02x09 - Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil

[bunniefuu]

Man: Xiaolin Showdown.

All: Aah!

Xiaolin Showdown.

Today's exercise

requires one to choose

complimentary Shen Gong

Wu and work in unison

to fight a common foe.

I trust you are ready to

demonstrate great focus.

On the count of 3.

3!

UhRuby of ramses!

Uh--ow--

Sword of the Storm!

A Thorn of of thunderbolt!

Wu-shu helmet!

Uhhhhh-whoaaaaa!

Whhoa--uhh!

Whoa!

Aah! Uhh!

Oh!

Your choices were far

from complimentary.

The dummy remains intact.

Yes, yes, I remain intact.

What?

Apprentices, you are

too easily distracted.

Raimundo, fidgeting

with your 3pm player.

Kimiko, doing your hair.

Clay, playing with

your little cow.

And Omi, you with

your bumble bee.

You must not let

your mind wander.

But my mind was made to wonder.

How else can I ponder

the great mysteries

of the universe?

Like how can bees fly

when their wings are too

small to lift their bodies?

I said "wander," not "wonder."

Ah.

My rolling shield is complete.

Now to test it.

Jackbots!

Jackbots?

Megan, I told you not

to touch my stuff.

Shh! You're interrupting

our tea party.

Thank you, lady Megan.

Jack, we need to focus here.

Yuck! That ugly witch is back.

Do some tricks, ugly witch.

Like make yourself a

little less ugly.

One more word out of

your little cousin,

and I'll turn her unto a pig.

I hear you bark, little doggie,

now let's see you bite.

Aaaahhhh!

Yawn. Just as I thought,

you can't do nothing

Except look ugly!

Girls, girls. We

have work to do.

Evil isn't gonna get

done by itself.

Ah! Shen Gong Wu has

revealed itself

on an island off of java.

The Mind Reader Conch.

Time to roll.

Whatever you say, Jack.

Whoa!

Oh! Oh! I got that itch.

We must be near the

Shen Gong Wu

Or poison oak.

Lower. Lower. Lower.

Sorry, Dojo.

I haven't much to

earn you scratch.

After all, I am an apprentice.

Oh, yeah, baby!

Magic fingers!

Come on, crew, where's the wu?

The wu, as you call it,

is the Mind Reader Conch.

By holding it to your

ear and aiming it,

you can hear the

thoughts of others.

In Clay's case, I guess

you just hear the ocean.

Ha ha ha.

It'sThat-a way.

Take your time.

The lady dragons love

a guy with a tan.

Uhh!

Ow! Ow!

Relax, fellow apprentices.

My keen instincts will lead

us to the Mind Reader Conch.

Raimundo, thinking: Yeah, your

instincts are keen, all right.

Except when it

comes to haircuts.

You are all over the

line, my friend!

Nevertheless, little pal,

you might wanna put on a hat.

I think the sun's been

baking your potato too long.

Omi, thinking: That Raimundo

thinks he's all this.

It's all that, Omi.

What's all what?

It's not all what,

it's all that.

Of all people, you should

know that it's all that.

Dagnard! You folks sound like you were

kicked in the head by the family mule.

Kimiko, thinking: I wonder why

boys are born without brains.

If I was born without

a brain, little lady,

how come I'm the one who figured

out this is the Mind Reader Conch?

Jack, thinking: Ha! Kimiko

has the Mind Reader Conch.

It'll be easy to

take it from her.

No upper-body strength.

We have unwanted company.

And I'll show you real

upper-body strength.

Come on, Jack! You promised

you'd let me drive!

I lied. I'm an evil

boy genius, remember?

A promise is a promise.

Aah!

I need reinforcements.

Jackbots, attack!

Uhh!

Aah!

Uhh!

All: Dragon x-kumei formation!

Ruby of Ramses.

Thorn of thunderbolts!

All: Huh? Great teamworkNot.

Sword of the Storm!

Wu-shu helmet!

Uhh!

Uhh!

Perfect.

Every scale is evenly

greased with tanning oil.

Now all I gotta do

is avoid the sand.

Huh?

Not good.

Hmmph.

This has Xiaolin apprentices

written all over it.

All: Whoa!

Not bad for a

1,500-year-old dragon.

Do I hear a thank you for my

brave and Valiant rescue?

All, uninterested: Good job.

Way to go.

That's more like it.

Omi, thinking: Ugh!

Enough out of you.

Kimiko, thinking: Oh, shut up!

Raimundo, thinking:

Stupid dragon.

Clay, thinking: Put a

dadgarn sock in it.

Hey! I heard that!

All: Sorry, Dojo.

Used wisely, the conch can

prove a most valuable tool,

but until you learn to focus,

it is best that I lock it

away in the temple vault.

We are very sorry, Master Fung.

In the future, we

will do our best

to rise above our

petty differences.

I'm with the little feller.

Me, too.

I'm with Omi, too.

Ah, yes. Togetherness.

Check out my latest

super evil invention.

The molar 2000.

It'll let me drill

into the Earth.

Or into the Xiaolin

temple vault.

Uh, yeah, that, too.

Jackbots, to the temple!

Urgh!

Jackbots: Cinderella

Megan! Stop playing

with my toys--robots!

Forget about your robots!

She's got the juju flytrap.

Just get it back

before she breaks it!

Just try and take it back.

Aaahhh! Juju flytrap!

Aah! Ow! Ow!

Some evil genius!

Outsmarted by a little girl.

Ow! Hey, Megan! Ow!

I have a new toy--ow!--

I think you're gonna love!

Ow! Oh! Oh!

Finally, Jack,

you've come up with

something useful.

As long as I am here,

I will test my ability

to use the conch wisely.

Ah.

Mind Reader Conch.

Raimundo, thinking: I'll just tell

Omi that I went out to meditate.

He believes

everything he's told.

People tell me all the time

that I don't believe

everything I'm told

And I believe them!

Oh, that Raimundo!

Mind Reader Conch.

Omi, thinking: I am

still most uncertain

of Raimundo's trustworthiness.

Clay, thinking: I can't believe the

way Kimiko threw a hissy fit today.

She gets angrier than a cat

in a hot tub of Water.

Angry? Me?

I am not angry.

I'm the least angry

person I know!

This place is colder

than a hound dog's nose

after sniffin' in the fridge.

Mind Reader Conch.

Kimiko, thinking: If I hear one

more lame-o down-home saying

Aaahhhh!

Uhh!

Hyah!

Hyah!

My Dojo senses are tingling.

I'm feeling a strange rumbling.

Yeah, me, too.

Aah!

We must investigate.

I will lead the way.

Why? Because you don't think

anyone else can handle it?

No. It is only you who

I have doubts in.

Omi, that's about as lowdown

as a snake's bellybutton.

Snake's don't have bellybuttons!

Hey! Hey! There's someone

in the temple vault!

Jack Spicer!

That was my old name.

From now on, I go by Jack Spicer,

dark prince of the universe!

All: Aah!

We are most lucky

that Master Fung

does not believe in

corporal punishment.

Your infighting has

cost us dearly,

but if you open your minds,

it can also bring

you enlightenment.

By pointing out each

other's shortcomings,

you help each other

to improve and grow,

both individually and as a team.

So you're saying we should thank

each other for the insults.

Thank you for insulting

me, Raimundo.

I am most appreciative.

Oh, no. Thank you

for humiliating me.

Hey, I reckon I owe

you a big thank you

for making fun of

the way I talk.

It's a pleasure.

And thank you for pointing

out my many anger flaws.

Now go, young warriors,

and fight together

using what you've learned from

the conch against your enemies.

Hi. I'm Megan.

Oh. There's something you

don't see every day.

A little girl in a hamster ball.

Are you looking for Jack

Spicer and the ugly old hag?

My stupid cousin Jack

thinks he locked me

inside that thing,

but I found the door.

Jack's cousin, we are not

only looking for Jack.

We are also looking for--

all the cool stuff he's stolen?

I'll tell you where it is if

I can play with your dragon.

He's yours.

What?! Don't I have a

say in whether or--

all: No!

Do you know what I am thinking?

They might not, but I do.

You were thinking, "this is way

too easy," and you were right.

Guardbots, attack!

Dragon x-kumei formation!

Both: Hyah!

Mind Reader Conch!

Whoa! Uhh!

More tea and

biscuits, lady Dojo?

Sorry, Princess Megan,

but I fear my royal subjects

are in need of assistance.

Please. Allow me to assist

you with your assistance.

Guardbots, finish them!

Hey! Never tell my

guardbots what to do!

Guardbots, finish them!

Aah!

Dojo: Hey--hey, slow

it down, would you?

I'm gonna hurl here.

Aah!

You may have defeated

my guardbots--

as usual.

But I still have the conch.

Mind Reader Conch.

Omi: I wonder

if he's losing it.

Kimiko: Just

need to get closer.

Clay: Darn near there.

Nice try, but no way.

Jack Spicer, I challenge

you to a Xiaolin Showdown.

My silk spinner against

your Mind Reader Conch

for this bag of Shen Gong Wu.

Fine, and the game is

First to cry "uncle" loses.

Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

Both: Gong Yi Tampai!

Huh?

Mind Reader Conch!

Omi, thinking: I'll use

this silk spinner,

then go up, flip backwards,

then sidestep, then chop.

Silk spinner! Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Silk spinner!

I know your every thought.

And I do not need a breath mint.

I have an idea.

If our petty insults

can distract warriors

as disciplined as ourselves--

then just imagine what they'll

do to a mama's boy like Jack.

Hey! Who you calling

a mama's boy?

Kimiko: Huh. Maybe if he

worked out once in a while,

he wouldn't look like

a scrawny old lady.

Jack: I do not look like

a scrawny old lady!

Uhh!

Uhhhhh!

Mind Reader Conch!

Clay, thinking: That Jack is slower

than a 3-legged cow in quicksand.

Huh? What?!

I'm faster than

any 3-legged cow.

Taste my boot!

Uhh!

Aah!

Omi, thinking: For someone who

calls himself an evil genius,

Jack Spicer does not play with a deck of

cards that have been properly counted.

That's playing with a full deck.

Aah! Aah!

Wuya, thinking: His stupidity

is about to cost you

another victory.

It is not! Whose

side are you on?!

Aah!

Aah!

Uncle! Uncle!

Kmiko: Way to go! Clay:

Sweet butt kickin'!

No, it was you and your

thoughts that did it.

I humbly thank all of you.

You loser!

Are you saying that

or thinking that?

Aah!

Jack: Changing Chopsticks.

Out of my way, rodent.

Thank you, Jack's cousin Megan.

And?

And thank you, lady Dojo.

Omi: Thank you again, Megan.

Bye-bye!

Come back and play sometime.

Jack, I demand that you come out

and play with me this instant!

It's time to play Megan says,

and Megan says, "scream

like a sissy boy."

I don't think I know that game.

Jack! Aah!

Aah!

Hyah!

Uhh! Hyah!

Orb of tornami

Water!

Hyah!

Sword of the Storm

Wind!

Star HanabiFire!

Fist of TebigongEarth!

Whoa--whoa--whoa!

Kimiko, that is most definitely

not part of practising

your element.

Sword of the Storm!

When Master Fung finds out,

we are so going to fry for this.

Old proverb, what Master

Fung does not know

will not hurt him.

And what does Master

Fung not know?