02x06 - Practical Hoax

[bunniefuu]

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michelle hurry

you gotta see this what just get in here

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pronto

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[Applause]

i'm soaked yeah you look like a drowned

rat

it's such an emotion children oh

dear michelle you're as wet as the

london fog

my sister the london frog

that's jason did it slain up

michelle

it was just a joke oh jason

that's not funny and it's no joke

sure it is grand mom see i rigged up

this cool

pulley system to that loose floorboard

work

perfectly the good book says like a

madman who throws firebrands and arrows

is the man who tricks his neighbor and

says i was only joking

fire arrows nothing like that up here

just harmless water

the point is it's not funny if it's mean

your granddad used to say a joke is a

funny story

a prank is a trick on somebody and when

that somebody gets humiliated

it's not funny oh wise man your granddad

yeah how do you like a bucket of water

dumped on your head

think about that jason and michelle go

get into some dry clothes

no sense of humor none zero

zippo nada

big mission cadet border collie

federation and tennis ball people of

planet fetch

are going at it tooth and um

tooth and tennis ball i guess wait

michelle's trying off

we can't wait all day she'll be back in

a second

okay one down one to go what's up

guys

we'll explain on the way you're getting

the seat wet michelle

you can thank jason oh thank you jason

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let's sing a little song with eight

little words but a rocket ship

and flightless birds

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mitchell

vigil

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kevin

three two

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one

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wish we had a sailor suit you so

cute oh mast is so adorable don't sit

around

yes yes him a*s

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to think that simple-minded pumpkinheads

like you

are given the honor of serving the

galaxy's greatest criminal mind

but master what we're the only ones to

answer your ad in the paper

that's right bad guy mastermind in need

of subordinate minions health benefits

and 401k available that's enough

oh i joined for the 401k there's a limit

on how much you can invest

but still i said enough

you're a disgrace to minions everywhere

hmm yes and i think it's about time you

took a refresher course

in military discipline

log on yes yes

come on come on

ah here we are the federation academy

that's what you need back to school for

all of you

those academy teachers will make you the

very models of modern major grovelers

but master we can't go there you're a

bad boy wanted in 12

sectors they would arrest you as soon as

you talk ship

true but they would have to recognize me

first

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captain's vlog start a three-niner niner

point

yada yada mission accomplished huh

how the words melt in my mouth the uspf

rockhopper has just successfully

established a peace treaty

between the inhabitants of planet fetch

and the border collie federation

and it wasn't easy either no cadet it

wasn't

but such is the lot of interplanetary

peacekeepers

i just like to see gandhi make peace

between dogs and tennis ball people

whoa hey is this somebody's idea of a

joke

great idea jason a space-aged whoopee

cushion

come on i got a great joke we can play

on kevin

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oh

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hmm

hey is this this is guacamole

who did this

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i said who kevin

get kevin get out of my way

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is something wrong my dear i

i don't know

of balance i notice caused by a lack of

sleep i should think

if i were you

who did this kevin i said

get out of my way

i told you to get out of the way

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[Laughter]

oh that was priceless one for the books

i'd say

jason mitchell did you guys do this

we're a couple of comic geniuses right

mitchell

you got that right jace and the bed's

nailed to the ceiling

oh man i thought i'd hurt myself

laughing

well some of us weren't laughing oh

lighten up will you doc

lighten up jason don't you remember what

grandmom said about

pranks come on michelle it was just a

joke

a joke this isn't a joke

it's a prank and not everyone is

laughing so it's not funny

uh you don't think anything's funny

what wasn't funny did i miss something

yeah

i think all of you missed something like

a sense of humor

mijo it's not like that we

penguins come in penguins commander's

trap sir

mission accomplished sir tennis ba*ls

and dogs getting along now sir

kevin get out of the way

excellent work as usual penguins you

have no new assignment but

i do have a favor to ask of you move

will you

yes sir a favor for the old commander it

would be a pleasure sir

yes well then it seems that some of the

faculty at federation academy have come

down with a serious case

of the penguin pox oh my penguin pox

i hope everyone is drinking herbal tea

herbal tea

uh roger doctor i'll pass that along

anywho

i was wondering if i could call on the

stalwart crew of the rockhopper to fill

in for the day

you know be substitute teachers teachers

us sure your alumni the voice of

experience

the voice of experience yeah i like the

sound of that

you can count on us commander it'll be

an honor to show

young cadets how we roll in the big

leagues

minds of mush they are uh waiting for a

master sculptor to come in and

yeah yeah eight o'clock sharp tomorrow

morning penguins

over and out over and out

kevin you seem to have acquired the

amazing ability to have things pass

through you

maybe tomorrow you could show your

students how you

how you disappear in an instant holy cow

how do you do it

oh um did i miss anything

school days school days wonderful golden

rule days

just take a look at that kid there will

ya i was young

and fearless tawny and robust

and look look what what are we supposed

to be looking at

you don't see it i see you sort of

halfway blinking

no no all right i'll give you a hint

you're looking for something that's

not there oh this is silly i give up

my chins look there's only one one chin

isn't that great ah for the days before

the gobbler

all right are we through with the tour

down memory lane i have a class to teach

here are your schedules midgel you'll be

teaching

introduction to federation piloting

techniques stella

jason you willing to give me a hand

absolutely

you'll be handling a leadership

principles 101

yes of course i will

ah yes i remember it well young people

walking these hallowed halls reuniting

with fraternity brothers after a long

summer getting ready for fall term

autumn is a particularly

beautiful season in space there is a

certain

hmm what do you call it christmas to the

void

ah can you smell it i can smell

something oh man i remember this one

time

when charlie stulpitz put breakfast

cereal in his socks

and then went to the dean's office

what is it vigil come with me there i

don't have a class to teach

so i thought we could use this time to

do a little detective work

detective work yes remember you asked me

a while back what happened to

the inventor of the galeazel oh yeah

burnt something

about he graduated from here 15 years

ago

i thought we could check the alumni

records and see if they give us any

indication where he set off to

if we find him you can tell us how

cavities wound up was a spare part for

the gleasel

right we have to make sure capitus

doesn't have a gleaser of his own

that wouldn't be good news huh oh my

gosh

he'd use it to shrink the entire

universe to the size of a golf ball

yeah that'd be bad unless you play golf

so landing gear as it turns out is

pretty necessary

now i know what some of you are thinking

what if we never land

believe me mate eventually you'll want

to land

am i right jason absolutely it's just

one of those design issues we keep

coming back to

you see

uh t*rd aren't we mate t*rd

oh oh well yes uh uh cannot party

reporting for class sir

huh your name is toddy oh that's right

a t*rd uh t*rd mc uh yum yum

uh and these are my pals belated and

unpunctual

okay all right i got it very cute

now would you please just sit down so we

can continue with class

no no this is just so rich

we shall forgo your education and have

some fun with this witness

yes master

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ah here we are bert bertman class of

2222

captain of the lip sync team member of

gamma hammering ding

well i didn't know that but was first in

his class

good for you bert according to this bert

studied engineering

but opted for a career as an

interdimensional

agent and look well what do you know

and here are some partial documents

blueprints for the galeazel

it's a common misconception that you

should downshift every time you take the

ship up

i've seen more clutches burned out that

way

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my experience tells me that you should

apply the break firmly

all right which one of you did this

little

i said who did

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oh this t*rd i see is this your idea of

a joke mr t*rd

is it a joke uh oh no mr mitchell

perished the thought

perish a thought huh i'll show you

periscope

what hey now that

that's my idea of a joke mr medley

mitchell sir

no more penguins no more books no more

vigil dirty

come on everyone i am filled with

mercenary

laugh with me laugh with me

oh yes these are bert's blueprints for

the gleezel all right

see they match and here's a drawing of

the comboulator

it's the part of the galeazel that

shrinks and or blows up the victim

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i mean the dimensional traveler of

course

but there's no indication of what

happened to bert

but if capitis had a cambodulator he

must have run into

bert and stole it from him oh my

i hope he didn't hurt the furry little

guy wow

dr fidgel it says here that in the end

bert the hamster went back went bad

how do you mean i mean that he went off

the deep end

as far as hamsters go at one point he

attempted to take over the academy and

make himself honorary dean of evil

dean of evil oh that sounds more like a

liberal arts position to me

and besides i knew bert he wasn't evil

he was cute and cuddly

well jason i think i'm beginning to

catch on why everyone was so mad about

our little prank

yeah a prank isn't funny when someone is

humiliated

i guess i didn't realize it till that

someone with me

stop this i say stop this right now

you should all be ashamed of yourselves

look at you

look at them

do you really think this is funny do you

really enjoy

seeing other people humiliated

is this your idea of entertainment

making other people feel

awful is it um

thanks now does the class have anything

they want to say to our substitute

teachers

who are kind enough to take time from

their busy schedules

to come here and speak with us today

we're sorry sorry

sorry come on people we're all having

such a great time

but a joke is only funny when everyone

can laugh and i can think of at least

two people who weren't laughing

i didn't think it was funny either i

guess i'll laugh because i was scared of

not being with the group

yeah following the group isn't always

the best idea

especially if they're doing something

that hurts someone else

no worries makes actually jason and i

did the same thing to our friends just

yesterday

we learned a valuable lesson today we

learned a valuable lesson today

oh good night moon you people really

disgust me

and you think i sent my minions here to

get an education

never again power before me sycophants

for i am the great and terrible cavitas

that's what i was trying to tell you

earlier amazing what a pair of glasses

can do

and a mustache the big nose

and those andy rooney eyebrows and now

i shall fulfill my long-held desire to

undermine this derivative institution

and make myself honorary dean of evil

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or not minions escape

right then lads get him come on this way

ah for those wondrous days of yore the

bonfires

hair care marathons charlie stulpins and

his sock full of breakfast cereals

looks like a water balloon w*r come on

chums let's go make some memories

follow me

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look it's cavities oh don't be silly

dear

capitus didn't have high enough test

scores to get in here

then maybe he broke in look

stop right there capitus reach for the

sky

it's detention for you pal time to break

out the galeesel

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never hit a moving target before i

should try skeet sh**ting

get us out of here you chucklehead to

the ship

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i was gonna see if you could come out

and play today but we ended up being

kind of busy minions

whoops gotta run see you later kevin

oh boy

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[Laughter]

that was fun

who were we chasing

hey michelle i'm sorry i played those

pranks on you earlier

you mean those jokes no i mean pranks

like grandmom said pranks aren't funny

when they humiliate people

a joke is funny only when everyone

laughs

is it safe to come up sure come in

grandma

i wasn't sure if i'd get a bucket of

water on my head

no i learned my lesson grandma good

i have something for you too

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best joke of the year best joke

it's like you should read the

inscription

like a madman who throws firebrands and

arrows is the man who deceased his

neighbor

and says i was only joking what does

that mean

granddad knew how to make people laugh

without making someone feel bad

fire brands and arrows are things that

are hurtful and just

plain mean i see the connection

what might be funny to us might feel

like

firebrands and arrows to someone else

i'd say you're on your way to

making people laugh yourself good night

pumpkins

say your prayers

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oh did i forget something up there

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so

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you