01x09 - The Esthercist

[bunniefuu]

[eerie music plays]

[tranquil music playing]

[ominous music builds]

Thank you for choosing the Undervale.
I hope you enjoyed your stay.

All my shoes went missing,

and a voice in the mattress
whispered that it liked my bones.

And I hope you enjoyed that.

Check it out. Cursed snow globe.

-[Ben shudders]
-[eerie music plays]

Why do we get the same allowance
if you don't do any work?

Ben, this is my work.

While you're safe behind the desk, I'm
in the hallways where it all goes down,

collecting and protecting the hotel
from supernatural evils like this.

Oh yeah, that's worth a few bucks a week.

Please stop. [yelps]

Am I to understand you receive
regular payment from the matriarch?

-How long have you been there?
-Five days.

-Mom, I want more allowance.
-Mom, I want more than Ben.

Mom, I would also like allowance.

One, no. Two, nope.

Three, not your mom,

and you don't get allowance.

[all groan]

♪ Happy death day to me
Happy death day to me ♪

♪ Happy death day to Nathan
Happy death day to me ♪

♪ And many more ♪

Ah, can you believe I died a year ago?
What are we doing to celebrate?

Why would I celebrate the worst day
of my life and the last day of yours?

It's called rebranding, girlie pop.

Also, from what you told me,
I died doing what I loved.

Swallowing whole grapes until
I choked on one while watching Con Air.

Wow, I've never swallowed a grape whole.

Ben, it's exquisite. I just wish
I remembered the grape that got me.

-You don't remember the day you died?
-Most ghosts don't remember how they died.

Probably a defense mechanism
against the horror of crossing over

to a new plane of reality.

-Anyway, happy death day!
-[Katherine yelps]

-[eerie music plays]
-I love it.

Finally, a snow globe that's honest
about how creepy snow globes are.

Thank you, Esther, for honoring my death.
Give that thing a shake.

-You got it.
-Please don't.

-No one celebrates death days.
-[rumbling]

-What's a cake cost? Twenty bucks?
-Uh, so the sky is turning black.

-I can honor your death…
-[Ben] The air's smelling like sulfur.

[lightning crackles]

-…whole grapes.
-He can make his own decisions.

Why can't I have allowance?

[thunder crashes]

[ominous screeching]

-There are smoking skulls.
-This is classic Katherine.

-I'll celebrate on your birthday.
-[screams]

Demon attack!

[all scream]

[dramatic music plays]

[jaunty supernatural music playing]

[music fades]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[demons screeching]

Don't look back. Keep running.

This isn't good for my ankle thing!

Get to the parlor!
I can hold them off there. [yelps]

Maybe the smoke isn't bad!

Maybe this is the kind of demon smoke
that just wants to talk!

I've got a package for Ben Freeling.
Some kind of mannequin?

-The mailman is evil now.
-What was that about a mannequin?

[Ben] I have a ghost girlfriend
and we're trying something!

-We're almost there!
-So is the smoke.

Don't worry, I'll hold it off!
Ghosts beat demons, remember?

Nathan!

[Nathan grunts]

[groans] All good!

[Nathan groans]

Got these guys… [groans]

…right where I want 'em! [yelps]

Mom, get inside!

[Nathan groans]

[Nathan yelps]

[demons screech]

[dramatic music continues]

[grunts]

[demon screeches]

[music stops]

-[gasps] They're leaving!
-We did it!

Did we?

[ominous music playing]

Stabby!

[panting, grunts]

Candles!

[deer howls]

[snarls]

That'll be a fun challenge
for the hunting community.

[Nathan groans]

Ha. You should see the other guy.

[yelps]

-Yeah, that's him.
-What is this?

Salt. So long as the line's unbroken,
demons can't cross it.

Got it. Quick Q for ya.
Does it have to be my fancy sea salt?

I figured something like this
would happen eventually, so…

[yelps]

…I set up the parlor as a panic room.

Got stuff to fight vampires,
wendigos, tulpas, Ben.

-Uh, why Ben?
-In case you go rogue. I get it.

I also made fanny packs with salt to
fight demons and granola to fight hunger.

-Can you do something about them?
-[demon screeches]

Oh, I'll turn this smoke into a joke.
Give me a few minutes.

-And I'll call for help.
-From who?

Not the postal service.
That mailman got possessed fast.



Which is why I'm calling the Vatican.
They're the cops of demons. Pope, please.

I'll check the salt lines.
Nathan, watch for demons trying to get in.

-I already see one.
-[dramatic music plays]

[whistles] Cats and dogs out there.

-I didn't know I could whistle.
-Abaddon, who are these guys?

So you assume I know them? Why?

Because we're all "demons"?

Raised in the same primordial ichor,

destined to subjugate mankind
when the nine stars of morning align?

Yes?

They're the spawn of Rabisu, an ancient
Assyrian demon who was mean to me.

They were clearly summoned.

Probably with that relic
covered in Assyrian symbols.

-Esther!
-He said probably!

I got through!

Hi. My home is currently being attacked
by Assyrian demons.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Sorry, permission from who?

Got it.
Would you be able to transfer me? Great.

[whispers] They're transferring me.

Got it! Anti-possession talisman.

You made a talisman!

I can make a talisman.
If someone goes to get supplies.

-From outside this room?
-Yeah.

-Which we can't leave?
-Yeah.

-So we're still in huge trouble.
-Yeah.

What if Abaddon gets supplies?

-Abaddon is a demon.
-You remembered.

A demon who hates these demons,

and the demon enemy of my demon enemy
is my demon friend.

But this demon friend can't read,
write, or understand analogies,

and is terrified of wind chimes.

Only the wooden ones.

How will he remember what Esther needs
without a list?

"How will he remember"?

I remember the beginning of time,

when the veil of the beyond tore open,

and this planet spilled out
like a pebble from a god's shoe.

You tell me what you need,

and I will remember it
until the universe dies.

-And I would also like an allowance.
-That's a good deal, Kathy.

Oh, hello? Sorry, I thought
I heard a click. Still being transferred.

-[sighs] I guess we don't have a choice.
-Yes, yes, yes!

Okay, so I already have rat bones
and the blood of a m*rder*r.

I still need twine, cilantro,
cedar wood, and garlic.

You have the blood of a m*rder*r?

-What m*rder*r?
-Steven.

We have a plan.

I just hope this doesn't delay any
surprise parties you might have cooking.

I will not fail. That was an analogy.

It wasn't!

Speaking of life-and-death situations,

I get the sense
you don't want to talk about my death day.

You're still thinking about that now?

I told you, I don't like
to think about the day you died.

-Died and came back.
-Still had to plan a funeral.

You know, you don't always
have to avoid tough issues.

Avoid tough issues? I run a haunted hotel.

I'm letting my son date a ghost

and do something
I don't understand with a mannequin.

I'm fighting demons as we speak!

You don't talk about those things.
We've never talked about me dying.

And maybe I want to.

Well, I don't.

Mom! Your hand is in the salt!

What? Oh!

-[dramatic music playing]
-Oh!

Hey, the smoke detectors work!

-Ah, finally! Hello.
-Ben!

You may lose me for a minute.

Eat salt!

Well, nuts.

[groans]

[Esther gags]

[music fades]

Esther?

Esther's not here right now.

Release me!

So, no, right?

[strains]

-[Katherine] Grab her!
-This is Ben.

Do I have permission to yank your ankles?

[snarls]

Wow, that's all core strength.

-Get her down!
-[Ben] On it!

-[Ben grunts]
-[Katherine gasps]

-Get her down a better way.
-Ooh, hang on a sec.

Hi! Yes, so I've been on hold,
and now my sister is full-on possessed.

Uh-huh. You know what, I will ask.
Mom, was Esther baptized?

-No!
-Got it.

-Not as such.
-Tell them we're open to it.

[Esther snarls]

[grunts] Ha!

[tense music playing]

[yelping]

-[Esther cackles]
-[Katherine yells]

[suspenseful music playing]

Hmm.

Ha!

[whistles]

[music fades]

You think this will hold me?

I was born before the star
that lights your pathetic planet.

-I was born in a grocery store.
-Ben, don't talk to the demon.

Is anyone worried that the person
who knew how to fight demons

got herself possessed by a demon?

[strains] I didn't get possessed.
I got in the way of Ben getting possessed.

[groans]

And soon, my brothers will possess
and k*ll all of you.

I don't care how powerful you are.

My daughter gave us a way to fight you.

And any minute,
Abaddon is gonna walk through that door

with supplies to make it happen.

[knocking on door]

I got the buttons.

Abaddon, what is this?

One hundred buttons, as requested.

The request was for five things,
and none of them were buttons.

Mm, I don't think so.

In Abaddon's defense, there are
some really nice buttons in here.

Wait, uh, some of these are raisins.

Ben, we might need your plan after all.

Really? Because I just got off the phone
with Cardinal Silveri,

and he said if I sent you
proof of possession, that you could've…

No, no, no. No, no, no.
Don't transfer me back.

Ciao, Cardinal Silveri.

Or we can send Abaddon out again.

-You've barely touched the buttons.
-Because we don't need buttons! [sighs]

He's stalling.
He wants you to be possessed.

You want us to be possessed.
He's just unreliable.

-You think I'm unreliable?
-I think you're technically on our side.

Are you sure?

Would someone who's on your side
put pennies in your mouth while you sleep?

Ha! Okay, you can't just make up--

That's you?
I thought I had a sleep disorder.

You get pennies? Huh. I get nickels.

-They do the same thing.
-Which is what?

And how'd the demon know about it?

I see your secrets in your souls
as clearly as your faces.

Which is how I know he will betray you.

As he betrayed the dryer
by tumbling inside of it too much.

-You broke the dryer?
-It burns and thrashes me like hell.

And now I have to hang clothes to dry,

and all the ghosts pretend
they're wearing my bras.

Really shouldn't
have those in the dryer anyway.

And so the first domino falls,

trust frays, and the sheep… [mumbles]

The demon is trying to divide us,
which means it knows Abaddon can help us.

Here's the list of what we need.
I drew pictures of everything.

I will not fail you. And I will switch
to quarters in the future.

It's not about the type of…
Forget it. Ben, what are you doing?

Sending a pic to Cardinal Silveri.

What do you mean, empty chair?
Do you not appear in photographs?

[screeches] You think you're safe
because the demon is gone?

I know all your secrets.
The lies you tell each other.

Release me,
and we will make your death swift.

You think we have secrets that are so bad
we'd rather die than reveal them?

Nice try, but--

Katherine lost your ashes.

Lost my ashes?

You cremated me?

When I specifically told you
since we were kids

that I wanted my body
to be shot out of a cannon

and onto a trampoline
that flings me into a pit of tigers?

That's not possible,
and even if it was, I can't afford it.

Probably because she's spending
all her money on crystals.

Crystals? Like the rocks?

They have proven healing properties.
And I… Pssh, I only have a few.

-She has 200 in her closet.
-They do different things.

Guys, we can't let this demon divide us.

Ben sells guest room furniture
to buy magic tricks.

Is that why lamps keep going missing?

I'll buy a thousand lamps
when I'm a wealthy magician.

-You don't hear about wealthy magicians.
-Don't steal from the hotel!

Maybe he wouldn't have to
if he got the same allowance as Esther.

-I thought we got the same allowance.
-You did. Until she wore me down.

-She's very persistent.
-I'm persistent!

I've been transferred five times.
And she doesn't even do hotel chores!

-Speaking of chores…
-Yeah, we're not doing this.

-Fine. Then you ask me a question.
-We're not doing that either.

Did Katherine ever have a plan
for my death day party?

-No.
-I knew it!

I already told you that.

And I hoped you were lying
to maintain the surprise.

I don't think we should use the demon
to dig up secrets.

Was the loan I gave Nathan five years ago
really for night classes?

That was just the name
of the horse he was betting on.

Did Katherine really get a storage unit
for my Beanie Baby collection?

She threw them out last year.

How and why is Nathan recording
hours of women's wrestling on the TV?

That's Ben! And you know why.

Okay, I didn't want
to get involved, but fine.

Which one of you keeps pouring
warm water in my bed while I sleep?

That's pee. And it's yours.

Well, back to the phone for me.

-What really happened to my dog?
-What did Katherine say to my girlfriend?

[suspenseful music playing]

[blows]

[clears throat]

Uh… Hmm.

-[footsteps patter]
-Mm.

Abaddon of the Gerasenes.

Annuna, that mailer of men
is under my protection.

He hoisted me into his van
and let me press the horn.

Then come and claim him.

-[yells]
-[music stops]

-Simple question, yes or no?
-Okay, okay, fine.

I don't think
your short stories are very good.

Oh, oh, oh! Do you know how long
it takes Ben to type those up?

Effort doesn't equal quality!

Look, let's all calm down.
We're letting this demon get to us.

I actually don't think
the demon has said anything in a while.

I was just waiting my turn.

Nathan, why don't you ask your sister
why she won't celebrate your death day?

Because it's sad.

Is that the reason?
Or is it because you feel too guilty?

Wait, why would you feel guilty?

Aw. Hey, little guy.

-[deer shrieks]
-[yelps] Demon deer!

It's okay. It's okay.
They can't cross the…

[suspenseful music playing]

[snarls]

…salt line.

The salt betrayed us! Run!

[Esther cackles]

[Ben grunts]

-[Ben yells]
-[demons screech]

[Nathan screams]

The demons are in the deer now.

-I'm getting nibbled back here!
-This way!

[Nathan yells]

[yelps]

Ben, it's now or never.

As a matter of fact, I won't hold,
because my family is about to die,

so I need a g*dd*mn priest
at this g*dd*mn hotel right g*dd*mn now!

[exhales] Thank you.

So they can send someone in a week.

Esther, now would be a really good time
to fight this thing.

And I think it's a good time
to talk about Nathan's--

Talk about Nathan's what?
And why'd she say you felt guilty?

Nathan, it's not a good time
to talk about this.

-So there is something to talk about.
-No!

I mean, yes, but it's big.

So tell me before a demon does.

Okay! Okay. You know the story
I told you about how you died?

-I choked on grapes watching Con Air.
-That's not entirely true.

-Like… I wasn't watching Con Air?
-No.

-A different Nick Cage movie?
-No.

So I was swallowing grapes, no movie.

There were no grapes.

You…

You k*lled yourself.

[thunder crashes]

I'm gonna, uh…

Over there.

Nathan…

Okay…

Uh…

-Oh, okay.
-I'm so sorry.

At first I assumed you knew,
but then I realized you didn't.

Then it felt like I should've
told you earlier, but I didn't know how.

I mean, how do you tell someone… that?

And after a while,
it felt like it didn't matter anymore.

It didn't matter?

-I just mean you're dead either way.
-But the way matters.

[knocking on door]

Abaddon!

Is that the mailman's hat?

Our battle took us from the highest roof
to the lowest basement,

but I emerged victorious
and smote his ruin upon the gazebo.

You actually got everything.
Ben, help me with this.

-So you're not gonna talk about this?
-For the record, I didn't know.

Great, Ben didn't know. So I know
as much about my death as Ben does.

I was trying to protect you.

How does not knowing
that I k*lled myself protect me?

Because I didn't know
what would happen if I told you.

I didn't want you
to live with this forever

just because you had one bad day.

-One bad day? I had a lot of bad days.
-Sorry to interrupt. I'm done with this.

[sputters] Don't you dare put that on me.

Nathan listens to all your phone calls.
Ben was an accident.

Katherine is unsure
about a female president.

[groans]

For the record,
this has all been part of my plan.

Oh, thank God.

We will talk about this later.

Sure.

[demons screech]

[deer snarls quietly]

[sniffs, roars]

It works. Let's go.

[thunder crashes]

[demons screech]

Guys, come on. It's okay.

[Ben] Oh, oh, oh, Esther.

Thanks for the hug.

Esther, let go of Ben.

[neck creaks]

Why, Mommy?

-Something's different about you.
-Feeling less good about this hug.

But you're wearing a talisman.

Which only works with the right materials.

You needed cilantro.

This is parsley.

-Parsley?
-[gasps] The demon was faking.

Can we all acknowledge that I did
a good job with what I was given?

[groans]

No!

-You need to go!
-I can't leave them!

-You can't save them if you're possessed.
-That's about to happen, by the way.

[dramatic music playing]

[Katherine] Run!

Use the salt!

-There's no doorway!
-So make a circle!

[demon growls]

[demon roars]

[music fades]

[gasps]

Okay, here's what we do.
Abaddon, run back inside.

Grab all the herbs and spices. Abaddon.

I didn't see the demon's deception.
I don't deserve allowance! [groans]

-What are you doing?
-There must be something here.

Maybe if we destroy
this stupid snow globe.

Wait, what if that makes things worse?

Worse? The sky is filled with demons,
my children are possessed,

and I'm trapped
in a tiny circle of fancy salt.

And I'm furious at you,
but it can always get worse.

I don't see how!

[quiet ominous music playing]

My good chains.

Ben! Esther!

What are they doing?

The lake.

[demon screeches]

Mm-hmm. Assyrian demons possess to k*ll.

-So old-fashioned.
-Oh my God. I have to stop them.

-You can't. You'll just get possessed too.
-Maybe not if my mouth is full of salt.

You're betting your lives on a maybe?

I should have told you.

I told myself I was protecting you,
but that was only part of it.

I was ashamed I wasn't there
when you needed me,

but I've tried to be there
every day since.

Don't.

[dramatic music playing]

[demons screech]

[demon screeches]

[coughs]

[music fades]

You got pretty close.

Almost as close
as you got to graduating college.

[coughs]

I left school because I was pregnant,

and I still got my degree online
three years later.

[yelps]

[groans]

Kathy!

They had a good run. I'm gonna
go lay in a grave for a few months.

[thunder crashes]

The snow globe.
This all started when Esther dropped it.

We don't need to break it.
We need to fix it.

-Abaddon, you like games, right?
-I've been known to hoop-trundle.

Well, this is a game, and the goal is
to get the roof back on the hotel

before our family drowns.

-No! I've failed enough today.
-Come on!

What about the mailman?
You beat him up and stole his hat.

I only said that to impress you.

He fell down the stairs.

Okay, so things didn't work out
the way you planned.

But if you give up now, you'll regret it.

Believe me.

Also, you'll definitely get
an allowance for this.

-Where are you going?
-To be with them!

[suspenseful music playing]

[deer snarl]

-[music fades]
-[Nathan panting]

If you guys can hear me,
there's still time to fight!

-There's not.
-This one wears his belt too tight.

-We're taking them into the water.
-You can take back control!

Esther broke through, right?
When she was mad.

Esther, you were the ugliest baby
I ever saw. Mm-hmm.

Uh, Ben, I didn't like you until
you were ten. I thought you were smug.

Uh, Kathy, you didn't lose
all your retainers when we were kids.

I flushed 'em down the toilet
for no reason.

None of that? Come on!

Kathy, don't give up. I love you.

[strains]

I love you too.

[groans]

Let's go for a swim.

Anytime, Abaddon!

It's more challenging than it appears.

-[dramatic music playing]
-[deer snarl]

I'm not leaving you.

[snarling] You are weak.

You are deer.

[all gurgle]

[deer snarl]

[exhales] For allowance.

[demons screech]

[music fades]

[all gasp for air]

Oh, I love breathing so much!

Jeez. The mail is gonna be so late today.

You saved us! How?

It was Abaddon.

I would like my allowance now.

-You can have a dollar.
-Yes, yes, yes!

I still don't think it's fair
the demon revealed stuff about me

and, like, nothing about you.

I'll tell you anything.

I have four tattoos.
I know how we're all gonna die.

My firstborn son is promised
to the sisters of the moon.

Never mind. A brother
should only know so much about a sister.

All last month, I was trapped in a mirror,

and what you thought was me
was actually a copy.

Stop it!

Happy death day.

Finally! Was that so hard?

It was, actually.

I wish you'd talked to me

before.

Yeah.

You know, you still can talk to me.

Yeah, like you said,

it wouldn't matter now.

It might.

[gentle music playing]

[jaunty supernatural music playing]

[music fades]

[metal creaking]