02x15 - The Black Vipers

[bunniefuu]

Xiaolin Showdown

Xiaolin Showdown

what do you reckon

we're learning?

Surely it is a lesson

in humility

For Raimundo.

Oh, ha ha. Unh!

Oh!

In order to be a team,

each must learn to trust

the others fully.

And the blindfolds?

Sometimes what you think you

see is merely a distraction.

Using only instinct,

pass this lit torch

and trust that your teammates

will not allow you to be burned.

Unh! Whoa! Hah!

Unh!

Teriyaki pork?

Unh!

Oh, dee-licious!

Yeow! Aah! Aah!

I-I'm sorry, Rai. I

couldn't help it.

I smelled my favorite meal and--

every meal is your

favorite meal, Clay.

Aah!

I can't believe your first

loyalty is to a pork chop!

Aah! Hey, kids!

We got a 3-alarm

Shen Gong Wu alert!

Ahh--ahh--mmm, pork chops.

Dojo, where exactly

is this new Wu?

I can't believe we're

back home in Texas!

Isn't she beautiful?

Kimiko: She is a big,

flat, desert prairie.

Yeah, but the cactus all

look like kin to me.

Dojo, better stash the Wu.

We've got company.

Kimiko: What is it, Clay?

Motorcycles?

Not just motorcycles.

Black vipers.

Greetings, my friends.

My name is--

aah!

Yipe! Watch it! I bruise easily.

Lava--whoa!

Aah!

Golden ti--huh?

I'll take that, half pint.

Yaah!

Ohh.

Clay, look out!

Aah! Unh!

Huh?

Raah!

Oh! Oh!

Nice move, cowboy, but

too little, too late.

Oh! Not the hat! Whoa! Oof!

We're the black vipers,

and you just been snaked.

Ok, I am so over the

whole blindfold thing.

All: Whoa! Oof!

Well, well, what have we here?

Leapin' lizards! Clay?!

Um, do I know you?

Oh, well, now I'm hurt.

Don't you recognize

your own sister?

All: Sister?!

Jesse?!

You never told us

you had a sister.

Would you want people knowin'

you were related to

a no-good varmint?

You think I'm a varmint?

Well, I think you'd sooner

tip a cow than milk it.

Ooh! You never understood

what it was like growing up

in the shadow of such a

perfect older sibling.

Oh, not this ol' saw again.

Oh, you were the

best at everything.

Choppin' wood

Shoein' horses

Chasin' pigs

Ma and pa always thought you

were the pick of the litter.

You chased pigs?

And whatever I wanted, you got!

Well, you know I only got things

first 'cause I was the oldest.

And then when it came to

going to monk school,

guess who they picked?

Who?

The big hero.

It was like I didn't even exist.

Now matter how much I tried,

I could never beat him.

So instead of trying to

be the best of the best,

you joined the vipers to

be the best of the worst.

I'm the best--period!

Hey, I say we settle this right

now like men. You and me!

Hey, I've done some

things I'm not proud of,

but I'm not getting into a fist

fight with my Baby sister.

You're just yellow 'cause you

know I'll whip your butt!

Ohh, tsk tsk tsk.

Brother and sister

should not be fighting.

Is there no warmth

in your heart?

Hey, butt out, round boy!

Unh! Aah! Ohh!

So, what do you want

to do with them?

I'll make you a deal.

If you scrap with me and win,

you and your monkey friends

are free to go look for

your Shen Gong warts.

Win?

And if he loses?

Well, then

Y'all gonna be buzzard bait!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

What do you say, big brother?

We gonna throw down or what?

You keep askin' me,

I'm gonna keep sayin'

the same thing.

I'm not fighting you.

Just ain't right.

Well, it looks like

our uninvited guests

have decided on an extended stay

in the hospitality suite.

Why, thank you!

That sounds most inviting.

Where do we go?

Omi, we're already in

the hospitality suite.

Oh, I see.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding

the meaning of hospitality.

Or the meaning of sarcasm!

Ooh, darn this sarcasm!

It always seems to grab my goat.

Oh, come on, Clay! Just

accept the challenge

and beat the tar

out of your sister

so we can get out of here.

Nope. I'm sorry, but

I can't hit a girl.

She doesn't even

look like a girl.

She looks like you

with lipstick.

Besides, I know another

way out of here.

We've got a secret skeleton key.

Or dragon key.

Dojo!

Where have you been?

Laying low since things

started getting ugly.

Oh! Unh!

Hey! Whoa!

Whew. She and her g*ng sure

know their way around a knot.

Yeah, it's good to be free.

One small problem--

we're not.

Not to worry. I still have

one Shen Gong Wu with me.

Changing Chopsticks!

Uh, a little help to

the keyhole, please.

Raimundo: You sure you

know what you're doing?

I do not have the

slightest idea,

but that has never

stopped me before.

Tornado strike--Water!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Changing Chopsticks!

Way to go, Omi! Your

first prison break!

A Xiaolin warrior is

prepared for anything.

Omi: I see we have

a clear coast.

Raimundo: Dojo, where's the

rest of our Shen Gong Wu?

Don't worry. They're safe.

Dojo?

Shen Gong Wu!

That's what I was asking!

Where'd you stash them?

No, not those Wu. The Wu

we came here to find!

The sphere of yun!

It creates an invisible,

impenetrable prison

around one's enemy.

It's also good when traveling

in bad neighborhoods.

Speaking of bad neighborhoods,

maybe we should keep moving.

The Wu's scent is strong.

Or something. Heh heh.

All I know is it's

right over here!

Ow!

Clay: You ok?

The Shen Gong Wu is ours!

Girl: Think again, short stack!

Gak!

Ha ha ha hoo hoo!

Well, I'll be a day-old biscuit.

You let us lead you right to it!

Maybe you ain't as slow as

drippin' tar after all.

But you're still thicker than

a cut of Texas prime rib.

Well, at least I ain't as slippery

as goat drool on an oil slick!

Yeah, I'm not the one

yellower than a slice

of auntie clarabelle's

lemon silk custard pie.

Will you two please stop

abusing the english language?

But the pie does sound

most delicious.

I got me a better idea.

See, I know enough about

these Shen Gong warts--

Raimundo: Wu!

That if we both grab

this here deal,

then you have to

fight me, brother.

So, Clay, you ready to be a man

and lose to a girl?

Huh?

Jack Spicer!

That's right! Jack Spicer,

evil boy genius,

is in the house!

Silk Spinner!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Jackbots, attack!

Whoa! That's it! I did it!

I can't believe it!

For once you are

actually the victor.

It's about time!

I almost forgot what

this feels like

Which, by the way, is sweet!

Say, who are all these people?

We're the black vipers,

the most elite all-girl g*ng

that ever roamed

these wild plains.

And since you have defeated us,

our law demands that

you inherit leadership

of the black vipers.

Yes! I guess this

makes me queen!

Huh? Huh?

King.

Anyway, sweet.

So let's see if I've

got this straight--

Xiaolin dragons, defeated.

Shen Gong Wu, mine.

Outlaw cowchicks, bonus!

Between my jackbots

and the black vipers,

there's no way I can lose.

Yes, it would seem that way,

but then again, if

there is a way

Yee-haw!

This calls for a

hoedown victory dance!

Yee-haw! Huh-huh-huh!

Yee-haw! Yee-hee-hee!

So aren't you a

pretty little thing.

You got a name?

Is a cow pen full of sod?

I like that. Though

disrespectful,

it smacks of a

deep-seated inner evil.

Keep it up, slick,

and I'll be introducing

your butt to my boot.

Yet another girl falls prey

to the irresistible

charms of Jack Spicer.

But he--

sarcasm.

Oh.

Oh, this Spicer fellow of yours,

he's about as appealing as a--

a pillowcase full of polecats?

Ha ha ha!

Heh heh, yeah.

And what's with his

girlie eyeliner?

Heh heh heh!

Oh, I know!

Hello! So not working.

Heh heh heh!

Hey, I'm still in

the room over here.

Oh, why don't you take

your fancy hairdo

Both: And jump into old

man hickory's lake!

I can't believe it.

We actually do have

something in common.

We both can't stomach Spicer.

What am I, invisible?

Come join us, Jesse,

and find out what real

evil power is like.

Ooh, this would be a

new low, even for you.

Grrr!

Ma'am, you have got

yourself a deal.

Put it there.

Excellent! Yeah!

This is most discouraging.

I say we send these losers

where they can't

cause any trouble.

Heh heh heh! Like a

few thousand feet

below the Earth's crust?

No.

Loyalty issues?

No. I just want the fun

of burying the

golden boy myself.

Golden Tiger Claws!

Aaah! Aaah!

Bye-bye, big bro!

Can you still hear me?

EhhCozy.

Oh, this is my fault.

If I had just fought Jesse

when I had the chance,

none of this would

have happened.

Hey, but then we'd

miss our chance

to suffocate in a hole together.

I will never again be so foolish

as to believe her.

Come on! This

here's a jailbreak.

I knew I could believe you!

You have come to the

side of goodness.

Well, let's say I had to

pretend to be with 'em

so they'd trust me.

Sorry, but a raccoon

don't change its stripes

just by crossing a dirt road.

Yeah. Why are you helping us?

I thought you hated

your brother.

Well, I do, but he's still kin.

Besides, that Jack Spicer creep

gives me the prairie scaries.

I hear that, girl.

I don't know. I got a

bad feeling about this.

Clay, she is telling the truth.

I am never wrong

about these things.

Well, fine.

Let's just get the

rest of our Wu

and get out of here.

If Wuya hasn't already

found the stash.

No chance. I hid 'em so good

I may not be able to find 'em.

That came out wrong.

Ow! Oww! Oww!

Very clever, using the

Changing Chopsticks

to shrink down our Wu and

hide them in the cactus.

Yeah, but--oww!

Gettin' 'em back is--

ouch! Painful.

Changing Chopsticks!

Ah, the simplest traps

always bring the

greatest pleasure.

Unh! Gah! Uhh!

Jesse, I trusted you. Why?

I made a little

deal with Jack here

to regain leadership

over my vipers.

Nice to have you back, boss.

All I had to do

was get you to lead

them to your warts.

This is the

most disappointing

event-turning since the last.

Is it possible you're going

for "turn of events?"

Oh, it gets better.

Not only am I taking

my g*ng back,

but I'm taking your warts, too.

They're my warts! You can't!

I tried to warn y'all,

once a varmint,

always a varmint.

Jackbots, attack!

You're kidding me!

We work on our bikes

all day, son.

You think we can't

sabotage some tin cans

when you're not lookin'?

Man, I am never

coming back to Texas!

That's right, slick.

Don't mess with Texas. Hoo hoo!

Uhh!

Oh, looks like if you

want your warts,

you and me are gonna

have a Xiaolin Showdown.

I accept.

Your Silk Spinner

against my Changing Chopsticks.

The game is demolition

viper bike derby.

First to make it out

in one piece wins.

Let's just get this over with.

Let's go Xiaolin Showdown!

Gong yi tan pai!

Jesse: The only thing

better than ridin'

Is flying!

Silk Spinner!

Whoaaaah!

Changing Chopsticks!

Whaaaah! Clay!

Jesse!

Aaaah!

Aaah aah aah aah!

I got you! Uhh!

Aaah--aah!

Hop on--unhh!

Don't mind if I do.

In your face, Clay!

Yee-haw!

Ha ha ha!

That was not a very

honorable way to win.

Yee-haw!

Are you hurt?

Just my pride and

maybe where I sit.

The worst part is

I'd really thought

she had changed.

I know.

But sometimes you are

just too trusting.

Ha ha ha hee hee hee!

Ahem

Clay: A--a package for me?

Who is it from?

Jesse: "Dear big brother,

"it took a while, but I

finally did beat you,

"only it didn't feel as

satisfying as I had imagined.

"Anyway, just so there's

no hard feelings,

"I'm returning all your warts.

"Oh, except for one I

was hopin' to borrow.

See you 'round! Your

Baby sis, Jesse."

Omi: See? I knew she

had changed her ways.

Kimiko: I wonder

which Wu she kept.

Clay: I have a pretty good idea.

Wings of Tinabi!

Yee-haw!