Ghost Talks, The (1949)

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[THUNDER CLAPS]

[WIND WHISTLING]

So this is

smorgasbord castle.

Light some candles.

Shemp, come on.

SHEMP:

I'm coming.

This joint gives me the creeps.

Uh-oh.

MOE:

Hey, Shemp, come on.

All right.

How do you like that?

It's stuck.

[GRUNTING]

Quit stalling.

Hold your horses.

What are you

stalling about?

You know we got

furniture to move.

I can't help it.

My umbrella won't close.

You're just a dumbbell.

Give it to me.

I'll close it.

[SHEMP LAUGHS]

Wise guy.

So you got a shower, eh?

Why, I...

Oh!

Cut out the clowning.

We got work to do.

The sooner we get out

of this spooky joint,

the better I'll like it.

[CREAKING]

[WHIMPERS, SNORTS]

[SLAMS]

W-What was that?

Why, that was--

Why, that was the creaky door.

Hello, everybody.

This is Desmond

of the outer sanctorum.

Strange things will happen

in this mysterious castle.

[CACKLES]

Who could get along without

a nice, bloody m*rder, hm?

Yes. There will be

strange happenings.

[CACKLES]

[SCREAMS]

[BANG]

[GROANS]

What happened?

Strange happenings.

That's strange.

Come on.

Oh, oh, oh.

Ow, ow, ow.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

I hate this castle.

People said

it was haunted.

Ah, go on.

There's no such thing

as haunted houses and spooks.

That was just

a coincidence.

Who does this belong to?

[WIND WHISTLES]

[TWANG]

Yow!

What happened?

Just a coincidence.

Fellas,

let's get started.

I got the list of the stuff

we're supposed to move away.

Yeah, here. An antique table

and chairs, a mahogany chest,

and a suit

of medieval armor.

[BANG]

[CRASH]

Well, let's see.

Thank you.

What are you

thanking me for?

I wasn't thanking you

for anything.

Then why was you

thanking me?

I didn't say a word.

But I did.

Why didn't you say so

when I first asked you?

I didn't say anything.

One of us is nuts,

and it can't be you.

Right.

[CHUCKLES]

Keep your

big mouth shut.

Just a minute.

People have a right

to talk, you know.

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

Ooh!

Let him alone.

Now, listen.

We gotta get busy.

You help me get the table

over to the truck.

You take the armor.

Come on.

All right.

Please don't take me away.

I beg of you.

Put me down.

I beseech you.

Ahhhh!

[CRASH]

Ow!

Ah.

How do you like that lazy?

Fine time to take a nap.

Get up out of here.

Look, Moe. Look, Moe,

Moe, I'm telling ya.

Never mind.

Go on, help Larry.

I'll take the armor.

Nitwit.

Up you go.

There we are.

Thank you.

You are a gentleman.

Oh, think nothing

of it, I--

That's funny.

For a minute, I thought

that armor spoke to me.

I did.

[YELPS]

Hey, fellas. That suit

of armor, it's haunted.

It just spoke to me.

It spoke to me too.

Ah, you're goofy.

Honest, Larry.

It just spoke to me.

Yeah.

Ah, you fraidy-cats.

I'll take care of this.

Armor talking.

If you got something to say,

say it now

before I dump you

in the truck.

You guys must be dreaming.

Or maybe

he don't talk English.

Parlez-vous Francais?

Oui, oui, monsieur.

Spaten zee Irish?

Hootman.

Ah, you see.

He don't talk English.

[YELPING]

Hey, fellas.

Take it easy.

We'll get you out.

Hurry up.

Heave.

h*.

[GRUNTING]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

You're right.

That armor is haunted.

It just spoke to me too.

Hey, it can't be possible.

Things like this

just don't happen.

Shemp, I think you better

go get the armor.

Moe, I think you better

go get the armor.

Wait a minute.

I think we all better

go get the armor.

Let's not be afraid.

Come on.

Go ahead.

Have no fear, gentlemen.

I am a friendly spirit.

Come closer.

It's empty.

[TAP, TAP]

[CLANK, CLANK]

[TAP, TAP-TAP, TAP...]

[...CLANK, CLANK]

[TAPPING]

Oop. There goes my quarter.

[CLANGING]

[GEARS GRINDING]

MOE: Wait a minute.

All right. Step aside.

You're really

a friendly spirit.

Give. Ooh!

What did you say

your name was?

I am the spirit

of peeping Tom.

I was accused of peeping

through the shadows

when Lady Godiva made her

famous ride through Coventry.

But I didn't do it.

I swear I didn't

do it purposely.

Take it easy, pal.

Calm yourself.

Here, have a smoke.

[COUGHING]

Sorry, gentlemen.

I haven't had--

[COUGHS]

--a smoke in

a thousand years.

Think you're old enough

to smoke?

[CHUCKLES]

[HONK]

Quiet.

I don't get this.

What is it all about?

It's this way.

In the days of old,

I was a tailor.

Oh, old Taylor.

[BOP]

Quiet.

Yes, yes. Go on.

You see, Lady Godiva

and I were sweethearts.

We were going

to be married.

Then came that

famous day and year--

When he said

to his friends,

"If the British march,

hang a-- Hang a..."

I'll hang one.

Yes, yes. Go on.

Well, we were told

to close our shutters tight.

Every shutter in the city

was shuttered, including mine.

I was seated in my tailor shop

by the shuttered window,

sewing.

My needle had

run out of thread,

and in the darkened room

I could not see to rethread it.

Forgetfully, I stepped to the

window and opened the shutter

to give me light

so I could thread my needle.

Suddenly,

there were cheers and yells.

Inadvertently,

I turned to the window

to see what the shouting

was about.

[POW]

That shutter,

that confounded shutter.

I shudder

to think of it.

[CHUCKLES]

[BEEP]

Ooh!

Shutter up.

Oh, I don't have to. Nah.

What did you say?

I don't have to. Nah.

[SIZZLE]

Now be quiet.

I'm sorry.

Then what happened?

I was beheaded and my spirit

imprisoned in this suit of armor

for 1000 years.

Today, my time is up,

and the spirit of Lady Godiva

will meet me.

[COWERS]

That does it.

Go out to the truck

and get that bottle.

I gotta have a drink.

Me too.

Me three.

Make it four.

I still think

I'm dreaming.

See if I'm awake.

[BOING]

[YELPS]

You're awake.

Yes, but you won't be

for long.

Come here.

Look out.

[MUSICAL SCALE]

Oh, oh, oh.

LARRY:

Spread out, you guys.

I got the bottle.

Oh, boy.

Start pouring.

Okay.

Down the hatchet.

Hurray.

Brruump!

Why don't you watch

your manners?

Barrummp!

Hey, cut it out.

Aww.

[ALL SLURPING]

[MECHANIC SLURPING NOISES]

Now, this is all

very well, Tom,

but we got orders to move

all the junk out of here,

including you.

Gentlemen, I warn you,

if you take me,

bad luck will pursue you.

Heed my warning.

Somebody's playing

jokes on us.

This ain't possible.

Yeah, you get the rest

of the stuff.

I'll take

this tin can out.

There's the, uh--

[BANGING]

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Uh-oh, bad luck

is beginning to start.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

I'm fed up with spooks.

MOE:

So am I. Come on,

let's get this junk

out of here.

Go ahead.

I gotta get my hat.

Go ahead.

MOE:

Hey, Shemp, come on.

Hold your horses, will ya?

Oh? Oh?

Oh, tricks, eh?

Wise guy, eh? You can make

this hat jump till doomsday,

but you won't

frighten me again.

I'm through being scared

of your phony spooky business.

Ha-ha-ha--

[YELPING]

What's wrong

with you now?

That bad luck was

down my back biting me.

It was scratching me to death.

Six lions were tearing me apart

bit by bit.

Six lions.

Quit lyin'.

You're only stalling.

Go on.

Get busy.

MOE:

Go ahead. We'll take

this chest first. Get on it.

Heave. Heave.

It's too heavy. We'll have

to take it piecemeal.

Take the junk off the top,

and I'll take the drawers.

Hurry up.

[GROANS]

STOOGES:

Ahhh!

Greetings, gents.

I said, "greetings,"

that is.

W-W-Who are you?

Me? I'm Red.

Oh, a red skeleton.

Catch.

[SHUDDERS]

Boy, am I glad

he's gone.

I-- Aah!

Ow! Ow!

Eeeh!

Don't be afraid

now, boys.

But let's get

out of here!

Yeah!

Wait a minute,

fellas.

That spirit

locked us in.

Hold it. I'll bust

that door down.

Stand aside.

Oh!

Moe, Moe, say a few syllables.

Are you all right?

Say something.

[HOOTING]

Okay, I'm all right.

What we need

is a harder head.

I think

you got something there.

Let's go.

Right.

Hey, heave. Heave.

[BANG]

SHEMP:

h*.

Wait, I think it's cracking.

What, the door?

No, my head.

Listen, fellas.

I wanna get out of here.

Let's try that door.

[YELPS]

Come on. Move.

Don't sit there

like you're dead.

Go away, boys.

You bother me.

[ALL YELP]

Whew.

[HOOTING]

[PANTING]

Look, fellas.

We gotta figure some way

to get out of here.

Whoo, whoo.

Us, you lame-brain, who do you

think I'm talking about?

[ALL YELP]

Oh, get out of here!

Look out.

Oh!

What happened?

You all right, kid?

Oh!

Oh, boy, that spook hit me

right on top of the head.

Me too. Look out.

Lucky I took that away from him,

or he'd have k*lled you both.

Thanks, you're a pal.

Yeah, swell guy.

[CLOPPING]

What's that?

MOE:

Oh, boy. Ain't she a beauty?

SHEMP:

It's Lady Godiva.

Whoa, charger.

Ain't she a doll?

[YELPING]

[HOWLING]

[BARKS]

Cut it out.

Giddyup, charger.

Come on. Let's watch

'em ride by.

Yeah. Come on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Remember what happened

to peeping Tom?

Ah, that was

a thousand years ago.

Right.

ALL:

Yoo-hoo.

[CROWD YELLING]

[♪]