01x09 - Rodeo Dough / Pinocchio Rides Again

[bunniefuu]

Who's the sassiest, brassiest, classiest

cat?He's

Cliff! Who's got charm?

Who's got warmth?Who's got style?You

can bet he'll never get caught in the dog

catcher's net! He's

Cliff! Who's light on his feet?A wizard

disguise?Who'll steal a mackerel right

under your eyes?Heathcliff!

Here come his friends, a trio of creeps.

Dingbat. Ohh The vampire dog. The

stereo, the skeleton. And that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody!

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show!

Gee, this carnival is great, nobody. When

are we going to go on the rides?As soon

as that dingy thingback gets back with

the tickets. Tickets?Uh-oh,

tickets. I got hungry waiting in line,

so I blocked these goodies.

But don't worry, we still got the dime.

One dime?Why you no good

dingy thingbat?Hey, look!

Step right this way. See magnificent

Mr. Muscle, strongest man in the world.

Wrestle Gargo, the most ferocious bear

in all the forest. All this and more,

ladies and gentlemen, for one thin dime.

A dime?We got one of those!

Hey! Give me black my dime! I still

haven't had dessert.

Great! There goes our last dime! Don't

worry, I'll get it!

It looks like Mr. Muscle ain't the

strongest man in the world!

You're right! My boony friend here is the

new strongest man in the world! You're

hired!And you're tired.

Hey, I got us a job. Now we can get in

for free.

No bonehead creep is gonna show me

up. I'll fix 'em.

By the way, Dr. Wombat, what am I

supposed to do?Oh, nothing really.

You just have to wrestle. Gorgo.

Gorgo, ehWho's

afraid of the big, bad Blair?

You scaredy-bat! Oh, ohh nothing to worry

about, my friend. After the audience

comes in, I'll simply pull this lever.

And we'll pull the old swisharoo.

Okay, Dingbat, hurry up and get into the

bear suit. The audience is coming in.

Yes, Bluff!

You ready?Bluff, of course!

Ladies and gentle monsters, the

main event is about to begin.

In this corner, we're in the green trunks

and weighing in at 50 pounds of solid

bone, spare rib the creep.

And in the other corner, we're in the...

Brown fur and weighing



beastly bear.

Ohh Here I come.

The double switcheroo should fix those

creeps.

Shake hands and come out wrestling.

Don't worry, Dingbat. I'll go easy onyou.

Get back in that ring, you punchy bone

brain. Ohh

Hey! When do I go on?

Can't talk now, Dingbat! I'm wrestling

Dingbat! That's it,

Spearhead! Get him in a creep lock!

Oh, no, Bloody! Don't bother me, Dingbat!

I'm busy! That's it, Dingbat!

Dingbat!

Unhand that creep, you overstuffed flea

trap. If you don't put him down this

headstand, you'll have to deal with the

great Dinglas.

Spare rib! Do something! I'll

catch ya!

Gotcha!

Spare rib, you clumsy bonehead! You've

ruined my sideshow! Muscles, you're hired

again! Your first job is to get those

creeps! Gladly!

Here we go! Quick, into the

roller coaster!

This'll send them for a ride.

There we go. Good as new.

You're on fire.

I'm glad we finally got rid of that

muscle-bound baboon. Now we can

relax and enjoy the carnival.

Yeah, all four of us.

We now return with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show. Ah,

Mont Cherry, a candlelight supper with

you and cuisine fit for a

queen. Oh, Heathcliff,

you're so romantic. Uh,

what culinary delight have we here?

Yuck, that has seen better days. Oh,

Heathcliff, you're so...

Continental?HuhIt

sure is slim pickins. Howdy, partners!

Get off your hip pockets and come see the

rip-roaringest rodeo to ever stamp

feet out of the wild and woolly west.

We got the buckin'est buckin' broncs and

the world's bullyest bull in the world

total disaster! A hundred

dollar prize?goes to the second rule of

the buckaroo that can stay three minutes

with total disasters. Ah,

I'm beginning to see a way out of this

dilemma. I will subdue this ferocious

ball, win the $100 prize money... Oh,

Heathcliff, you are so

macho. Oh, you are so right.



three minutes with total disasters.

I'm gonna win me 100

buckaroos! I'll make sharply out of

that bodacious bovine.

Keep your baby blue eyes on me, ma'am,

and you'll see some rip-roarin' rodeo

doin'. And now for the first event,

Wild Bronco Riding in sh**t number

one, Blockbuster

Rubsaboard Rigor Morty.

ornery critter! Yowie!

Looks like my old buddy Grubs is in dire

need of some expert advice. Can't you

move anyway but up and

down?Howdy, partner!

He's Cliff. Oh, no, not

you! You was expecting perhaps Kitty

Carson?Congratulations,

Chump-a-champ!

You deserve it.

Whoops. I'll direct your

attention, folks, to the far end of

the arena on the start of the exciting

and dangerous Chuch Wagon Rage.

My unworthy opponent, no doubt, has heard

of me and has chickened out.

Oh, no. Not you, Heathcliff. You was

expecting perhaps hop along Cat City?

Ready, contestant?On your mark, get

set...

Giddy up! Oh! Why don't you try

saying purdy, please, grubs?Come on, you

hornery hateburners! Move!

Try carrots, Grubs. Horses like

carrots. You trying to tell me how to

start my horses?

Now that you got them started, how are

you going to stop them, Grubs?I'm not

worried about stopping them, but I'll

show you how I'm going to stop you.

And I'll just toss this in

over there.

Hey, yo, teethclip, you're a good

loser.

Good loser, huhNow I'll show 'em what a

better winner I am. Oh, give

me a home where the pickled herring roam,

and the catnip keeps growling all

Hey! What the...

Hey!

What the... Hey!

Ouch! Oh!

Ouch! Ow! Well, I reckon I better mosey

out yonder and give that ombre a helping

hand. Oh, my hero.

Hey, you with a long tail and horns.

HuhYeah, you, you porterhouse fake.

Come to Papa, you four-legged filet

mignon.

Ta-da!

Oopsie-daisy.

Guess I scared that bull clean out of the

county.

You're the winner of the prize money,

'cause the other contestants, including

the bull, have forfeited by

skedaddling out of the county. Oh,

Heathcliff, you are so,

so, so.. Uh, rich?

Yes, rich.

Nothing's too good for you, Sonya. And

Delmonico has the best. Oh,

Heathcliff, you are so,

so..

And the racers are getting ready as we

prepare for the 13th annual La Monster

Rally. Today, the creeps in their

monstrous creep-mobile take on Baron

Lafitte LaCheat and his turbo-charged

dynamobile. Oh, and you'll never guess

who's going to win! We

gotta get this new engine in now. Right,

Bob!

Careful, Bone-Nose, that new engine's

very delicate!Yeah! And it's got a

push on their snout.

Gentlemen and...

Creeps, start your engine.

And they're off. I better set a

diabolical trap that'll keep those creeps

out of the race.

Quick spare rib, stop that boulder.

Nothing to it. It

will never get through me.

Come in.

Whoops. Only a bone brain like

you would make a fence with a door. Now

unflatten us. Right, boss.

The baron is way in front! The creeps

better get back in the race before it's

over! Can you drive any faster?

No! Would you care to drive?Blah, blah!

No!

Dingbat, you numbat! What are we gonna do

now?Heads not here!

Dingblat is here!

Ding-dong, you brought hornets!

Have no fear! I have a way with hornets!

Rock up my blade be

on the treetop

Great! Now get rid of

it! Hornets! The hornets are banking!

See you at the finish line. If you get

that far, that is. Spirit, go

up there and see where we are.

OK, just do what I tell you and we'll be

all right, right, now left. Now, right

again!

Left! Right! Left! Left! Right! Left! Did

you say mare?Right!

Oops! I meant left! How are

we gonna finish the race without a spare

tire?We have a spare pumpkin!

You can't do this to me! But no

bloody! I thought you always wanted to

be a blig wheel!

And the creeps win. Sort of.

Congratulations. You won.

Hey, no bloody. We finished first.

Yeah?Great. Now get me out of this

cup. Gee, I don't know. It

looks very nice on you. Yeah, you

never looked better. Finished first, huh

When I'm through with

you, then you'll be finished.

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Ding-Bat Show.

And now, The Fighter Adventures of

Heathcliff. This week's story is about

great-grand-uncle Heathcliff Pinocchio.

Recommended for immature audiences, of

course. As the whole world knows,

Uncle Pinocchio started out as a stuffed

animal in Mr. Geppetto's toy store.

He was the toy maker's favorite, bringing

much joy and laughter. A guy walks

into an antique store and says, what'snew?

But Pinocchio was still only a stuffed

toy. And poor Geppetto

longed for a real cat of his very own.

Then one night as everyone lays sleep

and...

There suddenly appeared a fairy godlady

with a star on a stick.

My name is Marilyn. I'll be your

fairy godmother. Do things

my way and there'll be no trouble.

Hey, I'm alive and well. How

about a couple of free wishes?Forget it.

You're lucky to be alive. And no lies.

I can't stand lies. Oh, I

hate them too.

That's how I handle lies.

Lies. I thought you said flies.

You heard what I said.

Hey, that's a pretty good trick.

Excuse me. I have a 2:00 meeting at

Cinderella's place.

Wow. I'd like to have her job. Well,

World, I'm ready for you. Let's

boogie.

Hey, Pussycat, you want to be in the show

business?You mean bright lights?Cheering

crowds?Big bucks?That's close, cat.

Uh, you sweet talked me into it.

Hey, this could be my big break. Soon a

network special, a spin-off series,

public appearances, dinner at the White

House, bowling for bucks.

And so Uncle Heathcliff found himself in

the big time. The bucks were rolling in,

but not for him.

He started right at the top. I don't know

which is worse, stage fright or hype

fright. Guess I got opening night

jitters. Hey, let me give you a helping

hand. There's something about this act

that's getting me down.

Hope I'm not blowing things way out of

proportion

like the show folks say. Be nice to

people on the way up, 'cause you'll meet

the same people on the way down.

Yep, this showbiz is a lot of laughs.

Witchy-witchy-witchy!

They love me.

Next, Strongoli the Great wiped Pinocchio

into his new magic act.

I bet John Travolta didn't start out this

way.

Now is a good time to split,

but Strangoli had even bigger plans for

Uncle Pinocchio. Billed as Mohammed Alley

Cat, Pinocchio took on the wild.

Anyone who could beat the champ won 500

big ones. The opposition was skeptical.

But Pinocchio was in the best shape of

his career.

And now Strongo representing the

flying cat. I get this negative feeling

that he doesn't have my best interests at

heart.

And that's the end of that cat's showbase

career.

Don't call me, and I'm not calling you.

Lots of luck to you. All a bad.

Goodbye, Goomba.

So Uncle Heathcliff Pinocchio settled

down with Mr. Geppetto in the little toy

shop. And everyone lived

happily ever after.

Is that really a true story?Would

I lie?