not in the mood.

All the songs we've created so far

are pretty depressing. [laughs]

Well

[Zé Ricardo]

When a new artist breaks through,

I like to watch them from afar.

They were always trying to schedule

a meeting with Luísa and me.

I was really impressed, you know?

By how mature, back then,

she was for a 23-year-old girl.

So we met and talked

and I started to ask her

about her music videos.

There was this scene in the video

for one of her songs, "Penhasco".

One of the music videos that she made.

And I recognized one of the scenes,

but I couldn't remember where from.

I asked, "That scene, from 'Penhasco'"

She said, "That was an homage

to the last interview

with Clarice Lispector."

I thought, "Wow, a 23-year-old girl

who knows these things?"

At that moment, we hit it off,

artistically speaking.

Because I always try to find artists

who really like to interact

with their audience,

and not only sell tickets.

I wanna know what they think

and who they are.

[interviewer] Could you give us an idea

of what writing was like

for the teenage Clarice Lispector?

[Clarice] Chaotic.

Intense.

Completely disconnected from reality.

I know there's a market

and we can't ignore the market.

But there comes a point when,

if I can reach as many people,

why not use this to do something other

than just to make shitloads of money?

Otherwise I'll never leave

my comfort zone.

Comfort zone sucks.

[Lucas] The only ones

that have managed to escape

"Now every song has to be usable

for TikTok dances."

f*ck that. f*ck that sh*t.

Let's do something different.

I'm not gonna do everything

that people tell me to do

just to make numbers increase

or something.

And, like, what's success anyway?

I still want to be a mainstream artist,

but I don't want to be in a random bubble

where I can't reach

the people and the audience.

But I also don't want to

keep on repeating one formula

because it works.

Follow the way it works

and just that, you know?

She is the voice of a whole generation,

not only her generation.

Because she's speaking

from her time to the future.

She's setting the stage for

women to be free.

And I think this is extremely important,

from a curator standpoint.

Once I met her,

I knew I'd invite her.

- [Brazilian funk instrumental playing]

- [audience cheering]

SEPTEMBER 2022, THE CONCERT AT ROCK IN RIO

[audience cheering]

- [girl] Luísa!

- [girl 2] Luísa!

[cheering]

[singing "Penhasco"]

[cheering]

- She's awesome.

- [laughs]

[audience cheering]

I don't know. I'm anxious.

I'm happy. I want to cry a little.

The pop artist

is probably one of the coolest things

ever invented.

Well, let's face it.

We're some of the greatest rock stars

that ever walked the Earth.

Anitta is a kick-a*s rock star, you know.

Ludmilla is a great rock star.

f*ck. Pablo Vittar is a crazy rock star.

There's nothing crazier and more insane

than making pop music.

Pop music is always questioning.

The clothes you wear,

the songs you sing,

the instruments you play,

the concerts you give.

It also involves your personal life.

It's elegant, it's fancy,

it's eccentric, it's popular.

Pop is contradictory.

And being contradictory

is really appealing.

- ["Intere$$seira playing]

- [audience cheering]

[audience cheering]

[music stops]

[music resumes playing]

[Luísa and audience

singing "Intere$$eira"]

I'm here with Luísa Sonza,

nominated for best pop album.

[music continues]

LUÍSA I LOVE YOU 22 THOUSAND TIMES

[music continues]

[crying]

[Lucas] Cry now,

'cause after makeup, you can't.

Cry now.

[music continues]

[music ends]

[audience cheering]

[Luísa] Am I pretty up close?

- What? No, right?

- [man] You're pretty.

- I look tired.

- [man] I don't know. You look

I feel like my face it's a little

It's pretty.

But it looks tired, you know? [chuckles]

My face needs to take a break from

from Luísa Sonza.

No singing, no concerts, no makeup,

to get back my natural beauty.

But no, the b*tch has to work her a*s off.

When people say I'm ugly,

it'll affect my self-esteem.

Of course I'm ugly.

I have dark circles under my eyes.

My eyelids are droopy, they're droopy.

So I need more makeup,

which makes me uglier,

and it ruins my skin.

- My skin gets all screwed up.

- The hair?

Hair? I've given up on it.

Dude, I chipped my tooth at the concert.

But you can't see.

[woman] Let me see from the front.

- I chipped my tooth.

- You can't see.

[electronic music playing]

[woman] The bags are falling apart.

Girl, if we're falling apart,

what did you expect from the bags?

[woman 2] That's reality.

- That's the real making of.

- [chattering in the background]

- [woman 2] Right? [laughing]

- [man] Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I couldn't sleep on the bus.

This hurts my voice big time.

And Blacy is here.

[Blacy] Hello.

She'll help.

With my voice.

But I'm gonna be lying down.

I don't want to go through this anymore.

I'm so sad, I'm so tired.

I'm so tired of being sad.

[sobbing]

[sobbing] I'm so tired of being sad!

- [crying]

- [chattering on the TV]

I lost my will to live, man, like

I want to disappear

from the face of the Earth.

[sighs, sniffles]

Like, seriously.

I just wanna stop. Just stop, dude.

I wanna stop. Do you know what I mean?

Just stop.

Stop trying and shut up.

It's just too much.

[Flávio] Ever since I met Luísa,

I've been worried about her.

From day one, you could tell

she wasn't okay.

[engine rumbling]

[indistinct chatter]

[producer] How much Rivotril do you take?

It depends. [chuckles]

- [person laughs]

- I only take three.

I can't take more.

[exhales deeply]

[string instrument plays low note]

APRIL 2023, END OF "DOCE 22" TOUR

RIO GRANDE DO SUL

[door closes]

The last one.

[Flávio] At the same time, she

sets her limits at a very high level.

So, the thing is,

we never really know how far she can push.

Even she doesn't know how far.

- [audience chanting] Luísa! Luísa!

- [shutter clicking]

I'm so hoarse.

I don't think I can reach the high notes.

[man] I can do it, Lu. I'll amplify you.

Five, four, three, two, one.

[distorted sounds in slow motion]

[audience cheering]

[Luísa] Picture this.

The thing you love the most in life

ends up being the thing you hate the most.

And it's demanding,

it's tiring, it's exhausting.

It makes you feel

down and depressed.

Your life turns upside down, you know?

[slow motion sounds continue]

It was insane.

Like having five, no,

seven concerts in five days.

Three concerts in one day.

And in different states.

The adrenaline rush

of a concert is so high.

After that, you can't just go

to the hotel and sleep, that's impossible.

I couldn't go back

to my routine during the week

so I couldn't sleep either

when there were no shows.

"You only perform Thursday,

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday."

You can't sleep on Sunday,

you can't sleep on Monday.

By Thursday, you start recovering,

it's time for the next show.

And I work on the other days, too.

[somber music playing]

[footsteps approaching]

- [knocking]

- [Eliane] Lu?

Lu?

[music continues]

- [Eliane] You want it?

- [in hoarse voice] I don't know.

- There were times when I

- [Eliane] Fill this up.

worked non-stop,

not on concerts, but on ads.

I worked on two ads

for 24 hours with no sleep.

I wrapped one at three a.m.

and headed straight to the next.

MOM

Now you get why artists go crazy?

I knew that, rationally.

But you end up realizing

[squeals]

that's the price we pay.

[Eliane] Good morning.

[chattering in the background]

Good morning.

Thanks.

[producer]

When did you find out you had ulcers?

[Luísa] I found out on New Year's.

I had an awful, terrible pain in my chest.

[chattering in the background]

There's an ulcer on my esophagus too.

That's when

I went to the doctor.

I thought it was a heart attack.

The pain was here,

and it was spreading to my arm.

The pain was here in my belly,

in my stomach.

The pain was everywhere, so I thought,

"I'm dying."

I had an endoscopy.

The doctor said,

"You not only have one ulcer, but four."

One that's that's larger, a huge one.

And three small ones.

But it's all good. Just four.

I'm also upset

because I got hoarse at camp.

Man, without my voice, I have nothing.

[somber music playing]

It's sad, right?

This lifestyle doesn't actually fulfill

our real needs

MUSICIAN

biologically speaking.

Your hormones get all messed up.

You get stimulated a lot.

At one moment, you're at a concert

with thousands of people.

The next, you're all alone in your room.

I'd drink alcohol and energy drinks,

then I'd take Rivotril.

I'd take seven medications

because deep down, I was trying to end it.

I was trying to destroy myself.

[somber music continues]

[Gabriel] As weird as it may seem,

despite all the bashing,

the thing that affected her the most

was the touring.

Everything about it.

That was hard on her.

There was a lot going on,

she's been through a lot.

And it's almost impossible

to absorb and process all of that.

But going through that crazy routine,

no sleep, suddenly

[blows]

The consequence was

She came crashing down.

I was scared to fall asleep,

because of the nightmares.

So when I had to sleep,

I'd take a lot of sleeping pills.

High doses of Rivotril, Patz.

But I was afraid, so I'd be like this.

And then, it all came crashing down.

I had some lucid dreams.

I saw things going on in my room,

and there was nothing there.

I wasn't awake,

but I wasn't sleeping either.

I think she was experiencing

some paranoia, you know?

She was afraid of harmless things.

Afraid of harmless people, too.

During a massage,

something in my mind said,

"This person is gonna k*ll me."

"I have my back to them,

I can't see things, I'm in danger."

"They're gonna get a knife and stab me."

I started creating whole plots in my mind.

I had panic attacks.

"Someone very close to me,

who likes me a lot, will k*ll me."

It took me a while to tell people about it

because I thought I was going crazy.

["Penhasco 2" playing]

[music stops]

[Luísa]

What's the loneliest moment for me?

When I face myself.

When I look in the mirror

and say, "It's your turn, Luísa."

When I have to look at my mistakes,

at things I did right,

when I have to look at

my responsibility towards myself.

It's tough, dude.

- It's tough.

- [silence]

IN 2018, WHILE SINGING AT A HOTEL

IN FERNANDO DE NORONHA,

LUÍSA ASKED A BLACK WOMAN FOR WATER.

TWO YEARS LATER, AS A RESULT,

SHE WAS SUED FOR MORAL DAMAGES

AND REACHED A SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT.

IN 2022, THE CASE RESURFACED IN THE MEDIA

AND ON SOCIAL NETWORKS.

In 2018, I was

in Fernando de Noronha.

At a restaurant.

They asked me to sing there

while I was having dinner

with several people.

I was just having dinner,

I wasn't there for anything else.

So at a certain point, some folks said,

"Oh, she sings, she sings."

I wasn't famous yet,

like the way I am today or

[grunts]

So popular.

But then they said, "Oh, sing, sing."

They asked me to sing.

My God, this is

I was 20 years old?

Nineteen?

I think I was still 19.

Nineteen or twenty.

And then I started singing.

I put together some songs on the spot.

"Oh, what song do you sing?"

Anyway [sighs]

There was a guy playing the guitar,

I was singing.

I sang some songs,

and while I was singing

It was like a stage, sort of.

Not really a stage, it was a restaurant,

so there was a little area

where we were singing in front.

I was up front,

and everyone was recording me, like that.

And then, at a certain moment,

while I was singing

Well

I got thirsty, turned around,

and asked for a glass of water.

I turned around

and continued singing, you know.

Well

It was a mistake for me to do that.

And this was in 2018.

And

after that

no one said anything to me then, no one

made any comments.

Two years later,

by the time I was getting divorced,

I was sued for moral damages.

[grunts]

For asking

for that water from a Black woman.

And I'm not here to

I don't think I'm here to justify myself.

I didn't know

if I was going to talk about this

because I think

I've already explained myself

and apologized to those who I needed to.

And I've done what

I needed to do, in fact,

to not be labeled r*cist,

to make amends as much as I could,

and take responsibility for my actions

and correct my actions.

Well,

I learned many things.

I read a lot, became more aware,

in the sense of

well,

becoming active and fighting racism,

understanding my responsibility

as a white person,

and seeking to invest

in causes that fight racism.

I opened a restaurant.

Well, I invest in many projects.

I incorporate all this into my life.

And I don't promote it

because I think that

Not that I don't promote,

the restaurant is open.

But I always try to be

as fair as possible in this place.

I've learned

to be more fair in this place.

I confess that, at some point,

it took me a while to understand this.

Because I'm a privileged, white person,

and I'm subject to this crappy,

messed-up structure that

that it is.

This structure

we're all aware exists.

And anyway.

This is what I can do, I think that

I can't say much about it either

because it involves another person, and

There was even a question of whether

I should talk about it or not.

I don't want to delve into it because

I think it's a very delicate subject,

and I don't want to be impolite.

But I also don't want to come here

and be

trying to

convince people of something,

and it's not about that.

It's about admitting the mistake,

understanding,

being aware of this mistake,

and making

white people who don't take this seriously

take it seriously.

I regret that a lot.

I think it's definitely one

of the worst episodes of my life.

And, no, obviously it wasn't intentional.

And it would never be intentional,

but we're trapped

in a very problematic structure

that we have to fight.

And do our utmost

to ensure that this is rectified

and improves.

And for that,

we also have to look at ourselves,

see what we have done wrong

and not just what the other person

has done wrong.

And, well,

that's it.

[somber music resumes playing]

IF I WERE LUÍSA SONZA

[music continues]

[music ends]