Semi-Soeter (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Thirty seconds.

Your coffee tastes just as good as mine.

Twenty seconds.

Ten, nine, eight

Let's smash this day.

Three, two, one

- Like pizza in your face!

- Like pizza in your face!

I'm here! I'm here! Chicken Man!

- Herman, your tie!

- Uh-uh! Chicken Man.

Okay, Chicken Man.

Get down from there. Give me your tie.

Hermien, did you remember your homework?

Check.

My little house, built with solar panels!

Wow! That looks amazing!

Herman, where's yours?

Here it is.

Oh, and what is that exactly?

Um

It's his self-portrait.

Or a very creative expression

of your small intestine.

Well done, my boy. I'm proud of you!

Be careful of Chicken Man!

Aha! What do we have here?

A cat in the bag.

Well, you are the cutest idiom.

Cutest idiot!

- Hey, Herman!

- Herman!

The only missing thing is your whiskers.

Whoa! Not the permanent marker.

I'll get my make up bag.

Hey, whose turn was it to

take Peet and Penarie back to their coop?

Hey, come!

- Go, go, go.

- Look!

Don't blame me when it's your fault.

- No, it was your turn.

- Dude!

- Herman, please.

- Uh-oh!

Not in front of Peet and Penarie.

Technically, that qualifies as m*rder.

How long have you been standing there?

Long enough to know

what the coffee in this house tastes like.

Hendrik.

More like "ouch"

if you're late for school.

Penarie says, "Howzit?"

Peet says, "Kiss-it!"

Lock him in a cage!

Suck, suck, suck! Buck, buck, buck! Fu...

Don't even think about it!

Put those chickens down!

- Okay, guys, calm down.

- Your lunchboxes!

Ah! Nothing like the smell

of fresh chaos in the morning.

Hey, Hendrik!

I swear, ten seconds ago

we were totally on top of it.

We trained them so well.

- Oh, flip.

- Do you think so?

You two, not the kids.

Mommy! Mommy!

Hey!

- Hello, my love.

- My kitten!

- Hello!

- Let's have a look at my cat.

- Hello. Hello, my bunny.

- Look at my cat.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

What did the doctor say?

Is little Henry going to be okay?

Luckily, it was just trapped wind.

All he needs to do,

is let it rip and he'll feel better.

Yes, he kicked up quite a fuss,

just like his mother did when he was born.

You squeeze one out, and we'll talk again.

Okay, team. Your godparents have to go.

Our office kids await.

Are you sure I can't lend a hand today?

Under no circumstances. Denise and I

have it under control, remember.

I'm the control freak,

you're the incubator.

- Through thick and thin?

- Mm-hmm.

Thick and thin.

Bye, you crazy lot!

- Bye, Auntie. Bye, Uncle. Love you!

- Bye, guys. Love you.

Hertjie.

- I'll wait for you outside.

- Bye.

I'll get my tie and briefcase.

Bye, Bassons!

Bye!

I'm crazy about them

Crazy about them, but just

as crazy about giving them back.

I have no idea how Karla and Hertjie

will survive this every morning.

I'd rather fight with a boardroom full of

grumpy old men than with a five-year-old

whose sandwiches aren't cut into circles.

Yes, you're right.

Raising kids isn't much different

from what we do at work all day.

Hertjie!

I'm just having a wee!

The only difference is when my clients

are difficult, I take away their yachts.

Ironically, we have all the skills

to be amazing parents.

Well

It's not too late.

Are those the words of The Jackal?

The same guy who made me promise

in front of the altar

that if he ever chose babies

over business, I could have him certified?

One can only do so many business deals.

Besides, that was a long time ago.

Exactly. We're getting old...

More mature.

And we've tried everything, JP.

Mojo and Amalgamated Media are our family.

How many times have we been through this?

And where do you think we'll find time

for a baby with our hectic schedules?

You eat more on a plane

than you do at home,

and I babysit neurotic clients 24/7.

It's not that bad.

We can change some things.

I can change some things.

Do you mean selling your 27 companies

or trading your McLaren

for a station wagon?

I can make a plan.

I can put a roof rack on a McLaren.

Okay, you have a point. We're too busy.

But just for the record, you'd be

the hottest mom at the parent's evening.

Someone wrapped

my briefcase in toilet paper!

Yep, definitely the right decision

not to have children.

For sure.

See you at the office.

Chancer.

Loser.

So, have you and Jaci

discussed the whole Dubai thing?

- We've discussed it over email.

- Oh!

Your phones have a fantastic marriage.

And it's not a "thing" yet.

Establishing a new rugby league

in the Emirates does not happen overnight.

We're doing our due diligence,

so is the investor and his guys.

Where does your wife

fit into this "due diligence"?

Jaci doesn't love it that I might

have to spend six months a year in Dubai.

Me either!

Look, if Jaci clinches

the baby product deal after this weekend,

we can technically let the Dubai thing go.

I'm just hedging our bets.

You know they only have

camel biltong in Dubai, right?

Morning, partner.

Morning, partner.

How are things on the creative side?

Excellent.

GreenFuture signed yesterday.

And MAD Consulting was very happy

with the budget for their new campaign,

and everything for the YBAB pitch

this weekend is coming together nicely.

- Great.

- And on the business side?

JP's going to give the Dubai guys

a swift kick under the butt.

- What?

- Ha-ha. No, no, no. He's kidding.

The two of us are going

to entertain the investor

and his entourage

this weekend in the Cape.

Tourist vibes, you know. Kirstenbosch,

Table Mountain,

paragliding, shark cage diving.

- Great.

- And the Spur in Sea Point.

For some reason, they always insist on it.

And Saturday evening,

we're having a party

at his holiday mansion,

where two ex-Springbok rugby players

will just happen to make an appearance.

A surprise for them or for you guys?

It's good for business, Denise.

And while the entourage is asking

for autographs and taking selfies,

he'll accept the deal

and we'll officially become

the agency of a new rugby league

in the Middle East.

And poor Jaci and I will spend

the entire weekend drowning in YBAB,

diapers, and diaper cream.

I'm hungry.

What?

How sure are you, Doctor?

Was Naas Botha a Springbok?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Is Bobby van Jaarsveld the best Bobby?

So

Definitely not perhaps

or maybe early menopause?

Definitely "perhaps maybe"

for a fact to an early pregnancy.

But...

But that's impossible.

All seven of my previous doctors said

I couldn't fall pregnant.

You!

You said I couldn't fall pregnant.

That JP's soldiers are swimming

in circles and that my ovaries

are lazy because

my brain has to work so hard.

Besides

JP and I made peace with the fact that

we weren't going to have children.

We're too damn busy for a baby!

What if...

What if he divorces me?

Children can destroy a marriage.

No. No, no.

This...

Besides, I'm at the peak of my career.

I'm one of the only three companies

in the whole of Africa that's been

asked to pitch

for a multimillion dollar contract!

That's like an entire continent!

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

We've worked very hard to pitch...

Congratulations on the pregnancy.

Uh, you'll have to take it easy.

It's a geriatric pregnancy.

Geriatric?

- Look, I might be old, but I'm not...

- But not cold yet. Clearly not.

It seems to me

you're just starting to warm up.

Uh, you know, if I were you two,

I'd start thinking about baby names.

Ignatius.

It's a strong name.

And what if it's a girl?

Aw, did my kids make you broody?

It's for Jaci.

I don't think it'll fit her.

You know, it's not too late

for you guys to have a baby.

I can't expect Jaci to give up her career.

Have you discussed it?

Oh! No, wait,

you've probably discussed it over email.

It's complicated. Okay...

My swimmers aren't

exactly little Ryk Neetlings

You can have one of our five.

Karla won't even notice.

In fact, she'll pay you.

Maybe one day.

Hey! One day becomes yesterday,

and before you know it

Your prostate needs clearing out.

- What?

- I'm just saying.

Ah, a diaper-pic!

A what?

A diaper-pic from Karla. Look.

Looks like a map of Africa.

Hertjie, please

take your poop-porn and go.

Hmm.

- It could also be Italy.

- Hertjie!

- Hmm?

- Door.

- Hello.

- Hi.

This is for you.

What... W-Who did you talk to?

It's your invitation for the YBAB weekend.

- It landed on my desk.

- Oh!

The weekend. Of course.

Hey, check this out.

This lady is the perfect example

of someone who moved

to America,

but still took Benoni with her.

- Hi there, all y'all!

- Check this.

Benoni, hmm?

Speaking of babies

Um, I was at the gynae

for my checkup this morning...

Did you guys see the email?

The three agencies

that made it to the final round

of the YBAB pitch this weekend

are us, Northern Star,

and JDW!

JDW?

As in Joubert de Waal Advertising JDW?

Who's Joubert de Waal?

JP's boarding school

roommate from high school.

- Oh, that Joubert?

- What does "that Joubert" mean?

Joubert was top student,

appointed head boy,

and captain of the first rugby team

instead of JP.

And he was voted "most likely to succeed".

Okay, Hertjie.

Thanks for that history lesson.

- Oh! And he stole JP's first girlfriend.

- Herklaas!

I wonder if he still

has that punch-me face.

Yeah, he...

- Google him.

- Yes! Check your Facetagram page.

How is it that none of you

are on social media yet?

I'm actually quite proud of it.

Tumi!

Your Facebook account, please.

Uh, Joubert de Waal.

Seriously, you guys have to stop this.

How does an ad agency function where

none of the executives

are on social media?

Surprisingly well

and effective. Thank you.

Yes, we don't have time for "Tortilla Wrap

Slap challenges" and lip-sync videos.

Is this him?

Yes. Mr. Boarding school in all his glory.

I though you and JP

were roommates at school?

Only in matric.

After Joubert complained

that JP tried to k*ll him

in his sleep with his Culture Boy trophy.

For the 100th time, Hertjie,

that's not what happened, okay?

I was just looking at the trophy

that everyone knew should've been mine!

What? No ways! Is that...

What? How can...

Joubert de Waal is married to...

And they've got YBABs.

How did Chadrie end up with him?

I can see it.

Joubert has

kind of a Markus 2.0 vibe going.

They look like Rent-A-Family.

They look like a YBAB ad campaign.

She's right.

I think you should go play happy family

with Jaci at the YBAB pitch this weekend.

Take Hertjie and Karla along.

I can entertain

the investor and his entourage.

With all due respect,

Denise, what do you know about rugby?

Definitely more than I know

about diapers and diaper cream.

That's true. Denise breaks out in hives if

a child comes within a 3km radius of her.

JP, we need The Jackal

if we're going up against JDW and that

The YBAB contract

is more important than the Dubai guys.

And we need our A-team at Hazendal

this weekend, and that's the four of you.

Come on. We need to make arrangements.

Before you go, uh

I can't believe I have to spend

the weekend surrounded by

finger biscuits and dirty diapers

instead of beers and Springboks.

Finger biscuits aren't that bad.

They are if Springboks were on the menu.

Jaci. Are you coming?

Yep. Yes.

Come now, my little monkey.

You loved the pumpkin yesterday.

Booby or pumpkin-porridge?

Here you go, here you go.

Here, here.

- Okay, okay. There you go.

- Hey!

- Where are you?

- On the patio!

Gosh, what's going on here?

Master Chef Bellville here

has decided he prefers condensed milk

to baby food and Mommie's milk.

Why are you here so late?

Something interesting came up today

that I'd really like to talk to you about.

As long as it has nothing to do

with babies, baby food, or wombs.

Jaci,

I just can't anymore.

I feel like a melted ruler.

At least you have the YBAB weekend

to look forward to.

Yes, Tumi called me.

Can't you leave Henry

at your mom's as well?

Nope, you know what she's like.

If her boobs were detachable,

she would've lost them somewhere.

Last time, she sent

Henry home with a "balloon"

which ended up being an inflated condom.

Wait. Why does my mother have condoms?

And that?

Every time I think

I've done something wrong,

I deposit a 20 rand

so that by the time Henry's 16,

he can see a psychologist of his choice.

Sorry, what did

you want to talk about, Jaci?

- Hey! Hey...

- Hey! Not with the...

Hey! No ba*ls near the house!

There are windows here!

Stop wrapping presents

for your buddies with your underpants!

Okay.

Sorry. What did you want to say?

You know, um

Uh, we can chat this weekend.

- Okay, okay.

- Yes, look here.

What smells like candy floss?

No, wait. It's like beach and candy floss.

Man, your nose is imagining things.

sh**t him!

What? I'll sh**t you guys!

I'm going to get you!

What are your brothers doing?

Sorry.

Oh, thank goodness. I need to wee.

Again? We've already stopped twice

on our way here. Is everything okay?

What did Dr. Tunnel Vision have to say?

After all these years,

it's still not funny.

It was his joke. What did he have to say?

Actually, quite a bit. Um

- I'm actually

- Dammit!

Crikey!

Where's the child's parents?

People who can't look after their children

should simply not have them, right?

It's an easy equation.

It's not that easy.

Children aren't always planned.

We've pulled it off pretty well so far.

Well, it's easy if we're not even

in the same country for half the year.

Dubai is just a back-up plan in case

the YBAB pitch falls through,

but it obviously won't,

because you're brilliant and

there's nothing JDW has

that Mojo doesn't have more of.

Apart from children.

What's going on with you?

Nothing. Uh

I need to wee.

Okay, son. Lesson 71.

Always read books, hmm?

A tree smiles

whenever you open a book because

it knows there's life after death.

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of books, I, uh

Saw that book next to your bed

about the fifty types of gray.

I always thought

there was only one type of gray,

but you know, gray dove, gray dogs,

gray cloud, gray road,

gray mountains,

gray mice, gray birds, gray gray

- Do you have my wallet?

- Yes, somewhere here. I...

- Ouch!

- Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.

- Oh, my word.

- Damnit.

- Gosh, that hurt.

- Sorry.

I've always wanted to bump heads with you!

Joubie-Boubie, come see.

I have to introduce you. Look who's here.

It's not necessary, my little pompom nose.

We're old friends.

This is the guy I told you about

the other day who missed that pass

and cost us the Craven Week trophy

in our Matric year.

Are you "Ball-drop Basson"?

I can't even remember

when last I didn't want to see you. Hey!

- And this is?

- This is, uh This is Jaci, my wife.

Your wife?

I didn't think I'd ever hear those words

from The Jackal's mouth.

Yes?

No, this guy

"played the field" in high school.

- Really?

- Like

- Behind the pavilion.

- Gross.

- No, it was hectic.

- Joubert.

Pleased to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

Funny that, I've not heard

a thing about you, doll.

Gross! I'm going to have to burn my dress.

- Hey!

- What?

What the...

- Is that Chadrie?

- Shh!

So, you guys are from Mo-Yo?

Uh, it's Mojo.

I was wondering who you'd send

to play happy family this weekend.

Although, the two of you

aren't much of a family.

This is our happy family.

- This is Chabert.

- Chabert.

And this is Joudrie.

Cha-Drie Jou-Bert.

They're twins.

They were born on the same day. A Monday.

Oh, and this is our little surprise.

Ah! You're too beautiful.

This is Chardonnay.

Say hello to the people.

It's a pleasure to meet you sir and ma'am,

we are excited

to learn more about you two.

Did you hear that?

It rhymes.

Okay, guys. Go read your dictionaries.

And remember, when I get back

I want to know what happened in the story.

Go sit on the couch. And no screen time.

That's the future president

and UN ambassador over there.

Yeah, yes!

Interesting that you want to pitch

for a baby brand without a baby.

Well, Mojo signed

the "Catilicious" cat food account

last week and we're not cats.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like those, um inter continent...

Intercontinenti...

Man, the diapers

for old people, that contract

you signed, and it's not

like you wear a diaper every day...

- Thanks, Chads. I think they get it.

- Okay.

So, that's the Joubert,

who used to call you "Pizza Face"

and the reason

why you don't eat pizza to this day?

Man, his bite is bigger than his bark.

It is.

You know, JP

It's kinda tragic that you,

of all people, sh**t blanks.

Oh, shame, you guys.

Shame. It's really just

Babies were the best thing

that ever happened to us.

It's as if a light was turned on

in our lives. As if that light

Came out of my body.

It's... It's likePwaah!

Yes, who would've guessed that your

empty sack would land me a contract?

You know, uh

JP actually has very healthy, um

- Oh, pears.

- Pears.

- We say pears Healthy pears.

- We don't want the children to

So, have your grapevine dried up, or

Dry grapevine?

Empty sack?

It seems once a jackass, always a jackass.

A jackass with the right optics

to win the YBAB contract.

Here you go! A fresh diaper.

And that's the last time I'm changing

your baby's diaper this weekend.

Yes!

All this little one wants now is his mommy

and his daddy.

Have... Do you guys have a b...

No blanks, bud

Only cannonballs.

Meet Henry.

Our baby.

So you have a child?

But how?

Oh, Joubie-Boubie!

Well, when a mommy and a daddy

love each other very much,

they lie in a bed together and

And you guys?

What's your name again?

- It's Hertjie.

- Hertjie.

Pizza-face. Pizza-face.

He had a terrible pizza face

Do you have children?

The four t*rrorists

are with their grandmother.

- Four?

- Four?

- Good gracious.

- Four?

Four? Do you singlehandedly

- want to destroy the planet?

- A lot.

I simply can't imagine a weekend

without my children.

- Me neither.

- No.

I can't.

Me too.

For example, I want absolutely nothing to

do with our youngest this entire weekend.

- Well... Surely not absolutely nothing?

- Nothing?

Where's the pool?

I'm sure there's a pool. Come on, Hertjie.

Gosh, guys. He's a beautiful baby.

What have you done?

Me? What have I done?

What did Hertjie and Karla do?

We need to

take this baby back immediately.

Whoa, whoa. Let's just

think about this. Just for a moment.

JP, there's nothing to think about.

It's not our baby!

Yes, but only us and Hertjie

and Karla know, so technically

- Don't say it.

- We pretend to be his parents and...

And convince the YBAB lady

that we're a happy family.

You said it!

Darling, we've tried this little white lie

thing before and it blew up in our faces.

It wasn't all that bad.

I got you out of the deal, didn't I?

This contract is important.

More important than the Dubai rugby thing.

We can't do both if we have a ba...

If we what?

If we have a ba...

If we what?

How are we going to get any work done

this weekend with this?

Okay, you're right.

It's a stupid idea. We must give him back.

Thank you!

Wait, wait, wait. What about Joubert?

What about Joubert?

Tell him he misheard or something.

Okay, bubba-bubs.

We'll take you back

to your mommy and daddy.

Yup, and that's why people our age

shouldn't have children.

If we did, it wouldn't

be such a bad idea, would it?

Come on.

We're going to Mommy and Daddy.

Come, come, come. Shh, shh.

- It's her.

- Who?

The Elon Musk of baby products. Her.

- Oh, okay. What do we do now?

- for you.

- You know.

- Yoohoo!

Okay, let's...

Let's make this as quick as possible.

Oh, that's JP and Jaci from

what's the name of their company again?

- Mojo.

- FOMO. Ah, they're so forgettable.

They recently lost the "Cars

You Can Trust" campaign to us, JDW.

No, I know who they are,

but who is this little cutie?

He's actually our, um

He's such a strong little chap.

And he's a carbon copy of the two of you.

What's his name?

Uh, the baby's name is Henry.

Are you here to help Mommy

and Daddy this weekend?

Oh, he's such a cutie.

Mommy, you must be so proud?

- Very!

- Mmm.

You are so adorable.

I think

I should give you the YBAB contract.

Yes, well Uh, yes. Little Henry

is actually a little YBAB ambassador

in the making.

Uh, look, look! Chadrie and Chardonnay

are dressed the same. They match!

Ah, I made it myself from curtains

that I recycled, just like Mary Poppins.

We don't like to dictate

to Henry what to wear.

Yes, we believe

that all children need guidance.

In the right direction.

Oh, I love a bit of healthy competition!

I guess it wouldn't be much

of a pitch without babies, would it?

- I guess not.

- Definitely not.

I can wait for your pitches next week.

Use this weekend to get familiar

with the YBAB products properly.

I love that my finalist's pitches

will come from personal experience.

Indeed. Being a father

for the last 11 years

has been the greatest honor of my life.

How old is Henry again?

- About five or six years old.

- Probably about five-six

- Months!

- Months!

Months.

Henry is an old soul.

He's, uh He's our greatest inspiration.

Oh, Sonja Herholdt

is my greatest inspiration.

Oh, copy that.

See you guys later on the dance floor.

Well,

may the best baby, I mean, pitch win.

Hey, Joubert.

I hope you have a couple

of adult diapers in that bag,

'cause things could get messy.

Okay, we're officially

the parents of a fake baby.

Fake parents, real baby.

Ah, this idea is so terrible, it

That it could actually work.

And it's only for the weekend.

It's not only for the weekend. It's...

And Hertjie and Karla are also here so

Soon we'll swop the diaper bag

for a laptop bag. It'll be fine.

- It's nice.

- Hmm.

And now?

It tastes funny. I um

I just brushed my teeth.

No, you didn't.

Well, then it's just

not good champagne, okay?

I need to wee.

Okay, give it to me then.

It's very nice.

So, this is what a weekend

without children tastes like.

No nagging.

- Or second-hand baby food.

- And tonight, we'll sleep like babies.

Not like our baby

sleeps through the night.

Uh-uh. Jaci and JP have no idea

what's in store for them this weekend.

I suppose I can just say howzit!

Oh, man. It is so nice

to be back in my home country

and to finally launch YBAB

on African soil.

But most importantly, you are here

to have a great time while doing it!

So, come on, people. Let's get jiving.

Marietjie, wonderful speech.

When was the last time

someone asked you to dance?

Uh, the last time was on Noah's boat.

Then you're in the right hands.

I must say, I'm missing little Henry.

Oh, calm down.

It's for the contract, remember.

Yes, you're right.

Henry is a working baby now.

Yes, maybe he'll get JP and Jaci thinking.

I think JP is broody.

Broody or a mid-life crisis?

No, he has a bee in his bonnet.

He thinks it's Dubai,

but I think it's for a family.

- Henry will cure that very quickly.

- Yes.

Maybe we should leave his baby monitor

with him then we can listen in anytime.

Clever, but

One more drink then we'll go check on him.

Well, if you insist,

then shaken not stirred, Papa.

I love it

when Russian Karla comes to the party.

No way.

Slap me with a wet fish from Fish Hoek.

Those two are lying.

De Wet also says,

"The Jackal with a baby?"

Oh, JP would've said something

at the reunion the other day.

He wouldn't have stopped bragging.

"Check my baby, check my baby."

Joupie-Boubie, let it go.

It's story time

and the kids are already in bed.

There's nothing about them

and the baby online.

Not even on social media.

- I'm going around to that dance.

- No!

I'm going to see

- What I can find out.

- Oh, come on.

I'll talk to Hertjie as well.

Him and JP have always been

as tight as clenched butt cheeks.

Joubert Johagen de Waal, you promised

you won't leave us

on our own again this weekend.

We're doing this for us, our children

And all the babies in Africa.

And South Africa.

- And South Africa.

- Yes.

Yes.

Do you have the baby monitor?

Neatly tucked away under the blanket.

Oh, thank goodness.

Please just take him.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong,

but he doesn't stop screaming.

I think he has He smells funny.

I think his diaper is dirty.

Yes. Smells like a spine-crawler.

You know my rules

about changing your baby's diapers.

Oh, no, girl. This is part

of the borrow-our-baby-package.

Yes, he's yours for the weekend

and that includes diapers.

My wife and I

Are going dancing.

No, wait. Listen,

we don't want this anymore...

There's breast milk in your fridge.

See you later, or not.

The evening's still an embryo.

- Stop smelling me!

- I...

- All right then.

- Great.

Have a good evening.

Did you guys forget something?

Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.

Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.

Only you, Joubert. Drop

and roll fast, that's your last resort.

Uh, check this move.

- You're doing the diaper.

- That's... Me?

- Why me?

- Because I just did the sleeper.

Okay, let's do it.

Okay.

- It's just a poop. Just a poop.

- Okay.

- Here we go. Here we go.

- Watch his canon!

The one in the front

or the one in the back?

That is

What does she feed him?

Okay, open up, open up.

Turn.

- Wet wipes. Grab the wet wipes!

- No.

I want these...

Can't we just rinse him off under the tap?

- He's a baby, not a frying pan.

- Okay, lift his feet and I'll wipe.

- Yes, mister-I-change-diapers-everyday.

- Lift his feet.

I've got poop

I've got poop on my hand...

My hand...

This is the guy they call The Jackal.

Let's see if we can keep this one clean.

Yes!

Definitely his father's child.

With his mother's lungs.

- Mmm.

- To us.

- Ah, to us.

- Freedom.

Taste it.

- Is he...

- Good grief.

Ah, that guy.

Is he behind us?

I can feel it.

How can we help you, Joubert?

I thought we could

have a chat about the old days.

Why did you think that?

Hmm. There's a...

You've got a... Hmm.

Your blouse is leaking.

Um

What leak?

Another drink?

I thought you'd never ask.

So, Jaci and The Jackal have a child.

- Mmm, yep.

- Yes, yes.

Like most people here, and you, and us.

We

I thought after the fiasco

with his father and stepmother

he'd never reproduce.

Well, people change.

Excuse us, please.

We just want to enjoy

our break away from our five monsters.

- Five?

- But earlier you said there were four.

Four, five.

Fifty. It's a bunch of children.

They just kept following the light.

Bye, Joubert!

Did I just blow it?

Relax. Joubert is as dangerous

as a packet of tissues.

Would you rather check in on Jaci and JP?

Oh, I'm sure they're fine.

What could go wrong?

- Where's his volume control?

- What?

Do something!

Sprinkle salt on him, or something.

Dammit.

When do you think the fun part

of being a parent starts?

It can't be that bad.

Millions of people do it every day.

Aw, you two make a beautiful picture.

Maybe this little one will grow on us.

I told you we'd be amazing parents.

Speaking of parents

Mommy's little wildling.

My little pop-tart.

Yes.

Let's give Aunt Jaci and Uncle JP

a little me-time and you some boob-time.

Looks like the two of you

have a baby-hangover!

I'm so tired I can hear colors.

You'd better kick start yourself. Today is

YBAB events day, and you have to impress.

Dammit. Denise and the entourage.

I need to check-in.

Relax. Denise is on it.

They're probably prepping to paraglide.

Of course,

everyone wants to know where you are.

Hopefully kicking Joubert's butt.

Denise, hey! How are you?

Hold on. I'm walking out.

Excuse me.

- Are you okay?

- Mmm.

Probably just, uh, bad room service.

I'm a sympathetic vomiter.

Oh, wait. Wait, wait.

Wait a minute

Popcorn,

candy floss

A touch of strawberries!

You smell like Karla!

- What?

- When she's pregnant.

Hertjie, you can't tell anyone. Promise?

Especially not Karla, because Karla

will tell JP and I haven't told JP yet,

and then he'll divorce me.

And then I'll be

a single parent and I'll have

to grow a beard

for bring daddy-to-school day.

Not to mention how angry Karla will be

because you knew before she did.

Promise?

You know JP is my best friend

and I'm as bad at lying

as Eskom is at generating electricity.

Please.

Why don't you just tell him?

I tried. I'm going to. I will.

I'll obviously have to. It's just I...

I've only just found out myself

and I'm just waiting for the right moment.

I'm so happy you got knocked up!

Promise?

Okay.

But you know secrets

between couples lead to

uncomfortable couch sleeping, right?

Thanks, Hannes.

I owe you a round at Leopard.

What time is it? Birdie time!

The kids are still asleep.

I just spoke to the CEO

of Blue Peach Media.

He was with Jaci at a pitch

a while ago and he says

she was definitely not pregnant.

Maybe she just carried small.

If she ate a pea,

she'll have a little bump.

Oh, I've got it.

Maybe she adopted a baby.

- Hmm?

- No.

See what you can find out

at the events today.

Either way,

we're going to nail them.

How are you guys?

It's such a beautiful day at YBAB.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at all this fun!

I have a beauty hack to share with you.

So the YBAB booty paste

isn't just for babies.

I use it on my pimples. It

literally gets rid of pimples overnight.

And then the nipple cream is amazing

for dark circles under your eyes.

So, try it out. Thank me later.

And that's it.

Cheers to an amazing YBAB weekend.

Oh, hi, guys.

Do you want a taste?

I can't decide whether it is one, 60%,

or two, 70% dark chocolate,

but it's definitely a number two!

- No!

- No, thanks, Tawnie.

Why do they call her tannie

if she looks so young?

Oh, great, great, great!

Listen, the game plan is simple.

One of us must win and the other

must make sure Joubert doesn't win.

Rather you than me.

I have the heart of a champion,

but the legs of a bystander.

What? How's that?

I think it's important that

you do this one on your own.

- Why?

- Oh, you know.

You never know when Jaci's going to pop.

Pop?

Pop, as in burst.

Her appendix could burst any time.

Why do they call it an appendix?

No one really knows why it's there.

Sometimes I wonder

the same thing about you.

Pull yourself together.

I came up with the idea way back

when we had to race

through the corn fields with a tractor,

on the way to the hospital,

in labor with my third little one.

Popping out babies

can make for interesting stories.

Mine were all caesareans.

No stories, only scars.

And you, Jaci?

I just assumed the stork delivered babies!

So you adopted?

No!

She means she gave birth naturally.

Yes, yes. Very naturally.

In a dam.

Bath.

And when my water bent broke!

When my water broke

I struggled to breathe and I...

Then I urgently had to

Go to the bathroom?

And then

I just pushed him out.

JP, because he was in my way.

And then...

You were what, in labor for 23 hours?

Twenty-three hours!

No wonder the kid

has such an elongated head.

The child doesn't have an elongated head!

I gave birth in the back of a police van.

You guys

It was so beautiful.

My bag was all ready to go

and when my water broke,

Joubie-Boebie loaded it in the car

and rushed to the hospital.

Unfortunately, he left me at home.

And then?

I waited outside the house

on the sidewalk.

And the police van?

Luckily, our neighbors were burgled,

so I got a free ride with the police.

They even put the sirens on for me.

In the end I just sneezed,

and Chardonnay shot out.

Really?

No, with my kids it was

in like a banana, out like a pineapple.

- The boys are ready. Come on!

- Nice.

- Hey!

- Go, Joubie-Boubie, go!

What the hell, man?

That's probably why

they called you The Jackal,

because you're used to

everyone's leftovers!

I won! I actually won!

Come take a picture for Denise!

She won't believe it!

I'm going to hang it in my office!

What happened, Joubie?

Who's Denise?

It's easy as pie, my little pom-pom nose.

Call this Denise woman.

Tell her you work for YBAB and you need

more information about Jaci and JP's baby.

But she'll recognize my voice.

Not after all these years.

Use an American accent.

- You know? Like we practiced.

- Yes.

Just like those

Real Housewives of New York.

- New York.

- New York, yeah.

- New York, yeah.

- New York, yeah.

- Okay.

- All right.

- Okay, I can do that. I think so. Okay.

- Mm-hmm. Yes.

Goodness, she's so rude.

Personal information. They're babies.

We don't want their ID numbers.

No, it's fine.

Sooner or later, they'll slip up,

and I'll be ready.

Look at the spaghetti rain!

Ah, you guys are such naturals.

Oh, taste this. It's my own concoction

for the South African market.

- Oh!

- Sausage flavor.

- Oh, saus...

- Hey.

- Nice.

- But it isn't

It's not something you taste every day.

No. Enjoy.

Mmm, that's awful!

It tastes like whale snot.

- Do you want this?

- My smarty-pants.

You're so good with the posts

- for JDW's Insta.

- Oh, yes.

How about you get all the babies together,

take a picture,

- and tag the agency?

- Yes. Yes!

Like the ants go marching one by one.

Oh my sweetness.

Yes, come with me.

Keep an eye on Henry.

Yep. I'm just sending

Denise a message quickly.

Denise, hey. Don't forget that they love

Kurt Darren's music and biltong.

So make sure there's a lot of that.

Joubie-Boubie is going to L-O-V-E this.

Would you mind sending me the photos too?

Not at all.

I'll just tag Mojo in the post.

Really? That'll be amazing.

Sure thing. Let me take a photo of you

and Henry and I'll post that as well.

Oh, um, uh, we're not wild about

putting pictures of Henry on social media.

I understand.

Chabert and Joudrie only

got their accounts when they were four.

Let me take a picture

of you guys anyway and I'll post it?

Oh, no. You know, I, um

Oh! Gosh.

No, it smells like he left

a special present for me and JP.

A try is actually worth five points.

It's a little confusing.

You're coming with me.

I'm not doing this b*mb on my own.

No, not a b*mb.

What's up? What's up?

Okay, guys. Deal time.

If you guys do a good job of looking after

this baby you'll get extra screen time

and Mommy never needs to know

That you're not doing

your binary number systems.

Mommy will find out.

She always knows when we're lying.

Well, then lie better

like most other teenagers.

Okay, bye.

Oh, crap.

What? Please not another spine-crawler.

It's much, much worse.

How can it be worse than a spine...

Can a willy fall off

like an umbilical cord?

Henry is a girl.

No, Henry's not a girl. This isn't Henry.

There you go.

Here you are, my froggy!

Where were you?

I already looked here, huh?

Where have you been playing?

JP, where's Henry?

He must be here somewhere.

He can't even walk yet.

As far as I know.

I don't see him anywhere.

He's disappeared like an earring.

Maybe Karla fetched him for a feed.

I can't believe this is my inspiration

to get up from my afternoon nap.

Don't worry.

Mine is usually my bladder.

Quick innocent question,

is Henry with you guys by any chance?

What?

No, why would he be with us?

We just thought that you

were missing him so much you might've...

Where's my baby?

Not here?

- No!

- No!

- Okay. See you guys later.

- Okay. Sorry to bother you.

No! Wait!

Where's my baby?

Uh, well

- You see

- We might've

Semi accidentally

- Sort ofmisplaced.

- Somewhere.

- What?

- What?

He's a baby. Not a bunch of keys!

- His baby monitor!

- Yes, come!

Call security! Now!

- Careful, careful!

- Get out of the way, man!

Excuse me!

Sorry. We're looking for a baby.

Well, this is my baby!

You couldn't even look

after our fake baby for a few seconds.

- He's not fake!

- He's not fake!

He's just not yours.

We wouldn't have needed a fake baby if...

Yes, but you're the one who just took him!

So that we could be fake parents.

If I hear the word fake once more,

I'll attack you like a drunk dentist!

Retrace your steps with a fine tooth comb!

Come on, let's go to the pool.

I'll never allow

my kids outside of my body again.

- The swimming pool!

- The pool's empty.

- I don't know

- Heya, YBAB squad. Do we have a gem...

Hi. Sorry, I need this. Thank you.

Your attention, please.

We're looking for my... our friends',

JP and Jaci's baby boy Henry.

Henry.

Yes, he's the size

of a small bag of potatoes.

Last seen in a YBAB baby sleeper.

And he doesn't have an elongated head.

How does one lose a baby?

That's, uh terrible.

I mean, how can you trust someone

with anything if they

can't even look after their own baby?

Oh! Have you checked Lost and Found?

You know, Chadrie

We were just going there.

I'll look around the gardens.

There are many open water sources,

ponds, rivers. You never know.

- Accidents happen so quickly.

- Yes.

- That's true.

- Come.

- Okay.

- Uh, reception.

What are we going to do?

This is the last place Henry was with us.

You were too busy

playing Instagram-Instagram

with Chadrie,

you forgot to look after Henry.

Me?

I was doing my job.

You were playing on your phone.

I wasn't playing.

I was cheking in with Denise

on the other contract,

which could possibly be paying FOMO...

Mojo's bills next month.

I'm going back to the hotel.

Maybe security knows something by now.

Maybe someone took

the wrong baby from the MessY Hub.

- It happens.

- Not if it's your own baby.

Hey. Nothing yet.

Karla, I'm incredibly...

This isn't a good time to talk to me.

I know you're probably furious, but...

No! You have no idea

because you're not a mother!

I found him!

I have the baby!

- I've got the baby!

- My baby!

Joubert is the man! Joubert has got him!

- Hello, sweetheart. Thank goodness.

- I found the baby! I found the baby!

My baby! You found my baby!

My poppet!

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Her baby?

I thought he's their baby?

And I thought the stork delivered him?

Excuse me. Can I borrow this thing?

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to all of you.

Look, as a father of three children, I can

only imagine the emotional trauma...

Dad, you said if we looked after the baby

we could have more screen time.

But you haven't loaded any data yet.

Go back to the hotel room.

- trauma that the...

- A promise is a promise, Dad,

and we took good care of the baby

while you were away.

Joubie-Boubie.

Did you leave the baby with the children?

- Alone?

- Uh

- You'd better...

- N-No

Mom says that if you lie,

your tongue will cut open your throat.

Joubert de Waal, what did you do?

- I...

- You'd better...

- But...

- You'd better start talking!

- Chadrie...

- Think carefully.

- There's a clean baby.

- Chads, but I didn't do anything.

Those two are the liars!

What?

Besides, Henry is fine

and safe and he's been found,

so I honestly don't know

what the problem is.

- Are you insane?

- What is the prob...

- You...

- Wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa! There are children here!

Okay, everyone, calm down. Calm down.

Stay with Mommy.

Coincidentally, the baby

was in my hotel room all along.

- Good grief!

- You c*ck turd!

Chadrie! I need a wet wipe, please.

The four of us need to talk, now!

Chad!

Chadrie, what are you doing? Help me!

There's a little something

between your teeth, "Jou-blertsie."

You two are the most

irresponsible people on earth.

- Who loses their best friends' baby?

- Oh, I know. They do.

Listen...

Uh-uh! Nothing you say

can make this better.

In nine months,

you can use your own baby for pitches.

Or seven months, or years,

or whenever you have your own baby.

The two of you are fired as friends!

We're going to pack Henry's things,

get our bags, and going straight home.

You'll have to figure out

how to impress "Meraaikie" on your own.

- Come on!

- Yes!

Right after the YBAB "eat as much as you

want" rib night, we're hitting the road.

- Now, Herklaas!

- Oh.

The one thing we're good at is our jobs,

and now we've messed that up as well.

Joubert is going to get the contract.

And you'll have to go to Dubai.

The contract?

Is that all you worry about?

It's always just about work.

Really? That's where you want to go?

You sleep in your office

more than you do at home, Jaci.

Maybe because I prefer my desk to a man

who will always

puts his businesses before his family!

All I ever wanted

was for us to be a family.

- Yes, a work family.

- No, a real family.

Us?

We can't even look after a fake baby.

What ever gave us the idea

we could do it for real?

You're right.

You're right. We obviously

can't deal with fake or office children.

So, what are you saying?

You don't want children?

Or just not with me?

Any baby would be

better off without us, Jaci.

Without the two of us, or without you?

I'm going to help Denise

with the Dubai contract.

Fine, go!

Go play with

your rugby ba*ls in the desert!

We don't need you!

Lesson 78, son.

A lie is like a blanket.

If you cover your head,

your feet will stick out.

I can't believe we're packing again.

- Ridiculous.

- Nonsense.

Why are you sitting out here on your own?

Because the Americans

can't barbeque to save their lives.

Can I twist your arm?

Enough sausage here for Africa.

- I'm not the best company at the moment.

- Have a seat.

It's my birthday and I damn-well

have no one to share it with.

Congratulations.

Did any of your family join you

on your trip to South Africa?

We drifted apart years ago.

I was obsessed with work.

So, I lost track

of my husband and children.

Now it's too late.

If we ever get like this,

I'm divorcing you.

I'm sure that's not the case.

They don't even speak

to each other. Never mind me.

- I didn't realize...

- What?

That "America's favorite granny"

hasn't met her grandchildren yet?

You're not the only one

who lies to grow her career, girl.

JP and I messed up.

We shouldn't have lied about Henry.

We used our friends, and their baby.

But now that I think about it,

it was actually Karla and Hertjie's idea,

so they're also a little guilty.

But we should've known better.

The irony is

We didn't even have to lie about it.

I found out a few days ago that I'm

Definitely, for a fact, pregnant.

You're the first person I've told.

Well, technically the second.

Hertjie literally smelled it out of me.

And you didn't say a thing, you dipstick!

Congratulations.

Have you decided what to do?

Not a clue.

Well, from what I've seen,

you and JP are an awesome team.

He doesn't think so.

It's because he doesn't know

about the third team player yet.

- Do you think so?

- Of course.

People change.

You did.

If I were to tell you,

that the YBAB contract is yours,

how does that make you feel?

Kinda empty

Because?

It doesn't matter as much anymore.

And what matters now?

Take it from an old lady who knows.

Don't make the same mistakes as I did.

Go on. What are you waiting for?

Thank you.

Thanks for everything.

And

Enjoy your barbeque.

Oh, and enjoy your birthday!

Cheers!

I can't see her anywhere.

Hey, guys! I feel so super, duper,

pooper guilty about Joubert.

He's such a sparkle thief.

Hey! We've been looking for you.

I feel like a wet baguette

and you have no reason to forgive me...

But you have to get to JP

right now to tell him the good news!

- How...

- We heard everything.

You're going to be a mommy!

- What?

- I'm so excited.

You're finally going to get fat!

- Thick and thin for real-sies.

- What?

- Yes!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- Yes!

Come, let's go before JP signs

that donkey contract contract.

No, wait. It's time for Henry's nap,

so you guys go ahead.

No, leave him with me.

It's also time for Chardonnay's nap.

I can't believe I'm doing this!

Come on! We have to go.

You're driving like a demon today, Dad!

Bye, guys!

- JP's not answering his phone.

- We're nearly there.

Not the way you're driving.

The car's shadow

is already two steps ahead of you.

Is your car part

of a science project or something?

- Move it, pumpkin!

- Don't yell at me!

Go play with your friends. Go, baby.

Here's his holiday mansion.

Whatever this guy invests in pays well.

Check those guys.

Okay, stop over here.

I'll go in, in the meantime.

- Um, park the car somewhere.

- Okay.

I want one full perimeter patrol,

eyes open, fingers on the triggers.

Go!

Hi, I'm Jaci Basson

from Mojo and Amalgamated Media.

My team are waiting for me inside.

Sorry.

Your name isn't on the VIP list.

Oh, my name doesn't have to be

on the list if my company

is about to sign a

multi million dollar deal with your boss.

Look.

I probably would've acted

the same in your situation.

You seem like a

Stick-to-the-rules kind of guy.

Without a doubt.

So, um

The love of my life is currently

signing a contract in that house,

which could ruin our,

and many other people's lives.

And I urgently need

to get to him, stop him,

and tell him he's going to be a father.

So, I'm begging you

to turn a blind eye just this once.

Ma'am, there's nothing wrong with my eyes.

Please, I'm begging you.

I'll even name my unborn baby after you.

What's your name?

That's not a name, that's a short story.

Why aren't you at the YBAB pitch?

- Don't ask.

- JP, what's going on?

I'm trying to ensure

that by Monday everyone at Mojo

- can still draw a salary.

- What?

- Bismark, Jannie.

- JP.

- Hey.

- It's so good to see you here.

- Yes.

- Same here.

- I can't believe it's finally happening.

- Yes, mostly thanks to you guys.

That security guy is having none of it.

- But does he know who you are?

- My name isn't on the list.

I'll see if I can distract him.

- See if you can get in somewhere.

- How? Did you see that security?

Um Well, Hertjie is technically a ladder.

Climb him like one.

Uh, no, thanks.

She looks kind of heavy.

Through thick and thin. Hmm?

Through thick and thin.

Okay.

Hello, little guy.

You run! I'll keep him busy.

Run!

Well, this is the culmination

of many people's hard work.

You win, I underestimated you!

Okay. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Hey, look here!

Look. You know you want to.

Come on, come on.

Yes!

Yes.

- Jaci?

- Don't sign the contract.

No, man. Baby.

Are we

We're having a baby!

We're having a bab...

Hey! What are you doing?

Just hanging around. Get help, Hertjie!

- Hertjie!

- JP! We have to get her down!

- She's... She's...

- I know. I know.

Jaci, hang tight.

We're coming! We're making a plan!

No, no. Remember that line out sign?

- Grass mouse.

- Grass mouse.

- Grass mouse!

- Grass mouse!

- Grass mouse!

- What's grass mouse?

Please just jump.

Almost.

Hang tight. I'm coming!

I'm coming.

Okay, it's fine.

It's just cracked.

Okay, I'm here.

I'm here.

Okay, I've got you. You can let go.

There you go.

That's it.

That's it.

Please, don't sign the contract.

I already have.

How could you choose Dubai over us?

Jaci, I... I didn't.

Denise is going to Dubai in my place.

What?

- Denise?

- Yes.

Denise!

- Denise!

- Yes.

I'm sorry. I'm

I'm so sorry. I...

I'm so hormonal and

I wanted to tell you sooner,

but there were babies and diapers

and spaghetti and champagne

and I'm just so nauseous all the time,

and not only in the mornings.

That's a nasty myth.

We're having a baby.

And you're okay with that?

Okay with that...

You chose a spectacular way

to tell me about it, but

Of course I'm okay with that.

Family first?

I'll start looking

for a roof rack for the McLaren.

We're having a baby.

ONE YEAR LATER

b*mb!

Hey, Herklaas.

Time to braai.

Yes, Daddy-O.

Speaking of daddies,

who would've thought that your sperm

swam in circles all these years,

training for the jackpot?

- Huh?

- Speaking of, here's my rugby team.

- Where's Daddy?

- Hello,

- cutie pies.

- Here's Daddy.

Look who's here.

One, two, three of you. Come here

FOR JAMES