02x03 - My Mother the Teacher

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

I'm ready to make the mashed potatoes

now all right Vicki take the beater and

put it in the potatoes and spin it

around real fast spin it around real

fast oh stop

Vicki oh what a

mess dummy I keep forgetting that you

take everything so long

literally hi honey how how was your day

terrible DIY would you take off that

apron well honey just cuz your day was

bad you don't have to throw the

food I Did It

Dummy Vicky would you clean up this m so

honey why was your day so terrible oh

nothing in particular you know just kind

of boring it's all your fault my fault

yes well ever since you invented a robot

to help me around the house i' I've got

so much free time on my hands that I

don't know what to do with myself oh you

don't huh well I know what to do with

yourself come

here

hi Dad did you go to work today yeah why

cuz when I left you were doing the exact

same

thing always remember Jamie you can

never overdo a good thing but I'll

try how was school honey great I knew

junior high was going to be fun but

today was the best day I ever had at any

school what happened our teacher got

sick she left class and we got a 2hour

recet Jamie the old battle axe turned so

green she looked like Kermit the

Frog yeah well I'm sure you'll have a

substitute battle ax by

tomorrow the mess is cleaned oh thanks

Vicki now take these towels out to the

washing

machine you know a lot of our teachers

are out with the flu our principal's

having a hard time trying to find

substitutes yeah you know there was an

article about that in the paper

apparently there's not enough qualified

substitute teachers to go

around hey I know a teacher who's not

working at the moment who dad your

mother me come on honey you've got your

teaching credentials and you're supposed

to be tutoring Vicki at home right well

yes Mom you'd be a great substitute

teacher and here's your chance to get

out of the house and I'll get a

substitute wife

it's a joke honey not funny all right I

get a substitute

joke must admit that it is tempting but

I've never actually taught in a

classroom before well so what you love

kids you have a ball and you'd be

helping me out too well how well you can

take Vicky with you you know I've always

wondered how Vicky would do at a public

school with public

kids yeah Mom she'd be the a perfect

student knows all the answers and never

raises her hand to go to the

bathroom T I just don't know oh come on

honey it'll be interesting and fun and

it's only for a little while come on

where's your sense of adventure yeah Mom

go for it well if it's all right with

Jam's principal I guess it'll be all

right with me I'll call him yeah all

right the towels are in the washing

machine Vicki guess what you just might

be going to school with Jamie yeah mom

might be our substitute teacher the old

battle ax looks just like Kermit the

[Music]

Frog hey re oh hi Jamie what's your

sister doing here oh she's going to be

in our class yeah great I thought you

had come to regular school cuz you were

a snob what's a snob somebody that walks

around the nose up in

a star Locker's eyes sticking Vicky open

it for him you think a girl strong and I

[Applause]

am

wow the hinges were probably loose they

weren't before they are now

[Laughter]

I sure hope I did in that pop quiz to

teacher threat us yesterday I don't

worry about it I put in a good word for

you with our new substitute teacher

she's a close personal friend of mine

how close the day I was born I spit up

on

her that's pretty close what's her name

mom

your mom this is fantastic

everybody Jamie's mom's going to be our

substitute

teacher right we've got it made his

mom's the nicest lady in the world the

word pushover comes racing to my

lip trust

me come on

Vicki I hope I won't let you down Mr

wasburn well teaching is really no

different than being a housewife and

mother instead of yelling at your own

kids for no money you'll be yelling at

someone else's kids for no

money attention please

attention I'd like you to meet your new

teacher say good morning to Mrs Lawson

good morning Mrs

Lawson hello there oh what A Nice

Class knowing Jamie I'm quite sure he's

already told you that Mrs lost is his

mother but we also have a new member of

the class Jamie's sister

Vicki thanks again for helping us out

Mrs

Lawson well now you'll have to bear with

me I'm new at this I mean I'm I'm

qualified I've got credentials and

everything wait a minute you're the ones

who are supposed to be nervous not

me now uh I understand that you were

studying the Revolutionary w*r before

your teacher got sick is that right

that's right

Mom raise your hand when you want to

speak Jamie and I'm not Mom I'm Mrs

Lawson do I have to call you Mrs Lawson

at home

too that's enough

Jamie all right uh well let's find out

just how much you've learned about the

Revolutionary w*r huh okay who can tell

me what the colonists dumped into Boston

Harbor to protest

taxes T that's correct Vicki now how

many original colonies were there

13 correct Massachusetts Connecticut

Rhode Island that's enough

Vicki cool it uh now who said Give me

liberty or give me death Patrick Henry

stop it

Vicki yes Reggie how about tell Vicky to

get the rest of us a

chance yeah just cuz she's so smart she

doesn't have to show off and be a snob

about it yeah yeah a

snob

down I said stop it stop this I said

stop hold you you you to the Blackboard

and and write on there that you will not

throw spitballs and you will not throw

paper planes 100 times hey

now Reggie I want a 500w composition

from you about the Revolutionary w*r by

tomorrow

morning and as far as the rest of the

class is concerned you can read six

chapters of History

tonight don't complain you started it

pushover huh the word muster comes

racing to my

lips yeah she's Godzilla and panny

hose you don't get rid of her you won't

have any friends left yeah all right

Jamie what were you talking about

nothing at all he said your Godzilla and

panty hose

[Music]

hi

[Laughter]

[Applause]

Vicki glad my tongue wasn't sticking

out so what'd you learn in school today

history math science what I learned how

to throw a

spitball throw a spitball

[Laughter]

okay honey when I asked you to take

Vicki to school it wasn't to learn to

throw spitballs oh well some of the

class got a little out of hand but I

nipped it in the bud before it went too

far yeah well I'm not surprised you've

had a lot of practice at home I'm

handling that character who gets out of

hand JY isn't that bad I meant me come

here oh

no my father and my

teacher Mrs is LW and I'm

shocked well Jamie you do your homework

and I'll do

mine dad can I talk to Mom for a second

be my guest Alone Oh you mean real manto

person stuff huh okay I think I hear the

mail calling

what is it Jamie well mom I've been

thinking about this substitute teaching

I know I help to encourage you to do it

that's true well I'm sorry about what

happened in class today and it's okay

with me if you want to quit quit I have

no intention of quitting in fact I love

it I'm so glad that you encouraged me to

go for it well isn't there something

else I could encourage you to go for it

instead

like medical

school oh honey I love teaching your

class when it stops being fun and I feel

that I can't handle the situation that's

when I'll quit

okay right Mom I couldn't be

[Laughter]

happier so did you have your big talk

sort of

yeah you know Dad I suddenly realized

how selfish I was to help talk mom into

teaching maybe she should quit quit why

well I get to see her all day now you

only get to see her mornings and

nights yeah see if you work it right

Jamie that's

enough I mean that's all I usually get

to see here Jamie I mean I work all day

right oh right well couldn't you get her

a job as your secretary that case if she

sits on your lap it's

okay Jamie why are you suddenly so

concerned with our marriage well we're

all so happy I wouldn't want to turn on

television one night and see you two on

Family

Feud no chance Jamie I won't kiss

Richard

Dawson all right come on Jamie out with

it what's the real problem well it's the

sort of teacher mom turned out to be

well I'm sure she's very pleasant and

easy going right I was thinking more

along the lines of RAM with an

eraser come on Jamie she told me what

happened in class and she had to get a

little tough big deal a little tough Dad

she took no

prisoners listen Jamie I'm with her on

this one okay now go get washed up for

dinner

okay well I tried Vicki I'll see you on

Family

Feud hey wait a minute

I think I've got the solution Vicki and

you can help I can help yeah Mom said

she'd quit when it stopped being fun

well starting tomorrow it's going to

stop being fun get it we'll take no

prisoners

[Laughter]

[Music]

come on Vicky no teachers

around well that I to do it mom will

never know what hit her give me five

partner give you

five so what' you do about Mommy

Dearest she's all taken care of she

won't be with us much longer she better

not be yours your neck

good morning class good morning M

bwon did you do the reading and the

report that I assigned yesterday yes

good Reggie you can leave that report on

my desk after class now turn to page 83

of your history

book I cannot tell a lie I did cut it

with my Hatchet now this famous quote

was said by George Washington after he

chopped down a cherry tree and George

Washington is the topic of today's

lesson watch

this very funny now who did

this okay I'll let it go this time but

I'm warning you no more fooling

around well who put this

here all right that does it if you want

to play games I just happen to have a

nice Pop Quiz in my drawer let's see how

funny you think that

is all right right who did all this I

want to know right this minute know I

cannot tell a

lie Vicki it was you no it was

Jamie Jamie is that true well Vicky

helped why on Earth would you do a thing

like this would you believe temporary

insanity well you can take your

temporary insanity right down to the

principal's office but Mom it's me your

own son the one who spit up on

you and Vicki you can go with him but

Mom but Mom go

now

oo and if anything like this ever

happens again it'll be the first time an

entire class was sent to the principal's

office

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

Jamie stop picking at your dinner and

eat

it I'm not very hungry do as you're told

well I just can't believe she'd sent me

to the principal's office her own flesh

and blood and Vicky her own plastic and

wires yeah well you deserved it after

you sent Vicky

too well I was upset and they were in it

together give me five

partner cool it Vicky Jamie it's not

that it was your own mother it's the

fact that you do that to any teacher how

come that's not like you I had my reason

he wanted to get rid of her so we'd have

some friends

left I don't understand Mom the kids at

school don't like you very much they

don't like me don't take my word for it

ask Vicki Vicki what did the children

think of

me honey honey don't get yourself upset

the kids are just mad cuz cuz you

wouldn't let them get away with anything

I don't want to be where all the kids

hate me next thing you know they'll tell

their parents and they'll end up hating

me too Johnny you're overreacting to

this you're not that tough on them she's

Rambo with an

eraser Well I just made up my mind I'm

going to see Mr wasburn first thing in

the

morning and tell him that tomorrow's my

last day

yeah something must have got CAU my

throat maybe a good whack on your other

end will loosen it

up why don't I just try swallowing a

piece of bread

yeah so that's it guys after today my

mom is gone this morning she's taking

herself to the principal's office all

right where to go Jamie all right class

quiet down and return to your

seats it seems that a number of you have

complained to your parents about Mrs

Lawson and quite a few of your parents

have called

me no not to complain but to thank me

for employing a teacher like

her your parents like the ideas of some

discipline in school and so do I and

I've got some more good news for you it

seems that I'll be with you longer than

I first anticipated unfortunately your

regular teacher is quite sick oh no

unfortunately we're all going to be

quite

sick keep up the good work Mrs Lawson

thank you Mr

Washburn all right

class looks like we got off to a bad

start but I'd really like to become your

friend so let's all try and work toward

that

okay that's the

spirit all right now where were we

that's right

George

Washington no Mom

oh we know take our temporary insanity

right down to the principal's office

[Applause]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

she's a

small

Wonder lovely and bright and soft curs

she's a

small

Wonder a child un like other girls she's

a miracle and I grant you she'll enchant

you at her sight she's a small

Wonder brings love and laughter

everywhere

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]