01x13 - All's Well That Ends Well

[bunniefuu]

every time I look at

you I'm so glad that you're the

one I've been growing closer

to as the years of come and

gone sharing for good or

ill hardly a day

aart older out side but still young at

heart

[Music]

I'm back not before time I thought you

got lost was there a Queue at the

supermarket no no no it just took me

time had a good look arounded all the

bargains look at

that pilchards I didn't ask you to get

pilchards no I know no no but it was on

special offer 25p reduce from 35p I've

saved us 10 p a 10 how many tins did you

buy well I thought I might as well you

know take advantage of it how many tins

did you buy 10 P tins not to be sneezed

that are you going to tell me or aren't

you

20 20 20 tins of pilchards have you gone

mad well I i' I've saved us 22 and how

much did it cost you to do that we can

get 20 cheap meals out of them we can

have piles on toast for lunch all right

you can have some today did you get the

bread no

why not well after I brought the pill I

didn't have enough money for the

bread that's very nice isn't it how

would you like your Pils then with

chocolate digestives or assorted

creams have we no crackers only

you I think I'll uh go down to the

corner shop for a loaf oh no you won't

he might have a special offer of toilet

rolls no I'll get a loaf from the

Milkman when he calls right well I'll um

I'll just nip down to the

rifleman's just a minute pardon you're

always nipping down to the rifleman's

well I only have half never mind I want

to talk to you oh what about sit

down I've been

thinking we ought to do it in August I'd

like to think we' do it before

August I'm talking about holiday days we

didn't have one last year I don't see

how we could couldn't afford to cing on

our pension and I I don't see how we can

afford one this year oh yes we can by

courtesy of the insurance company we're

not borrowing are we no we had this

letter from them this morning one of our

policies has matured we took it out in

1957 4 Shillings a week oh I've

forgotten about that how much do we get

£250 £250

you can call it at the office and pick

up the money yes and uh shall I call in

the travel agents as well what for a

brochure we don't need a brochure yes we

do to pick out where we're going on our

holidays I already know where we're

going oh where's that the AIS of man I

don't want to go to the Ale of man why

not I don't fancy it oh it's very nice

you'll like it but how are you going to

get there you don't like flying we'll go

on the ferry you won't like that either

you got seasick on the Boating Lake in

Hanley

Park now why can't we go to Blackpool

barring last year we've been to

Blackpool for the past 20 years well

we've always had a good time I mean Mrs

Lawson keeps a good table no if only

she'd vary it a bit what do you mean

every year it's the same Monday lamb

Tuesday pork chops Wednesday Hot Pot

Thursday chicken Fridays fish Saturday

shepherd's pie and Sunday beef well we

we we get generous helpings that's not

the

point I'd like a change oh if you want a

change let's go to liths and ANS we are

going to the aisle of man and we're

going to stay at a private Hotel the

Bell Vista hey wait a minute youve not

booked already have you it was

advertised in the paper it sounds lovely

ah they always do till you get there no

no listen to this Bell Vista private

Hotel all rooms with see view as long as

you got binoculars television room if

you can get near enough to see it

central heating in every room I can't

sleep in a hot room fully licensed bar

it'll be

noisy Continental creasing that does it

I'm not spending my money on eating

Continental Muk you mean you'd still

rather go to Blackpool I would are you

sure

positive all right then you can go to

Blackpool oh well that's better but I am

going to the aisle of man

[Music]

they blame the government I when you got

to blame somebody haven't you they

couldn't care less about a SW

businessman we organized a mass rally

last week in Victoria Park a day of

protest we're going to send a petition

to number 10 to accuse the government of

apathy a waste of time why with

that nobody turned up same again job

hello Albert how

do women oh we only Supply drinks you

got to bring your own

woman have in trouble with the wife

Albert hi never mind never drink I'm in

the chair oh T have a terrible Creatures

Wives shocking she wants to go to the

aisle of man I wish mine would go to the

aisle of

man I want to go to Black pool you want

to put your foot down I did sure who's

the boss I told her who wears the

trousers in this house good for you yes

I decide where I go on holidays I said

what happened we're going to the island

man

cheers can I expect your business

sometime then

Albert he well I don't run a travel

agency for the good of me elf I can do

you a very reasonable fortnite in

Douglas £ 1220 including full board I'm

sorry ar e just found us a place in the

paper she's ruining my

business and John

yes she reckons I spend too much time in

here well you spend more time than money

yes I mean I shouldn't be here now you

know she told me to go straight to the

insurance office and straight back

she'll find out oh no no I'm only having

the one oh I was going to get you

another off yes well um few few minutes

won't make much difference hello is that

the insurance

company this is Mrs

KIA

KIA my my husband went out an hour ago

to pick up some money from a

policy

pardon are you positive he hasn't been

in I

see no no I'm sure nothing's happened to

him

yet say him again no no no Albert no no

no no no no it's my job have one

yourself I only drink shorts I have a

short beer then

that Harry very laughable and you better

be going to collect your money no no

plenty of time plenty of time how much

is it well to you that will be 90 ft

there F and don't keep the chain I

wouldn't dream of it well I think I

better go on the phone the insurance

company just to tell them to get the get

the money ready yeah 10 thanks

all right where is he where's who the

publican's friend well if you mean

Albert he's not been in here has he

Harry oh no no he's not here e we

haven't seen him at all have we Harry no

neither sight nor

sound what's up with you just a fly

[Laughter]

Ethel he's got here e try the flying

horse

[Laughter]

it's this hot weather I ever drinkle no

thank you I'll just have a look around

if you don't

mind who's your shy

friend uh it's his son yeah yeah it's

his son he doesn't speak

much quick Albert

where's your son disappeared

to um he had to go yeah that's he had to

go urgent appointment with his doctor I

expect about his hands his hands yeah

first time I've seen a young fellow with

old man's

hands must be a trick of the light it

was a trick all right a good friend of

my Alberts are you

never met him then how come you're

wearing his

[Music]

cap hello e I'm I'm sorry I'm late but

there was a long queue and the the bush

broke down and then on top of that

before you get completely carried away I

brought you cap home from the

pub I just

I just popped in for one did you drink

it with a teaspoon then no and I I um I

got involved you always do anyway I've

got some good news you've signed the

pledge no listen we got more than

£250 for that policy what you mean we

got bonuses bonuses we got

£410 all together there oh Albert that's

marvelous we can have a wonderful

holiday that's what I thought so I

slipped into the agents office on the

way back and I booked up for us did you

book us at the Bell Vista no I booked Us

in at the Royal Plaza oh that sounds

Posh it is

£40 each oh well I suppose it's not too

bad these days for a fortnite that's for

a

week a week

£40 a week each for a week in the aisle

of man yes that's that's another thing I

I didn't book us in at the aisle of man

where did you book us Malta

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh cheer o Albert the other man isn't

all that bad not as nice as malter and

Harry won't be all that pleased about

Ethel canceling it no I don't think

he'll

starve talk with the devil hello e would

you like a drink on the house I'm not

that hard up that I need charity I'll

have a port and lemon and another half

for his Lord ship and we'll sit at that

table happy now are you very well I'm

glad somebody is I take it from that

that you're not no not particularly to

tell you the truth I'm not all that

bothered about going on holiday perhaps

we should cancel it then won't worry me

pity sounds nice does malter I mean we

might just as well

did you say m yes but I thought you

wanted to go to the aisle of man I did

until I talked to AR and he showed me

some pictures it looks

lovely do you mean we're going then of

course we are oh we're going John you

just ordered some

drinks no no no no no we're going to

Malta I may we going to Malta oh you

talk her into it did you no no no Harry

did here you are and have one yourself

oh thanks Lord that's just a f

well here's Tamala she

is oh you think you like it well it'll

be a change from black

pole listen listen to this situated in

the middle of the deep blue

Mediterranean Malta has one of the

sunniest climates in Europe oh we better

take some sun cream we don't want to get

our shoulders burned or anything else

that might be

showing what do you mean

well you know what they're like on them

foreign beaches they're all they're all

topless not malter it's a Catholic

country they don't allow

it oh yes I do look there there's a

picture of topless sunbathers in this

boot where I don't see anyone topless

thereo all them

fellows you D begger what else does it

say The Royal Plaza Hotel was formerly

occupied by the Knights of St John in

the 13th century well I hope they've

changed the sheets since

then in spite of the blue tropical skies

and Continental atmosphere you'll still

feel at home everybody speaks English

and you can even pop in the britania pub

for a pint of English beer and a plate

of fish and

chips sounds just a place for us

[Music]

head

up what do you want I'm just fing in the

booking form what do you want full board

half board or Bed and Breakfast well

what do you think I think we should have

half board then we can go out for the

day and have a look around you know um

see a bit of the place like the batania

pub you

mean well is half board cheaper no full

board's

dearer oh well half board it is then

right now take that round to the travel

agents later and uh leave a deposit oh

give him the lot I don't like all that

money line about the house where is it

in my pocket I don't like you carrying

it around either well uh give it to me

what are you going to do with it um put

it in the biscuit ble eth now that is

the that is the first place of burglar's

going to Luke oh yes I better hide it um

where's a good place to hide it down the

toilet

what yes I saw this old film on TV and

there was this spy and he had this micro

film and he hid it on a piece of string

down the toilet well I'm not hanging our

400 down

now I get Flushed Away no I'll put it in

this drawer under these

cetes it'll be all right there till I

get back and where you going I'm going

to do a bit of shopping I'm going to get

her summer frock and some flannels and

the sports shirt for for you it'll be

hot in malter you're looking forward to

it now aren't you I am I've never had a

holiday abroad no no me neither would

would have thought that at our age we'd

be gallivanting around the Mediterranean

ah I only wish we'd done it sooner well

I don't it'll be better for waiting

we'll enjoy it all the more eth will

call you you're a real Bobby

dazzler takes one to no one see you

later don't be long oh don't worry don't

worry I I'll just sit here and read all

about malter out

out

a all right just a

minute hello yes I've call around for me

at oh sorry I didn't recognize you yes

yeah yes comeing in oh thank it's

upstairs now come on in make yourself at

home sit down

[Music]

nice looking kids hi have you seen the

Granddad is right oh thanks it h it

nearly worked oh yes well like a cup of

tea no no uh things to do better be off

oh well won't take a minute no no no I'm

I'm in a hurry I don't know I'd forget

my head if he was oh you came back for

his hat remember oh yes well i' better

be off then well see in the pub sometime

yes back to

around seems a nice looking fell he's

got mean looking eyes what you come back

for I remembered I hadn't got enough

money with me so I I'll take some of our

holiday money oh we'll leave enough to

spend when we get there oh don't worry I

want

it oh my God

what is it it's

gone gone the money it's

gone you sure you put it in that drawer

I put it in that drawer under those

cetes and it's not there well perhaps

it's fallen down the

back

£400 Well it can't just have vanished I

mean uh I was here all the time except

when I went upstairs

we've been bloody robbed I'm sorry

Albert I don't know who he is you've not

seen him then no from what you just told

me I don't think I'll be seeing him

again I just thought perhaps you might

know him I'm sorry heyo would you like a

drink uh no thanks no best speak getting

back home yeah well look I'll I'll ask

around that there might be someone in

here who'll know who he is hi not John I

good night

Albert it was just in a bundle all int

£410 altoe that's right I will say Mrs

CER it was rather foolish having all

that cash about the house well we only

got it this morning and we were going to

pay for our holiday with it this

afternoon a well mind I think you feel

bad enough without me rubbing it

in no sign of me oh this is my husband

he's a policeman detective Sergeant

Phillips oh well I've just been down to

the pub to see if anybody had seen him

perhaps you gave me a description he was

tall no more medium

what it's taller than me and I'm medium

I'd say you were short medium old dude

what color was his hair dark more mousy

I'd say let's just say brownish e eyes

mean looking all but what color brownish

I suppose I noticed he had a tattoo on

the back of his right hand what sort of

tattoo um some initials R see that's

right you know him then Ronnie Chadwick

we've been keeping our eye on him for a

long time oh that's good you can NAB him

then it's not as easy as that Mr CA but

listen he's got our money did you

actually see him put it in his pocket

well no no but I know he's got it you've

got to have proof but if you arrest him

he'll have the money if I know Ronnie

he'll be Miles Away by now time we catch

up with him he'll spent it all you you

mean we'll never get it back I'm afraid

not that money's gone forever

hi just like our

[Music]

holiday

Albert H I've been looking all over the

place for you just felt like being on my

own oh it wasn't your fault love yes it

was I should have been more careful you

weren't to know that fellow was a

bat but we've lost everything no we

haven't we still got each

other but all we have got it's good

enough for

me come on I'll let you buy me a

drink all right

ah here they are just the couple I want

to see it's about the holiday I've got

bad news for you he knows i' I've told

him and I've got some good news for you

that'll put that smile back on your face

well it'll have to be good news to do

that now some of these holiday Resorts

they do a cheap package deal out of

season especially for pensioners well

I've had a cancellation mind you you'll

have to go next week and it's not for

Malta it's for a joker oh it's very kind

of you Harry but we couldn't even afford

a cheap dat trip to Blackpool you can

afford this it's

free free with my compliments oh Harry

we couldn't accept that of course you

can you can't deny me the pleasure of

doing you a good turn a't enjoying this

and

here what says well we uh had a whip

round amongst the regulars the £70 in

there at just spending money oh come on

now

eth I never knew people could be so nice

that's because you two are the nicest

people we know now what do you

say but

Joker here we

come every time I look at

you I'm so glad that you're the

one I've been growing closer

to as the years come

caring the good

o i be the day

[Applause]

of that but still

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]