05x01 - Held Back

[bunniefuu]

All right, what's sqrt 9?

Beavis and Butthead. Do you know the

answer?

Hmm Can you, like, repeat the

question a few times?The square root

of the number 9. Answer

pronto. Um,





LMNOP.

I agree with him, boys. Your difficulties

in math, as well as every other class,

make it clear that you just don't belong

in the 9th grade. I'm calling the

principal of Wilson Elementary School to

arrange for you both to go back one

grade. So, like, what

grade would that put us in?Yeah, are we

gonna, like, be in college?

That would be cool. Yeah, then we'd

score. Enjoy

your new school, boys.

It is in these hills that Juan Valdez and

his trusty goat gather coffee beans every

morning. Yeah.

I can

make a face like that. Check this out.

That wasn't very good, Bucket. That

was scary, man. Yeah, that scared the

bejesus out of me. Aw.

Yeah.

Black hole, son... Black

hole?Hole?

Black hole?Hey, Butter, what is

a black hole?Uh.. It's sort of like a

bunghole but it's like... Well, Butter,

check it out! That's a tick from Whale,

remember?That hobo slumping hobo slot,

uh.. Remember?Shut up, Beavis, I was

explaining something. Oh, okay. So,

like, the black hole is like this

giant bunghole in outer space?

It's like it sucks up the whole universe,

and then it's like it grinds it up and

like sends it all to hell or something.

Whoa, really?That's cool. So like,

um, how do you know all this stuff?I'm

watching Star Trek, bunghole

This sucks. Yeah. Why do we have to like

go back to eighth grade to get to college?

Cancel out the common factors and we have

x equals 2 squared. So X

is obviously... Have you

ever, like, been with an older man?

Leave me alone, you loser.

Loser. Shut up, dillhole.

Butthole Excuse me. Are you paying

attention back there?

Uh.. no. What did I just say

X is?

Two squared. Uh..

Two squared?Two to the

second power?

Four plus five?Come on. Four added

to five?Um.. W?

No way, Beneva. Uh.. too

squared or something. This desk is giving

me a stiffyUghI don't even

have room for a stiffyThis sucks.

Hey, beavers. These chicks are

flat. Yeah.

So the mean, grumpy bear

turned into a nice, happy bear.

And he lived happily ever after with the



one. Numbers suck. Are

you angry, Butthead?Yeah. I'm, like,

angry at numbers. Yeah. There's, like,

too many of them and stuff. That's

OK. It's all right to be angry.

Everyone gets angry sometimes.

Well. Let's do some coloring now. Won't

that be fun?Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah,

coloring! Yeah! What's with you dumbass

Coloring sucks.

Who wants juiceand cookies. Yeah.

YeahThese cookies suck. Do you have any,

like, nachos?No, I don't have any

nachos, sorry. And I don't like

spitting. Spitting can spread germs.

Germs, germs, germs, germs, ham.

Either get these imbeciles out of my

class or get yourself a new kindergarten

teacher. Well, I could try sending them

back to preschool, but eventually they'd

come back through here.

Why don't you, like, put us in a higher

grade?You know, where the chicks have big

thingies?Yeah, yeah, me too.

See what I mean?Yes, I see.

Hey, these boys just gave me an idea.

You're looking at the brightest students

that have ever passed through the

hallowed halls of Wilson Elementary

School. Yeah.

Break game up. Whoa, check it out,

butthead. There's a tick back there in

that window. I think he's naked. Shut up,

Diva. No, she's not. Okay.

Okay

Hey Beavis, like I said, he hears dark

voices in his head. Oh really?

I hear voices too. But like, usually

they're white guys. Sometimes it's like,

you know, a Chinese dude too that talks

to me. A couple of Mexicans.

Really?What does the Chinese

guy say?Um, he says, Pull down your

pants! I think you're a monkey!

What does the white guy say?Um, the same

thing, but it's like, he got just likeme.

Yeah, Yeah here we go, yeah, come on,

come on, hit it, hit it, come on, smash

it! Smash it, come on, come on, what are

you waiting for?Smash it! Settle down,

Beavis. This was a video.

Anytime you see a cake and a baseball bat

in the same video, the cake's gonna get

its a*s kicked. Yeah, but why you waiting

so long?Come on, come onBreak it! Break

it! Smash it! Come on! Come on Damn it!

Where's the cake?Where's that damn cake?

Let me see it. You dumbass

Break it. Yeah. I

don't see what the big deal is about

breaking up. I just like say, Hey, baby,

get lost. You know, they can like still

do it and stuff, but, uh, I'm gonna have

to ask you to leave. Hey, hey, shut up!

Shut up!Yeah! Yes!

See?I told you, butt monster. Yes!

Break it up! Stop, pupils, my a*s

These two boys are morons!

You just weren't reaching them. They've

learned everything they're going to learn

in elementary school. Now their young

minds need room to grow. So we graduated

them early, and we're not taking them

back. Uh

You just weren't reaching us, dude. Yeah,

yeahAnd if you try reaching for us, I'll

kick you in the nab. Oh,

for crying out loud.

Hey, maybe they'll break it. Oh,

yeah.

Uh huhWhat?What What's

going on?

This song, it's like, it sounds like

everything else sounds like right now.

Yeah, it's like, it's like there's about

a bazillion bands that like sound exactly

like this right now. Yeah. At

least they're breaking stuff.

Whoa, they're putting honey on grapes?

Yeah, yeahThat's cool.

Remember that movie where they buried

that guy up to his neck, and then like

put honey on him and brought out the ants?

Yeah. So that was cool.

Yeah.

I tried that once, but it's like, it's

like I buried myself up to my neck, and

it's like I forgot to get the honey.

DumbassSo then I dug myself out.

It's like I was too lazy and I'm like,

you know, do it again. Yeah.

Remember that time I tried to bury you up

to your neck?Yeah, but you get it wrong.

The guy in the movie was like feet first.

Oh yeah. Then you got all freaked out and

ran up and down the street with your

pants around your ankles. I didn't really

run, I just kinda hopped. Cool.