01x08 - When Urkel-Bots Go Bad!

[bunniefuu]

SHAGGY: Ah, Chicago!

Known as the "Windy City,"
it was founded in 1837

and boasts a population
of 2.7 million.

See, I have my moments
of brilliance.

Or you're just
reading over my shoulder.

Impressive, right?
I can read.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

Yeah, read.

Then I hope you can
also read why we're here.

These reports of
a crazy robot
running amok in the city.

Crazy robot?
You lied to us!

Like you said yesterday,
and I quote,

"Let's go to Chicago
for some of that famous
deep-dish pizza

"and not a crazy robot."

What? I never said
"Let's go to Chicago

"for some of that famous
deep-dish pizza
and not a crazy robot."

(BOTH GIGGLING)

No, but you did today.

VELMA: (ON RECORDING)

Let's go to Chicago

for some of that famous
deep-dish pizza

-and not a crazy robot.
-(GIGGLING)

Yes!

-How can you possibly
be thinking of more food?
-(CRUNCHING)

Can't hear you, Fred.

Scoob and I are busy eating
our volcano hot Scooby Snacks.

(MUNCHING LOUDLY)
Hot, hot, hot, hot!

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

(BOTH PANTING)

(LAUGHING)

Uh, then never mind.

-(SHAGGY GULPS)
-SCOOBY: Hmm.

(LAUGHS) Awesome.

That's odd. The robot
described isn't like anything
I've ever heard of before.

SHAGGY: You mean
because it wears glasses
and suspenders,

has glowing red eyes,
and can run really,
really fast?

Yes, and would you please
stop reading over my shoulder?

He didn't!
It's right behind us!

(YELLING)
I'm coming to get you!
You can't escape me!

Argh!

(BATS SCREECHING)

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

VELMA:
Jinkies! It's Urkel!

URKELBOT:
Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!

Destroy! Destroy!

Hang on, g*ng!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

VELMA:
The robot is gaining!

And we're headed
toward a dead end.

Now we're losing
Scooby Snacks.

Scooby, give me the barrel.

What? Uh-uh.

Would you give it to me
for a Scooby Snack?

Okay!

-Hey!
-This should trip him up.

URKELBOT: Destroy! Destroy!

I'm coming to get you!
You can't escape me!

Rawr!

(BOTH GASPING)

(BRAKES SCREECH)

Who knew Scooby Snacks
were so flammable?

Well, those snacks were soaked
in extra hot sauce
so it kinda makes sense.

Total sense.
Hot, hot, hot!

Or it could be the gas lines
they were working on.

(ALL GASPING)

Like, zoinks!
That crazy robot's back.

Got any cheese?

(CHUCKLES AND SNORTS)

Don't worry.
This will fry
his circuits. (GRUNTS)

Thanks, but I already
had a shower two weeks ago.

(EXCLAIMS)

Name's Steven Quincy Urkel,
but you can call me Urkel.

Or Urkelino,
the Urkmeister,

or the Urkel-doodle-do.

Oh, or my personal favorite,
Hur-Urkel-es.

Get it?
(LAUGHS AND SNORTS)

Like, Hercules
but with my name in it.

Hur-Urkel-es.

Feel these pipes.
(GROWLS)

Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Uh, nice to meet you,
Mr. Urkel.

But why do you look
like the robot
that just attacked us?

Heh! Because I built it.

It's called the Urkelbot.

It's my greatest
scientific achievement.

But Urkelbot went
missing last week.
I think it's been hacked.

Hey, you're those famous
teenage mystery solvers.

I'm a huge fan.

Fred, you caught
the beast of Swamp Town.

Daphne, you trapped
the monster of Creepsburg.

Velma, your glasses
correct your lazy eye

and your astigmatism.

-Shaggy, you wear
a green shirt.
-(YELLS)

And Scooby, you're a dog!

SCOOBY: Oh, he knows
everything about us.

You're legends,
and I'd love you to
help me find my robot.

We usually work alone.

And you're... How do we
put this nicely?

Like, annoying.

I'm not annoying.
Come on. Please.

Uh, sorry, no.

-Please! Please!
-No. No.

-Cheese please?
-No.

-Please.
-No!

Please!

Okay, fine!

We'll help you as long as
you stop saying "please."

Great. Where do we start?

We look for clues.

Like this one.

URKEL: That's Urkelbot's
hydraulic fluid.

Oh, I'm so excited
to be able to help you guys
solve this mystery.

Here, Fred, try out
my electric magnifying glass.

-(CRACKLING)
-(FRED STUTTERING)

-(GROANS)
-Whoopsie!

That's my electrifying
magnifying glass.

I'm not sure
why I invented it.

The trail ends at
the museum of future sciences.

Why would
the Urkelbot come here?

Because I donated him
to the museum, silly.

He lives here now.

Why didn't you
say that earlier?

Eh. Didn't seem important.

Oh, well,
let's see if he's inside.

Oh, no, you don't.
Not you, Steve Urkel!
You're banned.

You're always breaking things.

You can't ban me.

I've got a lifetime pass

for donating my robot
to this museum.

(DIRECTOR GRUMBLES)

Ow! Ooh!

Did I do that?

I will get you banned
from this museum!

I'll get a restraining order!

(SCOFFS) I'll beat it.

Just like I beat the last one
with my brilliant defense.

-Please.
-No.

-Pretty please.
-No.

-Please.
-No.

-Cheese please?
-No.

Plee... [WHINING]

Fine! Case dismissed!

Fine, go in.

But the more you destroy,
the more evidence I'll have

to finally get you
banned for life.

And then, I will have
my revenge on you,
Steve Urkel!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

You don't seem bothered
that the museum director
wants revenge.

Eh. Lots of people
want revenge on me.

Like that security guard
over there.

He re-wired my taser g*n,
so it hit me instead.

Now I can't feel my fingers
on my left hand.

I will get my revenge!

And the museum's
lunch lady.

Urkel blew up
my entire kitchen! Twice!

And I will get my revenge!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

What can I say?
I'm popular.

And I'm impressed.

This is the first mystery
we've ever been on

where we have
three different suspects

and we don't even know
what the actual mystery
is yet.

You're welcome. Come on.

WOMAN: Urkel!

Dear, dear Urkel,
welcome back.

I'm confused.

Shouldn't you hate Urkel
like any normal person?

Hate Urkel?
He keeps me employed.

How do I keep you... Oh!

Like that. (GIGGLES)

Thank you, Steven.

DAPHNE: Now where would
Urkelbot go?

To the robot exhibit.
Follow me.

(YELLING)

Did I do that?

Job security.
Thanks, Steve.

Wow! These robots
are impressive.

URKEL: Urkelbot!

Oh! Don't worry!

I'll have you
fixed up in a jiffy.

But that whole leg
will need to be replaced.

(SIZZLING)

Mister, got any cheese?

(LAUGHS) Oh, it's good
to have you back, buddy.

TECHNOMANCER:
You are not welcome here!

I am the Technomancer.

This is my domain!

I rule this museum
and all its technology!

Attack!

Guys, follow me.
I know every inch
of this museum.

-Uh, except for this room.
-Run!

Duck below the windows
and keep quiet.

(WHIRRING)

(STIFLES SNEEZE)

Phew, close one.
Thanks, guys.

(HORN BLARING)

Like, we're doomed!

No, we're not.

We'll drive this baby
on outta here.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Hurry, Urkel.

They're almost here!

It's now or never, man!

All aboard!

(SQUEAKING)

Like, I guess you can't
argue with results.

Yeah. Good...

This is not over!

I will get my revenge!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Well, now we know
who hacked the Urkelbot.

And that Technomancer
must really want to keep us
away from the museum

for a very good reason.

If so, then why did
the Urkelbot rampage
through the city

when it only brought
more attention to the museum

and thus the Technomancer?

Well, g*ng, it certainly
looks like we've got
a real mystery on our hands.

We need to find out
what this Technomancer
is up to, and fast.

Oh, yes.
The more you destroy,

the easier it'll be
to have you banned forever
from this place.

Sir, you need to shut down
the robot exhibit
and the whole museum.

Someone's taken control
of the robots
and wreaking havoc.

I don't care about
any of that anymore.

As long as Urkel
pays the ultimate price.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Well, he's just
not very nice.

-And very suspicious.
-Agreed.

Let's look for clues
and find out what
the Technomancer is up to.

Hey, check this out!

It looks like gravel
but I think it's coal.

And I know just where
there's coal in this museum.

This mine
is the museum's first exhibit.

They transferred it here
in its entirety
from Southern Illinois.

(WHIMPERS)
Creepy coal mine.

Velma, I made
this remote for you.

If you lose your glasses again
like you always do,

then just hit this button
and voila, they'll return
right to you.

Hey!

Go on, give it a try.

(GRUNTS)

Velma, what did you do?

Jeepers! Over here, guys.

It's for smelting metal.

Probably put here
to make the rails for
the exhibit's mine carts.

Though I doubt those rails
are made of gold.

Gold in a coal mine?

Why in the world
would gold be here?

Oh, oh, oh, oh!
I think I know.

You see, there's a story.

A very strange
and mysterious story.

The legend of
the lost U-boat gold.

More than 70 years ago,

a submarine was
secretly transporting gold

when it was captured
by the Allied forces.

But mysteriously,
that gold was nowhere
to be found.

And that submarine
is here in the museum.

It's been searched
and searched,

but no gold has ever
been discovered on board.

It's just silly legend.

Maybe so, but we never
ignore a clue

no matter how silly.
Come on.

URKEL: Cool sub, huh?
What do you think?

I think it's making me
hungry for a tastier
kind of submarine.

Yeah, yeah. Yummy sub.

Mmm.

-Yo, Scoob, two points.
-Not in my dog house.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(GROANS)

Ouch.

Keep up the destruction.

We've searched
the entire submarine
and not one clue.

(SIGHS)
The trail is drying up.

Like, no gold, no robot,
no nothing.

Nothing.

At least we've kept
Urkel from causing
any more destruction.

You guys
don't have to worry about me.

-I promise,
no more accidents.
-(ALARM BLARING)

(expl*si*n)

Wow, Mama!
You don't see that every day.

I gave you
a chance to leave.

But now my robots
will eliminate you
once and for all!

Like, run!

VELMA: (GRUNTS) My glasses!

I can't see
without my glasses.

Hurry up, Velma.

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

Zoinks!

Hey, my glasses.

(METAL CLANGING)

Oh, thanks, Urkel.

Your invention really worked.

Interesting.

This feels way too light
to be metal.

It's plastic.

Looks like this mystery
is really starting
to come together.

(KISSING)

FRED: Excuse me.

-Can we have a moment?
-You may,

but Urkel must
wait in the hall.

This is my office with
my own personal belongings

that I do not want destroyed.

Oh, don't worry, g*ng.
I'll be fine... (YELLS)

This broke off the U-505

and we were wondering
if parts of World w*r II subs
were made of plastic.

No, it's all original parts.

That's what I thought!

This plastic looks almost
as if it were made yesterday.

Did you ever replace
any parts of the submarine
with plastic?

No, no... Never.

What? Uh, why?

Hmm. You seem nervous.

Yeah. As if something we said,
like, bothered you.

No. I'm nervous because
I can see Urkel right
outside my door.

You rang?

(CRASHING)

(OBJECTS CRASHING)

Colonel Pinkipuff!

I shall have my revenge,
Urkel! Revenge!

All these clues are adding up.

But to be sure,
we need to catch
the Technomancer.

But, like,
if we draw him out,

he'll have more
scary robots!

I hate scary robots.

Fear not, for I have an idea
for a secret weapon.

Oh, uh, that sounds,
uh, great.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

URKEL: When the secret weapon
is finished,

it'll take down
the Technomancer
once and for all.

I just need
a few more minutes.

We don't have
a few more minutes,

because the Technomancer
is already here!

(TECHNOMANCER LAUGHING)

I am the master
of technology.

Whatever your
secret weapon is,

it will be no match
for my powers.

Robot minions, attack!

-(SCOOBY WHIMPERING)
-Yikes!

(VELMA SCREAMING)

FRED: Whoa!
Hold the phone.

VELMA: Urkel, hurry!

URKEL: Almost there.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Done! I give you...

Urkelbot 2.0.

(ROBOTIC CHATTER)

Ha! That robot
is your secret weapon?

It is as nerdy as you are!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

The Urkelbot has been
upgraded to now be
ten times nerdier than I.

(CHUCKLES AND SNORTS)

Urkelbot, attack!

Hiya, fellow metalheads.

We're gonna be best friends.

Say, got any cheese?

BOTH: Does not compute.

Too much nerd.
Too much nerd.

How about a few science jokes?

I'm reading a book
on anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.
(LAUGHS AND SNORTS)

ROBOTS: Does not compute.

Too much nerd.
Too much nerd.

Hey, what does
a subatomic duck say?

Quark. (LAUGHS AND SNORTS)

-ROBOTS: Does not compute.
-This...

This can't be happening.

Did you know that the roundest
knight at King Arthur's table
was Sir Cumference

because he ate
too much pie?

ROBOTS: Does not compute.

Too much nerd.
Too much nerd.

Now, guys!

No. No!

Hey, he's getting away.

All part of the plan, Scooby.

While he was distracted,

-I attached a tracking
device to him.
-(DEVICE BEEPING)

-We gotta follow that truck.
-On it, Fred.

Shaggy, Scooby,
come with us.

Uh, no thank you.
I think... (YELLS)

With Urkelbot's new mods,
we can cause

the Technomancer's
truck to slip and slide
with an oil slick.

Once we're in front of him,
I shall press the button
like so.

(BEEPS)

FRED: Whoa!
Hang on, g*ng!

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

(ALL YELLING)

Scooby, look what you did.

Did I do that?

No!

(ALL YELLING AND WHIMPERING)

(BEEPS)

(YELLS)

Oh, no, you don't!

Now let's see who
this Technomancer really is.

ALL: The Janitor?

But... But why?

It's quite simple, really.

While cleaning the submarine,
the janitor scratched
the paint,

revealing the gold
underneath.

The legend was real
and the gold was still
on the submarine,

so she hatched a plan
to steal the gold.

She had easy access
to the robots

and used them
to carry the gold pieces
of the submarine

into the mine to be
smelted into gold bars.

Then she would hide the bars
in her trash can,

so she could smuggle them
into her truck.

She made plastic replicas
of the ship's pieces,

so that no one would know
what she was doing.

And I would've gotten
away with it, too,

if it weren't for
you meddling kids

and super-nerd,
Steven Quincy Urkel.

That's my name.
Don't wear it out.

Hey, wait. How come
only my Urkelbot went crazy?

How come you can control it?

Because the Urkelbot
is based on you.

Which means it was just
as nutty and ridiculous
as you are.

Well, I am one of a kind.

-DIRECTOR: Urkel!
-Uh-oh.

I guess I'm banned for life.

No, no, not at all.

Since you helped find the gold
which belongs to the museum,

we can now afford to build
lots of new exhibits.

You did me a huge favor!

Phew. Well, that's a relief.

(SHIP CREAKING)

(CAR ALARM BLARING)

URKEL: I guess
I'm banned for life.

(LAUGHING) That's okay.
I don't care anymore.

Because the museum
is rich! Rich!

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

It was nice
meeting you, Urkel.

Like, we consider you
our good new nerd...

Uh, I mean friend.

Good, new friend.

(CHUCKLES) That's okay.
I'm a nerd and proud.

And to show
my appreciation to you guys,

I made Fred
a remote control
for the Mystery Machine.

Here, Fred. To summon
the van to your location,

just press the button.
Go ahead, press it.

Huh? Wow,
that sounds really cool.

(PARTS CLATTERING)

Oh, wait.
Sorry, Fred, my mistake.

This is a remote detonator.

(CHUCKLES AND SNORTS)
Oh, well.

See you guys later.