Cop & a Half (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Where did he go?

Up or down Frankie?

Up!

What was that for?

To help wash the sh*t

out your teeth.

Tango six, come in.

Dammit Jon, come in for

Captain Dhoni.

I'm going after Wayne,

cover the exits.

Negative! Negative!

Stand by for backup! Over.

No! By the time backup arrives,

he'll be gone!

Breach! Breach!

Go! Go!

Where are the drugs, Wayne?

I'm not gonna ask again.

You came up here?

You should have gone down there!

Hey!

You sh*t brick!

Don't you dare!

Freeze!

Ah f*ck!

This entire operation...

down the drain because of you.

I was the one who got us the lead

in the first place.

Well, now we got nothing.

We knew they were working

with someone higher up.

So now what?

The snitch and the distributor are both

a bloody mess.

We're digging their brains out of

ten kilos of coke,

and we still have no idea

who the bigger player is!

- If the SWAT team had...

- Shut it!

I'll pick up the trail again Cap'.

No, you're off this.

- What?

- Excuse me?

I'm sorry, Cap', can we just...

This entire thing is a stuff up...

because you can't play nicely

with other kids.

So what now, I'm suspended?

No.

Nope...

Homicide in Rosettenville,

looks drug related.

Come on, Cap', this is low level shi...

You're lucky I'm giving you that!

Now get out!

Hey.

Get your sh*t together, Jon.

Yes, sir.

Trevor Gumede, 37 years old,

you were born in Johannesburg.

You were five years old by the time

your mom left you.

Since then, you've bounced around from

home to home,

You then ran away from there to Cape Town

to be a thug.

Breaking and entering, shoplifting.

You thought that was like small fry, hey?

So you had to upgrade yourself...

to possession of narcotics, possession

with intention to sell, burglary.

You know, when I am thinking carefully

about this, Gumede,

your sentence, collectively,

you're looking at about 11 years.

No, no, correction,

that's why I work with you guys.

Wipe that sh*t clean.

That is not going to happen.

Your cover is blown.

All I need from you, is to make sure

that Phindi gives up the drugs,

and her contact.

You've got the drugs

in your hair!

Police! Police!

Help! Police brutality!

Ow! Look he's cuffed me!

You sellout!

So you are the one

that has caused this for me!

And whose fault is that?

That stupid rookie was supposed to

arrest me alongside Phindi.

That might be true,

but you're burnt now.

Spoilt goods, can't use you.

f*ck that!

But, I have a small job for you,

in Johannesburg.

No! No!

I would rather drink Gwede Mantashe's

bath water!

In actual fact, I would rather go down

on a Taiwanese tr*nsv*stite.

What am I going to get? Meat and two veg?

An axe wound? I don't know?

The chances are better than me

going to Joburg!

Listen here,

it's either you go to Johannesburg,

or you start thinking of a number of ways

in which you should not pick up the soap.

What time's that flight?

Bring a marker here

for the needle, please.

Jurre, it looks like Die Antwoord

shot a music video here.

Yeah.

It's chaos man.

- Look who's here!

- Hey! Hey!

- Kannie!

- Kannie?

Can't play nicely!

Good one.

- Thank you.

- So tell me,

what are you doing here? Because now

you can see, but hi, this is a Homicide?

I know what's happening here!

He got kicked off a big job,

and now he needs to hang around here

with the small sh*t!

That's what happens when you turn

your key witnesses into porridge.

Apparently the

forensics says they

can't even tell the

one guy from the other.

And the coke?

No, couldn't even find any coke,

it was just blood and guts everywhere.

You know like when you

have a bowl of mince, - Yeah...

- and you put, like, icing sugar over it.

- Yeah...

It looks like that.

I think we should rename him,

and call him "Tri-f*ck-ter",

because he lost three things!

That's good, I like that!

Alright, I got what I need.

Come on! No comeback?

- You want my comeback?

- Yeah.

Go get it out your mother's arsehole!

Ok, that's f*cking unnecessary.

That was mean, Jon.

Hey, come on Dandla, it's not that funny.

I'm just coughing, my friend.

In what sources believed to be a

bizarre case of mistaken identity...

The actor playing

Oscar Pistorius in the

upcoming movie on the

disgraced athlete's life,

has gone missing.

Are you mad?

- Is this for real?

- Ja, it's tuning all over the socials.

Damn, South Africa really is a movie, man.

I mean, are criminals in South Africa

that useless,

that they actually kidnapped

the wrong person?

Chucks, I think we both...

Hi.

- Monique, pay up!

- Yeah?

- And now, what is this?

- It was a slower night.

Slower night's arse!

Where is the rest of my money?

- Does it look like I am hiding something?

- Yes it does!

- Where's my money!

- What?

Whoa! Stop the w*r! Stop the w*r!

You can't treat a woman like this.

Who the f*ck is this guy?

I'm the guy who's telling you not to pull

a Donald Trump on her,

grab her by the p*ssy!

Hey my man, listen here!

I sell anybody, but a dead body.

This here, is my b*tch!

But you can't own a person, okay?

Unless you do it romantically,

like RnB singers, you know like-

The girl is mine...

How much ransom

would you get for Oscar now?

- Half price!

- Actually,

I do remember you.

Huh?

You're the guy that

didn't pay me last night.

- Ohhh!

- No, I've never met you.

I have never met her!

- Is this is the fool that didn't pay?

- Yup, he's the f*ck!

- No! Hey! Hey!

- f*ck! Piss off!

Break it up, break it up!

What's going on here?

I don't know.

- Let's just sort this out.

- Oh, officer of the law!

- Detective.

- It's the same thing.

You're not so tough now, hey?

- Don't touch me!

- This man wants to pay me,

to sleep with this man.

- You're a pimp?

- No! I'm a cop!

So, where's your badge?

Well, technically, I'm not a cop.

So you are impersonating an officer?

No, I work with the police,

so I'm half a cop.

Okay, I'm taking you in.

- Trust is earned.

- This way.

- You're hurting me!

- I'm not touching you!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

What're you doing?

Police brutality!

He's manhandling me!

Ow!

- He's a r*cist!

- I'm not a r*cist!

Everyone just back away,

I'm an officer of the law,

there is nothing to see here.

He's bribing me!

Am I bribing you or brutalizing you?

Which one is it?

- This is typical! Let him go!

- Ahh!

I'm not touching him!

You are hurting this man

because he doesn't have money!

Ah, come on, man,

he's a pimp, impersonating an officer.

I'm telling you to just...

just back off, okay?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

f*ck!

General! General! We did it.

We got Oscar Pistorius.

Yeah, but this is not Oscar Pistorius.

What do you mean?

He's got legs. He's got legs!

Oscar Pistorius does not have legs!

He does not have legs!

Oh, uh... he said...

Is he alive?

Of course, General.

We had to use a little extra chloroform.

He's an athlete. He's strong.

So Boy-Boy, tell me,

just how much chloroform?

That's too much! That's too much, mate!

Oh.

No, it's fine.

Oh!

Oh, sweet!

A few drops.

Well, he's dead, you dumb f*ck.

- Hai, he's not dead.

- He's dead!

Check his pulse.

- Ah...

- What do you suggest we do with it, Ma'am?

I don't know.

Maybe cut him up?

Cut him up?

- Burn him.

- Burn him?

Just don't f*ck up like the last time

you tried to get rid of a body.

Google it.

- Google it.

- Google it.

Have you got data?

in the upcoming film,

"Run Oscar, Run", is still missing.

What a sh*t show. I feel bad for

those guys from Violent Crime. Vusi!

Yeah!

What did you find out?

What did you find out?

Remember the drug deal that went wrong.

Drug deal went wrong,

and they are busy with the autopsy.

They'll let us know

as soon as there are any results.

- This is a lekker shirt, Captain.

- Yeah, thank you, Carelse.

- So what's next?

- Cap', a word.

Can't you see that we are busy here

with "Tri-f*ck-ter"?

I thought we changed it to "Kannie"?

- Hey?

- Cannot grow a mustache.

You managed to get my come back yet?

Get your f*cking foot off my table,

black Indian!

Captain, permission to moer

Jon in the face!

Shut up! Where's my tea?

Thank you. My office.

You can be lucky the captain stopped us.

I would have dropped you!

This better be good.

I found something at the scene.

Forensics said it's clean,

the body is in the mortuary.

Those two idiots don't know

what they are doing!

I found an address written on the body.

I think there is going to be a drop off.

Follow the address.

I'll see what I can get about the body.

- Thanks Cap'.

- Not so fast!

You're not doing this alone.

Western Cape Regional

sent someone to assist.

Cap', you know I don't work well

with others.

No, Jon! After what you did yesterday,

I don't wanna hear it!

- Ah, f*ck no!

- No f*cking way!

- You guys know each other?

- He's a pimp!

- He's a c*ck!

- He's a detective.

Well, why didn't Detective c*ck

detect that I'm not a pimp!

- You made me pull my g*n on that crowd!

- You did what?

- Not important.

- He's a r*cist!

- I knew it!

- Trust me, he is not.

I should beat the sh*t out of you!

- Is it because I'm black?

- It's because you're a menace!

- Captain, hold my g*n so I can moer him!

- The two of you better sort your sh*t out,

or you get a three month suspension.

You get 11 years jail time.

Yoh!

f*ck!

Give me a pen.

What's all of this?

What is that?

You know how expensive this is?

Here, 8:30 tonight, don't be late.

That's called defacing state property!

My friend, I heard that you

have a lot of women in Cape Town.

Please pass me one.

I'll have a black tea,

two sugars, no milk.

Did he just order a coffee from you?

I mean, there's nothing here on chopping

up bodies, it's just "How to get ripped".

That thing needs a supplement.

Brother, do you think these gloves act

as a raincoat for hands? Don't you think?

Okay, so just open this chicken one,

- The one with the chicken.

- What?

The thing to rip something.

Here is the one with the chicken.

No, we're lucky that these two ret*rds

are family,

otherwise I would have

chopped them up fast and furious!

As for Lerato, she f*ck up

one more time and she is done!

Done!

I'm going offline for a while,

I've got some business

I need to take care of.

No matter what happens, meet me

at the power station tomorrow night.

Sure.

Are you really going to do it?

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Hi, my love.

- Hey, babe.

- How's the eye?

- It's okay.

Who did you piss off now?

I didn't piss anyone off,

they all pissed on me!

Of course.

My husband is an innocent angel.

That's Jason.

The electrician for the inverter.

Oh, right.

So, did you get suspended?

Nope. Worse.

They gave me a 15-year-old girl's job.

- What?

- I have to babysit a C.I.

Well, it's better than getting suspended.

- Is it?

- Yeah.

Look at it this way,

you get to make a new friend.

Don't start.

Tessa and I can't be the only thing

in your life.

You're not. I have work,

and I have friends.

No you don't.

You do not have friends, Dad.

Okay, what about Lester?

You broke his arm.

Oh, yeah.

That was your fault.

Don't start. Mom!

He went for the last chop on the braai,

and I told him I was saving it for you.

Mom!

Get inside!

Jissus.

Hi, sister,

- How are you?

- I'm doing well and you?

I am fine. Can you please give him

the worst, worst room that you have, n?

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- Why?

- Why?

Because you deserve it!

You are a rat!

- Thank you.

- Alright.

Okay.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! General!

Perhaps we should start off with a prayer,

I don't know if I am getting hot.

I'm burning, fire...

Whoa! Whoa! General! Whoa!

Okay, okay, okay.

- What the hell?

- Sorry, sorry!

Idiot, I said next door!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

- What about Eddie?

- He's a paedo!

No, he said he liked my new haircut.

Exactly!

Alright, all done.

Good job, buddy!

- The inverter is great!

- You haven't even seen it yet.

Cool! Yeah, well, you know...

how about the two of us go for a beer?

To say, "thanks".

Uh, okay?

Cool!

Where are the lights, Jason?

You scamming my wife?

Taking her money?

It just takes a few seconds to kick in!

Good job!

Really lights up the place.

So how about that beer?

I think you made a great new friend.

He's fine.

You just scared the sh*t out of him.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

- Okay.

- Ready.

Sure you're ready?

- Yeah.

- Huh?

- You guys good?

- Yeah.

You need a bucket?

No, no, no.

- Right?

- Alright.

General! General! Oh, General!

Mm-mm, hi, sexy.

And this?

I'm just blending in.

- Here you go.

- Seriously?

Yeah, that's about R20,

it's all there!

I'm sorry, ma'am.

That's more like it.

Cheapskate!

- I didn't mean it disrespectfully.

- She's right.

Would you stop drawing attention to us!

So, who are we here for?

I don't know yet.

What are we here for?

Listen, 90% of the job is this, okay?

Just sitting around staking sh*t out,

trying to put the pieces together.

Or you're just doing paperwork.

That sounds sh*t boring.

Yeah. That's how we like it,

because boring equals safe.

I hate to break it to you,

but being a cop isn't like in the movies.

There are no crazy gunfights,

or fistfights or explosions,

You're not chasing after people

in the street like an action hero...

There.

That's who we are here for.

How do you know?

She's dressed like sh*t.

So she's not a stripper.

And she's carrying a briefcase,

but she's not a suit,

Her whole vibe doesn't add up.

Mm-mm?

Some guy was m*rder*d late last night

in Rosettenville,

and they left this address

written in blood, on his chest.

Written on his chest?

We're looking for Edward Scissorhands!

Who's played by Johnny Depp,

and Johnny Depp's wife shat in the bed.

They say make your bed and lay in it, so.

Hand on the lips?

No, I'm fine. Married.

Well, well, well,

you look like you could use a drink.

f*ck off man!

Oh, that's a tequila lady!

Two tequila's please.

I'm not a stripper, so

don't expect anything.

Don't worry, I'm not

gonna judge you on that.

No, relax.

Just have a shot.

So is it working for you?

This thing of going around

offering women drinks?

I don't know, did it work?

There you go.

I suggest you leave.

You don't want to be here

within the next two minutes.

What's happening in two minutes?

You meeting someone?

Oh, your boyfriend?

A married man!

Gross man!

My friend, Busi from Munsieville.

If she can find me here with you

she will hit you!

Busi?

Busi from Munsieville!

Busi and me, we are this tight.

So close!

Man! It's such a small world!

- Busi! Busi! Busi!

- For real?

If you really know her,

what's the password?

If you really know Busi,

you would know that Busi

would want you

to give me the password,

before I ask you what the password is!

That's Busi to a tee.

Nightingale.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

We have a winner!

Winner! Winner! Chicken dinner!

Now how did you know...

Wait, who sent you here? Lady...

I'm sorry, my friend's a little drunk

and he's off his meds.

- What are you doing?

- I'm working her!

Are we here for intel,

or to find you a girlfriend?

Can you just calm down!

The lady and I were just...

What the f*ck man,

chew that sh*t back!

- f*ck!

- I want a g*n!

What did you eat?

I want a g*n!

I want a g*n!

I want a g*n!

I want a g*n!

Give me a g*n!

f*ck no! Stay here!

Jesus!

Sweet baby Jesus, this is not

what I prayed for when I said

I want a hit this morning!

Ah! What the f*ck was that?

Is that ginger ale?

I've never hit a lady before,

but I'm about to make an...

Ah! What the f*ck?

Ugh!

sh*t.

sh*t. I'm sorry.

Uh argh!

Sweet baby black Jesus,

please be with me

with this crazy white man!

Come on, big boy.

Let's fight.

Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.

Huh ugh!

Ahh!

c**t punt!

Thanks for the help!

Just get back there!

You're getting your a*s

handed to you by a white girl!

- Are you drinking right now?

- Does it look like...

Go! Just go!

Go! Oh, man!

Our black nation is dying...

f*ck it, Trevor, my leg's on fire!

Come on, let's get out of here, Trevor!

The popular strip club

burned down

before firefighters could get there

to save it.

Looks like the club was lit last night.

What is this?

Get out of my way.

Check this sh*t, Captain.

Eyewitnesses on the scene

report that a sh**t out

took place before the fire started.

This is re...

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Cap', that was all self-defense.

You burned down a strip club

in self-defense?

He burnt it down!

You've created a PR nightmare!

None of this would have happened

if I had a g*n.

- No!

- No!

Okay, okay. Everyone's stressed.

Let's circle back to this whole

g*n thing later.

Whoa! Whoa!

That will be a disaster!

Yeah, it's the fourth one now,

n, Jon?

Should call him "Foursome".

Jon, who are these two yahoos

and why are they in disguise?

It's not Halloween.

Why don't you put some of your hair

on his head and give him a hand?

- Yeah.

- That's not even funny.

I've got it, Jon!

With his straight mustache,

and his peppercorn beard,

they look like a velcro wallet.

Captain! Permission to sh**t

Jon's new boyfriend in the face please?

Please!

How long did it take you

two idiots to find evidence

literally written on a body?

They obviously can't read,

these guys.

They've got literally,

on their foreheads, written "Dumb a*s".

What?

- What? I'll sh**t you in the face!

- Did you write on my face again?

Cut that sh*t out!

The two of you,

go and clean up that mess.

- When?

- Now!

As you say, Captain!

Tag and bag whatever you can.

So what now, Detective Big Shot?

Well, we've got the briefcase.

We still got Busi.

Who?

That's the name that Lerato gave me

just before her head exploded...

Exploded all over me.

She was going to give me another name,

but then he interrupted us,

so, there's that.

Okay, alright, follow the lead.

And no more dead bodies

and burning sh*t. This isn't a w*r-zone.

Is that my mug?

Remind me never to drink from that again.

Unbelievable!

- Ah look! I found one!

- What the f*ck!

Don't touch anything.

You know, we need a car

with bigger boot space, man.

Yeah, you're right.

You know, you never

know how difficult it is

to get blood off your face.

No, man, Boy-Boy,

I just want to say I'm sorry

for like, just fainting back there,

it's just that yeah, the blood.

I feel like I still have blood on me.

Do I still have blood on me?

You got...

did you even wash your face?

- Yeah, I did.

- It's pouring out your ears man!

Yeah?

It's coming out your ears, look!

It's coming out your ears,

do you see that?

Where, where, where? There's

no blood here, there's no blood...

Oh sh*t.

Oh sh*t! Oh sh*t! Ah!

Again? Hey!

For f*ck... f*ck!

This is great.

I mean!

So much for babysitting a C.I.

Things got out of hand, baby.

No sh*t!

I mean, who did this to you?

Jon!

A bunch of g*ng-bangers,

there were like ten of them.

Huge guys.

Oh, don't worry about it.

It's not as bad as it looks.

Actually,

just think about it as tomato sauce,

look...

Chew it back because

if you do it I'm gonna do it as well...

So what now?

I'm just going to follow a lead,

and report back.

- Nothing hectic.

- Nothing hectic?

You're saying nothing hectic?

Now I'm really worried.

I'll be fine, I promise.

Boy-Boy, don't be worried.

Mine went higher than yours anyways.

Just get in the car!

Some gangster sh*t...

Let me demonstrate, Tessa,

come stand over here.

Okay.

Okay, now walk at me.

Okay.

Excuse me, ma'am.

You didn't do anything.

Mm-mm, you think so?

Really!

No ways!

No, I did not feel that!

Right! You're right.

- That's super cool!

- I know, right?

It's because the distraction is the bump,

and then the magic

is in the timing and the...

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing!

I told you, she can't see you like that.

Chill dad, it's just tomato sauce.

Yeah. High five!

Ah! That's for old people.

So what you do, right,

is you take a fist bump right,

Bah!

And then you go woo...

And then another fist bump.

- Bah! Cool, right? Cool, right?

- Oh, that is so cool!

Jon try it!

What is happening?

Um, the shower's upstairs,

and, please, burn

those clothes afterwards.

- Who's this?

- My wife.

I call bullshit!

No way that's your wife!

That's a cover.

For 15 years?

No way, you're playing the long game here.

No way!

This is your wife?

Sister?

Is this your husband?

Or is he playing the long game?

No, me and you

can't talk about those

things, we don't know

each other very well.

Ooh, so you're...

Voetsek, go and clean yourself.

Did you hear him?

IsiZulu is sexually

transmitted in this home.

He must be tapping you good!

He never stops.

You see what I'm dealing with?

Well, this better be over soon.

Oh! What happened to making friends?

Go to a bar like a normal person.

You are drawing too

much attention.

You lost the money!

I land in a few days,

and you don't want to

see mummy unhappy, do you?

I've got some big news,

and I need to know that you two

can handle business without me.

Don't ever ignore one's privilege.

Your dad dies and leaves you a trust find.

My dad died and only left me with

a shitload of half-brothers and diabetes.

Why is the third hand on a clock

called the second hand?

Are leaves called leaves

because they leave the tree.

My morning poos take a lot out of me.

Diarrhea's hereditary,

because it runs in your jeans.

I have a serious question for you.

Yeah, what?

Did you start talking the moment

you popped out of your mother's vag*na?

You keep my mom's vag*na

out of your mouth!

- Gladly.

- Wait. What? f*ck.

All right. Anyway, what's the plan?

- We try to find Busi...

- Yeah

If it's the crazy chick from last night,

we take her down.

No way dude. That chick is like a ninja.

Like, literally. She's probably got those

smoke bombs and poof, she's gone!

Kind of like taking a sh*t on the plane.

When you flush it,

your sh*t just goes away.

I've got separation anxiety...

Maybe you can talk her to death,

and I'll do all the work again.

Okay. What if it's not

the Busi chick from the club?

We wing it.

Dude, that's your plan? Wing it?

Let's just wing it.

Stupid! And we can't go in there as cops.

Well, you're not a cop, so sorted.

Oh nice! That's where

your spirit is today?

Okay, fine. You know what?

That badge? That's a red flag.

f*ck.

And the g*n.

- Seriously?

- Hm-mm.

You want to go in there unarmed?

Yeah, well, I just want to go in there

without risking my life again!

Probably need some sunscreen around here.

Is this a bad time to mention I've

never tried anything like this before?

Ah!

I'm hoping this bag catches

the right people's attention.

Hello, gentlemen.

You know Busi?

It's going to be harder

than we thought, man.

- Hello, ma...

- Shush!

- Hello, ma.

- Hello, gentleman.

- How are you?

- I'm fine thanks, and you?

I'm good. I have a friend

that goes by the name of Busi,

but it's my first time

here at Munsieville,

I don't know where she stays around here.

- Do you know her?

- No, I don't know her.

Perfect.

You see that kid back there?

No man, don't mind that.

He's been following us since we got here.

Duh, you sticking out like a sore thumb.

Kid's probably thinking what's that

white monkey doing in the location?

He knows something, I'm telling you.

He knows nothing about a ninja woman!

You think the kid knows?

How are you a detective even?

- How do you still have your own...

- Shh! He's coming over right now.

What? How do you even still have a job?

That's not a kid. It's a m*dget.

You can't say m*dget!

It's not politically correct!

It's mongoloid.

It's definitely not mongoloid.

Mongoloid means ret*rd.

Hey! You little sh*t!

Wait! Hey! Wait!

He's fast for a little... aah!

Tri-pod, come here

Isn't his d*ck dragging in the sand?

Where did he go?

He's so fast, like a little baby cheetah.

Where are we?

I don't know. f*ck!

f*ck off! Go!

Of course!

- Move!

- Yeah.

Well, well, well, well.

I see money.

- You see money, hey?

- I see it!

- You see money, hey?

- I see the money.

Here's a white man

It's only the money that we want.

I hear you are looking for Busi?

I told you this kid knew something!

Hey! I'm not a kid!

I eat more p*ssy than you!

He's right though.

Unnecessary.

You need to give that briefcase to Busi.

Money, money, money, money!

Keep on working! Wipe there as well!

We've arrived gents! Hey guys,

where are you taking that corpse?

Here you go!

What the f*ck? Seriously?

Come on.

He didn't even search me,

I kind of feel short-changed.

He almost grabbed me

by the short and curlies.

f*ck it, get back into work mode.

Yeah, yeah, f*ck it. I don't know

what's in there, so you carry it.

You better hurry up,

or we're gonna come short.

- Thankfully not as short tempered as him!

- It's over. It's over. Work mode.

There's a place where few people go.

There is a woman, she dresses in bright.

If you're not careful,

she might take your life.

Lerato sent us.

What's the password?

Nightingale! Nightingale!

Okay.

Just give me a moment.

I need to sort something out.

How the f*ck did you know that?

Alright.

Now, I don't know if

you're going to survive this,

but now we know for sure

that you will never r*pe again!

Gives a whole new meaning

to go blow yourself!

- Wait. What is that?

- It's his d*ck.

- What the f*ck do you mean?

- Don't you f*cking do it!

Not again!

Don't you f*cking do it! Swallow!

Swallow that sh*t! Swallow!

Come on now!

Don't you know it's rude

to make a noise as a guest?

Stop it!

Get your sh*t together!

Where is Lerato anyway?

She bailed. She said she's too scared

to come this far.

She lost her head...

Mind!

Honestly,

Lerato,

I always knew she didn't have

the ba*ls for the game.

Well neither does he.

- Good one.

- [Jon] We're your new contacts.

Well, then we should get going.

Headaches waiting for us,

and we're late.

What about him?

Well, you know what they say,

"Survival of the fittest"

If he makes it to the hospital

he lives, if he doesn't,

Alright, get going.

Thank you.

- Headaches?

- Why is she so happy?

How does he still have a semi?

What the f*ck!

Jon put your thumb in me!

f*ck it.

We're here to see the big guy.

Boss! They're here.

Who's "they"?

Busi and the guys.

Hm-mm.

Now make sure

ya'll pack this thing nicely!

Last time y'all spilled,

my niece thought it was sherbet.

She ran around like a mad thing

for 5 hours.

Oh, I see Gladys Knight

brought her pips.

Lerato backed out.

These are our new plugs.

And the rest of these?

Ah, that's it.

You thought that when

you came here,

something bad

was going to happen to you.

You can never be too careful.

True.

Three mill.

Yeah, that's going to be a problem.

Price just went up.

- Does Lady T know?

- I'm telling you.

Yeah, that's not how it works.

You don't tell me how things work.

I tell you!

We're the ones who took the risk here.

So I'll take any cream off the top I want!

Understand?

I can't do that, see?

Oh, you can't?

Look at this guy!

Look at this guy.

Why the f*ck did you do that?

Yes. We've got the money and your drugs.

It's the principle!

You k*lled all these men

because they bruised your ego?

I was sending a message.

Now, do you have a problem

with the way I handle my business?

No, please do continue with

the t*rture and the m*rder.

Thank you.

Now be a good girl, and load up.

Because we've got places to be!

Headache! Headache!

God! I really can't with this guy.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Headache! Headache!

Come on! Let's go man,

We gotta go! Let's go!

sh*t!

Let's f*cking go man! Let's go!

I'll be there now!

Alright...

powder your noses, adjust your wigs,

because its showtime.

T, my girl!

Wassup?

And then? What happened?

Where the f*ck have you been?

Okay?

I've been trying to get hold of you

all of last night.

I told you I had business to take care of.

Alright?

You know I don't let my phone

cause me any distractions.

What is all this now?

You know I've seen more f*cked up sh*t

since I met you

than I've seen in my entire cop career.

We're sitting ducks out here, man!

Just stay cool.

Cavalry is on the way.

Yeah, well, Lerato really f*cked up!

You know, I always knew

that b*tch didn't have it in her.

But I did meet your guys,

and we took care of Headache.

My guys?

The tall white guy... buff guy.

And the short black guy...

the guy that talks too much.

Tell them I wanna say hi.

Hey, b*tches!

We don't have all night, man!

- Let's go.

- No!

- Trevor!

- Just wait for the cavalry!

Trevor, I'll sh**t you myself!

f*ck!

Just give it here.

Catch up.

Ah! Not this b*tch again.

Yes. This b*tch again!

Drop the b*tch, rock!

Okay! What the f*ck is going on here?

They're cops!

But you would know that

if you bothered answering my calls.

Excuse me. I'm not a cop.

Oh, now you're not a cop?

Well, if they're gonna sh**t cops only,

I don't wanna die.

- I'm not a cop...

- You don't have to explain it!

- Shut up!

- Shut up!

I had a run in with them last night.

You wanna go another round?

- Do you?

- What's that supposed to mean?

Everybody saw what happened last time.

- You didn't see what happened last time!

- She handed you your a*s!

You were hiding behind the bar,

-drinking and making c*ck

-She kicked you in the a*s!

To blow the whole f*cking place up!

I'm bored! Tie them up.

Put them in the car.

Why?

Why don't we just k*ll them

and get it over with?

Yeah!

And have every guy with a badge

on our a*s? No!

This is our time to show Di Mamzo

that we can run our own sh*t!

We do this on our own.

General, I'll f*cking tie him up,

I'm not scared.

Cops! Cops! Cops!

sh*t!

[Jon] You poked me in the f*cking eye!

[Jon] What are you doing?

Go! Go! Go!

- Don't eat it, moron!

- What is it?

- It's cocaine!

- Whoo-hoo!

It smells great!

Lets go to Cape Town!

I'll draw her fire,

you go after the ninja.

- What? Me?

- Yes!

No! I need a g*n! Yeah!

You really want to

get into this right now?

Just go after her and keep eyes on her

so she doesn't get away! I'll do the rest!

On one...

Oh! Jesus. Just go!

Oof!

Come, come, come, go, go, go, go!

She's in the corner!

Busi. Where's Busi?

Have you seen Busi?

You two! On me!

She's not here!

- I don't wanna die here!

- Me too!

Why didn't you say something?

Because you're always so tough, my boy.

Alright.

I don't wanna come across as a p*ssy.

- f*ck!

- I am a p*ssy!

- I get constant anxiety.

- You do?

- Yes!

- You really do?

- Let's just sit this one out.

- f*ck yeah!

- Yeah?

- Yeah!

Guys, have you seen Busi?

Ah-ha! Got you b*tch!

I usually don't hit women but...

whoa!

I'll make a f*cking

exception for you, b*tch!

Okay, f*ck Boy, it's your turn then!

f*ck Boy. Really? In the midst

of everything that's going on,

you're going to call me a f*ck boy?

I'm a loving person!

I'm a lover, not a fighter. Okay?

Hey, p*ssy boy!

The mongoloid's got

a f*cking grenade!

Hey! Stop!

sh*t! Trev? Trev?

Jon... did I get her?

No.

I'm so cold, Jon.

That's how we do!

Yeah! You guys, you missed it!

You missed everything!

They're old, Trev, they needed their

beauty sleep.

Yeah, they need more beauty sleep!

Hey, it's a celebration!

Ahh!

Ow!

Just stop.

Alright everyone, get back to work.

This is a police station,

not Joburg bloody Theatre.

You two, my office.

In the office? Yep.

We are going into the office!

You guys stay outside! You losers!

Captain, you want to see us as well?

Yeah. Three teas, please.

- Make one rooibos.

- Okay! Tea?

The money and the drugs were seized.

Well done.

For what? She got away!

They both did!

Can't you just be happy for once?

We still have no idea

how high this thing goes.

Who's this Di Mamzo character?

None of my concern.

I'm closing the case.

With Lady T in the wind?

And Busi. Don't forget about Busi.

I'll circulate a description

for both of them.

Also for this Di Mamzo.

Look, we got everything we needed for now,

Lady T has got no more plays.

f*cking A!

Jono, let's go take a shower man.

I've been up all night!

No! No! Not like that!

You guys!

I mean, you shower, then I shower.

No soap on a rope.

And then, you know, we can just chill.

Not a f*cking chance.

I'm going back to Louise and Tessa.

After all that we've been through?

All of what, Trevor?

I had your back. You had my back.

I thought it meant something?

It meant I was assigned

to a f*ck up of a C.I.

I've been beat up, shot at, burnt.

Seen some guy eat his own d*ck.

Okay, what?

Oh, yeah, you're going to have

to look into that.

I just want to get back to my life...

without you.

Cap'.

And just for the record,

I could have done this without you.

So what now?

Well, your record's clear,

so you can go back to doing

whatever it is you do.

What I do is just going to land me

up in jail again.

Well I suggest you don't do that then.

Dad, seriously,

please cover your scars!

Plasters are for sissies! Ask your mom.

- Is he embarrassing you.

- Yes, he is, he is.

They need oxygen to heal.

This is what healing wounds look like.

They look nasty!

Is it supposed to look so pusy?

- And open? And gross?

- Yes.

Ew.

Hi, Momma.

Hello, my girl.

I'm hearing concerning news.

Just some minor setbacks.

You know how mummy feels

about setbacks, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I'm on it.

If you were on it,

I wouldn't be calling you, would I?

We're going to do things my way.

So where is he now?

No idea...

Why didn't he come over?

He's a criminal, Louise,

I can't have him around you and Tessa.

Ugh. He was a criminal,

and Tessa really liked him.

Yeah, red flag.

Babe, you've spent more time with him

than any other man.

You don't think it's

worth giving it a chance?

You said I should go to a bar,

and make friends like normal people.

Well, he's grown on me,

and I really think he's grown on you, too.

Yeah well, it's too late now.

What did you do to him?

I didn't do anything.

Well, you must have said something?

I mean, I might have said a few things...

Help!

Shhhh! Get under the bed!

Where's Tessa?

Tessa!

It's okay, baby,

just do what they say. Okay?

Jono!

Drop it... sit the f*ck down!

Ta ta ta...

Manners, we're guests here,

don't be rude.

Please excuse us for barging

in here unannounced.

And do pardon my daughters foul mouth.

Please.

- Dad!

- It's okay, baby.

Ah, ah, ah!

We've never met.

They call me Di Mamzo.

You must be Jon.

You, Jonny-Boy, have been giving me

and my children quite the headache.

They're not children,

They're animals.

Maybe once!

When they were on the streets.

Alone, scared, hungry.

But I took them in.

I made them strong.

I made them fearless.

You're the kingpin?

Did you hear that, girls?

What do they call me

on the streets again?

Isgora.

Mm-mm.

- Top Dog.

- Nkunzimalangala.

Big Cheese!

- Fat Cat!

- Fat Cat!

But I personally prefer being called

Queen Pin... for obvious reasons.

May I?

Do you enjoy playing hide and seek, Jon?

Amazing how much joy can be found

in the art of hiding from another person.

But what I never understood, girls,

is why you always hid

in the same obvious place!

Perhaps, it is the delight of knowing

that they'll be found.

That's the thrill of the game!

The anticipation of footsteps

slowly approaching.

Knowing the inevitable is near.

Come out from wherever you are!

Their little hearts

racing faster and faster!

But they never hid in the closet,

behind the curtain, or in the laundry bin.

Where do you think they hid,

Jonny-Boy?

Mm?

Ready or not, here I come!

No!

Dad! Mom!

No, no, no, no, no!

We'll be in touch, Jonny-Boy.

No, no, no, no, no!

We had to put her

in an induced coma.

It will help her recover.

- How long?

- Well, for now I can't say.

We'll just have to check

how she responds to treatment.

But we'll just keep monitoring her.

Thank you.

I'll get our baby back, I swear!

Alright, Charlie Three, come in!

Yes. Coloured female,

12 years old, this is a minor.

Yeah, minor. She's still in sleepwear...

I f*cking told you we needed

to get them!

I'm sorry, Jon.

Sorry is not going to bring

my daughter back!

Look, we are doing everything we can.

How's Louise?

How the f*ck do you think she is doing?

I'm calling in my contacts!

- You don't have any contacts...

- I'll go door to door!

Jon, you are too close to this.

You need to let us do this without you!

The hell I do!

Jon!

Jon, you know the protocol.

Look around.

Everybody but the guy

down in evidence is up here!

Just take a breath.

- I need a moment.

- My office.

Jonny-Boy!

Touch her and you're dead!

You really want to

threaten me here?

Let's just take a step back, shall we?

What do you want?

That sounds better.

You know exactly what I want!

It's all locked away in evidence!

Of course! That's the fun part.

You're going to get it back for me.

How the f*ck do you expect me

to do that?

Somehow, I think

you're going to make a plan.

I'll call you with a

location within an hour.

I think you know what will happen,

if you don't pull this off.

Any sign of the police, she dies.

I can't do this alone.

Agh, okay then! Bring a plus one.

Let's see how much

daddy loves you, huh?

What's the play here?

Aren't you two tired of being Ice-Boys?

Wouldn't you rather be the Moreki?

Headaches, and all these men

think they own the trade in this country.

But they didn't see

us ladies coming, did they?

And where are we going?

Well, it was supposed to be a surprise.

But the two of you f*cked it up royally.

We now own a share in

the most luxurious train in the world.

Access to 30,000 kilometers

of the most advanced

railway system on the continent.

Mostly unmonitored,

run by men who

wouldn't think twice

of turning the other way

for a cold drink.

Our product can run free.

What if they hit our stuff?

That's where the two of you

come in, my darling.

Those men are on my payroll.

It's your job to manage

that side of the business.

Keep them in check.

Come on, come on.

Nope!

Hi, you've reached Trevor.

Please leave a message.

Unless you're the white gorilla,

then f*ck you, Jon!

f*ck, come on!

What? You better be calling to apologise!

Something's happened.

I think you've mispronounced "I'm sorry,

Trevor. How can I make it up to you?"

I really need your help.

What happened to

"Oh, I could've done it all without you!"

They've put Louise in hospital,

and they've taken Tessa.

Yeah, but I'm just a f*ck up of a C.I.

you've got a whole building

full of cops to help you.

What we need to do isn't exactly legal.

So you're in?

Only for Louise and Tessa!

I don't give a f*ck about you!

You can go f*ck yourself, Jon!

That's good enough for me.

Okay. So what's the plan?

What the f*ck are you doing

down here, pretty boy?

Who are you?

I'm the guy the captain

sent to come ask you

who the f*ck you think you are?

- What?

- The Detective's daughter is missing,

and you're sitting down here

twiddling your f*cking thumbs!

No, no, this is where I am...

It's hands on deck!

Not hands on d*ck!

Hey! Are you on Pornhub?

Are you surfing the internet

on the station's WiFi?

- I wouldn't...

- Honestly! The girl is gonna die!

Hurry! It's a code 10-1!

Wait, wait, that was too much.

I'm sorry, bring it in.

Bring it in for the real thing.

Sorry about that.

So sorry. You'll be okay.

Just go check on the Detective's daughter.

Hurry! It's a code 10-1!

She's gonna die...

- Shh!

- Oh.

I can't believe that actually worked.

Quick, grab the duffel bags,

I'll grab the rest of the sh*t.

Come let's go!

Isn't there something you want

to say to me first?

Seriously? Now?

Yes, now.

I'm sorry.

- And?

- I can't do this without you.

And?

We can shower and chill

when we're done! Come on!

Okay, I'm not really into dudes,

but it will do.

For f*ck's sake.

Does that look like a duffel bag?

Here, grab it.

Oh!

I've got the drugs.

Hustle.

I gave you the light bags.

Oh... ooh!

In 20 minutes time,

we're going to start the search.

Central moving out

in four different sections.

You're gonna start with public transport,

make sure you work with the guys

at the Taxi unit.

- Then also we are gonna be...

- Sir!

I'm here sir!

What?

You said all hands

on deck. I'm here, Sir.

I didn't mean you.

- Shelters, check out the shelters...

- I told that guy!

Wait... who? What?

You know, loud, chatty,

big eyes, scar on the nose.

sh*t! You guys, come with me!

Evidence room now!

Evidence room!

Let's go! Come on!

Here we go!

Trevor!

Jon, would you stop f*cking around!

What car is this?

This is our car.

This is a piece of sh*t.

I needed to get something untraceable,

if we get followed, they'll k*ll Tessa.

Oh man!

So we are really on our own in this one?

Yep.

f*cking hell, I'm not gonna ride

in this thing!

Shhh!

And?

- Just say where.

- Good boy.

Pretoria North.

The big railway station.

They're gonna be okay, bro.

I promise.

Thanks.

Come on! Come on!

Pistorius, you had one job.

sh*t!

sh*t!

- I've got a surprise for you.

- Yeah?

Check it out.

Alright. That's yours.

Okay, this is how you use it.

c*ck it, aim, point at the bad guys,

and sh**t.

Finger off the trigger

until you're absolutely

ready that you've

got a shot, alright?

Got it?

- No.

- f*ck's sake. Just take the wheel.

That's ill*gal.

Everything we're doing right now

is ill*gal, okay?

c*ck it.

Point at the bad guys,

and sh**t, it's not rocket science.

Huh?

Okay, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is that a dating app, Captain?

- Yeah!

- What?

Just asking.

sh*t!

Come!

f*ck!

f*ck? What's wrong?

Jon and his buddy are about to get

themselves k*lled.

Yes!

Can we take their parking spot, Captain?

Oh, Lord God,

I pray to you through the sweet,

innocent eyes of the black baby Jesus,

hanging on my grandmother's wall.

I pray that you are with me

through this battle

which is about to ensue.

It is a very, very dangerous one, and I

would like to go out with a clean slate.

I pray that, God,

you fill me with your Holy Spirit,

or any other liquid that you'd like to

fill me in... with.

Not in a sexual way.

I've already been "filled in" in prison.

That was not nice.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Yeah.

You know, I actually wanted to say Lerato

is actually not such a bad person.

She would have actually

been so good for this.

- Right.

- Yeah.

Here we go.

The boys are here!

Hey! You don't say that!

You don't call us boys,

we're fully grown men.

Shh.

Hello?

Is that your plus one, Jon?

This is my partner.

Who's that lady?

She's running the show.

So, do you really mean that?

I'm your partner?

Where is the stuff?

Where's Tessa?

Dad! Dad!

- It's okay, baby! It's okay.

- Dad!

It's okay baby, just stay calm.

- Dad!

- It's okay!

Get it.

Not you.

You know all this drama

could have been prevented.

If only you just left us alone, Jon!

You've got this, buddy.

That's it buddy, put your back into it.

That's it. Good job.

Good job, buddy, good job.

Hello, babe, it's okay.

Did you really think it

was going to be that simple?

Did you?

What are you doing?

The safety is on!

You didn't say nothing about a safety!

Just point and sh**t.

No, no, no, no, no!

Get back here,

you're going to get yourself k*lled.

What are you doing?

Just aim at the bad guys!

You're going to k*ll us!

Hey, listen, I'm not dying like this.

Neither am I.

- Get the money.

- You get the money!

Me get the money?

You're mad!

Jesus!

Holy sh*t! Little black baby Jesus

must really love you.

You think?

Okay, I'm going after them!

Watch Tessa for me, alright?

No, no, Dad!

- No, no.

- It's okay.

Listen, shh, listen to me.

It's going to be okay,

I promise you I'll be back.

It'll be okay.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Just get in! I'm going to get your dad!

- I don't wanna go in!

You're going to be alright.

Yaaaah!

b*stard! You'll regret this!

Ugh.

This is how we first met, Jonny-Boy.

I didn't think I would die like this.

b*tch.

You died the moment

you touched my family,

and now I'm going after yours.

Take cover! Ah!

Come back! Come back!

You devil!

- Hurry!

- Oh, God!

Come here!

So sick of this short sh*t.

f*cking sick of this sh*t!

f*ck!

Come back here you devil!

f*ck!

What a pity.

Under normal circumstances,

I would've climbed

that woman like a tree.

Excuse me, what?

- Hide behind a tree!

- Let me come, please!

- No! No!

- Please, come on!

You left your g*n behind.

Ugh!

Aah!

Yeah!

Ooh!

Aaah! Ah!

Ah, man! There's blood in my mouth!

Your DNA and my DNA are mixing!

Why does your blood taste like couscous?

Ahh! Ahh!

Get up. Come on.

Where's your g*n?

What g*n? Oh yeah.

Seriously?

- Where's Tessa?

- Don't worry she's safe.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, she's in a tree!

- Oh, my lucky hat!

- In a tree?

What? Just... listen, you go that way,

I'll go that way, we take her together,

okay?

- Alright.

- You got this buddy, come on!

- How's your wife?

- So much better than your mother.

- What's happening back there?

- Gross! Are you hard?

A little bit.

Grab the pin.

Grab the pin!

- Oh... f*ck!

- What the f*ck!

Come on, Jonno!

Go!

Jesus!

How long was that grenade in your pants?

Just long enough

to wipe the c*ck cheese off.

Never mind. Good job!

- Dad!

- Tessa!

Ah! f*ck man!

Why's it always me with this sh*t?

Let's just pretend it's tomato sauce.

Oh, that worked! I didn't gag!

Well done. You're finally becoming a man.

Well done partner.

I couldn't have done this without you.

It's taken some time,

but the paperwork is done.

You guys are in the clear.

Nice!

And?

It's the academy for

you in a couple of weeks.

You better get your arse into gear!

You're going to be a

cop and a half one day.

Aw, Trev!

Yeah.

Ja, ja, ja! You can't be f*cking serious?

Who else is going to give

this guy a job man? He's wearing pajamas.

Okay, singers of Old Town Road, listen.

Your mother called.

She booked a full night of this...

Just make sure you're on top, Trevor.

I hear she's a one tonner.

- I'll moer you now!

- You can always climb her like a tree.

What?

Nothing.

Ixnay on the tree'snay.

- Help your mom.

- It's your fault.

Private school kids, hey?

Come on.

You hear that tree thing from Trevor?

I'm gonna k*ll him.