05x36 - Bang the Drum Slowly Dumbass

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- Hey. Hey, Butt-Head.

Where are we?

I think we're lost.

- Cool. Maybe we'll be on the news.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would rule.

[chuckling]

Whoa. Did you hear that?

- What is it?

[rhythmic thumping]

[both chuckling]

- Beavis, Butt-Head.

What a happy coincidence.

We were just rapping about the need

to recruit new members for our men's group.

Would you like to join us?

- Uh, no.

- Yeah, really.

I'm not gonna join any men's group unless it's got,

like, chicks in it and stuff.

- Come on, guys.

It's a really super way to express

your masculinity in a nurturing,

all-male environment.

- With no women around, we're free to be ourselves

without fear of seeming sexist or offensive.

- And we let off some steam to avoid channeling

our male anger towards women into greed, destructiveness,

or other male problem areas.

- And that's important, especially today

as we men wrestle with our manhood.

- Beavis wrestles with his manhood.

- Yeah.

I usually win. [both chuckling]

- That's okay, 'cause we all must fight our own demons.

That's why these monthly drum banging sessions are so--

- You get to bang a drum?

- Sure. - Cool!

[snickering]

This is gonna be cool.

[snickering]

- Hi, I'm Gary. - Hey, how's it going?

- Hi, I'm Pete.

- Hi, Phil. Nice to meet you.

- Hi, I'm Beavis.

[Jill Sobule's "I Kissed a Girl"]

These houses look fake, Butt-Head.

- Of course they do.

That's, like, the whole point of college music--

to, like, make the suburbs look bad.

- ♪ Such a hairy behemoth she said ♪

- Did you hear that, Butt-Head?

She said hairy behemoth.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah.

- What does that mean?

- You don't know?

- I thinking maybe it had something to do with stool.

[giggling] Poop!

- Damn it, Beavis, shut up.

There are these two chicks that kiss in this video,

and I don't want you talking about stool.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right.

- ♪ We had a drink ♪

♪ We had a smoke ♪

♪ She took off her overcoat ♪

♪ I kissed a girl ♪

- [exclaims] Butt-Head!

She said she just kissed a girl!

- Damn it, Beavis. I know.

That's what I was trying to tell you

when you were talking about stools.

- Wow. Look at that. Oh.

Maybe they'll show it.

This is gonna be cool.

[both chuckling]

- Whoa, that's hairy behemoth.

- Boy, this is turning out to be pretty good.

- You know, when I see two girls kissing,

it kind of gives me a special feeling.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me too.

Kind of makes me wanna make a stool.

[chuckling]

- Damn it, Beavis, you are messed up.

[both chuckling]

♪ And we'll have our pearls ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I kissed a girl ♪

- Oh, she said it again!

She said she kissed a girl again!

Did you hear that?

- You have to do a lot more than that

if you wanna be a thespian.

♪ And I may do it again ♪

♪ I kissed a girl ♪

- I like this part in here, after she says

she kissed a girl, where it goes--

[humming]

- If there were two chicks right here making out,

you'd probably just go--

[whirring noises]

Talk about stools and stuff.

- Yep, sit back, watch a couple chicks make out,

and talk about stools. [chuckles]

[drum beating]

- Uh, this sucks.

- Actually, it can be quite therapeutic, Butt-Head.

Here, why don't you take out some of that aggression

on the drum?

- And let loose with your innermost thoughts.

- Uh, uh...

[drum beats] Uh, this sucks.

[drum beats]

Uh, this sucks.

Bunch of dumbass wussies hitting a stupid drum.

[chuckling] [drum beating]

- Um, good, Butt-Head.

You tapped into some genuine emotions there.

And I think we can all relate to what you're saying.

- Uh, you can?

- Sure, we can.

It really doesn't suck that you had the courage

to say "this sucks."

- We're hearing you loud and clear, brother.

- That sucks.

- Okay.

Now it's your turn, Beavis.

Really try to get in touch with your inner male.

- No way.

Not with a bunch of dudes watching.

- Don't be shy.

Just hit the drum and say what's on your mind.

- Um. Oh, yeah.

Okay.

[single drum beat] Whoa. That's pretty cool.

[drum beating] [chuckling]

- [chuckling] [drum beating]

- Okay, Beavis, now let that wild man within

put his feelings into words.

- Yeah. - We're with you, brother.

- It's like, I like wanna check out chick's thingies.

I wanna see their thingies. But they won't let me.

And that just makes me wanna check them out even more.

- We feel your male pain.

- I feel like I'm never gonna score.

Chicks don't wanna talk to me.

I'm like, I wanna go up and say,

"Hey, baby, how's it going?"

And then they just, like--they just go away.

And then they slap me.

- I can identify with that, I guess.

- And sometimes I just wanna get a big bulldozer.

And I just wanna, like--

I just wanna, like, bulldoze the wall

to the girls' locker room.

That way I can see their boobs.

- That would be cool.

- Like, I know they're naked inside there.

And I just can't stand it. - Hmm.

- And then--and then I wanna take the bulldozer,

and like, I wanna bulldoze the cafeteria,

too, and then the library.

And I wanna destroy all the books.

And then I wanna go to the principal's office

and bulldoze the principal's office, too.

Bulldozers rule.

- I think someone's inner warrior needs

to go back to basic training.

- Then maybe I'll never tear down the girls locker room.

- Maybe you need professional help, Beavis.

- I'm never gonna see a chick naked ever.

- Somebody take that damn drum away from him.

- What the hell are you teaching these kids

of yours anyway?

- You know, the guys at the gym were right.

You are a pantywaist.

- And you said this was a way to recapture

the spirit of Woodstock?

Woodstock, my a*s.

- Wait a minute, guys.

That kind of old-fashioned male aggressiveness

is never the solution.

- And that would suck. - Yeah.

- That would suck.

- This sucks.

[chuckling] [drum beating]

- Oh, no.

[Pavement's "Rattled by the Rush"]

- Oh, no. It's another one of these.

[chuckles] - [gagging]

- They need to try harder.

- Yeah, yeah, it's like they're not even trying.

[imitating wailing]

Come on. Hey, come on.

I want you to start over again,

and this time, try.

[both chuckling]

Come on, let's go. Pick it up.

Come on. Come on. Here we go. Come on.

One, two, three, four, yeah, come on.

Come on, rock.

- ♪ Waiting to spar ♪

♪ I'm drowning for your thirst ♪

- This is just horrible.

- If you're gonna be horrible, at least, like,

you know, kick a*s.

You know, like-- like, Jesus Lizard.

I mean, they suck, but they kick a*s.

- I think these guys are just lazy.

- Yeah, yeah, really.

They're too lazy to rock.

And they're too lazy to clean the tub.

- These guys are so lazy, they probably

take a dump in the tub.

- Yeah, I do that sometimes.

[both chuckling]

Poop!

- You poop in the tub?

- Yeah.

And then sometimes I just pee all over the whole bathroom.

[both chuckling]

Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee!

[both chuckling]

- You're disgusting, Beavis.

- Yeah.

- Butt-Head, where's Beavis?

- Uh, I don't know.

[drum beating]

- If I get the crane with a wrecking ball

and the bulldozer, one of those really nice shovels,

and an ice pick and a backhoe and a forklift

and a front-end loader and a combine and, um,

oh, yeah, and a getaway car and some rubbers,

only then will I score.

And that's about it.

Oh, yeah, and some boobs.

Um, your turn, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head?

Butt-Head?

It's your turn. Come on.

Uh-oh.

[Sugar Ray's "Mean Machine"]

[energetic rock music]

- Uh, this sounds like "Wipe Out."

- I think this is--

I think this is butt "Wipe Out."

You know?

[both chuckling]

Is that a--is that a wiper?

Butt "Wipe Out."

Butt "Wipe Out."

- Check it out, they do this really cool dance

coming up here.

- Oh, really? Cool.

Is that it?

- No, that's just hockey.

- ♪ I'm eatin' up the lanes, I gotta find Sugar Ray ♪

- Uh, I think they're singing about a car.

- Yeah, yeah, see, now that's pretty cool.

If I had a really cool car, I'd sing about it, too.

Like maybe...

♪ My car is really fast ♪

♪ It kicks a lot of a*s ♪

♪ It runs on gas ♪

♪ I drive it on the grass ♪

- There it is. See?

Isn't that cool?

- What's cool about it?

- It's like, they're all doing it together.

That's cool.

- Do you think it's cool when dudes

dance together, Butt-Head?

- Uh-- - Yeah.

- Damn it, Beavis. Just shut up.

[both chuckling]

- Hey, Butt-Head, would you like to dance?

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪