01x35 - You Can't Judge A Person By His Appearance, Either

[bunniefuu]

On Screen,CAPTION:[Eromesu's House]

GINTOKI (mono):In the previous episode, Shinpachi saved a cat-eared girl from a drunk on the train.

Main:,And so, this and that happened and he's been invited to the girl's house

Main:,which is an incredibly suspicious-looking place.

GINTOKI (mono):Is this all right?

OTAE (mono):What exactly is "this and that"? Explain it in more detail.

OTAE (mono):And include why we're following him.

GINTOKI (mono):Umm... And so, that was probably how the story went.

OTAE (mono):I've never heard such an irresponsible recap.

GINTOKI (mono):And so, I feel kind of sluggish now.

OTAE (mono):Don't say you're sluggish.

KAGURA (mono):Big Sis. It's impossible for someone apathetic like him. I'll do it.

KAGURA (mono):And so, the cake was delicious.

GINTOKI (mono):You're talking about yourself.

OTAE (mono):You two think you can tack on "and so" onto anything, don't you?

KAGURA (mono):And so, it was definitely delicious.

OTAE (mono):Fine. I'll do it.

OTAE (mono):The land of the samurai. The time when our country was called that is long gone.

GINTOKI (mono):Hey, that's too far back!! How many episodes are we going to recap?!

OTAE (mono):And so, we explain things in order.

GINTOKI (mono):And so, you keep quiet.

OTAE (mono):And so, no, you keep quiet.

KAGURA (mono):And so, anyway, we're going to the opening credits.

On Screen red,OPENING CREDITSCAPTION:[While on a date with Eromesu, for some reason, this happens at her house.]

On Screen red,CAPTION:[I don't care about the show being cancelled! Shinpachi will become a real man.]

On Screen,TITLE:["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)"]

MATSUDAIRA:What is this?

OKITA:Your wife said that she didn't need a molester for a husband.

HIJIKATA:She said that you're probably too scared to slice your gut open,

HIJIKATA:so you should just blow your head off with this.

MATSUDAIRA:That woman doesn't understand anything.

MATSUDAIRA:I'm such a coward that I jump at the slightest noise.

MATSUDAIRA:I don't have the guts to molest anyone.

OKITA:That's pathetic, Pops.

OKITA:Rather than shamelessly living in disgrace, you should die with honor like a samurai.

MATSUDAIRA:Guys like you always commit suicide with charcoal fires whenever something happens.

Main:,It's not that impressive to be alive.

Main:,It's really impressive if you can embarrass yourself, suck it up and still live.

HIJIKATA:Why did you sh**t him?

OKITA:I couldn't bear to see Pops like that anymore.

OKITA:Hijikata-san...

OKITA:Why...are people always so...

HIJIKATA:Huh?

OKITA:Why did you sh**t him?

HIJIKATA:Why did you edit it to make it look as if I did?!

HIJIKATA:Why are you sweating?! That's really pissing me off!!

OKITA:Everyone, come here! Hijikata-san has gone mad.

OKITA:I don't know what to do anymore! I just don't know!

HIJIKATA:No, no! It's not like that!! It wasn't me!! Cut that out!

OKITA:He's going to k*ll me!

MATSUDAIRA:I can't find my pocketbook anywhere.

MATSUDAIRA:Ever since the day of that molestation incident,

MATSUDAIRA:my police pocketbook and my wallet completely disappeared. What do you think?

GINTOKI (mono):And so, this and that happened, so we're following him. Is that fine?

OTAE (mono):Anyway, some other scene already came in. And so, that doesn't matter anymore.

KAGURA (mono):And so.

GINTOKI:Hey!! What do you mean it doesn't matter?

GINTOKI:You're the one who told me to do it properly! I did my best!!

GINTOKI:Huh?

SHINPACHI:Huh? Eromesu-chan?

SHINPACHI:Where did she go?

SHINPACHI:What is this card?

OKITA:What is this card?!

MATSUDAIRA:It's not funny!! Because of her, I was made out to be a molester!!

MATSUDAIRA:I was drinking at a bar by myself, when a woman approached me.

MATSUDAIRA:She was a good listener and she even listened to me about my daughter.

MATSUDAIRA:Oh, well, that doesn't matter. But anyway, I talked with her for a while.

MATSUDAIRA:We got along really well.

Main:,She told me that she knew a good place,

Main:,so I followed her and when we got on the train, she suddenly started making a fuss.

EROMESU:Stop!

EROMESU:Someone! Somebody, help me!

MATSUDAIRA:When I realized what had happened...

MATSUDAIRA:I'd become a molester. My police pocketbook and wallet

MATSUDAIRA:had disappeared, and in their place was this card.

EROMESU:I've taken your heart and your wallet.

Main:,Cat's Ear, the Phantom Thief.

On Screen:,[Note: Cat's Ear is a parody of the manga/anime series Cat's Eye]

MATSUDAIRA:I really fell for it. And at my age, too. But let me say this.

MATSUDAIRA:She didn't steal my heart.

MATSUDAIRA:My heart had already been stolen by my wife thirty years ago.

GINTOKI:Wait...

GINTOKI:You b*stard!!

GINTOKI:Wait...

GINTOKI:I say!!

EROMESU:Who are you? Are you that boy's family?!

Main:,His older brother?

Main:,What are you doing bringing your stupid face here?

EROMESU:Did you follow us because you were worried about him?

EROMESU:You don't need to worry. I haven't done anything.

EROMESU:Your little brother's chastity is safe.

EROMESU:All I want is love.

EROMESU:Yes, I am Cat's Ear. The phantom thief who steals love.

EROMESU:Love is the most beautiful thing in the world.

EROMESU:But you cannot see love... Therefore...

EROMESU:As proof I have stolen someone's love, I borrow their wallet.

GINTOKI:Shinpachi's wallet? What nonsense are you talking about?

GINTOKI:You're just saying you're a thief.

EROMESU:Your younger brother was great.

EROMESU:I'm surprised that such a pure boy exists in these times.

EROMESU:He completely fell for it.

EROMESU:He even wore those cat ears I gave to him just for fun. It was hilarious.

EROMESU:It made my heart beat like I was in love for the first time again.

EROMESU:This is why I can't stop doing this.

GINTOKI:Hey. Have you stopped using your cute-girl act? I sorta liked it.

EROMESU:Men are really stupid, aren't they?

EROMESU:They can only judge things by what they see on the outside.

EROMESU:Oh! I revealed my true feelings. How silly of me.

Main:,Tee-hee!

On Screen,OTAE:[Otae says "buriburiburiburi," which roughly translates to "cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy." "Buriburi" is also the sound of someone defecating.]

OTAE:Stop with the cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy.

OTAE:Are you taking a crap or something?!

KAGURA:Well, are you?!

OTAE:Women who can say "tee-hee" with a straight face are thoroughly unscrupulous.

KAGURA:Tee-hee!

GINTOKI:Oh, it's true.

KAGURA:Shinpachi!!

SHINPACHI:Everyone, stop!!

SHINPACHI:They say that the losers in love are the ones who fall in love.

SHINPACHI:That's enough. I don't hate you. In fact, I'm grateful to you.

SHINPACHI:It was short, but...

SHINPACHI:I really had a fun time. It felt as if I had a girlfriend...

SHINPACHI:So...let me say one thing.

SHINPACHI:I'm just kidding, stupid!!

KAGURA:You were so cool!

SHINPACHI (mono):Love, be it tragic or whatever, helps people mature.

SHINPACHI (mono):I've become stronger since then.

SHINPACHI (mono):My heart is no longer swayed by little things. I can stay strong-willed.

SHINPACHI (mono):People's attractiveness doesn't come from superficial things like acting cute, or cat ears.

SHINPACHI (mono):Rather, it comes...

SHINPACHI (mono):From deep within their hearts.

SHINPACHI:Hey! Shut up! Be quiet! You're bothering the other passengers!

SERGEANT:But President! Take a look at this! Otsu-chan's new single!!

SERGEANT:She's gone for the cat-eared look on the jacket!!

SHINPACHI:Tha...

SHINPACHI:That's so cute!!

On Screen,ENDING CREDITSPREVIEWCAPTION:{\pos(,)}[Preview]

KONDO:Pops, is it true that he's on the move?

KONDO:You picked us up, so we're prepared to do anything for you!

The next episode:The next episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either."

The next episode:Right after these messages!!

On Screen,CAPTION:[Right after these messages!!]

On Screen red,OPENING CREDITSCAPTION:[The previous story went overtime... So this episode is airing minutes late.]

On Screen red,CAPTION:[Kuriko and Shichibee on a date. What happens to this couple?!]

On Screen,TITLE:["You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either"]

MATSUDAIRA:I called you all here for one reason.

MATSUDAIRA:He's finally decided to make a move.

KONDO:Pops, are you sure about that?

MATSUDAIRA:There's no mistake.

Main:,We have a spy planted in his vicinity.

Main:,The guy discovered the plant, but...

Main:,He finally couldn't take it anymore and has made a move.

MATSUDAIRA:I don't want to be a step behind anymore.

MATSUDAIRA:If our superiors have complaints about it, I'm prepared to slit my belly.

MATSUDAIRA:This is a battle to the death. I'm going to crush him and his plans.

KONDO:All right, Pops. If you're that committed...then so are we.

MATSUDAIRA:I'm counting on you.

KONDO:Toshi... Sogo... There's just one thing I want to check with you two.

HIJIKATA:What is it?

KONDO:Who is "he"?

HIJIKATA:You don't know?!

On Screen,CAPTION:[Oedo Amusement Park]

SHICHIBEE:Oh, Kuriko.

SHICHIBEE:Sorry, sorry I'm late. Did I keep you waiting?

KURIKO:No. I just got here, too. I didn't wait at all.

SHICHIBEE:Oh, I see. Great. Well, the train was late...

MATSUDAIRA:That b*stard, who is he kidding?

MATSUDAIRA:Kuriko waited over an hour for you.

MATSUDAIRA:That's one hour of my daughter's time. I took great care to raise her...

MATSUDAIRA:You're going to pay for that with your remaining life.

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, Toshi! Get over here and let me lean on you!

HIJIKATA:Hold on!! You mean this is the guy we're after?! Your daughter's boyfriend?

MATSUDAIRA:He's not her boyfriend! I'll never acknowledge a frivolous man like him!

HIJIKATA:Shut up! I don't acknowledge you as police chief!

OKITA:Hijikata-san, I'll never acknowledge you as vice-chief of the Shinsengumi!!

HIJIKATA:You shut up!!

HIJIKATA:This is ridiculous! I took off work to come here.

HIJIKATA:And you're asking us to interrupt your daughter's date?

Main:,I can't do this. I'm leaving!

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, wait! I never asked you to break up her date.

MATSUDAIRA:I just want you to k*ll that guy.

HIJIKATA:That's even worse!

MATSUDAIRA:Do you think a jewelry-wearing joker like that is going to make Kuriko happy?

MATSUDAIRA:No, I want to acknowledge the guy that my daughter falls in love with.

Main:,I thought about it... I thought long and hard...

Main:,And I came to the conclusion that I have no choice, but to k*ll him.

HIJIKATA:That's thinking too much!!

HIJIKATA:Kondo-san, talk some sense into this doting parent.

KONDO:Who are you calling Kondo?

On Screen:,[Gorilla is a parody of the manga series Golgo .]

Main:,Call me, assassin Gorilla .

HIJIKATA:What are you doing?

Main:,Why the ?

KONDO:It's a symbol of my persistence. This year, I've been dumped by Otae thirteen times.

KONDO:Hey, Pops, I'll help, too. She needs a strong, silent type like me!

MATSUDAIRA:Kondo...

KONDO:I've known Kuriko since she was a little girl... She's like a sister to me.

KONDO:I can't give her away to a loser like that!

KONDO:Let's do it, Pops!!

MATSUDAIRA:Okay!

HIJIKATA:H-Hey!!

HIJIKATA:This is bad. I'd be willing to bet that they'll really do it.

HIJIKATA:Sogo, we've got to stop them.

OKITA:Who're you calling Sogo?

OKITA:I'm the assassin Sogo .

HIJIKATA:Hey!!

OKITA:This looks like fun.

SHICHIBEE:And so I told him...

On Screen,CAPTION:[Merry-go-round]

MATSUDAIRA:Clever b*stard... He picked his spot well!

KONDO:I can't take aim... I'm feeling kind of sick...

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, Kondo, how long until we catch up to him?

MATSUDAIRA:We aren't getting any closer.

HIJIKATA:Oh, for god's sake, you're on a merry-go-round!!

HIJIKATA:You're just going to keep going around and around forever, moron!

MATSUDAIRA:I've never been to an amusement park, so I didn't know that.

MATSUDAIRA:I've been to adult amusement parks, though...

HIJIKATA:Don't be rash. In short, you want to break them up, right?

HIJIKATA:There are lots of better ways to do that.

Main:,What? You want to join us? You want to join the assassin alliance?

HIJIKATA:I just came to make sure you don't do anything crazy!!

HIJIKATA:Unlike you, I don't feel like denying this man's worth as a human being just by the way he looks.

KONDO:He looks like a bad man no matter how you look at him.

Main:,He's full of holes. Aren't people born with enough holes already? Why make more?

HIJIKATA:I don't think body-piercing is a capital offense.

OKITA:Girls that age always go for the slightly badly behaved kabuki-mono...

On Screen,OKITA:[Note: Kabuki-mono were jobless samurai who formed gangs. Known for their flamboyant clothes and violent behavior, they are believed to be the forerunners of the modern yakuza.]

OKITA:They mature after they get burned a bit.

HIJIKATA:Sogo, how old are you?

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, I look dangerous, but girls never liked me. What's with that?

HIJIKATA:Well, good or bad, love and romance is nothing but an illusion.

HIJIKATA:Your daughter has false illusions about that man.

HIJIKATA:But if he breaks, then she should wake up from her dream.

HIJIKATA:Luckily, this is the perfect place for that.

KURIKO:Shichibee-sama, I want to ride that, like totally.

SHICHIBEE:Hey, are you serious? I can't go on rides like that.

KURIKO:Are you afraid?

SHICHIBEE:Not afraid, but they make me feel sick.

KURIKO:You really are afraid, aren't you?

SHICHIBEE:I'm not. Go ride it by yourself.

KURIKO:No! I want to ride with you, like totally!

KURIKO:Wow...

SHICHIBEE:Well, I'll be watching from here.

On Screen,OKITA:[Note: Holstein is a type of cow.]

OKITA:Quit bubbling and get on the damn ride, you Holstein b*stard!

OKITA:Make a fuss, and I'll give you a new piercing.

KURIKO:Shichibee-sama?

SHICHIBEE:Well... Umm... I guess I will ride with you.

KURIKO:Really, like totally?!

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, you sure this will work?

HIJIKATA:Absolutely.

HIJIKATA:Sogo is a super sadist who pressures and teases people as a hobby.

OKITA:Crap...

OKITA:Crap your pants.

OKITA:If she doesn't smell poop by the time this coaster returns to the dock, I'll k*ll you.

KURIKO:Shichibee-sama?

KURIKO:What's wrong? You don't look well.

KURIKO:Let's get off, if you, like totally, don't like it.

OKITA:I'll k*ll you if you get off!!

SHICHIBEE:Shut up!! I told you I'm going to ride it!!

KURIKO:Shichibee-sa...

MATSUDAIRA:Whoa! This is tougher than I'd expected...

HIJIKATA:How's it looking up there?

HIJIKATA:What?!

HIJIKATA:What are you doing?!

OKITA:I forgot to fasten my seat belt. I forgot to fasten my seat belt.

MATSUDAIRA:Hey, what's wrong with him? He's acting completely different.

MATSUDAIRA:He's getting all panicky.

OKITA:Sure, I'm a sadist... but only because I'm so insecure inside!

OKITA:H-H-H-Help me, Hijikata!! Damn it!

HIJIKATA:You idiot!

KURIKO:Ah... I was so scared...

KURIKO:Are you all right, Shichibee-sa...

KURIKO:Shichibee-sama... How come you're sitting so high in your seat?

SHICHIBEE:This is bad. You'll probably be disgusted... But, I kind of crapped my pants.

HIJIKATA (mono):Sorry, Shichibee. I don't have anything against you.

KURIKO:Thank goodness!!

KURIKO:Actually, I, like totally, did too.

KURIKO:I feel a lot less embarrassed knowing I'm like totally not the only one.

SHICHIBEE:Really? Amazing!! We're a pair! It's a miracle!

KURIKO:We really are, like totally, connected by something.

SHICHIBEE:What? Are we connected by our intestines?

KURIKO:Honestly...

MATSUDAIRA:Hey!! What's the meaning of this? They've gotten even closer!!

HIJIKATA:What the hell is wrong with your daughter?

HIJIKATA:What girl craps her pants? How are you raising her?

HIJIKATA:Oh no. They're going to the next attraction!

MATSUDAIRA:What?! While in that state?!

HIJIKATA:Hey, Kondo-san. Hurry up!

HIJIKATA:Kondo-san.

HIJIKATA (mono):Huh? Why's he sitting so high in his seat?

KONDO:Toshi, like totally, don't tell anyone about this.

MATSUDAIRA:I can't believe this. How could she still want to be with him after that?!

MATSUDAIRA:My daughter is terrifying...

HIJIKATA:She really is terrifying.

MATSUDAIRA:I'll k*ll you if you tell anyone about this.

HIJIKATA:Pops, don't worry. Your daughter hasn't crapped her pants.

Main:,Look.

HIJIKATA:That guy changed his clothes, but your daughter is wearing the same clothes.

MATSUDAIRA:She's not walking around with it in her a*s?

HIJIKATA:Of course not! Don't you find your daughter adorable?

HIJIKATA:Your daughter lied so he wouldn't feel bad.

MATSUDAIRA:What?

KONDO:Toshi, are you saying that...

KONDO:Kuriko-chan isn't disgusted at all by him taking a crap...

Main:,You were disgusted when I took a crap,

Main:,but Kuriko-chan accepts even the worst elements of his character.

Main:,Is that it?

OKITA:Kondo-san, I'm disgusted, too...

HIJIKATA:Yeah...

Main:,She really loves that man...

OKITA:Pops, look at that!

OKITA:Oh no. They're headed to the Ferris wheel.

OKITA:There's no mistake. They're planning on kissing.

MATSUDAIRA:How do you know?!

OKITA:If it's the Ferris wheel, they're going to kiss. It was created for kissing.

KONDO:K-Kiss?!

KONDO:Really? My god... I never realized!

Main:,Kuriko-chan is in danger!

KONDO:Let's go!!

OKITA:Okay!

On Screen,WOMAN:[Note: In Kyoto, people use "han" instead of "san."]

WOMAN:Hijikata-han. Hijikata-han.

WOMAN:Hijikata-han, you're so handsome and cool. You must be popular.

HIJIKATA:Not really.

WOMAN:No, that's not true.

WOMAN:Hijikata-han, Hijikata-han. Huh? What are you eating?

On Screen,HIJIKATA:[Note: Ochazuke is rice with tea poured on it.]

HIJIKATA:It's the Ochazuke Hijikata Special. Want some?

HIJIKATA:I thought love was an illusion...

SHICHIBEE:Kuriko, you really are amazing.

SHICHIBEE:Most people would be disgusted if their boyfriend crapped his pants.

SHICHIBEE:I thought it was all over.

KURIKO:I wouldn't, like totally, hate you for that.

KURIKO:Besides, you weren't disgusted when I crapped my pants, too.

SHICHIBEE:What? That's because, well...

KURIKO:Well, what?

SHICHIBEE:Well... That's because I...lo...

KURIKO:L?

SHICHIBEE:Lo...

KURIKO:Lo...?

SHICHIBEE:Wh-What's that?!

KONDO:Assassin Samurai .

OKITA:We're taking your life!

SHICHIBEE:Huh?! That's so ridiculous...

KURIKO:Somebody, help-

SHICHIBEE:What's that?!

KONDO:Toshi?!

HIJIKATA:Toshi? Who's that?

HIJIKATA:I'm the warrior of love, Mayo !!

HIJIKATA:All who stand in the way of love...will perish!

SHICHIBEE:Mayo ?!

KURIKO:He's so cool...

HIJIKATA:Never let anyone come between you two.

HIJIKATA:Farewell...

KURIKO:Umm, I'll, like totally, dump poopy pants.

KURIKO:Would you, like totally, go out with me?!

HIJIKATA (mono):I hate love...

GINTOKI:The next episode: "People with Dark Pasts Can't Shut Up."

TOMU:Dream...Catcher!!

On Screen:,{\pos(,)}[Preview]

On Screen red,CAPTION:[Tomu is the founder of the Dream Faith and is rapidly increasing his followers by making their dreams come true.]

On Screen red,CAPTION:[Hanako has come to Edo with dreams of becoming a dancer, but she is tricked by the Dream Faith.]