02x06 - Yakko's Big Idea/Mouse Congeniality/Rejected Animaniacs Characters

[bunniefuu]

theme song playing ♪

- It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

And we're zany to the max ♪

So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

- Making gain-eys ♪

- Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

[click]

- Hey! A new episode of our new favorite

business show on the Business Channel!

- Oh! You mean the one where the guy goes

and helps people fix

their failing small business!

- No! That's on

the Small Business Channel.

This is where they pitch

their idea to billionaires,

and if it's bad, they get

dropped into a flaming pit!

- That's capitalism, baby!

tense music playing ♪

[ding]

- So, Gordon, pitch me.

I'm dreaming.

- You ever eat a baby carrot at

a rock concert and feel embarrassed?

I-I mean, how often do you find yourself

eating three to four baby carrots,

just to satisfy your carrot craving?

- So a regular-sized carrot?

[buzz]

[screaming]

- A touch indelicate,

but ultimately fair.

- Aw, I thought his idea

had real potential.

- Come on! I could pitch a better idea

than that off the top of my head!

And improv is the weakest

of my comedic disciplines.

- Improv is the weakest

of all comedic disciplines,

so this should be terrible.

- Alright then!

Let's see you do it.

- And it better be good!

[buzz]

♪

- Alright then.

But I gotta warn you.

This might be too groundbreaking.

I've got one, or possibly two,

words for you, sibs.

Exoplanets.

Space tourism!

Space tourism is the future!

Scientists are discovering

new exoplanets all the time.

You see

musical flourish begins ♪

- Here's your first note, sweetie.

[music ends]

Don't every single song

with the words "you see."

- Ahem. You see

musical flourish playing ♪

Not long ago, we didn't know ♪

If we were all alone ♪

Was there a dearth of other Earths ♪

In the Habitable Zone? ♪

Then the Kepler telescope

found new hope ♪

In the Milky Way ♪

So why not try the cosmic sky ♪

For your next holiday? ♪

In fact, there's one that's super fun ♪

Just a few light-years away ♪

Where one full year will disappear ♪

In 4.2 Earth days ♪

So if there's only one place ♪

You've got space and time to see ♪

Then be astounded

by the first we've found ♪

It's Planet Pegasi 51-B ♪

But before you go, you oughta know ♪

It's kinda tough to get around ♪

Because the planet's really gassy ♪

There's no land or solid ground ♪

[gasps]

Clouds of methane meet sulfuric rain ♪

And when those are combined ♪

The air that you'll be breathing there ♪

Will smell like gas of another kind ♪

Gas no good?

Alright, gas isn't everyone's cup of tea.

That's fine.

But what about one with aliens?!

Lady and gentle-boy,

I give you Kepler-186F!

[ding]

Okay, I jest, I kinda guessed ♪

Whether E. T. s are alive ♪

But this hip spot has got the lot ♪

For aliens to live and thrive ♪

If there's water here,

it's crystal clear ♪

And not too hot or cold ♪

And it may contain amazing veins ♪

Of pure and flawless gold! ♪

But its sun is dying and amplifying ♪

All the harmful cosmic rays ♪

And the planet's visage

is forever barraged ♪

With all these brutal gamma waves ♪

If any E. T. s were alive,

none would survive ♪

The radiation ♪

So it'd be astute

to pack a hazmat suit ♪

For this hot

new destination ♪

Okay, so the radiation's

also a deal breaker, is it?

Okay, well it's good to know.

Hm

Alright! I got it!

And at lucky last, you can't look past ♪

This place that shouldn't be missed ♪

It's always sunny,

there's magic puppies ♪

And homework doesn't exist ♪

The sailing's dandy, the ocean's candy ♪

You can fly a broom ♪

But do not fear because the atmosphere ♪

Will smell like sweet perfume ♪

And astronomers claim that video games ♪

Have been built into every crater ♪

Why not play Asteroids all day ♪

And order pizza from an alien waiter ♪

Or try a shopping spree

'cause everything is free ♪

And bedtime's not till 11 ♪

WB-1 ♪

The home of fun ♪

Well, come to ♪

Cosmic ♪

Heaven ♪

[dogs barking]

[sustains note]

[stops singing]

[ding]

- Magic puppies?

- Pizza?

- We're in!

- Sold!

- Question.

- sh**t.

- How do we get there?

- Aren't these planets

all billions of miles away?

- Oh Oh yeah.

Plus, I made that planet up.

But, you look like

the sort of fashionable folks

who would appreciate hair pants,

the only pants made from

the hair of balding men!

[thud, buzz]

Okay, okay. Maybe that's not for you.

I've got more!

Door of the Month Club!

A new door delivered

to your door every month!

[buzz]

Collapsible pitchfork!

For the rioter on the go!

[buzz]

Wireless kite! No! Wait!

[buzz]

Porcelain fish?

[buzz]

Pork yogurt!

All the meat at the bottom!

Stir and enjoy!

[buzz]

[Yakko groans]

[thunder cracks]

Pinky & The Brain theme song playing ♪

- Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder cracks]

♪

- They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius ♪

The other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

[zapping]

[yelling, grunting]

- Oh. Pinky! We're alive!

That was our greatest adventure yet

[slime whimpering]

- Remember the part

where the mutant robo-gorilla

with cannon hands had us cornered,

and you were like,

"Pinky! Cut the red wire!"

And I was like,

"But they're all red wires, Brain!"

And then the blast threw us through

a plate glass window in slow motion!

- You know, when our time machine

split reality into random sequences,

I thought it would make the saga

too confusing to follow.

But if anything,

the way the multiple timelines

tied together was even more satisfying

than a linear chronology!

- And the side story with

the octopus love interest

coming back at the end?

What a twist!

- I don't think we'll ever

top that one, Pinky.

The rest of our plan is positively

boring by comparison!

♪

Nonetheless, we'd best proceed.

As you know, the goal of that mission was

to retrieve these.

The blueprints for Chump Tower.

Every year, the former "president"

hosts a summit of world

leaders on the top floor.

Using the skyscraper's schematics,

I will infiltrate said

summit and release

[whirring]

this.

- [gasps] Chanel number six!?

[Brain grunts]

The rumors are true!

- This isn't some overpriced

eau du toilette,

you malodorous malcontent.

It's the most potent nerve

agent known to mankind.

I've spent years

harvesting the ingredients,

and I've still only gathered

enough for a single "shpritz"!

Even so, it should be enough to render

approximately 1,000 humans

entirely suggestible to

my command for five minutes!

Just long enough to

convince every world leader

to sign over their nations

to me, The Brain!

[maniacal laughter]

PINKY: Wait!

Your name's "The Brain?"

Oh, I've been calling you

just plain old Brain

for all these years!

I'm so sorry, Brain.

I-I mean, I'm so sorry, The Brain!

Wait! Am I The Pinky?

[beeping]

- All we need is an access point

to get inside Chump Tower.

I'd imagine a poorly secured

ventilation shaft should do the--

[beep]

No, it seems they're onto that.

Well, no matter. I'm sure

the sewers beneath will provide ample room

for a pair of rodents to sneakily--

[beep]

No, they've thought of that, too. Hm.

But, surely they haven't-- [gasps]

[beep]

Oh my. [sighs]

[beep]

It's completely impenetrable!

That entire ordeal was for nothing.

- Not nothing, Brain.

I got to meet my evil tether.

He was so nice.

- Oh, come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain?

What are we going to do-- Oh.

Actually, hm,

tomorrow night's no good for me, Brain.

The Miss Everything Pageant is on.

- You watch that archaic,

retrograde, sexist drivel?

Oh, Pinky. I thought you were woke.

- It's not drivel, Brain.

It's the only beauty pageant

which is classy enough

to be held at Chump Tower itself.

- Chump Tower!?

Come, Pinky! We haven't a second to lose!

♪

[squawking]

[women scream]

[indistinct chatter]

[bird squawking]

[screams]

[woman yells]

- Ah!

- You! Clipboard jockey!

I need to get inside.

- Official entrance only. Next!

- No, no, no! Wait! I am an official! Um,

uh, I'm a pageant coach.

Yes! That will do.

From the very tiny island nation of

Nanonesia.

- You and me both, pal. If you're a coach,

where's your contestant?

- Uh, my contestant? Well, she's, um, uh--

- Wowie, Brain!

You won't believe it!

They're giving out free cars

in the valet car park!

Blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

- She's right here.

- I don't hear a thing.

- I'd say she has the requisite intellect

for a competition such as this, yes?

- Hm

- You and me both, pal.

Alright, get inside you two.

- Do you always start your

sentences with that phrase?

- "You and me both, pal?" Yeah.

Cut off an actual witch in traffic,

and she put a curse on me.

[traffic noise, horns blaring]

WITCH: You and me both, pal!

[cackling]

[nervously laughs]

[women screaming, grunt]

[ding]

♪

- Miss China!

Nothing could be fine-a!

Miss France? May I have this dance?

[Miss France grunts]

Miss Bosnia and Herzegovina,

I would, but I've never been-a! [laughs]

Miss, uh, oh

N-Nanonesia?

We're on in an hour. [sighs] Make it work.

- But that one didn't even rhyme!

- One hour? How the devil am I

supposed to come up with a plan

to infiltrate the leaders' summit

on the top floor in one hour?

Listen to me, Pinky. I need you

to buy us more time.

You must survive these preliminary

rounds of the pageant,

or they're going to boot us out of here

before I can execute my scheme!

Now, I don't know much

about beauty pageants,

but I did absorb some lessons in

"paint by numbers glitz and glam"

from that Sandra Bullock movie

I half-watched on the plane.

Speed 2, Cruise Control.

- Okay, Brain.

With your love and support,

I'm sure I can do it!

- Yes, well, let's hope you

can do it regardless.

Pageantry is 90% confidence, Pinky.

I want you to remember

these three simple steps.

Spray, spruce, spritz.

A spray of the hair

a spruce of the bangs

a spritz of perfume.

I'm now mentally primed and ready

to put forward my best self.

Now, let's see you do it.

- 'Kay [breathes deeply]

Spray

spruce

spritz.

[gagging]

[screaming]

Ah!

[gasps]

[grunts]

Ah! Zort!

[muffled yell, whimper]

[muffled grunt]

[shaky yell, gasping]

[zapping]

[screaming]

[gasping]

[yelling]

♪

- Good gracious, I'm good.

- Spray

spruce spritz.

Let's win this!

Ah!

[thud]

I'm ok-- [grunts]

[sighs]

fanfare playing ♪

- And finally, Miss Nanonesia.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

- Oh, funny story.

I was actually just there,

and I was married to an octopus!

REGISTRAR:

You and me both, pal!

[sighs]

- It's still the best answer

we've had so far.

She's through.

- Congratulations, Miss Nanonesia!

[applause]

You're through to the final round!

♪

- I'll be joining you shortly,

world leaders.

I wonder what they're doing up there.

Something equal parts sophisticated

and nefarious, no doubt.

- [in Russian accent]:

Definitely Chris Hemsworth.

So, I guess I'd have to marry Chris Pratt,

and k*ll Chris Pine.

♪

Nyet! Don't actually k*ll him.

Is just game!

- Egad, Brain. The final round.

I don't know whether to narf or poit!

- Yes, Pinky, your performance has

been both adequate and passable.

- Oh! You really mean it?

- I do.

In making it this far,

you've bought me enough time

to formulate a plan

for reaching the leader's summit

on the top floor.

[beep]

I believe I'll be able to ascend

the glass exterior of Chump Tower

with these suction cups

I've fashioned out of

Miss Spain's contact lenses.

- Oh!

- You mean her eyes

aren't naturally purple?

- Next, I'll repel across

the series of chandeliers

using these climbing ropes I wove

from Miss Ethiopia's hair extensions.

- [gasps] But these have been ill*gal

since the Weave-Gate Scandal of '97!

- Finally, I shall enter

the sprinkler system

and swim upward through the pipes

[beeping]

until I reach the summit,

drawing oxygen from

this discarded lipstick canister.

- Um, no offense, Brain, but I don't know

if you've got the volume to

pull off a shade as red as

"Battle-Lip Potemkin."

[Pinky screams]

[body thuds]

[grunts]

- All I need you to do

is create a diversion,

so I can sneak out undetected.

♪

- Sure thing, Brain.

Oh, but just one thing.

What's a diversion? Oh no, no, no.

Is it like a B-side?

'Cause my record producer said my album,

Narf Side of the Moon,

is all B-sides!

And I have been meaning to drop

Poit Sounds soon, so

- No, Pinky. I need you to fail

the talent show segment

of the competition. Spectacularly.

- [gasps] Throw the talent show?

I won't do it, Brain. No. I refuse

to compromise my integrity.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the Crazy Frog song

isn't going to play itself

on the wine glasses.

HOST: And now,

presenting the musical improv stylings

of Miss Nanonesia as

DJ Baby Boom Boom!

[crowd cheering]

- I wonder what he thinks integrity means.

[muffled yell]

[glasses shattering]

[crowd gasps]

[glasses continue breaking]

♪

[grunting]

[yelling]

- Narf!

[straining]

[grunting]

[crowd gasping]

[grunting]

[laughs nervously]

[grunts]

[sighs]

[yells]

[creaking]

- Nyah!

[laughs nervously] Phew.

♪

[water flowing]

[beeping]

[grunting]

[beeping]

[metallic banging]

[beeping]

[water rushing]

♪

[screaming]

h* h*! A pride of Presidents,

Prime Ministers,

and pot-bellied Parliamentarians

primed for the plucking!

[inaudible]

I've done it! Now,

I'll need you all to sign

this deed transferring control

of your nations.

Form a long line.

Something I'm sure you're

well-practiced in, Maduro.

[laughs] Got him.

[glass shatters]

Now, there shouldn't be

Oh right. The nerve agent.

My apologies.

I command thee to forfeit your nations

to I, The Brain!

Or is it just "I, Brain?" Hm.

The Pinky really got

inside my head.

[laughter]

What the-- [sniffs]

Lilac? Rose water?

A hint of sandalwood?

This is Pinky's perfume! But that means

I must've mixed up the vials!

- And the winner of

the Miss Everything Pageant is

- Oh Oh dear. I almost forgot.

Spray

spruce spritz!

Oh, please be me! Please,

make me Miss Everything! I really,

really, really, really want to win!

- Miss [sniffing]

[robotic]:

Nanonesia.

[crowd cheering]

- Yes!

- No!

♪

[laughing, crying]

- Thank you!

- Oh!

- Brain! I did it! After all these years,

I finally achieved my goal

of becoming the most beautiful

human woman on the planet!

♪

- Come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why? What are we gonna

do tomorrow night?

Oh! Miss Teen Everything?

And before you say I'm too old to enter,

I'm only three!

- No, Pinky. The same thing

we do every night.

Try to take over the world!

Uh oh.

- Oh! The needlework on that sash

is to die for, darling!

You simply must give me

the name of your seamstress!

[whirring]

[screaming]

♪

♪

- Hi there. A lot of you

have written in to ask

why Animaniacs doesn't

have more new characters.

- The truth is we come up with

new characters all the time,

but most of them never

make it on the show.

- That's right, Dot.

And it's not because they're bad.

- It's because they're terrible.

- So, sit back and get uncomfortable.

Here are our first two

scrapped characters,

Mime and Meme.

[beep]

'80s sitcom-like theme ♪

[beep]

- Meme and Mime, Mime and Meme ♪

Unlikely friendship, unstoppable team ♪

One trained in France ♪

One's made by teens ♪

Meme and Mime ♪

Mime and Meme ♪

[beep]

[buzzer]

- You're welcome, America!

- I thought that show had legs,

and I liked that 'cause so do I.

- This next one has

something to do with a butterfly

or something. Roll it!

[beep]

♪

[gasping]

[beeping]

[crying]

- Hey!

Why don't you get off your phone,

and look where you're going?

- I'm sorry. I'm just a

social butterfly!

[grunts]

So hangry.

Just ate the outer casing

of my gestation shell.

[beeping]

#hungergames.

- You're young and beautiful and alive!

[typing, beeping]

Why you gotta look at

that phone all the time?

- OMG!

That was a total trigger

without a warning.

- Here's another one, sweetheart!

[buzzer]

- I can't believe people

got paid to draw that.

- And people got paid to

draw us making commentary

about how people got paid to draw that.

- It is a Möbius strip of mediocrity.

- I liked the old lady.

- Wakko, your comments

are almost as useless

as our next batch of rejected characters.

[beep]

- Well, we finally did it.

We've gone completely paperless.

Even the toilet paper is digital now.

[man whimpering]

♪

- Oh no!

The humans don't need us anymore.

- What are we gonna do?

- Uh, uh, guess we gotta

start a band.

punk rock music ♪

[buzzer]

- Wow! That took a weird turn.

- Yeah! I thought the binder

would be on bass.

- Well, you know what they say.

One man's trash is also our trash.

- Ooh! Is that the emoji for movie?

- Yes, sir. It's a film reel.

We're using it to create

the illusion of artistic integrity.

- "Flooded by global warming,

the North Pole must evolve.

"This Christmas, only one man

will decide who's naughty

or nice: Aqua-Claus."

[beep]

♪

[g*nf*re]

[roaring]

[snarls]

- h* h*, hope you can swim!

- Oh bah humbug.

[screaming]

- Looks like sea levels

aren't the only thing rising.

h* h* h*!

[bells jingling]

[buzzer]

[distraught yelling]

- I gotta know what happens to Aqua-Claus!

Does he save Christmas?

- Yeah! I actually liked that one!

- Well, that just goes to

show how difficult it is

to meet the high standards

we've set on Animaniacs.

- Characters that make it

into the show must be

dynamic, relatable, and also complex.

- Like me! I'm always hungry!

- And I yak?

- And I'm a girl!

- Well, that's it for now.

- Tune in next time when we have

another five minutes to k*ll,

and we'll show you other

rejected characters like

Gerry Mander, the salamander.

[buzzer]

WAKKO: Juan Percent, the salsa tycoon.

[buzzer]

YAKKO: And Pinocchio the Press Secretary.

[buzzer]

It's outrageous and topical!

Good night, everybody!

ALL:

Words words words words words words

♪

♪