04x01 - Chapter Twenty-Nine

[bunniefuu]

[mambo music playing]

♪ Beat the drum down ♪

♪ Not a sun down ♪

♪ When I come 'round ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ What you know now ♪

♪ I'm the one now
I gotta run now ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ I'm the one now ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ Beat the drum down ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ What you know now ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Look who just came out on top ♪

♪ Ha-ha-ha
It's a bird, it's a plane ♪

♪ No it's me
Ha-ha-ha ♪

♪ Flier than the butterflies and the bees
Ha-ha-ha ♪

♪ And any diamonds wetter than the sea
Ha-ha-ha ♪

♪ Brand new, real time, live action ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Pose for the picture, I'm snappin' ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Round of applause, got 'em clappin' ♪

- ♪ Watch me get it now ♪
- ♪ Yo ♪

♪ Beat the drum down
Not a sun down ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ When I come 'round ♪

- ♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪
- ♪ What you know now ♪

♪ I'm the one now ♪

- ♪ I gotta run now ♪
- ♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ I'm the one now ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ Beat the drum down ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ What you want now ♪

♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait ♪

♪ Hey ♪

[music continues]

Turner! What the hell on earth
was that practice?

Uh, you know.

[chuckles]

Just an off day, Coach.

Off day, huh?

It seems like you're having a lot
of off days lately.

[chuckles]

I hear the football field's
not the only place he has moves.

Girl, I'm ready for him
to touch down in my end zone.

[scoffs] Nah, I'm ready
to be tossed around like...

A bag of bullshit?

You're fired! Y'all supposed to be
canvassing for Ruby, not Jamal!

You can't fire us
if we aren't getting paid.

- What do you call those tamales?
- Dry.

You're about to get a beatdown
if you don't get outta my face!

Ruby's never gonna win.

That's a waste of paper.

[Jasmine] Vote for Ruby!

- Never gonna win.
- [Jasmine] Not in that outfit.

No one's buying that you've been
to a backyard punk show.

Which is what I said
when you forced me into it.

We need a new look
and not just a dumb haircut.

We need a look that sells.

Sex sells. Strip.

I'm not leaking nudes. What's the point?

- Being class president is your dream.
- Yeah, and I ran and lost.

The first time.

But now fate has intervened,

and you have the opportunity to stand tall
and claim what should be yours.

You know, once we put some lifts
in your loafers.

Alexis resigned from the presidency

because she ran on a POC platform
but was really FOS.

She can't fake tan.

I can't fake tall.

What people want is
transparency, authenticity,

which is why Jamal might not win.

Not likely.
He's got a bigger base of support.

We're the only ones
that know that he's a poser.

What about the g*ng vote?
It's still up for grabs.

No, I'm not talking to Cesar.

Well, sh*t. There goes my plan C.

And now that you wanna
leave your "D" out of it,

we've come to our last resort, plan A.

- Attack.
- No.

[sighs] But the one who throws
the first punch wins the fight.

I'm not playing dirty. It's not who I am.

[clicks tongue] Baby, you being you
isn't gonna win this election.

- Button-down shirts don't poll well.
- But policy does.

And had you listened to me from the get
and focused on policy, we'd be ahead.

Hmm, policy hasn't won anything since...
ever.

Popularity is the name of the game,
which means you need to listen to me.

I'm not your puppet, Jasmine.

[scoffs]

You're not talking about the election,
are you?

- What else would I be talking about?
- That afternoon.

Our "plus-one."
You're still in your feelings about it.

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, maybe you need to.
- No!

- I just need to be myself.
- Okay. Okay. I hear you.

We'll do you, but with a splash of sexy.

[upbeat music playing]

You think you can shimmy into this?

Are you kidding?

Of course I can.

[moans]

- I'm gonna lose.
- [sighs]

Don't speak it into existence.

Speak this instead.

Full-page presidential yearbook spread.

[Ruby chuckles, moans]

For free.

[Jasmine sighs]

- We're gonna save so much money.
- [whispers] Keep talking.

Everyone is gonna be looking up to you,
even while they're looking down.

[Jasmine gasps]

Hola, Señor Presidente. [chuckles]

[Jasmine laughs]

[Jasmine and Ruby moan]

Sit.

- Let me help.
- Mmm.

- You're not the only chef in this house.
- I never said I was.

[Oscar inhales deeply]

But your face did.

[snickers]

What's that smirk?

It's love, baby.

It's the look of love,
but I wouldn't garnish those potatoes.

[inhales] And the pork looks tough.
Could have used a marinade.

Are you really gonna give me notes
on my mom's recipe?

Isn't that why you're marrying me?

[in Spanish] Sit down.

Oh, that's hot.

- Your daughter likes the heat...
- [Oscar grunts]

...which makes Mama worry

that she might not like
living in Portland.

Is Mama really worried she won't like it?
Or that Papa won't?

- It's really cold up there.
- It's not that cold.

- It snows.
- We're moving to be closer to your family.

And once I sign the lease
for the restaurant, I gotta pay.

So if you wanna back out, you can't.

I won't.

But I'm worried you will.

- I'm not gonna back out, baby.
- Even if you don't say goodbye?

[engine revving in distance]

- You need to talk to Cesar.
- He won't return my calls.

So you can't pick up your feet
and go see him?

Doesn't work that way.

Then think outside the box.

[scoffs] "Outside the box"?

In what way? How?

[doorbell rings]

Like this.

Girl, you have no idea
what you're talking about.

I can stay on beat.

♪ To the rhythm of your heart ♪

[cell phone vibrates] Oh! Monica? Hold on.

♪ Baby girl, Claire, baby girl, Claire ♪

♪ When you gonna make
my face your chair? ♪

Huh? Oh sh*t. Monica?

Uh... let... let me call you back.
I got my aunt Claire on hold.

[Fran] Jamal!

If you're gonna roll with
more than one girl, don't get caught.

And just so you know,

the human face isn't designed
to support the weight of a teenage girl.

That's fact.

Not recent fact.

A fact from age-appropriate memory.

Coach, how are things lookin'
on the field?

I don't know. Ask Jamal.

I don't know. Ask Coach.

Jamal.

Coach.

Jamal.

Ronald.

Turner.

- Baldy.
- Just cut the sh*t.

What's goin' on with my baby's future?

I mean, with his freaky speed
and another 100 pounds, he could play D3.

- Could?
- He's gotta stop getting distracted.

This week alone,

he's dropped three ba*ls at practice.

With the playoffs approaching,
he's gotta get his head back in the game.

Son, you need to turn off your hose
and roll it up.

- All those girls can wait to get wet.
- It's not the girls.

It's the election.

- Election?
- [Dwayne] Election?

Hi, Dad. How's Grandma?

Still sick.
Now what is this election crap?

Senior class president.
It was a last-minute thing.

Special election.

The girl who initially won
pulled a Rachel Dolezal.

- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.

I didn't wanna run,
but everybody asked me to,

so as a man of the people,
I couldn't say no.

Plus, another b*llet point
on the high school resume never hurt.

Seriously, it's not a distraction.
My opponent doesn't stand a chance.

Who are you running against?

[Jasmine moans] Ruby!

[Jasmine moans] Ay! Ruby!

[Ruby moaning]

[Jasmine and Ruby moaning]

- [Jasmine moans] Ruby! Ay!
- [Ruby moans] Jasmine! Yes, Jasmine!

- Jasmine!
- [Jasmine moans] Ay, Papi!

- [Ruby] Wait. Hold it. Hold...
- [Jasmine] Oh! [laughs] Oh! That's new.

This is not okay.

I knocked on the door when I got home.

I knocked on the door
when I started dinner.

I knocked on the door
when dinner was ready!

Now the twins are sleeping,
and they're gonna wake them up!

They won't.
At this point, it's just white noise.

[Abuelita] This is how it starts.

You don't say nothing, then, boom!

Baby needs a baba.

And by baby, I mean Ruby,

who most definitely
will be nursing a bad UTI.

- [Jasmine moaning]
- This is not okay.

We're a good Catholic family.

God is definitely punishing me
for something.

- You did nothing wrong.
- I'm not talking about me.

- You! You said that you would talk to him.
- And I did.

I told him to be safe, to be respectful.

He is not being respectful.

He is to Jasmine.

When is enough enough?

- [Jasmine] Oh, Ruby! Ay, Papi!
- [Ruby moaning]

- Now!
- [Jasmine and Ruby moaning]

Ruby!

Get out here!

Now!

- [Jasmine] Put it on. What the hell?
- [Ruby] sh**t. sh**t.

[Geny] Oi!

[Jasmine and Ruby indistinct chattering]

[Ruby clears throat]

- Is it dinner time?
- It is way past dinner time.

- Can we have a snack?
- Haven't you already had one?

- Marisol, would you like to help us?
- No.

[exhales deeply]

Ruby, sit. We need to talk.

- Jasmine, I'll call you later.
- No, you won't. Jasmine, sit.

[tense music playing]

[music stops]

- So...
- We're worried about you two.

- We're wondering...
- If you've become too codependent.

Oh! We just really love each other.

- We can see that.
- And hear it.

- We're not telling you...
- To break up or anything.

- But...
- Stop touching genitals!

On each other.

Touching your own
is just fine, right, mijo?

Oh... Are we done?

[tense music playing]

I feel done.

Good talk.

I'm sorry. That was so uncomfortable.

Are you kidding?

I've never been a part
of a family sl*t-shame before.

I loved it.

[female reporter] Breaking news.
A cover-up uncovered.

Police are searching for
whoever hid a body in the hills...

- Abuelita, can you turn it up?
- ...Angeles forest.

The human remains
were found early Tuesday morning.

The hiker who alerted the police
has chosen to remain anonymous.

[Isabel] My tío even consulted
a paleontologist,

like a...
a real certified expert on fossils,

but it wasn't a petrified potato.
It was a rock.

[snickers]

- [Isabel chuckles]
- [Oscar clears throat]

Okay.

Would either of you like
to participate in this conversation?

Because it isn't a conversation
if I'm the only one conversing.

How's the baby?

She's good.

- She?
- She.

We're gonna name her Lydia.

[clicks tongue] Thought you hated Mom.

You thought wrong.

Guess I don't know you
like I thought I did.

That makes two of us.

[in Spanish] You know what?

I gotta go.

[in Spanish] Isabel, thanks for the food.

Cesar, we're moving to Portland.

Oscar's opening a restaurant.

And there'd be a job for you
if you came with us.

[tense music playing]

A restaurant.

Now where'd you get the money
for that, huh?

It's called a loan and hustle.

- Something you used to know a lot about.
- [Cesar] Bullshit.

I don't believe you.

He sold his car, Cesar.

Well, I'm not leaving Freeridge.

This is where my family's at.

The Santos aren't your family.

Nah.

They're not yours.

Thanks again.

[door opens]

- [door slams shut]
- That was bullshit.

I know.
He's pretending to be hard, but he's not.

I'm not talking about Cesar.

Cesar showed up tonight, but you didn't.

[cell phone chiming]

Hey, Ruby. Mano, you okay?

What? Slow down. They what?

They found her?

- Jamal, I'm worried.
- Don't be. I'm gonna crush the playoffs.

I know, but I feel like
you're making a mistake.

- I'm worried someone might get hurt.
- Mom.

- It's cool. I know to wrap it.
- Good, but I was just...

- Vaseline is not a barrier to herpes.
- Correct.

- Butter doesn't k*ll the clap.
- Butter? Jesus, okay.

I'm glad you're protected
when it comes to STDs,

but I'm worried about
where you're not protected.

In future regrets.

Mom, they all know I'm a free agent.

I've made no commitments,

and I never head down to South Beach
without an invite.

I'm all about consent.

Really?

Did you get Ruby's?

It's been Ruby's dream
to be senior class president since...

as long as I can remember.

And if you squash that dream for him,
any hopes of you two

rekindling your friendship
will be obsolete.

There's nothing to stress.

We're not friends.

And we never will be.

He's definitely slinging to kids.

- Who the hell is he?
- [Joker] No idea.

He ain't flying colors,
so we don't know what set he's claiming.

You want us to press him?

No.

We need to be strategic.
We don't wanna start a w*r.

Next time you see that pendejo
on his bike,

you let me know.

[Oscar] We need to talk.

[Cesar in Spanish] Come on.

Anything you gotta say,
you can say to them.

No.

[dogs barking]

- What?
- Cuchillos.

They found the remains.

So? Bodies are found all the time.
It's got nothin' to do with me.

If they ID her,
it'll have something to do with you.

Only a trusted few know she's dead.
So the truce that I set up...

But walked away from like a little b*tch?

When people realize she's not making
the calls 'cause she's dead,

alliances will crumble.

- It'll be open season. You'll be a target.
- Hey, I'm a target every day.

What's the difference?

The difference is
that you won't have protection.

The Santos, they might not support you.

Please.

Lay low.

Go see Ray.

I'm not a runner.

I don't run away from sh*t.

Cesar, we gotta go.

- What about your friends?
- [Cesar] Not my problem.

At least call Monse.

- She needs a heads-up to protect herself.
- [Cesar] Can't.

Lost her number a long time ago.

[engine revving]

[engine turns off]

Why do you need to call Monse?

I don't.

It's nothing.

She's nothing.

Hey.

I love you, Vero.

You're my girl.

[cell phone vibrating]

They spotted the guy.

Go. Handle business.

- [dramatic music playing]
- [engine starting]

[tires screeching]

- So Cesar knows.
- [Oscar] Yeah.

But he won't call Monse.
Did you tell Jamal?

[indistinct chattering]

- Not yet.
- [bell rings]

Gotta go. Do it soon.

I'll try.

[Jamal] Is that your last name?

- [Jamal chuckles]
- [boy] Hey, J.

Looks like someone's
finally gonna concede.

You don't know the look of concession.

Can we talk candidate to candidate?

Tsk.

- All right.
- Yo, handle that.

- Have you seen the news?
- What news?

That we got this election
in the bag, d*uche.

You see what I did there?
Flipped and reversed it.

Bag, d*uche, d*uche bag,
to which you are both.

Who's running? You or Jasmine?

- I am!
- We are.

- [Ruby sneering]
- We're... We're a team, but he's the face.

Oh. So he's your b*tch.

Got it.

- I guess some things never change.
- They don't.

- Like you being a d*ck.
- Oh. Okay.

- [exhales] We gotta run the attack ad.
- No!

Don't. Doesn't matter if I'm the only one
who knows you're not my b*tch.

[Jamal laughing] Corvette! Corvette!

[Jamal and friend laughing]

Show me the ad.

[hip-hop music playing]

- Hey!
- [grunts]

Where you from, ese?

You know what hood you're in?
Mine! Who you slinging for?

Screw you, cabrón!

[Cesar grunting]

[police sirens blaring]

[continues grunting]

Welcome to
Senior Señor Presidente Central.

Wow, it's amazing.
I had no idea I had so many supporters.

We're not supporters.

- We're never Jamal-ers.
- [Jasmine] Keisha is my right hand.

She hates Jamal
'cause she still loves him.

Shannon, my lefty,
thought she was his one and only,

and she was for one and only night.

Who's the dude?

- [gasps] Is Jamal...
- No. Jamal's not woke enough to be fluid.

Brandon was officially dating Keisha
when she was unofficially smashing Jamal.

And now I'm here for the scraps

'cause one man's trash
is another man's treasure.

Like my dad always said,

"Sometimes closure
looks like a restraining order."

Oh... oh... okay, settle down, Brandon.

This is a safe space
for ladies who've been victimized.

'Cause every skank here's got a story
that sucks and a suck that's a story.

Keisha, pull up the ad.

[Jasmine] In a world where danger
is lurking around every corner,

the greatest danger of all
walks the halls of Freeridge High.

Jamal Turner.

Masochist, megalomaniac,

misogynist, and magician?

Jamal Turner is not just terrible.
He's toxic.

The following interviews
are obscured to protect the innocent.

[in Southern accent] Y'all, he slept
with me and said my mom was next.

He wants to be an actual mother******.

[in Russian accent]
He screams his own name during sex.

[in British accent]
If Jamal is such a feminist,

then why is his favorite catchphrase,
"b*tches be bonkers?"

Because Jamal Turner is toxic.

Jamal Turner is toxic for Freeridge High.
Vote Ruby Martinez for president.

[Ruby badly edited] I'm Ruby Martinez,
and I endorse this message.

No, I don't endorse this message.
That approval was constructed.

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
What did you say?

I'm Ruby Martinez,
and I did not endorse this message!

Got it.

[Ruby] I'm Ruby Martinez,
and I did not endorse this message!

It's clean, easy to edit.

No! No edits and no ads!

Everyone, stand down.

I'm either winning or losing
on my own merits.

I'm not some marionette.

A puppet. I'm not a puppet!

I'm a real boy!

[upbeat music playing]

Nice work, team. It's gettin' tight.

[scoffs]

[indistinct chattering]

I don't know anyone's number.
It's all in my phone.

You got one call. Use it or lose it.

[keys jangling]

[chattering continues]

[dial tone]

[cell phone vibrating]

[somber music playing]

[woman] Who is that?

[cell phone beeping]

No one.

- [Monse] It's Monse. You know what to do.
- [cell phone beeps]

[door closes]

Yo, Diaz.

It's your lucky day.

[dramatic music playing]

[gate squeaking]

[Oscar] Hey.

Yo.You're not gonna say anything?

[gate clangs]

Where the hell is my money?

How many times do I have to tell you?
I don't have your RollerWorld money.

I bailed you out with mine.

Come on. You can thank me later.

You want me to thank you, carnalito?

'Cause we're nowhere near even.

- What?
- What is this?

A bag.

The last time I saw this bag,
Cuchillos had it,

and it was full of money.

Now the last time I saw Cuchillos,
she was dead.

Since you were the last to see her alive,
you must know where the money is.

- So, where is it?
- I don't have the money.

Look, Oscar.

I don't give a sh*t if you keep my share,

but not theirs.

My friends need their money.
Just give it back.

Mano, I would do anything for you,

but I can't do that.

I don't have it.

- Liar!
- [bang]

[sniffs]

[engine starting]

- Me talk to him? I can't.
- [Oscar] You have to.

My brother's not
taking this sh*t seriously.

What about Jamal? Talked to him yet?

- No.
- Why? You gotta do it.

I know. I know.

I'll figure it out. Bye.

- We're not releasing the ad.
- Let's release something else.

I'm not in the mood.

Come on, baby. It's been 24 hours
since our gettin'-it-in-tervention,

and I need to get it in.

I can't. I got too much on my mind.

- About that afternoon?
- No!

Give me a minute.

[door opens]

Ha ha! Say goodbye to your g*ng vote.

Ruby's locking it up
with Cesar in the bathroom.

No, he's not.

[urinating]

[door closes]

- So you know.
- [zipper zips]

- Yeah.
- [door opens]

Well, well, well.

[door closes]

Am I late for the reunion?

Don't worry, Cesar,

I'm not here to beg you
to get your homies to vote for me too.

- That's not what we're talking about.
- Nice try.

- I can see your lame schemes from...
- They found her.

Her?

- Her who?
- Cuchillos.

- Not my problem.
- My sentiments exactly.

This is serious.

You know,
things could get real bad, real fast.

We need to talk.

Do we?

So much has already happened,

and you haven't felt the need to talk
in almost two years.

- He's lying.
- Why would he lie to me?

I don't know. Because he's a criminal.

I mean, come on, Cesar. Don't play dumb.

Either he stole it, or you both did.

Wouldn't be the first time
you two ran game on us.

Santos for life, right?

Not cool, man. You're crossing a line.

Better stop before you can't uncross it.

Dude, that money
could really help out my family.

After everything we did for you?

I already told you I don't have it,
and neither does my brother.

[exhales] I'm done.

[exhales] Compa, please.

[Cesar breathing heavily]

You gotta believe me.

We don't.

f*ck you!

Wow.

Don't ever talk to me ever again.

No problem.

[Cesar exhales]

[door opens]

[door closes]

Say it.

Say what you gotta say.

Be careful.

- [door opens]
- Someone needs to tell Monse.

[snickers] It won't be me.

I don't give a sh*t about her.

Good luck.

You're gonna need it.

So did we get the vote?
Celebratory smash can happen either way.

- Which stall do you wanna do it in?
- None.

Okay! Out in the open.
We're really shakin' things up.

We're not!
There's no shake of us or things.

- So, what do you want me to do?
- Whatever you want. I don't care.

Okay.

- [girl] Hello.
- Release the ad.

[students chattering]

[Jasmine]...in a world where danger
is lurking around every corner.

[Stu] Oh sh*t!

- Looks like someone's gone on the offense.
- [Jasmine]...Jamal Turner.

What are you talking about?

- [Jasmine] ...Masochist,
- Toxic Turner!

[Jasmine]...misogynist, and magician?

Jamal Turner is not just terrible.
He's toxic.

It's on.

[indistinct chattering]

[tense music playing]

[g*n c*ck]

[breathing heavily]

Baby?

What happened?

Are you okay?

I gotta save Cesar.

[hip-hop music playing]