03x05 - Chapter Twenty-Five

[bunniefuu]

Ruby, Jamal.

I still haven't heard back from you,
and as I mentioned five minutes ago,

I was giving you five minutes
to let me know

if you want to come with me
to the reception.

So, time's up.
You need to let me know if you're coming.

And if you're not coming, let me know.

And also let me know
if you're not going to let me know.

- You ready?
- I'm going with Jasmine.

No.

No, I'm going to drive you
and pick you up. I need eyes on you.

Dad, you're being a little crazy
and it's not a good look.

Agreed. Dwayne, nothing's going to happen
to and from Brentwood.

You don't know what could happen.

sh*t's changing here.

- Stop making him so afraid.
- No. Fear makes him alert.

- He needs to be on guard.
- I am on guard.

I literally have an escape plan

for any natural, divine,
or human-induced global disaster.

- Look, I'm not playing around.
- Neither am I.

I'm talking meteorological, hydrological,
geophysical, fungal--

Listen to me.

As long as I've lived in Freeridge,

it's always been
about the devils that we knew.

And now it's about the devils
that we don't know.

Anything could happen now.
Anything, at any moment.

You're being hyperbolic.
See? This is where you get it from.

Everyone's going to be fine.

This is just a bump
in the proverbial road.

Sometimes things need to take
a turn for the worse

before they get better.

Stop talking like someone's gonna
put a sack on his head

and throw him in the back of a van.

- Yeah, that would never happen.
- Exactly.

So, honey, go.
Just text us once you get there.

- Why you gotta do that?
- Do what?

Undercut me right in front of him.

We're supposed to be a team,
and that was not teamwork.

I'm sorry, baby.

I know you're stressed,
but we gotta be real.

No one's rolling up on our weird kid.

Then you pull the wide end
up over the narrow end.

Which way's up over?

You gotta cross the wide end
under the narrow one.

Can't you just tie it for me?
I told Monse I'd be there an hour ago.

Ties aren't just for events.

Maybe someday you'll have a job
and you'll have to wear one.

Then I'll hire you to do it for me.

My professional tying is expensive.

Well, if I'm wearing a tie,
I can afford you.

You're a good kid.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I had a shitty dad.

Never thought I'd be a good one.

You know the old saying...

You don't get to choose your parents.

Well, truth is...

you don't really get to choose
your kids either.

If I could...

I'd choose you, mijo.

Yeah.

You're the first person
I've ever looked up to.

Me?

I'm nothing to look up to.

No.

I know nothing.

As long as I've been alive,
I've been nothing.

You, you aren't nothing.

You're a kid who's never needed anything,
let alone anyone,

to be something.

Someone to look up to.

Well, I'm proud of you too...

Dad.

- Better get going.
- Yeah.

I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Okay.

- Yo.
- Have you heard from Ruby?

- No. You?
- No.

I think the tire incident was
really triggering. He's in a bad way.

How do you know
if you haven't heard from him?

I looked through his window.

He's in bed,
in the same underwear from three days ago,

and still no socks on the floor.

Poor guy. He's all bottled up.

Yeah.

- So when are you leaving?
- Now.

- We meeting at my place or yours?
- I'm already here.

- I don't see you.
- I'm in Brentwood.

I had to get here early
to support my girl,

and I needed a little "me" time

to do a proper reassessment
of the investigation

and what our next step should be,
'cause that's what leaders do.

You're pulling this on today, of all days?

It takes a certain kind of person
to be a leader,

- and it ain't always pretty.
- Do you have a Lyft account I can use?

I don't have any money
and my dad cut off my emergency fund.

Ay. Pobrecito, sorry,
but that's just another example

of why you were meant to follow, not lead.

Leaders always have a back-up plan,
a Plan B.

A "plan your way to victory, b*tches."

Thank you for your service
guarding my body and our home.

I know it's a lot to ask
and I hate to ask--

- Then don't.
- I need a favor.

I know you have faith
in our skills to find Lil' Ricky.

- I don't.
- You do. It's...

It's in your body language.

Anyway, with Monse in mourning
and Ruby triggered,

our collective brain
isn't operating at full capacity,

and I fear we aren't going to make

the arbitrary deadline in a few weeks
set by your boss.

Emphasis on "arbitrary."

- And?
- I say that with respect.

In no way am I insinuating

that Cuchillos is thoughtless
in her decision-making--

- What do you want?
- We need an extension.

And I don't know how to ask for one.

So I thought I could ask you to ask her.

I mean, I don't want to ask you
to go out of your way, but...

- Can you?
- Can I what?

Go out of your way...

- to ask her.
- That all?

You're open to more asks.
How about a ride to Brentwood?

How you doing, baby?

Can we go?

- I know it's uncomfortable, but--
- We shouldn't be here.

We're the people she left, and lied about.
No one wants us here.

What about your brother and sister?

They want you here.
Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

She was your mother.
Those kids are your family.

Someone else doesn't want you here?
Screw 'em.

Now eat. When was the last time
you had something to eat?

When I was hungry.

I don't like anything on your plate.

What about theirs?

Try the quiche. It's good.

Take a bite and I'll walk away.

- Sorry I'm late.
- It doesn't matter.

I'm still sorry.

And I'm sorry
that you're going through this and...

that I said all that rough stuff
about not needing you and--

It's fine. We both said rough stuff.

I'm sorry too.

You okay? Anything I can do?

No. You don't have to stay.

None of you do.

This is just another exercise
in a life filled with awkward discomfort.

We're not leaving.

It's non-negotiable.

- Thank you.
- You are so welcome.

Everybody is so nice and sharing plates.

I mean, death really does bring
the best out of the community.

He thinks you're the help.

Douchebag.

You know who doesn't get mistaken
for the help? A leader.

Gracias.

I'm here.

Talk.

My brother and his friends need more time.

Because a mom died?
Is this why you brought me out here?

I didn't ask you to be a messenger,
so don't be.

They don't need more time.

But we do.

With 19th Street.

They're getting riled up
and crossing lines.

We need to calm them down before
they do something that can't be undone.

- We gotta give them Jefferson--
- "We"?

- I just think that if we--
- Your job isn't to think.

- It's to do what I tell you to.
- That is, when you tell me things.

What is that supposed to mean?

I didn't know sh*t about you snatching up
my brother and his friends

after I delivered the Prophet$,
and clean cash.

I was right about that,
just like I'm right about 19th Street.

They're fearless. They have no code.

They don't care if they die,

which means they don't care
if innocent people do either.

They're little boys.

Whiny little b*tches
whose ba*ls haven't dropped.

- Traviesos.
- Traviesos we can't control.

We need to work with them.

Neutralize them.

- If I could just give them Jefferson--
- Jefferson isn't yours to give.

That territory was part of the deal I made

to get you and your little brother
out of that trap house alive.

Just let 19th do what they do.

- They'll wind up k*lling each other.
- You don't understand.

You've been off the streets too long.

- They're bad for business.
- This conversation is bad for business.

- It's wasting my time.
- What about one of my streets?

- First or Second?
- Your streets?

You know what's yours, papacito?

Nada.

You own nothing.

You don't even own yourself.

I own you, Spooky.

Never forget that.

Okay?

- Bullshit.
- It was enough so that Baby J was sore.

Really sore,

and he's never been sore before,
if you know what I mean.

No.

But your skin does look extra soft.

It's what happens when your body
gets totally milked out.

It's the opposite of dehydration.
The skin gets supple.

- Good to know.
- You know what else is good to know?

I think I'm ready
to give sushi another try.

Well, would you look
what the cat dragged in.

Give me a minute and I'll be right back
and we can talk more about me.

Why all the urgency, Jamal?

There is no urgency.

I've seen that face before.
You're onto something. What are you onto?

- More cheese. I'm hungry.
- I call bullshit.

Soft, watery bullshit.

- You're lactose intolerant.
- Fine.

It's true. I have weak bowels.

But if you can't see it,

I'm not going to tell you.

- You're gaming me.
- Maybe.

Maybe not.

Nah,
'cause I got leader's intuition,

and you got nothing but a tense face.

Then I'll be on my way.

And I'll be on mine.

Ha! Leader's intuition, my a*s!

- Like what you see?
- I was just... um...

- Hi.
- Hi.

It's been a while.

- How are you?
- Great. Awesome.

And sad, given the circumstances.

How are you?
You got some nice color on you.

- Did you just return from a trip?
- Nope.

- Change your number?
- Step off.

- And you'd better watch yourself, kid.
- I was just making small talk.

Fine. Why didn't you text
me or Monse back?

Because I have nothing to say.

I don't know who this "Coochie Chillow"
person is you keep asking about.

And all this RollerWorld sh*t
was a long time ago.

I have nothing new to add.

Listen.

This is not the time, nor place,
to be dredging up the past, you hear me?

Now...

tend to your friend.

She knows something.

Cheesecake, cream puff things,
chocolate cake, cookies.

- More cream puff things, and a--
- Stop.

I don't need anything but you.

Just be here.

Be by my side, okay?

- I'm fine.
- We're all fine,

until we die.

- Ruby, come on, man.
- Come on what?

- You made it.
- What else was I supposed to do?

Stay home? Wait for Cuchillos to k*ll me?

Nah, I can wait here instead.

At least there's sandwiches
and cream puff things.

- Inside voices, boo.
- Exactly.

We should all be listening
to that inner voice.

That voice telling us
that we're not good enough,

we're never gonna make it
out of Freeridge,

and even if we do get out,
we'll probably end up offing ourselves.

Like Monse's mom.

Now, I don't know what we're waiting for.

Maybe we should do it now,

while we still look good
in our caskets, right?

- You gotta chill.
- I am chill.

You may have said that in a calm voice,
but what you did back there was not chill.

What's going on with you?

I'm just done dancing around the bullshit
of not telling the truth.

And the truth is, sometimes I wonder
if we might be better off dead.

Ay. Enough.
I know you almost lost your life,

but encouraging other people
to lose theirs

after your friend's mom just died...

is some bullshit.

Look, you have every reason
to feel triggered,

but what you're doing
is triggering other people.

Everybody's going through their own sh*t.
Okay? You gotta stop.

You are bringing down the mood...

at a funeral.

Then what should I do instead?
I mean, this is how I feel.

Tuck that 'tude back back in
and pull out the cool vibe.

How am I supposed to do that?

Yo, I don't know.
Figure it out or go home.

Why would you do that?

To get my vibe back.

Uncool, Ruby.

Screw that b*tch!

If you can't make it happen for us,

we're gonna make it happen ourselves,

even if we have to go through the Santos
to do it.

One week.

That's how long you'll last
if you go against us.

You saw what we did to the Prophet$.

Know what's better than w*r?

Money.

I know how much
you're paying the Armenians.

They're ripping you off.

If you want...

I could hook you up with our connect,
get you product for the low.

All right then.

Tell me more.

How's it going?

I don't know.

Me either.

I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you
after you left.

I didn't know what to say,
but I should have said something.

It's been weighing on me for months
and I--

We're good.

Always were.

My relationship with Julia
was its own thing.

I've been racking my brain
trying to figure out how this happened,

make sense of the senseless.

That's what I've been doing my whole life.

Trying to make sense
of why she did what she did.

She left us too.

A few times.

I didn't know that.

She always came back.

She didn't want to do to Hayden and Cooper
what she did to you.

I'm sorry. I didn't...

- That came out all wrong.
- It's okay.

I'll be okay.

No, no, no, it's not okay. I don't...

want to make you feel any worse
than you already do.

No, you're not.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

The night you left,

what did you say to her?

Why?

She never got over it.

- Finally cleaning up your mess?
- I'm leaving. Caused enough drama here.

Dwayne doesn't need any more problems
and neither do you guys.

We don't.

How'd Cesar take it?

Gonna tell him when I get to Bakersfield.

There's a guy there who's helping me out.
He can help you too.

I don't need help.

- I got everything I need.
- The Santos?

They're more than you've ever been.

I hope they don't sell you out.

There's gonna be a day
when the hood don't love you no more,

when your power's taken,

'cause this isn't a life,

and you don't have to stay here.

You can make other choices,
be something you want to be.

Thanks, Papa. You're right.

I could be president.

Or an astronaut.

Or a movie star.

I can be anything I want to be
because I had such a good role model!

I had a shitty dad too, mijo,

but you got to let go of that rage.

Let it go?

It's the only thing that keeps me going.

It's how I survived out here.

Without you.

I'll see you around.

So I'm supposed
to tell Cesar you're leaving?

You're just putting that on me?

Hey, piece of sh*t!

Everything bad that's ever happened
in my life is because of you.

You're going to crush him
the same way you crushed me.

Why didn't you ever write to me?

Or call?

Did you ever even think of me?

It would have been a lot easier
if you'd just died.

You know, the worst part
about growing up without a father

is having to be a father to a brother
without ever being a son.

Pick up your sh*t and don't come back.

Let me help you with that.

You know... I've been thinking a lot
about what you said

- about keeping things buried.
- I didn't say that.

You know what doesn't need to be buried?

The undead.

I don't mean zombies.

I mean people who aren't dead.

You know what else shouldn't be buried?

- Secrets.
- You don't quit, do you?

Rosé, my queen.

- The true architect of the dance line.
- Well...

Help me help you help us.

I don't think I can give you
the kind of help you need.

I know Lil' Ricky's alive.

I dug up his grave. He wasn't there.

We found a gnomie,

and now some scary lady wants us
to find him and if we don't find him...

I don't want to think about what happens
if we don't find him.

Well, I never said he was dead.

So you do know more
than you're letting on?

'Course I do.
How do you think I got this far?

- Where is he?
- I don't know.

All I can tell you is Lil' Ricky
did me a solid when no one else would.

Got me into the studio
and got me out of Freeridge.

He saw me for what I could be.

That's what he does.

He sees people's talent and potential
and helps them reach their destiny.

The man was a saint.

- "Was"?
- Is! I... I don't know.

And I don't know where he is,
and even if I did,

I wouldn't tell you.

Give me my Tupperware.

- So Brian gave it to you?
- No, she left it for me.

What is it?

It's her new book.

About me...

her and what happened.

I don't want to read this.

Not now.

Do you think she wrote about me?

I'm having a hard time reconciling

if any of the time we shared together
was real.

Was it real? Did it even matter to her?

Was I so bad? What did I do?

I thought taking...

the better job, being on the road,
would give us a better life.

I didn't think it would make her leave.

Maybe it was all my fault.
Maybe she was alone too much.

That didn't make her leave.

She was destined to leave.

It wasn't you, or me.

It was her.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I'm sorry
that you're going through this again.

All those years...

waiting for her to come back for you.

I always thought
she'd come back for me too.

He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.

He did.

What did you do?

- I didn't do sh*t.
- Exactly. You didn't do sh*t.

You could have helped him find a new job
or something.

- But you chose not to.
- I don't have that kind of power.

Bullshit!

- I bet this makes you so happy.
- Happy?

I'm your brother.

For most of your life I've been your dad.

If you're going to be mad at someone,

be mad at him.

He's the one that up and left.

Again.

Cesar. Ces--

Monse was right.

You are cursed.

Everything bad that has happened to me
is because of you.

I had to get out.

Everything was just starting
to feel claustrophobic...

like I can't breathe.

It's the pain of loss.

You can't shake feeling shitty.

But it's normal.

And feeling bad

is normal.

But that's the thing.

I don't feel bad.

Or sad or shitty.

I feel relieved.

I'm glad she's gone.

She can't disappoint me anymore.

Now I can't wonder
whether or not she loved me.

Or if she read my letter.

Or if she'll write me back.

Or leave me a voicemail
that I didn't even listen to.

I deleted the last one she left
and I don't even care.

I don't care that I don't know
the last thing that she said to me.

That's okay.

It's okay.

Is it?

Is it okay?

'Cause I'm worried that all the sh*t
that keeps happening to me...

to us...

I'm worried
that it's starting not to penetrate,

or not make me feel anything.

What if I'm totally desensitized
to pain and loss?

What if I become one of those people
that are numb to life?

I don't want to be that person, Ruby.

I know that feeling.

I feel that too.

But these feelings pass.

How do you know?

Because...

you questioning if you're not feeling

means you're still feeling something.

What are you doing
peeping through my window?

Like you never peeped through mine?

Door.

So what's up?

I'm sorry I kissed you.

I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

- Okay.
- It's just that...

lately...

the only thing
that makes me comfortable...

is you.

Exactly.

- That means they're not real feelings.
- But they feel real to me.

'Cause you're worried about the unknown,
and I represent the known.

So why is that a bad thing?

Because you only tell me
about your feelings

when you are all up in them.

You're scared and vulnerable,
and I represent security and a crutch.

But a crutch is something that you need,
not something that you want,

and I want to be with somebody
who wants to be with me at all times,

not just when they're feeling afraid.

I'm a whole life's love, boo,

not just part of someone's
one-eighth life crisis.

But...

- These feelings, they might be real.
- Might be.

If you don't know... they're not.

Good night.

He sees
people's talent and potential

and helps them reach their destiny.

I found him.

I found Lil' Ricky.