00x03 - French is an Eiffel Language

[bunniefuu]

last time on the redonkulous race

after shopping for spices and cameling

through the moroccan desert our teams

built up a hearty appetite

and i lost mine these people are

disgusting

the winners were best friends carrie and

devin in my book

everyone else was a loser but we could

only eliminate one team

and last week it was the larpers i'm not

sad

those wannabe wizards freaked me out but

that was then

and this is the redonkulous race

[Music]

yesterday's chill zone is today's

starting line teams depart in the order

they arrived

starting with yesterday's winners the

intriguingly platonic best friends

oh wow looks like we're going to paris

no way paris france

home of the mona lisa tiny coffees and

other things that annoy me like you

wouldn't believe

once in paris teams must make their way

here to the eiffel tower

and find their next tip

i'm so excited paris is the most

romantic place on earth

totally and after we win the million i'm

going back to paris with shelley

yeah shelly i miss you so much baby

there's nothing i feel about this

parisian landmark

eiffel tower paris let's roll

almost there can you lose in your grip

homie

[Music]

we never know when the cameras will be

on us so we have to smile

all the time all the time even in our

sleep

it's very painful

what's with those ice dancers do they

ever stop smiling do they sleep that way

do they cry smiling i'm gonna find out

she gets a little fixated

[Music]

wait

if we knew the fashion capital of the

universe was our next stop we might not

have spent so much on a hand woven

moroccan carpet

[Music]

two for betty do you offer free upgrades

for olympians

ah yes free upgrade for all

gold medal peoples economy is fine

i love mopeds i tried to jump one over

my pool last summer but ended up

smashing through my neighbor's gazebo

dude we shouldn't laugh you totally

ruined that wedding

free cake

get your hands on my face get your face

off my hands

the carpet's slowing us down ditch it

but tom

we're going to paris

[Music]

we walked our camel through the desert

yesterday instead of riding him

so that he could stay hydrated and today

we're pedaling our moped so we don't use

its fuel

i wish there was a way we could give

this moped to our camel right

oh no what happened to you strangest

thing hit by a

carpet it could have k*lled us

nine teams wait anxiously at the airport

to board flight number two

which doesn't take off for another hour

and a half so we covered it with sad

face stickers which is hilarious

but the first eight teams are already

paris bound on flight number one

[Music]

flight number one is landed and the race

for first place is on eiffel tower

please

eiffel tower

[Music]

huh it's a botcher watch in this botcher

watch

whoever didn't eat the stew in morocco

must draw a caricature of their partner

when this local french artiste approves

of the drawing

they'll receive their next tip

[Music]

this just in flight number two has

landed

as teams from flight number two head for

the eiffel tower teams from flight

number one strain to finish the first

challenge

dumpsters dude you drew me awesome

oh see i think the way they support each

other is

beautiful we should hug no please

what about a high face forward go down

down down

find the cheese so round where your next

tip is found

huh

follow that rat

welcome to the catacombs where ancient

parisians buried victims of the plague

teams must use their noses to navigate

this maze of tunnels and find the

correct exit

and their next travel tip hidden amongst

these wheels of rock fort cheese

a flat tire in luxury boutique kevin

during a midnight madness event come on

the universe wants us to go shopping

it's fate or

the ultimate test of our wills we are

already behind we can't just stop drop

and shop

if we come in last we're going home and

hello the longer we stay on the race the

more we can promote our blog

now trending of course

it is going to take a few minutes to

change that tire

[Applause]

what do you mean no she got an a in art

last semester

oh i see it's too realistic

so are you dating anyone new at

university yeah

his name's international and comparative

anti-trust law curriculum

i'm thinking of getting a pixie cut

emma's always been the serious one but

ever since her boyfriend jake broke up

with her two years ago

she's been super fine i've been super

fine

and i don't need a boyfriend i need a

law degree and i need my kid sister to

focus on the game

and a boyfriend ah

come on mickey show that pencil who's

boss it's two of us in just one of it

it was a tuesday morning mickey's pencil

case broke pencils were everywhere

he slipped on one and fell down the

stairs landing on pencils the whole

way down he's been afraid of them ever

since

are we there yet you old men never told

me where to go

we're all there but that doesn't mean

we're all yeah we got the same energy as

all the other teams

from about 5am to 4pm yeah after that we

got a little

groggy groggy i haven't seen the moon

since 2003.

really because i got a moon for you

right here

hey hey do the eiffel tower on delay

handling

if you got the plague i would throw

myself on your boil covered body

and wait until i got infected too so we

could die at the exact same time

in the same way that is

the sweetest thing anyone has ever said

to me

it needs at least four exaggerations to

be a caricature i have

way more than that do you want to look

alive in this

thank gosh i'm the one drawing i'm

like a really good artist for sure the

best in my class

and probably on the whole planet i'm not

bad i actually went to art school for

two

years before i quit to have taylor omg

mom it doesn't always have to be about

you

getting that flat tire was the best

thing that's ever happened to us

i've never shopped so fast in another

language in my life

so worth it though i mean finding rock

studded leather leggings in north

america

good luck truth

[Music]

uh i hope i don't get the plague again

[Music]

come on come on it's nice to be back on

tv

all the sponsorship deals dried up a few

years ago try

30. the last time he did a commercial

the internet didn't exist

and neither did the hair on your ears

[Music]

okay what are you doing i've trained my

nose so i can work border crossings

people think they can bring oranges into

any country they want

not on my watch sister

this one i'm going in

as the parisian catacombs extend a warm

welcome to some of the teams

others are still drawing the first

challenge to a conclusion

drawing see what i did there

[Music]

mind if i keep this to give to my

surgeon here cheesy cheese

if we had any kind of a lead we've lost

it by now

no i've seen that skull before oh man

we're going in circles

ah so is my tumtum

uh uh oh you see any restroom signs

owen hasn't you know gone since he ate

that crazy stew in morocco

so we knew this moment would come we

just didn't know when

man that's the third dead end we've hit

jail bro

if we find all the dead ends the only

path left will be the right one

we're both glass half full guys okay but

since there's two of us

i just pour my glass into his and boom

we got a full glass take that science

bam

[Music]

i've got a plan we follow the veggie

heads till they find the cheese

then rock it past them and win the whole

thing veggies

you scare us it's a little scary down

here

really i've never been so happy

this place could be an amusement park or

a camp for kids

rook fort cave aged about

three years do you hear running water

yeah that's what i'm talking about

you're coming with me

[Music]

if it isn't the smiling silvertons

i hate silver

take your cheese and sail away to where

mona lisa's on display

the louvre the louvre home to many

paintings i was asked to stop

touching it's also the chill zone for

this part of the race

last team to reach the carpet of

completion may be out of the running

but the race for first place is kicking

into high gear you stink worse than this

cheese float

too bad you forgot your oars darn it

jack you were supposed to get the rs

what's french for booyah if this is what

french cheese smells like

i'm officially lactose intolerant

[Laughter]

i'm officially you intolerant

it's coming from there

man that moroccan stew can really

rip through a guy

and that was only a 6.2 on the owen

stink scale

there's a scale sure sushi farts are a

one onion soup is a five spicy burrito

farts go all the way to 12.

those things can peel the varnish off a

locker

it's true ew it is like so

creepy in here i feel like i'm being

watched hey tom i have a bone to pick

with you

[Music]

tom

[Music]

[Music]

lady

no way

missing paddles that won't stop us

we've competed in far more dire

situations jacqueline's got rabies from

a squirrel but that didn't stop

us well i skated dressed as a saint

bernard so that all the foam coming from

my mouth made

sense adapting it's what champions do

you should get creepier by the minute

most of the teams have reached the water

but for those still in the catacombs the

big challenge is to not come in last

we've made a terrible mistake i thought

vegans would be able to sniff out dairy

in a second

go home now and we'll be lucky to land a

deal for tube socks and i hate tube

socks

you never know where to put your heel

well there goes the tube sock

sponsorship

the tip and plenty of cheese wheels

we're still in this

okay i'll grab the oars you take the

wheels and no

what jesus good for you

[Music]

push it sanders

well well lady cadets you're in first

place and the ice dancers have to settle

for silver

what you don't hear victory music

probably because you didn't win

dude knock it off you're eating a raft

sorry

i'll stop last one okay

last one for reals time to put this

cheese into overdrive

oops babe pass me a ore i'll double time

it

i'm sorry i let you down babe it's all

right sugar bumps just don't let it

happen

ever again

don't let those get wet don't worry i'll

keep things balanced

but i'm thinking you're gonna have to

swim

i'll do it for the clothing oh

this is like a huge sacrifice she only

lets her beautician

wash her hair

third place hold on fourth

fifth sixth

[Music]

the thing is your age is all in your

mind and in your joints

and it has a little bit to do with the

year you were born

and here comes some more teams seventh

place

eight the genius is in ninth followed by

the sister's intent and if it isn't noah

and his ark

twenty minute penalty what why because

the challenge was to sail the cheese

down the river

but it's inside me i am cheese

that you are kooky now step aside and

hope you aren't the last to place

with one team waiting for their penalty

to end the last four teams are battling

towards the carpet of completion

the thought of coming in last made us

realize that we needed to step

up our game yeah we were super charged

up

how is that possible we're athletes they

eat birds eaten fast

pass the bird seeds do you want some

dust on that

11th place 12th 13th

looks like someone's got the cheese

sweats

14th place and the rockers take 15. oh

no here come the tennis rivals i'm gonna

feel so bad if my love of cheese causes

us to be eliminated

and what's worse i can really go for

some cheese right now

i have no self-control i'm like a dog

bad partner bad

[Music]

it was looking pretty grim i needed a

nap how you sleep eight hours a day

and at least ten a night

reality tv pros your penalty is up

it's a tie we all stay not quite

i'm afraid you're going home what why

your foot wasn't completely on the

carpet it was just out

what do you need glasses full that foot

was in the line

i do not need glasses and your foot was

out it was it

it was out and out

that's match you're out well

that was a disaster at least we didn't

go home first yeah

now we got a shot at having some new

sponsors anyone out there needs a pitch

man

for arthritis cream or those bathtubs

with the doors so you don't have to step

over

call my agent who's your agent i can't

remember

[Music]