05x07 - Walkathon

[bunniefuu]

Everybody shut up! Right now,

please give your undivided attention to

Clark Cobb and his good friend

Socko.

Thank you, young students. I'm Clark Cobb

from Cobb's Family Hardware. Me and Sako

here want to tell you about the Christian

Businessman's Annual Charity Case

Walk-a-thon. Mr. Cobb, is it

true that Jesus invented the walk-a-thon

when he walked out onto the Sea ofGalilee?

That's right, Sako.

Sako's great.

Sako's got a hand up his butt

When I look out

into your eyes,Uh ohI

think it's one of those TV preachers.

Damn it, Beavis. Better not send them all

our money again. Oh yeah. It's

like, sometimes I can't help it. It's

like, if they're going, I know that's

right, yeah. Hallelujah. Before you

know it, it's like, I'm on the phone like

saying, Yeah, yeah, here's all my money.

Yeah, but it's like, you send them all

your money and then you're still just a

dumbass with a lot of problems. Oh yeah.

Hey, you're right. Dammit! You're whipped

off!

Elvis is in our jeans?

Yeah. YeahHe put a chick this up.

Elvis has left my jeans!

Dammit, Beavis, if you pull down your

pants one more time, I'm gonna beat the

living crap out of you. Okay.

Now you're mud. You're mud.

Hey, Beavis, while you were fiddling with

your wiener, I think you said that Elvis

is like in Joan Riveress.

Uh.. Whoa, really?That'd

be cool. Can we talk?

I've got Elvis inside me! Beavis,

that doesn't sound anything like her. Oh.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Yeah, buddy, go-karts! Yeah,

go-karts rule. When I'm

old, instead of a car, I'm gonna have a

go-kart. Yeah.

Hell,

man! Ow! We're gonna beat you, my ready

butt and make it stop! You dumbassOw! You

gotta pace yourself.

Hello, boys. Uh, learning how to drink

from a cup, Beavis?Shut up.

Diarrhea. How come you guys aren't out

collecting pledges for the walkathon?Uh,

pledges?The way you raise money in a

walkathon is you get people to pledge

money for every mile you walk.

People give you X amount of money if you

walk Y number of miles.

You get people to pay you to walk. Cool.

Why didn't you just say so?So will you

guys pledge for me?Uh, OK.

Like, how much?How's a

quarter a mile sound?Uh, two

quarters of a mile?Seventy-five cents.

I just said that, dumbassOK,

a dollar. Beavis

and Butthead, $10 a mile

each. Hey, uh, don't you

have to, like, do something for us now?

OK, fair is fair. For every mile you

walk, I'll pledge a nickel for you guys

to split. OK.

Great. See you at the walk-a-thon.

What's so funny?We just totally ripped

her off.

Ohh And finally, folks, let me say

this. Each step you take is like a kick

in Satan's keister. You ready, psycho?

On your mark, get set,

go!

That sucked. Yeah. They

didn't even use a g*n. That's okay, dude,

'cause we're gonna be rich. Yeah.

Charity is cool.

This sucks. There's too many people

watching. Yeah.

Let's go this way.

Walking sucks. Yeah.

I don't understand what all this walking

crap has to do with making money. Yeah,

really. Uh,

we must be close to that 10 mile mark by

now.

Good job boys, you made it. Your friend

Daria already gave me the fifty cents she

pledged you, so if you ante up the

hundred bucks apiece she pledged her,

we'll be all squared up. You two are fine

young people. Uh, could you like give

us our money now?Yeah, yeah, give us our

money. Don't tell me you boys weren't

planning to pay. I thought we ripped off

Daria, butthead.

Mars. When you play the Christian

Businessmen's Association for fools, you

play the Lord for a fool. Uh, could you,

like, shut up?Yeah. Now,

because I'm a Christian, I will not

strike you. But because I'm a

businessman, I will see to it that you

walk off this pledge at a rate of five

cents a mile between you. Now, let me

see. That would be 4,000 miles. You

better get started, boys.

Uhhhhhh.............

Uh.. This is kind of irritating. Yeah.

I bet this one little song that, like,

sucks right now, but then later on it

starts rocking. Uh..

How do you know?God, but one guy's got a

goatee. Uh.. Oh.

Well, let's see.

OhhIs that what you're

talking about, Beebus?What's going on?

What the hell is going on here?

Yeah, what...what is that?Da da da

da da da da da!

This is like that easy listening stuff.

Oh yeah, yeah how come they call that

easy listening when it's like like really

hard to listen to?It makes me sick!

Damn it, Beavis, you promised that this

would start rocking. I didn't promise,

but I said maybe it would start rocking.

Well, maybe I'm gonna smack you upside

the head. Well... Dumb assI'm

gonna kick your assI promise. Uh.. How

do these

guys suck so much?Yeah, they dress up

like they're gonna rock. But then they

just suck! Yeah.

These guys are like a cross between Stone

Temple Pilots and... And my

dad. Nelson and... And my buttBilly

Joel and like, uh.. And some

turds. Eddie Rabbit.

Rats are cool.

Somebody better call the orchid man.

Whoa! Candle! Candle. Candle. Candle.

Candle roll. yeah

Have you ever seen those alarm clocks

that they're like candles and you stick

them up your buttUh, I've never heard of

that, Beta. Yeah, yeah, it's like they

have all these times written on the side

and then you light it and sleep on your

stomach and then it like burns down to

the time. It's like, it gets on your butt

and you go... and then you wake up

and... Really?Yeah, I'll show you one. My

uncle has a whole bunch of them. He

usually gives me one for my birthday.

that's the guy that works at Maximart. Oh

ohh yeah. He's cleaning out the

Slurpee machine. Get

me a large horchata. Horchata in a blue

wackadoo.

This chick is psycho. Yeah, like, you

know, like she's pretty hot, but it's

like, I don't know, man, I might

stay away from her. Yeah,

it's like she's got a nice body and

everything. But if you went out with her,

she'd probably like. Put a rat's head on

your bed or something. That wouldn't be

so bad if you said you'd probably chop

off your wiener too. Oh yeah.

You don't want to get involved with a

chick who has like a whole bunch of pets.

They get all psycho.

If I ever catch that dude who like

invented the walkathon,

I'm gonna kick his assI

thought Charity was supposed to, like, be

for free. How about less

talking and more walking, boys?You're

gonna finish this job even if it takes

you till the second coming. Charitysucks.

Whoa, this looks like that cops show.

Yeah, really, it's like... One Adam



chick standing in the road acting like a

dumbassWe're gonna need backup, come on.

Uh, roger, One Adam 5.

Strip her down naked and bring her to me.

That's a 10-4, good buddy, we got to...

Come on. That's

pretty cool, David. You could probably be

a cop. I think it's like,

in my blood, 'cause like... I heard my

dad was like, in the Navy or something...

He's

like, one of those dudes that's like

really intense all the time. It's like,

he wears earrings and stuff and like,

sometimes it's pretty cool but sometimes

you just like go, Settle down, dammit!

Yeah. Guys like this, like, they

always come into Burger World telling you

why meat's bad for you and stuff. Oh

yeah, yeahBut it's like, I always tell

them... If meat's bad for you, then how

come it's food?Yeah, really?Yeah, see,

that's a good point. Then I tell him to

get the hell out of my restaurant.

This looks like that dude from from that

movie, Smell of a Woman. Oh, yeah, yeah

You know, he was like blind and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, hoo-ha! Hoo-ha!

Hoo-ha!He's a good actor.