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02x05 - Don Coyote & the Contessa

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Adventures of Don Coyote and Sancho Panda". Aired: September 16, 1990 – December 8, 1991.*
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Don Coyote is a swordsman who travels the land in search of adventure, with the help of his noble horse Rosinante, Sancho Panda and his cynical donkey, Dapple.

02x05 - Don Coyote & the Contessa

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

10:00 and all is well

[Music]

sounds like somebody's in a hurry yeah

could be trouble yeah think we ought to

wake up Don coyote and ride to the

rescue

n

oh guard guard come quickly

[Music]

I'll have his head I tell you I'll draw

and quarter the

Nave you I trusted you to guard the

safety of my castle and all it contains

including my beloved daughter the

Contessa yes s and and now she's gone

gone my Lord that's right gone kidnapped

kidnapped but but who that's

who Ed I don't know know anyone named ed

oh not Ed you El Diablo my

daughter has been kidnapped by El Diablo

and don't come back until you've alerted

all my friends neighbors and loyal

subjects tell them there's a reward but

but my Lord silence the Contessa must be

saved El Diablo Must Be Stopped yes my

Lord then what are you waiting for I

don't know how to ride it's easy

two arms two arms the Contessa has been

kidnapped keep washing you two the way I

figure another 3,000 dishes ought to pay

for the windows you broke my good man I

assure you that if windows were broken

it was for a good cause Don coyote be

sure to tell me when you figure out what

the cause was thano think of what we're

doing as another challenge not only that

I won't have to wash my hands again for

a year Sancho as my dir departed mother

used to say dirty water dirty dishes his

dapple into every life a little Rain

Must Fall oh does that include dish

water

[Applause]

[Music]

too ieno do you hear something it

depends St

[Applause]

[Music]

coyote the Contessa kidnapped needs

assistance knickknack oh I mean

kidnapped Sono doov funny I don't hear a

thing there's no time to waste the

Contessa is in serious

trouble and so I'm offering his weight

in gold to the man who rescues my

daughter I'll do it no I will I'm the

man for the job my Lord ah my dear

friends you are truly Brave and

courageous to risk your lives against

the notorious L

Diablo L Diablo oh gee I just remembered

I have a wart on my trigger finger uh I

got a terrible too fake I think I hear

my wife calling to

me what say you gentlemen uh LD Diablo

is a formidable adversary count deil are

you sure he's the kidnapper yes he left

his mark on the wall indeed my Lord now

that is news volunteers to form a posi

will now be

accepted is there no one stupid and I

mean stalwart enough to risk his very

life against El Diablo make

wayy counterv I came h* paste low waist

I mean po tasty I'm here and who sir

might you be I am Don coyote upender of

the downtrod doer of good scourge of all

this evil and you are not afraid of L

Diablo count there is only one way to

deal with a kidnapper like El Diablo pay

the ransom as soon as possible El Diablo

hasn't made a ransom demand but to get

my daughter back I would gladly pay

anything

my good Lord rescuing damsels is my

specialty D coyote my thanks I'm forever

in your debt it is I who should thank

you sir for you have provided a quest

appropriate for myself and my un treble

uh

anage th me in my pal what did he say I

don't know but if I had a guess I'd say

we're in for

trouble I have just one more small

request yes my Lord get off my foot as

you wish my Lord

Sancho we must be vigil everland I mean

ever ever we got to be on our toes sit

kyot this El Diablo is one bad

dude one never knows where the Contessa

might turn

up come on Contessa you fat

pig don't give me any of your lip

contestant I can always turn you into a

bacon you know thano look there do you

think what I

see I seriously doubt it Don coyote

we're just in time El Diablo is about to

t*rture the cona ruthi once more onto

the beach into the breach

charge I wish just once he charge into

retirement Make Way for Don

go reach through the mini

[Music]

[Applause]

k*ll fear not Contessa I don coyote am

here to saveth you stop

[Music]

thief I don't understand this Sancho we

had the contesta in our grasp and the

next thing I knew I was seeing Stars

[Music]

soncho do you see what I see of course

he doesn't but since when does that

matter Make Way for

uny unored but not defeated please don't

be afraid man' my friend is just

confused ah my prince has finally come

um I think this might be a case of

mistaken

identity donkeys aren't built for double

dating take me I'm yours excellent Sano

I see rescued the contesta and now you

must rescue me Don

coyote unhand my daughter you

naves thank you I think Sano you seem to

have discovered a new Galaxy

I warned you never to talk to that wch

again but she was ordering a meal my

garet

clo

help I can't believe it for once

someone's actually calling for help now

I'm going to ring your neck Make Way for

done

unmade that hand I mean a hand that

made mind if I cut in give it be my

guest El Diablo you're a gentleman and a

skar goodbye and good rid Alonzo did you

say what I thought you said yeah

farewell and do my sweet well aren't you

going to save me from this brigand but

fair Contessa I have already saved you

from the brigand for I stay out of my

business whoever you are so you'd give

me up that easily would you

never my delicate Desert

Blossom dapple you know what comes after

in sickness and in health in the

marriage vows uh-uh till death do us

part

chickaboom do you Contessa devil take

this commoner Sam Diego to be your

lawful wedded husband I do if there is

anyone who would object to this Union

let him speak now or forever hold his

peace make wave

for so well Diablo we meet at last do

you admit defeat hurry up get on with it

and do

you Sam Diego take the contesta deil to

be your wife I

do I thought you would admitting defeat

is no shame when you're up against a

superior Oddball I mean Superior odds

come Contessa your father awaits my

father oh no stop we are in love and I

thought I was confused before this you

were you were I'm sure you mean well Don

coyote but Sam Diego just pretended to

be El Diablo he's really my fianceé

remain calm my dear I know this hasn't

been easy for you and I suppose it's

been a walk in the park for the rest of

us look you don't understand we aled

because I knew my father would never

approve of our marriage El Diablo has

this poor girl under the spell of

hypnotism hyper Dipper she's been

brainwashed I think she's telling the

truth Don coyote a to HCHO Ride Like the

Wind lad your true love needs

[Music]

you at this rate San Diego will never be

able to catch us you're right it looks

hopeless Apple it's time we took matters

into our own hoops and I mean

[Music]

literally dyot don't you think there's

something wrong with the horses I

thought he'd never noce I know so what's

keeping Sam Diego

[Music]

anyway soncho our faithful speed do seem

to be somewhat wees for the worth I mean

uh worth for the wees well what about me

not only have you abducted me from my

true love now I'm getting seasick let us

repair to Yan Pond up ahead here you are

Contessa a bu colic setting a peaceful

Pond and unhand that girl you Nave and

unhand that girl you Nave wait that

sounded like Ed Diablo on guard you

scous

cro you sure picked a funny time to take

a swim tread water my dear I shall

rescue you as soon as I dispose of this

common criminal he's not a

criminal poor thing seen release that

poor thing from your spell or I shall be

forced to run through you I mean run you

through ah El Diablo you would challenge

me to a Duo so be it Perry

[Music]

take that hey stop listen don't egg me

on and

don't listen I've got a point to make

and I'm going to make it Don coyote here

well done Sancho my faithful friend now

land me my hands I mean give me that

uhhuh

[Music]

I see I have you on the horns of a

dilemma El Diablo charge

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Bessie here let me give you a hand why

thank you kind while those two morons

keep each other company you're coming

with me uh-oh enter the real villain

and exit the real villain with the

Contessa come back here you come back

here my love oh fluty will get you

nowhere El Diablo so you've decided to

give up eh you see Sancho I don coyote

have triumphed again

[Music]

I've had enough put me down immediately

not a chance Contessa the count said he

pay a heavy Ransom to get you back and I

plan to collect not if I have anything

to say about it oh

me Andre to show

so you're al diablo you shouldn't have

done that Contessa because now that you

know who I am I am going to have to

collect the ransom and keep you for

myself once again Sancho I have

vanquished El Diablo but whatever do you

supposed happen to the Contessa I don't

know Don coyote all I remember is going

night and night twice just once I wish

they could speak eoin to bite your

tongue you're right but you know what

this means don't you matters into our

own own Hooves part

two 3

2 cont

down come on horse we've got to go

faster there's no telling what L Diablo

has planned for my beloved Contessa

what

the Sam my hero you saved me shh my

sweet let us Savor the moment Make Way

for

Don too late this is where we get

off thanks D coyote I could never have

rescued the contest without your help it

was my pleasure Duke

Jour yes I've seen the Contessa my Lord

and she is safe oh thank heavens El

Diablo vows to return her for a ransom

of 10,000 gilders consider it done what

am I saying El Diablo said 50,000

gilders not 10 but then he shall have it

my Lord I must be losing my memory his

demand is actually for 100,000 gildas oh

she's my own daughter how can I refuse I

agree sire were it my daughter I'd

gladly pay the 500,000 gilders he has

for whatever whatever guard here's the

key to the treasury make sure dour gets

the ransom he requires and you make sure

my daughter is returned

[Music]

safely cille I have captured the

nefarious Outlaw who kidnapped the

Contessa you have then you may must have

saved me a fortune in Ransom I have if

it's true then that entire Ransom of uh

10,000 gilders is yours there's no need

for any Ren numeron or uh conscious I'll

just forget it cville I give you El

Diablo are you jesting oh forget the

gilders that's not El Diablo that's the

callow commoner who wants my daughter's

hand in marriage he wants to marry your

daugh daughter's hand thanks for all

your

help those beasts belong to that idiot

Don coyote and his Curry buddy I believe

this calls for a change of

plans I feel a little guilty I know what

you mean if we hadn't have slowed up

then he wouldn't have caught up and the

other guy wouldn't uh-oh what's that

nice stay

isn't do you see what I see see I see

the world's largest blonde burrito our

own Hooves part

three hey come over here go away can't

you see I'm busy that's my boss up there

oh yeah we have you consider that if he

jumps on you from that height carrying

that much extra weight he will squash

you like a bug

[Music]

help help quiet

you now move it now how are

you Hal

dour dour what's the meaning of this

father dour is El diblo save me CS seize

El Diablo El Diablo

yes I am El Diablo the name that strikes

Terror and your daughter's coming with

me count devil Over My Dead Body but I

hope

[Music]

not nothing can help you now El Diablo

Make Way for

D I know you're a commoner my boy but

there's no need to bow ow I mean cout

out

I don't know how he does it neither does

he but he always does don't he and for

your unremitting Valor and nobleness of

heart i dub thee sir Sam arise Duke

Diego and now let us begin our

preparations for a royal

wedding well you did it again Don coyote

I did I mean I did but I'm confused

about one thing

only one we should be so lucky which one

was El Diablo anyway was he the the

shorter fellow with the kind of nicker

things or was it the the Spanish looking

guy with the long hair or was it the guy

that that kind of had the it looked like

a wig to me it could have been something

else but but you and what about the guy

in the booth