04x14 - Cyborg Sam I Am

[bunniefuu]

You make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

Oh, my creation, it's my creation.

And

why don't people understand?

It's alive.

Alive!

Come

on, we'll be late for PE.

Great.

First period squat thrust.

The nightmare never ends.

Make a hole!

Coming through, girls!

What are you doing?

Just tossing out some old crap,
making room for my new Solo Flex machine.

tasty.

Chet, yesterday you were siphoning gas out
of the Patterson's car.

How can you afford a Solo Flex machine?

I sold your laser disc player.

Sorry.

Dammit!

I'm sick of him just taking my stuff like
he owns it.

Yeah, you bust your butt
for that ridiculously huge

allowance from your
guilt-stricken absentee parents.

Could be worse.

Look what Chet did to this guy.

Major Mayhem?

These are all my old toys!

Mr. Cuddly!

Kick and k*ll robots?

Bountiful Bridget?

That was my cousin's.

I never played with it.

Uh-huh.

I haven't seen these in years.

Thanks to Chet.

He's been stealing my stuff since I was
two.

Cyborg Sam.

Cyborg Sam and I conquered the universe
together.

Whenever I was in trouble, Sam was there
with his trusty Proton Annihilator.

Wyatt, remember school?

Gym?

Planet Earth?

Stop, future mutant!

Return my lunch money or face the wrath of
Cyborg Sam!

Get him.

He's unarmed.

Thanks again, Chet!

Another childhood memory flushed down the
toilet, huh?

It's not fair.

I finally get my old toys back.

Too old to play with them.

Yeah.

I feel just sick about it.

Can we go now?

Hold on.

I think I can work with this.

Wait!

You're not gonna turn me into a little kid
or anything, are you?

Of course not.

There you go.

A toy you'll never outgrow.

Hey, this is pretty cool, Ace.

He's got his Proton Blaster, his Ion
Boots.

What's this?

Oh, that's how you access his human
organs.

Cyborg Sam comes complete with a human
heart, lifelike spleen?

Turbo digestive action?

And a k*ller ray g*n!

We're getting fried!

Snap him, leave!

I can't!

He's laying down a suppressing fire!

I don't suppose when you
gave him all his accessories,

you're stuck to think the
death ray might be a bad call.

Don't blame me.

He's powered by Wyatt's childhood anxiety.

I had issues, okay?

Wyatt, do something!

You're Wyatt?

Is it?

Uh...

Yes.

Hmm.

I thought you'd be bigger.

Well, I still recognize that voice.

It's deeper now, but it still resonates
with prepubescent whininess.

Cyborg Sam reporting for duty,
your mighty and omnipotent leader!

Shall I disintegrate them?

You?

You wanted Cyborg Sam back the way you
remembered it.

As a toy.

Not as some trigger-happy warrior from the
future.

Stand back, quiet!

Uh, Sam?

That was the phone.

I beg to differ, sir.

It appeared to be an antimatter plasma
mine.

Probably planted by the worm-faced mutoids
from the forbidden sector.

Whew!

That was a close one.

He's a product of your imagination.

He sees the world the way you did.

When I was eight!

How am I gonna explain this to my parents?

Don't worry.

I'm sure the wish will wear off before
they get back from Bora Bora.

I thought they were in Pago Pago.

Wherever.

Uh, do you have to follow me everywhere?

It's my mission.

Mission?

I am sworn to uphold the super-secret
Dudley code of justice.

Uh, let's just forget about that.

When danger strikes and doom prevails.

When nylon man's best efforts fail.

When you are teased for playing chess.

Do not puke or be distressed.

For when my cyborg flag unfurls,
you'll be safe from icky girls.

They seem like a threat at the time.

Yo!

Put a sock in it, huh?

Can't hear a friggin' thing.

Now, there's something you don't see every
day.

Oh, my gosh!

Mr. Cuddly!

Looks kinda ratty.

Hey, you try sleeping in the same bed with
the kid for ten years.

See how you look.

Geez, the nightmares, the bedwetting.

I had issues, alright?

What's going on?

I guess the wish must have affected all
your toys, not just cyborg sand.

Good thing you didn't have Battleship.

Ah, what say one of you meatbags grabbed
me a brew?

You certainly are.

I hate homework.

Oh, that is so sexist.

Can we focus here?

What am I supposed to do with a house full
of giant toys?

Don't you realize you're
selling a degrading

stereotype to
impressionable young girls?

Aren't you ashamed?

Boys are cute.

Easy, Lise.

Just cause Bridget knows
a cute guy when she sees

one doesn't mean she's
some empty-headed bimbo.

Ready for a dip in my bubbly fun spa?

Yes, I am.

So, you still seeing Acapulco,
Pete?

Okay, cyborg Sam.

I have a very important mission for you
today.

Are we going to sneak
up on that nefarious vixen

Suzy Watkins and punch
her in the arm and run away?

Uh, no.

Suzy moved when I was ten.

That was after her parents caught them
playing doctor.

Wyatt Donnelly, MD, strikes again.

I have to go to school now.

I need you to stay here and keep an eye on
the toys.

You want to go to school alone?

But what about those big butted bullies
from Lardassia?

You'll be defenseless.

Don't go out on that playground.

It's suicide.

I'll be fine.

But, but it's critical that you wash these
toys.

Don't let them out of the house.

I'm counting on you.

All right.

But at least...

take this with you.

What is it?

Cooty deflector screen.

You're looking pretty smooth on those
climbing ropes today there, Nitro.

Ow!

I'd like to see you try to climb after
Duke Decker.

The guy sweats by the bucket.

He coming!

Oh, boy.

I knew I shouldn't have let you come to
school alone.

What the hell's going on here,
Donnelly?

Stay back way!

No!

Take that, creeper side.

That's gonna cost you ten laps,
Donnelly.

Let's go!

Ow!

You can relax.

You're safe now.

Ow!

You have to use my skull as a battering
ram?

What are you doing here?

My Wyatt sensor indicated you were in
trouble.

Wyatt sensor?

It alerts me whenever you're in danger.

These little red lights indicate hits from
cosmic death orbs.

Looks like it raised some nasty welts,
too.

Those weren't death orbs.

They were gym ba*ls.

You weren't in danger?

No.

I ordered you to watch the toys.

You let me down, Cyborg Sam.

I was made for action, not to be a
babysitter.

My mission is to protect you, Wyatt.

Remember all the jams I've gotten you out
of?

No, you never got me out of any jams.

Yes, if someone hurt or picked on me, I
wished Cyborg Sam would swing in and save me.

That was a little kid's fantasy.

It wasn't real.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

I can't make my problems go away with a
toy ray g*n.

I got real friends now who were there for
me.

I don't need you rescuing me anymore.

How can you say that?

We're a team, Wyatt.

We were destined to conquer the Forbidden
Sector together.

Hi, Carrie.

Hi, Wyatt.

Who's your friend?

Cooties!

Oh, damn it!

That's just the kind of thing I'm talking
about!

You gotta get out of my life!

Is that really what you want?

Yes.

Marsh, shut up.

Boy, you really let old Cyborg Sam have
it.

I never knew you could be so ruthless.

What else was I supposed to do?

He got us two months detention.

He nearly gave our entire gym class brain
damage and he pretty much guaranteed that

I won't be going to the prom with Carrie
Travis.

Give her a chance.

She might not remember anything when she
wakes up.

Oh, my gosh.

All told, I'd say you've been better off
staying home today.

Hey, Bridget!

Where's those friggin' brownies?

They're faking!

Lisa, what the hell is going on here?

Weren't you watching these guys?

I refuse to be around this crude,
disgusting jerk.

Loosen up, babe.

I'm a toy, you know.

You can play with me if you want.

He certainly is hornier than the average
bear.

I thought teddy bears were supposed to be
sweet and adorable.

What happened to you?

I used to be one of those pukey cutie
bears till the check stole me from Wyatt.

You'd be a little cranky too if someone
shoved an antenna up your butt and you

rode around on top of a jeep for three
years.

What happened to Cyborg Sam?

Wyatt sent him packing.

Broke the big guy's heart.

Or was it his lifelike spleen?

Harsh.

Lisa, could you just get rid of these toys,
zap them into the garage or something?

Don't play so hard to get, baby.

Come on, squeeze me.

My pleasure.

Oh, this is beautiful.

Oh, I never thought I'd see the day.

What are you talking about, Chet?

Mom's perfect son and
his puss bag sidekick trash

in the house and a
drunken orgy of destruction.

Oh, I get shivers.

It's very funny.

You know, you could be a good guy and help
us clean up.

No way, party boy.

You're not touching a thing.

Mom's gonna find this place just the way
it is.

Cut it out, Chet.

Chet, cut it out.

Hey, hey, hey, Chet, let go.

That chance.

If I play my cards right, I'll come out of
this with your college fund.

Get him, Wyatt.

Don't let this bully push you around.

Excuse me?

Huh?

Sam!

Don't mind me.

I just came by to pick up my cootie
deflector and I'll be on my way.

No, I need your help.

Quick, use your positronic flux inhibitor.

Oh, now you need my help.

When I show up at school in front of your
friends, you're all embarrassed.

Oh, I'm all grown up now, Cyborg Sam.

I like girls now.

I don't need to be rescued anymore.

But the first sign of trouble and you come
running back.

Well, it doesn't work that way.

You can fight your own battles from now
on, Wyatt.

Who the hell is this guy?

Forget about it, Chet.

Chet?

Some friends you got, sis.

What's with the outfits, Sparky?

Looking for the Star Trek convention?

I think you took a wrong turn at your
an*s.

Sorry, Wyatt.

But it looks like Cyborg Sam's about to
get a bad case of burning asteroids.

Fire in the hole!

Chet.

Evil overlord and maximum booger-eater of
the Empire of Flammoria.

It's been a long time since I heard that
name.

Ten years since the day you shoved that
firecracker into my rear storage compartment.

Hope you had your heat shield on.

It's time to settle the score.

No.

Please.

Don't zap me with your ray g*n,
Mr. Robot Guy.

Wait!

You said you weren't gonna fight my
battles for me anymore.

I'm not.

This time, it's personal.

You've given your last wedgie,
mister.

Let's go, robo-crap.

Wait!

What's the point of blasting each other
with toy g*ns?

Why not settle this man to man?

Agreed.

Any time.

Any place.

What the hell is this?

I thought we were gonna duke it out.

Remember.

Stick.

Jab.

Stick.

Jab.

You can take this guy.

Come on, Buck Rogers.

Let's mix it up.

Are you sure you wanna go through with
this?

Don't worry, Wyatt.

The forces of goodness shall prevail.

Okay.

I want a good, clean fight.

No hittin' below the belt.

No pink bellies.

No... Whoa!

Sorry, sis.

Just figuring out the controls.

And it's jet one.

Forces of goodness, Zippo.

Knock his block off.

Come on, Sam!

Say anything?

Not yet.

Hey, babe.

Fight's stuck.

I got us some hot buttered.

And speaking of hot
and buttered... Forget it!

I got a bad feeling about this.

Don't worry.

They're fighting with toy robots.

How much damage can they do?

Check it out.

When his robot got hit, Jet felt it too.

You're going down, Skankweed.

Eat my plutonium dust.

Look!

Ewoks!

Really?

Where?

Hey, hey, hey.

Time out.

Time out.

Your shoe's untied.

Oh.

Thank you very much.

You don't have shoelaces!

Sucker!

What's he doing?

Falling for every cheap trick in the book.

He only knows what an eight-year-old Wyatt
taught him.

He never learned how to cheat.

This fight sucks.

Put me in the ring with the genie chick
here.

Now that'd be a fight.

Rah!

Rah!

Are you okay?

That... wasn't fair.

What were you expecting?

This is the guy who put a firecracker down
your pants.

If you want to win, you're gonna have to
fight just as dirty as he does.

I can't do that.

I'm bound by the Wyatt Donnelly Code of
Justice.

I must defend the ideals of honor,
decency, and fair play.

There's only one thing I can do.

What... what are you doing?

I'm kicking you out of the Donnelly Mutant
Hunter Brigade.

You don't have to follow the code anymore.

No, the code is good.

I don't need to cheat to win.

Though it's... good to know I can if I
have to.

Pull that tin out of your crack and let's
rumble!

I believe in you, Sam.

Now get in there and kick his butt.

All right!

Kick a hooners, big guy!

Sam... I'm sorry about
those things I said.

About, you know, not wanting you around.

I wasn't being fair.

No apologies necessary, Wyatt.

No.

No, I mean it.

You were always there for me when I needed
a friend.

Thanks.

You were always there for yourself.

You just didn't know it yet.

No, uh, here.

You've earned this.

Mission accomplished, Sam.

Well done.

Excuse me?

A little help here?

You know, at least, as
weird as that wish was, I'm

happy that I had one last
adventure with Cyborg Sam.

I'm just happy this is my last adventure
with Mr. Cuddly.

Heads up, Cuddly.

Not to tranquilize a dart.

Get the hell away from me, you vultures!

Don't point that thing at me!

I'm a toy, dammit!

A cuddly freakin' teddy bear!

Ah, crap.

Mmm... Oh!

Ooh...

Weird science!

Elastic tubes and pots
and pans Fits and pieces

and magic from my hands
I'll make it weird science!

All the things I've never
seen before Behind all

the doors, diamond and
imagination Weird science!

Not what teachers said to do Making dreams
come true Living till you won't bless My

creation Isn't real It's my creation Let
you know

People understand my independence