Kama Sutra Rides Again (1971)

[GabrielAlejo2341]

Many people live dull, boring, gray, monotonous, dreary, uninteresting lives.

But not my wife, Ethel and I. Oh, no.

We believe in variety.

Variety, my friends, is the spice of life.

For instance, we have several varieties of pets.

Ethel has her driving lessons, and I frequently dabble in oils.

Then, of course, we always go down to our cottage in the Gobi Desert for the first two weeks in July.

But where Ethel and I find variety most rewarding is in making love.

There are, of course, many excellent manuals available on this subject.

And I am sure that most adult persons are familiar with the more orthodox positions shown in these erstwhile tones.

They show us how an intimate and lasting relationship between an adult couple can be enhanced and enriched through an awareness of the full variety of sexual techniques.

Ethel and I have tried all these with varying degrees of satisfaction.

But by applying a little imagination, you can discover new horizons of ecstasy, fulfillment, and post-preantic diversions that will amaze you.

To demonstrate, I call this position "La Bruette", which loosely translated means the wheelbarrow.

This is quite easy for the neo feet.

A little more ambitious, perhaps, is "La Biceclette".

My advice is to practice this a few times around the garden before venturing abroad.

[CRASH]

A word of caution.

The crossbar can be chilly in inclement weather.

The next one we call "Tarzan".

[TARZAN CRY]

Although a few strategically placed cushions can make this position more acceptable.

Quite a pleasant way, I call "Les Esculateur" which should be practiced going up a descending staircase.

Standing up in a hammock, I find entirely unsatisfactory.

But, tastes differ, so try it once.

I call this "Les Patineuse".

I advise you not to try this on ice skates until you are fully competent.

For homes with la ramp or banisters, a little appetizer is always welcome.

[CRASH]

For those with more dramatic tastes, I call this one "La Guillotine".

Fresh air fans will appreciate "Le Para".

And "Les naughty, naughty cows".

Well, so much for the simpler variations.

However, it is the duty of the artist, and Ethel and I regard ourselves as such, to make full use of present-day technology.

So bearing this in mind, here is a little construction, I think, rather droll.

It is "La Machine-a-tapier".

[BELL DING]

One of Ethel's favorites is "La Crempon des Fers", or "Stapler".

It is a bit unsuitable late at night, because the neighbors complain about the noise.

Finally, we come to our piece de resistance.

I call it "The Stuntsman".

Coming down from about 50 feet, you will complete a 3 and a half somersault, combined with a 1 and 3-quarter corkscrew, to join me at point A.

Is that clear?

Right, synchronize watches.

This little number is strictly for the expert.

We perform this one without the aid of either safety net or contraceptive.

Unfortunately, we have not yet perfected this routine.

Have we, Ethel?

[MUMBLED SPEAKING]

Hmm, that gives me an idea.

Stanley.