04x11 - Baja 1000

[bunniefuu]

I've tried to kiss and tell, but I've been
seen with far up.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field and
gone past with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building,
ain't

Redfoot such a star.

I've

never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out.

Cheryl Teague's blown up for Rockin'
Welch.

But when I wind up in New
York... Hey, it's only hey.

Hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge or
Tarzan...

I still don't understand why you called.

You got it into your head that because we
take big bets, we also take big risks.

I don't gamble, Oscar.

I let other people do the losing.

Is this about a bet I took?

Very good.

Yes, it is about a bet.

You took $50,000 from Del Loomis.



Against Colt Seavers, winning the Baja


That's right.

Colt Seavers is a Hollywood stuntman.

He may be the best stunt driver in the
world.

He wins and we lose a cool half million.

Now the only thing you
can do now is make sure,

damn sure, that he never
crosses that finish line.

Sure.

Okay.

Bring him in.

About time.

What's going on?

I want you to look at something.

Now pay attention.

The storm that was threatening the area
earlier...

Mr. Montoya, could you describe for our
viewers the actual procedure of the race?

Certainly.

The Baja 1000 takes two days, with
competitors stopping at designated

checkpoints for food and refueling along
the way.

Would you say that the Baja is the worst?

Is it the world's most difficult off-road
race?

Well, it's certainly one of the most
grueling.

More than 1,500 kilometers over some of
the world's toughest terrain.

Desert, sand dunes, rivers, you name it.

Baja is a dry, desert-y peninsula just
west of Mexico and south of California.

The race starts from Ensenada in the
north.

Drivers then race predetermined
legs of the course before

stopping for rest and food
at designated checkpoints.

The race ends 1,000 miles to the south in
the little town of La Paz.

Thank you, Mr. Montoya.

Thank you, ma'am.

You're a race driver.

Maybe the best on the off-road circuit.

I want you to enter the Baja 1000 and win.

I race for money.

All you win at Baja is a trophy.

It's pretty, but it don't pay the bills.

You win, and you get 20,000 in cash and a
chance to get even.

Get even?

With who?

Colt Sievers.

I believe he arrested you once.

After you skipped bail.

Sievers is racing at Baja?

That guy cost me three years of my life
and 200 Gs.

I

never even touched a button.

Well, it must be defective.

Where did you get that detonating device?

Army surplus.

Only the best for you guys.

Look at it.

It's been used a hundred times.

Oh, once or twice, but then only by the
finest Army experts.

Should have known, just like everything
else on this picture.

Colt, do you know how much a new one of
these costs?

No, but I know what an old one costs.

Look at my truck.

Don't worry about that.

Insurance will cover it.

What a spectacular piece of film.

I'm gonna write it into the script.

Oh, come on.

I gotta talk to you about this second unit
work.

You will just absolutely love it.

Hey, I don't have to really say these
lines.

These are stupid.

Come on.

Don't take it so hard.

That stunt didn't go wrong because of
anything we did.

It has nothing to do with the stunt.

Oh, I know.

It's working on this stinko picture for
scale.

It's a standard Dell Loomis production.

There's nothing we can do about it.

Colt feels obligated to the guy.

It's not that either.

It's men.

Men?

Yeah, I've had it with them.

They're all the same.

What's with Pearl?

Eh.

Falling out with our lead, eh?

Yeah, another egotistical jerk.

Why can't I meet somebody who's different
for once?

Hey, you kids.

I got good news.

Better than the motel with no hot water?

Better than no paycheck till the picture's
finished.

I love it.

You guys never lose your sense of humor.

Dell wants you and me to enter the Baja


Well, that's one of the toughest off-road
races in the world.

What for?

Well, while the guys are
driving a dune buggy across the

desert, you and I are gonna
be up in the air filming it.

It's gonna give the picture the added
punch I need.

I don't know, kid.

What do you say?

I don't know.

Might be fun.

You got to.

And if I don't?

I just know you'll come through for me.

Hey, I'm not pressuring you.

I mean, any other guy in my
position would have reminded

you that he gave you your
first job in the business.

But not me.

I ever tell you guys about that?

Twice.

Well, Colt was bagging groceries.

He knew I made movies.

So he came over to me, he said he wanted
to be a stuntman.

I said, hey, why not?

He thought it was gonna be easy as falling
off a log.

Well, little did he know, but the very
next day, that's what I had him doing.

Of course, who could tell that that one
little job was gonna launch Colt's career?

But that's all ancient history.

Well, you gonna do it or not?

I don't know, Del.

I was looking forward to laying on the
beach a couple of days.

Are you serious?

When you could be thundering across the
desert with the wind blowing in your face?

Well, you can hear the high-performance
engine in your ears.

You can get the smell of gasoline in your
nostrils.

Yeah, Colt, how can you possibly compare
sipping a margarita on the beach with that?

Besides, I already signed you guys up,
paid your fee.

Here's your registration.

Colt, you're a prince.

I will never forget this.

He's a prince!

Tell me, somewhere in the middle of all
that, did you hear me say yes?

Jody, see if you can round me up some more
coffee, huh?

Sure.

All drivers present your race registration
to the inspection official.

I'll see you later.

Seavers?

Earl Monroe, remember?

Well, now, how could I forget?

Cold, rainy days, I limp.



$200,000 and 1,000 days.

Now, Earl, you stole the money.

All I did was return it.

And you.

I don't care how you see it.

You owe me.

You ain't gonna win this race.

Well, that's right.

Because I ain't even gonna try.

At the end of the day, I am out.

Uh-huh.

You'll be out way before that.

I'm

staying over in San Ignacio, and they will
leave in the morning approximately at the

same intervals in which they were clocked
in.

Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Once the course is set, there are no
interruptions.

Can I bum some of your coffee?

I'm afraid I don't drink coffee.

You know, it's very bad for you,
unbalances the system.

May I offer you some herb tea?

I think you'll find it very satisfying.

Yeah, sure.

Good.

Boy, you come prepared.

Preparation is the anchor in the sea of
determination.

Right.

That's what I always say.

Oh.

You a driver?

I see myself more as a passenger.

True state of driver can never be really
attained.

You know what I'm saying?

All right, we're all set.

Uh, Howie, this is... I
don't know your name.

I'm sorry.

You mean my transitory designation.

Joshua.

Joshua.

Howie Munson.

Uh, my transitory, which of the jigger is
Jody?

I know this sounds crazy, but...

I find myself very drawn to you.

See, you seem to be very much my opposite,
very yin to my yang.

I can see you just like all the rest.

Yeah, but you see, that's the point.

That's the point.

We're all the same.

And yet we're all different.

That's right.

We're all travelers on life's highway.

It's just that we're in separate lanes.

You two from the same fraternity?

What a beautiful girl.

Yeah.

I wish we could get to Seavers' dune
buggy.

Save ourselves a lot of trouble.

When the drivers aren't around,
we'll keep guards posted.

Don't worry.

One way or another, Seavers won't win this
race.

Come on.

Let's get this checkpoint.

Your attention, please.

Spectators are advised to remain in the
viewing areas only.

I need some good shots of you and the
buggy.

Out in the front.

You really give it all you got.

Well, I'll try.

Shouldn't you be up in the air?

Oh, no.

I don't need the start.

Just you in the lead.

Okay, I'll do my best.

I know you will.

We'll wait till the field thins out,
then we'll hit them.

Starter engine!

If you

didn't listen, they're heading south.

South down the Baja Peninsula in one of
the longest treks in off-road racing cars.

Only the best and most experienced drivers
in this race.

This is Meredith McCray.

Here at the first checkpoint a quarter
into the race, this year's Baja 1000 is

already turning out to be an exciting
event.

Six drivers have dropped out due to
mechanical difficulties.

The lead in the dune buggy
category is currently being

held by stuntman turned
race car driver, Colt Seavers.

Damn, there's Seavers.

And first, Seavers man didn't deliver.

We gotta make other plans.

It was all a mistake.

I lost control of the car.

I feel real bad.

Oh yeah, you lost control?

He rammed us.

No, boys, there's no need to exaggerate.

You're in first place.

Well, perhaps it seemed more threatening
than it actually was, huh?

Yeah, perhaps it was.

Well, it doesn't matter.

We'll be out of this soon.

Go sign the sent kit.

You know, Seavers, for three years I've
been thinking about you.

Every day.

I'm glad I missed you out there.

Because now I'll have the pleasure of
crying again.

Well, the way you drive, you should have
that pleasure a lot.

Go ahead.

Make the jokes.

We'll see what laughs last.

I'd even do this for free.

Let's go, Earl.

See you on the course.

Free.

I'm getting

out of this race.

It's the nicest thought I've heard in
years.

I wonder if Bill and Jody are all right.

I'm sure they're okay.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys.

Magnificent driving.

Truly inspirational.

Guess who doesn't have the money for a
chopper?

A minor trifle.

I'll have enough to pay for one just as
soon as you win the race.

When you win the race, I'm only in this
today to be filmed.

What?

I miss a golden opportunity to win mucho
bucks?

That'd be crazy.

Besides, I need some of this money to pay
the salaries on the film, including yours.

Our salaries?

What are you worried about?

Don't worry.

You're a shoe-in.

I might even have enough left over to fix
Colt's truck.

What do you mean, my truck?

You said insurance would cover it.

Yeah, I did.

I meant yours.

Hey, Colt, I'm doing you a favor.

By paying for your truck, I'm keeping your
insurance premiums for going sky high.

You ought to head back right now.

Oh, no.

That wouldn't make sense.

Besides, you're halfway in.

I'm only a quarter in.

Half a quarter.

What's the difference?

Bill, tell me something honestly,
if you can.

Why would somebody pay to have me taken
out?

Pay?

That's what Earl Monroe said.

I don't know.

The truth, Del.

That is the truth.

So help me.

Come on, kid.

Go ahead.

Drink it.

It's free.

Why?

Why do I do it?

Why do I let him sucker me like this?

Because you're a loyal guy.

I haven't forgotten that he gave you your
start.

Yeah, but he reminds me of it every 20
minutes.

Yeah, I know.

God.

Well, do you want to
get started back now or

do you want to take
a little siesta first?

Owie, my truck wasn't covered for being on
that movie set.

It wasn't?

No.

If you don't get paid for this picture,
I haven't got this month's house payment.

You don't?

Colt, you're not trying
to tell me that you

want to continue on
with this race, are you?

Kid, I'm real proud of you.

You can read between the lines.

Let's go.

How am I supposed to keep up with them?

I'm stranded.

Jody, Jody, Jody.

You're not stranded.

You're with me.

You're still with me, huh?

I'll get us a ride to the next checkpoint.

No, thanks.

I don't want to get involved in any
hijackings.

I take it you drive alone.

Don't we all?

Not anymore.

Yen needs a ride from Yang.

Well, I think I could remain in balance.

You know what I'm saying?

I'll take that as a yes.

You and me are going to back her up.

How?

I can't drive like that.

No, but you can fly.

With what I got in mind, we'll borrow the
starter's chopper, pick up some grenades,

and take care of them.

Must

have happened when Seavers hit us.

Yeah, really.

So, what's the trouble?

Fan belts busted.

What's it to you?

I have a spare.

You carry fan belts?

Yeah, sure.

This is unforgiving to those who aren't
prepared.

And you'll sell us one?

I will only give it to you.

I think you're making a big mistake.

Come on.

You'll help me together.

Why would you want to help us?

That's a good question.

I tell you, see, good deeds, it's like
they form a circle.

So it all comes back.

So, in fact, I'm helping myself.

It appears to have snapped from impact.

Were you in a collision?

Yeah, right.

A guy tried to take us out.

A rambus.

Likely story.

Pretty low, huh?

Yeah.

The act of a man who, oh yeah,
he may cross the finish line in front of

all the others, but who will never,
never ultimately win.

Finished?

No, Jody.

A finish is the signal for a new
beginning.

And that's great.

Great.

Great.

Not

the arty kind for eggheads, but real
entertainment for real people.

Maybe you've seen some of them.

t*rror1st the Hunter.

Desert Warlords.

.

I'm producing a movie right now.

In fact, you'd be perfect for the younger
sister.

No comprendo.

Hey, what looks like those, what does it
matter?

Hey, my guys!

Numero uno.

Congratulations.

Do it again tomorrow.

Sit down.

Let me buy you a drink.

No drinks.

We want answers.

All right.

Give me a question.

First, Earl Monroe tries to run us out of
the race.

Then someone from a helicopter just
happens to toss grenades on top of us.

Those are questions?

Why have people got it in for us?

Search me.

You're lovely guys, both of you.

Is it the purse?

Is it that big?

Are you kidding?

There isn't any... What do
you mean there isn't any purse?

How do you think we're gonna get paid?

It's a legitimate question.

I ain't gonna lie to you.

When I first heard there wasn't any cash
prize for this race, I was livid.

You're putting out all this effort just to
win a trophy.

So I went up to Vegas and I made a bet on
you.

Couldn't have.

There wasn't any time after we agreed to
it.

No, I made it for it.

I told you about it.

I had to get you to agree.

The casinos in Vegas will take a bet on a
race like this?

Well, it wasn't exactly a casino.

What exactly was it?

It was a private party named Cheever.

I know that name.

Lawrence Cheever, one of the biggest
bookies in Vegas.

He'll say you'd do anything to keep him
paying off a big school.

Are you gonna believe every little rumor
about a guy?

Well, you just lost yourself a driver.

Howie, would you excuse us a minute?

Colt, please, could I talk to you over
there?

Oh.

What is it?

Hey, look, I know I haven't been upfront
with you.

Del, you give new meaning to the word
understatement.

Now, look, I'm desperate.

I haven't had a successful picture in
years.

Between that and three ex-wives,
I'm tapped out.

I got no place to go.

I got nothing.

No more schemes.

No aces in the hole.

I got no place to turn.

If you leave me now, I'm ruined.

I'm washed up.

It's probably all bull.

You know, the old sympathy routine.

I just hope I'm not sorry I fell for it.

Good to see you.

Yeah, likewise.

You two run into any trouble out there?

Uh, slight transmission leak.

You know, it's funny.

It popped up right after we saw you two.

Don't tell me you carry extra gear oil,
too.

I tell you, there's no need when the
desert provides its own.

Aloe vera.

Very interesting stuff.

Natural lubricant, life force of the
cactus.

It's good for the complexion, too.

Yes.

.

.

The

stragglers are now leaving
Checkpoint Two, knowing all too well

that the leaders have an
insurmountable ten-hour advantage.

At Checkpoint Three, the
frontrunners are enjoying their lead

by catching their breath for
tomorrow's final ruling leg.

I really want to see a lot more of you.

I want to get to know you better.

Well, Jodi, I'd like that, too.

You know, I was gonna suggest
that we spend the evening

together, We were together,
but I didn't want to offend you.

No, I'm not offended.

I'd like to spend an evening with you.

I feel like we could really share a very
genuine intimacy.

Sounds good to me.

Did you feel

it?

I'll take your word for it.

I felt like we really made contact.

But we're not even touching.

I'm talking real contact.

I mean the touching of our souls.

Report to starting line in ten minutes.

Well, will you take a look at that?

Hey!

Hey, where you guys been?

You don't have to answer that.

Jody, you look terrible.

Excuse me, you're being deceived by your
outer self.

Inside, she's a beautiful butterfly
waiting to burst her cocoon.

What did he do to you?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

We stayed up all last night, and I mean
really communicated.

It's beautiful.

Can we have some breakfast?

I'm fasting today.

It'll be a joy to watch you eat.

Good morning.

He gets intimate without touching.

And he has breakfast without eating.

He makes you look normal.

Yoga offers primarily spiritual
enlightenment.

It offers many, many other benefits.

I mean, you feel better.

You look very better.

You have a feeling of wholeness,
of being.

Hold it right there.

What are you doing?

Shut up, fruitcake.

Get in the car.

Tell Severs that if he wins this race,
she's dead.

Hey, wait!

Leave me alone.

I'll go.

You gotta come with me.

They kidnapped Jody.

They said they're gonna k*ll her if you
win the race.

Where is she?

At the meatpacking plant.

Right over there.

Follow me.

Please let the police handle this.

Look, they'll probably have the whole
thing all...

That's what I thought.

Forget it.

Yeah, you're right.

Don't forget.

You got 11 minutes on Monroe.

Rescue Jody fast.

Ah, a little dinsky, Mike.

That puts me out.

Something tells me these guys will have
g*ns.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

We have the karmic edge.

Really?

That's reassuring.

Remember the Pacino picture we stunted?

Yeah.

But in it, the rescue attempt failed.

We'll do better.

Go on.

So how much owe you now?

Let's see.

Six hundred.

That's it.

That's just a fraction of the bonus you're
gonna get.

All right, freeze.

Don't thank us.

Thank him.

He led us to him.

How much time we got?

Earl's only got two minutes on us.

Come on.

We got a race to win, kid.

Last

leg of this race, which has taken the
competitors through the difficult southern

mountain regions back down into the
desert.

Now, with less than
three miles to go, it's an

incredible mad dash to
the finish line in La Paz.

The finish!

Just under a mile!

Fifty grand!

Not bad for two days work!

Wait a minute!

It's Seavers!

He's not getting by us!

Seavers,

you have to play second in record time.

Record time?

Wow!

Colt, did you hear that?

You guys must really be proud of
yourselves.

Wait a minute, you said second.

That's right.

Congratulations.

Who came in first?

He did.

Joshua?

Excuse us a minute.

Hey, Colt, can we get an interview with
you?

You got it, Meredith.

Just a second.

All right, guys, come on in.

Let's get set up.

Right here, okay?

I can't believe Joshua was able to beat
us.

Ah, don't take it so hard, kid.

Just remember, it's not the destination,
but the journey.

It's not the race, but how you run it.

Well, that's right, but
I'm surprised you can be

so zen about it, considering
how much we're out.

Well, philosophy doesn't come cheap.

Joshua, I gotta hand it to you.

I still can't understand how you managed
to win that race.

Well, Howie, if your spirit's turned up,
your engine's gonna follow.

Well, my spirits couldn't be worse.

Spent three weeks on a picture,
getting my truck all smashed up,

and all we end up with is a second place
trophy.

And the satisfaction of having tested your
limits.

How could I forget that?

Well, at least we don't
have to worry about Earl and

his chums being back on
the racing circuit tomorrow.

The racing authorities and the Mexican
police are coordinating an investigation.

Hi, everybody!

Del, if you've got another harebrained
scheme, go get yourself another pigeon.

Colt, you disappoint me.

Is that any way to talk to the man who
gave you your first break in the business?

No, but it's just fine for the man who
cost me my truck and maybe my house.

Is that all that's bothering you?

Well, that and not getting any salaries.

Well, weep no more.

Papa Del delivers!

Jody?

Howie?

Thank you.

Yeah, Colt.

I hope these are enough to take care of
your services.

What, two for me?

One for your truck.

Wait a minute, Del, I don't understand.

You said you put all your money into that
race.

I did.

But I hatched my bet, put two grand on a
kid.

Joshua?

Paid 80 to one!

All right!

Just one thing.

Don't cash him right away.

I use the money to finance my next
picture.

Oh.

Trust that circuit breaker.

You know that.

Honestly, I don't like going to gym.