01x01 - Orange Volvo

[bunniefuu]

here's what I think we'll do you get in your bikini and I'll get in my tank top we'll take a picture that's pure clap

you gotta rub their promising your career in modeling areas with the mullet be modified by level nice-looking

haircut is all I can tell you about that [Music]

that's a bad look on you

you're a real inspiration and I'll tell you what an imputable journalist this is those were the facts I got your fax

right there that's pathetic is what that is young Ben the kid with a 50-50 shot

of being like you which is which is a sad sad state but

here's the one nobody okay let me just say something there nobody in this room can figure out what you got on that girl

that you extorted a marriage bottom not her well in any case I just want to

raise a glass to your Chandler smight hey I'm being serious the one guy I know don't have a cynical bonus buddy you're

against asked for turf you're against the designated hitter you're against the Chicago Cubs and for the st. Louis Cardinals and for that I raise my glass

we love you inspire yourself love me too [Applause]

[Applause]

Hey

Hey so again there [Music]

[Music]

good morning smile Hey

think of it as headquarters how did I get here little angel brought

ya little angel well if you get the license plate on the truck that hit me don't know that yet this guy does he

ring a bell mm-hmm that's the truck all right not gonna mince words mr. Smythe

what I'm gonna tell you is gonna come as a shock fact is you were m*rder*d last night dead on arrival at cedars-sinai

hospital kind of death 3:14 a.m. you know k*ll plain and simple nothing too unusual in that you were witness to

something that might be called well peculiar you you are the worst actor

that I have ever seen Orson put you into this left a pretty grisly corpse don't you think so

very impressive let's see I get a phone call right you

want to talk to your lawyer I want to talk to my son I want to tell him I'm okay you are not okay you are dead

you're really not gonna give this a rest are you try to think back to last night what do you remember

kid the mugger but I don't know it seemed like you turn into something some kind of a demon that's what he wasn't

pointed back a demon demon the guy you saw getting mugged it's one

of our operatives see mr. Smythe beneath the facade of

everyday life battle is being waged you mean back on earth correct now this

isn't some petty g*ng fighter of mob turf w*r hello I'm over here this is a battle to put it in layman's terms

between good and evil light versus dark us versus them essentially what you saw

was a skirmish in that larger conflict something very few mortals ever see

you know I take it back here you're a really good actor

[Music] right now you're on the bubble what do

you mean I'm on the bubble he means you might not get in upstairs Oh heaven right has different names come on Smythe

are you trying to kid you're a type-a workaholic totally obsessed with being a reporter which granted you are good at

but it cost you in other areas like being a father totally self-involved

it's a good thing your wife my wife my wife is dead we know great gal

fantastic mom you think you'd have taken up some of the slack with them after she died but you didn't that makes things a

little dubious upstairs they just might hit you with a reject stamp and that would mean life in hell Smythe so we're

here to offer you deal give you a chance to redeem yourself what kind of a deal we'd like you to

become an operative in the core if I do save souls be a hero

why me well let's just say you have the tenacity to pick on guys that are bigger

than you are everybody's bigger than me you have a certain willingness to see things to know not many people get a

chance to do it over

[Music]

the sentimental call welcome back now

okay so when do I start a man torn from his family

m*rder*d in his prime only to return to earth resurrected we'd like you to

become an operative in the course by day we say it sold as an agent of the almighty cause

Chandler meet your new part with no magic no special powers a business firm

intimate contact unrecognizable to those from their past is Chandler's Mike and his McNeal now

fake to save lost soul against the minions of darkness deals with the devil effect is our job to stop it is he

always like this versus P G versus e that's what it is

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

I've given job and I'm here to teach you how to quit

evils as thousands of people who have made a deal with the devil a Palestine

can be safe if a core member gets him to renounce if he does not renounce he will

die and become immoral I am Allah is the mortal danger but you see things you got

to know number one no steps because how do you

know you won't have sex with them Allah if you made contact with your way mother

sister above they won't know anything about you they won't recognize you in any form of fashion the morlocks find

out that you may contact one of your relatives and of course they will go after them they will infiltrate your old

family you are more and because you are model

you are susceptible to die you get hit by a bus a car run over it you're dead

when you go out there to hunt down Morlocks and k*ll them you have to do things on long so keep that in math no

magic no crystal ba*ls k*ll or be k*lled

[Music]

[Music]

I couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a handful of $50 bills

[Music]

you're late Smyth

Walker intelligence well this is good baby Holly with divisions more deals

with the darks per capita than anywhere on earth heels for sex power money fame loves

it's all here come on the guys are waiting

who are these guys most wanted list top ten more locked baddies Wow Don King

Orrin Hatch leann rimes well that's a given Gavin McCloud you're telling me

that the captain a Love Boat isn't more like that's exactly what I'm telling you and him the mysterious lriend not to

give you the heaves or anything but this a Lorenz guys - real nutjob how do you mean it's just young agents of elements

got ahold of one night and brought in one of those paper cutter things you know with the long blade he didn't yeah

I did I told him in no uncertain terms that he was gonna start whacking off digits until he jerked

did he do it

I'm telling you Ella Ren's is crazy he'll k*ll anything even other Morlocks trees these stories are a dime a dozen

with Ella runs I suggest that you stay clear of him until you get your sea legs

it's stiff no cable neighbors are freaks Chandler co-workers upgrades hang in

there you think see um no it's nothing to do with Vietnam Barbarella how do you

think she's got the role and Barbarella hang out here come and get you meeting

you thanks I [Music]

work here I said I said do you work here

Michael my first day I I said was my first day early yeah

hit the ground running you've been working here long that's too long look I

thought maybe you know you could fill me in and tell me what the average day was like I'm outta here oh you know you you

come in try do a little paperwork get pestered by rookie things I'm really really so what are you working on now

[Music]

huh so that's your new part to me nice what happened under you up in

the good agent Hammond ah how do you know his green Henry for all you know chin looks hey Chan you know the basic

moral axis demons forces them to made a deal with the devil is he always like this every day enough of the slapstick

annex what do you make of this oh no way you know the case yeah I read about this

there was this cop hassling this Russian immigrant who finally got fed up he k*lled a cop and I got sent to jail

Tomek or something right the guy's been busting rocks in Bakersfield for over 15 years if Tomek k*lled this cop flew to

London then why is somebody offering a reward for Grudzielanek skillet huh all right I'll bite no we want you to find

out smite more likes read the papers too you know anyone willing to plop down 50 grand for information as a prime

darkside target more locks are drawn to people with strong desires what we want you to do is go check this out make sure

whoever offered the reward hasn't gone fast II see mr. Smythe gone foster it means she may have made a do it to death

deals with the devil or bad it's our job to stop them look pretty confident for his day yes

I'm just cool that way yeah well as a fine line between cool and stupid you get to cool you might miss the mall I

can stand right next to anybody we meet the potential more like in disguise so I want you stay on your toes and keep this

handy what's this standard issue more like k*ll it knife only way to k*ll them pesky dinos just soaked in the blood of

an innocent don't work it there's no one you knew

lovely all right so somebody's offering a reward for a case that's already been solved what's so hard about this job

well a little back up back up whoa my car my radio I'm sold man a nice guy a

Punchbowl she that trip you up dog see in a city full of car thieves no one ever thinks about still in the Volvo

station right so we get the get to know each other

crap by the way now or what we just give it in that dog Kenny family a brother bagging career

what about a wife theirs is an outdated concept I got a

kid I got a good good burger let's tuck it what's variables my sisters watch

and the wife dead so man whatever

that's why I took the gig you told me that if I logged a couple years in with the card and did well I

got gonna see her again you know up in heaven to hold your Brooke

[Music]

did you call the number in the ad mm-hm slow lady has sounded russian

compressions hey whatever do to you nothing I just hate him rolled over on his arse roll over on the commies they're a bunch of cheese hey I got

Russian friends you know okay just follow my lead all right pretend to be reporters all right keep it professional

just get in and get out

Holly ma'am we're with the LA Weekly I want to talk to you about your ad so

anyway we were down at the office and smyth Hill was like son was often reward to solve a crime that's already been

solved Kabir story yeah in fact the man has been in custody for the m*rder of officer losing left for over 15 years do

you think I know that the man in custody is my son you don't think I know where my son is here have some homemade

[Music] it's good not now look my son Tomek couldn't have

k*lled that man I promise you this that police officer vas a crook but they have a confession signed David every time

beaten from him and I thought this was a free country you must miss your homeland well sure but your damn [ __ ] hang on

[Music]

[Music] good yeah I

said everything Tomek become very famous you're not the first reporters to come

and knocking on my door hmm he tried every kind of appeared had 30 lawyers

the governor refused even his case

[Music]

she's turning breathing no pulse looks like she choked

down lever goat nuts yeah we have to give a CPR love the mother I think she's

had a good life yeah let sleeping dogs a lot of always say yeah don't mess with the natural order of things huh

Wow we're way the store now I have to call the cops

lightly Chandler we had enough trouble at the cops as it is

mm-hmm phone too well lucky InDesign that's bad so why would a Morlock bug an old lady's

phone dude they're more like cared about someone claim the reward all right so some more lock wants to keep Tomac in

the joint but probably the real k*ller okay plot thickens um I got an idea give

yourself home don't work your cell phone

all right just keep that shot okay cuz I got a lot of extra medicine don't answer that I

yeah this is a mr. Ford thicker I'm calling about your ad in the LA Weekly

though the one with the 50k yeah I know who the real k*ller is so so meet me

today at Ellenberger Los Feliz one o'clock don't be late you won't be sorry okay

good idea except for one problem what whoever's listening is gonna expect to

see Chester there looks like the boys might have choked on

that first assignment on a donut Oh Joey

where's my car where the gives your car

didn't you say something about nobody would steal a Volvo station wagon can I have a moment to myself no please

chlorophyll stolen time is 11 o'clock we're onto something I said we go see what Tomac has to say for himself but I

say you could speak biggest or maximum-security prison thanks you know there's a reason why

they're so hot oh you know I don't know because guys on the court who know about the eyes have a funny habit ended up dead in Rio I always thought my heart I

just can't wait to see you comes face to face with some rabid more like who's only thought is to cut out your heart fricassee it and eat it I can take care

of myself neither [Music]

who the hell are you we're of reports from the LA Times

Dispatch Nick I you know the guy anyway we wanted to do a story on your on your

case we already went to see your mom Chloe she missed a very much this we

said home cooking down I'm sorry to do a very special amazing moment anyway we

saw your story on TV and we thought we'd get your side that's not to accepted that was recreate she Chris Olynyk the

cop he was dirty come by the store every night late at night wanting money for what protection it was bad man a crook

sounds like the TV version so the police claimed that I confessed with I didn't see Americans have hatred of Russians

the Julie was easy to his lead because of this suit I am innocent I only know

what happened late at night the officer comes by my store very drunk

in then something changed

more specific you'll laugh at me think I'm crazy well

girl help you worship tell us the officer changed in Russia we have a

word for it but it doesn't mean the same thing here here you call it

demon I think surprise come on shouldn't the Italians

are different in America

Wow

you mean to tell me you you had the drop on this grizzly up at PB er fired six

shots but didn't hit iron yes about the guy at holds little once to you real

partner I don't need to hear anymore you think I'm crazy huh relative question but no well make you crazy there's

something else you should know I'm all ears I have been flamed they never found the body so huh no body the police

claimed that I buzz saw this body in a meat grinder what just were very inconclusive pointing I think I was like

this logic may still be a life and check out the conspiracy theory on

the Russian here gotta be proof you think that being hit by a truth you know that's a good point I think was that I'm

somebody execute it tonight tonight okay so we're working with a deadline

what o'clock okay we left our guy message hopefully he'll show just stay

frosty keep your eyes peeled meanwhile we've been doing some research on your boy bruises you'll antic Henry you

remember back in 89 we had a problem with some of LA's finest oh yeah yeah yeah that's one of the more likes penetrated the LAPD yeah see cops are

the first any crime scene right so these cop blocks get their collar the perp then told him they will spend the rest of their life in the big house they'd

have to make a false key until after a few years every collared felon for miles around and gone fast that was enough for

some of these cop warlocks they didn't stop there now they're honing in on the drug trade the pension laundering

schemes to work and that pissed some somebody's off most notably another confirmed warlock

lol Aaron's more like have cut that guy's fingers on exactly see there were seven of these more like cops already

took them off one by one really busy Last Man Standing was our buddy Edie grew ziyal and all right so you figure

that grooves faked his death pinned it on Tomek to avoid being whacked by this lrn sketch

we could get the reasoning you know it sounds like a cheap dime-store novel

hearing

[Music]

[Music] everybody okay

my fries man yeah have some of mine you guys are making me nervous Oh kid

mission accomplished you got the bad guys trying to whack you you're doing something right a

little goth Richards watching skarsgård she owns a tarot outfit on Hollywood why

is she here well she says she used to date Grudzielanek also corroborates the story that Brett's is still alive you

know it's got a Gretchen what was her relationship with him

sexual mm-hmm wasn't like it was a shock we think they don't aid might still be alive he's still alive I'd never left me

you know okay any ideas mm-hmm here in this plane huh how about a dress wise

friend might be privy to that information you know but I need a Ouija so what you know a we G just bridged the

astral plane for a minute ask some of the dear departed they'd know they'd know

yeah Ouija board around here say what a Ouija board what kind of Mickey Mouse outfit do you

think this is anyway look she wants one eye Harry this whole deal is about saving souls reducing the demon

population in Hollywood not some mojo hocus-pocus crap look she was wrong yeah we'll get her an eight ball maybe some

angel dust you want to a sit-in yeah [Music]

that's it order good uh place a location where I may be hiding GD w re AF good

drift do you astrally projecting English please no more tough break guys yeah maybe we

ought to call those people and tell them there Ouija board doesn't work GVWR ef-1

um do we have to spell it Bacchus alright faer wdg bats sorry hold it those are the first eight

letters of the first eight books of the bhagavad-gita of course it is and in the 8th chapter of the eighth book go to the

town of GE's areal to the city of maketo and find Bugan hog bogan ha ha that's Flemish 411 birth no no that is with two

O's this is one o it is German for youth hops there's three in LA County Oh Eureka

how did you not think of that sooner okay we got five hours to find Grudzielanek so Tomac isn't ex*cuted for

his so-called m*rder five hours plenty time just follow my lead all right no tag

lies no action here oh crap his head around not sure he's been a little jumpy

lately I've had a hard time keeping up with them yeah I think we can wait in his office you dudes can hang in here

make yourself at home I'll be downstairs if you need me oh

uh Henry you said you've been doing this how long huh

whoa whoa lookie here phone tap various buggers pictures of us

yeah I think we got our sn*per

and then this was the guy that had the old woman wiring him so if somebody comes by to collect the 50 large and

rats it Matty knows he's got a problem exactly so he bugs the old lady just to see if anybody

[Music]

[Music]

oh

wait that point

crazy

[Music] boom

[Music] you know will be to cool it for the night for the guy

had it forgive me I think a shoulder pretty egregious my personal saying

I am a wooden arm up come on come on that's my car that's my car right there

that's to

get back in here man come on

sir is more glue Bob tell me about it my Sophie's Choice assumption we can't give

up on unknown more like just to try to get your car back right I mean there's all the cost another both Oh besides

it's bad karma to get a testing material things no that's right we should take the spiritual road we should go for the

perp right right yeah hey compadre nice car

yeah appreciate it appreciate all your book

free [ __ ] klepto car still of Henry do you remember when I was telling you about my kid the delinquent he's sitting

behind the wheel of your car let's just say yes it's my son whoop yo buck what

you teach that boy still in a man's ride like that whoa wait wait hold up no look I understand your impulse to go after

your son but what about cover the guys it's my son no you can't let personal

concerns get in the way of the task at hand if you do you get whipped by the Deacons

wait asking wait it was a car thief frickin stay positive one room man you

can't have any contact with those to form a light kit won't even recognize

there's no way

she see men were definitely

[Music]

kid I swear run from me again

get in the car I said get in the car you heard me

hey tumeric coffee kinda like a nightmare just sit

around nothing to do but die

all right let's go time to face the music

hey man hey so how do you know so much about me who are you their guardian angel

remember just stand right there shut up

what kind of an operation are you running here Elizabeth excuse me done now you been here tried

to steal my friend's car smashed into a pole resulting in major body damage but you are gonna pay for to have fixed now

I'm gonna be coming by here once a week until we're even is this true then

answer her basically [Music]

[Applause] [Music] you seem so familiar I get that a lot my

name is Gavin Gavin MacLeod well Gavin he's gonna be grounded until further notice I can promise you that

Ben here's had a hard time bet his parents passed away

you do I'll be watching you mister who was that

guy I don't know [Music]

you did the right thing who cares about grizzly on acquaint yourselves more for

there's plenty more watch the catch thanks I appreciate it

so how'd it go well Grizz Olynyk is a Morlock but as we were in the process to

get him or not that would be a no I am not believing it good you know Chandler

maybe we made a mistake about you maybe you're not core material I'll make it up to you guys well how are you gonna make it up to it how

we'll find this Grizz ilanic guy I can have you checked the population of LA lately huh there Moscow's descended on

us [Music] guys I'm gonna have to get back here

message I don't know Ellis there's no need to raise your voice okay

I'm sorry you're gonna take a message to hell orange am I gonna k*ll you this

army I don't know lrn I know you think I'm stupid I'm tall I'm gonna play dumb

I have no idea how stupid you are I just know that I do not know anybody by the name of LRS you liar you're here to k*ll

me if you think I'm lying then pull the trigger but before you do process I've gotta be telling the truth why else

would I risk it oh no no not all you people work for him you're all trained and those my gates look I'm gonna tell

you one more time fat boy I don't know anybody by the name of hello rinse

[Applause]

whatever well you were out cold I subdued the suspect are you kidding

check yourself oh I intimidated them into a heart attack

best I can tell his ticker just blew out on me now that we got ed in custody get out

your cell phone and call somebody important in about 30 minutes oh my gets the juice you're k*lling somebody else gonna live

[Music]

in breaking news just moments before tonight Wilensky scheduled execution the

governor has agreed to pardon the immigrant topic this part comes in light of the stunning revelation that wolenski

supposed victim Andrews ilanic is alive and recovering from a heart attack in a

Southland hospital [Music]

wasn't one you look pretty good for a guy just out of cordon Airy why haven't

you k*lled me because we're not sent by Ella rands and we want to know what you know about him Chandler Smythe Hilary look new Ames little cool I

should know okay lrms wanted to cut more locks dead I was

the last one left alive so you faked your own death so he wouldn't come after me I'd go down to this little bodega

we're told Matt was a butcher I pull out one of those Morlock k*ller knives you b*stards carry around and I very carry

myself right in front of the lights only it's not a real knife it's one of us Pratt dice for the movies

top boom in comes an innocent bystander the one I rigged up in advance save

Tobin tries to back away from the whole thing but he's framed better than the Mona Lisa I faked my own m*rder and it

was perfect bagging Tomek that was just a sweetener hmm what it's all my doctor

Doyle's what do you mean are you friend innocent men innocent what are you

kidding he was lr inch top hip k*lled all of us I just faked my death

of frame so Tomac is an innocent aren't you

listening no he was big L's main assassin

[Music] must be your lucky day don't

I know what do you lift Phil what's it

going to be like sitting all alone at night wondering if I'm going to come kind of like a nightmare

[Music]

drive faster

[Music] guy's soul execution dealers let me put

the emotionally drained is there another way out of here

hey buddy could you directions to where Tomek went he would have been released tonight some rain to really see

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

now I really hate Russians

the boys fumble on the goal line but is Henry gone on a channel be his partner

you coming

what are you looking at I mean after all this you still want me to come our first mission let a more like assassin escape

death row just shut up and drive

[Music]

it's time for some vicodin medicine

[Music]