Scariest Woman Alive (2023)

[bunniefuu]

(mechanism whirring)

[Darcy] Roz, are we gonna be okay?

(birds calling)

(tires crunching)

(tires crunching)

As you guys can see,

this is the mechanical room.

Uh, we'll start, down here is a water tank,

which has all your water for upstairs.

(coughs) It comes down through here

to your hot water heater,

and you give this a

quarter turn to turn it on

so that your water's hot for baths

and washing dishes and stuff.

You move across here, and

underneath is a bank of batteries

that supplies all your power

for your lighting upstairs.

And last, but far from

least, is the generator,

which supplies all your

110 power for upstairs.

But you have to be conservative, you know?

It does have limitations.

[Darcy] Well, thanks for everything.

(truck beeping) (gentle music)

(truck starts)

(suitcase rattling)

- It's fine.

- Mm.

Yeah.

(gentle music)

(Darcy sighs)

- Come on.

(suitcases clattering) (Roz whispering)

[Darcy] Oh my God.

Wow. This place is so

much bigger than I thought.

Look at the view.

Oh, there's two bedrooms.

[Darcy] Yeah, that's, that's cool.

[Roz] What?

[Darcy] What?

Well, you just made it sound

like it wasn't a good thing.

Well, will you just please

share the bunk bed with me?

Wait, really?

I, (sighs) I just can't

sleep in pitch-black silence.

I need the sound of

someone breathing next to me.

(laughs) g*dd*mn it, Darce.

Just think about it.

Okay. Okay.

I'll sleep in the bunk

bed. Not next to you.

It'll be above or below.

Thank you. Thank God.

I just wish I didn't know

that you would be listening

to me (laughs) breathing.

(wind rumbling)

(Darcy sighs)

(bag crinkles)

- Oh, damn it, Roz,

I wasn't ready.

You're fine.

(bag crinkling)

No, no.

Oh, that sucks.

How did this happen?

I mean, probably in the car,

maybe when I threw them at your face.

(Darcy groans)

Darcy, it's fine.

They're chips. We have more.

But these are my, my comfort chips.

The other chips are for when

I eat all of my comfort chips.

Okay, so do I factor

into the chip eating here at all, or no?

Roz, will you just let me feel this?

Okay. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

I'm gonna go down

here for a little bit, okay?

(footsteps tapping)

(Darcy sighs)

Hey Darce.

(Darcy sighs)

(footsteps crunching)

(birds chirping)

(footsteps crunching)

(flies buzzing)

So what? Are you the original owner?

You don't have to be all

coy. You were here first.

(gentle music)

(cows lowing)

(gentle music)

Hey Roz? (Footsteps pattering)

Hey Roz?

Hey Roz?

- Rosalind!

- What?

(sighs) Oh my God.

What are you doing in there?

I'm pooping. Can I poop in peace?

Why are you pooping in there?

Because it's an outhouse,

one, and also, it's fun.

It's like part of being up here.

You should try it. Come in when I'm done.

I'd rather just dig a hole

in the ground or something.

That's literally what this is.

It's a hole in the ground

with the building over it.

Someone did it for you already.

(Darcy panting)

(door clicks)

Come on.

- Do you wanna go in?

- No.

(gentle music)

Okay, so it's on.

- The light's on.

- It's on.

Yeah, it's on.

- You can hear it.

- It's on.

All right.

I think that if we wanna turn it off,

we push it until...

- Click.

- Click. Right, yeah.

Same thing with turning it back on, right?

Push it 'til you hear it click.

Click. Okay, click.

Okay. Repeat it back to

me just so I know you know.

So it's on.

If we wanna turn it off,

we we press it down,

and then we'll hear a click,

and then the water stops coming out.

Sure.

Great.

I don't remember.

Okay.

(door clicking and rattling)

Okay, try it.

(door rattling)

Yeah, it's locked.

(door clicking and rattling)

(Darcy sighs)

(blanket rustling)

Yes.

(Roz sighs)

(footsteps crunching)

(birds chirping)

(cows lowing)

(birds chirping continues)

(cows lowing) (Roz sighs)

(can cracks)

(Roz sighs)

(flies buzzing)

(cows lowing)

(Roz breathes deeply)

(cows lowing) (flies buzzing)

(Roz breathing heavily)

(cows lowing) (birds chirping)

(wind blowing)

(footsteps thumping)

Darcy. Darce.

Darcy, wake up. It's

not time to go to bed yet.

Leave me be. I'm chip mourning.

(laughs) Chip Morning sounds

like a meteorologist name.

(both laugh)

Okay. Okay.

I'm up. Your breath is hot on me.

(laughs) I thought you

needed my breath near you.

(wind whistling)

(wind whistling continues) (birds chirping)

(wind whistling continues)

(birds chirping continues)

(wind whistling continues)

(wind whistling continues)

(fire crackling)

[Roz] Darce, you're cooking.

Oh sh*t. (Blows)

(metal clatters)

Oh, come on. It's a marshmallow.

You keep throwing food at my face.

That's the worst thing

that I'm gonna do to you.

I'm not gonna leave you.

Sorry.

You good?

I am good sometimes.

Remember I had to print my

divorce documents at Staples

because he took the

printer with him when he left?

Yeah. (Sniffs)

It's okay. You can laugh.

I mean, what a tragedy, right?

Staples? Come on.

And the self-service

printers weren't working,

so, (laughs) and the Staples man

had to take it behind the counter.

And he looked at me and said,

"Oh, what folder is it under?"

- (laughs) Oh no.

- Yeah.

I couldn't speak.

And yeah,

he looked at me.

He said, "Okay, I'm gonna

say the first three letters"

of the folder.

"D-I-V."

- Darcy.

- I know, I know.

I should have named the

folder like Dream Vacations

or Rising Sign or something.

(laughs) Man, you're a trooper.

I am a shell of the woman I used to be.

Yeah, but you're like

a sparkly, shiny shell.

I'm not so sure coming up here

was a great cure for the loneliness.

No offense.

We haven't even been here

a full day. And it's a process.

Come on, we're processing. Process with me.

(fire crackling continues)

(branches cracking)

I am gonna need the bag.

Yeah.

(bag crinkling)

(trees creaking)

(footsteps crunching)

(both spit)

(water splashing)

(Darcy swishing and gargling)

(toothbrush taps)

(Darcy breathing heavily)

(bed creaking)

(bed creaking)

(crickets chirping)

(door slides)

(phone rings faintly)

Hi, babe.

I am good. How are you?

I just wanna hear your voice.

I'm good. I'm good.

Just had a full day. (Gentle music)

(sighs) She's just kind of rough.

No, no, she's not a monster.

She just went through a breakup.

Yeah, I feel fine.

I mean, we're up in the

mountains, so maybe it's just like,

it's some altitude stuff, but I'm good.

I'm good.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm good. I'm good.

I'm doing good.

Babe? Hello?

Hello? (Gentle music continues)

sh*t.

(Roz sighs)

(door slides)

(objects rustling faintly)

(bed creaking)

(Roz sighs)

(pan sizzling)

(dishes clattering)

What is this?

(gasps) I make the

breakfast for my friend.

Yeah, I'm supposed to do that.

I know I don't bake or cook,

but (sighs) I woke up feeling a lot better.

That's not why we're here.

We're here for you to

process, to let it out, cry.

Go sleep on that thing again.

You know, I don't need

this Betty Crocker bullshit.

Why can't you just accept

that I'm doing something nice.

Deal with my meal.

You know, I, uh,

I realize I wasn't the, uh, head chef

and I was the head hostess,

but it's gonna be really good.

Mm. It does smell really good.

I sat the rudest assholes on my weekends.

You did not.

Plus your weekends

were like Monday, Tuesday.

Those are the best days.

Mm. Same with you.

[Roz] Okay, we had the best weekends.

Oof, no lines, no brunch crowds.

No, but I can't believe

we met potential lovers

with that schedule.

Yeah.

(groans) I f*cked up the eggs, man.

Yeah, you did.

So what do you wanna do?

This puzzle is puzzling.

I think I'm just gonna do this.

Wow. All day?

What did you have in mind?

I don't know, like go outside,

use my hands, get dirty.

I am.

All right. Fine.

I'm gonna go use my hands outside.

Cool, Roz. Enjoy using your hands.

(footsteps tapping)

(birds chirping)

(footsteps crunching)

(ax thumps)

(Roz sighs)

(log thunks)

(log clatters) (Roz laughs)

(footsteps crunching)

(metal piece clatters)

(metal pieces clattering)

(metal clinking)

(metal clinking)

(Roz laughs)

(Roz laughs)

(Darcy sighs)

I'm so good at this. (Laughs)

It's easier when there's holes in the ball.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Oh, come on. You didn't even try.

(footsteps crunching)

(birds chirping) (wind blowing)

(birds chirping continues)

(Roz sighs)

(birds chirping continues)

Darcy?

Darce?

(birds calling)

Darcy? (Footsteps crunching)

Darcy!

Darce.

Darcy? (Panting)

If I wanted take a solo trip,

I would've taken a solo trip.

I would've driven out here

and just dropped you off in the woods.

People are gonna think

I m*rder*d her. (Laughs)

They're gonna think I m*rder*d her.

No, no, no, no, no. Blame

it on her ex, the breakup.

I'm crazy, crazy, crazy.

She's processing. She's processing.

Darcy!

f*ck.

(birds chirping) (wind blowing)

Darcy!

(footsteps crunching) (birds chirping)

(footsteps rustling)

Oh hi there.

No service on this rock.

You don't say.

Ugh, I thought I'd at

least be able to refresh.

(laughs) Darcy.

Darce, darling, Darcy, give me your phone.

Why are you being weird?

Me? Weird?

Yeah. I'm allowed to check my phone.

We are in nature.

Okay, we're here to get away from that.

Okay, cool.

I'm just, just gimme one,

just gimme one sec.

Dude, no! Dude!

f*ck!

(Roz panting)

You keep throwing my

things and breaking them.

Why?

It was meant to land

in a soft land. (Panting)

This would all be

easier if I were a widow.

(birds chirping continues)

(footsteps crunching)

(both laughing)

(footsteps crunching)

(water splashing)

(tone rumbling)

(tone rumbling continues)

(intense music)

(footsteps crunching)

- Ow.

- You okay?

Yeah.

- Splinter?

- Yeah. It's okay.

(log thumps)

Jesus. (Roz laughs)

How'd you get to be such an ace chopper?

I don't know. Natural, I guess.

- You wanna try?

- Uh.

- Come on. I'll show you.

- Yeah, okay.

Just make sure you stand

with your legs far apart, right?

Far enough away from the chopping block.

- Uh-huh.

- So that when you reach down,

you're not chopping your feet.

One hand, you're right-handed, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- Right hand up top,

left hand on your base, like that.

- Mm-hmm.

- Most important thing

is do not let go of the ax.

- Okay?

- Mm-hmm.

Raise it up, use your

momentum to bring it down.

- Okay?

- Okay.

And I'm not a pro.

That's just the way I do it.

- Looked good to me.

- Do not let go of the ax.

Okay.

Let me get outta your way.

Remember, wide stance.

Get a little closer. I guess

you're longer than me.

(log thumps)

- Try it again.

- There you go.

- Let's try. Okay.

- Don't let it go.

Remember, use your momentum.

- Okay.

- Up, down.

Watch out.

(log thumps)

- There you go.

Yeah.

- Kind of fun.

- We'll use it.

Oh, I did do it.

Here. Try this one.

This one might actually split

'cause there's like a

line through the middle.

Okay. All right.

All right.

Remember, get a little

closer, little bit closer.

- Watch out.

- Remember, raise it...

Nope, nope, turn the ax around.

- Oh God.

- Yep.

Okay. (Roz laughs)

- Don't let go.

- Don't let go.

(wood clatters)

f*ck yeah.

Oh my God. Okay, enough, enough.

(Darcy sighs)

- To?

- Day two.

- To two.

- To two.

And old friends.

(sighs) And old friends,

classic cheers go-to.

Friends, near far,

in heaven. (Glass clinks)

And hell. (Glass clinks)

(Roz laughs)

(Darcy sighs)

Oh. (Groans)

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

Oh, this is not, this is not okay.

Just put some seasoning on it.

How is seasoning gonna help?

The pasta's not cooked through.

Darce, I don't know. I'm

just trying to help your pasta.

Oh.

I even, I even threw it at a wall,

you know, to see if it'd stick.

- Did it?

- No, no. (Laughs)

(Roz laughs) No, no, no.

Ugh.

(Darcy laughs)

- Oh.

- Did it stick?

- Mm.

(shaker rattles)

Oh.

(cutlery clattering)

Oh.

(Roz laughs)

Oh, it did help.

Listen to the chef.

(wind howling)

(Darcy crunching)

I'll clean up all the crumbs,

okay? Just gimme a second.

I don't mind them having a snack,

but can you do it in the kitchen please?

(Darcy crunching)

(sighs) Fine. Give

me some. (Bag crinkling)

(Roz crunching)

(trees rustling)

(wood thumping)

(Roz gasps)

Darcy. Darcy.

Darcy's not here.

(intense music)

Oh God.

Sh-sh-sh-sh.

Darcy, Darcy, Darcy.

Oh my God, oh! (Roz shushing)

What are you... Shh, stop.

What are you, why are you smothering?

'Cause you don't shut up.

- Where did you go?

- I'm right here.

I'm hearing sh*t outside.

- What kind of sh*t?

- I don't know.

- Okay.

- I think I'm losing my mind.

Listen, I'm here. I'm here.

Wanna go check it out?

- Yeah? Okay.

- You should go check it out.

Okay. We should go check it out.

Okay? Let's go check it out.

Oh my God. Oof.

(intense music continues)

[Roz] Okay. It's nothing.

I'm losing it. I just imagined it.

[Darcy] No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't just wake me up like that.

I just peed my shorts a little,

and you just imagined some sounds?

[Roz] I should go, I

should go look right?

[Darcy] Yes.

[Roz] But you're not,

you're not coming with me?

[Darcy] I, (sighs) I didn't

think you needed me to.

[Roz] Well, I do.

(door creaks)

I don't hear it anymore.

Oh God. I don't feel good.

I need a seltzer.

Will you get home from the basement?

Okay. Okay, we are in this.

And no, I will not do that.

(intense music continues)

Oh, come out, come out, you

non-committal son of a b*tch.

(eerie music)

Oh my God! You horrid woman.

(Roz laughs) Get out of here.

You still having those dreams?

(Roz sighs)

They'll stop eventually. They'll stop.

(birds chirping) (Roz whispering)

(hummingbird buzzing)

[Roz] They like red.

[Darcy] Hmm?

Hummingbirds, they like the color red.

Hmm.

(birds chirping continues)

Oh, wow.

You said they like red.

Yeah, not all over your body.

Here, put this on.

Okay. What happens next?

You just stand still.

(birds fluttering)

(Roz sniffing)

Oh, hey guys. What's going on?

Cora.

Cora Berth had passed away

peacefully on May 11th, 2018.

Native New Englander,

Cora spent much of her life

on the coast of Maine

doing what she loved most,

teaching kindergarten.

After retiring, Cora relocated to Wyoming

to be close to her daughter, Johanna.

Though a challenging move for Cora,

she built a loving family and friends

through her many clubs and activities.

Cora proudly spent her

entire life in a wheelchair

due to an illness from her childhood.

She would often joke

that she had stronger arms

than the PE teachers.

She'll be remembered for her warm smile,

delicious blueberry

buckle, and incredible spirit.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made

to Bridges of Wyoming.

Hi, Cora.

I think a bear tried to eat this soap.

(water splashing) Oh gosh.

(groans) Okay, okay, okay.

- You okay in there?

- Yeah, this wasp,

it just keeps landing on the soap,

so I'm just trying to wait it out. (Laughs)

Ooh.

Would you write my obituary?

[Darcy] You don't look dead to me.

Well, (laughs) I know,

but just so I don't have to worry about it?

Yeah, sure. What about Casey?

Oh, no, she's too emotional. (Sniffs)

She cried once when we changed Tuba's food.

Just think that you'd

write something funny, so.

Rosalind Bernadette Peters-Watts,

known to many of us lucky folks as Roz.

Oh, she cooked eggs like a son of a b*tch.

She could scramble eggs like

a rock on a hot summer day.

She ate slower than a

turtle getting its nails done.

She was quiet in her own right,

but man, could she tear a*s.

We will all miss her dearly,

but we know that her spirit

will live on with us forever.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made

to her best friend to pay for her therapy

and oatmeal cream pies.

Yeah, those are kind of cheap, you know?

[Darcy] cheap and delicious,

Roz's nickname in college.

(sniffs) See? That wasn't so hard.

(birds chirping)

(footsteps crunching)

(Darcy sighs)

(Darcy sniffles)

(Darcy breathes deeply)

Well, thanks, I guess.

Thanks for the time we had.

You know, I'm just, I'm just

not understanding the ways

in which this had to go down, but...

You know, I'm still really

mad, still really mad,

but I'm watching the sunset on a mountain,

so thanks for that.

(Darcy sniffles and breathes deeply)

Just, you know,

no more lessons, okay?

You know, I think I've

learned all the things.

You know, learning to put my phone away,

stop looking at old pictures.

(birds chirping continues)

(sighs) But isn't it so amazing?

Just three swipes your finger.

Ugh. You'd just be in a different lifetime.

(birds chirping continues)

(hummingbirds chittering)

Okay, so wait. Time out.

That is the tiniest pot I've ever seen

and you're cooking spaghetti in that?

Should I, I should do a bigger one.

Wait, put the lid back on it.

(Roz cackles)

Well, I don't know what to...

It's not, it's, I should

do a bigger pot, yeah?

- Uh, yeah.

- Okay.

- Is there one?

- Yes.

That actually matches the lid.

- Well, why are you,

- why would you?

- I don't know.

Do you want me to cook?

No. Well, you probably should.

I mean.

Can you, you need to time it.

Everyone's, you know

what's funny is everyone

is scared to cook for me.

It's really, really sad.

I never-

I'm not afraid to cook for you.

I never get a home

cooked meal from anybody,

'cause I think that I'm

just gonna be judging him.

Yeah, well, I'm not afraid.

I just know it's gonna

taste better if you do it.

That is a fire hazard if I ever saw one.

We're, we're, um, we're getting there.

Okay, what's the coolest thing

we've ever done?

- The coolest?

- Yeah.

Oh God.

I mean, one time we

cut each other's toenails.

Oh my gosh, no.

That's, that's not what I meant, at all.

(laughs) Well, okay,

we have different definitions of cool.

That was a really sad night.

[Roz] (laughs) But hey.

I mean, it got better

because of that, I guess,

but that was not a good night.

(crickets chirping)

Oh, I got you. I got you.

(fire crackling)

Wow. I've never known you to lead.

Maybe it's the altitude.

Maybe.

Oh, sh**t. I'm not left-handed.

I don't know how to do this side.

(laughs) You know what?

- Not the altitude, see?

- Well.

Maybe it's your dancing partner.

- Uh-huh. (Laughs)

- (laughs) Sorry.

I will never do that voice again.

That was good. Ugh.

- Oh, whoops.

- What is that move?

The punch you in the face move.

(laughs) Yeah.

Yeah, you're better

than you think you are.

- That was good.

- Thank you. Thank you.

I am not divorced.

What? What?

I'm not divorced, you know?

Come here, come here, come here.

We've been through this before.

We're just working things out, you know?

I'm not gonna be alone.

No, you're not gonna be alone.

I'm gonna be okay.

You're 100% gonna be okay.

- Yeah.

- Hmm.

I just really, I just really

want a separation from me.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I want a separation from me, too.

Let's do it together. We'll sync together.

Oh, you gotta catch up.

Hey. Do not have to catch up.

At least you don't make everyone

feel uncomfortable around you.

Yes, I do.

- No, you don't.

- Stem, Staples gentleman.

Okay. At least you didn't

have to lose all your hair.

Well, at least you didn't have

to watch your husband

start dating your friend.

Mm.

At least you didn't have

to lose your glorious rack.

Hmm.

Well, at least (sighs)

You didn't have to live in the apartment

that you used to share

with your partner, alone.

All right.

At least you didn't have to

worry about almost dying.

Yeah, but I wanted to.

- Darcy, that's terrible.

- I'm sorry. You win.

No, no, it's a tie. It's a tie.

(fire crackling continues)

Holy f*ck, Darcy it is so hot.

We have to go sleep on the deck.

Hmm?

Come on, let's go sleep on the deck.

- It's too hot.

- Okay.

(Roz grunts) (blankets rustling)

(crickets chirping)

(birds chirping)

(wind blowing) (flies buzzing)

(hummingbird buzzing) (Roz sighs)

Okay, so just hold this

down until you hear a click.

(fist thumps) f*ck.

- Hey, Darcy?

- Mm-hmm?

Did you turn this on and off yesterday?

Yeah, I did, successfully.

Okay. Yeah, I don't, I

don't know about that.

Um, when you turned it on,

walk me through what you did.

Okay.

- I, I pushed it down.

- Okay.

- I waited for the click.

- Yes.

- It turned on.

- Mm-hmm.

- And it was running.

- Mm-hmm.

And then you turned it off?

Hmm.

Yes.

(footsteps tapping)

(sighs) Son of a.

Let me know if I can help at all.

(laughs) Guessing

you didn't do this right?

Oh my God.

It's probably an animal.

- Bit it?

- I guess so.

(sighs) Well, that's that.

- That's what?

- Well, we can't stay here

if we don't have access to fresh water.

Maybe you should just give him a call.

(Roz sighs)

f*ck. Nothing.

Remember when he said,

"Don't hesitate to reach

out if you need anything"?

Well, this is me not hesitating.

Okay, well, we've got water bottles,

so (sighs) we can use those for drinking.

Yeah, but what about cooking, cleaning?

I don't think this man

deserves a clean dish right now.

- We do have the outhouse.

- Mm-hmm.

- The outdoor shower.

- Mm-hmm.

See? It's just like before.

- Huh?

- What?

I just, I figured this would

be an easy out for you.

I'm just, I'm just processing, you know?

Just like you said to.

I'm just, I'm just

sitting here, processing.

(water swishing)

Hey Roz. I found the f*ck' jackpot!

Yes! Wait, maybe smell it.

- Make sure it's water.

- Oh yeah.

(Darcy inhales)

Yeah, it's water.

(jug thunks)

- Oh boy.

(footsteps thumping)

(Darcy groans)

(Darcy groans)

(jug thunking)

(Darcy sighs)

(light switch flicking)

Hey.

I'm gonna need you in here.

(Roz sighs)

I am having a really

hard time understanding

how both the generator and the lights

kick the bucket in the same day.

Any words of wisdom for this one?

Well, we have a large amount of candles.

(match hisses)

[Roz] sh*t.

(matches clattering)

(match hisses)

Okay, so ace is four,

king is three, queen is two, jack is one,

ace is high, deuce is low.

If you have trump, you have to play trump.

Whoa. Whoa.

Can we call that part something different?

Oh yeah.

If you have trumpet,

you have to play trumpet.

So if trumpet is clubs,

you have to play clubs.

Make sense?

I, (laughs)

I'm so glad Paloma's not

here to hear you explain that,

'cause she did the way you explained stuff,

and I have no idea if I

have clubs or not. (Laughs)

It's amazing I wasn't

fired my first week.

Okay. You bid first.

- One.

- Can't bid one.

Gotta bid at least two.

Okay, two.

Yeah, she hated the

way you explained stuff,

but she loved you.

Mm, uh, she loved us.

Ah, you know, in that,

like, f*cked up kind of way.

She didn't love Louise Trop.

Oh, you also don't have to

bid. You can pass if you want.

Remember when she called her a carnt?

(laughs) Yeah, I don't

think I've ever been so scared.

She was a d*ck, but like,

- that was insane, yeah.

- Insane, yeah.

Why do you think she did it?

I have no idea, Roz.

I mean, she knew, you know?

She knew that we were both

working that same morning.

She knew that we worked at the same time.

She knew I was going in the kitchen.

Paloma was the scariest woman alive.

She had to remind us one last time.

(Roz laughs softly)

Why'd she have to use my good knife?

I'm just really glad you

didn't have to see that.

[Darcy] Think I could have handled it?

I don't think anybody

should have to handle that.

Pitch?

(footsteps crunching)

(sighs) Are you the one

making everything fall apart?

(branches cracking)

All right. Use that

whistle that I put in there

- if you get in trouble, okay?

- Okay.

There's food, water, and

sunscreen in there now.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, no problem.

Oh, I feel really good about this.

You know, I won't have my phone.

I can't use it anyway

'cause I don't have service.

Well, yeah, and also I broke it.

Right.

What do you do if you encounter a bear?

Exactly.

And if you get lost, property line.

Property line.

I mean, doing this is not gonna help you.

I'm just showing you where it is.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

You got this. You're gonna be great.

You own these woods.

(footsteps crunching)

[Darcy] I own these woods!

(pages rustling)

(wind rustling) (flies buzzing)

(Darcy sighs)

(bag zips)

(flies buzzing)

(bottle cap clicking)

(bag zips)

(darts clatter)

(darts clatter)

Oh.

(darts clatter) Roz, you played softball.

(Roz claps)

(branches crackling) (flies buzzing)

(bag zips)

(sighs) Okay.

(Darcy panting)

(bag clips)

(footsteps crunching)

(birds chirping)

(intense music)

(generator rumbling)

(intense music continues)

(gentle music)

(footstep crunching)

(birds chirping)

(intense music)

(stick dragging) (footsteps crunching)

(intense music continues)

(footsteps crunching)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(footsteps crunching)

(intense music)

(ax thumping) (intense music continues)

(Roz breathing heavily)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(footsteps pattering) (intense music)

(Roz sighs)

(Roz sniffs)

(Roz sniffling)

(Roz crying)

(phone thumps)

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

(water rustling)

(bright music)

(water rustling)

(intense music)

(objects rustling)

(metal clinking)

(objects rustling) (Roz whispering)

(intense music)

(intense music continues)

Darcy!

(intense music continues)

(branches cracking)

(intense music continues)

(Darcy speaking faintly)

(intense music continues)

(Darcy speaking faintly)

- Come here.

- Yeah, yeah. I'm coming.

I wanna show you this tree.

Okay.

(Darcy panting)

This tree, this tree is really old.

This tree's like 150 years old.

Yeah, that's old.

[Roz] I mean, maybe it's like 200.

I don't know. I'm just guesstimating.

You really, you can't tell

until you chop them down,

look at the rings.

(intense music continues)

You gonna chop that tree

down with those scissors?

(sighs) You can also tell by

measuring the circumference,

because once you chop the tree down,

(laughs) you k*ll it.

I'm so sorry, Darcy.

I am so sorry.

(intense music continues)

(footsteps crunching)

Hey, Roz?

Hey, Roz?

(sighs) Just looking for the property line.

Property line.

It's just, it's just, it's this way.

Okay. I think I remember that bush.

I don't know. I think that bush was there.

Okay.

All right, yep, we'll get

there. We'll get there.

Just everything was fine until

she hugged that f*cking tree.

(footsteps crunching)

(bag zips) (gentle music)

(Darcy groans)

(Darcy groans) (clock ticking)

(Darcy sighs)

(birds chirping)

Hey Roz, it's me.

I know you're comfortable

out there in nature,

but you know if, if you wanna come back,

I am over this way, over here.

Roz!

(footsteps crunching)

(insects hissing)

(fork tapping)

(hummingbird buzzing and chirping)

(intense music)

(footsteps crunching)

The weirdest thing happened.

(Darcy sighs)

I came home to an unlocked house.

[Darcy] What'd you

think, I'd lock you out?

Why didn't you come in?

I don't know. It was nice out.

I wanted to sway.

Don't tell me it's not gonna come back.

And if it does come

back, it's gotta come off.

It's what she said.

(scissors clatter)

(Darcy sighs)

Everything is just,

it's just a constant

stream of endless sh*t.

(hummingbird buzzing)

(birds chirping) (wind rustling)

I miss you, but I won't be done with you.

(thunder rumbling)

I won't be done with you.

(wind whistling) (birds chirping)

(thunder rumbling)

(footsteps crunching)

(birds chirping)

(thunder rumbling)

(birds chirping continues)

(birds chirping continues)