11x05 & 11x06 - Scent of a Dumbass/New Couch

[bunniefuu]

Well,
back to the daily grind.

Yep.

Cash the unemployment check,

buy a beer, drink it,
fall asleep on the couch.

Still can't seem to get ahead.

Yep.

Whoa.
Check it out, Beavis.

It's a free couch.

Whoa, that's cool.

Lucky day.

Whoa.

This is so much cooler
than our couch.

Yeah, it looks like
nobody's ever fallen asleep

and peed on it.

Not even once!

If we had this couch
in our apartment,

we could finally start
inviting chicks over and stuff.

And then they'll want
to sit on our couch.

Yeah.

And then sit on me.

Yeah, cool.

I'll take this end.

OK.

And you take that end.

Uh, no.

Oh.
Really?

That sucks.

Hurry up already, dumbass.

Oh, God.

Welcome to my micro cabin.

It's where I keep
my micro p*nis.

Wait a minute.
That's his house?

Oh, boy.

He's like, I wanna feel
like I'm living in my car,

but not be able
to actually go anywhere.

This mailbox is actually a
kids' lunchbox from the 1960s.

I was out cruising around
looking for a mailbox.

I was out cruising around,
looking for a mailbox for it.

And I saw a little
kid going to school,

and I said, uh,
that lunchbox is mine now.

Run along.

You can find another lunchbox.

I need this for the
shipping crate I live in.

It'll double the size
of my home.

Yeah, in all
seriousness, though, Butt-Head,

I don't think
he's ever gonna score.

Yeah.

Nope.

Because of the added room
because of the pop top.

When he meets girls,
he's like,

come on back to my house,
baby.

You can stand all the way up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chicks are probably
like, uh, glasses-on-hat guy,

I wanna score with you
back at your house.

And he's like, hmm, well,

I'm gonna have
to measure you first.

You can bang your head
on the ceiling,

and then you can bang me.

Yeah, but hurry up,

because we only have


There's probably not enough
room for you,

me, and my b*ner,
so one of us

is going to have
to wait outside.

And I'm thinking me.

I have my kitchen area.

Yeah, maybe
I can set the mood

by heating up
some canned food for you.

Yeah.

Maybe a little Chef Boyardee.

I put the D in Chef Boyardee.

And magnets, oh,
I got 'em, yeah.

Hey, baby.
Check out what we're doing.

Are you moving?

Yeah, no one peed
on this couch.

You're finally leaving.

Tonight,
I am bringing friends over

and we are having a party
to celebrate.

This is fantastic.

Whoa.
Did you hear that?

She's gonna come back
with a bunch of chicks

and party with us.

This couch is working
even better than I thought.

Yeah, we better
get it up the stairs fast.

And then we'll get it up.

That's right.

Nothing to it but to do it.

Come on, Beavis.

You're making me
do all the work.

Um, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Yeah?
Uh, what?

Oh, this is really heavy.

Like, can we take a rest
for a second?

Uh, sure.

I've been resting for,
like, five minutes.

Feels good to take a load off.

Ah!
No!

Nice job, dumbass.

You dropped it.

OK, OK.
Here's my idea.

We pull the couch up
with this string.

Whoa.
That's a good idea, asswipe.

Yeah, make sure
you tie it really tight.

Like with a knot, you know?

Shut up, Beavis.

I know what I'm doing.

Just take this here.

Rabbit goes around the tree.

Just tighten this.

OK, is the string tied
to the couch?

Beavis, you dumbass,
your dumb string doesn't work.

It tied me up or something.

I think if you unwrap it

from around your butt or
something, and then, like--

Beavis, get down here
and untie your dumb string.

OK.

Um, give me a second.

I think my head's caught
in the railing.

I can't get it out.

I don't care.

Nah, don't worry.

This happened all the time
when I was a kid.

You just have to come up here

and put peanut butter
on my ears.

Damn it. I'm gonna come
up there and kick your a*s.

Ah! Butt-Head, help!
Ah!

Ah!
- Oh, no.

Uh--
- Ah!

Butt-Head!
Ah, no!

Damn it, Beavis.
Look what you did.

Oh.

That's better.

Are my ears still on?

Beavis, I'm gonna k*ll you.

We can't get the
couch up the steps, Butt-Head.

Uh, yeah, I know.

Well, I guess some guys

just aren't meant to have a
cool couch and--

and to have chicks
come sit on it

and maybe sit
on their schlongs.

No, Beavis.

Shut up.

This is our one chance
to score with Donna

and her dumb friends.

And that's only the beginning.

After we score with them,

we're gonna move up
to chicks who are even hotter

because chicks will, like,
know we do it.

Beavis, we are going to get
that couch in our apartment.

Yeah! Yeah, Butt-Head!
Yeah, let's do it!

Yeah!

That's right, Beavis.

Let's do this.
- Yeah!

Yeah.

We did it.
OK, wait.

Now, just gonna
unlock the door.

We can do it, Beavis.

Yeah, let's go.

Easy does it.

Almost there.

We did it!
Yeah, we finally did it.

Oh, boy.

Um.

Um, Butt-Head, um,

I think we're
in the wrong apartment.

Uh--oh, yeah.

We did it, Butt-Head.

Now, we're finally gonna score.

Yeah.

Yep.

All we gotta do
is wait for the chicks.

I am so happy
those two losers moved out.

You can't believe what
a relief it is that

they're finally--

g*dd*mn it!

What did they do
to my apartment?

Oh, damn it!

Uh, we're not gonna score.

Yep.

These guys are unbelievable!

Chirp.