01x10 - January 6, 1999

[bunniefuu]

Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is

It Anyway?On Tonight's Show, person with

flavor, it's Wayne Brady. Melching your

mouth, but not in your hand, Denny

Siegel. Good to the last drop, Colin

Mochrie. And goes down easy, Ryan

Style. I'm your host from Garrett

Mondale. Let's have some

fun. Hello.

HelloHello, how you doing?

Welcome to Whose Line is it anyway?The

show where everything's made-up and the

points don't matter. If

you're if you never saw the show before,

what happens is our performers going to

come out here and they're going to make

up everything right off the top of their

heads, right in front of your eyes, based

on suggestions that are written on these

cards, which they've never seen before,

and based on suggestions from the

audience. And then I give them points. I

don't know why, because the points don't

mean to things. I just pick whoever I

like at the end of the show. They get to

win, and then they get to do a little

something special with me.

Yeah, that's what I said right here on

network television. I

don't care who knows it either. Let's

start with a game called Questions Only.

This is for all four of you. Denny and

Wayne, you're gonna start it off. They're

gonna start a scene, but they can only

ask questions. That's all they're allowed

to do is ask questions. If they go wrong,

I'm gonna buzz them out. The other person

will take their place. The scene is

you're in a daytime soap opera. And it's

questions only, so go ahead. Have you

seen my heart?

Don't you recognize it crushed in my

lily-white fist?Why did you leave me,

Gloria?Why did you tell me my twin sister

was prettier?Why didn't you work out

so you look like her?

How does this feel?

Oh! Ow!

Are you Mrs. Phillips?

Are you Mr. Phillips?Who's

asking?Are you aware you're going to be a

father?Who's the mother?

You don't know?Don't you know

I've had a wide experience of women?

Are you Dutch?Why

should that be taken into account?

Would you believe that I'm your son?

Do you mean from that one night of

passion with Geralda?

What you talk about, Daddy?

Why don't we stop playing around and tell

me what you want?Care for a back rub?

What do you think you're doing?Don't you

want a real man in your life?

Why not?

Don't you know you have to leave this

town, Gary?

Did you hear Gary left?

Didn't you?Too late. Okay,

that's it, right there.

Why should I give you points for that?

Would a thousand be too many?

Questions only. Okay, let's go on to a

game called Song Styles. This is for

Wayne with help. Laura Hall and the

piano. Laura Hall. Whoo! Okay.

So let's wander

up into the audience. Let's kick out

somebody. Hi. What's your name?

Sheila. Sheila. Nice to meet you, Sheila.

What do you do for a living?I'm an

attorney for the INS. You're an attorney

for the INS. Uh,

Cece. Sound on her, Sheila, say hi to

Wayne Brady.

Wayne, this is Sheila. What's the

audience?Uh, the Internal Immigration and

Naturalization Service. Oh, Cece. Yeah.

Despite the... yeah. Despite her

appearances, she claims to be an

attorney. She's an

attorney, yeah, so is Susan Day.

Uh.. Wow. Every good-looking woman's an

attorney. Okay. Okay, Sheila, you're an

attorney, I believe it. And she works for

the INS, and you're gonna be singing a

song to her in a gospel style.

Like a gospel song. So, Sheila, INS, go

ahead.

Whoo!

Oh, Lord Now your

love is a

thing That I want in order

But you keep stopping me From crossing

your border Why

don't you let me In

To your plane

Oh! Come on, everybody!

I'm trying to make my way into yourcountry

But all your friends, they start to hunt

me I wanna

give it to you because you've got

experience ohh But

when I migrate, why don't you come to my

defense?Hey, I'm gonna

run for your love I'm gonna swim

for your love I'm gonna swing for your

love I'll run for your

love Because the dogs and the guards

can't stop me from jumping your fence

Your love you can't deny Oh,

nah, nah Now your love you can't

deny Oh, Lord Please help

me get on in Oh,

hola, welcome. Oh, thank

you. Yeah,

Sheila. Thank you very

much for this show. Oh, ohh man. Thank

you, Laura. I think you went, Hey, can't

stop my love from jumping your fence.

That was a true story, too.

That's... That's

worth a million points for the next show.

Thank you. Now let's go to a game called

Newsplash. This is for Ryan, Denny and

Colin. What's gonna happen is Ryan and

Denny are gonna be two anchors in a news

studio. Colin's going to go out to be in

the field to be the field reporter. He's

going to stand in front of this green

screen here in the studio. As you can

see, it's just green. He can't see what's

behind him, even if he looks right at it

because it's only going to be green to

him. But we can see what's going to be on

here in the studio and on these monitors

and he has to try to guess what it is.

Ryan and Denny are trying to give him

hints and whenever you're ready, go

ahead. Good luck to you, Colin. So a

little breeze on it doesn't bother you?

No, not at all, I like it. Ohh

We interrupt the show for a special news

bulletin. Yes, we've got Colin Mochrie

out on the field reporting live. Colin,

how are the conditions out there?Well, as

you can see, things have

just gone beyond all...

I mean, look. It's

unbelievable what's happening here. I am

afraid for my life. Colin...

Colin, do you have any idea how this

whole thing started?Well, it all started

at a revival of The King and I, starring

Jerry Springer.

From then, it just spilled out onto the

streets and chaos, chaos, chaos.

Now, Colin, I notice that you're somewhat

appropriately dressed. Are they accepting

you as one of their own?Yes, I've had no

problem fitting in.

They seem to think I'm one of them.

Really?Now, I've I've

got to ask you, is it difficult for you

to keep your professionalism in this in

this midst of all of this that's

happening here?Do you feel tempted to

join in?I am so tempted.

The only thing that's giving me back is

this incredible sense of dedication that

I have, or I'd be right in... Look, right

there. I'd be right

there. Right there, right there. But I'm

here to get the news. That's what I'm

here for.

Colin, I understand... I understand

there's a twist to this story. Yes, there

is. What would that be?Do I know what it

is?Yes. Well, of course, all these people

are from the Senate. Really?

That's the twist. Colin, I know this must

be a real beach for you to be out there.

We appreciate all the information you've

given us. Yes?Colin, when do you plan on

leaving?Well, right after the tournament.

What tournament is that?That would be the

naked volleyball.

Uh.. Want to give it one more clue for

Col. He's so close. Uh, I

understand, uh, they've caught some fish

in a net?Yes. And I

tell you, it was bingo at this beach

party. Yeah.

Hey, we're gonna have a commercial. When

we come back, I'll watch for Whose line

is it anyway?So go away.

Hey, welcome back to Whose Line Is It

Anyway?The show where everything's

made-up and the points don't matter. Hey,

if you're keeping score at home, don't

forget, send in your name and address for

having a drawing to see who gets to watch

the next episode of Whose Line Is It

Anyway?in the comfort of their own home.

Could be you.

Now let's go to a game called Sound

Effects. This is for Colin Ryan. Colin's

gonna improvise the scene. Ryan's gonna

provide the sound effects form. Here's

the microphone. The scene is...

you're uh.. you're an Eastern European

Olympic gymnast.

And you need a perfect 10 on all your

routines.

I'd love to give you a lot of points for

that, but I distinctly said gymnast and

all your things for track and field.

But, hey, nice try. And now let's go on

to a game called Weird Newscasters. This

is for all four of you. Denny, you're

gonna be anchor of a news show, a local

news show. Colin, Wayne, and Ryan are

gonna be the helpers on the show. Colin,

you're the co-anchor, and Denny has been

spreading rumors about a disastrous state

with you. Talking bad about you behind

your back. Uh, Wayne, you're doing

sports, and you're caught in the middle

of a busy freeway. And, Ryan, you're the

weatherman, you're Frankenstein's

monster, and you're looking for a mate.

I don't know why we came up with a big,

tall, scary guy for you to play, but hey.

That's how it happened. So,

Denny, whenever you hear the music, go

ahead and start.

Hello, and welcome to the 6 o'clock

evening news. I'm your anchor, Fifi

Leadbottom, and my therapist is on

vacation.

Our top story tonight, researchers

working at two major universities have

discovered that nobody cares anymore if

you work at a major university. And

now,Now for more news, over to my

co-anchor, Ripley Back. Ripley?

This just in, 10 out of 10 men need a

second chance. A

second chance, that's all I need. I

didn't know your shirt was flammable.

I didn't know! Oh,

God. Ripley, you need a breath mint, get

ahold of yourself. Moving on now,

we're going over to our sports guy, it's

Ripley Arm. Ripley?

Yeah, thanks. Thanks. All right, now, uh,

the state of the whole basketball thing

is a... is nothing's moving. Nothing...

Nothing at all?What?Your

mama?

Oh, what?WhatHuhWhatI will kick-- uh-oh,

uh-oh, okay, okayBecause the lockout--

lockout, damn, I'm locked out. Fine.

Okay, look, I'll get right back to you.

It appears that nothing's moving at all

right now, and--

Well, that's gonna be the end of his

sportscast for a very long time. My

mother had a really nice time. Why don't

you just accept her?Speaking of a

nice time, it's a nice time to go to our

weather guy, Just Ripley. Just...

Rain on weekends.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

ohh

Call me! Call me!

And that wraps it up for the 6 o'clock

news. Join us later for News at 11. Thank

you, good night.

Oh, ohh a thousand points each.

One point for every night, I'll be

dreaming of that.

Let's go on to a game called Scene to

Rap. This is for Wayne and Denny, and

then Ryan O'Connell join them later.

Wayne and Denny, you're gonna make them a

scene, and you're gonna be rapping

throughout the whole scene with the help

of Laura Hall on the piano. Laura Hall.

Uh, what I need from the audience is a

suggestion for a kind of a disaster you

might make a movie about. Earthquake.

Earthquake. Earthquake's the first one I

heard. We'll take Earthquake. Got it. Got

Earthquake. Thank you.

Earthquake it is. Okay, let's

sear the earthquake rap. Uh uh

uh uh Listen to me, baby

Now I know with you my love is complete

You make the earth move under my feet

You're a big, handsome man and you're a

cop But baby, the earth is moving and it

just won't stop Now I don't know what is

going onWake the daughter, wake the

son. Something bad is coming round.

Look, there's a big old crack in the

ground. Whoa! Say what?There's a crack,

oh. There's a crack. Crack, there's a

crack. Nothing usual kind of crack. Now

wait a second, girl. I hear what you say.

Kids, get up the doorway You better get

it, get there fast Or else a big rock

will fall off your a*s Better move, move,

move, move I'm moving off what?Because

you're better 'Cause the ground will

break All that is right and that is that

Did you know earthquakes can be predicted

by cats?Who are you?Oh, oh, what do

you do?I know you're running There's a

lot at stake 'Cause the ground just

started to shake I'm okay, I'm not

sunk I ain't moving 'cause I'm drunk

He's drunk! Yo, get on the door jam!

Stand back, everyone, only one chance I

am the Lord of the River Dance I'll do

something to stop the vibrations By doing

the dance of the Celtic Nation

Thank you. Ohh Harrison, where

do we go to commercial?right now, we come

back. We want to find out who the winner

is. They get to rule something special

with me. Don't go away! More Who's Line,

ready for this.

Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is out of

the way. The next winner is Denny Siegel.

Denny Siegel's the winner. Uh,

what we're going to do for you tonight is

she's the winner, she gets this down. The

rest of us have to do our favorite Who's

Line game, Hoedown. Yeah, we're back to

Laura Hall on the piano.

What I need from the audience is a

suggestion of a major life event.

Blind date. Blind date. Blind date we're

gonna use. Okay. Uh, Laura Hall, whenever

you're ready, let's hear the Blind Date

Hoedown.

So there I am, I got a message in our

bottle I'd won a free date with a

tall supermodel She was about

six foot five but the date was really

lame I didn't have a good time 'Cause we

played the crying game

I used to hate blind aches They never did

work out They'd give me a kiss on the

cheek And then they'd throw me out

Nowadays, my blind aches go off without a

hitch I know I'm not good-looking, but

I'm really, really rich

I had a blind date. It really was the

pits. Nothing worked all night.

I kept getting hit. She really was

a*usive. Man, oh, man, oh, man. But

what else can you expect when your blind

date is Roseanne?

I had a blind date just the other

night. The type of girl that really

shouldn't be in the light. She wasn't

really attractive. She was kind of bland.

But she still beat the hell out of using

my right. Good

night, everybody. Thanks for watching

Here's My Light. We'll see you next time.