Twinless (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Yep.

Hi. I'm Judy.

- Roman.

- I worked with Rocky.

Sorry.

It's like looking at a ghost.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Have to get out of here.

Roman. Eric.

We've never met,

but I feel like I know you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm-I'm here if you...

Oh, God. Your face.

It doesn't--

Actually, it doesn't seem like

you are trying to do your job.

No, looks like--

It feels like you're doing

the opposite of your job

'cause it should be pretty easy

to cancel

- my dead brother's account.

- Do you want this?

- I don't know.

- Ma, I don't know.

I'm on the phone.

No, do not put me on hold!

- Do you want these?

- I-- Mom, please.

Don't tell me

to f*cking calm down!

I've been on the phone

for, like, an hour--

- Hello? f*ck!

- Roman,

do you want me to keep these

or throw them away?

- Do we have to do this now?

- We don't have the room,

but if you wanna keep

everything--

Can we just do this tomorrow,

please? Why?

Because I'm going back tomorrow.

Okay, but I'm gonna be here,

so just leave it.

You're gonna pack up

this entire apartment?

- Yes. Yes.

- Oh, that's rich.

I'll do it myself-- What?

I don't think you should

stay here. I don't think

- it's good for you.

- Oh, come on. You don't know

what's good for me, Mom.

You never knew

- what was good for me. Okay?

- All right.

- You kidding me?

- Well, then never mind.

- I won't help you.

- Good.

- You can do all this yourself.

- That's what I'm saying.

- That's-- Go.

- I'll go back to the hotel.

- Don't call me.

- Good. Good for f*cking you!

Time-out!

Roman.

You need help.

You need help.

Well, that's true.

Hello, everyone.

It's seven o'clock,

so I say let's get started.

I see some new faces here today,

so I thought it would be fun

to go in a circle.

Say your name,

a vegetable that starts

with the same first letter

and one thing you don't miss

about your twin.

Charlotte. Carrot.

I don't miss Claire

stealing my boyfriend.

No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

We won't go in a circle.

But Claire, she really

did steal my boyfriend.

He couldn't tell us apart.

But it still counts, right?

I miss her laugh.

We always laughed together.

We talked about doing this

Abbott and Costello routine.

But I was too shy.

So, I said to myself

I'll try stand-up.

Yep, and I'm about

to test jokes on you,

so bear with me.

Okay, you ready? All right.

Raise your hand

if you have a twin.

Okay.

This is a good crowd.

You know, so many people,

they're always asking,

"Who's older?"

I am now that she's dead.

As a twin, it's like

you internalize the difference

between you and your other half.

Claire's the outgoing one,

Claire's the beautiful one,

Claire's the one with chlamydia.

I was so upset

when she got chlamydia

without me.

We're supposed to do

everything together.

Oh, I wouldn't eat that.

Tastes like ba*ls.

Mm, I like ba*ls.

Oh.

Mm.

Oh, my God,

that's so bad.

Are you, uh...

Am I...?

Oh, just--

You said you like ba*ls, so...

Rocky, my brother, was g*y.

Was your twin?

Um... No.

Right.

It's weird, isn't it?

Uh, epigenetics.

- Uh...

- They're the things you inherit

on top of your DNA.

They may account

for discrepancies

between identical twins.

Huh.

Hey, do you get carsick?

- Sometimes. Why?

- Oh.

Rocky always had to sit

in the front seat

when we were kids, and...

I don't know, I just thought

maybe that was connected

to, like, the g*y gene.

If there is one.

Not that there is one.

Uh, it was just an idea.

I'm no scientist.

Um, well,

there is a g*y gene.

Uh, we see orange as blue

and blue as orange.

That's why

there's so many h*m*

- in the fashion industry.

- Oh. See?

Well, there you go.

I'm sorry, you know

that I'm joking, right?

That-that's not true.

Yeah. No, I knew that.

Okay.

I'm D-- uh, I'm Dennis.

Roman.

- What was your twin's name?

- Are you hungry?

- Sorry, what?

- Sorry. I was just gonna ask

if you like sandwiches.

Never mind.

You sure you don't want some?

Mm, I'm okay.

- I forgot I already ate.

- Mm.

I don't drink caffeine

'cause it does things to me.

Then Brad converted me to tea.

Herbal tea.

Brad was this guy I was

in love with back in New York.

Then one day, I found

all these goat-f*cking videos

- in his browser history.

- Whoa.

I tried to get him to confess,

but I avoid conflict,

so at dinner, I'd order

goat cheese on an entre,

or one time when he was sucking

on my neck, I bleated like...

See how he'd react.

So, I know he knew I knew.

Maybe that's why

he broke up with me.

He broke up with you?

Mm. He was the better catch.

I don't know anything

about Rocky's boyfriends.

We didn't really talk

about that stuff.

What stuff did you talk about?

Socks.

- Socks?

- I get holes in all my socks.

I think it's 'cause

I forget to cut my toenails.

Rocky thinks

it's 'cause I shop at Walmart.

That was our last conversation.

I'm sorry.

Not your fault.

So, did you live

with your brother?

Uh, no. Yeah, in college.

Mm. Rocky went to college.

I stayed in Moscow.

Moscow, Idaho?

You know another one?

Another Moscow?

I need to get out

of my mom's basement.

She started charging me rent.

Hmm. And how's she taking it?

Cash.

How is she feeling?

She's a nut bucket.

Rocky was her favorite, so...

Mm. I'm nobody's favorite.

Feel like being a twin

kind of f*cked me.

I never needed anyone else

as a kid, you know, but now...

feel like I can't make friends

with a fork.

Once, twice a week's not enough.

I want to hang out all the time.

I'm-I'm too needy.

I hate doing things alone.

Cooking meals, opening mail,

- folding laundry.

- Yeah.

So much faster with two people.

Right? I mean, honestly,

whoever invented

the fitted sheet

should be flagellated.

And not the fun kind.

You get me.

Rocky!

Long time no see. How are you?

Did you get a haircut?

Oh. Uh, yeah.

This is so random.

I was literally thinking

about you the other day.

I was reading an article about

how there's a Japanese word

for people who die

in their apartments...

- Mm.

- ...and it takes a long time

for anyone to find the body--

Years even.

Old men mostly.

It's like a big problem

over there.

Ah, that's awful.

Isn't it?

Anyway, I figured

you knew this already

because you used to live

in Tokyo, right?

Right. Yeah.

Yeah, what is the word again?

Oh, uh...

"Ahtoatushi."

That doesn't sound right.

Hello?

Hey. It's Roman.

Do you wanna get groceries

with me?

Hey, how do you know

if lemons are ripe?

Uh, it's yellow.

Unripe lemons are green.

So why do they got

so many unripe ones out?

Those are limes.

Uh...

Are you okay?

Can you not laugh at me?

I know I'm not, like,

the brightest tool in the shed,

but... I don't appreciate it.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

I'm sorry.

You know, if I get

something wrong... tell me.

'Cause...

then I can know better.

Would now be a good time

to point out

I think you meant to say,

"sharpest tool in the shed?"

Yeah.

Maybe you meant to say,

"brightest bulb in the box."

- Yeah, maybe that's

what I meant.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey.

Uh, sorry.

I haven't been

sleeping well, so...

Oh.

Hey, is that Rocky's shirt?

Oh, yeah, yeah. How'd you know?

- Looks good on you.

- Thanks.

What, uh,

what are we looking for?

Oh, just browsing.

I pick books based on the cover.

I thought you weren't

supposed to do that.

You're also not supposed

to put Q-tips in your ear,

but if you do it right,

it feels really good.

I don't know

why I'm doing this

'cause nobody's ever

gonna hear it.

I answered a call

from an unknown number once,

and he said, "Hey,

I was thinking about you."

"What are you doing tonight?"

And we baked...

Hey.

Think I'm gonna stay.

- What?

- Yeah. Lawyer says,

the probate's gonna take

a little while anyway.

Plus, Rocky's boss

offered me a job.

Uh, he was crying a lot,

but I think he was serious.

Hmm.

Feel like I need to be here

right now.

Totally.

Yeah.

So, I guess that means you and I

get to be grocery buddies.

Hey, what's up

with your voicemail greeting,

by the way?

One more.

Okay, ready?

Hello.

This is Dennis's phone.

Please leave a message...

after the tone.

Fluffy bunny!

What are you thinking about?

Do you believe

in the death penalty?

That's what

you were thinking about?

I guess no.

Because there's a chance

of executing someone innocent,

and death is irrevocable.

Yeah, but there's some things

you can't take back.

True.

What's the worst thing

you've ever done?

What's the worst thing

you've ever done?

There's a few.

Mm.

This one time...

Rocky and I, uh...

we were 16.

And, um...

It was my fault he died.

- What?

- It was my fault.

Dean was supposed to pick me up

from the airport.

But he forgot.

And I could've

just called a cab,

but I wanted him to pick me up,

so I called him again

and again and again,

and I was relentless.

So, he broke the speed limit.

And you can guess

where this is going.

He crashed.

My last words to him were...

"f*ck you."

So... that's my story.

Um...

In fifth grade,

I had a stye in my left eye.

On school picture day.

It was...

swollen and red.

And I looked like

Forest Whitaker.

So, I begged to stay home.

But I was overruled,

so Dean pretended to be me

for the yearbook.

He saved me. Um...

He was always there

on the bad days.

When Ashley

from down the street, uh,

made fun of my pink pencil box,

he called her a butter troll.

Uh, when my stepfather asked me

not to come home anymore,

Dean held my hand.

Feels like, uh...

every day's a bad day now.

Um, sorry, uh...

It hurts. Like, um,

it's literally painful.

But I like it because

if I don't have

the pain, then...

he's really gone.

And I'm actually alone.

Excuse me.

Hi. Um, is anybody sitting here?

No. Um, yeah, feel free.

Uh, I'm almost done,

but, uh, yeah,

I-I don't have anywhere

to be, so...

Oh. Oh, no, sorry. I just

want the chair.

Yeah.

- Take it.

- Okay, thanks.

That was tragic.

- Oh, you saw that?

- I did, yeah. We all did.

Everyone in the diner.

You have to leave.

You can't be here anymore.

- We voted.

- Oh.

I know. Come on.

I'll escort you out.

Come on.

You have to come with me.

No, leave the sandwich.

Yeah. Yeah. Here we go.

Oh, my God, were you just

looking at my butt?

No.

They make

really good sandwiches.

Oh, I don't like

really good sandwiches.

I like good ones.

What's your favorite sandwich?

- BLT.

- Mm.

- We can skip the small talk.

- Yeah, yeah, we can.

Hmm. Ooh.

What's your relationship like

with your father?

Are you close with your parents?

No, you can't answer a question

with a question.

- I'm close with my father.

- Mm.

We don't talk much.

It's an unspoken closeness.

He lives in Japan.

- Japan?

- Yeah.

- Why Japan?

- Uh, I was born in Japan.

He's a professor in Osaka.

- Wait, really? Are you fluent?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean,

I-I understand fluently,

but my accent's sort of--

Anyway.

Uh, so don't ask me

to say anything.

What did I just say?

- Something about milkshakes.

- Oh, my God.

- You're a skinny f*cking liar.

- Why do you speak Japanese?

Because I lived in Tokyo.

Why would you lie to me?

Is this over?

No, you're cute.

I'm kind of obsessed

with you.

- Wait, where did you park?

- No, we passed it.

- Why didn't you say anything?

- I was following you.

Aw. You like following me?

Tell me something

you've never told anyone.

I've never seen Steel Magnolias.

- Oh, that's so hot.

- Yeah? Your turn.

Uh, in eighth-grade science,

I put the father hamster

back in the cage

with the mother hamster,

and he ate two of the babies.

Oh, that's kind of kinky.

If we were in a relationship,

we could share clothes.

I don't think

we're the same size.

- How tall are you?

- Five-ten.

Mmm. I'm five-ten.

Twins.

These even real?

- You know, I am a twin.

- What?

- I'm a twin.

- You have a twin?

Yeah. Pinch my nipple.

- You messing with me right now?

- No.

Are you monozygotic?

- If that means identical, yeah.

- Oh!

I am obsessed with twins.

I owned the entire

New Adventures of Mary-Kate

and Ashley book series.

I watched all their movies

and all of their

abruptly canceled TV series.

I asked my mom for a twin

every Christmas from age five...

...until I learned what sex was.

I can't believe

you have a twin.

- I love twins.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- His name's Roman.

Oh, Rocky and Roman.

I f*cking love that.

Does he live in Portland?

Does he live in this building?

Did you just get harder?

So, did you ever switch places?

Sophomore year.

Geometry final.

What's the longest sentence

you've ever said in unison?

"All that she wants

is another bagel."

Oh, my God,

I'm gonna come.

So, why are you

so obsessed with twins?

Mm. I don't want to tell you.

Oh, you're gonna tell me anyway.

Come on.

It's embarrassing.

Well, you've crossed

that threshold tonight...

...multiple times.

Uh, um...

I constructed this fantasy

that my mother took me

and my father took my twin,

and they never wanted us

to meet,

and that's why

I was never allowed

to visit him in Japan.

Did you really believe that?

Mm, maybe.

I don't know. I wanted to.

They say we're born alone,

we live alone and we die alone,

but... for twins,

that isn't true.

You have a built-in best friend.

No, twins can get lonely too.

I'm incredibly lonely.

Mm-mm. You're just saying that

to make me feel better

- about myself.

- I'm not. I mean it.

I mean it.

I'm very adept at...

sharing myself

with other people.

But sometimes I can run empty.

Because...

I'm always giving

and not so much receiving.

With Roman, it's fifty-fifty.

Well, it was. I mean, we...

we don't really talk

that much anymore.

What happened?

Just life.

Growing up, we were attached

by the hip, obviously, but...

We're very different... now.

And I think that's...

I think it's harder for him.

There's a photo of us as kids

where we're wearing

these matching pajamas,

and to this day,

I could not tell you

which one I am in the picture.

It's crazy.

I was "We."

And now, I'm "I."

You miss him.

Very much.

He's my favorite person.

He thinks I'm the good twin,

but it's him.

When we were really little, I...

I broke my big toe

tripping up the stairs one time,

and later that same day,

Roman comes home

and has a broken foot.

He didn't want me to be

in pain by myself.

Oh. Oh, my God, that's adorable.

He probably, like,

dropped a bowling ball

on it or something.

- My God.

- I know.

I've never broken a bone.

Oh, no. Now, it's gonna happen.

It's like a thing.

You can't say that.

Okay.

You should call him.

Yeah, I should.

You should call him

and I'll listen.

Oh, Jesus.

Hold your hippos.

No, I can't.

I must amend

your broken twinship.

My whole life has been waiting

for this moment.

You're really sweet.

I think you'd be a good twin.

I'm falling in love with you.

I heard that.

I like this font for the OM.

Ugh, lobster? You're k*lling me.

That's offensive

to sweatshop workers,

don't you think?

Hey, can I ask you

a personal question?

I don't really like to talk

about my personal life at work.

Well, it's about

my personal life.

Sure, that's fine.

So I had this amazing date

with a guy,

and we both like

really good sandwiches,

so I texted him on Monday,

"Sandwiches for dinner?"

"How's tomorrow or Wednesday

or Thursday or Friday?"

And he didn't respond.

That's too bad.

- Onto the next.

- Well, I'm not done.

So I followed up with him

on Tuesday,

"Actually, can't do Thursday,"

even though I could.

"How's tomorrow,

aka Wednesday or Friday?"

PS, how was your day?"

And nothing.

How long do you think I should

wait before I text him again?

Never text him again.

He doesn't like you.

Mm.

Hi, Dennis.

- Hey, Marcie.

- How's your day going?

Ugh, well. Can I ask you

- a personal question?

- Mm-hmm.

How many consecutive texts

can you send

to a potential soulmate before

you stop respecting yourself?

- I'm at five.

- And he hasn't responded?

No. And we had

the best date ever.

Eight hours awake

and four hours asleep.

I don't understand.

Is he blowing me off?

No, that's silly.

Why would anyone ignore you?

You're such a great guy.

Maybe he's just really busy.

Sometimes when the phones

are really busy,

I forget to reply to things

until days later.

I think some people forget

how much you mean to them

until they see your face,

you know?

Like out of sight, out of mind.

I kind of just wanna

show up at his door,

like that Carole King song.

That's romantic, right?

Maybe. It could be. Yeah.

I mean, you know him

better than I do,

so I say go with your gut.

You're so right.

I knew you were

the person to ask.

Reception.

Hello?

UPS.

Oh, okay.

- Come on.

- Okay.

I can't keep up with this drama.

- Is it really?

- Yeah.

Are you serious?

Jesus Christ.

I'm traversing here!

- I've always wanted

to say that.

- Wait,

that was so sexy.

Rocky!

f*ck you!

Do you know that guy?

Yeah. Give me two minutes.

Hi.

I was gonna call you.

Hi. You've reached the voicemail

of Dennis Benver.

I'm sorry I can't get

to the phone right now.

I'll try calling you back

at a future time and date.

Hi. You've reached

the voicemail of Dennis.

I'm so sorry I missed your call,

but if you leave your name

and your number,

I'll get back to you

in a reasonable time.

Thanks for calling.

Leave a message.

I'm sorry. The call you entered

cannot be completed as dialed.

- Please hang up and try again.

- Hi.

If you need help, hang up

and then call your operator.

Hey, uh...

Nobody's ever gonna hear this.

Um...

I answered a call

from an unknown number once,

and he said,

"Hey, I was thinking about you.

What are you doing tonight?"

And we baked

a strawberry shortcake.

And in the morning,

I went looking

for another slice.

I forgot it was just a dream.

We don't bite.

Oh, sorry. I think I'm lost.

I understand.

You can just listen if you want.

What's your twin's name?

Rocky was scared of the dark

when we were kids.

We had bunk beds,

but me and him

would always share the top bunk.

So, the monsters

couldn't get him.

Then one night,

he said that he wasn't afraid.

And that I was the one

who was afraid.

f*cking pissed me off.

Uh...

We were probably too old

to be sharing a bed

at that point, anyway.

I don't-- I don't know

why I was telling that story.

- Hi, Dennis!

- Oh, f*ck me!

Oh, sorry,

I didn't mean to startle you.

I thought I was

the last one here.

Are you still working?

No, I'm studying.

For the LSAT.

I didn't know

you wanted to be a lawyer.

That's so cool! Wow!

Okay, well, have a good night.

Okay!

Bye, Dennis. Oh, and good luck.

- Hello?

- Hey.

It's Roman.

Hey.

You wanna get groceries

with me?

Yeah! I've been, um,

meaning to go to the store.

I might forget to

turn out all the lights

But you take care of me

When I have to leave

At dawn

I might sleep in

Past all my alarms

But you take care of us

When I make it tough

Because

It takes all that I got

Not to f*ck this up

So, won't you let me know

If I'm not alone

Leaning on you

Was I fearless...

Rocky!

Oh. Wow. You...

Sorry,

you must be Rocky's brother?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Um, I'm so sorry

for your loss.

Thanks.

Were you at the service or...

No, I was-- I was in Tahiti,

for work.

Uh, but I was--

I was there when he died.

Oh, you're that guy.

We were just trying

to get some froyo,

and this crazy f*cking lunatic,

like, starts screaming at us.

And so,

Rocky stepped into the street,

and this car came out of,

like, nowhere,

and I heard

this crunching sound.

Wow. Um, you don't need

to hear all that.

I'm sorry. I'm in the process

of switching therapists.

Did you get a look

at the crazy screaming guy or...

I couldn't tell you, honestly.

It just-- It happened so fast.

Uh, I didn't get

a good look at him.

Oh. I've just, uh,

thought a lot about

what I would do to that guy

if I ever saw him.

Rip his f*cking testicles

right out of his throat,

shove them back down

through his own d*ck hole,

back out his a*s.

Pummel his f*cking face till

he was past his expiration date.

Hi. I'm sorry. I didn't--

I didn't mean to interrupt

your conversation,

but, um... Oh!

Do I know you?

No, sorry. I'm-I'm Rupert.

- I'm just visiting from London.

- Oh.

But it happens to me

all the time, actually.

One of those faces.

All the time. I always say that.

Okay. Well, that must be,

that must be very nice.

Anyway,

I just wanted to say "Hi,"

and, um, sorry this was awkward,

but, yeah, my condolences.

- Bye, Rupert.

- Thanks.

Have a good one.

What the hell was that?

I start

talking in different accents

when I find someone attractive.

It's a defense mechanism.

Wait, sh*t.

- Let me go get him back.

- No!

So was he your type?

Uh...

I don't think I have a type.

You know, there's a g*y guy

at work.

Sam.

You should meet him.

I think you'd really get along.

You know, that's sort of like,

"You're both Asian.

I'm sure you have lots

of Asian things to talk about."

No, man,

I'm trying to hook you up.

Come on.

What kind of girls are you into?

I like boobs.

But honestly, at this point,

I just wanna meet a nice girl.

Nice girls don't have boobs?

If you find one, let me know.

Together or separate?

- Together.

- Separate.

Why is this f*cking light on?

- Happy birthday to you

- How did you guys know?

- Happy birthday to you

- I never talk about

my personal life!

Happy birthday, dear Sage

Happy birthday to...

- Hi, Dennis.

- Mm, hi, Marcie.

- You look really happy.

- Mm, thanks.

- I am happy.

- That's amazing! Good for you.

Yeah. I'm going to Seattle

this weekend for a hockey game.

Ah, how exciting.

I love winter sports.

It's the Michigan in me.

Yeah, it's a bit testosterone-y

for my taste,

but Roman's into it,

and relationships

are about compromise.

Ooh! Who's Roman?

Is he your boyfriend?

No. Um, we're just pals.

- That's really nice.

- Yeah.

- Are you married?

- Me?

No. Um, did you think

I was married?

Yeah, you just seem like someone

who would be married

by your age.

It's funny you say that,

because all the women

in my family married very young,

and I always thought

I would have a kid

before I turned 28.

And sure, these days,

there are advancements,

but the clock is still ticking.

For my eggs.

Right, well,

I'm gonna get more cake.

Okay. I'll just stand here.

She rolls the window down

And she talks

over the sound

Of the cars that pass us by

And I don't know why

But she's changed my mind

Would you look at her

She looks at me

She's got me thinking

About her constantly

But she don't know

How I feel

And as she carries on

Without a doubt

I wonder

If she's figured out

I'm crazy for this girl...

Yeah, I'm crazy

for this girl

So she asked

if I want an ice cream cone,

and I said, "Yes, but I would

like ice cream in it."

- Ah.

- What?

Nothing.

My dog jaw's bothering me.

- Your dog jaw?

- Yeah.

- You never heard of dog jaw?

- No.

It's like I was born

with a jawbone

that's shaped like a paw print.

- What?

- Here. Yeah, you can feel it

right here.

- Here?

- Yeah.

f*ggots.

Wait, what'd you say?

- It's fine. Let it go.

- Hey! f*ck did you say?

I said, "Look at those f*ggots."

Why don't you apologize?

Hey, why don't you suck my d*ck?

Okay, I will suck whosever d*ck

if we can just

de-escalate the situation.

You should listen

to your girlfriend.

Say you're sorry.

I'm sorry.

f*ck you!

Oh. There's one here. Oh!

Oh, no.

I don't like this.

Oh, oh, what? Ow!

Come here,

you little f*cking piece

of sh*t!

Roman.

Roman. Roman.

Roman, Roman, Roman!

Stop, stop, stop!

Oh, f*ck!

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Oh, f*ck.

f*ck!

I thought Gen Z

was supposed to be nice.

I got ice in a bucket.

Need me to put it

anywhere on you?

Yeah, my bourbon.

I poured you one too.

All right.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Okay.

So, where'd you learn

to beat people up?

I took a little karate as a kid,

but I quit

when I didn't make blue belt.

Then I guess I dabbled

in some MMA after high school,

but honestly, you don't learn

to fight in a classroom.

You learn in the streets.

In the streets?

Who are you?

So, you're not mad?

Thought maybe you wouldn't...

condone violence or something.

It was self-defense.

For the first half.

Well, if you're going to hell,

keep going.

Right?

Right.

Hey, can I confess

something to you?

I've been using

Rocky's gym membership.

Pretending I'm him.

It's kind of f*cked up, right?

Yeah, that's...

crazy.

You know, I actually got hit

on there the other day.

I thought maybe

the guy knew Rocky, so, uh,

I just went with it.

What did he say?

He was like, "Someone's been

working their arms."

- He did not say that.

- Yeah, he did. Yeah, he...

Then I said, uh, "Yeah,

you know, I've been

working 'em real good."

You're such a tease.

What? I experimented.

- You did?

- Mm.

I, uh...

...kissed a guy at a party once.

It was after Rocky came out.

I think I was just trying

to understand.

I never told him that.

You could talk to me

like I'm Rocky.

Yeah, so you're dead now.

That's what you get

for not looking both ways.

You only wanna look forward.

Sorry, I don't even know

what to...

I can't even remember

the last time

we had a real conversation.

That wasn't, "How's work?"

You know, "How's Mom?"

And it's always

on your time too.

Better things to do, right?

You wished me a "happy birthday"

the day after.

And, I mean,

I know you didn't forget.

Like, I'm-I'm pretty stupid,

but I'm not that f*cking stupid.

You know, I actually waited

until midnight, just in case,

and...

and the second it...

Well, I snapped, 'cause...

to be honest,

you're so f*cking selfish.

Like, what, you don't-- you...

you don't wanna deal with me?

You know, I'm--

I'm sorry I don't read politics,

or... ...like,

or whatever, but, like...

You know what?

It's your f*cking fault

we're like this.

Yeah, you couldn't wait

to get away. I mean, I would've,

I would've followed you

to college.

I would've gone to Japan.

I would've figured it out.

But you never even

f*cking asked me!

Sorry.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry

I can't control my anger.

And I'm sorry I blew up at you

when you told me you like guys.

I'm sorry

I called you a f*gg*t.

I wish I could take it back.

Oh, and your face

when I said it,

I...

I know that's why you left!

I think I was just--

I was scared that...

I don't... I don't know.

If I didn't... if I didn't...

If you weren't like me,

and we weren't the same,

then... then I wouldn't know

who I was, you know?

But that-- but that's okay,

because you...

you can talk about guys,

and I can talk about girls,

and we both still...

you know, like video games,

and-and hockey, and pizza.

Well, everybody likes pizza.

I don't know how

to f*cking be here without you.

I don't know how

to f*cking be here without you!

I don't know how

to f*cking be here without you!

I wish you could've met Rocky.

He would've really liked you.

There might not be

a lot of people there.

Just so you know, uh,

Marcie's kind of a...

I mean, I don't wanna say

she's a loser, but,

I mean, you'll see.

See you

blowing me a kiss...

Roman?

Whoa, Sammy.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I took a woodworking class

with Marcie.

What are you doing here?

This is my buddy Dennis.

He works with Marcie.

Oh, hey, what's up?

I'm-I'm Sammy.

Hi.

He's the g*y guy from work

I was telling you about.

What are the odds?

Hi. I hear

we have a lot in common.

Do you?

I'll go get us

a couple of drinks.

Why don't, uh, you two mingle?

Not like we have a date

with destiny

It's just a little crush...

- Oh, I f*cking hate that song.

- I love this song.

Hmm. So, uh, you like wood?

- Um...

- Oh, uh... Yeah.

I, uh, I like to use my hands.

I have soft hands.

- Cool.

- I was told I have the hands

of somebody who's never worked

a day in their life.

- Wow!

- I think by my mother.

Hi!

Hi. Sorry, I'm-I'm...

- Can I feel?

- ...Roman.

- Yeah.

- I'm Marcie.

Very soft.

Yeah.

Um...

any other hobbies?

Hiking, skiing, paragliding,

rock climbing, mountainboarding,

white water rafting. Parkour.

Feel like that's too many.

It's a bit of a problem.

I'm sort of an adrena-junkie,

you know?

Isn't parkour dangerous?

- No.

- But people die doing it?

Yes.

Okay.

You just have to know

your limits.

I don't know my limits!

Like, what's the wildest thing

you did this year?

Nothing comes to mind. Um...

jury duty. Or I almost--

I had a conflict,

so they didn't pick me.

You're cute.

...In your eyes

A vision of you and me...

Oh, you never played

the original Sims?

Oh, man, it's the best.

Actually, a lot of people don't

realize it was really hard.

'Cause you don't get weekends,

so you have to spend

all your time going to work,

going to sleep,

showering, cleaning, cooking,

pooping, you know? Sorry.

But, yeah, you really have

to tend to their needs,

'cause, um,

they'll let you know about it.

They get very cranky.

Um, they'll pee their pants.

They'll, uh, get

very depressed, actually.

They can get depressed.

Oh. Wow. I...

I always just thought

it was a silly game

- where they talk gibberish.

- No, no, no.

There's stakes. Yeah.

It's life or death out there.

And it's actually not gibberish.

It's Simlish.

It's like

it's whole own language.

Sorry.

Sorry. That's dumb.

No, it's really sweet.

It was just my favorite game

when I was a kid.

I have a twin brother.

We were obsessed with it,

so we just would play it

for hours together.

Real hours,

not Sims hours. Yeah.

Part of me always thought that's

what my life would be like

when we got older too.

Rocky and I would get a house

and sh**t hoops

on the SuperDoop,

talk in the hot tub.

I was always

the stay-at-home twin.

He'd get the job, the promotion,

and I'd kind of clean the house,

and, you know, fix things,

and cook the meals, and...

I'd always burn down

the kitchen too.

Uh, he hated that.

Do you and Rocky still play?

No, he, uh,

he passed away

a couple months ago, actually.

Oh, no.

- I'm so sorry.

- Nah, it's okay.

Um, I mean, you didn't know.

I'm so sorry.

- Oh...

- Marcie! Happy--

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

I'm just an emotional drinker.

Shelly, happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween!

- You look so great.

Thank you!

- Hey, Marcie.

- Hi, Dennis.

- Great party.

- Yeah. Thanks for coming.

You have so many friends.

Never would've guessed.

Really? Huh.

That's interesting, yeah.

I mean, everyone at work

sees you a certain way,

but I'm actually

an ENFP personality.

Although

my first week working here,

I was getting over mono,

so I tried to avoid

infecting anyone,

and I think I made

a bad impression.

- How'd you get mono?

- I don't know.

But I was an RA in college,

and then Kappa Delta,

so I have no problem sharing

a shower with ten other girls.

That's how you got mono?

No.

I'm just saying

I've always been an extrovert.

I just love people.

Oh.

Reception.

Let me transfer you.

I'm sorry, you got me babbling.

Um, did you need something?

Do you remember my friend Roman?

Oh, my gosh, yes. He is so...

Um, I really liked him.

Well, we were thinking

it might be fun

to hang out sometime.

Together. Like a double date.

And Roman would be

my designated date?

Yes. Was that not clear?

- Oh, my gosh!

- Um... ...yes!

I'm so there.

Oh, hey, Sammy.

How you doing?

- Hey, what's up?

- Nothing. Nothing.

It was cool running into you

this weekend.

Uh, hey, what'd you think

of my friend Dennis?

- No.

- Okay.

- What is he doing here?

- I ran into him again.

You told me

you thought he was attractive.

What happened to Sammy?

Sammy was great.

Sammy said

that he thought you were cute,

but that he doesn't do cute.

- I can't do this!

- Yes, you can.

I explained everything.

He knows

you're not really from London.

I'm allergic to shellfish,

I once fell off a ski lift...

...um, and I've never been

- to another country.

- Nobody falls off a ski lift.

Everybody's been

to another country.

- I've been to Canada one time.

- Okay.

Oh, gosh.

Okay, you got me.

Wait. Um, so how did you

fall off a ski lift?

Uh, we were kids,

we took a Christmas trip

to Sun Valley once,

and Rocky dropped his glove,

and I reached for it

and tried to grab it.

Yeah.

Head first, ten, 15 feet.

Uh, I remember just hearing

this snap in my wrist.

- Jesus.

- Yeah.

- I love skiing.

- Oh, no way. You like skiing?

Yeah, yeah. I-I ski.

- Um, I'm from Michigan.

- That's cool.

- You don't even have an accent.

- Okay, my turn.

I can't whistle,

I once traded my cat Noodles

for my neighbor's

Princess Diana Beanie Baby.

The deal was revoked

hours later.

And what else, what else?

Um, oh.

I auditioned

for The Real World...

...San Diego

when I was in college.

Mm, your second one

is too specific to be a lie.

And you didn't audition

for Real World.

Yeah, you hesitated

before that last one.

- I think that's...

that's probably the lie.

- Yeah.

I think you can whistle, right?

- I've never had a cat.

- Oh, my God!

- What?

- You are so good at this.

Yeah. Well, the trick is

to say something

that is emotionally true

but factually false.

- Yeah.

- Okay, um, my turn.

Uh, when I was ten,

I almost lost a testicle

in a diving board accident...

You know, I used to feel...

I don't wanna say "superior"

to singletons, but...

Yeah, like, I felt bad for them.

And now,

I'm just like everybody else.

Except worse.

Because I know.

I see twins everywhere I go.

My bar, my park.

I had to switch juiceries,

because my go-to hired

twin cashiers.

- Hi, boys.

- Hey.

- And good morning.

- Morning.

I snuck it past security.

- My God, you're so naughty.

- No, I didn't.

- I just asked really politely.

- Oh.

I would've brought you one,

but Roman says

you don't drink coffee.

Yeah, coffee's bad

for your teeth. I drink tea.

You know, tea actually contains

a higher tannin content

than coffee,

so it's more likely

to stain your teeth.

- Interesting fact!

- I didn't know that.

- Yeah.

- Starbucks sells tea, FYI.

Oh, I brew my own coffee.

I just really like

their travel mugs.

- You look really cute today.

- Thanks, baby.

Oh, Dennis.

I saw a pair of twins

at the gym yesterday,

and then I saw another pair

of twins on my walk home.

It's like they're everywhere.

- That's the frequency illusion.

- What?

Also known as

the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.

It's like when I got

my navy blue Prius.

Suddenly, I was seeing

navy blue Prii everywhere,

but they'd always been there,

I just wasn't paying attention.

You are so smart today.

I mean, you're smart every day,

- but especially today.

- No!

I was a psychology major.

That's why

you're a receptionist.

'Cause you're so good

with people.

Thanks, Dennis.

Anyway,

it, uh, reminded me of

the discussion we had in group.

What group?

The support group

I'm always talking about.

Wait, does Dennis have a twin?

Yeah, that's how we met.

I thought I told you this.

No, I...

Dennis, you told me

you were an only child.

- Mm, I didn't tell you that.

- Yeah, yeah!

It was bagel Friday.

I remember,

because I'm an only child too,

and-and we're both Leos.

Well, I am an only child now,

because my twin, Dean, died,

and it's very personal,

so I guess I didn't feel

comfortable telling you that.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's fine.

It's okay.

You know,

I feel like such a doofus,

because there was

that one time at work

a couple of months ago,

and I didn't want to pry,

but you were so sad,

and-and you were

kind of hard to understand,

but you were saying

something about

how the love of your life

had been hit by a--

No! Stop!

- Dennis?

- You okay, man?

Uh, I-I need to get out of here!

I'm-I'm claustrophobic,

and I don't wanna talk

about Dean!

I think he's having

an anxiety attack.

Yes! I-I'm having

an anxiety attack!

Anxiety attack! Anxiety attack!

- Hey.

- So, I spoke with Sharon,

the manager--

Oh, she's a sweetheart.

Do we want credit or a refund?

- Refund.

- Credit.

Jonny died.

My dog.

I shouldn't have named him

after my brother.

It's like he's gone

all over again.

After... Jonny died,

the real Jonny,

I became glued to my wife.

She said I was

trying to replace my brother...

- Dennis.

- Maybe you should get it.

It's the third time.

It could be an emergency!

Oh, my God. sh*t.

Hey, buddy, it's late.

Everything okay?

Yeah, sorry.

Did I wake you?

No, no.

Just, uh, hanging with Marcie.

Oh, right, Marcie. So needy.

- Uh, you're on speaker.

- Hi, Dennis.

So, what's up?

Just wanted to see

what you were doing.

Uh, we're doing nothing,

talking about Christmas

and stockings and all the stuff

we want to stuff in them.

Nice. Mm.

Are you headed home

for Christmas?

Um, I'll be here, alone, again.

I mean, don't worry about me.

I'm used to it.

I'm sure

I'll find something to do.

You know, I've got that whole

unread collection of books

I like to look at.

Dennis, hang on. I'm just gonna

put you on hold for a second.

Uh, sure.

Yeah,

I have nothing better to do.

Hey, buddy,

sorry that took so long. Um,

how'd you like to spend

Christmas in Moscow?

Moscow, Idaho?

That's the one.

She rolls the window down

And she talks

over the sound

Do you have

enough leg room, Dennis?

No.

Of the cars

that pass us by...

- Where are the decorations?

- I'm sorry, what?

Decorations?

Where are the lights?

Anything? Christmas?

Where are the decorations?

What are you talking about?

- Did you not even get a tree?

- No, I didn't get a tree.

Why don't we call

the f*cking butler?

It's the holiday!

Why wouldn't you get a tree?

Don't start with me.

Please, don't start with me.

It's fine.

Why didn't you bring a tree?

- I'm supposed to lug a tree?

- Whose job is it?

- No!

- It's selfish! Yes, it is!

Don't say that to me!

How can you say that to me?

Because it's the f*cking truth!

It's not what he wanted!

It's not f*cking what he wanted!

You don't know that.

You don't know everything.

Yes, I do! Everybody

who f*cking knew him knew that!

You don't know everything.

Do you guys want wine

with dinner?

- Wine's good.

- Yes, thank you.

Idaho... Hasn't even f*cking

lived here for ten years!

Do you think

I was being too mean?

I think you're both grieving.

Hmm, hey, it's all right.

- We can still save Christmas.

- What's the point?

If you're going to hell,

keep going.

- "Through hell."

- Hmm?

"If you're going

through hell, keep going."

Because it gets better.

It's a Winston Churchill quote.

Oh.

Yeah, that makes way more sense.

I knew that too.

Nice, buddy.

Would you please get up?

It's afternoon.

Mom.

Socks. Thanks, buddy.

You're welcome.

Uh, who's next?

- Oh, the card's for you, Marcie.

- - Oh!

Oh, it's a koala.

I love koalas.

"Merry Christmas. Dennis."

Oh, God.

A gift card to the Olive Garden.

I freaking love

the Olive Garden.

How did you know?

I just had a feeling.

I am obsessed

with their Toscana soup.

Thank you.

- All right, babe, all right.

- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

- All right.

And, Dennis, this one's for you.

It's a book.

I thought you could, uh,

redesign the cover for me.

It's The Giving Tree.

It's my favorite book.

It's the only one

I've ever read twice.

It's an iconic cover.

Yeah, well, I believe in you.

I don't get it.

Um, why are you giving Dennis homework?

Oh. It's his, uh, dream

to be a book designer.

- Really? That's neat.

- Yeah.

I didn't know.

I thought you wanted

to be a lawyer.

No, I hate lawyers.

Then why were you studying

for the LSAT?

For fun.

Oh, why would that be fun

if you hate lawyers?

I don't know, Marcie.

Why do people walk on hot coals?

So they can say they did.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Do you know

when Dennis's twin died?

Dean?

Um, I think a year ago,

year and a half maybe.

Did he live in Portland?

Dennis said

he worked for the IRS.

Is the IRS in Portland?

- Oh, the IRS

is everywhere, baby.

- Oh.

- Why do you ask?

- No reason.

- Where is he?

- Oh, my God.

They went hiking. They said

they'd be back after sunset.

You like Pokmon?

Yeah. I like Pokmon.

Rocky and Roman

loved those cards.

All they could talk about.

I spent so much

f*cking money on them.

And then Rocky just left.

He couldn't be bothered

to take his sh*t with him.

I'm like a storage unit.

Do you want 'em?

Yeah, I-- If you don't

want them, I can take them.

Roman said you lost a twin.

I, uh...

did, yes.

So you know what it feels like.

To be split.

Hmm.

He doesn't talk to me.

They say there's nothing worse

than losing a child.

But maybe there is.

I'm glad he has someone

who understands.

I'm heading out.

Before you leave,

Marcie wants to see you

in the conference room.

- Why?

- I didn't ask.

Okay. Have fun at the concert.

Thanks.

Did I tell you

I was going to a concert?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing

to meet with me.

I need to talk to you, Dennis.

Okay, well, I have somewhere

I have to be.

You don't really have a twin,

do you?

Roman mentioned

that Dean passed away,

like, a year and a half ago,

and that didn't make sense

because I knew you, like,

a year and a half ago,

and I should've known that.

And you don't have

photos of him on Instagram,

and I thought,

"Well, that's strange,

but maybe he deleted them."

So, yesterday, I texted

my friend Sheri at the IRS,

and she said there was

no Dean Benver in their records.

And then last night,

I called Kevin Ross,

who I saw you went

to high school with.

I met him

in an oil painting class,

and he said

you didn't have a brother

and he's 100 percent sure

because you sat alone

at lunch every day

and his mom made him go

to your birthday party

and no one else showed up

and you have a twin bed,

but just one, and he also

made it sound like

you fooled around in it,

but I couldn't be sure

'cause I heard his wife

in the background--

Why are you spying on me?

Did you know

Roman's brother Rocky?

- No.

- I don't believe you.

Let it go.

Roman thinks you met

because you lost a twin.

A twin that doesn't even exist.

You can't keep this

from him, Dennis.

He has to know the truth.

I will tell him when I'm ready.

You need to tell him now

or I will.

You're not telling him, Marcie.

I mean, God,

you have everything.

Everybody likes you,

you have a million friends,

you have both your parents.

I bet none of your houseplants

ever f*cking die.

Let me have one good thing.

I'm happy. He's happy.

I help him.

When he needed

somebody to talk to at 3:00

in the morning, I'm the one

who picked up the phone.

Where the f*ck

were you then, huh?

You wouldn't even know Roman

if it wasn't for me.

What do you expect me to do?

I know I need to tell him.

I just...

I want a little bit more time.

Please.

She said she couldn't

see me this weekend.

Then she kept apologizing

and said

that I should talk to you.

I mean, are you sure

she didn't say anything?

Oh, you know what?

I totally forgot

we're doing this company-wide

fundraiser for MS research,

and Marcie took

a vow of silence.

- Really?

- Hmm.

Why wouldn't she

just tell me that?

We had to sign

nondisclosure agreements.

Oh.

Okay.

Oops. I guess I missed you.

I promise

to call you back ASAP.

I hope you're having

a wonderful day.

Hey, it's me.

Just, uh...

I know you can't talk

'cause you're saving lives.

Roman?

Roman.

Hey.

Someone cracked the bourbon.

Mm, ooh.

Well, I started without you

'cause I was bored.

I'm gonna hop in the shower.

No, don't.

You already left me alone

for so long.

Oh, wow, you are drunk.

Wow.

Uh, here.

I poured you one.

I didn't put anything in it.

I could've though.

You never know.

You don't know me.

Thanks.

God, these f*cking shoes

are k*lling me.

I think my feet got bigger.

Mmm. Well,

you know what that means.

- What?

- Nothing.

Do you want a foot massage?

- Uh, nah, I'm okay.

- Are you sure?

I'm super good.

I went to massage

training school

in college in the summer.

Okay. Yeah, mm.

Maybe it'll help.

Yeah, I bet it will.

Come on over.

The bed is fine.

- Just like this?

- Yeah.

Sorry, man. I bet my foot

smells like death.

Mmm. I don't mind.

Oh, wow.

Oh, sh*t, you are good at that.

Just drink your drink.

All right, hold your hippos.

What did you say?

"Hold your hippos."

It's like, uh...

it's like

"hold your horses," but...

It's just something

Rocky and I say.

Oh.

Did you and Dean

ever have anything like that?

Um...

"Jinx, you owe me a soda."

Right, but everyone says that.

Well, we started it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's the f*cking spot.

Ooh. Wow. That's really good.

Mmm.

Oh.

This is actually really helping.

Oh, wow.

Wow, wow,

wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

What are you doing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the f*ck was that?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that.

I don't know if they teach that,

like, in-in massage school,

but I'm just, uh,

I'm not into that. So...

I'm sorry. It's just...

You look so much like him.

Like who?

Oh, I don't want you to hate me.

I don't hate you.

It's not a big deal, you know?

Just don't do it again.

Yeah, if I tell you,

you're gonna hate me,

and then it's gonna be over.

What are you talking about?

Why... why would I hate you?

Because, um...

I don't have a twin,

and Dean isn't real.

Wha--

What do you mean?

What do you mean he isn't real?

I made him up. He doesn't exist.

What the f*ck

are you talking about?

Why are you

in the support group?

I just started following you.

I thought it was a sign,

and I kept trying to tell you,

but I--

I mean, how do you say...

Oh, I was in love

with your brother.

Except it wasn't really love

because I only knew him

for a day, but at the time,

that felt like enough, and...

And I was the crazy guy

in-in the intersection,

and, you know,

it wasn't technically my fault,

but if he never met me,

he'd probably still be alive,

and it was the worst day

of my life and...

I don't know why I kept lying.

I just... I wanted

to be close to you,

and I thought

I could make it better,

but I just kept

making things worse.

And-and Marcie

isn't on a silent retreat,

and I... I didn't go

to massage school, but...

You are my best friend.

And I don't want that to change.

I don't know what to do.

Do you hate me?

Roman? Please say something.

Roman. Do you hate me?

Don't f*cking touch me.

Roman, please. I... I'm sorry.

Don't f*cking touch me!

I just kept hitting him.

Couldn't stop.

Hi, Dennis. It's Marcie.

So you're not at work.

Sage asked me to call you.

Are you coming in today?

Look, Roman's pretty upset.

He wants you

to stop calling him,

and he doesn't want me

talking to you either,

but I'll be thinking of you.

Do you see what... I see?

I don't know what you see,

but what I see is me.

I see me too.

Does that mean

there's two of you

or... or two of me?

Oh.

Wow.

There really is two of us.

Don't you find this odd?

No, this is weird.

This is really, really weird.

Wait a sec.

You live at the Callaway house.

And you're that girl from camp.

They thought I was you!

So who'd like to start today?

Okay, if no one's gonna say it,

then I'll say it.

Roman sent us all an email

that said you made Dean up,

and I think

that you're a f*cking creep.

Is this true, Dennis?

True? Uh, I mean...

Technically... it's true,

but I-I've always felt

so connected to all of you,

and I've always wanted a twin.

Sometimes Dean felt real.

His favorite snack

is a hot pretzel

with sea salt and...

You know, maybe twin identity

is really just a construct,

like gender.

Oh, okay.

Or it's maybe not. Um...

I was reading about

vanishing twin syndrome.

Because I've always thought

there was something

or someone missing.

And it's possible that I had

a twin in my mother's womb,

but I ate him.

And I'd ask her,

but I can't because she's dead.

Really dead. She's real.

We believe you got a mom.

I don't.

She rolls the window down

And she talks

over the sound

Of the cars that pass us by

And I don't know why

But she's changed

my mind...

Excuse me.

Can you take a picture of us?

No. No, I can't. You have

no idea how lucky you are.

Well, sorry we asked.

...And as she carries on

without a doubt

I wonder

if she's figured out...

f*ck.

What are you looking for?

I can't find Rocky's sweater.

Uh...

The one with the--

with the stripes, the...

Did you move it?

Did you put it somewhere?

No, I didn't touch it.

I bet Dennis stole it,

that fake twin f*ck.

I'm sure it'll turn up.

Yeah, how the f*ck

do you know that?

I'm sorry.

You can't talk to me like that.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I forgive you.

I don't deserve it.

Deservedness is not

a requisite for forgiveness.

I'll help you look.

- Not right now.

- When?

- Thirty more minutes.

- You said that 30 minutes ago.

Well, think of it like

edging.

Oh, no.

What do you want to do

for dinner tonight?

Oh, I'm going to Shelly's,

remember?

Oh. Forgot.

Can I come?

It's girls' night.

- We talked about this.

- Okay. Fine.

- Don't mope.

- I'm not moping.

Sorry, there was a line.

I can't stay long.

- Thank you.

- Sure thing.

Sorry, I shouldn't

have ordered anything.

- Do you want my sandwich?

- No, I'm good.

- I got a promotion. Oh.

- How are you?

Congrats.

Thanks.

Sort of. It's a ladder move.

Lateral move?

- What?

- Lateral.

Means you're moving sideways.

I guess you could have

a sideways ladder,

but I can't think

of a use for it.

f*ck.

I said "ladder move"

to, like, so many people.

Well, monkey bars.

That's a sideways ladder.

Great.

So where you working these days?

Marcie said you quit.

Fired, but that's sweet of her.

I'm in the process of getting

my real estate license.

What, no book designing?

I decided I'd rather be

middle class and unhappy

than poor

and slightly less unhappy.

Yeah. Makes sense.

And that said, I did...

Wasn't sure if it was

in poor taste or not, but...

Think it's definitely

poor taste.

Yeah, I can see that now.

- I can take it...

- No, no, I'll...

I'll keep it.

Did I break your arm?

Uh, unrelated. Sort of.

Sorry.

For hitting you like I did.

It's all right.

No, it's not.

I shouldn't have done that.

I think I outclassed you

in that department.

Yeah, I just don't, um...

I don't understand

how someone could...

I mean, who are you?

You know how people say

"just be yourself"?

Like, what version of me?

I hate most of them.

But the version of me that was

just hanging out with you, I...

I wanted to be him all the time.

So, you--

you said you were

in love with Rock.

With the caveat

that I am insane.

He ever talk about me?

Do you want details?

Do you want my sandwich?

No, I'm going to dinner

with Marcie.

So I can't stay long.

Right. You said.

How is Marcie, by the way?

Every day is a good day

in Marcie-land.

I remember.

I'll just have a bite.

Hmm.

I started taking karate again.

There's a skinny guy

in my class, reminds me of you.

Aren't those classes useless?

I hear you can only really learn

how to fight in the streets.

Well, we learn

in the streets too.

My sensei, he, uh, follows me

after work and attacks me.

Do you think

we would've been friends

if we met under

different circumstances?

I don't know.

I'd like to think so, but...

Right.

God, this cast is so itchy.

- How long you have it on for?

- A month.

Keep it dry.

Rocky said you broke

your own foot once.

He told you that?

You dropped

a bowling ball on it?

He said you were...

the good twin.

It was with a brick.

How are y'all doing?

Can I get you anything?

Can we get a box to go?

Sure thing.

So I'm the lucky one

Better men

wouldn't carry on

What was the first line?

We had a good time

Know you twice

So I'm the lucky one

Much better people

proved me wrong

They set a high price

To know you twice

So I'm the lucky one

Nothing's new under the sun

Thought you could be

all you know

Strikes once

We had a good time

So I'm the lucky one

We had a good time