01x05 - We Need to Talk

[bunniefuu]

[funky, rhythmic music playing]

Brothers, there is nothing wrong
with femininity.

I'm for femininity.

Making us less masculine?
I'm not all right with that!

We have to get back to ourselves!
That's right!

It's time for us to no longer feel shame
for who we are.

For having hair on our chest,
for having sweat under our arms.

We need to feel like men again.

[loud battle cry]

[coughs]

ROOSTERS

-[Merel] Please, come on, sweetie.
-[Jason] No.

Please don't make this harder than it is.

I don't want you to go.

I want Dad to go.

-You wanna say something?
-Me?

-[Merel] Yeah.
-It's your idea.

-Uh… look, sweeties, come and sit down.
-[Jason] No.

-[Merel] Yes, come on. Come sit.
-[Jason] No!

[Merel] You too. Come on. Listen.

You remember the story
about the bird and the nest?

[Jason] Mm.

This is our nest, right?

All of us. It's yours and yours.

It's mine.

It's your dad's.

But sometimes it's better

if Mom and Dad
don't both live in the nest together.

And Dad's gonna take super good care
of both of you. Hmm?

-He's taking us to McDonalds.
-Oh no. Don't!

That's between us.

[Merel] Uh, no.
Honey, no one's going to McDonalds.

Because Dad wants you
to eat healthy too. Doesn't he?

-Yeah.
-And we get to go to the movies.

Dad promised us.

[tense, rhythmic music playing]

[Merel] Ah, seriously?

On a school night?

Yeah, well, uh, I'm trying to make sure
that my son does not hate me, yeah?

-[rhythmic music swells, fades]
-[guys grunting]

-[Mike] Yes! Yeah!
-[Danny laughing]

-[Mike] Whoo!
-[Greg] Where you been all day?

With your new girlfriend?

Ah, that's where
all your energy went, huh?

Right. Tell us what happened with Anouk.
You finally get some?

The first month is the best.
You can't keep your hands off each other.

-Nothin' beats the first month.
-[Ivo] Mm.

-Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. So? Huh?
-[Ivo] Oh.

[chuckles awkwardly] It was fine.

Sorry. But fine? [scoffs]

Yeah. Like I said, it was fine.

Wait a sec.
Sex can be anything, Ivo. But not "fine."

-Uh, I mean, it was a bit vanilla, but…
-[Danny] Oh man.

As in, roll over and sleep?

-[coughs] Sorta.
-And Anouk, what… what did she say?

[Ivo] Mm.

We didn't talk about it.

You have to talk about it, Ief.
Didn't you learn from that course?

That was such bullshit. Come on.
Saying it's all about feelings now?

-And the sex isn't important?
-[Danny] Yup.

It's such sh*t.
It's nature. You can't fool nature.

Exactly.

[Greg] Ief,
you have to talk to her about it.

Openness is important.

Yeah. Just ask Pam, huh?

[laughs]

-[Danny] Hoping this leads to better sex.
-[Mike] There he goes.

[Danny] Come on. Free course! Better sex!

[quirky, upbeat music playing]

[peppy music fades slowly]

Oh yeah. And Jason has
his, uh, presentation tomorrow.

He absolutely cannot bring
tomatoes to school.

So, no tomatoes.

[energetic music playing on stereo]

-Wait. He throws them in class.
-[phone beeps]

Ready? Shall we?

I… Sorry, no.
I'm actually trying to book a hotel.

-It's a bit…
-[Ramon] Why?

Just stay at my place.

[scoffs] Isn't that a bit fast?

We can do it in a real bed for once.

[chuckles]

Okay. That's sweet.

Okay, 30. Let's go.

Thirty?

[birds singing]

[Stevie] Honey?

Do you know what this is?
It was charged to my credit card.

My credit card.

Your credit card, my account.

Are you checking up on me now?

Five hundred euros for carnivore protein.

I never questioned
what you bought with my credit card.

Well, you could have, you know?
I'm not hiding anything.

And neither am I.

So what is it?

It's for my… for my course.

-The one against toxic masculinity?
-Yeah. They, uh…

It's, uh… medication.

Kind of like
those acai shakes you get, remember?

-Expensive.
-Yeah.

But… it costs a whole lot of money…
to become a new man.

[upbeat, funky music playing]

MEREL CITY DRIVING SCHOOL

[Merel] Hmm.

[door squeaks]

[doorbell buzzes]

[chuckles] Hi, sweetie.

[Merel sighs]

Mi casa es su casa.

[Ramon chuckles]

-Thank you.
-Yeah, sure.

[Ramon] Mm.

[Merel grunts]

[Ramon] Hmm?

It's good, right?

I'm usually pretty strict
about calories, but

I added some extra cream cheese in it.

We'll have to burn it off later.

Mm.

[Merel] Hmm.

-Mm.
-[fanfare playing on TV]

[Merel] Ooh.

It's time for the news.

[woman on TV] Welcome
to Hollywood Insider Today.

It's official that Jennifer Thompson
will be starring

in the new movie based on the hit toy.

[woman on TV] Boys will be boys. [sighs]

-[Pam] Things are good, right?
-[Danny] Mm. Absolutely.

Nothing better
than a relationship based on trust.

[Danny] Hmm.

Which is why I think maybe we don't have
to be so strict with all our rules.

What rules?

Well, for example, we have a rule

that says we can't date
the same person twice.

That's a silly one.

Wait, what?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why?

Uh, no, well, there's a man who wanted
to see me again, and I thought that…

No. No, no, no, Pam.

No, no. We have a very clear agreement
about this. Hold on.

-Yeah, I--
-Wait here.

Article 7.2, "No multiple dates
with the same person."

Yes, but that's why I thought
we could have some flexibility with it.

-I have a feeling--
-Are you in love?

I knew it. I knew this would happen.
You're in love with him.

No, that's not what's happening.
Trust me on that.

-A contract is a contract, Pam.
-Mm-hmm.

-You, of all people, should know that.
-Mm-hmm.

[piano music playing]

-I like being with you.
-Mm. Yeah.

[Anouk giggles]

Like we've known each other for years.

[Ivo] Mm.

Yes, I, uh… feel the same way.

[Anouk chuckles]

And, um…

-In bed?
-[Anouk] Yeah.

It's really nice.

Nice?

-You don't think it's nice?
-Hmm.

No, I just think it could be more…
I mean, it could be a little…

Tender?

-No…
-Loving?

Exciting?

Oh.

Um, just something different.

Like what?

I don't know.

Um…

Um… like, do it… by the fire?

On a rug?

Mm.

Or in the bath?

With candles lit all around us?

-[inhales sharply]
-A bubble bath?

It's not, um…
I meant more… uh… spontaneous.

Okay, never mind. Um…

It's, uh… It's… fine.

Really. It's fine.

I had this friend, and she…

she would sometimes do it

in the restaurant.

In the bathroom. Spontaneously.

-[door closes]
-[both moaning]

-Okay. Here, sit down.
-No.

-That feels gross.
-Oh. Uh…

-[dryer whirring]
-[both laugh]

Okay. Take me.

-Oh, yes…
-Hurry.

Oh, Jesus.

-[man knocking] Hello?
-Yeah?

One sec.

Okay, let's go.

[both moaning]

-This is more exciting.
-Yeah.

-Oh God, it's making me so hot.
-[man] Hey!

Come on, keep going.

-[man] This is the accessible bathroom.
-Keep going. I think this is so exciting.

-Don't you?
-Yeah. Yeah, it's fine.

[laughs wildly]

-Shh! Shh!
-Are you close?

[giggling]

[both yelp]

[guitar tuning]

Is it raining?

[clothes dripping]

-[grunts] It's not working.
-Try untying the laces first.

With Anouk, I mean.

She's really great,
and I'm just an as*h*le.

I'm… just a superficial as*h*le.

Cool. So you're ready for another date?

Here. Tamara.
She's 43 and a divorced mother.

I can't date someone.
I have to break up with Anouk.

You didn't do that yet?

-And break her heart?
-It's not hard. I can do it for you.

Nah.

Anouk, this is possibly one
of the hardest moments since…

[gentle music playing]

Yeah, since my wife…

I think you're really special…
but I'm really scared.

I'm scared to love you
because I know that I could lose you.

Jeez, Tess.

And I just couldn't handle that.

If we're meant for each other,
we'll get back together. Really.

[Ivo] Hmm.

But you have to give me time. Out of love.

-[music stops]
-Great, do that, and I'll set your date.

[sniffles, exhales]

[bright cinematic music playing]

-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-[Merel] Hmm?

[softly] See that man there?

-Don't look! Don't look!
-Well, you said, "See that man there?"

He keeps giving me tickets.

-Right there?
-[Ramon] Don't point. Don't point.

[Merel sighs]

Hey, no!

[panting, grunts]

-What are you doing here?
-Working out. Why?

Why else?

Oh right. You come here
for other reasons. Hmm?

Since when do you work out?

Well, if I'm on the market,
I'm gonna need to get into shape.

Enough with the tickets. You need to stop.

If he follows the traffic laws.

He won't bother you anymore.

[grunting aggressively]

How do you know?

If he does, he won't get to see his kids.

[Greg grunts loudly]

[peppy music plays]

[music swells, fades]

[Greg] What's your problem?
You cheat on her.

Yeah. That's 'cause men
can keep things separate.

-Women fall in love too fast.
-True.

Pam says that isn't the case.

Women are great liars.

-Yeah. Yeah. f*ck.
-You know what it is, Daan?

-Forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
-[Danny] Mm.

-Well said.
-You just gonna let it happen?

-Hell, no. No!
-[Mike] Mm-hmm.

I thought the beauty
of an open relationship

is that you trust each other.

The "beauty"
of an open relationship is nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

It's all a big scam.
This too. All of this is…

Wait. Sit down. Sit.

[gentle tune plays]

A NEW MAN

Today I want to talk about intimacy.

[Danny scoffs]

-[Bram] Most of you are heterosexual?
-Yeah.

Who among you
sees themselves as a h*m*?

-Stick your hand up.
-f*ck off, man.

h*m* is another obstacle
for intimacy among men.

I want you to hold your neighbor's hand.

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-Come on.

-Yes, physical contact is awkward, I know.
-Yeah. Okay.

-Sorry, Bram. Sorry. May I… uh…
-May you hold my hand? Yeah, sure.

-No. I just… I don't agree with you.
-Go on.

We have to tiptoe around everything,
and I'm, uh… I'm fed up with all of it.

I can't say "he" or "she" anymore.
I have to sit down to take a piss.

God forbid I grab the bill
to pay for a meal.

Then I'm the as*h*le. It's nuts.
They're taking it all too far.

-Who is?
-[Mike] Society.

I'm just over all of it, you know?

And I think I speak for all of us. Right?

We want to feel
like we're men again. That's all.

But the new man is a--

And that's why, Bram,
I've created my own course.

-[Danny] What?
-An appreciation of masculinity.

Sign up now. BackToBeingCocky.com.

[class cheering]

[students murmuring]

[cheering raucously]

Hey, guys. What is this?

You just came here to screw me?

No, I found it all super useful.

You can take your money back,
and I don't want to see you here again.

Yeah, but isn't that a bit of
a toxic masculine reaction, Bram?

-Well, great, Mike. Thanks so much.
-I should be thanking you.

You gave me the idea for the thing.

-[man] Hey, what was that website again?
-BackToBeingCocky.com.

[meat sizzles]

[Danny exhales]

[inhales deeply]

[cheeky music playing]

HI, BEAUTIFUL.
DO YOU HAVE TIME FOR ME TOMORROW?

[door closes]

-It smells good.
-Mm.

Everything all right?

Uh, yeah. Work.

How was your presentation,
sweetheart. Jason?

Jason, how'd it go?

Jason doesn't want to talk to you
until you come back.

Greg, will you ask him how it went?

He's not talkin' to me either.

[Merel sighs]

Fine. Well, have fun tonight, all right?

[Sky] Bye, Mom.

Bye, my loves.

-Where are you?
-Huh?

Where are you?

I… I'm staying at a hotel. Why?

Damn. You should ask
for your money back. Bye.

[line beeps]

Man, what are you doing?

[energetic music playing]

Danny, are you sure?



I can't believe it. I just don't see it.
Mike said Pam was unattractive.

[scoffs] Yeah.

Yeah. It's her mouth.
She's got such thin lips.

-Seriously?
-It's the pinched prissy lips.

Like a schoolteacher.

You never noticed?

No.

-[gasps]
-God damn it.

[tense music playing]

-See? I was right.
-[gasps]

[Danny grunts]

Oh my God. I had hoped you were wrong.

-I'll follow them.
-Go, go, go!

-[tires squeal]
-[music swells]

[energetic music playing]

Don't get so close, or they'll see us.

-Oh… hold tight.
-Hey!

-Careful. Slow down.
-Do you want to catch them or not?

I'd rather not.

-How are things with you guys?
-Good.

Oh, yeah?

The sex?

-What?
-[Danny] The sex!

sh*t. Hold on. Hold on tight.

-[Stevie yelps]
-[Danny] Idiot!

-My girlfriend's on that bike!
-[Stevie] Move!

[bicycle bell dings]

I'm so glad you wanted to meet up with us.

-Most men are a bit, uh, reluctant.
-[Ivo] Mm.

You like football? Ajax!

Feyenoord.

-Lego?
-Kid stuff.

[Ivo] Mm.

I'm gonna powder my nose.

-I'll let you two get acquainted.
-[Ivo] Mm.

[whimsical music playing]

I'm gonna k*ll you in your sleep.

-Daddy!
-[father] Hey, Muppet.

-Do you have everything, honey?
-Yeah.

-Yeah? There's soup at the house.
-Hey.

-Ivo.
-[father] Hi.

Um…

Okay. You have fun with Dad. Mwah.

And don't call.

Mommy's gonna be… busy today.

[whimsical music swells, fades]

-[Stevie] How do you know they're here?
-[Danny] Find My Phone.

Okay. I'll take the first floor.
You take the second.

[quirky music playing]

Hi. I'm with the management team,
and I wanted to see if you got the robe.

It's, uh… part of our loyalty program.
Enjoy.

Room service?

Um, wrong room.

[Danny] Oh, sorry. My mistake. Wrong room.

-[Danny sighs]
-[Pam] Thank you.

Oh!

Mike, you hypocrite!

Ah. Show yourself! Coward.

[quirky music ends]

-[chuckles]
-This is, uh, Peter.

-You said you had an agreement.
-Uh, yes. Yeah. That's true.

I just came to, uh…
You know, I wanted to make sure, um…

Well, to check if, uh…
everything was going well.

-Oh, Jesus.
-[Danny] Enjoy the champagne.

And each other.

Yeah.

-[cheeky music playing]
-[door opens]

-[sighs]
-Have you found them yet?

Uh, Pam? Yes, I did. [chuckles]

-And where's Mike, then?
-That, I don't know.

That's between you two, Stevie.
It's not my business.

-But wait. What--
-No, listen.

Pam and I have made a clear agreement.

I trust her.
It's just that I'm… more mature.

And there are some men
who aren't ready for that.

They, uh… They do this in secret.

-Do you think that--
-Take care.

[Danny sighs deeply]

-[sighs]
-You as*h*le.

-Sorry?
-Why are you lying to me?

-What are you talking about?
-I saw you with Pam.

I can't believe you'd do this.

What the hell
have you been doing with her?

Sweetie, that's for my course.

Yeah, sure. Like the protein you ordered.
I looked it up. It's not a medication.

-Listen---
-I talked to Danny.

He said the course ended a while ago.

So be honest for once in your life.
Why were you with Pam today?

-I went to the Chamber of Commerce.
-What?

Yeah.

I was at the Chamber of Commerce,

and she came with me
to help 'cause I started a business.

Then she said she was meeting someone
at the hotel, so I dropped her off.

-A business? What business?
-c*ck LLC.

I created my own course, Stevie.

"How to Revive Your Masculinity:
Getting c*ck."

A course for men to "get c*ck"?

There's a hole in the market.
I've got 30 applicants.

I'm gonna sell them carnivore protein
for five times the price.

This is what you got
from your men's course?

That men aren't c*ck enough?

It's genius, right?

It's just… [laughs]
It's gonna be a success, really.

I… I feel it.

Everything will go back to normal.
The money will be pouring in.

And you, my darling,
you can lounge by the pool all day.

-I don't want to lounge by the pool.
-Lounge where you want.

As long as you know
that you don't need to do anything.

Your man's making bank again.

[cheeky music playing]

[Mike] Oh!

I won't be needing this.

Boop.

Yoo-hoo, Mommy's home.

The kids aren't here.

Oh, where… where are they?

Football.

Oh, of course.

-What is that?
-I'm studying.

[scoffs] You're studying?

Yes, I'm studying, Merel.

Not to be a personal trainer.
That seems pretty boring.

To be a detective.

How come you never told me about this?

Well, we all have our secrets, I guess.

Okay, well,
I think I'll jog to my parents' house.

Get my steps in. See ya.

Oh, wait, honey.

-You forgot your… toiletries
-Oh. Yeah.

You know,
I stopped taking the testosterone.

I don't need it anymore.

The doctor says I have the levels
of a 23-year-old.

-Bye.
-Yeah.

[door closes]

[under breath] f*ck.

[rhythmic, cinematic music playing]

[gasps softly]

[beer bottle opens]

[door closes]

Ah. Hey, you're back already?
Was he not good?

Look, we need to talk. This isn't working.

Uh, why not?

-You've been so insecure. Mike?
-I know, I…

-I just…
-I think it's time for us to stop.

No. No, Pam, no, no, no. I love you.

Please listen.
I'll try… not to be jealous anymore.

-Really, I promise.
-I mean the open relationship is ending.

I think we should go back
to our old routine.

Oh. Seriously?

Yeah. We'll bury ourselves alive.

No, I mean, if you insist.

If… if that's what you really want.

I'm exhausted. It's time for bed.

Yeah. Sweet dreams.
Have the sweetest, sweetest dreams.

Yes!

Yes! Yes, yes! Bang, bang, bang,

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[hesitates]

[sighs]

[funky music playing]

Greg.

-[slurring] Mama.
-Where have you been all night?

-I… I…
-Have you been drinking?

Pfft, a little.

-Come on.
-Um…

Momma, why doesn't Merel love me?

Merel does love you.

-Oh.
-Mm.

[grunts]

Then why is she leaving?

Sometimes you have to leave
to come back home, sweetheart. Hmm?

-Merel called me honey this afternoon.
-[mother] Mm-hmm.

[Greg groans]

-You just need to sleep.
-[Greg groans]

-[grunts]
-[mother] It'll be better tomorrow.

-[door opens]
-[energetic music playing]

Dad?

[Ivo and Tamara moaning loudly]

[Tamara] Oh, yeah!

[Ivo] Oh!

[Ivo moans loudly]

[grunts]

-You want something to drink?
-[Tamara] No.

-I'd like noise-canceling headphones.
-Oh.

Sorry, the sex was… so intense!

-Jesus, Dad. I'm your daughter.
-Yeah, sorry.

-[Tess] And it's not just about sex.
-I'm breaking up with Anouk.

This is how it's supposed to be.

[doorbell ringing]

Hmm?

It's Anouk.

I'm not here.

-No. No, no, no, no. Don't do it.
-[intercom buzzes]

-Tess, what are you doing?
-[Tess] You can't just ghost people, Dad.

-Hi.
-Hi. I'm here to see Ivo.

-Mm. Come in.
-You must be Tess.

-Yes. Yeah.
-Well, how nice. Great to meet you.

-Yeah.
-[chuckles]

Dad?

Uh…

He's right here. Behind the couch.

I found it. [chuckles]

-Hey.
-Hey.

You miss me?

Ah. Yes.

-Thai!
-Oh.

I wasn't sure what you liked,
so I got it all for you.

Wow. [chuckles]

Um…

How about we go on… like, a picnic outing?

[yawns] So tired! I'm going to bed. Bye.

Oh, well, 'kay. Night night.

-[quietly] Hi.
-[yelps]

-[door closes]
-[Ivo chuckles awkwardly]

So fun, this picnic.

And so spontaneous.

[both chuckle]

[Anouk] Mm!

Anouk, uh, we need to talk.

Yeah?

I think you're so special.

-So beautiful.
-[sighs]

[softly] But I'm so scared.

[gentle music playing]

Scared to love you
because it means I could also lose you.

And that…

Oh, jeez, Ivo…

Hmm?

Uh, and that…
that, I wouldn't be able to handle.

Look, if we're meant for each other,
we'll find our way back.

But you have to give me some time.

Out of love?

Yeah?

-Mm-hmm.
-[Ivo sighs]

-We'll go to therapy.
-Sorry?

I understand that
you're struggling with something,

and I'm going to help you through it.

No, no. No, I don't need that.
Uh, it's just better if…

Wait. What? What are you saying?

[scoffs] A break-up?

Is that what this is?

The sex is really not good.

Uh… That's what it's about?

No. No, it's… [splutters] Of course not.

Oh wow.

Jesus.

You act like you're this sweet,
loving, tender guy,

but you're just one more of
those macho guys

who only thinks
with his tiny little prick.

You're just as sexist as all the rest!

Anouk.

[Mike] It's true
that men make a mess of things.

And women don't like messes.

From the moment you get out of bed,

the world tells men,
"You need to change who you are."

But one can wonder,
"What do women really want?"

A vulnerable, compassionate man?

Or the macho guy from all the perfume ads?

He's diving off a cliff
and climbing onto his own yacht.

The bulge in his trunks, ready for action.

Ask yourself,
"Why would these ads still be on TV

if there wasn't extensive research proving

that's the guy women prefer?"

Sure, equality is nice,
but does it turn you on?

When did masculinity get so lost?

Find it with my courses.

Enroll today. BeingCocky.com.

Spaces are limited. Sign up today.

My God, that's sh*t.

-Uh, sh*t?
-[friends laugh]

Man, it's… it's going completely viral.
Di… Did you see?



-It's true, though.
-The internet will bury you.

Pfft. There's no such thing
as bad publicity. And, hey.

You're the one I should be thanking.

It was your idea to go
to that stupid course,

and it turned out great!

-Get off!
-[laughs]

I genuinely wanted to change,
and you… you changed into a monster.

Hey, listen.
I'm really trying to help, okay?

I want to give them back
their self-respect. That's all.

And get crazy rich doin' it.

[energetic, jazzy music playing]

[music ends]