04x10 - Chett World

[bunniefuu]

You're... make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

Ooh, my creation.

It's my creation.

I do not know.

It's my

heart and from my head.

Why don't people understand?

He's alive!

Alive!

Help!

We're in danger!

They're taking over!

Stop!

Please!

Stop!

We've got the band together!

They're all around us!

They're out there taking over!

Please!

Stop your vehicle!

Please!

Stop!

Stop!

Thank God!

It's you!

You've got to believe me!

I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but it's all true.

Let me start at the beginning,
okay?

It all started the day I got kicked out of
the house.

Yes!

For a second!

A new record!

Big whoop!

She wasn't even moving!

He's taking over the house!

Mom and Dad are gonna freak!

Do you want me to smite him?

Uh... let me be first team on this.

Suit yourself!

Would've been cool!

Chet!

We gotta talk about this mess!

Knock!

Yes!

Scampi's been tagged!

Look!

I'm not cleaning this place up!

You're taking the heat from Dad yourself!

Oh!

I'm scared!

What... what's Dad gonna do?

Give me a time out?

Curb my allowance?

Make me wear that bad boy hat?

Dad's an even bigger wuss than you are.

Let's test that theory, shall we?

Daddy?

Look what I made you!

Chet, we've come to a crossroads here.

You're 25 years old.

No job.

No prospects.

Your mother and I have spoiled you.

Blah, blah, blah.

I had heard this speech a thousand times
before.

And so... we're throwing you out of the
house.

That part was new though.

You!

I blame you for this!

Me?

What'd I do?

Oh, you're always so damn good all the
time.

Good, clean, honest, perky.

How can I compete with perky?

Can't... please...

Ah!

What's the point?

k*lling you isn't gonna keep me from
having to get a...

a job.

Dad said I can't come back until I'm
employed.

What kind of crap is that?

Jobs are for civilians.

I was trained by the Corps to slaughter on
command.

I'm a seasoned warrior, dammit.

Wyatt.

Help me.

I'm scared.

I'm scared.

Think hard.

Is there anything we can put on our work
experience?

I like paintball.

Not a huge market out there for paintball.

Anything else?

Beef jerky.

I like cigars.

Most weapons.

Tattoos.

Beer.

Not like beer.

Not like beer.

And, uh...

I like monster trucks.

Chet.

Nobody's gonna pay you to sit around on
your butt watching Truckenstein.

Can you do anything useful?

Out of my way, Buttichelli.

Do my own damn resume.

Okay, how come these letters aren't in
order?

Whoa.

I was on my own.

Do it.

That's how I liked it.

I was ready to take on the world.

Who knew what doors would open up for me?

Being on my own sucked.

I had hit rock bottom, broken through, and
found a sub-basement of misery and despair.

I see what you mean.

He's pathetic.

Yeah.

We've always known he's a loser.

It's kind of sad to see him figure it out.

Ow!

Did you have to get creative with the
hiding places?

Couldn't we have just crouched behind a
bush or something?

Where's the fun in that?

Besides, Chet's the issue here,
remember?

Now, the only way we're gonna get Chet a
job is to create one.

One that matches his unique skills.

How long has that been there?

Catchy name, though.

See?

Now there's a place in the world
tailor-made for Chet.

It was mother's milk to me.

Finally, a place where I belonged.

I took it as a sign.

There was a god, and he liked dried meat.

Yo!

We're not a friggin' library.

Just admiring your stock, Mac.

Movie truck.

Mad mudmuncher.

Truckin' Stein.

Oh, man.

You got them all.

That's right, Bob.

Hey, you hear Dino Don Nickelmeyer's
driving truckules now?

Pfft.

That loser belongs doing tractor pulls,
if you ask me.

Say, uh... You smell
like our kind of guy.

What about the cheese?

Ask him if he's got any cheese.

Shut up about the cheese.

Ahem.

So... You want a job?

Do I?

Rhett and Mickey had appeared like magic
to save my life.

Suddenly, I had the perfect job and the
perfect bosses.

It felt great.

Little did I suspect that behind the
butt-kicking facade of my new life,

there lurked an evil secret.

At first, business was slow, and we became
warriors, fighting the Battle of Ennui!

You win, you animal!

All right, I won!

Best out of seven, Rhett!

We have a winner!

Are my eyes dry?

Did I say business was slow?

It was non-existent.

One day, Fortune decided to smile on our
little shop of machismo.

Our first customer.

Can I help you, ma'am?

Uh, Monster Truck Monthly paintball
refills?

We're running a half-off special on
Peckin' Paw Red.

I'm sorry.

I was looking for the yarn barn.

Can I interest you in some delicious old
beef jerky?

No, thank you.

It doesn't agree with me.

First taste is free.

Well, if it's free...

You know, it gives me a hankering for a
real fresh Havana!

Gracious, is that the Annihilator 627?

Good taste.

Nice trigger action!

Tasty!

Wrap it up, boys!

Well, Mickey, go.

You see how I push the jerky?

The jerky is the key.

The key to everything.

Now, listen to me.

I want you to go out there and hand out
freebies to everyone you see.

And don't forget, the first taste is free.

Get it?

Got it!

Good.

Go!

Free jerky work like a charm!

Pretty soon we had all the business we
could handle.

Seemed like everybody in town finally woke
up and discovered the good things in life.

Paintball, bikini models, stogies.

Rhett was right.

It was the jerky that brought people in.

Yeah, life was good.

For me, it was about to get better.

Scat!

Get out of here, you damn furballs!

Move it!

Puss, puss, puss, puss, puss.

Puss, puss, puss, puss.

I think she likes you.

Whoa!

The first time I laid eyes on Kristen,
I knew she was the girl for me.

We were different, yet alike.

But mostly different.

Hi, I'm Kristen from the health food store
next door.

Hi.

I'm Chet from Chester.

I think I spent a weekend in Chester once.

I had no idea what that meant.

She was cute though.

Well, I guess I'll see you around.

I like that.

Chet.

Bye.

I was so busy trying
to see down the front of

Kristen's halter top, I was
missing the bigger picture.

Rhett and Mickey were sending free jerky
samples all over the country.

They said it was just good business.

But in reality, it was part of a nefarious
master plan.

Yeah, Mickey, create more sweet jerky.

Soon the human race will be reduced to
mindless beer-swilling drones.

And then rats will finally achieve their
destiny.

Drolling a planet and using human sl*ves
for our scientific experiments.

Yeah, let's see how they like having
cigarettes shoved up their butts.

If Trocules can crush 12 Geometros in a
minute, and Piston Pounder crushes at the

rate of five Subarus a second,
how many beers can you chug in an hour?

How many guys?

Exactly.

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Lisa's magic is making people weird.

It's like Mr. Pilate isn't Mr. Pilate.

I think it might be the jerky.

Of course it's the jerky.

Partake of the salted sticks of wonder,
my brother.

Through them... We become one.

Principal Scampi?

Mrs. Carmichael?

Ah, Mr. Donnelly.

May I offer you a salted stick of wonder?

Hold still, you're smearing the mud flaps.

Pardon the undignified posture.

My butt's under renovation.

Care to take a peek?

It's the truckinator.

I've got Sir Truck-A-Lot on my left cheek.

That's just great.

Bye-bye now.

What's the rush?

Join us, boy!

How about that?

Cool.

Oh, there you are.

Your mom's hosting a six keg over the
bridge club.

Wouldn't be a party without you.

Thanks.

So, anyway.

I had no idea what the jerk he was.

Screwing with people's heads.

You know, changing them.

Making them like the same stuff I do.

I should've noticed.

But I had other things on my mind.

So, I don't suppose you'd want to go grab
some lunch with me?

Some place with salads and stuff?

I'd love to.

sh*t!

I gotta talk to you.

Not now, tater-scrote.

I'm busy.

It's okay.

I've gotta get back to my shop anyhow.

Bye.

Bye.

What the hell do you want?

Wyatt was there to warn me.

He told me how the jerky was changing
people into a paint-balling,

stogie-chomping zombie army.

It was a shocking, horrifying story.

I knew I had to act.

I didn't see the problem though.

I mean, it was like everyone had finally
come around to my way of thinking.

Well, there's no denying the Pope loves
his paint-ball.

And, as far as I'm concerned, well,
the Last Supper never looked better.

In Washington today, a
disturbance broke out when

a local convenience store
ran out of domestic beer.

The matter was happily
rectified when the National Guard

arrived with tanker trucks
full of the frosty beverage.

Mmm, that looks good.

Is it me, or does it seem like the entire
world is getting obsessed with beef jerky?

You think?

Nah.

Good afternoon.

Allow me to inform you of the jerky de
jour.

We have jerky almondine, lightly graced
with basil, and a jerky provincial.

I've been roasted and served with red
potato in a provocative bernese.

It's probably just a fad.

Mmm, have we decided?

Oh, I am dead.

Maurice will be taking your order.

Alas, I must now retire to the area.

Chet.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can eat
here.

I don't eat jerky.

Pardon moi.

Did madame say she does not eat jerky?

I don't eat any kind of meat.

I'm a vegetarian.

Maybe we should go.

But madame cannot leave until she tastes
the salted stick of wonder.

Look, Frenchy.

The lady says she didn't want any jerky,
okay?

I am afraid.

We must insist.

Look!

Jackdine beer truck!

Wyatt was right.

I should have listened to him.

But I didn't.

Chet, what's going on?

Why did we come here?

They're putting something funny in that
jerky.

I think the answer's behind that door.

Ah!

Well, you're a lot smarter than you look.

We thought it'd take you a lot longer to
figure out that we're actually rats,

mutated into human form,
bent on world domination

through the dissemination
of tainted jerky.

Huh?

I think they're evil, Chet.

Right then.

You guys are going down.

Now step away from the jerky mission.

What are you gonna do, Chet?

Trash it?

Trash all this stuff?

It's everything you love.

Paintball, the jerky, the trucks.

You're our partner, Chet.

There's gonna be a new world order.

And there's a place for you right at the
top.

New world order, huh?

Yeah.

So what's it gonna be, Chet?

Ruling a planet with your buds?

Or bedding down with some spindly sprout
munching too?

Foo-foo headway.

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-betting down?

It's not out of the question.

Impressive.

A guy who eats as much jerky as you,
it's gonna break my heart to k*ll you.

That only shoots paint.

Scalding hot paint.

Crap!

I hit the pressure regulator valve!

It's gonna blow!

Mickey, the ship's going down!

Please!

Scurry, scurry!

Please!

The nightmare was over.

The jerky was toast.

And this sh*t was friggin' heavy.

Man's man's world had to burn.

I had to make sure.

When I woke up, it was morning.

Kristen was still out cold.

I was scared.

She'd taken a face full of concentrated
jerky squeezins.

Kristen!

Kristen!

Kristen!

Oh, thank God you're okay.

Don't worry, babe.

The jerky's destroyed.

The nightmare's over.

Up for some paintball pit lick?

No!

I went running into the streets.

That's where you guys picked me up.

And that's the whole story.

You've got to believe me.

So can I move back in, then?

Whatever.

Thanks, Dad.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

It's my creation.

I do not know yet.

Why don't people understand my intentions?