01x06 - Men Were Deceivers Ever

[bunniefuu]

every time I look at

you I'm so glad that you're the

one I've been growing closer

to as the years have come and

gone sharing for good or

ill hardly a day of

part Aller outside but still young

[Music]

as y Mrs

Kia are you there Mrs Kia I'm just

coming barar

love I'm just off to the shop oh you've

got a new dress what do you think very

nice I'm just trying it on it came this

morning mail order ever so cheap how do

you think it fits me always lovely what

about the shoulders yeah they're perfect

lovely length does Mr K like it he

hasn't seen it yet oh Well I'm sure he

will if he ever notices it I sometimes

think he goes around with his eyes shut

I'm sure if I dyed my hair green he'd

never even

notice morning Mr

Kia something up no no no no Haven you

noticed anything different about Mrs

colia oh yes of course course yes yes

you had your hair

done told you he was blind the dress Mr

Coler the dress yeah oh yes yes cleaned

up well hasn't

it it's new your barn pot oh is it

haven't you got another one like that no

but I'm sure I've seen another dress

like that somewhere it was in the TV

times but Elsie Tanner had it on last

month in the TV times styles for the 80s

well I wouldn't have thought it thought

what Els satana was

80 she's she's wearing well it's not her

age it's styles for the 1980s oh I see

oh you are Daft talking a DFT I was

Norman oh uh well he's at a union

meeting this morning well on a Saturday

well he said it was an emergency oh what

is it this time oh same as usual more

pay for Less hours mind you I wanted him

to come shopping with me nuis isn't it

yeah still it is his duty he takes it

all very seriously say him again please

John right coming

up well I better go and change this

dress I don't want to spoil it and I'd

better go and do me shopping do you want

anything today oh no thanks love

Albert's going yeah well I'll be off see

you later love bye

barara well that's nice of him to go and

do the shopping yes I can't understand

that he usually hates all that sort of

thing but he actually offered to go this

morning

[Music]

morning hey look at that

body

fantastic and those thighs don't tell me

let me guess preand better than that oh

Rael Welsh you're miles out oh all right

then who is this fantastic creature

that's better than britland or Rael

Welsh Kevin

Keegan a i starting to fany the fellas

now have we no only footballers and bman

oh thank you I'll be glad when the

cricket season starts why don't you like

football I'll tell

you you see when I were a lad I played

football for the school team once and

when I come off the pitch at half time I

got a standing ovation you scored a

hattick no on the way up the steps of

the Pavilion the elastic came in nickers

bust when I went down to pull him up I

got booked for showing dissent

morning all hello Albert Albert you're

just in time to buy me a drink I can do

better than

that can I have two glasses please

what's all this South African wine got

it at the supermarket free samples can I

can I have two glasses please well look

here I'm here to sell drinks not to

provide glasses for people who bring

their own well you can have a drop twoo

oh

well there be something different here

yeah that looks all right

right taste

it it's not bad y I've got six of these

how'd you manage that well the girl on

the counter was black you see and she

gave me six on account of being the same

color but you're not black nobody told

her the wife

was you get worse I mean the free shers

AR they somebody got to drink them he

drink up we'll have

another yeah hang on to that will you

what is it scraps for the dog you

haven't got a dog the butcher doesn't

know that makes very nice stew why don't

you go to your log and tell him you got

a cat as well no told that the

fishmonger fish heads fish

soup do you ever actually buy anything

oh yeah yeah now

again you like this put get taste for

you

mate it is you isn't it yes it

is I can vouch for that it is definitely

him I thought it was I saw you walking

down the street and I thought to myself

I'm sure that's him and it is yeah it's

me I can see that you don't remember me

do you no no no I'm afraid not and to

think he once proposed to

me it's all coming out now the secret

love life of Albert ker Compton Street

School Lily Lily doton that was yes now

Lily Higgins that was pardon oh my

husband left me a year ago oh I am sorry

oh I'm not I'm glad how's Ethel oh she's

fine oh good uh this is uh this is

Norman pleas to me you oh likewise well

it is nice to see him after all this sh

I thought you'd moved to Nottingham no

we came back just before my husband did

a bunk oh really well uh would you care

for a drink oh thank you yes I'll have a

large Scotch please large

SC um large Scotch John please large

Scotch yes put it on the

sleeve I tell you what we' had the drink

come back and have a cup of tea are you

sure athel won't mind of course she

won't mind she'll be

delighted Lily Higgins yes and you've

asked around here that's right well I'm

going out well I thought you'd be

pleased to meet her pleased to see one

of your Old Flames I've heard all about

you and her oh that is before I ever met

you never mind she's always fancied you

you're imagining things am I but about

that dance on V night when she got CH to

do the hokey kokei

she was all over you talk about shaking

it all

about just a just a bit of fun I don't

know how her husband puts up with her he

doesn't he's left her oh well he's got

more sense than I gave him credit for

there she is

now oh hello Lily hello Albert Lov you

shouldn't have come in the back

way you remember Ethel well of course I

do how are you oh you've put weight on

it's

it's contentment and good living you've

gone

thin yes well why don't we why don't we

all sit down eh I'll go and open that to

South African

wi I must say Albert's looking very well

he's kept his figure I hear your

husbands left

you here we are good oh you always were

a flatterer why don't we go in the front

room where it's more comfortable we're

all right where we are I don't expect

Lily will be staying long oh I'm not in

any

hurry oh thank

you here we

are Cheers in Two Old

Times nice isn't it oh it's very

pleasant I prefer white myself you

always did have a delicate stomach well

I must say Lily you you look very good

doesn't she eel

very man you you don't look too bad

yourself thank you well that's right now

I think it suits you gray hair I prefer

being natural rather than resorting to

the bottle well personally speaking I do

like to try and keep myself attractive

well I must say Lily you you've done a

very good job oh you are sweet but then

you always were while we're all

exchanging compliments I must say that

you you look absolutely marvelous oh

well you know I I keep myself fit you're

a very lucky woman e you've got a

marvelous husband yes and I aim to keep

him I suppose he's ever such a handyman

aren't you well I do all the OD jobs

about the house you know do you know

that's what I miss I'm hopeless it we're

changing plugs and things every time

you're stuck just give me a shout oh you

don't mind of a borrowing then Ethel no

of course you don't do you look not at

all perhaps we could start renting you

out for the

hour that's not a bad idea eh of course

no charge for old friends oh are you

busy this afternoon yes he

is why uh what did you want me for Ethel

I haven't decided yet but I'll think of

something well that's a pity you see I

bought this new iron and I don't know

how to put the plug on still if you're

busy oh I'm not that busy

no when Take 5 minutes go do it now oh

well you are sweet got the front way

thank you here we

are I won't keep you

methyl at least no longer than

necessary let's fix that well you are

clever are you sure you wouldn't like a

drink uh no no thanks I I'd best be

getting along well what about this

evening oh don't worry I'll I'll be here

well that might not be too pleased oh

she won't know a shant tell it

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

I'm back Albert hello love oh I had to

wait ages in the

laundry you've got your best suit on oh

I and that tie I bought you last

Christmas oh I never noticed going out

somewhere uh yes oh that's nice I'll go

and put on my new dress where are we

going uh we there's a good film on at

the Roxy and we could call into a chippy

on the way back hang on it um we are not

going anywhere then why are you all

dressed up like a Taylor's dummy I I'm

going out you yes on your own by

yourself yes yes all right and where are

you going um meet Norman at the pob I'll

come with you no no no you can't it's a

meeting what meeting the um social

committee

I didn't know you were on the committee

I I I was corrupted this morning well

how long will you be I don't know do you

know these meetings drag on well what

about something to eat no no love I hav

time oh well perhaps you'll get a nibble

at the

meeting Yes Man very

likely anybody in it's me oh that was

good time and he just ready to go hey to

the

meeting what meeting you know Norman the

social club

meeting the social club meeting ah yes

yes

oh oh the um social club meeting where

is it this social club

meeting um it's

uh at the pob at the pub you don't sound

very sure about it oh yes I am I'm I'm

I'm very sure well come on Norman we

late uh turn around Mrs Kier tah expect

me when you see me

love I saw this rubbish about a social

club meeting I can't tell you now I

haven't time he just you back me up

where are you going if I told you you'd

be as wise as I am

[Music]

[Laughter]

come in it's

open I'm

here well it's a it's a bit Barky

outside well come and sit

down will you have a drink to warm you

up oh well I wouldn't say no yeah how

about you I never say no

sh this is a very very very nice house

you got here you know it's um it's um

cozy who won't to left me well provided

for do you know he left with just the

clothes he stood up in will he um will

he come back no he was a very jealous

man always thought I had me eye on

somebody else really terrible thing

jealousy

yes well shall we get

started might as

well I'll go upstairs to the bedroom and

get everything

prepared I'll give you a call when I'm

ready

right help yourself to another drink if

you want

[Music]

it when did you get to hear about this

meeting um not long ago that's funny

they didn't mention it before yeah I

must say Albert was acting a bit strange

well perhaps he was still a bit annoyed

about you throwing away his free

wine I was a bit hard on him mind you I

was a bit hard on Lily too oh I

shouldn't worry about it well I'm not

normally rude I'm sure it was six of one

half dozen of the other all the same I

shouldn't have said what I said she's

probably a very lonely woman well next

time you see it you can always

apologize you know I think I'll ring her

up now and

apologize I'll feel better if I

do will you answer it

[Applause]

Albert

hello

hello hello who is it Albert I don't

know I keep saying hello nobody

answers

hello must be a wrong number you can go

up to the bedroom now if you like

right whatever's the

matter it's Albert he's about to

pleasure himself with Lily

iggins oh

what do you think oh it does look nice

yes it's uh it's practically new well

they hardly ever wore it now are you

sure it's all right you're giving me

your husband's Overcoat oh of course he

told you he won't come back for it it

only get thrown

out

anyway looks nicer on you than it did on

him well I'm I'm very grateful oh don't

mention it now look there's that gray

suit upstairs are you going to try that

on no no couldn't possibly take a shoit

as well well you might as well that

you'll only get thrown out oh go on go

try it h well I am doing well Ethel will

be surprised

yes you knew didn't you I didn't know

anything about it honest you knew he

wasn't going to that committee meeting

yeah but I thought it was just an excuse

to slip out for a quiet point I just

can't believe it are you sure it was him

well of course it was him I ought to

know Albert's voice after all these

years well perhaps he just went around

to do a little job for her yes and I

know just the sort of job he'd have in

mind it could be quite innocent didn't

sound innocent to me just wait Le gets

back home oh now don't do anything you

might regret I won't regret it I'll

enjoy it you're all entitled to make one

mistake you're quite right Barbara but

he's made two mistakes his first is

going around to that woman's house yeah

what was the other me finding

out that was quick did you try it on

well um only the trousers they were a

bit big in the backside maybe look as if

I got Duck's

disease that's a Pity never

mind you all

right yes

why are you standing like

that I've had an

accident no no not that no no no um it's

it's my zip it it it's broken it it

won't do

up oh let me see no

no want to look at it you might see more

than your bargain for oh come on get

your trousers off and I'll fix no no I

couldn't do that Lily I couldn't do that

well you can't walk home with your flies

over

but not in this weather well I have my

overcat on nobody noticed oh come on

Albert get your toes

off go room

this would never have happened if he

hadn't retired how'd you make that out

well he's got more energy now hasn't

he perhaps he just gone around to talk

about old times from what I heard it's

more like an action

replay can't you just forgive and forget

no you can't throw away 40 years of

marriage over one little thing Barbara's

right I mean he's only human he was

tempted and he fell it could happen to

anyone it could happen to me now Barbara

would understand if I felt she'd forgive

and forget wouldn't you love wouldn't

I'd scratch your eyes

out that's a good idea where are you

going Lily Higgins oh I wouldn't do

anything like that don't

worry I'm not going to scratch Albert's

eyes out I'm going to scratch her eyes

out 45 P please yeah oh cheers uh hang

on same again that went down well a a

bit of Dutch courage before I meet the

wife oh right I've been a naughty boy

have

we you could say

that I think I better have one for the

road son I hope you're not driving

driving I mean it's only around corner

24 m

hey you probably know my M Lily

[Applause]

[Music]

Higgins

Walter hello Lily what are you doing

here well I've come back you love hav't

I oh

dear momy there be any rush to put the

flags out not very convenient well when

will it be

convenient can you come back tomorrow

tomorrow why tomorrow I mean what's

going on

nothing L Higgins what are you trying to

hide I don't know what you mean oh what

about these whose are these oh but

there're an old pair of yours just a

minute they're not my trousers here you

got a man in here aren't you well just

stop jumping into the conclusions

there's absolutely nothing going on oh

really well we'll see about that won't

we it's a bit chilly in there without

my oh

hello this is my husband how' you do

[Applause]

ah I thought as much you're man mad oh

he not what you think well don't tell me

he's com to read the gas meter no no I

can explain oh I bet you can mate I know

you're so for goodness

[Applause]

s

good I don't know why you couldn't have

told me instead of letting me think the

worst well I wanted to surprise you you

did that all

right you were jealous weren't you I

wasn't

no of course you wen't I won't leave you

eth I hope not not for her

anyway poor Lily still it's all turned

out for the best she's got her husband

back yes yes pity what do you mean a

Pity hav haven't got any Overcoat

now but colia you're a

caution come on fruity let's have

another drink before you take me home

every time I look at

you I'm so glad that you're

the I've been growing

closer As

It

sharing

o the way

of oh left side but still

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]